"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

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The 18 best Gemstones stories: Kelvin with Percy, Cousin Karl with Vance and Percy, Keefe with Gideon, Pontius with Stacy. Plus Abraham comes out

 

I never wrote fan fiction before, but I got the urge frequently during the run of The Righteous Gemstones, to "fix" terrible plotlines, expand upon minor characters, and respond to the incessant "that doesn't make Kelvin gay" fan complaints.   There are 25 on Archive of Our Own, but I've only reposted 18 here:

Before Season 1

How do I Know If I'm G...:  Pontius pressures his older brother, 16-year old Gideon, into coming to his sleepover.  He invites the "juvenile delinquent" Manny, gets his first kiss, and wonders if he is g___.

During/After Season 1

My Boyfriend and my Satanist Ex-boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner.  Kelvin wants them to stay closeted at Thanksgiving Dinner with Keefe's family, but his ex-boyfriend, Daedalus, is coming, too, and wants to get back together.

Is there Sex After Death?  Scotty dies in Episode 1.8, but Grandma Aimee-Leigh guides him through all the moments of Gideon's life, so he can forgive him for all the moments lost to pettiness and fear.

Kelvin and Keefe under the Christmas tree.  After the events of Season 1, everyone thinks that Kelvin and Keefe are boyfriends -- except for Kelvin.

During/After Season 2

BJ's Angels.  I envision Gideon and two members of the God Squad getting jobs as detectives in a Charlie's Angels parody, with BJ as Charlie.

During/After Season 3

Bondage doesn't solve everything.  There were several hints in Episodes 1-2 that Kelvin and Keefe were into BDSM, so I wrote a story where they guys break up during a BDSM scene, then reconcile when Kelvin arranges for Keefe to get a job as manager of the Gemstone Health Club.

Kelvin's Rebound Date with Percy.  Percy appears in just one scene, as an interior designer working on the church board room.  In this story, Kelvin is distraught after the Episode 3.4 breakup, and his siblings suggest that he move on...with a date with Percy.

Gideon Moves out of the Friend Zone. After the Episode 3,4 breakup, Gideon gets the nerve to ask Keefe out.  They have a hookup, but is that enough to move out of the friend zone?

The Kiss Heard 'Round the World.  The day of the Episode 3.8 Kelvin/Keefe kiss, seen through the eyes of Amber, Gideon, Eli, Judy, Keefe, and Jesse.

More after the break

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the Erotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone.

Previous: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

A: Anal

B: Bondage

C: Cock sucking

D: Docking

E: Edging

F: Feet

G: Golden showers

Stacy awoke with Pontius' arms wrapped around him, his head on Pontius' chest, and his hand cupping his butt cheek.  Pontius was aroused, rock hard, his gorgeous cock rising into the air like a flagpole!  Stacy couldn't help reaching down to stroke it.  

"Mmm...keep doing that."  His eyes still closed, Pontius took Stacy's hand and helped him squeeze harder.  

"Sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"I try not to sleep when you're lying in my arms.  I don't want to miss any of it."  He leaned up, and they kissed, both of them hard and pressing together.

"Good morning."  Pontius' gaze was intense, yet warm, comforting, loving.  

"I love you," Stacy said.

Instead of saying "I love you" back, Pontius moved down and started sucking his cock!  "Well, this says love, doesn't it?," he thought as Pontius' tongue darted around the head, and his lips moved up and down the shaft.  Or maybe it doesn't.  It says that he likes cocks.

Suddenly Pontius leapt out of bed.  "Be right back -- gotta pee."  He bounced to the bathroom, his cock still sticking out in front of him.

 While listening to the pee-sounds  -- why was that erotic?  -- Stacy looked around the room: New dresser, desk cluttered with books and headphones, a map of the world taped to the wall, drawings of car designs, a bookcase with mostly Matchbox car models, three dusty guitars that no one had ever used, a glowing neon P.  

Pontius had replaced a poster of a bikini babe with a muscleman because Stacy asked him to, and cleared a drawer for some shirts, socks, and underwear, but it was still his room, Pontius with capital P, in the house he shared with his brother. 

They met last July, when Stacy was shot in the Gator Farm Massacre, and Pontius visited him at the hospital.  Since they, they had hung out almost every day.  

There were movies, concerts, plays, Queer Youth Game Nights. dinner at Jason's Steakhouse after church, volunteer work, a Halloween Party, Thanksgiving with Stacy's family, Christmas with the Gemstones, New Year's Eve in Myrtle Beach -- yet whenever Stacy hinted at moving in together, or getting their own place, Pontius deflected, changed the subject, or bounced out of the room, and God forbid he say "I love you."  Did he think of Stacy as a boyfriend or a buddy? 

Sound of the water running, a towel being yanked, and then Pontius rushed out of the bathroom.  How was he still aroused?  

"So, what were we talking about?"

"Me on my stomach, I think," Stacy said.

"No, on your back. I want to look at you."

More after the break

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy: What happened after the Gator Farm Massacre?

 

Note: This story takes place about a week after the Gator Farm Massacre in Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.8.

July 7, 2025: Stacy woke slowly, his eyes gradually adjusting to the hospital room. The monitors on his left side, the nightstand with cards and books on the right.  The window that looked out onto the parking lot, with maybe a little green beyond.  A countertop loaded down with "Get Well" balloons.  Two chairs -- wait, there was a figure sitting in one.  His eyes weren't focused yet -- who was it, his brother?

