Dang!: Dysfunctional Asian-American family, with Andrew Law as a gay brother. Gen Z humor, gross-out jokes, cute gay guys, and Brian Jordan Alvarez..

I've been looking forward to the animated Dang!, about dysfunctional Asian-American siblings, wiith some trepidation.  In one of the scenes in the trailer, Andrew Dang struggles to say something to a burly Hispanic dude in a bodega, knocks over a display, says "I love you!" and leaves in embarrassment.  Sounds like he's gay, but in another scene, he's knocking over furniture in enthusiastic kissing and hugging with a woman, so I'm not sure.  I've been fooled by queerbaiting trailers before.

But it stars Andrew Law, the showrunner of The Family Law, about a Chinese-Australian boy coming out, so we'll give it a try.

Scene 1: Boardroom at the XY Deadstock Company.  Andrew calls a meeting with his disengaged, phone-scrolling "grindset alpha" employees.  His co-owner fires him because "every day you spend hours in the bathroom, eavesdropping on your own employees and tweeting their conversations."

"Can't fire me if you can't catch me!" He runs away in a panic, chased by security guards in a parody of those zany movie chases. One expects to hear "Yackety Sax" in the background.  He runs into Lucille,  Head of HR, who hands him the termination papers.

Scene 2: A purple-haired woman is livestreaming her foot-bread fetish, accumulating coins. If she gets enough, she promises her feet on marble rye. Andrew comes and gets yelled at for interrupting. She notes that she's only doing this until she lands the job at Klerp, Kate Hudson's lip gloss newsletter. 

Andrew being fired will be a major inconvenience, since he pays for all her stuff. "Go back and fight for your job."

Scene 3: Andrew begs the Co-Owner to give him his job back.  "We're a world-changing company!" "We let teens resell their fanny packs for $6,000.  And you don't do anything."  Who would spend that much on a used fanny pack?  Unless it's a fetish -- the fanny pack has been close to the guy's junk?

"My lawyer and I will see you in court!"

"Isn't that just a guy you hook up with?"  

"We only hooked up once, and it was mostly over-the-pants stuff."

Gay identity established at Minute 5.00, but what about the enthusiastic girl-kissing?  Maybe it's bi identity.

Scene 4: Lawyer tells Andrew that they have two options: Prove that the Deadstock Bathroom Twitter account wasn't his.   "Nope, it was mine."  Ok, prove that he was wrongfully terminated.   His older sister Ruthie texts, so he runs away.

Left: The IMDB and the closing credits don't reveal which actor plays which character, so all I know is that Brian Jordan Alvarez (left), Jared Goldstein (below), and Adan Palley are in the cast.

Cut to Klerp, where Purple-Haired Sister is waiting for her internship interview.  The receptionist offers several wacky perks, like a cranial massage, bone marrow broth, and a bitch therapist: "A gay guy who agrees with everything you say, but goes too far."

She's interviewed by a young teen girl who puts rose quartz in her coffee.  They're ready to hire her, when Andrew appears, gesturing wildly.   "Our Sister Ruthie is in town, and she wants to...ugh...grab dinner!" 

"Don't panic.  We can avoid her until she leaves."

Scene 5: They run back to their apartment to grab some essentials and hide, but she's in the house!  She explains that she's moving to town for her very important, very successful job, so she'll be able to evaluate their tech business and muffin shop. 

Dang, the siblings don't have either of those careers!  "When Little Miss Perfect finds out, she'll be sooo annoying!"

Purple-Hair has another interview at Klerp, so Andrew is in charge of entertaining their sister for the day. She interviews with Kate, who is trying "interminable fasting" and doesn't know what "Cornell" means.

More after the break

Tristan Borders pushed up the queer codes as Young Kelvin Gemstone, but what about his other roles? With twink butt and Cleveland cock

  

For a long time, I've been wanting to do a profile of Tristan Borders, who played the young Kelvin in the flashback episodes of The Righteous Gemstones, and gave us so many intentional and unintentional clues to Kelvin's sexual identity -- more than Adam Devine himself, back when most fans were still yelling "He's not gay, just sensitive!"  

