"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

Note: In this story, Abraham is 16, and Ash is 17. All models in n*de photos are 18 or over.

August 23, 2025: The first night of The Play that Goes Wrong, and everything did go wrong!  It was supposed to be about mishaps during a performance, with forgotten lines, broken props, and so on, but Ash really did forget his lines, miss his mark, and open his eyes while dead!  It was unusual for juniors to get starring roles, even in Lowland Summer Stock -- they usually went to seniors on their way to study drama at prestigious universities.  So this was a big opportunity -- that he flubbed.  

After the requisite standing ovation, he wanted to slink out quietly, skip the cast party, and go home, but Pontius Gemstone and Stacy, two guys from his skateboarding group, were waiting in the wings, along with the cutest boy Ash had ever seen: a round face, blue-grey eyes, a shock of unruly brown hair.  He looked familiar, but Ash couldn't place him.

"My man!" Pontius exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.  "We had to come out and support our skating bro!"

"So...er...how did you like the show?" he asked the cute boy.  

He said "Nice" in a near whisper, and looked up at Pontius.

"You know my little brother Abraham, right?"  

Now he remembered.  "Oh, sure -- I've seen you around the skate park, and in French class last year."  He turned to Pontius.  "This guy spends three-fourths of the class not saying a word, and then suddenly he gives a five-minute spiel on Cocteau."

"Cock Two?" Pontius repeated.  "Sounds like my kind of writer."  

Stacy laughed and grabbed his arm.  "Be good!"

"Oh, I'm always good, Stace."

Wait -- were Pontius and Stacy dating?  He knew that Stacy was gay, but didn't Pontius like girls?  

"We're...um...going out for pizza," Abraham said, looking down.  "Do you want to come with us?"

"En Francais, s'il vous plait."

He grinned -- a smile that made Ash melt!  "Veux-tu manger une pizza avec nous ? Et baise-moi."

And kiss me?  Whoa....  

Left: On "The Righteous Gemstones," Ash is played by Michael Sayfou.

They stopped at Famulari's for a bacon-cheeseburger pizza.  Yep, Pontius and Stacy started dating while he was in the hospital after the Gator Farm Massacre.  Stacy didn't want to tell their parents or anyone in the skating group yet.  He didn't explain why, but Ash suspected that it was because Pontius didn't seem like the monogamous type, and why get everyone all excited for them if they were going to break up in a few weeks?  

Once he had about a quart of soda in him, Abraham opened up.  His parents took him to Paris for his tenth birthday, and he was hooked.  He wanted to major in French in college, and become a translator.  He liked Heartstopper on Nickelodeon, country-Western music, mountain bikes, water-skiing, and scary movies.

Ash saw his chance: "Have you seen Sinners?  It's about twin brothers fighting vampires during the Great Depression."

"Sounds cool," Abraham said, flashing that incredible smile.  "Where's it playing?"

Ash checked his cell phone.  "At the Terrace.  I'm performing tomorrow and Sunday, but we could go on Tuesday night, if you're free."

Pontius began "Sure, we'd...", but Stacy shushed him.  "I mean, sorry, we have plans.  Why don't you and Abraham go together?"

Abraham looked down at his plate.  "Sure."

"Great.  I'll pick you up..."

"No!" he said forcefully, almost angrily.  "I'll pick you up..."

They all stared.  

"See, Grandad gave me a car for my sixteenth birthday, so I like to do the driving."

Ash's performance was better on Saturday night, and nearly perfect for the Sunday matinee, but still, the hours dragged.  He couldn't stop thinking of Abraham's smile, and resisted the urge to text him every five minutes.  He still texted a lot, just not every five minutes.

August 27, 2025: The movie was one of the best he'd ever seen, and the date was the best he'd ever had, cuddling against the amazingly cute Abraham Gemstone, arranging to reach for the popcorn when he did so their hands could touch.  But things came crashing down when Abraham dropped Ash off at his house, and he leaned in for a kiss.

Abraham moved his head.  "Hey, watch it!"

Ash's stomach churned.  Wasn't this a date?  Wasn't Abraham gay?  "Sorry.  I thought..."

He was staring straight ahead.  "It's ok."

"If you don't like me in that way, we can always be friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Shake hands?"  He held out his hand.  Abraham took it, pressed the open palm to his face, and closed his eyes.  Was he trembling?

"Are you ok?" 

"No.  I mean, yeah, sure, of course.  Good night."  He dropped Ash's hand.

