Gemstones Episode 2.1: Junior likes dicks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f**k, yeah! We got both.

Previous: Gemstones Season 1 finale: Judy and Kelvin begin to heal, and Scotty joins the family

Righteous Gemstones Season 2 is my favorite.  Season 1 muddled the Gideon-Scotty plotline, Season 3 had some infuriating queerbaiting, and Season 4 was rushed and muddled, but Season 2 did the Kelvin/Keefe and Junior/Eli romances exactly right.   

Title: "I Speak in the Tongues of Men and Angels."  I Corinthians 13.1: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." Charity means "love," of course.  We'll see who is lacking.

Memphis Soul Stew: Memphis, 1968. Teenage Eli Gemstone, the Maniac K*d (Jake Kelley), is playing a heel, a pro wrestling villain: "from the wrong side of the tracks, a newcomer to the League, all muscle, all attitude."  He fights dirty, pretending to reconcile with opponent Kyle Hawk, then throwing him out of the ring.  

As he fights, his manager Glendon Marsh (Wayne Duvall) cheers. Glendon's teenage son Junior (Tommy Nelson) watches, sometimes happy but usually disturbed.  Is he jealous of the attention Eli is getting?  Is he a rebellious teenager during the era of the Generation Gap?.

Nice Cock:  In the locker room, Glendon offers Eli "some bonus pay on the South Side," while Junior looks on, smoking a cigarette, still either jealous or angry. As they leave, they pass a naked guy. "That's a nice cock, Ernie," Glendon says.  Junior is so busy looking that he trips, and then looks back again.  The teenager is definitely into cocks and butts.

The Loan Enforcer: Glendon is a loan shark as well as a wrestling manager: the job involves beating up a deadbeat.  Eli and Junior both go, squabbling over who's the boss.  

"Kill 'em!" we hear.  Psych!  It's the tv.  We meet a slovenly, drunken, foul-mouthed, abusive jackass of a husband.  While Junor subdues his wife and son, Eli punches him a few times and asks for the money, and when he doesn't have it, breaks his thumbs. Junior laughs "derangedly" (according to the subtitles).

Afterwards Glendon drops Eli off, hands him some money, and tells him, "Buy yourself something nice." This is a feminizing statement. 

As Eli drives off on his motorcycle, we hear Buck Owens' "Tall Dark Stranger":

 They say a tall dark stranger is a demon, and  that a devil rides closely by his side.

 So if Junior is the demon, Eli must be the devil riding beside him.  How long will they ride together?

Abusive Daddies all the way down:  Eli drives to the Gemstone residence (it's not a stage name, apparently), where his abusive dad chastises him for being late for dinner. So they're eating after Eli's wrestling match?  Like at 11 or 12 pm?   There's also a mousy, skittish mom and a little sister, May-May (important in Season 3). 

Ordered to say grace, Eli jokes: "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat," which makes May-May laugh.  Dad slaps him.  End of flashback.

We're fine with the f*ggots:  In 2022, elderly Eli Gemstone is a megachurch pastor and televangelist.  He and the satellite church ministers are discussing the case of Pastor Butterfield (Victor Williams), caught videotaping his wife and another woman having sex in a dance club restroom, while they were all high on Molly ("we thought they were Sweetarts").  The story made the front page of The New York Times, thanks to reporter Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), who has made a career of publicizing ministerial sex scandals.  Eli wants to be lenient, but the others object.  (Left: random pecs)

A Spanish speaking pastor explains: "My church is ok with the maricones (roughly f*ggots), but we're not ready for swinging and tropus."     Pastor Diane translates: "His church is really cool with the gays and the queers, but not so much about the swingers and the thruples."  They fire Pastor Butterfield; he tries to commit suicide.  

Left: God Squad pecs

Tell the girls:  A young man rides a motorcycle to the Gemstone Compound, doing crazy stunts (this will be important later), while the background song advises:

Tell the girls that I am back in town.  They'd better beware

They may run, and they may hide.

