Cyrus and TJ: Are the "Andi Mack" boyfriends gay in real life? What about Jonah? Or Bowie? With some bulges and d*cks

 

Andi Mack (2017-19) was the first Disney teencom with an identified gay character: Cyrus (Joshua Rush), originally dating Iris, comes out in Episode 3.11 (2019).  He befriends TJ Kippen (Luke Mullen), a sarcastic, mean-spirited basketball star, teaches him to be nicer, and admits him to the friend group.  Everyone assumes that TJ is straight, so they are just good buddies.

Then, in the last scene of the series finale, Episode 3.20 (2019),  they hold hands.  In close up, partially obscured by the slats of a bench. Can you even tell what they're doing?  It seems rather tepid, but caused widespread celebration in LGBTQ communities as a milestone, the first canonical gay couple in a Disney tv series.

Wait -- Kelvin and Keefe held hands in Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.7, and fans were saying "So what?  Straight guys can hold hands.  It doesn't mean that they're gay."

And if that's all it takes, Craig and Eric of Drake and Josh held hands in 2008.  

But we'll go with "the first," and conduct some research to see if either Cyrus or TJ is gay in real life.  (And look for other gay characters and nude photos, of course).

Joshua Rush (Cyrus) went on to voice the titular character in Where's Waldo (2019-21), based on the book series where you have to find the red-striped guy in a crowd, then got his degree from Penn State and moved into politics.  As of this writing, he is the Communications Director of the Texas House Democratic Campaign Committee. In my day you would never dream of limping your wrist like that.

He announced that he was bisexual on social media a few weeks after the hand-holding episode aired.

I found a potential bulge pic.  Notice that the watch tracks.

Luke Mullen: After Andi Mack, Luke played a straight guy in four episodes of the teencom Side Hustle, a fratboy playing volleyball on the beach in the Barbie movie, and other straight or not-identified characters.

Here he prepares to be splattered in an episode of the anthology series American Horror Stories.

More after the break

Marcel Ruiz: "One Day at a Time" boy grows up, plays gay guys, wears dresses, kisses girls. You figure him out. With Lucas butt and Jackson junk

When I was in high school, Tuesday night meant Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, and One Day at a Time (1975-84).   a "hip sitcom" with divorced mom Anne Romano (Bonnie Franklin) moving from small-town Logansport to Indianapolis to raise her kids: rebellious Julie, popular Barbara, and eventually the exceptionally femme Alex (Glenn Scarpelli).  Building handyman Schneider popped in all the time.

The theme song brings me back to those nights, sitting in the living room with my parents and brother and sister, doing my homework on a clipboard. No matter what problems I was facing outside, with screaming preachers and sadistic teachers and the constant refrain of "what girl do you like?", I was safe here.

This is it (this is it); this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball.
This is it (this is it): straight ahead, and rest assured, you can't be sure at all.
So while you're here, enjoy the view, keep on doin' what you do.
Hang on tight, we'll muddle through -- one day at a time.

In 2017, a re-imagining appeared on Netflix, only to be cancelled, moved to Pop and TVLand, and cancelled again in 2020.  It was a re-imagining because it had nothing to do with the original series except for the title, the theme song, and characters named Alex and Schneider.  Here they are a Hispanic family living in Echo Park, Los Angeles: army nurse Lupe; social activist Elena; and popular Alex (Marcel Ruiz).  Grandma Rita Moreno pops in frequently.

I watched an episode out of curiosity, but didn't like it.  Mostly ladies; no cute guys (Todd Grinnell as Schneider was not my type). And why did they keep the name Alex but remove his gay coding?  

Besides, watching on my laptop in my home office in 2017 was just not the same as watching in the living room surrounded by my family in 1977.

Then I saw Isabella Gomez and Marcel Ruiz (who played Elena and Alex) in a video for the It Gets Better project.  Isabella talks about how Elena struggles with coming out as a queer Latinx woman, and starts dating the nonbinary Syd.  "Normalizing lesbian and nonbinary identities on tv plays an important role in creating acceptance in real life."  Marcel adds that if your family doesn't accept you, there are others who do. You can find a chosen family.  "It gets better. Just keep going through life everyday."  Not "one day at a time"?

Isabella plays a queer character, but why is Marcel there?  Alex is straight.  You're looking quite femme in that outfit, buddy. Are you gay in real life, like the original? 

