Kelvin Gemstone: The Top Christ Following Man
On Saturday morning, Jimmy came downstairs to the staff bustling about, cleaning bedrooms, mopping, vacuuming. Most of the family had already finished breakfast and scattered to the boat or the swimming pools, but Kelvin and Keefe were still in the breakfast nook. The youngest of the Gemstones was short, sturdy, muscular, and femme, a Tom of Finland drag queen, married to a long-haired muscleman with a fading “Hail Satan” tattoo visible on his forearm.
“Good morning!” Kelvin called, flashing the usual Look. “I hope you got a lot of rest, ‘cause we have a full day planned.”
Jimmy sat next to him. A waiter jumped forward to fill his coffee cup and hand him the breakfast menu. He ordered the Denver omelet and sourdough toast.
“To be honest, after the noise and honking horns of Metropolis, it was hard to sleep in the quiet.” Especially with his superpower revealing who was going at it at 3 and 4 am.
“Back when I was in Satan’s Baby, we toured in Metropolis a lot,” Keefe said. “I used to be a regular in the gay club scene up there. Have you been to The Metropolis Eagle?”
Why did Keefe think that Jimmy would be hanging out in gay clubs? “Your heavy metal past is a story waiting to be told. Maybe I can interview you later?”
He looked down at his mostly-eaten frittata. “Thanks, but I like to stay out of the spotlight. I’m the roots of the tree, and Kelvin is the branches.”
Ok, so he wouldn’t be getting much information from Keefe. Time to interrogate Kelvin. “So you came out publicly last year, but I’m sure the family knew long before that. How did you come out to them?”
“Well, I didn’t really need to come out to them – they knew long before I did, back when I was a kid and sneaked peeks at my sister’s teen magazines. It took me forever to figure it out for myself. I was in denial for years, until…” He hesitated. “I guess the kidnapping.”
But that was in 2023. He had the God Squad, a cadre of bodybuilders living in yurts on his front lawn, in 2022. How could he not know?
Keefe objected, too: “But we were doing stuff back when we first met, when Gideon and Scotty….” Kelvin shot him a harsh look, and he trailed off.
Obviously Kelvin was trying to control the narrative, present himself as unaware until 2023, so he could claim not to know about Gideon and Scotty….who the heck was Scotty, and what did it have to do with Kelvin?
“Keefe, are you sure you won’t reconsider that interview? Maybe we can do it while swimming later. I heard that the Lake House was clothing optional?”'
Keefe flashed the Look and glanced at Kelvin, who nodded his consent.
Kelvin Gemstone is short in stature, but he knows how to Do It Big: with puffy muscles, flamboyant outfits, and a series of revolutionary ministry innovations. His most recent, a daily reflection for queer youth, averages 200 people in the on-site meeting and over a million views on the Gemstone streaming service, and won him the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award. Yet at home he is the quintessential nerd, a quiet, shy guy who collects comic books, plays arcade games with his husband, and can name all of the planets in the “Star Wars” universe.
Keefe Chambers: the Heavy Metal Rocker
City boy Jimmy learned to swim in a public pool, had been rescued from a sinking ship by Beast Boy, and was trembling with fear on the floating dock as Keefe dove into the 200-foot deep water of Lake Murray (Kelvin stayed behind to do some work with Prism.) He pulled himself up, rocking the dock – the guy weighed 200 pounds – and climbed up to the slide.
He paused. “Aren’t you coming in, Jimmy?”
“No, thanks -- I’ll just work on my tan. But I’m enjoying watching you.” Jimmy hesitated, realizing that it sounded like he was interested – and maybe he was. The guy was massive everywhere. If he was going to accept one of the three-way hints this weekend, it would be with Kelvin and Keefe.
Keefe tumbled down the slide, dove in again, and then lay on the beach towel next to Jimmy – so close that they were touching, of course.
“Tell me about how you and Kelvin met,” Jimmy suggested.
He grinned at the memory. “It was at Charleston Pride 2019. I was passing out fliers for Baby Queef – my solo act after I quit Satan’s Baby. Kelvin came to one of my performances, and that was it. For me, anyway. It took like three years to convince him that we should be more than sex buddies, and five years to talk him into marrying me.”
Keefe Chambers was on his way to an impressive career – lead singer in a heavy metal band, a solo act as a Satanic comedian, friends with musical giants Ozzie Osborne and Trent Reznor, covers of “It’s Raining Men” and “I’m Coming Out” that charted in France. But he gave it all up to stand in the wings, quietly supporting Kelvin Gemstone, his best friend, boyfriend, and eventually his husband.
“So Charleston Pride, June 2019, right?” Jimmy fished. "Was that before or after Gideon and Scotty?”