"You're not here to tell me how lucky I am, are you?  Another inch, and the bullet would have hit my aorta, and I would have bled out before the paramedics arrived? God was watching over me, but not the 17 men that Cobb killed?"

"Hell, no."  Stacy recognized the voice...but...the guy slid his chair over to the bed with a loud screech.  His friend Pontius!  Well, not really a friend -- Stacy had seen him on tv and at the Salvation Center, of course, but they didn't really meet until he started going to the skate park last month, and they had only spoken a few times. "I'm here to tell you to get well, so I can get back to watching you wipe out your ass on the tail slides."

"Har-har, big joke.  Dude, you know you're a wannabe mobber.  Just wait til I get back to that skatepark."  He hadn't realized how much he missed skating, and jamming about skating.

Pontius grabbed Stacy's free hand and pressed it against his own.  "I brought you some chocolate Turtles, 'cause you know, you're into lizards, but they accidentally got eaten in the car on the way over."

"Jackass!" 

He laughed.  Stacy felt surprisingly happy to see him. His brash, no-nonsense attitude was the perfect remedy to a week of "God had his hand on you!"

"I wanna know what it was like to work for Jeffrey Dahmer.  Did Cobb like, give you body parts to feed to the gators?"

"It was weird.  I liked working at the Gator Farm. Cobb was so nice to me, always asking about my classes and the Salvation Center, and all the time he was killing people, and he kept that guy Big Dick as a sex slave, like five feet from where I was mopping the floor."

"Yeah, dude, if you knew, you could have splattered the mother-f*cker!"  

"Hey, do you think he was asking so many questions because he was keeping tabs on your Grandad?"  

"Probably.  Seems like every year, some guy pops up with a grudge against my Grandad, the World Famous Eli Gemstone or whatever."  He reached up and squeezed Stacy's left shoulder.  "Does this hurt?'

"No.  I was shot in my right..."

"How about this?"  He moved his hand down to Stacy's crotch and squeezed.

"Hey, knock it off!"

"Just checking to see if your junk still works. Scoot over."  Pontius slid onto the bed next to him, so their thighs and legs were touching, and grabbed the tv remote.  "You get any porn on this thing?" 

"I don't think you're supposed to do that." 

"So call a nurse and complain."  

Stacy had never sat pressed against someone before, except maybe his brother when they were little.  He dated a couple of girls, back before he figured out that he was gay, but they never did any hugging, just handshakes and goodnight pecks.  He had been with two guys, but they were just hookups, unzip, suck, and don't say hello in the hallway the next day.  Was this what having a boyfriend felt like? Were they cuddling?  

Wait -- wasn't Pontius straight?

Pontius was casually clicking on the remote as if the closeness didn't bother him at all. Flustered, Stacy tried to think of something simple to talk about. "Did you know that your Grandad visits me every day?  Your brother Gideon has been by, and Kelvin..."

Uh-oh, Pontius took that as an accusation.  "I would have come before, but I've been busy.  Gideon is starting a new Christian-themed skatepark.  I'm going to be the manager."  He stopped on Spongebob Squarepants, then put down the remote and took Stacy's hand.  Their fingers interlocked.

They watched in silence for a few minutes. 

"This is nice," Stacy said.

Pontius started to blush, a reddening in his neck and face.  "Yeah, well, touching a dude is good for healing." 

He had a thin, tight frame, small hard biceps, some cool tattoos, and the most beautiful hands.  Why had Stacy never thought of asking him out?  

Reason #1: Stacy was a straight-A student at the College of Charleston, a biology major, planning to become a herpetologist.  And Pontius was kind of a screw-up.  Fun to hang out with, but no goals, no future.  Wait -- managing a Christian-themed skate park?  

Reason #2: Wasn't he straight?

"I've seen this episode," Pontius complained.  Let's find some chicks, or some dicks."  He clicked until he found a soap opera with a shirtless hunk sitting on a couch. "Awright! Check out those pecs! Man, I'd love to be working on those."

"I thought you were...you know...you like girls."

Pontius laughed, then lay his head on Stacy's shoulder.  "Dude, you are adorable.  I like pussy, but who's gonna say no to a cock?  I went down on half the cadets at the Citadel, and the other half went down on me.  Sometimes they wanted me to screw them while they screwed their girls, or the other way around."

Casually outing himself as bi?  No long, angst-ridden conversation?  Stacy was astonished, but strangely, not at ease.   Reason #3: Pontius was a player.  Whatever was going on here, it wasn't real.

"I'm gay...."

"Well, duh.  That's obvious, Stace.  Everybody knows.  My grandmother knows, and she's not even alive."

"So...if you knew, and you like guys, why haven't you ever asked me out?"

He looked away.  "So you're like a super-genius, you have the coolest job in the world, and look at you, with your dick-sucking lips and little pinprick tits and butt that goes on for days.  You're like Mr. Perfection,way out of my league." 

"Sure, but you're rich, so..."

Pontius laughed.  "Asshole!  C'mon, let's make out."  Without waiting for his response, he draped his arm around Stacy's shoulder and leaned in, and they were kissing.  Stacy had only kissed girls before, and only brief good-night pecks. Pontius was forceful and demanding, taking control, pushing, prodding, exploring. 