Time for a profile.

Marcel was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, in 2003.  His mother, Mariem Pérez Riera, is an Emmy-winning director known for her biography of Rita Morena (not coincidentally, grandma on One Day at a Time). His father, Carlitos Ruíz Ruíz, is a "photographer, storyteller, and filmmaker" known for Maldeamores (2007), about a love triangle.

For someone born into a family of film makers, Marcel doesn't have a lot of acting gigs listed on the IMDB.  His career starts with an episode of Snowfall (2017), a tv series about the cocaine panic in Los Angeles in the early 1980.  Damson Idris (left) stars as a drug dealer.  Marcel plays a young Sandanista operative spying on the CIA in Nicaragua. He gets killed.  

His first starring role was in Breakthrough (2019): When a boy with the crazily Anglo name John Smith (Marcel) drowns in a lake, his Mom prays that he will be brought back "from the brink of death."  Did he die or almost die?  

Josh Lucas (left) plays the boy's Dad, and Topher Grace of That 70s Show plays the megachurch pastor.  

Marcel apparently belongs to a megachurch in real life, too.

Sounds Christian, which means homophobic, but Topher Grace went on to star in Home Economics (2021-23), and Marcel, to One Day at a Time (2017-20).  Both of their characters have gay sisters.  Go figure.

 Marcel has only two post-Days roles:

A Bad Bunny music video, Baile inolvidable (Unforgettable dance, 2025).  A lot of male-female couples dance while their friends cheer them on.  

And the short Telaraña (2025) : The teenage Naomi faces the "disturbing truth" about her family, involving a giant spider (araña).  Marcel plays her brother Lolo.

Plus two upcoming projects.

Summer of Three (filming completed in 2026): After his father's death, Javi (Marcel) returns to Puerto Rico, where he becomes involved in a love triangle with Luife (Paolo Schone) and his girlfriend Kiki.  I can't tell from the plot description and photos if the two men are competing for the lady, or if it's a three-way romance. 

More after the break

John Karlen: Vampire's boyfriend, lesbian subtext husband, bi guy shows his stuff. Plus nude Sean Penn and Tim Matheson

 

During the hippie era, what kid didn't run home from school every day to catch the last ten or fifteen minutes of the Gothic soap Dark Shadows (1966-71)?   It wasn't enough time to comprehend most of the plotlines, but you could get a glimpse of the blatant romance between brooding vampire Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) and his boyfriend..um...hired hand, Willie Loomis (John Karlen).  Probably not deliberate in the late 1960s, but since Jonathan Frid and several other cast members were gay, and John Karlen arguably bi, it's a possibility.

I've already covered the romance in detail, but I thought it was high time for a profile of John Karlen.

John was born in Brooklyn in 1933, to Polish immigrant parents.  After high school he served in the Korean War, then attended the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, graduating in 1958.  

Between 1958 and 1965, John made his mark on Broadway with roles in Sweet Bird of Youth, Invitation to a March, Arturo Ui, The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here, All in Good Time, and Postmark Zero. Wow, Tennessee Williams, Bertolt Brecht...classy.

Plus episodes of those standalone dramas that they broadcast in the early days of television, before they figured out that ongoing situations would draw in more viewers: Kraft Theater, Armstrong Circle Theater, Camera Three.  

The boy was 34 years old, and on his way to a serious dramatic career.  Then, for a reason lost to history, he switched to soap operas.

John appeared in 74 episodes of the CBS soap  Love is a Many Splendored Thing  (1967-68) as "sneering playboy" Jock Porter.  He begins dating Chinese-American medical student Mia while she is "on a break" from her regular boyfriend (without telling him).  But she discovers that Jock paid for his previous girlfriend's illegal abortion, dumps him and returns to Hong Kong.

When he wasn't on the CBS call sheet, John walked three blocks over to ABC, to play con man Jason Maguire's "friend," Willie Loomis on Dark Shadows.  When Barnabas Collins was introduced, he was upgraded to vampire companion, and appeared on 179 episodes (1967-71). 

He also buddy-bonded with the vampire as Desmond Collins in 1840, and as the flamboyant "green carnation" Carl Collins in 1897. 

After Dark Shadows, John's vampire background got him a starring role in the "erotic horror" Daughters of Darkness (1971).  Stefan (John) falls in love with Valerie, and says that they have to elope because his "mother" will disapprove.  Surprise!  He's in a gay relationship with Fons Rademaker, who of course disapproves of being dumped for a girl.

