"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme kid who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice boy -- maybe too nice for his asshole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  BJ?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

Jesse had already caught Pontius going down on Stacy -- in the hospital, of all places!  He didn't need a repeat. "Don't be a smartass.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get you rway" Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, so you can stick your dick through and anybody who wants can suck it?  And guys hanging in leather stirrups, so anybody who wants can screw them?”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the underaged homosexual sodomy going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

The question was “What tv show does your partner watch, but feel guilty about?”  One of the girls guessed “Euphoria!”  The other:  “Wrong – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” 

Gideon’s turn: “Cobra Kai.”  Clay: “Cobra Kai!  You're right!”  They got the point.  They kissed.

Vance laughed.  "Why so surprised, Jesse?  Didn't you know that your son was a homo...gay?"

A few years ago, when Gideon was with Scotty, Jesse figured that they were a couple, and went out of his way to be accepting.  He announced "I love my gay son."  But Gideon said he wasn't gay...right?  Did he change his mind?

"Excuse me a moment."  Jesse put his tray down on a table, walked over to the couch, and tapped Gideon's shoulder. 

He looked surprised, and...afraid?  Why would he be afraid.  "Um...hi, Dad.  What are you doing here?"

"Just dropping off some snacks. But I had to come over and say hello to my favorite son and his boyfriend. Looking good, Clay!  How's the Latin coming?"

He looked scared, too.  "I'm just trying to decide on my senior thesis.  Should I do Apuleius, or Virgil's Eclogues..."

"That's great! Well, I'm off."

He returned to Vance. "Leave it to Gideon to pick the world's biggest nerd.  Clay must have a huge dick."

"Hey, keep it clean, Buddy Boy.  Size don't matter."

"Well, you should know."

Next came the formal dining room, where Pontius and Stacy and some other guys and girls were starting a Dungeons & Dragons game.  Jesse shifted his tray to one hand and waved.

Vance nudged him: "Looks like Pontius picked the world's second biggest nerd."

"It doesn't matter.  I love my sons.  I don't care if they're gay."

"You say that, but how come you raised two homos...gay boys, and they was both afraid to tell you?  At least your brother Kelvin told you when he was a kid, right?"

"Um...no, not really..."

"Well, when did he tell you, Jesse?"

"Two...um...two years ago."

Vance laughed.  "You got to be ribbing me.  Sounds like you're not as gol-danged supportive as you think you are."

The dining room led directly to the kitchen, but Vance wandered off to the media room, with some guys playing video games.  Jesse followed him through the arcade to the Game Room, where some younger kids were sitting at card tables to play games like Clue, Sorry, and checkers.  One table had a chess set, but no one was playing.

Suddenly Keefe was standing directly in front of them.  "The kitchen is that way," he said, pointing.  "Did y'all get lost?" 

"Are you trying to hide something, Snoop Dog?" Vance asked.  

Jesse peered around him to see Abraham on the couch by the tv, playing Apples to Apples,  where you have to choose the noun that best fits an adjective. Was his youngest son an ally, or...his heart sank.  

"I'm supportive," he told himself.  "I'm more than supportive.  Gay or straight, what's the difference, as long as he's happy?"

"Another gay kid afraid to tell you?" Vance asked.

"Not at all," Jesse lied. "I've known about Abraham since he was ten years old."  He handed the tray to Keefe, walked over, and squeezed in next to Abraham on the couch.

"Hi, Buddy."

He looked terrified.  "Dad...It's not what you think....."  Jesse shussed him and pointed to the adjective, peaceful. "What do you got?"

 Trembling, Abraham showed his hand.  He pointed to sunset,  but Jesse shook his head.  How about lake?  Jesse nodded, so he played it and won!

"You're a pro, Buddy!"  Jesse was about to get up, but Abraham threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly, and...was he crying?  

"Thanks, Dad."

"It's just an Apples game, Son, not the Queer Youth of the Year Award.  It's no big deal."

