Joey Beni: Bodybuilder appears in five gay tv shows with multiple nude scenes, so he's obviously gay, right?

 

I don't usually have good luck with the guys depicted on the celebrity cock subreddit.  It seems like they either appeared in one movie 15 years ago and have no social media presence, or they are very famous in Lithuania but have no movies or tv shows available to stream in the U.S.  But I'll give Joey Beni a try because he has an Instagram page, 22 acting credits, and a 2025 interview in VoyageLA, which features "LA's most inspiring stories."

His bio comes from the interview: Joey was born in San Diego in 1994.  His first acting gig was playing Aladdin in the San Diego Children's Theater. Later he moved to Florida and then to Virginia Beach, where he attended Tidewater Community College.  In 2006 he decided to become an actor, which means moving to L.A., so he saved up his  money for two years and drove out: "I had no friends, no family, and no job in LA. I was able to lock in an apartment over the phone so all I had was an address, my life savings, and a dream."  

He studied comedy with the Groundlings and acting at the Archibald Studio, and started auditioninng. 

 Joey wonders why his friends are getting acting roles so easily, and he is so often left behind.  Maybe you need more nude photos?   He got one job because the guy they cast had to drop out, so they asked him to substitute at the last minute. He complains that acting is 90% luck, 10% talent.

Not too inspiring, buddy.  Actually, you sound a little bitter.  

After 18 years in the business, Joey has some industrial videos (The Benefits of Sunscreen, Sexual Harassment in the Workplace), some tv commercials, a drug prevention PSA, and a dating show, The Hook-Up.

That last show sounds promising, but it was actually heterosexual only.  Joey's episode features contestant Ray using social media to choose from between "four lovely ladies."  

Those 22 acting credits listed on the IMDB are mostly small roles, often unnamed characters:

Contestant #1 in Youthful Days (2014), starring Bryan James as a guy with two personalities.

Hot Guy #1 in an episode of Go-Go Boy Interrupted (2016): Jimmy Fowlie stars as a "go-go boy" who is approaching 30 and aging out of the business, with no other marketable skills. Being hung won't get you a job staring at a computer screen in a cubicle.  Gay actor Brian Jordan Alvarez, Scott Evans, and Nick Adams appear, and Lynne Marie Stewart of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, who I thought was a drag queen until recently, played Go-Go's Mom.

The Other Cowboy in Country Thunder (2017).

In M.F.A. (2017), an art student turned vigilante, targeting rapists got away with it, like former teen idol Michael Welch, Kyle Pettis (left), and Joey.

Wedding Photographer in a 2022 episode of Days of Our Lives.

Sexy Man in a 2022 episode of DemonHuntr, featuring two gay guys whose side hustle is paranormal investigation.  Apparently they don't investigate many nude ghosts; only Joey (top photo)  and Jason Caceres (left) give us frontals.

Man in Bondage #1 in Babylon (2023), which I found too disgusting to get through.

More after the break

Rooster Episode 1.1: Trashy novelist at an elite college, hetero romance problems, a gay sidekick, Dunster dick, and the guy from "Scrubs"

 

Robert Heinlein once complained that science fiction was about exploring the vastness of time and space, while mainstream fiction -- the Rabbit Runs, Appointments in Samarra, and  Complaining Portnoys of our college lit classes -- was about men who hate their jobs and their wives.  "For Heaven's sake, get new jobs, get new wives, and shut the f*k up."

I am reminded of that quote when I think of the works of Steve Carrell:  Anchorman, Dan in Real Life,  The 40 Year Old Virgin, Cafe Society,  Date Night, Dinner for Schmucks, The Morning Show, The Four Seasons, all about little men trying desperately to find meaning in jobs and wives that they hate. Coincidentally, this is precisely the "job, house, wife, kids" trajectory that I rebelled against growing up.

So I wasn't planning to watch the HBO MAX series Rooster (2026).  Then the promo showed a young man telling Steve, "nice washboard (abs)," referring to the hunk on the cover of his book.  Later he seems to become Steve's sidekick.  So Steve probably writes gay novels, and probably has a gay sidekick.  Enough potential to review Episode 1.