In the Season 2 flashback to 1993, four year old Kelvin has two dolls in his bedroom and a Muscle and Fitness cover taped to his wall (not this photo).

In the Season 3 Interlude, a flashback to the summer of 2000, eleven-year old Kelvin complains that his sister forces him to come to the mall with her, to act as a distraction while she shoplifts.  She also criticizes him for having "a tiny little doll pecker," starting an obsession with his size that will bedevil Kelvin through his life and, in 2023, make him reluctant to begin bedroom activities with his boyfriend Keefe.

Young Kelvin also wears a t-shirt with hibiscus flowers in the colors of the Pride Flag.

In the Season 4 Interlude, set in the summer of 2003, Young Kelvin is obviously gay, with a number of feminine mannerisms and an interest in teen idols.  He is a snob and a jerk, constantly denigrating his siblings and their friend Corey.  In a pivotal scene, he is alone in the house when Cobb breaks in to destroy things and steal the family heirloom Gold Bible.

Tristan doesn't have a social media presence, and there's no biographical information online, so all I can use for a profile are his other roles on the iMDB.

His career begins with two episodes of American Rust (2021), with a rust-belt police chief investigating the murder of flawed, troubled cop Pete Novick (Jim Frost, butt left).  Tristan plays Pete's son.

Then two episodes of The First Lady (2022), about three first ladies: Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama. Tristan plays John Roosevelt (1916-91), young son of Franklin (queer actor Charlie Plummer) and Eleanor (gay in real life).

More after the break

Asher Alexander: Brax's brother makes shrimp fudge, rides a drag queen train, plays a gay judge. With Brax and Brock cocks

 

Asher Alexander is the little brother of Braxton Alexander, who you know as a model, the college boy with the missing testicles on Free Bert, and  the gay kid on a flashback episode of The Righteous Gemstones: he rejects the vulgar advances of young Judy, so her brother Jesse retaliates; He hits the boy with a cymbal, then pantses him so the whole class can see his butt and penis...and laugh at him?  Or make it one of the iconic moments of their gay awakening?

 

It's was a stunt butt, of course, and we didn't see his penis.

 At least not until he turned 18.

Asher, born in March 2015, broke into on-screen acting with Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branching Out (2024), a "meta comedy on the holiday horror and romcom genres."  Fleeing from the murderous yule log, Zoe and her gay buddy Jaxter (Chase Steven Allen) are trapped in the romcom town of Mistletoe, where she falls for struggling ornament shop owner Birl and his young son Jaxon (Asher).

She teaches Jaxon how to make shrimp fudge. Talk about horror!

No Good Deed (2024) is about three families, including a lesbian couple, competing to see who will be chosen to buy a house.  Well, it's a very nice house.  Asher plays the young Paul (Ray Romano).

Hal and Harper (2025) is a comedy miniseries featuring siblings who reminisce about their dysfunctional childhoods.  The adult actors play themselves as children.  I can't imagine how weird that must look. Asher appears as Josh, not mentioned in the plot synopses.

Stop! That! Train! (2026): Two drag queen stewardesses on the Glamazonian Express train must deal with a disaster.  RuPaul plays President Gagwell, and we see Jerry O'Connell, Brian Jordan Alvarez, Brock Yurich (below), Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Charo (still shaking her maracas at age 75), and Joel McHale (right).  His companion is not identified.

More after the break

Aidan Langford: Some gay characters, a gay anthem, and a wife. Not the best record, but we've got his butt and the Nicky Ricky guy's dick.

 

The teen idol website says that Aidan Langford has only appeared in one movie, 1985.   I never heard of it, but I imagine that it's a nostalgia piece about coming of age, which means "discovering girls."  But he has a nice chest, so we'll go forward.

I don't care much for the super-thick, ostentatious rings. 

Even his girlfriend wears super-sized, ostentatious -- wait, they both wear wedding rings.  His wife. 

