Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 4: Shreds before beds, a big guy from Big Sky, a boyfriend's snake, and Nick's dick

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Tony Cavalero, best known as Dewey on The School of Rock,  Ozzie Ozbourne in Dirt, and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones, with a few of his friends

1. "I'm ready for church."

2. Tony plays golf in Montana, Big Sky Country, or as he calls it, Big Guy Country.  

So, Tony, how big were these guys? 

3. This one will do for a warm-up.

4. Holy vascularity, Batman!

5. Don't be shy, Tony.  You can stand closer than that to hold hands.

6. When your boyfriend meets your bestie, and each wonders if you are into three-ways.

More after the break

A date with Kris (who may not be Jeremy Renner's boyfriend) leads to Christopher Atkins' dick

When I was living in West Hollywood in the mid-1990s, my friend Infinite Chazz began dating Kris, a 19-year old baby-faced ginger boy who had been in Los Angeles less than a year, but had already been in some movies and tv shows.

I'm not implying that he was Kristoffer Winters, who would go on to play Zilbor in Dude, Where's My Car (2000) and Clayton Gallagher in Shameless (2011-2012), and who is reputedly the boyfriend of  Jeremy Renner.

This Kris, whoever he was, soon broke up with Infinite Chazz, but we all stayed friends, as one does in gay communities. 

Kris had just landed his first starring role, in what turned out to be a very bad Smokey and the Bandits rip-off called Smoke n Lightnin, about two auto mechanics named, naturally, Smoke and Lightnin (no g), who get involved in a caper involving car chases and girls.

"It's not exactly King Lear," he admitted, "But it could lead to bigger things.  And you'll never guess who my costar is -- Christopher Atkins!  I had such a crush on him when I was a kid!"

We all had a crush on Christopher Atkins when he played a boy growing up on a desert island in The Blue Lagoon (1980) -- a thoroughly heterosexist movie famous for several nude frontal shots of the tanned young actor.

More movies with frontal nudity followed, notably A Night in Heaven (1983), about a male stripper, plus a story arc on Dallas (1983-84).

Christopher's star had waned a bit -- now he appeared mostly in sleazy, low-budget productions like Mortuary Academy and Bandit Goes Country. -- and Smoke and Lightnin.  But what actor wouldn't jump at the chance to work with such an iconic star?

And maybe get a glimpse of the most famous penis of the decade.

It was a low budget movie -- three weeks of shooting at a real auto repair shop in the San Fernando Valley and a house in Mission Viejo, and then off to Florida for two weeks of shooting the Miami locations and car-chase stunts.

One day Kris invited me out to lunch, and to meet Christopher.  I was sort of disappointed -- I didn't expect the lithe, tanned teenager of Blue Lagoon, but the cragginess, long hair, and moustache was a bit too redneck.  If I saw Christopher walking toward me on a dark street, I'd be worried about a gay-bashing.

But he turned out to be very friendly, very gay-positive.  He knew about Infinite Chazz -- even about the nickname "Infinite" -- and asked about the date of Christopher Street West, our Pride Festival, as if he intended to come.

More after the break

Leif Garrett: Nude photos of the teen idol who out-swished Liberace in the glam 1970s.

Every gay boy in the late 1970s knew teen idol Leif Garrett, whose two albums, Leif Garrett and Feel the Need, were getting gushing reviews in the teen magazines: the greatest singer who ever lived!  And the cutest boy in the universe!

Or not.  He was way too swishy, even in that era of androgyny, to be an object of homoerotic desire.  But they followed him anyway, because he was the first gay person they had ever seen on stage.  Maybe they weren't doomed to sad, lonely lives in the closet after all.

Of course, he wasn't openly gay. The teen magazines tried to push his macho interests, like skateboarding and cars, and interviewed him incessantly about what kind of girls he liked.  But come on.

 

The penis you're looking at is called a club-bulge, an effect created by a combination of very tight pants and shoving a rolled-up sock down there.  It was a standard accessory for every actor at the time, and still in use in gay clubs.  Leif's is actually understated; you should see what Shawn Cassidy was wearing. 