The newlyweds check into a hotel in Belgium, where they meet the famous real-life vampire Elizabeth Báthory and her lesbian lover.  Seductions, three-ways, psychological games, and murder follow.  Only Valerie survives.

I don't recommend it because it's nonstop naked ladies, but there's a gay connection, and we get to see John's butt.

Several times. 

And his dick, but it's too small and blurry for a decent screen capture.  How about Malcolm McDowall instead?  A Clockwork Orange premiered in 1971, also.

More after the break

Jett Klyne: The future bisexual superhero spends his teen years bodybuilding and dating guys. With two twink dicks and an Ecuadorian bulge

 

In Wandavision (2021), the Scarlet Witch, memory-wiped and trapped in a sitcom world, has two sons, Billy and Tommy (Justin Hilliard, Jeff Klyne).  In Agatha All Along (2024), after being adopted by a Jewish family and losing and regaining his memory, Billy Maximoff becomes the gay Jewish superhero Wiccan.  So of course I had to do a profile of Justin.

But what about Tommy Maximoff (Jett Klyne)?  He grows up to become the superhero Speed, who is bisexual in the comics: he dated Kate Bishop in Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade (2010-12), and the male superhero Prodigy in Emperor Hulkling (2020).  He explains "I crushed on who I crushed on."   

Maybe I'd better do a profile of Jett, too.

Jett arguably has a more gay/femme affect.  Guess which is Tommy.

And he has spent his teen years working out.  

I'll answer the standard two questions: has Jett appeared in any movies or tv shows of gay interest?; and is he gay in real life?

Gay-Themed Movies/TV Shows:

 In 2014, when Jett was seven years old, he was in Writing Kim: Aspiring writer Annie (Jett's Mom) heads off on a road trip seeking inspiration, and meets Kim, who has a husband and son (Jett) but also likes ladies. Kim inspires her to embrace her sexual fluidity (you mean she's bi?)  In 2020, it was selected for qFlix, the Philadelphia LGBTQ film festival.  

According to his IMDB biography, Jett's break-out role was in Z (2019).  So a one-word title was too long?  Joshua (Jett) has an "imaginary" friend, Z, who gets more and more disruptive, sabotaging his relationship with his real life friend Daniel and trying to kill his father.  Finally we learn that Z is using Joshua to get to his mother. 

I haven't seen it, but the gay subtexts sort of jump out at you, don't they?

Left: Since Jett is 16 as of this writing, I won't be looking for nude photos, so here's a random twink.

He has a lot of pre-Wandavision guest appearances, mostly in movies that I never heard of: Devil in the Dark, Manny Dearest, The Humanity Bureau, Skyscraper.  Plus three significant post-Wanda movies:

The Boy in the Woods (2023). During World War II, as the Jewish population of Buczarc is being rounded up for the concentration camps, Max (Jett) is sent to live with Janko (Richard Armitage), a synpathetic non-Jewish farmer.  But Janko fears for his family's safety, so he kicks the boy out.  While hiding in the woods, Max forms a buddy-bond with the sensitive, artistic, gay-coded Yanek (David Kohlsmith, right); they discuss their future, living together as artists in Paris, and try to adopt the baby of a dead woman. 

Yanek dies, but the baby grows up, and Max re-unites with her in old age, so symbolically the two had a family.  A definite gay subtext or text.

More after the break

Tom Berklund: Bodybuilder and "Modern Family" cop stars in gay tragedies, poses nude, but what's with all the lady friends?

 

We've finished Modern Family, but I forgot to research a bodybuilder who appeared in Episode 10.5, "Good Grief" (2018): as the family gathers for Halloween, Jay gets the word that his ex-wife DeeDee (Shelly Long) has died.  Dressed in wacky costumes, the children and grandchildren try to process their grief in different ways. Phil and Cam drive into West Hollywood for a convoluted reason, and get stuck in the Halloween parade.  As they are honking, a cop tells them to give the horn a rest.  The parade will be over soon.  Then he swishes off in his very tight chaps.

Phil: "I don't get to this part of town often.  That's not a real cop, right?"

I was annoyed that Phil says "this part of town": West Hollywood is a separate city.  But I wanted to see more of the hot cop, Tom Berklund, and his tight chaps.

