Hulu recommended a movie with a title so stylized that I couldn't decipher it, but the icon featured two guys, and I don't have enough movie reviews here, so I clicked on "play." It's Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice (2026).
Scene 1: A Wacky Scientist (Ben Schwartz) working in a room full of old-fashioned desktop computers and dot-matrix printers. The quantum stabilizers are engaged, so he wolf-howls with joy and sings a rap song about being the greatest person on Earth (but really, aren't all rap songs saying that?). Continuing his song, he heads to the chalkboard and finishes his equation.
Uh-oh, the portal starts to glow, and a figure appears. Wacky Scientist pulls a gun to defend himself, and accidentally shoots himself, and sets the lab on fire. Must be him from the future.
Scene 2: A lot of people yelling "Welcome back, Jimmy (Keith David)!" at a party celebrating his release from prison after 6 years.
Jimmy takes center stage and yells "Get loose, biatch!", whereupon everyone applauds, and a cute Short Guy yells "Awright!" They must be responding to his catch phrase?
Crime boss Dad notes that someone in this room is responsible for Jimmy going to prison, and he'll be dealt with tonight. But for now, have fun.
Scene 3: A Sleazoid, standing at the bar, gets flirted with by a lady, while a Posh Guy glares at him; three ladies smooze; the Short Guy flirts with a sleeveless Muscle Hunk, then walks off with him. A hookup!
I checked the cast list:
Slezoid: Mike (James Marsden)
Posh Guy: Nick (Vince Vaughn)
Short Guy: Dumbass Tony (Arturo Castro, left)
Muscle Hunk: Roid Rage Ryan (Lewis Tan, top photo.).
Posh Guy is glaring because the lady flirting with the Sleazoid happens to be his wife, Alice. She asks if he's going to the after-after-after party. He's not, because he hates her, so she turns her attention back to the Sleazoid.
Scene 4: Sleazoid, with flowers and wine, walks through dim blue-lit hallways. It looks like a gay club, but it's actually a regular hallway in this hotel (crazy!), leading to a regular (albeit extremely dim) suite. He calls Posh Guy's Wife to tell her that he left a key at the front desk for their hookup.
There's a knock on the door. "Holy shit!" Sleazoid exclaims. It's Posh Guy -- did he catch on that Sleazoid is cheating with his wife? "I know you're in there!!! Open up!!!"
Sleazoid texts the Wife. "Don't let him in! If he knows about us, he'll kill you!"
Turns out that Sleazoid is an enforcer, breaking legs and murdering people, and Posh Guy has a job for him: "it might get heavy and weird."
"But I wanted to go to Jimmy's after-after-after party."
"Nope, this is too important."
"I'm planning to leave the business, so no killing. But I'll beat someone up for you."
Scene 5: They drive to Posh Guy's house. He tells Sleazoid to take some chloroform and knock out the person who answers the door, no matter who it is.
Left: Arturo Castro's backside I didn't have enough to make a full profile, but you're going to get his d*ck before this review ends.
The door is answered by: Posh Guy himself! Wearing another outfit.
The chloroform doesn't work. They fight. There's fireplace pokers, photos of wives, aquariums, and a trophy, and finally Posh Guy is killed.
Scene 6: Our Posh Guy arrives, and is not happy to find the house destroyed and the Other Posh Guy dead. Plus "The Crime Boss will be here soon, and he can't see you."
They clean up just in time for Sleazoid to hide.
Crime Boss arrives, and tells Posh Guy that he knows who ratted out his son Jimmy to "those pig c*ks*ckers." Homophobic slur, in 2026! I am disgusted. You get one more before I'm outta here.
More after the break.