After about 30 photos of hugging and kissing his wife, he's in the arms of a guy?  Maybe he's bi, and this is before they started dating.  

Time to check Aidan's resume. The teen idol website could be wrong.

He was born in Dallas on an unspecified date, and got his start at the Dallas Theatre Center with roles in To Kill a Mockingbird and A Christmas Carol.

He's got 15 acting roles on the IMDB, beginning with Cooper and the Castle Hill Gang (2011).  Four have LGBTQ representation:

1985 (2018), about a young man with AIDS (Cory Michael Smith) who goes back to his conservative home town and struggles about coming out to his family -- and revealing that he's going to die soon. His roommate and most of his friends have already died.  Aidan plays his younger brother Andrew, who may be gay also (it's left in the air).  

Sounds like a real tearjerker.  I moved to West Hollywood in 1985, but I remember it as a joyous time. Only one of my friends died of AIDS, many years later.

In the episode "Two Doors Down" of Dolly Parton's Heartstrings (2019), a gay guy comes out to his conservative mother just before his sister's wedding.  Aidan plays Ren (center), a nibling who has come out as nonbinary.  Mom finds that much easier to accept than a gay son.

More after the break

Revival: The dead return in small-town Wisconsin, with zombies, a gay deputy, a lot of hunks, and four d*cks

 

Netflix just dropped a tv series called Revival, with an icon of a woman "under conviction," heading to the altar?  Sounds cool.

When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, hearing the same preacher screaming about the same topics (the Second Coming, The Book of Jor-shua, Homa-Sekshuls) three times a week for month after month got a little tedious.  So twice a year we invited an evangelist in for a week-long "revival" to get us revved up again.

Scene 1: Christmastime at the crematorium of Wausau, Wisconsin.  Randy the Creepy Mortician (Graeme Barrett) wheels a cremation box past a dead girl while a female reporter sets up.   He explains the procedure, but wonders if anyone really cares about a story on cremation.  

"It's a piece on unusual jobs, so..."

Suddenly warning lights flash, and inside the dead guy starts yelling "Let me out!"   As the mortician tries to override the system, the door bursts open, and the dead guy jumps out, covered in flames. He runs around screaming.  The corpses in the other chambers are screaming and yelling to be let out, and someone in a body bag sits up. 

Wait -- this isn't about church revivals, it's about the dead coming back to life!  

Scene 2:  Sheriff Wayne (David James Elliot) is arguing with his grown daughter, Dana: "This ain't my fault!  You've been running ever since you fumbled the Black Deer case!"  

"I'm doing what's best for me and Cooper!  After all we've been through..."  

The Sheriff gets a phone call, but can't deal with it, because he's trying to guilt his daughter into not moving away.

But the phone starts ringing "off the hook." "You'll have to come back to work --- it's an emergency.  Go see Randy the Creepy Mortician." 

Left: David's dick.  He's busy during the clip, so it was hard to get a clear shot.

Scene 3: Dana drives through the rainy December night, listening to 10-33 (emergency) calls.  Suddenly she screeches to a stop, staring in horror.  A bunch of people in suits are walking through the cemetery toward her, asking what's going on.  A n*ked man rushes by (he was buried without clothes).    A little girl wants to know where her mommy is.

Scene 4: TV report: It's been about a month since Revival Day, December 18th, and Mayor Ken (Conrad Coates) is finally lifting the lockdown order, but the town is still under quarantine while the CDC investigates the 47 people who revived.  All of them died during the two week period before Revival Day.  I looked it up.  In a town the size of Wausau, Wisconsin, about ten people will die during any two-week period.  This is way too many.

Cut to the Mayor interviewing one of the Revivers.  He felt pain in his arm, collapsed, and then he was in the funeral home, as if no time passed.  

Cut to Dana taking a gross milky bath.  Her friend comes in and complains that: she was supposed to visit her brother at Northwestern, not get quarantined with zombies; a girl she hates was revived; Dana never cleans up; and the lockdown is over, so get out!