I checked his Instagram first: "Real estate developer, bodybuilder, spiritual growth."  That's not an occupation, buddy.

 Some nice muscle shots, but the mixed signals made it impossible to tell if he is gay or not. 

"Had a great time with Sarah and Teddy," a lady and a dog.  You're dating a lady, got it.

"Dinner and theater night out with my famous friend" Ryan Hadad, a queer disabled playwright.  Is it a date or a friend hang?

"Ali, Joey, and me."  Ali and Joey are a woman and a baby.  So is this your wife and son?  

"Post dinner sunset stroll with the one and only Tucker Breder," an actor whose Instagram is private, but he poses with a woman on Soundcloud.  Now you're dating a straight guy?

"Charlie got the lead in Once Upon a High School."  Posing with a woman and teenage boy.  But if this is your wife and son, who's Ali and the baby?   

Heck with it.  Let's look at his biceps and bulge, and see if he's been in any gay-themed movies.

Tom was born in Middleton, Wisconsin, 15 minutes from Madison, and got his BFA from the University of Michigan.  He then moved to New York, where he won the part of Gregory Gardner in the 2006 revival of A Chorus Line.  

In his monologue, Gregory talks about getting an erection in class, and realizing that he was gay.  Not a bad start.

Tom has 25 acting credits, but mostly parts like Dancer, Gym Attendant, Spin Instructor, and Sexy Santa (above, on Ray Donovan).  I found a few gay roles:

More after the break

Players: Romcom with a sports writer who ends up with who you expect, plus a bi guy who hooks up off-camera and some butts

 

Brock O'Hurn is starring in a new movie on Netflix, Players: a female sports writer named Mack has a foolproof plan for hooking up with guys, but then she falls in love with a hookup.  Do straight women really have trouble finding guys to have sex with?  Aren't they, like, hit on constantly?

Her best buddy is played by Damon Wayons, who I thought was homophobic due to the shockingly hateful In Living Color (Remember "Men on Film"?).  In 2019 he apologized for some homophobic tweets from 2011 to 2016: "I was unaware of the emotional impact they would have."  He is currently the executive producer of Glamorous, which stars a nonbinary or femme gay guy, so we'll check....

No wikipedia plot synopsis, no LGBTQ representation in the trailer. Grr -- I hate these Netflix one-word titles!  They make it impossible to research.  No way to tell if there are any minor "sassy work friend" gay characters, except by watching.

Scene 1: At a bar, Bran (Augustus Prew) and his crew discuss strategies for getting him into the pants of his target: pretend to be drunk and spill a drink on her?  Steal her scarf and pretend that you found it?   They decide on Fiji Fantasy: Bran and his "girlfriend," Mack, argue and break up in front of the target.  The girlfriend is careful to emphasize that it's not about the sex: he is incredibly fantastic at that; she just feels inferior because he's so rich and has been with so many attractive women. 

Their buds Adam and Little (Damon, Joel Courtney) watch in adoration: "This is a master class."  I think it's a little heavy-handed.  Unless she's a complete nitwit, the target will catch on that it's a hookup scam.

Scene 2:  She's a nitwit.  While Bran is off sexing her, the others walk home.  Adam wonders what will happen when the target finds out he's not rich.  "Are you new here?  After the sexing, he'll never see her again."  

Uh-oh, Bran calls: he "bucknerded" it by forgetting the name of his "girlfriend."  Why not use the same name every time? 

 But it doesn't matter, because hes's moving on to a new target; the guy by the white owl back at the bar.

A guy?  The buds approve  "Been awhile -- I like your style."  Mack suggests "Run Time Step."  Little, who happens to be Bran's baby brother, offers to help.

We don't see the play.Why do we see the girl target but not the guy target?  Afraid the audience will be offended by a gay hookup?  

Instead, we continue to focus on Adam and Mack.  They discuss their problems working for a newspaper, a "dying medium," Mack's new feature on memorable local sports, and "we're perfect for each other but don't want to admit it"."  The background song: "What cha waiting for?  Your prayers have already been answered!"  

Left: Joel Courtney's butt.

More romance after the break

"Happiest Season": Christmas romcom with lesbian couple, pansexual Patrick, Jake's junk, and Candy Cane Lane

Happiest Season, on Hulu, is advertised as "A Holiday romcom about being true to yourself and trying not to ruin Christmas."  The icon shows three heterosexual couples, an unattached woman, and what looks like a lesbian couple, but ten to one they're bickering sisters.  