I'll follow, and I'll be there.

A stalker?  At least we know that he's not the closeted gay minister.  He turns out to be Eli's grandson Gideon, back from a job as a stuntman to assist with the Gemstone ministry.  He's going to move into the house that Eli built for his abusive dad.

In other news, Gideon's younger brother Abraham has been masturbating, and leaving "semen loads" all over the house, like in the freezer next to the Dreamsicles.  

Left: Selfie. Not Gideon or Abraham

We cut to a church service with Eli Gemstone, Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin, announcing the start of their streaming service, GODD.  We see Jesse's wife Amber, their sons, and Judy's husband BJ in the audience.  No partner for Kelvin. He must be single

F*ck, yeah:  After the service, the family drives in a caravan to Jason's Steak House.  They get out of their cars in slow motion and walk past the al fresco area, heterosexual couples reveling in their nuclear family conformity, the "job, house, wife, progeny" litany of my youth made visible. The background song brags about their heteronormative success:

Turn your head when I walk by -- I got the world at my feet.
All I want out of every day, is to wake up every morning
Sun is shining, smiling, and we've covered every room 

 Wait -- where's Kelvin?

Suddenly the record scratches off. Two vans pull up with a flexing muscle Christ and the logo "Strength above All Else." Twelve muscle men emerge, wearing identical canvas gis: the God Squad! Biceps and pecs, abs, bulging flexing intruding on the smug primness of the nuclear families. Wait -- where are the bulges.  They wear cargo pants that don't show anything.

There is no romance here.  There is no heterosexual desire.  It is raw homoerotic power. The song changes to:

Fuck, yeah!  Fuck, yeah!  Fuck, yeah!

More after the break

Ayden Mekus: Croatian tease, star of quirky shorts and "what happens next will shock you" videos, into Jesus, dudes, girls, and tongues.

 

When Ayden Mekus popped up on the teen idol website, I wanted to do a profile because of his unusual name -- is he Croatian?   

And because a lot of the photos on the site show him with his girlfriend sticking her tongue out.  Either he's way into tongues or he likes to have her insult his fans: "I'm so much better than you, because I have him and you losers don't!" 

I guess the younger generation finds that attractive.  Ayden has over a million followers on TikTok and Instagram, and 14,000 on X.   

There are also a lot of photos of Ayden getting romantic with this blond dude, and earlier with a black guy.   It's a clean break, suggesting a change of boyfriends, not making a new friend.

Neither is shown sticking his tongue out, but maybe that's just a girlfriend thing.

Wait -- Ayden is not Croatian.  He was born in Northern California (straight code for San Francisco) and grew up on Coronado Island, where his father is the co-founder of Positive Choice Apparel (the clothes all have slogans like "Spread kindness.").  

Mekus is the Anglicized version of the Southern Slavic Mikuš, "Nicholas."  So maybe his ancestors came from Croatia (see my photo collection of Serbian studs and Croatian cocks).

Ayden got his start as a child model, dancer, youtube celebrity, and aficionado of tongues sticking out, but  his two older sisters are actors, so it was inevitable that he would start auditioning.  

His on-screen acting began in 2017 with a video game, and in 2018 with a lot of music videos and quirky shorts: 

Chocolate Chip Cookies: A  boy puts laxatives in them to prank his cranky neighbor.

To Smell the Roses: A boy steals his father's cell phone so he will "stop and smell the roses."

Utensils: Everyone at the dinner table is eating soup with a fork.

The Lilac Thief: No plot synopsis available, the film itself is stuck behind a paywall, but the cast list includes SWAT team members and "warrior youth."  So time travel?

Then came a lot of reality shows with internet celebrities: 14 episodes with Piper Rokelle, 16 with Friendzy Friday, 41 with ClaireRockSmith, 2 with Sawyer Sharbino, plus his own Ayden Mekus.

And some fictional series:

13 episodes of P.S. Positive Stories, about people making "positive change." 

