Announcer: And now another episode of BJ's Angels.
Intro (BJ narrates off-camera): Once there were three little muscle boys who went to work on another show called The Righteous Gemstones, two in Kelvin Gemstone's God Squad, and the other as Eli Gemstone's driver. (Sarcastic) And they were each assigned very sexy duties. (Shots of Liam falling from a human pyramid, Titus being lowered into a tiger cage, and Gideon driving in a car chase).
But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is BJ.
Montage: Joel Rush as Titus (winning a bodybuilding contest)
Peter Kaasa as Liam (in his underwear, pulling a gun from his crotch)
Skyler Gisondon as Gideon (in a suit, clicking wine glasses with an unidentified person)
Tony Cavalero as Mr. Keefe (trying to answer six telephones at once).
Guest star Adam DeVine as Kelvin (giving Keefe a bag lunch as he rushes out the door, like a 1960s sitcom housewife).
And special guest star Tim Baltz as BJ (a mysterious hand on a computer keyboard)
Scene 1: The Angels in their dressing room. Gideon, fully clothed, is tying his tie, but Titus and Liam are still in their underwear.
Titus: Hey, this t-shirt is just extra-extra-large. Liam, I think you got mine by mistake.
Liam: (Checks.) Oh, right, this one is extra-extra-extra large. Sorry, Titus, I'll take it off. Of course, the only way I can do that is by taking off my jockey, too (Rips off his t-shirt, then lowers his jockey, displaying his bare butt.) That's one, by the way.
Gideon: (Glancing over) One what?
Liam: We're contractually obligated to display our butts twice per episode.
Scene 2: Keefe enters, wearing a suit, carrying a laptop.
Liam and Titus: Good morning, Mr. Keefe.
Gideon: Good morning, Uncle Keefe.
Keefe (to Gideon): Hey, don't tell anyone that we're related, or else the fans won't ship us, and we won't get a lot of play on fan boards. Those fan boards can make or break our characters! So just pretend that you're my very good friend. What couple name do you like, Gideefe or Keefeon?
Gideon: That's gross! No way I'm going to queerbait with my Uncle Kelvin's boyfriend!
(Everyone gasps).
Keefe: You can't say the b- word on television! The proper term is 'my Uncle Kelvin's...um..."
Titus: I'll queerbait with you, Mr. Keefe.
Keefe: You definitely will, in Episode 12, when we go undercover as the son of a famous televangelist and his boy toy. I'm the boy toy. Anyway, I have BJ on Zoom.
Scene 3: He opens the Zoom screen. A tropical setting. BJ lies on his stomach on a lounge chair. His face is not visible.
BJ: Good morning, Angels. Your assignment this week is to go undercover at a Speedo contest, to see who is...um, trying to sabotage...well, whatever, it's a Speedo contest.
Gideon: Didn't we go undercover at an underwear contest two weeks ago?
BJ: Do you know how hard it is to come up with scenarios that get you guys out of your clothes for extended periods? Lifeguard, surfing instructor, stripper, underwear tester, and that's about it.
Titus: What will you be doing while we're risking our lives and our virginity?
BJ: Oh, I'll be very busy...gathering intel....(two musclemen walk past)....taking measurements (a muscleman brings him a drink)...interrogating suspects under the covers...um, I mean undercover. (He ends the Zoom meeting.)
Liam: Wait, I thought BJ was straight. He's married to Judy.
Keefe: Of course he's straight. He was just talking about detective work. Everyone on this show is straight except me and my...um... But there's no word in the English language to describe our sexual identity.
Liam: Oh, please, you and Kelvin are..."
Keefe (cutting him off): NO WORD in the English language.
More words after the break