I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.

Explicit photos after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9, Continued: Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day

Previous: Episode 1.9: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the devil

He's not my boyfriend:  Earlier in the episode, Kelvin reveals that "he's coming apart," certain that his lack of interest in women and recent forays into "darkness" signify that he is the Devil.  The siblings tried to comfort him, but apparently it didn't help: he shows up at the teen group wearing a Goth teddy boy outfit, mascara, pale lipstick, dark glasses, and shiny vinyl pants, and announces "I have transformed myself into something Dark."  He's not Jesus, but a vile creature of sin.  He must leave them.  

But his replacement, Ronald Meyers (Josh Warren), is "pure": chubby, greasy-haired, an assistant manager at the GameStop.  One can't help but conclude that "pure" means "never had sex," a contrast with Kelvin, who obvioulsy has. 

Kelvin makes a dramatic exit.  Dot Nancy, whom he rescued from Club Sinister, scoffs, as if to say "What an idiot!", and follows. "Is this about your boyfriend?"  Notice that she is not being pejorative; she honestly believes that they are a gay couple.  

Kelvin corrects her:  "Ok, no, he's not my boyfriend. We're just a couple dudes who like to hang out. Why?"  He's being awfully nonchalant -- compare Season 3, where "rumors swirling around" drive him into a panic.  He's already the Dark Lord, a being infused by homoerotic desire, so why get upset over a simple mistake?

Fans who insist that "Kelvin is straight!" often point to this statement, but maybe they're not "boyfriends," partners in a caring, emotionally-fulfilling relationship.  Kelvin believes that Satan is all about sex, not love, so whatever he feels for Keefe -- whatever he does with Keefe -- must be driven solely by lust.   

That will all change in a moment, when Dot shows him Keefe's instagram page. He has returned to his old job as Baby Queef, a performance artist at Club Sinister: "The baby is back!"  and "Haven't I fallen far enough?"  

Responses from fans: "I'm psyched!  I can't wait!"  "We're off to never-never land!" 

Yelling "No, no, no," Kelvin rushes off. Why is he fine with turning into the Dark Lord, but upset when Keefe becomes one of his followers?  Maybe because his transformation was all about wallowing in self-pity, while Keefe's is for real. He is about to be destroyed, spiritually, psychologically, and maybe even physically.

Gideon in Haiti: Before we can find out what happens next with Kelvin and Keefe, we cut to Gideon in Haiti: colorful "third world" shots of goats, a taverna, Gideon  meeting a group of kids, and so on.  The Water 2 Haiti ministry reflects the real Water for Life, which has been sponsoring well digging and irrigation since 1983. 

Jesse tracks Gideon down and asks him to come home. He refuses: he's doing missionary work to expiate his sins, so he can find peace.   Jesse will have to find anothe way to reconcile with Amber.

BJ is Shocked:  Back to the Gemstone Compound, night.  BJ wants to do a grand gesture to get Judy back (you dumped her, remember?), but Brock the Security Guard makes fun of his name and won't let him in (he lived there before the breakup -- wouldn't Brock know him and let him by default?).  

Rejected at the gate, BJ says "It's time to be a man" and finds an isolated place with a fence he can climb over.  We get a good view of the amusement park as he sneaks through, trying to abandon "childish things," as St. Paul suggested.   But the stealth plan doesn't work:  he is surrounded by security guards and tazed.

A Transitive State: Meanwhile, Kelvin is trying a grand gesture of his own (you dumped him, remember?). He arrives at Club Sinister with yet another party going on (or is there always a party in the Satanic realm?)  He pushes through the crowd (and, significantly, shrinks back with audible “Ewww!” at the sight of a naked lady), and finds Keefe's old friend Daedalus.  

"Keefe is discovering some things about himself," he says. What does Keefe not know about himself?  Surely he knew that he was gay.  