One episodes of Sister Rules, about sisters who "finally decide to put family first."

73 of Dhar Mann's "uplifting" clickbait videos: 

 "Dad rejects stepson, then learns shocking truth," 

"This poor kid can't buy school lunch, the end will shock you,"

 "Kid gets humiliated playing ball, what happens next will shock you," 

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

New Birthday Pictures of Kelton Dumont, plus Pontius Gemstone's cock t-shirt, Wilson's wang, and two co-stars doing stuff. Can you blame them?

 

Previous: Kelton's nude photos, with new cock shots, Jak, Gavin, and a bonus fratboy

In honor of Kelton DuMont's 22nd birthday on October 24, 2025, his dad James posted some new, never-before-seen photos.  I can never get enough photos of Kelton Dumont, who played surly delinquent Pontius Gemstone on The Righteous Gemstones -- and, in Season 4, displayed a huge number of queer codes, like this cock-and-balls t-shirt.  They inspired me to write my two of my most homoerotic fan fictions about Pontius.

But there are some problems: I've already posted all of the nude photos of Kelton, including his on-screen butt and cock shots, some gay hookup photos, and one in bondage that I'm about 50% sure is him.  

Usually when the nude photos of the star run out, I find some of his co-stars, but Kelton doesn't have any post-Gemstone projects listed on the IMDB.  

He's currently in his senior year at Bennington College, majoring in drama, but the only plays I've found for him are Cymbeline,True West, and A Midsummer Night's Dream (he played Bottom, the guy with the ass's head).

Maybe I can go with the co-stars of Dad James (who played Chad on the Gemstones, and showed us his d*ck in the first episode).  He will be appearing  in two post-Gemstone projects.

Hunting Season: A reclusive survivalist and his daughter rescue a mysterious woman...ugh, starring Mel Gibson.

The Cellar Door 2: Preymates: Killer Herman (James) has been locked up, but a copycat killer is stalking the Last Girl. No other men in the cast.  Next!

How about Kelton's pre-Gemstones work?  His first major acting role came in Zipper (2015), as the son of a "successful family man" who becomes "addicted" to an escort service. Played by Patrick Wilson, who showed us his butt and back-cock.

Three episodes of The Astronauts' Wives Club (2015) as Mark Grisson, son of astronaut Gus Grisson (Joel Johnstone).

More after the break

Max Casella after dating Doogie: Christian Bale's buddy, Tony Soprano's driver, Timon, Bottom, bi. With a small d*ck bonus.

 

In the early 1990s, if your parents belong to a certain socioeconomic class, you were required to watch ABC's ultra-conservative programming block on Wednesday nights: 

The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage as a boy winning the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.

Home Improvement, with Tim Allen grunting with tools.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a...football coach.

And Doogie Howser, MD, with Neil Patrick Harris as a 16-year old who somehow managed to finish medical school, become a doctor, and get girls.

I wasn't of a certain age, I was not living with parents of a certain socioeconomic class, so on Wednesday nights I was watching Seinfeld.   Not Doogie Howser, because of its ridiculous premise and "Girls are the meaning of life!" ideology.  

 But I did notice Max Casella, who played Doogie's buddy: 22-26 years, "cute as a bug's ear," as the oldsters would say, and a member of the Short Guy Brigade at 5'7".

As everyone knows, Neil Patrick Harris came out a few years after Doogie, and for some inscrutable reason agreed to play "himself' in the homophobic Harold & Kumar movies and heterosexual horndog Barney on How I Met Your Mother (2005-14).  More recently, in Uncoupled (2022), he played a gay man dealing with the death of his partner and suddenly becoming single at midlife. 

But what has Max Casella been doing?

I'm researching the three standard questions: 

1. Any gay roles?

2. Gay in real life?

3. Any n*ude photos?  

1. Any gay roles?

In Newsies (1992), a Disney movie about the newsboys' strike of 1899, Max plays Racetrack Higgins, who may be gay or bisexual.  When focus character Jack (Christian Bale) says that they can't beat up the newsboys who refuse to join the strike, he "jokingly" suggests kissing them.