But the husband on the left is Dan Levy, Patrick on Schitt's Creek, and the hunky Jake McDorman, top photo, is at the top of the cast list, so I'll give it a try.

Opening:  They're a lesbian couple!  The opening consists of watercolor-type pictures of two women, a blond and a brunette, meeting, falling in love, going to a family Christmas, celebrating Halloween and Thanksgiving, exchanging gifts, and moving in together.  They kiss twice, so it's unlikely that viewers will identify them as "just close friends."

Scene 1: A residential neighborhood decked out for Christmas, called Candy Cane Lane.  A tour guide gives its history: it was started by Herb Flack, with his nephew Otis playing Santa Claus "until he was arrested for child endangerment."  A pedophilia joke?   The ladies are taking the tour. 

The rich brunette is named Abby, and the poor blonde is Harper.  Somebody goofed --  Harper absolutely has to be the rich one.  It's impossible to keep their names straight, so I'll call them Rich Brunette and Blondie. 

Uh-oh, Blondie doesn't like Christmas, a major crime in these movies, and in real life during the month of December. Rush her to a re-education center, stat!  Brunette argues that it's impossible to not love Christmas -- I've heard that argument a lot -- but Blondie stands firm.

Next Brunette drags Blondie to a house that's not on the tour and up to the roof, so they can look down on the lights.  "Now you love it, right?"  Sure, trespassing makes any holiday more festive.

They complain about being separated for the holidays, kiss and...uh-oh, the homeowner hears them.  They slide off the roof, destroying an inflatable snowman, and run away.  The homeowner is a Santa Claus dominatrix and her reindeer-costume sub, har har.

Brunette has an idea: why not come to her parents' house for the holidays?  Wait -- the water-color intro already showed them with the parents at Christmas.  Blondie agrees.  They kiss for like five minutes. 

What happened to Herb Flack and Otis?  You can't name characters and then have them not appear.  We don't even see Candy Cane Lane again.

Scene 2:  The ladies' elegant brick house in downtown Pittsburgh.  Blondie works as a pet sitter?  Girlfriend must be an heiress. An old-fashioned phonograph playing a new song, "Jingle Bells" by Bayli, as Blondie says "We need to talk."  Uh-oh.  

It's nothing bad.  She just wanted to say that she got a substitute pet-sitter, John, so she can go.  Um...the first rule of fiction, even in frothy gay-positive fiction: there has to be conflict.

Cut to a coffee shop, where Blondie is giving John (Dan Levy) pet-sitting instructions.  Wait -- in the intro, he's celebrating Christmas  with the ladies and the parents.  I thought he was the Brunette's brother-in-law, married to the scary-looking sister.   

John is distracted because he left last night's hookup alone in the apartment, so he has to keep tracking him to make sure he leaves.  

Takeaway: he tracks all of his friends.  This will become important later.

In other news, Blondie is planning to ask Brunette to marry her.  John is against it: they're a perfect couple right now, so why spoil things with an archaic assimilationist ritual, trapping her girlfriend in "the iron box of heteronormativity"?

Also: she wants to ask Brunette's dad for his blessing first. You've been reading too many Jane Austen novels, girlfriend.

Scene 3:  Establishing shots of their trek out of the city into the deep, dark wilderness.  You know Pittsburgh is just an hour's drive from West Virginia, right?

Big reveal: When Brunette said that she was out to her parents, she was lying.  They think she is straight, and Blondie is her "roommate."  So, you're about 30, you haven't mentioned a guy in 15 years, and you're  living with a woman. Girl, they know.

And they can't come out now, because Dad is running for mayor, and he's trying to impress this important, homophobic doner.  Sounds like the plot of La Cage aux Folles.

Besides, he has made it very clear over the years that he will only love his children if they are perfect, and being gay is by definition imperfect, so she has a fake boyfriend played by Jake McDorman (butt left).

When they arrive, it turns out that there are three sisters and a scheming ex-girlfriend, all with long black hair, so I can't tell them apart.  But apparently they all have imperfections that they're keeping secret so Dad won't stop loving them:

Eldest sister and her husband are separated and divorcing, but pretending to be together.  The husband is played by Burl Mosely, seen here on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where he sings "Don't Be a Lawyer."

Brunette is an imperfect lesbian.