Time to send her son Cooper to school.  The mean, aggressive, barbaric boys make fun of the girl who revived, but Cooper thinks she's nice. (Heterosexual identity established at age 11).

Hudson Wurster (Cooper) has a femme affect, but he is surrounded by girls in most of his Instagram photos, so I'm going to identify him as straight.

Scene 5: Nellie's Bar.  Dana stumbles out, smooching with a guy (I can't find him in the cast list). They jump into her cop car and fumble around, trying to do it through heavy coats.  Then the Sheriff calls: she has to go investigate a dead horse.

"So, can I call you?" The hookup asks.  "Sure."  But she doesn't give her number.

Cut to the dead horse, on the property of a rich jerk who writes books about how to live to 100 (cut out red meat, and walk a lot).  There's also a dead coyote on his property, and some small objects that Dana finds disturbing.  I can't tell what they are.

Scene 6: Dana arrives at the sheriff's office, which is swamped by people wanted to know if their loved ones were revived. We meet several quirky small-town deputies, including McCray (Nathan Dales), a condescending jerk with bad breath; and her ally, Gunderson (Mark Little), "quirky, kind-hearted, the lead bowler of the Pinsconsin Pride."  

Dana wants the list of the Revived, but the Sheriff won't let anyone else see it.  In other news, she's been assigned a partner, and Gunderson thinks that he's "a cutie patootie."  Gay identity established instantly.

Left: Mark Little seems to be straight in real life, but he is inclusive in his comedy routine.  Among the phrases he suggests for "the nonchalant man" to say during his orgasm: "Whoa, buddy, that was awesome."

In his office, the Sheriff is arguing with the Mayor about bringing in a guy from the CDC to help investigate the Revived. Shouldn't they have done that weeks ago?  

 More after the break

The Real Zack Gottsagen gets nekkid with Shia LaBeouf, plays a lot of gay-adjacent dudes. With Shia and Eli Roth dicks and Dashiell's boyfriend

Football player Sam Roush (right) is the last guy I researched for this profile, but I'm putting him first because have you seen his abs?

Now down to business: I don't have enough profiles of disabled actors, so I checked some lists of deaf, CP, and Down Syndrome actors, looking for someone cute, male, and gay.  The Real Zack G popped up, wishing us Happy Pride.  Notice the "Love is Love" pillow behind him. 

Promising, but  he also marched in a Martin Luther King Day parade, so maybe he's just an ally.

After I figure out the guy's last name, I'll check the usual: Any gay roles?  Gay in real life?  Any nude...

Looks like that one's been taken care of.  

Nice pop-out, Zack  Baby.

His name is Zack Gottsagen, and his most famous role is in The Peanut Butter Falcon (198().  I didn't see it, because who cares about falcons made of peanut butter, or guys running around with watermelon rind helmets?

Actually, it's about a Down Syndrome guy who breaks out of an assisted living facility to attend a wrestling school -- his pro name will be the Peanut Butter Falcon of the title.

He befriends a fisherman on the run from his rivals.  Eventually they hook up with sympathetic social worker Eleanor, and "start a new life as a family," so I'm assuming that it's a fraternal bond, not a gay-subtext romance.

The fisherman buddy is played by the homophobic Shia LaBeouf, so definitely a fraternal bond.

Zack Gottsagen grew up in Boynton Beach, Florida, with two moms -- who "have nothing but good things to say about Shia LaBeauf," according to a profile in The Sun-Sentinel.  Maybe the dude has changed?

More after the break

Airport Chaplain: Rebel cop...er, chaplain, job squabbles, personal angst, and eight gay guys, some with cocks (Max has two)

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When Airport Chaplain (2026) popped up on my Netflix recommendations, I was curious: I didn't even know that airport chaplain was a job.  Who needs pastoral counseling when they're awaiting their flight to San Diego?  So we'll check out the first episode.