In Ed Wood (1994), the biopic of the director known for crossdressing, Glen or Glenda? and Plan 9 from Outer Space, Max plays Paul Marco, the gay actor who often starred in Wood's films.  His sexual identity is not mentioned here.

Later Max moved into animation, voicing characters on Pepper Anne, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Kim Possible; and video games such as Jak and Daxter (a humanoid elf and his previously-human otter-weasel buddy) and Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad of Gay Tony (he doesn't voice Gay Tony).

He appeared in 28 episodes of The Sopranos (2001-07) as Benny Fazio, who is partnered with Chris Moltisanti and sometimes works as Capo Tony's driver.  He's married with children.

Inside Llewelyn Davis (2013) depicts a day in the life of the folk singer (Oscar Davis) in the early 1960s Greenwich Village scene.  Max plays Club Manager Pappi Corsicato, who has sex with Llewelyn's girl.

Tulsa King (2024-): Sylvester Stallone plays a mob boss who tries to start a new cosa nostra among the Oklahoma cowboys.  Max plays Manny Truisi, formerly a soldier in the Invernizzi Family, who tried to assassinate Stallone's Dwight, then fled. and started a new life working on a horse ranch.  He's got a wife and kid.

More after the break.  

"Hell of a Summer": Six gay, bi, and "not into labels" guys work together to prove that gay people don't exist. And there's a psycho-slasher.

I haven't reviewed many movies lately because I've been burned several times.  

There are promos of two men gazing longingly at each other, but it turns out that they are about to fight, not kiss.  

There are trailers with guys buddy-bonding and no girls, but when you click "play," you get five minutes of a man and woman in bed.  

There are movies starring 35 gay male actors, and every single one of them is playing a straight guy.  

For example, the summer camp psych-slasher movie Hell of a Summer (2023) just dropped on Hulu with an icon featuring three obviously gay guys staring at a bloody axe.  

When I checked the cast list, I discovered that five of the top seven male cast members are gay or bi in real life.  

Obviously this will be a movie about a group of gay guys fighting a psycho-slasher.

Time to check the trailer.

Scene 1: Jason loves Camp Pineaway so much that he returns year after year.  Now age 24, he gives a "welcome" speech to the new counselors, with the rules: no smoking, no drinking, no cell phones.

Jason is played by Fred Hechinger (top photo and icon left), who is heterosexual but played the "I'm gay but the skittish producers won't let me say so" Emperor Caracalla in Gladiator II.

Scene 2:  The campers haven't arrived yet, so the counselors party.  I don't notice any boy-girl coupling. The extremely femme Chris arrives with his boyfriend Bobby, and yells "Hey, Girl!" at a girl named Shannon.

Chris is played by Finn Wolfhard (icon right), who is "bisexual." Usually this means attracted to men and women, but apparently Finn means attracted exclusively to men but not wanting to say "gay," just in case he may be attracted to a woman in the distant future.

Boyfriend Bobby is played by Finn's real-life boyfriend Billy Bryk (left and icon center).  He is "not into labels," meaning "gay, but afraid to admit it because then people might think he was gay or something."

Finn and Billy are also the writers and directors.  This is their project.

Scene 3: Later, femme Chris kisses Shannon?  WTF?

And brags to boyfriend Bobby that he performed oral sex on her.   Why isn't the boyfriend upset?  Are you a feminine-presenting heterosexual with a gay bestie, Girlfriend?  That's a big gay tease.

Left: Two gay guys to tide you over.  This is going to get rocky.

More after the break

Russell Posner: The incredibly cute gay teen of "The Mist" plays a politician, gets tied up, shows his dick, and vanishes. With bonus nude Morgan Spector and Jack Black

I used this photo of an incredibly well hung guy as an  illustration for my profile of the Norwegian Fire Viking.  He looks a lot like the incredibly cute Russell Posner, so I thought I would do a profile, on the off chance that they are the same person.