Stacy slid down so Pontius could lie on top, so he could feel his body, cling to him, his cock prodding against the fabric of his hospital gown.  It wasn't real, Pontius was just playing him, but...OMG, he was hot.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Kelvin and Keefe Under the Christmas Tree: A Kelvin/Keefe Romance

This story takes place after Righteous Gemstoens Season 1.

It was Christmas Day in South Carolina, 85 degrees, so Kelvin and Keefe were sweating in their Santa hats and scarves as they knocked on the door of Daddy Eli's mansion. Kelvin was his youngest son, the youth director at his sprawling megachurch and worldwide television ministry.  Keefe was Kelvin's best friend, an ex-Satanist whom he brought to God two years ago.  And incredibly cute, Kelvin thought.  He could hardly take his eyes off him.  It's a wonder some girl hasn't snatched him away!

 Keefe could barely see over the pile of presents in his arms: they had a big family. Daddy Eli,  his children, Jesse and Judy, who helped in his ministry (along with Kelvin); Jesse's wife and three kids; and Judy's husband.  Even with the couples getting presents together, that's still an armload.

Jesse's wife Amber, answered the door.  "My favorite brother-in law!" she exclaimed, hugging Kelvin.  "And my other favorite brother in law,"  kissing...Keefe's cheek?

"Hey!" Judy's husband BJ yelled from the parlor.

Other favorite brother in law?  "We're not...um...we're not..." Kelvin stammered, but Keefe and Amber were already heading toward the Christmas tree to deposit the presents.  

He checked the seating arrangements: two places on one of the sofas, but they would have to sit very close together.  Gulp!  Maybe someone would get up to go to the bathroom, and he could take their place.  He stopped at the pastry cart in the alcove.  He usually didn't eat sugar, but this was an emergency!

"No time for feeding your face, Brother," Jesse called.  "These presents won't unwrap themselves."

Keefe was already sitting on the white sofa, resting his arm across the back...across Kelvin's spot.  There was no choice!  He trudged across the room, slowly, like a condemned man on the way to the gallows, and squeezed in between Keefe and his nephew Gideon. He relaxed a bit, feeling the familiar hardness of Keefe's chest, his arm against his head, their legs pressed together -- no choice.  

Then Keefe used the "yawn and stretch" maneuver that you saw in movies to wrap his arm around his shoulders. "He's just trying to get comfortable -- it's a tight squeeze," Kelvin thought.  "Just bros being bros."

Time for presents.  Abraham, Jesse and Amber's youngest, was in charge of passing out.  He handed Kelvin a package marked "To Kelvin and Keefe, from Judy and BJ."  Wait -- the rule was, one gift per couple, but he and Keefe weren't a couple.  They should get separate gifts.  Cheapskates!

It was a toaster!  "Your husband can't make you breakfast in bed without a toaster," Judy said with a giggle.

Grr -- they had $26 million in trust, a monthy deposit of $20,000 into the joint checking account, three cars, and a house on the estate.  They could afford their own toaster!  Wait -- your husband?  "We're not...um...", he stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Judy and BJ," and they moved on.

More presents "to both of you": matching Christmas sweaters, a framed photo of two 1950s bodybuilders (from Abraham: "he thought they looked like y'all," Amber explained).  

Keefe didn't have any money of his own, so they had no choice but to give presents together.  Did that give everyone the wrong idea?

It got even worse: his nephew Pontius gave them a Ken doll and a GI Joe on a little stand, shirtless, hugging, with their mouths pasted together so it looked like they were kissing.  "I've never seen you do it, so I figured you didn't know how," he said. 

 "We don't....we're not,..." Kelvin stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Pontius.  It's beautiful.  We'll put it on display in the bedroom."  The bedroom?  They had separate bedrooms; Keefe didn't sleep in the master bedroom more than once or twice a week.  Ok, four or five times a week.  Well, he slept in the guest suite that one time.

Now it was Daddy Eli's turn.  He gave everyone trips: Hawaii for Jesse and Amber and their kids, Disney World for Judy and BJ, and for Kelvin and Keefe, a "romantic" week-long stay at a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach.  

"You boys never had a honeymoon, and I hear it's the gay capital of the South."

  

Keefe said "Thank you, Mr. Gemstone, sir," and they prepared to move on, but Kelvin couldn't take any more.  "We're not married, we're not newlyweds, we're not going on any honeymoon to any gay capital!" he yelled.  "We're best friends! That's it."

The family stared.  Keefe stared.  "Kelvin...." he began,  After a long pause, Jesse spoke: "Sorry, Dude, but what were we to think?  You haven't mentioned a girl since high school, and then Keefe moves in"

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

My Boyfriend and My Satanist Ex-Boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner: A Kelvin/Keefe/Daedalus Story

 

"Thanks again for inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner with your family," Kelvin, son of world-famous megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and youth pastor at the Salvation Center,  told his boyfriend Keefe as the "Welcome to Richmond Hill" sign appeared.  It was an elegant suburb of Savannah, new-looking, with trendy shops and cool-sounding restaurants like the Himalayan Curry Cafe.

"Well, you invited me to dinner with the Gemstones last year,"  Keefe, a reformed Satanist turned assistant youth pastor, said.  "So it's only fair to make you endure my family's craziness.  Have you been studying the family tree?"

"I have it memorized.  Your Mama, Beth.  Don't ask about your Daddy.  Your sister Liz, age 45, and her husband Henry.  She's a child psychologist, and he's a dentist. Henry's son from his first marriage, Austin, who teaches high school English, and his wife...um..."