“Gideon came home from California later, after I moved into Kelvin's house. Maybe in January or February? Scotty came up a week or so later, and stayed through...well, stayed awhile.”
“A boyfriend?”
“Probably. I mean, we had them over for dinner, like they were a couple.”
“So Gideon is gay?”
Keefe patted his shoulder. “You'd better ask him yourself. He likes irises and Greek food.” He dove into the water again.
If Rev. Gemstone allowed Gideon and his boyfriend to live openly in his house in the spring of 2020, the thing that happened couldn’t be about being gay. Unless he started homophobic, kicked Gideon out of the house, and somehow the relationship was restored.
Gideon Gemstone: The Superhero
They returned to the house, changed clothes, and joined Kelvin and BJ for a game of cornhole (yes, that was the name) on the veranda.
Gideon drove up on his motorcycle just before lunch. He was in his mid-20s, a little shorter than Kelvin, with a tight, firm physique and an open, slightly freckled face.
“Sorry I didn’t come up earlier, Mr. Olsen. I had an emergency at the skatepark to take care of.”
“It’s Jimmy.”
“Then I’m Gideon.” He smiled as they shook hands.
Wait – a smile, but no Look. This hardly ever happened! It was an immense relief to touch someone without seeing that rush of desire -- he didn’t want to stop holding Gideon’s hand. Then he realized that Gideon was staring at him, and dropped it. His face begain to burn.
Keefe nudged Kelvin and whispered something. They both beamed. Matchmakers? But this was the opposite of matchmaking – Gideon was the first person he’d met in a long time who wasn’t interested!
Gideon shooed away a staff member and grabbed his own bag. Jimmy took his arm as they walked into the house – still no Look. Kelvin and Keefe followed. “I want to hear about the skatepark ministry, but I think the Daily Planet readers will be more interested in the times you saved the day.”
“Me – saved the day? What do you mean?”
“You helped your Grandfather escape the militia thugs, rescued your Dad from the kidnappers, hunted down the Cycle Ninjas...”
“He’s like Superman,” Keefe exclaimed.
Gideon laughed. “Wait – aren’t you friends with the real Superman, Jimmy?”
“No, but I used to date the Green Lantern.” Coming out as bi – well, in this family, straight people were in the minority.
Jimmy couldn’t ask Gideon about “the thing that happened” at lunch, with everyone around, but afterwards, as the others were prepping for the talent show or lounging on the veranda, he tried. He sat down with Gideon in the Game Room, pulled out his recorder as if it was a formal interview, and began with: “You moved between California and South Carolina several times. What brought you out there the first time?”
“I wanted a career as a stuntman, and California is the place to be.”
“Oh.” Jimmy was disappointed, but he knew that interview subjects need some human connection to feel comfortable enough to open up. “Same thing with me. I wanted to be a journalist, and I couldn’t do that, not really, in Asheville. It had to be Metropolis, a thousand miles from home.”
“Do you miss your family and friends?” Gideon asked.
Wait, was he trying the human-connection bit? Maybe it was what preachers did. “Sure. But I talk to my folks every week, and Chloe – that’s my high school sweetheart, or at least she thinks she is – once a month or so. She’s married to the Green Arrow now.”
Gideon laughed. “Green Lantern, Green Arrow – you guys are really into green. I should fix you up with Kelvin – everything in his wardrobe is emerald, or teal, or chartreuse.”
It was a pleasure being around Gideon, not having to worry about the subtle caresses, the carefully veiled – or not so carefully veiled – flirtations. Jimmy wished that they could just hang out and talk about regular things, but he was on a schedule, and he needed a Gideon profile for his article.
“What about you? I already heard about your ex-boyfriend Scotty, but have you dated anyone lately?"
Gideon stood and walked away – or rather, stomped away -- without another word.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
The Talent Show
When Jimmy came down for the Talent Show, Gideon was sitting in the front row. Like Judy yesterday, he gestured for Jimmy to join him.
“I’m sorry I left so abruptly before,” he began. “It’s just that Scotty is a sore spot for me.”
Before Jimmy could ask for more details, the show began with Rev. Gemstone dressed as Elvis Presley, singing “Love Me, Tender" to a teddy bear.
Gideon nudged Jimmy to offer him some of his popcorn. Where did he get it? Was there a concessions stand?
Next, Mrs. Gemstone played Beethoven’s Sonata 8, Pathéthique, on the piano, BJ did his magic act (badly), and Judy sang her mother’s hit, “Toodles Until Tomorrow”
If you look back, you'd see them behind us
For the road leads us on with the moon and the sun
Wake up, move along and say goodbye
Gideon sniffed and brought a handkerchief to his eyes – allergies, or was he crying?