Turns out that the incredibly cute Russell Posner is not too easy to track down.

Famous Birthdays promises "A complete biography," but the complete biography consists of: "Canadian actor, born in 2003." 

Rotten Tomatoes adds: "began acting in commercials while in elementary school, and made his stage debut in Lost in Yonkers in 2012." When he was nine years old?

Broadway World likewise promises a "complete biography," and says only that he starred in The Mist.

His listing on We Audition says only that he's a "New York based actor" 

Trying to find him by googling "Russell Posner" and any of "high school," "college," "theater," "commercials," "Canada," and "actor" yields a guy from Florida who died at age 77 and a postdoctoral researcher in oncology.

Plus a shirtless photo of an incredibly cute guy who doesn't look like him.

Russell has 14 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with the 11 year old son in Eugene! (2012), a tv movie starring Eugene Mirman.

He played the 14-year old son of  Dan Landsman (Jack Black) in The D Train (2015).  Dan is organizing a high school reunion, and tries to get the most popular guy in school, Oliver (James Marsden), to come.  They end up doing some incredibly sexy stuff, but the buns belong to Dan as he gets up from a tryst with his wife.

Next Russell played the son of a journalist who decides to research The Pirates of Somalia (2017).

Russell's most famous work to date is in The Mist (2017), based on the Stephen King novel.  I just read the plot synopsis on the fan wiki, but it sounds incredibly homophobic:

As a murderous mist descends upon the town, high school Adrian (Russell) is at a party with his girlfriend, getting bullied for being gay (wait, that doesn't...).  Later while taking refuge in a hospital, he kisses Tyler (Chris Gray), who beats him up, then relents and agrees to sex.

He is kidnapped by a psych ward patient who sees "the incredible evil" in him.  They must mean being gay.

His Dad says that he could have loved him "in spite of being gay,"  if only he were "right in the head."  In spite of?  

More after the break

"Caravaggio's Shadow": As time goes by, the gay Baroque painter becomes more and more straight. With nude Italian men

When my generation was growing up, teachers, reference books, and movies always presented historical figures as absolutely, undeniably straight.  My paperback copy of The Importance of Being Earnest said that Oscar Wilde was imprisoned "on scandalous charges."  I asked the teacher what those charges were. She said she didn't know.

In the 1980s, we started to uncover the "lies, secrets, and silence," reveal the gay men and lesbians of the past who had been denied us.  We collected them like beacons of hope in a homophobic world: Plato, Aristotle, Walt Whitman, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickinson, Shakespeare, Gertrude Stein, Michelangelo...and Caravaggio (1571-1610), who introduced the Baroque style of bright, naturalistic color to Italy, who scandalized the art world by using thieves, beggars, and prostitutes as models for religious-themed paintings.  And who was gay.

Everybody in West Hollywood went to Caravaggio (1986), by filmmaker Derek Jarman (who announced that he was gay later that year). We were expecting a lot of cute Italian guys (there are some), and hoping that they would be nude (no). 

We were also hoping that Caravaggio would be presented as gay, but resigned to the likelihood that he would be straightwashed: turned heterosexual, or mostly heterosexual (a few men as trivial dalliances as he pursued the Woman of His Dreams).  

He was straightwashed.

As a child and teenager, the artist (Dexter Fletcher, left), is the victim of sexual abuse by Catholic clergy.  This "turns him" gay, or rather pansexual. 