Scene 1:  Famous novelist Greg Russo (Steve) looks morose as he is escorted through the elegant Spanish Colonial campus of Ludlow College (actually the University of the Pacific, Stockton).  He sees a naked old guy, who waves -- but his escort, Eric (Myles Perez, left), doesn't see anyone.  A hallucination?

Eric tells him to wait here, then zones him out and refuses to speak anymore.  Fortunately, Professor Shepherd, who arranged his campus visit,  is just walking up. 

He's nervous -- he writes trashy beach novels, not literature: "Characters you like have sex, characters you don't like get shot in the face."  Why would elite college students want to see him?  

Scene 2: The reading, in a giant lecture hall.  The students criticize his protagonist, Rooster, for describing the Girl in food terms during their 17 sexual acts (18, if you count the blow job). Isn't that sexist?  

Russo counters that she is strong and powerful -- she rescues Rooster, remember? "But she takes off her bikini top to do it."   A jock praises that scene: "The Girl is smokin'!"  Hey, isn't he the gay sidekick?  I'm starting to suspect that I've been tricked.

Scene 3: Next Russo meets the College President (John C. McGinley, the homophobic, sexist jerk on Scrubs).  He strips to his underwear to show off his physique: "You're thinking, most college presidents are bookish shut-ins, but this guy is jacked!" He looks like the naked guy from earlier.  So it wasn't a hallucination, just a crazy act that would never happen on any real college campus.

They allude to a "sex scandal" involving Katie and Archie (not mentioned before), and the President offers Russo a job as Writer-in-Residence.  "But I didn't even go to college."  "Who cares?  It's over-rated."  Academic malaise at its snarkiest. 

Left: McGinley's butt

Scene 4:  Next stop: Another giant lecture hall, a lecture on French impressionism, Monet at Giverny.  It's Russo's daughter Katie, a professor of art history (and the sex scandal lady).  As the students leave, she notes that her Dad doesn't like interacting with other humans, so they can get extra credit for looking him in the eye and saying "I love you very much."  A student does it!

Next Katie points out that the college has asked Russo to do a reading a billion times; why agree now?  "Admit it -- you're checking up on me, to see if I'm ok after the sex scandal."  We finally find out what it is: her husband Archie dumped her for a grad student.  Hetero Romance Problem #1.  

She has no idea why. Everything was normal, and then she was moving into the dead hockey coach's house.   Everybody on campus knows, and keeps staring at her and asking questions.  And it's difficult to avoid running into him or his new girlfriend on a small campus.  She's about to crack.

She points them out, sitting on a park bench.  "The girlfriend isn't even hot.  She's like a regular person.  Why did he dump me for her?"  Maybe he liked her personality?

As Russo peeks through the bushes, husband Archie and the girlfriend leave, and a lesbian couple notice him.  They think he's a perv, har har.   He runs away as they film him.  

Spoiler alert: This is set up to have consequences, like Russo being arrested, or the job offer rescinded, but it is never mentioned again.

Scene 5: Russo stops at a convenience store for some water.  Tommy (Maximo Salas), the jock from earlier, praises the Rooster books. Uh-oh, he forgot his id, so Russo buys his beer for him.  If he's under 21, you're in big trouble, buddy.

More after the break

Jacob Tierney: Former teen idol produces homophobic and gay-positive work, has a husband and two wives, but is not a sea monster.

 

As the younger generation says, "I was today years old" when I discovered that Jacob Tierney, producer of Heated Rivalry (2025), about gay hockey players, did not voice the gay sea monster in the Disney-Pixar Luca ( 2021).  That was Jacob Tremblay.  They're both gay, their names are almost identical, and I thougt that Luca came out in the 2010s, so it's an understandable mistake.

Correction: Tremblay (potential dick left) has played only girl-crazy since Luca, and there's no significant boy hugging on his social media.  He may be straight.

But I was sure that I remembered Jacob Tierney as a teen idol somewhere.