More after the break

That 90s Show, Episode 3.6: Ozzie dates, Theo gets groped, and the Human Erection gets dumped. WIth Theo and Noah nudes

That 90s Show is a nostalic spin-off of That 70s Show, set 20 years later, with the children of the original cast hanging out in that basement: Jay, the pretty one (Mace Coronel, left); Nate, the stupid one (Maxwell Acee Donovan); Ozzie, the gay one (Reyn Doi); and three or four girls, it's hard to keep track.

While the other teens merge in and out of complicated love triangles and quadrangles, Ozzie is always being stymied in his quest for the elusive penis.  He has a long-distance boyfriend in Canada, who dumps him before we can meet him, and then a lost connection with Isaac (Raphael Alejandro) in Season 3.  I'm reviewing the episode where they go on their first date, "Life is a Highway."

Scene 1: Grandma Kitty, Grandpa Red, and Gwen's mom  are in the kitchen, doing stuff with meat, when Gwen's Dad Otis (Cedric Yarbrough) arrives with a big announcement: he was hit by a mail truck, and settled for $20,000, so he cand take a break from his truck driving job and spend some time with "his girls."

Gwen's Mom reveals a problem: whenever Gwen's Dad bangs into town, he's so charming that Mom jumps into bed with him, and then they start arguing, and Gwen is in the middle of it. Easy, Grandma Kitty says: "I'll just keep you from having sex with him."

Scene 2: Dad Otis is cooking in preparation for the big barbecue when his daughter Gwen and focus character Leia enter, wanting truck-driving lessons.

Scene 3: At the barbecue, Nate the Stupid One complains that he can't break up with his overbearing girlfriend, Betsy. He tried to break up, and she said "No."  Hey, wasn't this plot on Seinfeld around 1996?  

Dad Otis commiserates:  "I been there -- you lay the pipe too clean, the wild ones never let you go." Ulp, he's talking about Jay the Pretty One's sister!  

Ok, how to break up with her: "Tell her that you cheated with that little hottie." Ulp, he's talking about Jay's girlfriend! 

Scene 4: Nikki, yet another member of the basement gang, and Ozzie meet in the diner. 

Nikki's  problem: Her boyfriend, Theo (Anthony Turpel), just wants to kiss, and she's ready to go downtown, but he's shy, and she's never had to make the first move before.  Her last boyfriend was Nate the Stupid One, aka the Human Erection-- she'd just look down, and his cock would be in her hand. Whoa, these are teenagers. Let's keep it G-rated!

How can Nikki subtly inform him that she wants sex?  Ozzie suggests going to a movie, making sure there's a box of popcorn on his lap, reaching for some, and missing.  Where'd you learn that trick, boy?  Isn't this your first date?

Anthony Turpel, age 24, probably has some beefcake or nudes online.  I'll check after the break.

Ozzie's problem: He can't go to a kid's movie on his first date, but for a R-rated, he needs adults to buy the tickets.  

He asks Sonny and Bunch, an aging hippie couple, or heterosexual life partners -- it's hard to tell. They don't display any heterosexual interest in this episode, but they're played by Jay and Silent Bob, aka Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.  

They get all excited because they don't have any kids of their own, and will welcome the opportunity to become parents. 

In case you haven't seen Jason Mewes nude recently.

Scene 5: Nate the Human Erection tries to break up with Betsy by claiming that he cheated with "Amy Pasta."  But Betsy likes the idea, and suggests a three-way.  Hey, these are teenagers!

Scene 6: Ozzie and Isaac are alone at the movie -- until the guys arrive to cover their eyes if something inappropriate comes on, like blood or boobs.  Guys, boobs won't be a problem.  Now, let's talk penises.

Scene 7: Back at the barbecue, Gwen's Dad Otis was allowed to cook, and now the wieners are all shriveled.  Penis joke, har har.

 Also, Grandma Kitty was trying to prevent Gwen's parents from having sex, but they had sex anyway.  "It wasn't your fault.  Trying to stop us made it hotter."

Dad Otis also blew off the big, important truck-driving lesson, letting his daughter down, so Leia and Gwen drive off by themselves, with no lessons. 

More after the break. Caution: it gets even more explicit.

Kelvin's Rebound Date with Percy

 

This story takes place shortly after Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.4, the Kelvin/Keefe breakup.