As an adult (Nigel Terry), he is a decadent figure like something out of a Pasolini film, consorting with men and women, although he prefers women.   He seduces both Raduccio (Sean Bean) and his girlfriend Lena.  But Raduccio is just a dalliance; the heterosexual romance is True Love.  Then Raduccio kills Lena, and a distraught Caravaggio kills him.  Gay lives must always end in tragedy.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Matt Crabtree: Shy, quiet, stuttering Southern boy grows up to "Modern Family," "Will and Grace," one-man shows, and dicks

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"Getaway": Nick Frost and his gay son vs. a creepy Swedish ritual and a transphobic stereotype. With Kit Conner and a stunt d*ck

Getaway or Get away, either "a holiday" or "someone is chasing you!" is a 2024 vanity project, written by, directed by, and starring Nick Frost, who has played the sidekick in several Simon Pegg movies.  But it also stars Sebastian Croft of Heartstopper: he plays the closeted boyfriend that Charlie (Joe Locke) has before he starts dating Nick (Kit Connor, below).  

Sebastian is "not into labels," but he supports queer causes: his line of Queer Past clothing supports LGBT refugees.  So maybe his character will be gay.

Scene 1:  Dad Richard (Nick), Mom Susan, teenage son Sam (Sebastian), and teenage daughter Jessie are heading on a holiday (vacation) through Sweden, with Finland as a stand-in.  Their destination is the island of Svalta, where in 1824 the islanders quarantined themselves for fear of a deadly flu pandemic. Two and a half years later, when British soldiers checked, most of the islanders had died of starvation, or turned to cannibalism. The soldiers were murdered.  Why are the British checking on an island in Sweden? 

They mention that it's near Kristianstad in northern Sweden.

Every ten years the islanders commemorate the event with an eight-hour long play, Karantan.  Really? Not every year?  Jews have yahrzeits to remember their dead loved one every year.  

Scene 2: Two Days Until Karantan.  They arrive at a horrible cafe at the port.  The surly owner snarls and mocks their weird menu requests, like cheese on a hamburger  (well, the Ugly Americans didn't even try to speak Swedish.  Wait, they're Brits).

Like every horror movie ever, he warns them not to go to the island. There are no hotels -- "no worries, we have a B&B" -- and the islanders hate outsiders, especially during Karantan.  

Then why is there a ferry several times a day?  And why do they have a tourism brochure?  Oh, wait, I know why.  I've seen "Midsommer" and "The Ritual"

Son and Daughter find a decapitated bird, but that's not a sign or anything.  Off they go. Whoops, Dad left his wallet on the bar.

Scene 3: The ferry lady has never heard of outsiders going to Svalta before, and warns that they'll be stuck for three days.  Dad goes to fetch his wallet.  Why did they bother with the "leaving it" bit?

Left: Nick's dick, actually a stunt cock. Not from this movie.

Cut to the ferry, with islanders glaring like they want to attack.   When they dock, a crowd of islanders is staring at them and growling.  Finally Commune Leader Klara asks what they are doing there.

"We've come to see your play."

"Billy Elliot is a play.  Grease: the Musical is a play.  Karantan is our life."  The isolated islanders get around.

She orders them to go back to the mainland: "You are not welcome here."  I'd be outta there, but Mom insists on staying. Otherwise be lousy story.

Mom tells them that one of her ancestors died here: he was one of the British soldiers murdered by the islanders during the quarantine.  So that's why they are so adamant about staying?  She wants revenge or something?

Scary lady licks her face to force her to leave, but at that moment Matts (Eero Milanoff) appears and tells the islanders that it's ok, he rented them his mother's house. They growl, but what can you do?  

Scene 4: At the house, Matts tells a long story about his mother walking across the ice to get married in 1974, and dying 10 years ago at the age of 91, beheaded in her favorite chair. So she was 50 when she married?

Then he creepily sneaks up on Teenage Daughter.  I can't tell if she likes him or not. 

Scene 5: While Mom and Dad cook dinner, and Teenage Son complains about the lack of cell phone service, Teenage Daughter takes a bath (five minute long closeup of her boobs).  She hears a shuffling noise, and investigates, but finds nothing.

More after the break

"And Just Like That": Carrie's return has elitism, bisexuals, dongs, musems, marital spats, s'mores, and shoes. Lots of shoes.