 We open with establishing shots of an an airport.  A hoodied person runs fast past Security Guard Ziv, who yells "Oi!  Stop, mate!"  I'm guessing this is England.  (Update: It's actually Australia) 

Gay Guy #1: Elias Anton (Ziv)  starred with Thom Green (below) in the queer romance Of an Age (2022). 

Left: Anton's backside.

Cute guy in the security station is monitoring the sitch. As the Chaplain gives money to a homeless person, he is notified of the runner and heads toward the International Terminal. 

He grabs the runner -- it's just a kid -- and calls off security.  The kid talks to him in Spanish -- which doesn't appear on the subtitles, darn it -- so the Chaplain runs off  to the the cleaner's trolley outside the Prayer Room, grabs a plush toy, and rushes back past Border Control without getting it scanned.  Border Control Johnny is hesitant, but Chaplain says it's an emergency.    

Gay Guy #2: Thomas Weatherall (Johnny), played a gay high schooler on Heartbreak High.

Gay Guy #3: Hugo Weaving (the Chaplain) is best known as the drag queen Tick in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994) and Elrond in the Lord of the Rings movies.

The Chaplain gets the kid to his Buenos Aires flight (the toy actually belongs to his baby sister).   Problem solved.  So that's what airport chaplains do.  I figured they would, you know, pray with people.

I checked online: most large airports, even in the U.S., have full-time or volunteer chaplains. The fliers and their loved ones aren't just grumbling over the long lines and cancelled flights; they are often going through emotional crises, and need someone to talk to -- or pray with.  

Cut to the Chaplain in his office, with a real snake, stuffed birds, and drawings from kids saying thank you for retrieving their teddy bears. He's handling the case of Nino, who needs his flight re-booked because he wasn't allowed on the plane with his pet dog.  Maybe the Chaplain or his wife can look after him while he's away?  (Heterosexual identity established at Minute 5).

The terminal manager comes in to complain that he was canned for poor reviews.  He's old, but he doesn't want to stay home, with a wife who's always either "hot or angry." (Heterosexual identity established immediately.)

"By the way, the new Terminal Manager won't approve of rebel cops...um, I mean chaplains...who have unconventional methods and ignore the rule book."

Next, the Chaplain is called to the case of Alex Zhang, an Australian citizen returning from Shanghai.  His father died on the the flight, so the passengers are understandably upset.  The Chaplain calls Border Control Johnny to ensure that he gets through customs quickly, and Head Baggage Handler Lex to ensure that the body is taken to the holding area..  

Gay Guy #4:  Queer actor Erroll Shand (Lex) played a closeted lawyer in Outrageous Fortunes, and a gay prince in Our Flag Means Death and 

The Chaplain goes down to the holding area to comfort Alex, who is on an "I'm very important!" business call.  Not grieving much, are you , buddy?

He explains the procedure: get an ok from the coroner, then transport the body to a funeral home.  Alex hadn't thought of that.  Not on your ten-hour flight from Shanghai to Melbourne?

"So...um...were you and your father close?"

"Not really.  Pardon -- work call."

"Would you like me to...um...pray for him?"  

"We're Buddhist."  Chaplain takes that as an invitation, and says a Buddhist prayer over the coffin.

Back to the office, where Border Security Johnny is hanging out with -- and flirting with -- Nino the Dog Guy.

Gay Guy #5: Queer actor Nicholas Denton (Nino) played gay or gay-vague characters in Dangerous Liaisons and the vampire drama Talamasca. 

Chaplain has a solution to the dog problem: Crate him and transport him in the hold.  It will cost an extra $2,400 ($1,700 U.S.).

"Nope, can't afford it.  Besides, it would be cruel to crate him for such a long flight.

Uh-oh, Security head Sami calls Chaplain to the security room.  "Why did Border Control Johnny let you take that toy through security without scanning before?"

Arka Das (Sami) seems to be straight.

"It was an emergency."

"The new Terminal Manager is hyper-vigilant. Johnny will get written up, or even fired.  And by the way, I can't let you use security cams to research people's personal problems anymore.  I'll get written up."