"Becky."

"Right, Becky.  Liz and Henry have another son, Jimmy, age 8.  Boy, I hope our heart-healthy green bean casserole will be enough."

"It will be fine.  No one in my family eats heart-healthy anyway."

"Ok, who else...Your uncle might be coming.  He's gay, but you only found out a couple of years ago.  He was closeted when you were growing up."  He paused.  "You don't mind letting them think that you're just the assistant youth pastor? I'm not ashamed of us or anything...it's just...well, I'm a Gemstone."  

"I don't mind," Keefe said, lying a little.  It took the family years to accept him -- his sister still didn't like to talk about it much -- and now he had to hide?  Pretend that the love of his life was a buddy?  It felt wrong.  

But Kelvin was always skittish.  He didn't even realize that he was gay until he was over 30. Everyone else knew the moment they saw him in one of his flamboyant outfits.  Keefe suspected that he would prefer to identify as a masculine-presenting demiboy, but they could save the gender-identity conversation for later.  Much, much later.

They drove through a neighborhood that Keefe though dismal and repressive growing up.  A grey house, grey with black shutters, where as a teenager he listened to heavy metal music and wrote poety about suicide, where his Daddy complained that everything he said or did was "faggy."

As they drove up to the house, Mama and his little nephew Jimmy came out onto the porch to meet them.   Hugs all around.

After a "Nice to meet you," Jimmy disappeared with their overnight bags, but Mama kept her hands firmly attached to Kelvin's arm.   "Reverend Gemstone, it's such a pleasure to have you in my home! I wanted to thank you in person for all you've done for my boy. But, you know, I've never seen him sing on the 'Praise Be to He' hour.  He has a wonderful voice, you know."

"That's not really my decision, Ma'am," Kelvin said, although actually it was.

"Mama!" Keefe exclaimed.  "You're embarrassing me."

"No, I'm not.  But listen to me rattling on.  You must be tired after your trip.  The men are watching football in the study.  You can join them, if you like.  Or would you like to go up to your room and relax until dinner?"  She pulled them into the foyer, said "Let me just take this ice chest to the kitchen," and vanished.

Keefe had no interest in sports, but he figured that the game would be the safest, and steered Kelvin to the study.  His brother-in-law Henry on the recliner.  His nephew Austin on the couch...and sitting next to him...what the heck was he doing here?

"Keefe, baby, I've been waiting for you!"  His ex-boyfriend leapt to his feet and hugged him.  He looked very different from when they were dating, much more conservative, not at all like the boy who flew too close to the sun (that was actually Icarus, not Daedalus, but they were really high when they came up with their nicknames). 

 His arms around Keefe, his tight, hard body pressing against him, brought back memories of a thousand nights with the band, performing, getting cruised by fanboys,  dreaming of stardom...and a thousand nights in the bedroom after, Daedalus gently stroking his hair while Keefe went down on him.  Kelvin was not at all gentle -- he was a roaring lion in bed, laying waste to his body with a passion so intense that it was a little frightening.

"Um..hi...Daedalus..." Keefe said, reddening as he began to get aroused.  "I haven't seen you since..."

"The night you broke my heart?"  He broke away and laughed.  "Just kidding."  He turned to Kelvin and held out his hand.  "And this must be your happily-ever-after guy."

"What?" Kelvin pretended to be surprised.  No, I'm Kelvin Gemstone, the youth pastor at the Salvation Center, Keefe's boss....and housemate.  Church staff has to live on the estate, you see, and I had a spare room...."  Stop lying! Keefe thought savagely.  You're sounding more and more ridiculous.

Daedalus looked more closely.  "Oh, right, I remember you from the night you broke up Baby Queef's performance at Club Sinister. You should have seen him, Henry -- we had Keefe in this isolation tank that symbolized the womb, right, and Indiana Jones here comes splashing in, tearing off the tubes that brought him oxygen, hugging him, kissing him -- the guy's mouth was full of amniotic fluid, mind you -- and whispering 'I love you. I love you.'...do you do that for all of your 'housemates,' Kelv Baby?"

"It was part of the act.  We arranged it in advance," Kelvin said, lying again to save face -- and to avoid admitting that it was the moment when he realized that he was in love with Keefe.  An important moment!  One you should want to share.

"Sounds exciting," Henry said. "You should have taped it."

"Um...excuse me.  I need to give Mama directions on how to prepare our casserole."  He ran into the kitchen.  "Mama!  Why on Earth did you invite my ex-boyfriend to Thanksgiving Dinner?"

She frowned.  "Well, why not?  Daedalus came to every Thanksgiving and Christmas for five years.  And your nephew Austin's piano recitals. Jimmy called him 'Uncle Daedus.'" He's part of the family.  Just because you broke up for some crazy reason doesn't mean we have to break up with him, too."

"I found God, Mama! Isn't that what you wanted for me?"

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.  And you were happy with Daedalus.  A lot happier than you seem now, when every word I say makes you uncomfortable or angry, and the wonderful Reverend Gemstone treats you like his personal servant.  Now, does this casserole get onion rings on top, or not?"