I never watched Sex and the City when it first aired on HBO (1998-2004), although I knew about Mr. Big (Chris Noth), for obvious reasons.  Who wants to watch four super-entitled New York-centric ladies having lunch? The only episode I watched featured Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) investigating bisexuals for her "Sex and the City" newspaper column.  

Her conclusion: they are all gay, and fooling themselves.  Bisexuals don't exist. 

So much for bi representation. 

Researching this review, I discovered that Carrie has a stereotypic gay best friend with the incredible name Stanford Blatch (why, was Bruce Van Swishington taken?).  

Having never watched the original, I've never been interested in the 2021-25 sequel, And Just Like That (presumably the title means that 20 years have passed "just like that"). But I've seen n*de guys parading around on occasion, and the plot synopses mention several LGBTQ characters.  We'll see if the portrayals are cringy.

I'll identify the five main ladies by their careers.  From left to right, Filmmaker Lisa, Art Dealer Charlotte, Columnist Carrie, Realtor Seema, Lawyer Miranda. 

Episode 3.5, "Under the Table," has three main plot threads.

The Charlotte/Lisa Plot:

Scene 1: The Guggenheim.  I love that museum.  Wait -- they didn't visit, they're just walking past. Art Dealer Charlotte's boyfriend Harry (Evan Handler) reveals that he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, but they found it early, so he has a 98% chance of full recovery. 

In other news, they're going glamping (glamor camping) with the kids at Governors Island this weekend.

Scene 2:  Nuclear family breakfast in a huge, super-elegant kitchen. Filmmaker Lisa won't be back from filming her documentary until late Friday, so she tells her husband, Herbert Wexley (wow, what unrealistic entitled name), to take their children to Governors Island for glamping with Charlotte and her boyfriend. 

Husband is played by Chris Jackson

Wait -- this is the first he's heard of it. "No, I've told you several times." "No you haven't."

 

"Sorry, I can't do it.  I have a photo shoot for my campaign."  He has to pretend to be a "regular guy," eat one of those...um...frankfurter sausage things...and ride on the...you know, the poor people train...the subway.  

"You can do the 'regular guy' shoot on Monday, " Filmmaker Lisa commands. "This weekend we're going glamping with the Goldblatts."

Scene 3: Art Dealer Charlotte is trying to cook, but she's too distracted.  Her friend Anthony (Mario Cantone, left) asks if she's ok. 

Her children, a girl and a nonbinary person, ask if they can skip glamping.  "No, you're going" It's important because her boyfriend has prostate cancer, but he doesn't want them knowing that.

Scene 4: Governors Island (no apostrophe), just south of Manhattan, with views of the skyline.   The nonbinary child notes that there's a spa and go-karts. 

Art Dealer Charlotte's boyfriend complains about the mosquitos. 

 Filmmaker Lisa bursts in, and her husband criticizes her for being late. "Well, four hours ago, I was in Atlanta."  Then they bicker because one of them told the other to buy chocolate to make s'mores.  This couple is on the outs.

Scene 5: A tent big enough for three beds and a living room set. The boyfriend and the kids are lounging around, playing on their cell phones, when Art Dealer Charlotte bursts in and complains that they should be doing outdoor activities. They refuse. My parents used to say that on family vacations.  "You shouldn't be lounging around the cabin reading comic books.  Go enjoy the outdoors."  

How does one "enjoy" the outdoors? It's a place you go through on the way to enjoying things.

Meanwhile, Filmmaker Lisa and her husband bicker. She takes a photo of him and their kids.  When he looks at it, he accidentally scrolls to the last one she took: a selfie with her editor Marion (Mehcad Brooks).

"Are you having an affair with Michael B. Handsome?  Talk about getting your chocolate in Atlanta!"

"No, it's just a work crush."

He continues to growl, so Lisa stomps off, and runs into Charlotte at the pier.  They complain about their partners, and decide to ditch them and take a spa day. 

Cut to the spa. Close up of ladies in bikinis.  They're really pushing the heterosexual male gaze. 

Carrie/Miranda and Seema after the break