Then: "I transformed him back into the earliest state of his being. He's sinking beneath his reality as we speak.  He's regressing to a transitive state."  I couldn't find an exact meaning for this phrase, but it probably means a state where you can be transformed into a different person.  

Kelvin threatens him: “Take me to him right now! I will beat your f*ng ass!”  

The Isolation Tank after the break

Lee Doud: "I'm Fine," random nude dudes, and anti-Asian prejudice in the gay community

 Lee Doud starred in the Doku series I'm Fine, about some twenty-ish friends looking for love in West Hollywood. I lived in West Hollywood for twelve years, sigh.

He also appeared in Good Trouble, Lucifer, and SWAT, and wrote/produced the documentary series OUTLOUD: Raising Voices   

In 2018, Lee  published The Gay Community's Fear and Loathing of Asian Men Must End" in The Advocate, about his experience as a mixed-race Asian/white guy in Hollywood ("you'll get more roles if you downplay the Asian part) and in the gay community ("So, which half of you is white, har har")..  Guys think that he is Hispanic, and actually lose interest when he tells them that he is part-Asian.  Hookup app profiles regularly say "No Asians.  Not racist, just a preference."

Um...it's a preference because they think that all Asian men have traits that they find undesirable, like being femme,anal bottoms, or having small dicks.  On the flip side, some guys like those traits, and fetishize Asian men. That's the definition of racism.

So let's take a look at some photos that highlight Lee's physique.  

Morning mimosas

Halloween at the Pailhouse.  I miss West Hollywood.

Working out on a pole.

More Lee after the break

Phil of the Future's future: Former Disney Channel teen Raviv Ullman on the Torah, wearing dresses, and his penis

 

On an uncomfortably humid episode of Broad City, set during a sopping-wet New York summer -- I've been there -- besties Abbi and Ilana try to beat the heat by buying, borrowing, or stealing an air conditioner.  Humorous or uncomfortable excursions follow, such as sex with a sopping-wet Seth Rogan, and holing up in a dorm room at New York University, smoking weed with -- and making out with -- two boys.  You'd think that someone hanging out in a college dorm room would be a college student, right?  No, they're high school students, age 16.

And one of them is Phil of the Future!

If you weren't watching the Disney Channel on Friday nights in 2004, you might not have noticed, among the girl-centric teencoms like That's So Raven, Lizzie McGuire, and Kim Possible, the boy-centric Phil of the Future.  A time-machine mishap strands a family from 2124 in our century, where they must adjust to primitive technology while keeping their secret. Phil, played by Ricky Ullman, immediately meets a girl, with whom he shares adventures while falling in love. Careful, dude, she could be your great-grandmother.

No gay subtexts here: hetero-romance is the beginning and end of everyone's story.  But there were a lot of cute guys, or guys who would grow up to be cute, like Evan Peters, whose butt you have seen many times on American Horror Story.  It was certainly better than watching Raven's psychic flashes.

After Phil, Ricky moved on to teen sex comedies like Prom Wars, grown-up sex comedies like How to Make Love to a Woman, and Rita Rocks, a Lifetime sitcom about a middle-aged lady who starts a garage band.

The straight-to-DVD Driftwood, 2006, was a change of pace dramatic role: David is sent to an "attitude adjustment camp." He befriends Noah, there to be "cured" of being gay, and helps him solve the murder of his boyfriend.  

This also marks the moment that Raviv dropped the stage name "Ricky" and came out as Jewish. He's actually Orthodox, and devout; his grandfather was a rabbi.

Contest, 2013, features a bully and his victim working together to win a contest.  I haven't seen it, but it appears to be all gay-subtext: the victim also gets a girlfriend. 

Strangers, 2017, not to be confused with Strangers, 2018, is a Facebook series about a young woman who makes extra money by renting out a room.  Isn't that called having a roommate?  She gets a girlfriend -- or two -- it's hard to tell from the trailer. Raviv plays Rory in three episodes.

I thought Raviv starred in Newsies on Broadway, but I can't find any reference. His theatrical credits include Bad Guys, The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, Death Trap (which features a gay kiss), and Usual Girls. 