Youngest daughter is writing a Harry Potter-like young adult fantasy novel in secret. 

 Pop Quiz: What happens next?

1. T/F: Brunette dumps Blondie for her ex-boyfriend.

2. T/F: John agrees with Brunette's decision to stay in the closet.

3. T/F: John gets a romantic partner

4. T/F: There are several other LGBT characters.

5.T/F: When Brunette comes out, her parents are fine with it.

Answers and Jake's dick after the break.  Caution: explicit.

Gemstones Episode 2.1: Junior likes dicks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f**k, yeah! We got both.

Previous: Gemstones Season 1 finale: Judy and Kelvin begin to heal, and Scotty joins the family

Righteous Gemstones Season 2 is my favorite.  Season 1 muddled the Gideon-Scotty plotline, Season 3 had some infuriating queerbaiting, and Season 4 was rushed and muddled, but Season 2 did the Kelvin/Keefe and Junior/Eli romances exactly right.   

Title: "I Speak in the Tongues of Men and Angels."  I Corinthians 13.1: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." Charity means "love," of course.  We'll see who is lacking.

Memphis Soul Stew: Memphis, 1968. Teenage Eli Gemstone, the Maniac K*d (Jake Kelley), is playing a heel, a pro wrestling villain: "from the wrong side of the tracks, a newcomer to the League, all muscle, all attitude."  He fights dirty, pretending to reconcile with opponent Kyle Hawk, then throwing him out of the ring.  

As he fights, his manager Glendon Marsh (Wayne Duvall) cheers. Glendon's teenage son Junior (Tommy Nelson) watches, sometimes happy but usually disturbed.  Is he jealous of the attention Eli is getting?  Is he a rebellious teenager during the era of the Generation Gap?.

Nice Cock:  In the locker room, Glendon offers Eli "some bonus pay on the South Side," while Junior looks on, smoking a cigarette, still either jealous or angry. As they leave, they pass a naked guy. "That's a nice cock, Ernie," Glendon says.  Junior is so busy looking that he trips, and then looks back again.  The teenager is definitely into cocks and butts.

The Loan Enforcer: Glendon is a loan shark as well as a wrestling manager: the job involves beating up a deadbeat.  Eli and Junior both go, squabbling over who's the boss.  

"Kill 'em!" we hear.  Psych!  It's the tv.  We meet a slovenly, drunken, foul-mouthed, abusive jackass of a husband.  While Junor subdues his wife and son, Eli punches him a few times and asks for the money, and when he doesn't have it, breaks his thumbs. Junior laughs "derangedly" (according to the subtitles).

Afterwards Glendon drops Eli off, hands him some money, and tells him, "Buy yourself something nice." This is a feminizing statement. 

As Eli drives off on his motorcycle, we hear Buck Owens' "Tall Dark Stranger":

 They say a tall dark stranger is a demon, and  that a devil rides closely by his side.

 So if Junior is the demon, Eli must be the devil riding beside him.  How long will they ride together?

Abusive Daddies all the way down:  Eli drives to the Gemstone residence (it's not a stage name, apparently), where his abusive dad chastises him for being late for dinner. So they're eating after Eli's wrestling match?  Like at 11 or 12 pm?   There's also a mousy, skittish mom and a little sister, May-May (important in Season 3). 

Ordered to say grace, Eli jokes: "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat," which makes May-May laugh.  Dad slaps him.  End of flashback.

We're fine with the f*ggots:  In 2022, elderly Eli Gemstone is a megachurch pastor and televangelist.  He and the satellite church ministers are discussing the case of Pastor Butterfield (Victor Williams), caught videotaping his wife and another woman having sex in a dance club restroom, while they were all high on Molly ("we thought they were Sweetarts").  The story made the front page of The New York Times, thanks to reporter Thaniel Block (Jason Schwartzman), who has made a career of publicizing ministerial sex scandals.  Eli wants to be lenient, but the others object.  (Left: random pecs)

A Spanish speaking pastor explains: "My church is ok with the maricones (roughly f*ggots), but we're not ready for swinging and tropus."     Pastor Diane translates: "His church is really cool with the gays and the queers, but not so much about the swingers and the thruples."  They fire Pastor Butterfield; he tries to commit suicide.  

Left: God Squad pecs

Tell the girls:  A young man rides a motorcycle to the Gemstone Compound, doing crazy stunts (this will be important later), while the background song advises:

Tell the girls that I am back in town.  They'd better beware

They may run, and they may hide.