More after the break

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 2: Keefe singing, Jimmy twerking, and Gideon in his underwear

In Part 1, Jimmy Olsen visits the Gemstones at the Lake House to write a story for The Daily Planet, and learns that something happened to Gideon that no one will talk about. On Friday, he interviews Jesse, Amber, Abraham, and Pontius.  It's Saturday morning, time for Kelvin and Keefe.  Then Gideon arrives

Kelvin Gemstone: The Top Christ Following Man

On Saturday morning, Jimmy came downstairs to the staff bustling about, cleaning bedrooms, mopping, vacuuming.  Most of the family had already finished breakfast and scattered to the boat or the swimming pools, but Kelvin and Keefe were still in the breakfast nook.  The youngest of the Gemstones was short, sturdy, muscular, and femme, a Tom of Finland drag queen, married to a long-haired muscleman with a fading “Hail Satan” tattoo visible on his forearm. 

“Good morning!” Kelvin called, flashing the usual Look.  “I hope you got a lot of rest, ‘cause we have a full day planned.”

Jimmy sat next to him.  A waiter jumped forward to fill his coffee cup and hand him the breakfast menu.  He ordered the Denver omelet and sourdough toast. 

“To be honest, after the noise and honking horns of Metropolis, it was hard to sleep in the quiet.”  Especially with his superpower revealing who was going at it at 3 and 4 am.

“Back when I was in Satan’s Baby, we toured in Metropolis a lot,” Keefe said. “I used to be a regular in the gay club scene up there.  Have you been to The Metropolis Eagle?”

Why did Keefe think that Jimmy would be hanging out in gay clubs?  “Your heavy metal past is a story waiting to be told. Maybe I can interview you later?”

He looked down at his mostly-eaten frittata.  “Thanks, but I like to stay out of the spotlight.  I’m the roots of the tree, and Kelvin is the branches.” 

Ok, so he wouldn’t be getting much information from Keefe.  Time to interrogate Kelvin. “So you came out publicly last year, but I’m sure the family knew long before that.  How did you come out to them?”

“Well, I didn’t really need to come out to them – they knew long before I did, back when I was a kid and sneaked peeks at my sister’s teen magazines. It took me forever to figure it out for myself.  I was in denial for years, until…”  He hesitated.  “I guess the kidnapping.”

But that was in 2023.  He had the God Squad, a cadre of bodybuilders living in yurts on his front lawn, in 2022.  How could he not know?

Keefe objected, too: “But we were doing stuff back when we first met, when Gideon and Scotty….” Kelvin shot him a harsh look, and he trailed off.

Obviously Kelvin was trying to control the narrative, present himself as unaware until 2023, so he could claim not to know about Gideon and Scotty….who the heck was Scotty, and what did it have to do with Kelvin?

“Keefe, are you sure you won’t reconsider that interview?  Maybe we can do it while swimming later.  I heard that the Lake House was clothing optional?”'

Keefe flashed the Look and glanced at Kelvin, who nodded his consent.

Kelvin Gemstone is short in stature, but he knows how to Do It Big: with puffy muscles, flamboyant outfits, and a series of revolutionary ministry innovations.  His most recent, a daily reflection for queer youth, averages 200 people in the on-site meeting and over a million views on the Gemstone streaming service, and won him the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  Yet at home he is the quintessential nerd, a quiet, shy guy who collects comic books, plays arcade games with his husband, and can name all of the planets in the “Star Wars” universe.

Keefe Chambers: the Heavy Metal Rocker

City boy Jimmy learned to swim in a public pool, had been rescued from a sinking ship by Beast Boy, and was trembling with fear on the floating dock as Keefe dove into the 200-foot deep water of Lake Murray   (Kelvin stayed behind to do some work with Prism.)  He pulled himself up, rocking the dock – the guy weighed 200 pounds – and climbed up to the slide. 

He paused.  “Aren’t you coming in, Jimmy?” 

“No, thanks -- I’ll just work on my tan.  But I’m enjoying watching you.”  Jimmy hesitated, realizing that it sounded like he was interested – and maybe he was.  The guy was massive everywhere. Of course, he had a semi due to their proximity, but Keefe was bigger with a semi than most guys fully aroused.  He'd definitely need an extra-extra big condom.  If Jimmy was going to accept one of the three-way hints this weekend, it would be with the heavy metal rocker and his husband.

Keefe tumbled down the slide, dove in again, and then lay on the beach towel next to Jimmy – so close that they were touching, of course.  .

“Tell me about how you and Kelvin met,” Jimmy suggested.

He grinned at the memory.  “It was at Charleston Pride 2019.  I was passing out fliers for Baby Queef – my solo act after I quit Satan’s Baby.  Kelvin came to one of my performances, and that was it.  For me, anyway.  It took like three years to convince him that we should be more than sex buddies, and five years to talk him into marrying me.”

Keefe Chambers was on his way to an impressive career – lead singer in a heavy metal band, a solo act as a Satanic comedian, friends with musical giants Ozzie Osborne and Trent Reznor, covers of “It’s Raining Men” and “I’m Coming Out” that charted in France. But he gave it all up to stand in the wings, quietly supporting Kelvin Gemstone, his best friend, boyfriend, and eventually his husband.

“So Charleston Pride, June 2019, right?”  Jimmy fished. "Was that before or after Gideon and Scotty?”

“Gideon came home from California later, after I moved into Kelvin's house.  Maybe in January or February?  Scotty came up a week or so later, and stayed through...well, stayed awhile.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Probably.  I mean, we had them over for dinner, like they were a couple.”