It was Pontius and Stacy's turn. Dressed as surfer dudes, they performed “Summer Lovin’”, turning it into two gay guys describing their summer boyfriends.
I met a boy, crazy for me -- I met a boy, cute as can be.
Tell me more, tell me more, 'cause the evening sounds sick.
Tell me more, tell me more, like how big was his...car?
We stayed out 'til nine o'clock....we made out, I sucked his...dreamsicle
Tell me more, tell me more -- did you meet Mom and Pop?
Tell me more, tell me more -- did he bottom or top?
Gideon wrapped his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, and Jimmy relaxed into him. It was different, touching someone who didn’t have the Look, wasn’t overwhelmed with desire. Comfortable – relaxing.
Next, Kelvin and Keefe stood. "We need two volunteers for our act," Keefe announced.
"I see two hands up," Kelvin announced. "Jimmy and...what's that guy's name?...Gideon. Come on, you can hold hands later."
They dragged the guys into the music room, and had them change into swimsuits and raincoats: "You dance along. When I point, pull off your raincoats and do a sort of stripper routine, got it?"
The song was "It's Raining Men."
According to gay sources -- like Lambda Legal?
The street's the place to go -- get going, boy!
'Cause tonight for the first time -- just about half-past ten
For the first time in history, it's gonna start raining men!
At "raining men," Keefe pointed, and they started their strip routine. Jimmy's college fraternity did a Full Monty evening to raise money for testicular cancer awareness, and he remembered most of the moves, so he did a bump and grind, a pelvic thrust, some twerking, and an ab-roll. Gideon followed his lead.
Whew, he could fill out a Speedo! Was every Gemstone hung? He saw how Mrs. Gemstone was fixated on his crotch, and Rev. Gemstone was trying not to look. Maybe he'd knock on their bedroom door tonight, and get a first hand tour of a Gemstone cock -- and Amber's bosom. Or maybe he'd hang out with Gideon, the troubled bad boy who felt guilty because he was too nice.
Jimmy ended his performance by jumping into Kelvin's arms. Gideon followed, jumping into Keefe's arms. Was Gideon a bottom or a top? Probably a bottom.
They returned to their seats, Jimmy wrapped his arm around Gideon's shoulders, and Abraham and Ash ended the talent show with “Kryptonite”
If I'm alive and well, will you be there and holding my hand?
I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might -- Kryptonite
"I'll bet they chose this song for your benefit," Gideon whispered.
“Then they should have said, ‘call me the Green Lantern.’”
Was it a Date?
After the Talent Show, they took a vote about where to go for dinner, and decided on the Rusty Mule, but Gideon pulled Jimmy aside. “Unless you have more interviews to conduct, I have a better idea.” He drove Jimmy on the back of his motorcycle to Cava, a Greek restaurant.
As they sat down to stuffed grape leaves, moussaka, and baklava, Jimmy wondered if Gideon was going to open up about Scotty – the thing that no one would talk about – the big scoop. But he wasn’t really interested in a scoop anymore. He wanted to get to know Gideon better.
“You don’t have to talk about Scotty, if it upsets you,” he said.
“No, I want to. He was my first boyfriend. We came from California to visit my family, and…Jimmy, the press doesn’t know this,, but he robbed the church. The $3,000,000 Easter offering. He kidnapped my Dad and beat up my Grandad to force them to open the church vault. Then when he was driving away, he was killed in a car crash."
"I'm sorry..." Jimmy began.
"And the worst part is -- the robbery was my idea. I got Scotty killed. I almost got my Dad and Granddad killed.”
Unsure of what to do, Jimmy reached over and took his hand. He expected Gideon to draw away, but he didn’t.
“I’m not Superman. More like Lex Luthor.”
“Don’t worry, this won’t go in my article.”
“No, put it in. Everybody thinks that my family is perfect, the Righteous Gemstones. But we have faults, me more than any of them. I'm trying to be a good person, but after all this time, I'm still torn between California and Charleston, a good Christian boy and a devil.”
Jesse and Amber Gemstone’s eldest son Gideon is a warrior. He had a successful career as a Hollywood stuntman, with time off to rescue the Gemstones from assassins, kidnappers, and terrorists and settle down to a ministry that combines stunt work with the Gospel. But, as Superman knows, being a superhero comes with a price. He must remain a secret, a cipher, never revealing his true self to his family or to the world.
“Is Scotty the only guy you’ve been with?”
“No, I've been with a few guys. Clay Chang last Christmastime. Keefe, when he and Kelvin broke up -- back when they were just dating. But I wasn’t really into it. I was going through the motions because it was expected, but it wasn’t me. It’s not who I am.”