This is from Spring Break 83, a "raunchy comedy" set to be released in 2012, but shut down by the actors' and technicians' union because they weren't being paid.

In 2020-21, Raviv hosted a weekly podcast on applying the Torah to everyday life.  His topics included the X-Men, student debt, the afterlife. tattoos, and the "clobber passages" that are often used for homophobic rants.

More after the break

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory and Kieran cocks, and Kelvin Gemstone Comics

Richie Rich, an impossibly wealthy 12-year old boy in a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit, was a mainstay of Harvey Comics from his first introduction in 1953 until the company folded in 1982.   

You may be familiar with the 1994 movie version, starring Macaulay Culkin and his brother Rory, above, as Richie Rich, and Michael Maccarone, aka Maccadeath, as his pal Omar (Freckles in the comics)

The reviews were awful.

Originally the comics were exclusively humorous -- Richie wants to jump rope, but can't find one, so he uses a huge pearl necklace. I never cared much for them, preferring the science-fiction and mystery-style stories of Casper's Ghostland

But by the 1970s, Richie was augmenting the humorous stories with serious Hardy Boys-style mysteries, paranormal, espionage, and adventure stories.  They were more interesting, if you could overlook the Little Lord Fauntleroy suit that he continued to wear.

By the end of his run, Richie was starring in over fifty monthly or bimonthly titles, far more than all of the other Harvey characters put together.  

So many thousands of stories required a huge supporting cast, so Richie quickly received a girlfriend, , some boy pals from the wrong side of the tracks, a mischievous cousin, a gold-digger with a crush on him -- or his money -- and crossovers from the other naturalistic Harvey comics, Little Dot, Little Lotta, and Little Audrey (I don't know why all the girls were "little").  He  paired with Casper the Friendly Ghost, although he always explained their adventures together as dreams. He even got a boyfriend.

 

48 issues of Richie Rich and Jackie Jokers appeared between 1973 and 1982, with humorous and adventure stories pairing Richie with a 12-year old stand-up comedian.  It soon became apparent that they liked each other.  A lot   Holding hands during the crisis, hugging when the crisis was averted, stammering "If anything were to happen to you....".  

Left: nuclear war in a kids' comic.

In one story, Jackie makes his romantic intentions very clear: "If you weren't always wearing that silly red bowtie, I'd marry you."  He'll take the tie off for the honeymoon, dude.

Coincidentally or not, during this same time period, Richie begins to beef up.  Previously the shirtless and swimsuit shots depicted a nondescript cartoon body.  Now he had biceps, pecs, and abs, to draw the interest of the preteen gay boys who were reading about his romance with Jackie Jokers. 

The cover art contrasted his buff bod with horrible puns.  It must have been difficult to make up 50 money-based puns every month.

Some dicks after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the Devil. With a Haitian dick bonus.

Previous: Episode 1.8: Kelvin's testicles, Chad's testicles, Jesse's butt, and ancient Philistine penises

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family.  It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.  

Title: "Better is the end of the thing than the beginning." Ecclesiastes 7:9.  Not things being over: at the beginning of the task, there are many problems ahead, many ways that things could go wrong, a lot of pain and sadness.  At the end, you can relax and enjoy the results of your hard work.

Chicken bone voodoo:  After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew were wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all. 

Later, Amber tells Jesse that if he wants to reconcile, he'll have to go to Haiti, where Gideon is doing missionary work, and bring him back. Their conversation is surprisingly racist, referencing chicken bone voodoo, AIDS, and cannibalism. (Left: Port au Prince)

Judy's frst boyfriend: Judy meets with BJ "at a neutral location," the Outback Steakhouse, to give back the stuff he left when he moved out. She admits that she hasn't really "gobbled 1,000 cocks"; it was a lie to impress him. Notice that she is taking a masculine role: usually straight men brag about how many partners they've had, while women and gay men are slut-shamed.  