“So Gideon is gay?”

Keefe patted his shoulder. “You'd better ask him yourself.  He likes irises and Greek food.”  He dove into the water again.

If Rev. Gemstone allowed Gideon and his boyfriend to live openly in his house in the spring of 2020, the thing that happened couldn’t be about being gay.  Unless he started homophobic, kicked Gideon out of the house, and somehow the relationship was restored.

More after the break

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen finds out that the Gemstones do it big

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"How do I know if I'm g...."?: A Young Gideon Story

This story features Gideon Gemstone (Skyler Gisondo) of The Righteous Gemstones as a teenager.  All of the subjects of n*de photos are over 18.

“Hey, Bro,” Pontius called, rushing up to Gideon’s locker at the Riverpointe Christian Academy in Charleston. 

“Hey, yourself.”  Gideon was a bit suspicious: his younger brother rarely talked to him at school.  Sometimes he didn’t even accept a ride home, preferring to call one of the Gemstone drivers to avoid being seen with a “glee club nerd.”  An odd insult, since Gideon didn’t belong to Glee Club.

“Are you staying after for gymnastics?”

“No, that’s on Tuesday and Thursday. Why, what do you need?”

“Well, a ride home.”

“Why – the drivers are both busy, and your pogo stick’s in the shop?”

Pontius smiled, either not noticing the dig at his age, or too invested in whatever he wanted to care.  “And  can we stop for pizza on the way?”

This was really suspicious -- Pontius never invited him to go anywhere.  Maybe the age difference was too great for them to really be friends – Gideon was in eleventh grade, with a girlfriend and college plans, while Pontius in eighth grade still played with toys.  

Maybe they didn’t have much in common – Gideon was into gymnastics and acrobatics (he loved tumbling with Uncle Kelvin at the Gemstone Teen Center), while Pontius was into…well, hanging out with his buds and telling dirty jokes.  Or maybe they just didn’t like each other.  He must want a big favor, Gideon thought.

 They climbed into the Lexus that Granddad Eli gave him for his sixteenth birthday and drove down to Famulari’s, the go-to pizza place for all of the Gemstones, probably because the delivery guys didn’t mind driving ten miles out to the Compound.  The moment they sat down, Pontius said, "Ok, here’s the thing. I want to have a sleepover Friday night, and you have to come."

"No way, José! 16-year olds do not go to slumber parties.”

“You used to like them.”

“Sure, and I used to like Battlebots, too. I grew up.”

From his 10th birthday until last year, when he graduated to the high school building at the Academy, Gideon and Pontius hosted sleepovers at least once a month. They each invited two or three friendss, plus their younger brother Abraham by default. 

They spent the night playing video games, watching tv, eating snacks, and bragging about how late they were staying up.  Then they bedded down in the Kid Guest Room, Pontius and Abraham on the top bunk, Gideon and another boy “on the bottom,” and the rest in sleeping bags.   Gideon always took awhile to choose his bed partner: not necessarily his best friend.  Maybe even one of Pontius’s friends, if he was cute. 

How did I know which boys were cute?  Gideon thought, surprised by the memory.  Why did I care?

"We haven't had one for a long time!" Pontus protested.  "And Mom says I can't have one by myself – you have to be there, too."

The waiter came – a rather chunky, sandy-haired guy from Gideon’s Biblical History class – and they ordered their usual bacon-cheeseburger pizza (sometimes Mom and Dad called for something “healthy,” and they had to scour the menu for healthy toppings.  What kind of pizza topping was healthy?).

“What will my friends say if they find out I went to a sleepover with a bunch of eighth grade dorks?  What will my girlfriend say?”  He and Katie had only been dating for three weeks, but Gideon mentioned her every chance he got. “Katie likes lima beans. Katie’s aunt lives in Belgium.  Katie’s favorite Harry Potter character is…”  

"They won't all be dorks," Pontius said.  "How about if you can invite some of your friends. Whoever you want.”

"As if!  My friends are way too cool for sleepovers!”

"Well, maybe not one of your friends, just guys that you like.  You know, want to spend time with, like the guys that Uncle Kelvin hangs out with”

Gideon felt the anger rising.  “I do not want to spend time with guys like that, Jackass!  Uncle Kelvin is gay, and I have a girlfriend!”

Pontius laughed.  “You dummy, no way is Uncle Kelvin a homo!”

“How do you know?”

“Number One, he’s got muscles.  Number Two: he works with kids…”

“You’re an idiot. Gay guys have muscles sometimes, and they can work with kids like anybody else.”

Pontius sneered. “Number Three, he never brings a little fruity friend to the family dinner….”

“Maybe he’s afraid to bring a boyfriend around. Granddad Eli might kick him out of the church.”

“Number Four: He doesn’t live in California,”  Pontius said with a flourish, as if that was a definitive argument.  “Why do you want Uncle Kelvin to be gay so much?  Are you in love with him?  Do you want to, like, hug and kiss?” 

“Dude, that’s my uncle!” Gideon said, disgusted.

“Ok, so if he wasn’t your uncle, you’d be all into him.”  He made pucker sounds. “Oh, Thweetie, your muscles are so big! Kiss me again!”

“You’d better stop talking trash about me if you want me to come to your darn sleepover.” 

“Ok, ok, sorry…Thweetie.”  He giggled. “Now pick two guys that you want to invite. Somebody you want to spend time with.”