Kelvin sat in his bathrobe, with Jesse on one side and Judy on the other.  Usually his siblings insulted and criticized him, but not today.  At least, not very much.

"You can't sit here feeling sorry for yourself for the rest of your life," Jesse told him.  "You have obligations to the church.  We need you."

"I can't go back to leading the youth ministry," Kelvin said softly.  "It will remind me of Keefe."

"It isn't just being reminded, Dummy," Judy said.  "Once you get admitted to this family, you don't get un-admitted.  Keefe will still be around.  You'll see him at church, at Sunday dinner, everywhere, so get used to it."

Kelvin hadn't thought of that.  "How could I ever see him without crying?"  

 "Just man up and deal with it," Jesse told him.  "You're not the first guy to get dumped by his boyfriend."

"He wasn't my boyfriend,"  Kelvin protested.  "He was my...he was my life.  He was my world."  

Judy scoffed.  "Well, maybe what you need is a good old-fashioned boyfriend.  Not the beginnig and end of your world, just someone to go out and have fun with.  You know, dating.  If  it turns into true love, fine; if not, at least you got your dick sucked."

"Judy!"  

"I'm not an expert on what gay guys like," Jesse said, "But if you want an outside opinion, I think you've got it all.  You're handsome, you're muscular, you have a gay wardrobe, and  you're famous.  I'll bet half the gay boys in the country used to jerk off to your Kelvin's Chastity Club posters."

"I always wondered about that," Judy said.  "You and Zac Efron in swimsuits, holding hands.  How does that promote chastity?"

"There were no girls in the poster.  Just two guys having fun...um...together."  Kelvin caught himself. Were those posters homoerotic?  How would he know?  At age 15, he didn't even know what "gay" meant.  "Anyway, I didn't design it.  Blame the church's pr department."

"Send in $5, and get an autographed picture of Kelvin with a bulge in his jeans,"  Judy continued.  "$10 if you want him to whip it out."

"I did not have a bulge," Kelvin protested.  "Well, just my natural body contours. I can't help my size."  He found himself smiling for the first time in days.  It felt good to be the subject of his siblings' teasing.  Maybe his life wasn't over.  Maybe he had a future after all. 

Maybe he should go out on a date.

But who to ask?  He couldn't just walk into a gay bar -- the tabloids would love it!  Someone from the church?  Was there a dating app for gay Christians?  Wait -- Percy, the designer who worked on the executive board room.  He seemed nice, and he was kind of cute. Not obviously buffed, but he probably worked out -- all gay guys did.

He was soft-spoken, maybe a little femme, but was he actually gay?  The name Percy, an interior designer -- weren't those stereotypes?  Kelvin didn't remember seeing a wedding ring.  

One way to find out: he put on his most bulging, muscle-displaying outfit and drove out to the design studio in Charleston.  Percy was at his desk, talking to two clients.  Kelvin waved, and he waved back.

A good sign, right?

Kelvin sat on one of the design couches and played with his cell phone to calm his nerves. Gay dating apps -- what was Grindr about?

"Hey, Kelvin."  Percy sat down beside him, almost but not quite seeing his Gridr profile, and put a hand on his shoulder.  His hand on my shoulder, Kelvin thought.  That's a gay thing, right?   "How's your board room working out."

"Oh, it's great.  We love the frescos with Jesse as a Christian warrior and me holding a little child."  

"I was going for a Father, Son, and Holy Ghost motif."

Percy was looking directly into his eyes!  His heart was pounding.  "So..."

"So...." Percy repeated, an eyebrow raised.

"So I was wondering....um...if you are free Friday night, would you like to come over to the house for dinner?"

Percy looked surprised.  "You mean, with the family?" 

"No...um...just me.  Just me and you, I mean."

"Oh...oh.  Sure, I'd be happy to."  

"Great!"  

They stared at each other.  The little bell on the door rang: another client!  But Kelvin still couldn't speak.

Percy giggled and touched his hand. "Here's where you tell me what time to come, Kelvin."

"Oh...oh, right.  Come at 8:00."  8:00 seemed a little late for dinner, but when people went out on dates in movies, they always said "I'll pick you up at 8:00."

"Ok.  Gotta run.  Can't wait until Friday!"  He squeezed Kelvin's hand and rushed off to greet his clients.

Gulp.  Kelvin spend the next three days watching every romcom in BJ's collection, and taking notes. Darn, he and Percy never had a meet-cute.  But the first date was standardized.  It always involved three steps.

More after the break