"Rivals": Sleaze among the elites in 1980s Thatcher Britain, with a downlow gay couple and a lot of bums

 

Hulu is pushing the tv series Rivals, following the Netflix model of one-word titles that are impossible to research.  But from the shots in the promo, it looks like one of those gawdy costume dramas set during the "long weekend," Britain between the wars, the era of Christopher Isherwood, Virginia Woolf, Evelyn Waugh, upper-class people in huge country estates tut-tutting over fox-hunting and cricket and glancing discretely at the gay relations.

Scene 1: The first scene is a guy's butt!  He's in an airplane bathroom, joining the Mile High Club with a woman wearing red high-heel shoes.  Hey, this isn't the 1930s. The old-fashioned look of the promo is a misdirection, maybe a costume party. 

The lady leaves, followed by Member of Parliament Rupert Campbell-Black, Alex Hassel, who gets kow-towed to.  As he struts down the cabin, every woman he passes has an orgasm due to his hotness. 

TV Mogul Tony Baddington, dressed all in black, with a huge, gross emerald ring, insults MP Rupert for having sex with women.  Rupert counters that Tony makes bad tv shows.  That will all change now that he's hired hot shit producer Cameron Cook.   

Scene 2: The Declan O'Hara Show. The Deputy Prime Minister is criticizing "Drug use, divorce, rampant homosexuality.," especially the  "loveless rutting" of gay people. This must be the Reagan-Thatcher- Jerry Falwell "AIDS is God's punishment on evildoers" era.   

Declan, Aidan Turner, becomes angry and turns the tables by pointing out that the Deputy Prime Minister has a mistress. 

The Producer won't air ithe show with the mistress reference. Declan throws his papers in the air and storms off.  At least he's not cool with the homophobia.

Surprise: TV Mogul Baddingham is in his dressing room.  Why not come over to the dark side, commercial tv?  We offer a live broadcast with complete editorial control.   You can "skewer the bastards on the air" without being shut down.  "I'll give you a vast mansion in the Cotswolds as a sign-up bonus."

"I'll have to ask Maud."  I thought he was gay. Badminton called him "auntie." 

Scene 3: A vast estate where MP Rupert is riding his horse, and a middle-aged, shabbily dressed woman says "Daddy's home" as TV Mogul BadandBreakfast lands in his helicopter.  His wife?  Why is she dressed like the maid?  He has two daughters, whose heads he kisses 38 times. Disgusting! 

Meanwhile, Journalist Duncan is driving with his wife and two daughters -- are there no more Y chromosomes in England? -- toward his own mansion, every now and then glancing back to tell one or more of them how much he loves them. Two moving vans arrive.  "Prettiest prison I ever saw," Wife comments.

Scene 4: Declan is soaking in a tub when the next-estate neighbor, a woman who writes trashy novels, drops by to say hello.  Where are the men?  

She likes living near MP Rupert, because he screws like ten women a day, giving her lots of ideas for her novels.  She's the only woman in the Cotswolds that said "no."  She's not gay, just monogamous, with a husband and kids. Let me guess -- both girls?  

Next the Daughters argue over which will be the first to be screwed by MP Rupert.

Scene 5:  Journalist Declan drives through the very picturesque village, listening to "You Can Call Me Al" so we know what year this is.  At the tv studio, he hands his briefcase to a young black woman and asks,  "Where is this Cameron guy that I'm supposed to report to?"  Big reveal: she's it, his boss, the hotshot producer.  

"You were expecting a man, possibly queer, which you would have endured. But certainly not a woman, and God forbid a black one!"  Har-har.  Wait -- she's using queer in the old-fashioned sense, as a slur.  A homophobic young black woman.

Scene 6: The two burst into TV Mogul BadGuy's office to complain that they hate each other. Also Declan is a serious journalist -- he's signed on interviews with  "that film star that did the sex tape" and Jackie Onassis -- and they have him doing a  "Mimosas in the Morning" chat show.    

He is introduced to Director of Programmes Charlie, a "we met at the Beebs, darling" limp-wristed femme.

Charlie is played by Gary Lamont, who spent 8 years as hairdresser Robbie Frasier on the Scottish soap River City.  He had a "troubled relationship" with boyfriend Will.

Scene 7:  The Trashy Novelist and one of the Daughters, I can't tell which, walk through the bucolic countryside past an old-style police box -- in the middle of nowhere.  Maybe Doctor Who will pop up, and this will turn into science fiction?

The Novelist asks what the Daughter wants to be.  She doesn't know. "It's 1986 -- you can be whatever you want!"  In the Reagan-Thatcher Dark Ages?  

Uh-oh, MP Rupert's fields are on fire!  Daughter rushes to the police box, calls the fire department, then runs to the house and around to the back, where Rupert is playing a game of naked tennis with a lady.  It's ok, he's just burning off the stubble after the harvest. They argue/flirt; she calls him "abhorrent."  Girlfriend, the usual term for hot is "arrogant."

Scene 8: Gay Charlie having dinner with Declan. The waiter, Basil, played by Luke Pasquilano, suggests an expensive wine, then goes off to get groped by three women. Charles dishes: he's is TV Mogul BadWolf's half-brother. Mom had a fling with an Argentinian polo player.  But he was Dad's favorite, so the Mogul hates him.

Then Archie shows up to take their order. Dish: he's Tony's son!

More dish after the break

Steve Bond: Tarzan costar turned Playgirl model turned soap hunk, all in the steamy 1970s.

 The October 1975 issue of Playgirl featured several nude photos of model/actor Steve Bond.  They quickly became the most famous male nude photos in the world (not counting those of Christopher George)

Not because he was a man-mountain -- no bodybuilder, he had the tight, pleasantly muscled physique of a New Sensitive Man.

Not because of his size beneath the equator, though he was huge.

Because of the contrast.

The last time anyone had seen Steve Bond, the 14-year old Israeli actor, born Schlomo Goldberg, was making his screen debut: he played Erik in a Tarzan movie (1968) with Mike Henry.

Seven years makes a big difference.

After one or two more guest roles, Steve went back home to Israel, finished high school, and completed his mandatory military service.  Now he was in L.A. again, ready to hit the big time.  The nude photos came at a moment of desperation, when he was flat broke

Unfortunately, posing in your birthday suit was still controversial in 1975, and Steve found it difficult getting the attention of casting directors. During the next decade, he played some street toughs, some sexploitation studs, a Chippendales dancer, and a forest ranger investigating some teen murders (in The Prey, 1984). 

He showed his butt a lot, but only when he was sexing naked ladies.

Finally, hoping that the nude pictures were long forgotten, he landed one of the defining roles of his career, redneck Jimmy Lee Holt on General Hospital (1983-87).

No such luck.  In 1985, an eagle-eyed editor at Playgirl discovered the old photos, and reprinted them.  Steve was devastated.  What would happen when the General Hospital producers found out?  Would he be fired? 

Answer after the break