“Maybe you like girls,” Jimmy suggested.
“I like guys and girls both, but I don't like body parts prodding into me. Does that make sense?"
That’s why Gideon didn’t give him the Look. He just wasn’t interested in anyone in that way. He was asexual! Did Jimmy dare suggest it?
“Is it the sexual closeness, or the emotional closeness, that you don’t care for? Or both?”
“I guess I would like to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but sooner or later they’ll always want sex, and I’ll go along with it to please them, and then I’ll feel disgusted with myself and want to run away to California.”
“Just explain the situation to them. You’re such a great guy, I’m sure almost anyone will be happy spending time with you. The sex stuff is not the main thing.”
"You're the first person who ever said that to me," Gideon told him. "Usually 'How big are you?' comes right after 'Hello.'"
"Believe me, I know what you mean."
They returned to the Lake House before the rest of the family, and gazed at each other as if it was the end of a date. Well, wasn’t it? Jimmy had only been with people who were desperate to have sex with him – what did you do at the end of a date with an asexual person, an ace?
Finally Gideon pulled him into a warm hug. “Well, goodnight. See you in the morning.”
Love's Unwavering Flame
Jimmy stayed downstairs, trying to get his mind off Gideon by leafing through a copy of Kelvin’s Prism -- it was not a censored Bible, like the conservative media claimed, but rather some passages of interest to queer Christians, with devotional guides written by a lot of famous gay people, like Malcolm Boyd and Dag Hammarskjöld:
You wake from dreams of doom and--for a moment--you know: beyond all the noise and the gestures, the only real thing, love's calm unwavering flame in the half-light of an early dawn.
The family returned, joking and carousing. He got an arm caress from Judy, an “if you need anything during the night, anything at all” from Mrs. Gemstone, a “let us know if we’re too loud” from Pontius, and Looks from Abraham and Ash. They all moved upstairs, but Jimmy stayed behind.
Yes, he was stalling.
Lois Lane
When he was alone, Jimmy phoned Lois Lane. "This better be about the big scoop, Jimmy. Clark and I...I mean, I was in bed."
"It's important. Say, theoretically, you hit it off with an interview subject, and wanted to...um...date them....would it be a violation of journalistic ethics?"
There was a long pause. "Well...um...you've taken Journalism 101. Dating your subject might result in a biased interview."
"So, since you've done a lot of interviews with Superman, you wouldn't date him, right?"
Another long pause. Then Clark Kent came on the line. "Hey, Jimmy. I just stopped by to deliver a story. Technically it's a violation, but there are always exceptions."
"Same question: you've done a lot of interviews with Superman. Would you be ok with dating him?"
"If I was a woman, sure. So, who's the girl you have your eye on -- one of the Gemstones?"
Lois returned. "Wait -- are there any single women in the Gemstone family? I thought Jesse Gemstone just had sons."
"Well, gotta go. Thanks for the advice." He hung up, braced himself, and walked upstairs, passing the rooms where Kelvin and Keefe and Pontius and Stacy were busy putting body parts into body parts, and knocked on Gideon’s door.
“Come in.”
He was propped up in bed, playing on his cell phone. “Hi, Jimmy. What’s up?”
Jimmy felt himself trembling. He had never done this with someone who hadn’t given him the Look, and he wasn’t at all sure that he would be accepted. “I..um…” He took a few steps into the room. “I'm not tired yet. Want to watch a movie?”
"Sure, I guess…but I’m already in bed. I’m in my underwear.”
“I can see that.”
“We could go downstairs to the game room...or you could join me here.”
They watched The Out-Laws, a romcom starring Adam Devine – who looked nothing like Kelvin, no matter what Lois Lane said. They cuddled, and held hands, and finally fell asleep in each other’s arms. This was the first time that Jimmy had ever spent the night with someone without being sucked, fucked, mounted, pegged, prodded, licked, fondled, inserted, and squelched from all directions. This was nice – warm and peaceful, like a hug.
Sunday
After breakfast on Sunday morning, the Gemstones prepared to head back to Charleston, and Jimmy let the staff pack his bags and load them into his car. Gideon drew him aside.
“Where will you go now? Back to Metropolis?”
“Actually, I have to go to Santa Clarita to interview a kid who thinks that zombies are real. But I should be back in Metropolis by this time next week.”
“You might get a visitor,” Gideon said.
“Sure, come on up. I’ll take you to the Metropolis Museum of Art, the Folger Museum, maybe a Meteors game…”
“And your bedroom, I hope.”
They hugged.
See also: Is There Sex After Death?: A Gideon and Scotty story
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