Turns out that I remember the other Jake from the creepy indie film Josh and S.A.M. (1993).  13-year old Josh (Jacob) is upset by "accusations" that he is gay, so he concocts a wild scheme to prove his straightness, including convincing his 7-year brother Sam (Noah Fleiss) that he is a cyborg.  How does having a cyborg brother make you straight? 

They go on a bizarre road trip similar to the one in Motorama, and meet The Girl (Martha Plimpton of The Goonies)

As a child star, Jacob appeared in many other Canadian movies and tv shows.  He was best known for playing 10-year old vampire hunter Max in Dracula: The Series; Greg in the teen soap Watatow; and the sarcastic Eric, who was cut after the first season of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

As a teenager he was best know for The Neon Bible (1995), based on the book by Confederacy of Dunces author John Kennedy Toole.  I thought that guy only wrote the one book, and his mom found it in his room after his death and had it published, to the protests of readers everywhere.

Back to Neon: Shy, awkward David (Jacob, Drake Bell), growing up in an awful Southern Gothic town, finds comfort in the visit of an eccentric aunt.   Critics called it "unrelentingly downbeat": "it starts off dark and gets darker."

In adulthood Jacob began writing, directing, producing, and often  starring in his own films.  He came out at some point, so we should expect some LGBT representation:

Dad (2002): After a year in Africa, Mark comes home to find his Mom schtupping his best friend (Jacob).   I guess we're not there yet.

Twist (2003): A queer (more queer) Oliver Twist set in contemporary Toronto, with Nick Stahl as Dodge (The Artful Dodger).  Here's the gay stuff, finally.

The Trotsky (2009): A Montreal high school student (Jay Baruchel) believes that he is the reincarnation of Trotsky.  He starts a revolution and kisses The Girl.  Wait, that's heterosexist...

Good Neighbors (2010): Three friends in Montreal, all straight, one a serial killer.  Hey....

He Hated Pigeons (2015): A man (Pedro Fontaine, left) drives from the north to the south end of Chile to keep a promise to a dead boyfriend.  Back to gay content.

Lovesick (2016): Dash (Jacob, left) is depressed over losing his ex-girlfriend, until he meets The New Girl.  The gay representation didn't last long.

Another Kind of Wedding (2017).  You think it's going to be about a gay wedding, but the title is just queerbaiting.  A man (Jacob) is about to get married, when his brother (Kevin Zegers), who happens to be the bride's ex-boyfriend, shows up to try to win her back.  

More after the break

Matthew G. Taylor: Chongo, Nemesis, a god's guard, a lot of fan conventions, and some dicks

 

On a 2001 episode of Queer as Folk , Emmett (Peter Paige) decides that he wants to become "ex-gay."  To dissuade him from this crazy idea, his friends arrange for him to be visited by adult video performer Zack O'Tool, played by the super-sized-in-every-way Matthew G. Taylor (left).

Although this is definitely a prosthetic.

Born in Burlington, Ontario, in 1973, Matt worked as a police officedr and martial artist before the acting bug hit.

Among his other early roles:

Legendary strongman Eugene Sandow in a 1998 biopic of Thomas Edison,

 A bushy-haired thug in Detroit Rock City (1999)

Medoc in The Skulls (2001), about an Ivy League secret society.

Matt's most famous role is probably Nemesis, a "huge, overpowering monster" in Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004).  His instagram is full of selfies that fans wanted to take with him at horror conventions. 

He went on to play more man-mountain characters:

Boxer Primo Carnera in Cinderella Man (2005).

A Giant in Boondock Saints II (2009)

Shackles, an "uncontrollable monster with freakish strength" on the teen adventure series Aaron Stone (2010).

A character called "Man Mountain Guard" on Lost Girl (2011).

More man mountains after the break

"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

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Jonathan Taylor Thomas: The teen idol superstar plays gay characters, retires from acting before he can show us his dick. Probably.

 

During the early 1990s, ABC offered a "family-friendly" lineup on Wednesday nights, beginning with The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage courting the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.  We sang a parody of the theme song, the Beatle's "With a Little Help from My Friends":

What would you do if I shat on your shoes?
Would you get up and kick me to the moon?

Before turning the channel to CBS, with The Nanny and Melrose Place.

But we knew about each of the shows, because you knew about every show in the era. They included:

Doogie Houser, with Neil Patrick Harris (right, recent photo) as a 13 year old doctor named Doogie.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a coach.

And Home Improvement, with Tim Allen as a grunting, sweating macho man who hosts a tool-themed tv series and tries to instill grunting, sweating masculinity into his three sons.  Zachery Ty Bryant (playing Brad), the eldest and most muscular, was promoted as a teen idol to draw in teenage girls (they weren't aware of gay boys).  But oddly, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas (playing Randy) who took off, causing millions of teenage and preteen girls to tune it (again, no gay boys exist).  It quickly jumped to #2 in the ratings.

Wait -- Brad is a jock, a football star, a letterman who every girl in the school swoons over.  Randy is soft, bookish, somewhat femme, playing "a fairy" in the school play, an aspiring actor and journalist.  How did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do it?

The showrunners were stumped. They should have realized that straight girls and gay boys just starting to recognize their romantic interests prefer soft, cuddly, and relatable: Malcolm, not Reese (Malcolm in the Middle), Chris, not Drew (Everybody Hates Chris); Adam, not Barry (The Goldbergs). 

In the mid-1990s, Home Improvement moved to Tuesdays, in the hope that its popularity would help stragglers like Spin City.  We still steered clear of the grunting, sweating Tim Allen, quickly changing the channel to Frasier (CBS) and then back for Drew Carey (ABC).    

But we could hardly ignore JTT; he was on every magazine cover, in every talk show.

He presented at the Emmies and the Golden Globes.

We saw him waving in Thanksgiving and Christmas parades

He appeared in specials honoring Tom Cruise and Lauren Hutton

He praised James Bond in a documentary about the super-spy.

Elton John hugged him.

He played Tom Sawyer opposite Devon Sawa's Huckleberry Finn in Tom and Huck (1995), with a story only vaguely related to the original novels.

An adventure boy opposite Devon Sawa and Scott Bairstow (left) in Wild America (1997).

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: The 3rd Rock kid plays gay teenagers, then descends into ceaseless heteronormativity. With his butt, bulge, and potential dick

 

Raise your hand if you still think of Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tommy Solomon on 3rd Rock from the Sun (1996-2001).  A team of aliens is sent to Earth, disguised as a "typical human family," but their superiors get the ages and genders mixed up.  The male security officer becomes a woman, Sally (played by Kristen Johnsten, who would go on to play Eli's estranged sister on The Righteous Gemstones).  The middle aged information officer becomes prepubescent Tommy.  Poor guy has to go through puberty twice.

There were no regular gay characters, and only two references, in "mistaken for gay" episodes, but Sally, as a male being presenting as a woman, has a queer aura in spite of her heterosexual interests.  Plus John Lithgow, a vocal ally who has played gay and trans characters, imbued team leader Dick Solomon with a number of queer codea, explained as his lack of experience with human customs.

Joseph was a busy child star long before 3rd Rock, with guest spots on Murder She Wrote, LA Law, Quantum Leap, Family Ties, and Roseanne, and starring roles in the 1991 Dark Shadows reboot (as David Collins, heir to the vampire-ridden dynasty) and the 1992 Powers that Be (as the grandson of the unhinged Senator Powers).

I've already reviewed The Great Elephant Escape (1995), a buddy-bonding adventure set in East Africa.

Duriing and after 3rd Rock, Joseph appeared in several projects of gay interest:

On a 1998 episode of That 70s Show, about a group of high school friends in 1970s Milwaukee, focus character Eric befriends his chemistry lab partner, Buddy (Joseph), who thinks they are dating and kisses him.  Eric struggles with the realization, but in the end decides to stay friends with Buddy anyway.  Buddy was supposed to be an ongoing character, but homophobic fans objected, so he was dropped.

Some historians call it the first male same-sex kiss on tv, but it doesn't really count, since Eric didn't consent.  The first kiss where both men consent aired in 2004.

Latter Days (2003) features a romance between  closeted Mormon missionary Aaron (Steve Sandvoss, middle) and out-and-proud, heavily partying Christian (Wes Ramsey, left).  They end up leaving the church and tthe party subculture, respectively. 

Left: Wes Ramsey's butt

 Joseph auditioned to  play Aaron, but the directors thought that his aggressive manner was better suited to the homophobic missionary Paul.  

Mysterious Skin (2004) features two boys, Neill and Brian (Joseph, Brady Corbet), who are abused by their Little League coach.  When they grow up, Neil becomes a hustler (gay, but with a girlfriend), while Brian is experiencing "missing time" and believes that he was abducted by aliens.  

Left: The butt of Joseph as an adult.

I didn't watch because I heard that it was homophobic, presenting the idea that the abuse "turned" the boys gay.

Then the gay content abruptly  ends.  Joe's character even uses a homophobic slur in Don Jon (2013).  He explains, "that character would say that." So it's realistic to offend your gay fans?

In the same interview, he's asked about his gay fans, and replies: "I can't say it's something I really think about."  Jerk!

Left: the jerk's butt.

More after the break

Zak Ford Williams: Better Bridgerton Batteries and the British Stonewall: all gay roles all the time. With a lot of cocks.

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Carter Ryan: Canadian soap boy likes farm equipment, works out, hugs Jaiven and other hot guys. WIth Carter and Kevin cocks.

The teen idol site has numerous photos of Carter Ryan, aka Carter Ryan Evancic and another guy, visible in the background of this photo, and elsewhere hugging, swimming, working out, hugging, and hugging.  Surely they're boyfriends.  But first, to make sure that Carter is actually an actor, I'm checking out his IMDB biography.

Whew, it's long and overblown with superlatives.  The greatest actor of our generation was born in 2006 to Dorlyn and Carol Evancic.  Don't get excited -- Dorlyn is just a guy with a girl's name.   His older sister inspired him to start acting at the age of eight months.  Really? 

At the age of eight, Carter booked the Lead in a Feature Film (Mom's capitalization, not mine), playing the son of "supermodel/actress Rachel Hunt" in Her Infidelity (2015).

Wait -- is Rachel the extremely famous actress, or the character?

She's the actress.  In Her Infidelity (2015), Rachel plays a bored housewife who has an affair with a hunky teacher (Grayson Chitty), but he turns out to be a psycho.  Presumably Carter plays her son.

 

Getting through the descriptions of Carter's wonderfulness is quite a slog. Here's another photo of Carter and his boyfriend to combat the boredom.  

After Her Infidelity, the great actor (according to his Mom) appeared in:

An episode of Impastor (2015) as Young Buddy.  The grown-up Buddy, on the run from a loan shark, steals a man's identity and takes over as the new gay pastor of a small-town church.  This may be a problem, since he's not really qualified to be a leader in the local gay community. Besides, he's got a tattoo of a naked lady on his hand. 

An episode of Travelers (2016), with Will and Grace star Eric McCormack playing a straight guy who sends his consciousness back in time.  Carter's character is not mentioned in the plot synopsis.

Two episodes of The Man in the High Castle (2015-16), a dystopian series where Germany won World War II. Carter plays the son of a lady dating American resistance fighter Joe Blake (Luke Kleintank).

Left: Rupert Everett as resistance fighter Frank Frink.

But Carter is best known as Cody Stanton in the Canadian soap When Calls the Heart (2015-19) and the spin-off When Hope Calls (2021).

The Hoping Heart or The Calling Hope or whatever is set in a small town in Alberta in the 1910s.  Cody is homeless and hungry until he is adopted by Abigal Stanton, who runs the local cafe. His plotlines involve dealing with his sister's illness, dealing with his own illness, having trouble at school, and gay-subtext buddy-bonding with Robert Wolfe (Jaiven Natt).

Hey, Jaiven is the boyfriend! 

Off-camera, Carter buddy-bonded with several male cast members.  Here he wishes happy birthday to Daniel Issing, whom I assumed was a father figure on the show. But the actor is Kevin McGarry, who plays town constable Nathan Grant, with no particular connection to Cody.  Apparently Carter just likes hunky guys.

And who the heck is Daniel Issing?    

More after the break