Judy continues with a monologue about her only previous boyfriend, actually her economics professor in college: she misinterpreted his casual conversation,  sexually assaulted him in his office, then kidnapped his son. BJ is mostly shocked that she never had vaginal sex before, so he "took her virginity."

Judy and Kelvin's relationships run parallel.  Since Judy had no sexual experiences prior to BJ, can we conclude that Kelvin was out there "gobbling 1,000 cocks" before Keefe introduced him to the idea of a loving gay relationship?

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch).  They're watching The Neverending Story., at the scene where Artax  horse/companion of the hero Atreyu, is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking to his death.  Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend.  I love you."  Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears (Top photo: star Noah Hathaway, no doubt one of the teen idols of Kelvin's youth).  

In the movie, the Childlike Empress is sick, thus allowing the Darkness (hopelessmess, despair) to slowly devour the Kingdom of Fantasia.  Young hero Atreyu is looking for a cure to save Fantasia, but he is unable to save his horse/friend Artax.  Maybe Kelvin is thinking of how he couldn't save Keefe from his own Sadness:  "My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm coming unhinged." The siblings ignore him, so he repeats: I'm in emotional turmoil, dealing with some very painful questions about myself."  

"For real?"  Jesse immediately becomes serious.  Remember, he thinks that Kelvin is gay, but in denial.  Is he ready to come out?

Nope.  "I've always felt like, maybe, I'm Him."  He's always felt like he is Jesus? Say what?  Dude, that's full-blown psychosis.

Actually, many cult leaders claim to be Jesus.  Wikipedia lists 40 in the 20th and 21st centuries alone, including Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara, David Koresh.  It doesn't usually end well.

Kevin's reasons: we both care about people; people like us, and want to follow us. Wait -- you just have one follower, Keefe, and he's not worshipping you.  He gets on his knees for another reason entirely.  

Plus: "(Jesus) didn't date much, didn't have the urge or the need to.  That's me for days."  Fans sometimes use this line to argue that Kelvin is asexual, not experiencing desire for anyone, but in a heteronormative society, surely he means "urge or need to date women."  I'm sticking with the theory that Kelvin was out there breaking his celibacy promise, shoving his cock through the glory holes at Club Sinister every night, and feeling guilty about it the next morning.  

Jesse, aware of another reason for Kelvin's lack of interest in women, assures him that he's not Jesus, but "that doesn't mean you're not a decent man."  Notice that he uses the term "man," signifying that Kelvin is grown-up, an adult, regardless of his sexual identity.

But Kelvin doesn't buy it.  Another voice is telling him, "If you can't be him, maybe you can be me...Satan."  We know from the Satanic Sweep and the Club Sinister rescue that, in Kelvin's eyes, Satan is all about sex, or sex is all about Satan.  The only way he can explain his homoerotic desire, and maybe his homoerotic intimacy, is by fashioning himself "the Dark Lord of the family."  After all of this, how did fans continue to argue that Kelvin was straight?

He's very tired -- he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Because he usually shares his bed with Keefe?  And he misses Mama, who used to tell him that everything's gonna be ok.  She's gone, so Jesse and Judy step up: "Everything's gonna be ok.  You'll get it figured out."  It's not hard to figure out, Dude.  Lots of people are gay.

Haitian dick bonus after the break

"The Deuce": The top ten penises of the mafiosi, porn stars, and gay activists in 1970s New York

 

Tbe Deuce stars James Franco as Vincent and Frankie Marino, twin brothers who run a Mafia front in New York City during the 1970s. There's an adult film studio nearby, which means a lot of naked guys.  Usually while they're having sex with women, but still, a dick is a dick.  Here are the top 10 contenders.

1. Gbinga Akinagbe as a pimp turned actor.

2. John Paul Harkin as an adult film performer. 

3.  Jarrod Goolsby as a Viking in an adult film.

4. Gary Carr as a bad-guy pimp.

5. Chris Coy as the owner of a gay club.

More after the break.  Caution: it gets explicit, sort of.