“Someone you want to spend time with” made sense to Gideon.  Maybe a guy who was a little standoffish at  school, or constantly involved with his own clique.  This could be his chance to break through and make a friend.

"Ok, let’s go for it. For my first boy I pick Derek from Gemstone Teen Time.”  A tall, blond 10th grader with a round angelic face.  For some reason he went to public school, not the Academy.  When he got the lead in the drama club production of Oklahoma last fall, Gideon made his Mom and Dad and brothers all go to see him, but they didn’t hang out afterwards. 

"No problemo.  Derek and me are tight."  He paused.  "So...who's the second boy?"

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

BJ's Angels: A "Charlie's Angels" parody starring Joel Rush and Skyler Gisondo. With a guest appearance by Adam Devine

For this parody, you need to know that Kelvin and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones could never call themselves "boyfriends" or use the word "gay."

Announcer: And now another episode of BJ's Angels.

Introduction

(BJ narrates off-camera): Once there were three little muscle boys who went to work on another show called The Righteous Gemstones, two in Kelvin Gemstone's God Squad, and the other as Eli Gemstone's driver. 

(Sarcastic) And they were each assigned very sexy duties. (Shots of Liam falling from a human pyramid, Sky being lowered into a tiger cage, and Gideon driving in a car chase).

But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is BJ. 

Montage

 Joel Rush as Sky (in his underwear, pulling a gun from his crotch)

Peter Kaasa as Liam (winning a bodybuilding contest)

Skyler Gisondon as Gideon (hacking into a computer)

Tony Cavalero as Mr. Keefe (trying to answer six telephones at once).

Guest star Adam DeVine as Kelvin (giving Keefe a bag lunch as he rushes out the door, like a 1960s sitcom housewife). 

And special guest star Tim Baltz as BJ (a mysterious hand on a computer keyboard)

Scene 1

The Angels in their dressing room. Gideon, fully clothed, is tying his tie, but Sky and Liam are still in their underwear.

Sky: Hey, this t-shirt is just extra-extra-large. Liam, I think you got mine by mistake.

Liam: (Checks.) Oh, right, this one is extra-extra-extra large. Sorry, Sky, I'll take it off. Of course, the only way I can do that is by taking off my jockey, too (Rips off his t-shirt, then lowers his jockey, displaying his bare butt.) That's one, by the way.

Gideon: (Glancing over) One what?

Liam: We're contractually obligated to display our butts twice per episode.

Scene 2

Keefe enters, wearing a suit, carrying a laptop.

Liam and Sky: Good morning, Mr. Keefe.

Gideon: Good morning, Uncle Keefe.

Keefe (to Gideon): Hey, don't tell anyone that we're related, or else the fans won't ship us, and we won't get a lot of play on fan boards. Those fan boards can make or break our characters! So just pretend that you're my very good friend.  What couple name do you like, Gideefe or Keefeon?

Gideon: That's gross! No way I'm going to queerbait with my Uncle Kelvin's boyfriend!

(Everyone gasps).

Keefe: You can't say the b- word on television!  The proper term is 'my Uncle Kelvin's...um..."

Sky: I'll queerbait with you, Mr. Keefe.  We've already been intimate, remember?

Keefe: The glory hole in the tiger cage?  How could I forget?  Wait until Episode 12, when we go undercover as the son of a famous televangelist and his boy toy. I'm the boy toy. Anyway, I have BJ on Zoom.

Scene 3

He opens the Zoom screen. A tropical setting. BJ lies on his stomach on a lounge chair. His face is not visible.

BJ: Good morning, Angels. Your assignment this week is to go undercover at a Speedo contest, to see who is...um, trying to sabotage...well, whatever, it's a Speedo contest.

Gideon: Didn't we go undercover at an underwear contest two weeks ago?

BJ: Do you know how hard it is to come up with scenarios that get you guys out of your clothes for extended periods? Lifeguard, surfing instructor, stripper, underwear tester, and that's about it.

Sky: What will you be doing while we're risking our lives and our virginity?

BJ: Oh, I'll be very busy...gathering intel....(two musclemen walk past)....taking measurements (a muscleman brings him a drink)...interrogating suspects under the covers...um, I mean undercover. (He ends the Zoom meeting.)

Liam: Wait, I thought BJ was straight. He's married to Judy.

Keefe: Of course he's straight.  He was just talking about detective work.  Everyone on this show is straight except me and my...um...  But there's no word in the English language to describe our sexual identity.  

Liam: Oh, please, you and Kelvin are g---

Keefe (cutting him off): NO WORD in the English language.

More words after the break. Warning: Explicit

Is There Sex After Death?: A Gideon and Scotty story

This story takes place after Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.8, when Scotty Steele dies.

April 21, 2019. Easter Sunday.

Light. Intense, golden light, surrounding him. Not bright, like sunlight, just warm, comfortable, loving -- how can light be loving? -- like sitting on your mother's lap when you are a kid. Scotty wonders if he is a kid. Maybe he has gone back to the womb?

No, there are others around him, some that he once knew, and loved or hated, some who are strangers. Except they aren't strangers now -- he sees the most important moments of their lives, and they, in turn, see Scotty's. At random, not in chronological or thematic order:

1. Going out to dinner at the Shem Creek Restaurant in Mount Pleasant -- pizza and beer -- and Scotty calls Gideon "Little Lord Fauntleroy." They smile and joke, and hold hands under the table, and the song on the radio, or in his mind, is "You Knock Me Out.” :

The way you talk when you say what you see

Your smile breaking my words – you knock me out.