The crying turned to laughter.  The boy sitting next to him  -- Ash from Pontius' skateboarding group -- reached over to rub his back, and Abraham shifted to hug him.  

"Don't stay out too late, now," Jesse told him.  "And keep your hands -- and mouth -- above my boy's waist."

"Yes, sir."

"Three for three, huh?" Vance said when he returned.  "Come on, Snoop Dog, let's get these to the kitchen before Jesse finds out that he's got another gay kid."

There were snack stations in every room, but the kitchen was full -- every counter and the center aisle covered with plates of brownies, trays of mini-quiches, bowls of hummus, chips and veggies of every size and shape -- and Cousin Karl, mixing whipped cream.

"The Lemon Bar Kids have arrived," Jesse announced.

"Cool -- put those on the microwave, ok?  I'll dish them up for the snack stations."

 "Now, I know you're not a youth, Big Fella," Vance said.

"I'm a chaperone.  And the cook.  Since me and my boyfriend broke up, I get kind of lonely, and helping the young'uns helps."

"Wait -- youre a homo--gay?  I thought you guys were all, you know, like women.  All fluffy and strawberry-scented."

He laughed.  "I don't smell like strawberries, Mister..."

Jesse stepped in.  "Vance, this is my Cousin Karl.  He works as our landscaper.  Karl, this is my...um...friend..."

"Reverend Vance William Cable Simkins," Vance said, reaching out to shake Karl's hand.

"Oh, right.  Kelvin talked about you.  Didn't you lose out on the Christian Man Contest because you were mean to him?"

"I'm nice -- I'm very nice.  I was just having a bad day.  So, how much can you bench press?"

"My record is 520 pounds. That got me the Strongest Man of the South Award in 2017."

"520 pounds!  You shoulda run for Top Christ-Following Man.  Can I feel?"

"Sure."  He flexed his bicep.  Vance squeezed it and exclaimed "Whoo-wee. "  

Karl grinned at him.  "Wanna see me do push-ups?  My record is 189."

What the heck was going on?  "Hey, don't get comfy.  We just came over to drop off the lemon bars for the kids.  They're dropped off, so we're leaving." 

"I'm trying to be a nice guy and have a pleasant conversation, Buddy Boy.  Isn't that what you wanted me to do?  Now, Karl, which of these games if your favorite?"

"I guess Clue, but I haven't tried most of them.  I'm busy in the kitchen most of the night."

"You can take off a few minutes for a round of chess, can't you?"

"I don't know how to play chess, Mister..."

"Call me Vance, and I'm an expert teacher."

"Um...Vance?" Jesse grabbed his shoulder.  "We're leaving?  Your car is parked at my house, remember?"

"I'm sure that Pontius will give me a ride back.  Or Karl here."

"Sure, if you don't mind a pickup truck." 

"I wouldn't drive anything else.  Come on, I saw an unoccupied chess set in the Game Room." He held out his hand.  Karl took it, and they walked out into the formal dining room.

"Thanks for the invite, Buddy Boy," he called back.

What the heck?  Did Vance just pick up Cousin Karl?

Jesse walked slowly back through the house, waving at Pontius and Stacy again as he passed, and stopping to give Gideon another hug.  He got into his golf cart and drove through the night, trying to avoid imagining Cousin Karl plowing into Vance's saggy ass.  

He tried imagining Thanksgiving dinner instead, a joyful family scene, with all of his sons and their boyfriends.  Gideon and Clay, Pontius and Stacy, Abraham and Ash...but Cousin Karl squeezed into the picture, holding hands with.....ugh..Vance Simkins.

 "It doesn't matter.  I love my gay sons.  And I suppose I can learn to tolerate Cousin Karl's...ugh... boyfriend."

See also:  A Perfect Southern Gentleman: A Karl and Percy Romance

Robert's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Beefy boyfriends, helicopter penis, and strongman sex.

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy.  With Stacy and Pontius doing it.

"Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy