I accidentally clicked on
The Whale on Netflix, forgetting that when you click, you don't get more information, it starts. And I was eating a bagel, so I kept watching.
Scene 1: A bus drives through a wilderness of fields, with mountains in the background. It stops to let someone out -- with no houses or buildings for miles around?
Cut to someone teaching "persuasive writing" in a Zoom room. The students wonder why his camera isn't on. No icon, either, just a black square that gets bigger and bigger. Maybe he's a ghost.
Scene 2: The teacher, Charlie, at home. He's a super-chub plus who needs a walker to get around, now masturbating to gay porn! Wheezing, clutching at his left arm, he begins grading a paper on Moby Dick. I thought he was having a heart attack.
A stranger played by Ty Simpkins, top photo, walks in, says "Oh my God," and asks if he need an ambulance. No, still wheezing and clutching, he wants the stranger to read the Moby Dick essay to him.
Many people don't know that there is a gay couple in Moby Dick: Ishmael and Queequeg. And a whale, ergo the title of the movie.
Reading it calms Charlie down. He asks the stranger -- there to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ -- to retrieve his cell phone from beneath the couch. Oh no, he's going to bash the guy to death.
Nope. Just asks him to stick around while he calls his friend Liz, a nurse.
Scene 3: Liz shows up, checks Charlie out, and complains that he should have gone to the hospital. He has congestive heart failure. His blood pressure is 238/134. Is that even possible?
While he's in the bathroom, Liz talks to the God guy, Thomas. He's from New Life; her father is on the church board. She went when she was young, but she "fucking hated" the end-of-the-world bull*.
I get it; I grew up terrified that the Rapture would come at any moment, and I'd be left behind. By the way, Charlie hates New Life, too, because it killed his boyfriend -- her brother. No doubt a suicide due to being indoctrinated into "God hates fags" ideology. So he doesn't need Thomas quoting the Book of Leviticus when he is about to die.
They kick Thomas out. Darn, I thought he would be a major character, and we'd get some people combating religious homophobia. Maybe Charlie would help him come out.
Scene 4: They argue about going to the hospital some more. Charlie still refuses. They watch tv: The Idaho GOP presidential primary is tomorrow, with Ted Cruz leading, so this is March 7, 2016.
So, is there going to be any paranormal here at all? Or at least a murder?
I'm fast-forwarding.
Very limited setting -- everything takes place in Charlie's house, and there are only two more characters -- Charlie's estranged daughter, and the pizza delivery guy.
Wait -- Thomas returns at minute 41. Charlie is in the bathroom. The Estranged Daughter answers the door.
He says that Charlie wanted to hear about the New Life Church -- he kicked you out, dummy -- and brought some literature.
"Oh, the end time cult thing. All religion is bullshit. By the way, have some juice, and please come back again tomorrow." Huh? Does she like him? Well, I guess he won't be coming out.
Daughter leaves, and Thomas starts badgering Charlie about the End Times. Hey, maybe it will happen in the movie. A Left Behind kind of thing.
"There are a lot of clues in Scripture that suggest Christ is returning soon. I can't wait. Everything bad in the world will be wiped clean." Like the gay people, right?
Then: "God brought me here for a reason. He wants me to save your soul." Being saved means not being gay anymore, of course.
"There's something you can do for me," Charlie says. Thomas thinks he means sex, and starts stuttering "I'm not...I mean..."
At least he doesn't start screaming. Charlie explains that he is not interested in that. He likes big guys.
Liz comes in. "What the f*ck is he doing here?" Getting a blow job, of course.
This is too problematic. I'm getting triggered by evangelical homophobia. I'll check wikipedia to see if Ty ends up coming out.
The answer, and Ty's dick, after the break. Caution: Explicit.
.jpg)
.jpg)