I'll follow, and I'll be there.

A stalker?  At least we know that he's not the closeted gay minister.  He turns out to be Eli's grandson Gideon, back from a job as a stuntman to assist with the Gemstone ministry.  He's going to move into the house that Eli built for his abusive dad.

In other news, Gideon's younger brother Abraham has been masturbating, and leaving "semen loads" all over the house, like in the freezer next to the Dreamsicles.  

Left: Selfie. Not Gideon or Abraham

We cut to a church service with Eli Gemstone, Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin, announcing the start of their streaming service, GODD.  We see Jesse's wife Amber, their sons, and Judy's husband BJ in the audience.  No partner for Kelvin. He must be single

F*ck, yeah:  After the service, the family drives in a caravan to Jason's Steak House.  They get out of their cars in slow motion and walk past the al fresco area, heterosexual couples reveling in their nuclear family conformity, the "job, house, wife, progeny" litany of my youth made visible. The background song brags about their heteronormative success:

Turn your head when I walk by -- I got the world at my feet.
All I want out of every day, is to wake up every morning
Sun is shining, smiling, and we've covered every room 

 Wait -- where's Kelvin?

Suddenly the record scratches off. Two vans pull up with a flexing muscle Christ and the logo "Strength above All Else." Twelve muscle men emerge, wearing identical canvas gis: the God Squad! Biceps and pecs, abs, bulging flexing intruding on the smug primness of the nuclear families. Wait -- where are the bulges.  They wear cargo pants that don't show anything.

There is no romance here.  There is no heterosexual desire.  It is raw homoerotic power. The song changes to:

Fuck, yeah!  Fuck, yeah!  Fuck, yeah!

More after the break

Ayden Mekus: Croatian tease, star of quirky shorts and "what happens next will shock you" videos, into Jesus, dudes, girls, and tongues.

 

When Ayden Mekus popped up on the teen idol website, I wanted to do a profile because of his unusual name -- is he Croatian?   

And because a lot of the photos on the site show him with his girlfriend sticking her tongue out.  Either he's way into tongues or he likes to have her insult his fans: "I'm so much better than you, because I have him and you losers don't!" 

I guess the younger generation finds that attractive.  Ayden has over a million followers on TikTok and Instagram, and 14,000 on X.   

There are also a lot of photos of Ayden getting romantic with this blond dude, and earlier with a black guy.   It's a clean break, suggesting a change of boyfriends, not making a new friend.

Neither is shown sticking his tongue out, but maybe that's just a girlfriend thing.

Wait -- Ayden is not Croatian.  He was born in Northern California (straight code for San Francisco) and grew up on Coronado Island, where his father is the co-founder of Positive Choice Apparel (the clothes all have slogans like "Spread kindness.").  

Mekus is the Anglicized version of the Southern Slavic Mikuš, "Nicholas."  So maybe his ancestors came from Croatia (see my photo collection of Serbian studs and Croatian cocks).

Ayden got his start as a child model, dancer, youtube celebrity, and aficionado of tongues sticking out, but  his two older sisters are actors, so it was inevitable that he would start auditioning.  

His on-screen acting began in 2017 with a video game, and in 2018 with a lot of music videos and quirky shorts: 

Chocolate Chip Cookies: A  boy puts laxatives in them to prank his cranky neighbor.

To Smell the Roses: A boy steals his father's cell phone so he will "stop and smell the roses."

Utensils: Everyone at the dinner table is eating soup with a fork.

The Lilac Thief: No plot synopsis available, the film itself is stuck behind a paywall, but the cast list includes SWAT team members and "warrior youth."  So time travel?

Then came a lot of reality shows with internet celebrities: 14 episodes with Piper Rokelle, 16 with Friendzy Friday, 41 with ClaireRockSmith, 2 with Sawyer Sharbino, plus his own Ayden Mekus.

And some fictional series:

13 episodes of P.S. Positive Stories, about people making "positive change." 

One episodes of Sister Rules, about sisters who "finally decide to put family first."

73 of Dhar Mann's "uplifting" clickbait videos: 

 "Dad rejects stepson, then learns shocking truth," 

"This poor kid can't buy school lunch, the end will shock you,"

 "Kid gets humiliated playing ball, what happens next will shock you," 

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.