The way you shake it, baby, the way you get when you get down -- you knock me out 

The memory of the song, of his smile, fills Scotty with so much joy that he he feels like he will burst. He looks around -- or the equivalent when you don't have a body -- and feels the others sharing his joy.

2. The Old Man, Jesse Gemstone,  takes them all out on his yacht, and in the glittering of the waves, while the kids sit in the wading pool -- a pool on a yacht? -- Jesse offers to become his Daddy, and they hug.  

He eases into the hug, actually considering the crazy idea for a moment.  They could just walk away from the scheme to steal the Easter offering from the Salvation Center, $3,000,000, and settle into lives as a good Christian Gemstone and his boyfriend.  

Then he laughs to himself.  No way will the Old Man ever admit Scotty to the family, knowing that his cock  has been down his son's throat or up his ass...sorry, Mom....the fact that Scotty has been intimate with his son every night. Evangelicals hate gay sex even more than they hate thinking for yourself. The Easter Offering plan is the only way they can walk side by side into the future.

3. Driving from California to South Carolina so they can blackmail his father, the world-famous Jesse Gemstone, with a video of his sex-and-drugs party, get even for a childhood of neglect and abuse, and fund their happily-ever-after life in Thailand. They spend the night in a Motel 6 somewhere in New Mexico. Lucy is snoring.  Scotty opens his eyes and sees Gideon, propped up in the other bed, playing on his cell phone, his face illuminated, as if he is already in the plane of endless light.  He must be an angel -- nothing in this shithole world -- sorry, Mom -- could be so beautiful.

He knows that he's going to do it, he's known since the moment they met, but still, Scotty is terrified as he climbs out of his own bed and slides in next to Gideon.  He doesn't look surprised -- maybe he has always known, too.  He puts his cell phone away and scoots down so Scotty can hold him in his arms and kiss him.  

Suddenly the world changes.  Scotty has never been kissed before, not like this. Minutes pass, hours, months, a lifetime. He doesn't even think about doing something more intimate -- is there anything more intimate? -- but eventually Gideon takes the lead rolls him over onto his back, and moves down....he moves down...

To give him the blow job of his life. Well, until later that night.  And the next. With Gideon, his orgasms are so intense that his yells wake half the county, and he has to lie there, panting, exhaused, not sure where he is or who he is, knowing only that they are together.

Cause you and me were meant to be. One heart, one soul, one mind, two of a kind. 

Whoever said that love is blind?  We're partners in crime.

Scotty retreats into himself, embarrassed, but the others draw him back. There's nothing to be embarrassed about now. They've seen the moments of his life, and he's seen theirs.

One of the others has taken on form -- not really a corporeal form, more like a recognizable presence: a young woman with 1980s helmet hair and circular glasses, a little girl in pigtails standing on a country road, a middle-aged woman holding baby Gideon on her lap. She is singing, or music is playing:

We've come so very far, just look at where we are -- What once was a dream is now a sweet memory.

I'll see you again with the valley's warm wind, I'll see you some way, but it's toodles today

Scotty knows who she is -- Aimee-Leigh Gemstone, the Gospel singer that his mom liked so much. Eli Gemstone's wife, Jesse's mother, Gideon's grandmother!

More memories emerge, and with them the joy turns to pain.  Scotty never hit Gideon, except for two fights where he got worse than he gave, and the sex was always consensual -- he was forced, by his cousin, by his tenth grade teacher, by a crazy chick in a dive bar. so he always made sure that the cocksucker -- sorry, gay guy -- was into it.  But he wasn't always loving.  He belittled Gideon, called him names, yelled, even threatened.  He thought that the only way to keep someone with him was by making them feel small and scared.

Creeper got mad and angry eyes – one look from him can paralyze.

Upon his lips the taste of pain, venom kiss of love insane

He got a rod beneath his coat – he gonna ram it right down your throat.

Make you grovel on the floor, spit up and scream and beg for more

Scotty retreats into himself, hating himself for hurting so many people, fearful that Gideon's grandmother has come to judge him. But all he feels from Aimee-Leigh is love.  She nods -- or its equivalent -- and the memory continues.

 On Easter morning, Gideon comes down the elevator alone and says "It's over." He chose the ritzy Gemstone world over the dream of Thailand, the Old Man over the love of his life. The smiles, holding hands under the table, the kissing, the orgasms that burst across the universe -- all ignored.  But Gideon isn't the one who ignored it -- Scotty could have said "It's ok, I don't want the money, all I need is to be by your side."  He didn't.  

After that Scotty sees nothing but red rage.  He retrieves his van, beats up Granddad Eli, forces Gideon and Jesse to open the vault, ties them up. He yells "You made your choice, and you broke my heart!" Then he zooms away from the estate, not sure where he is going, nowhere, anywhere, into the abyss. He doesn't care; his life is over already.

Aimee-Leigh waits patiently for his despair to wash through the others.  Then she asks "Are you ready to go, darlin?  We've got work to do."

Calling him "darlin'," as if she is really his grandmother! Wait -- of course she is.  There are no lies in the endless light. "But how?  He must hate me.  There's no coming back from what I've done to him."

"He's already forgiven you.  But you need to forgive him."

More after the break