Next crisis: Alex, the one with the dead dad, is sitting at the baggage carousel, not picking up his stuff. Chaplain asks what's wrong.  He starts crying.

Gay Guy #6: Max Brown (Alex Zhang) played the king's dresser on the period drama Downton Abbey.  He hooks up with Rob James-Collier.

Turns out that Alex was overcome by grief earlier, and trying to distance himself with work calls.  Plus Dad's body shouldn't go to the funeral home.  It's a Chinese tradition to pray and say goodbye over the deceased loved one at home.

Chaplain makes the arrangements, and drives Alex home, where a young woman, an old woman, and some Buddhist nuns are ready for the prayers.  Alex doesn't mention a wife or girlfriend, so the young woman must be his sister.

More gay guys after the break

Yani Xander: Headless ghost, Speechless body double, Telugu cop, hottest guy on the planet has a boyfriend and a tree-trunk sized cock

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Benjamin Ainsworth is possessed, kidnaps Dream, dances with a drag queen, rides a dragon. Plus his nose grows. With Champion and Elf cocks.

 

Benjamin Ainsworth (the one with the handbag) was born  in  Nottingham in 2008, and later moved to Lund, near Hull in Yorkshire.  He scored his first professional acting job in 2016, in the musical Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the Norwegian Epic Cruise Line, six weeks in the Mediterranean and then six more in the Caribbean.  He played Benjy, son of the drag queen Tick. who sings "Say a Little Prayer/Always on My Mind."  

The same year he was cast as "a cheeky schoolboy" in an episode of the soap Emmerdale.

His next major role was the troubled boy Miles in The Haunting of Bly Manor, loosely based on Henry James' The Turn of the Screw, with the two troubled children and ghosts bedeviling the nanny.  I stopped watching in the first episode after a particularly nasty trigger (hint: "does the dog die?"), but according to a review there's a lesbian romance "drowned in sad and tired tropes" like Bury Your Gays. Yuck.

Left: Oliver Jackson-Cohen as Peter Quint, who is possessing Miles and forcing him to do bad things.

In  the first season of The Sandman (2022), Roderick Burgess captures the Dream of the Endless and imprisons him naked in a glass jar.  His son Alex (Ben as a boy, Laurie Kyaston as a young adult) has many opportunities to free him, but refuses, worrying that Dream will harm him or his boyfreind (Christopher Colquehon).  

So far one gay and two gay-adjacent roles.  Good job, buddy. 

There have been dozens of movies based on Pinocchio, the 1883 novel by Carlo Colladi. The 2022 version, with Ben as the puppet boy, Tom Hanks as Gepetto, and Joseph Gordon Levitt (left) as Jiminy Crickett, is supposedly a live-action remake of the classic 1940 animated movie, with a lot of queer codes.  But in some versions Pinoke gets a girlfriend, so I wouldn't be surprised if he is changed into a real boy through a glimpse of the Girl of His Dreams.  

The IMDB description of Son of a Critch (2022-26) tells us that "Mark is 11 going on 70," and "tries to make connections with the small group of people in his limited world."  Sounds like he's got that syndrome where you grow old as a child, or maybe he's aging backward, but it's a misdirection: Mark (Benji Boy) is just smart, and his "limited world" is Newfoundland in the 1980s.  He's heterosexual; no gay people are mentioned in the series.   

Ben is posing here with the real-life Mark Critch, who plays his dad, and Colto Gobbo, who plays his older brother.

Everything is Going to Be Great (2025) covers a year in the life of the Smart Family, as they negotiate "over-sized dreams, identity, ghosts, and regional theater."  Trigger alert: this is advertised as a comedy, but Dad (Bryan Cranston of Malcolm in the Middle) dies halfway through.  

He leaves two sons, the athletic Derrick (Jack Champion), who has a girlfriend, and Lester (Ben), who wears flashy outfits, aspires to a career in musical theater, and has conversations with the ghost of gay playwright Noel Coward. Those are sizeable queer codes.  Google AI says that he's "openly gay," but according to the plot synopsis, he gets a girlfriend. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.