"Justified": Episode 1.1: Kentucky cowboy has a gay-subtext romance with an unhinged thug. Lots of thug dick
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The Theater of Dicks: Nick Rutherford and Beck Bennett envision the terror of the penis
The Theater of Dicks, on Instagram, consists of 107 photographs with absurdly huge penises painted in. The authors, Nick Rutherford and Beck Bennett, explain: "We're just two loveless assholes chasing a dream, who have kinda gotten misguided and found themselves making an instagram full of dicks."
You might recognize Nick Rutherford from Saturday Night Live, Dream Corps LLC, and Adam Devine's House Party.
Beck Bennett has been his comedy partner since college. They have worked together on a number of projects, including the short film "Is My Roommate Gay?" (he denies it), and Saturday Night Live. Here we see him nude in Beside Still Waters (2013).
They are both married to women, but Nick's social media is loaded down with images suggesting that he is attracted to men. Maybe as a joke.
Some of the dicks in The Theater of Dicks are merely absurdly exaggerated version of their own erect cocks.
More after the break
Derek Yates: Nude Photos of the Smiley-Emoji and Eggplant Guy
Actor/model Derek Yates has 21 credits listed on IMDB, including cops, paralegals, nurses, a sleazoid, a passenger on the doomed Titanic 666, and Rando the Smiley Emoji guy on How I Met Your Father (Sylvia didn't remember what he looked like, so he came out with a smiley-emoji covering his face and an eggplant covering his crotch).
Derek also claims to have played the Best Friend alongside Adam Devine in Isn't It Romantic. I don't remember seeing him there, but his face is rather unremarkable. Fans like him for his comedic talent.
His 840,000 social media followers may be even more interested in his beefcake photos. Thousands of them, so many that I actually got tired of looking. Always shirtless, usually bulging, and quite often nude.
Selfie wearing glasses.
Torso and cock. He didn't shave his chest that day.
Artistic nude
More dicks after the break
"With Love" Episode 2.4: A gay bachelor party in Las Vegas. With lots of bonus butts.
With Love is a tv-series with an impossible to remember name, about an extended Hispanic family, including a gay son and a trans aunt. In Season 1, each episode was set during a major holiday. Season 2 seems to be about the wedding of Jorge and Henry (Mark Indelicato from Ugly Betty, left, Vincent Rodriguez III from My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, right), so I reviewed Episode 2.4: "The Bachelor Party." Which of the guys is getting one? And, more importantly, will there be male strippers?
Scene 1: Santiago (Rome Flynn, left)) opens the door at 4 am. Dre (W. Tre Davis) and his girlfriend Annie criticize him for bulging in boxer shorts. Well, he can hardly help having morning wood. They're going to get married today because Dre has a lump on his testicle, and he needs Annie's insurance to check it out. But they want to get married in Las Vegas, and they have to drive because Dre is afraid of planes.
Scene 2: Establishing shots of Las Vegas. Jorge and Henry, plus two women and a man (maybe Nick, played by Desmond Chiam), walk in slow motion into their hotel suite. It has a crystal sculpture of a male torso.
They rush to claim their bedrooms. Jorge complains that he likes the credenza in Room A but the view in Room B, so...they move the credenza. What a diva!
Woman #1 asks Nick to share her room. He refuses because it would be too awkward, but she shows her boobs and says "No sex," so he agrees.
Scene 3: Dre, Santiago, and Annie from Scene 1, who are all black, driving through redneck country. They discuss the weird stuff about the girl Santiago was dating. then Annie criticizes for not wanting to get married: "it's not normal." Geez, lady, why so judgmental? Granted, there are two weddings in this episode, but still, some people don't experience romantic attraction, and some just like living alone.
Santiago wants to normalize people being single, but Annie disagrees: "You want a partner, you want kids."
Dre has to pee, so they pull into a scary redneck gas station. The attendant glares at them; they change their minds and drive away. Hey, where's the next scene where he posts his Black Lives Matter sign?
Scene 4: The guys in their suite. Suddenly "the gays arrive!": James and Jauvier (Scott Evans, below Adrian Gonzalez, on his knees). Why are the friends of a gay couple on tv always flamboyant stereotypes? They flirt with the one straight guy in the room, give Henry a penis-hat (he doesn't like it because it's too bushy; he likes his pubic hair trimmed), and zoom to the booze. Why are they always drunks?
Back in his partying pre-couple days, whenever Henry drank tequila, he turned into a loose cannon named Hank. "He's the reason I'm permanently banned from the Gap." "He's the reason my wrist cracks when I make a limp-wrist gesture."
Everyone wants to go to the pool, except Hank: with his muscles and bulge, women are always hitting on him. They talk him into it anyway. Nick the Straight Guy acts as his anti-wing man, blocking all of the drink and sex offers. Hank suggests that he get with some of the girls himself, but he's mooning over one of the girls they came with (he gestures at them standing together, so I can't tell which).
Scene 5: The three driving to Vegas stop at a non-redneck place to pee. Santiago imagines that he sees his ex-girlfriend Lily (who is now in Vegas, being "just friends" with Nick the Straight Guy), walking in slow motion, her hair blowing in the wind. She gives him a flirty glance, then drives away forever. Maybe she'll show up in Vegas.
Scene 6: Everyone hanging out, the gays wearing pink bunny ears and having no trouble with the limp wrist gestures. They criticize Henry for not drinking. Hey, some people don't drink for religious reasons, some have an alcohol problem, and some just don't like it. It's his choice, jerks!
More jerkiness after the break
Kelvin and Keefe Under the Christmas Tree: A Kelvin/Keefe Romance
It was Christmas Day in South Carolina, 85 degrees, so Kelvin and Keefe were sweating in their Santa hats and scarves as they knocked on the door of Daddy Eli's mansion. Kelvin was his youngest son, the youth director at his sprawling megachurch and worldwide television ministry. Keefe was Kelvin's best friend, an ex-Satanist whom he brought to God two years ago. And incredibly cute, Kelvin thought. He could hardly take his eyes off him. It's a wonder some girl hasn't snatched him away!
Keefe could barely see over the pile of presents in his arms: they had a big family. Daddy Eli, his children, Jesse and Judy, who helped in his ministry (along with Kelvin); Jesse's wife and three kids; and Judy's husband. Even with the couples getting presents together, that's still an armload.
Time for presents. Abraham, Jesse and Amber's youngest, was in charge of passing out. He handed Kelvin a package marked "To Kelvin and Keefe, from Judy and BJ." Wait -- the rule was, one gift per couple, but he and Keefe weren't a couple. They should get separate gifts. Cheapskates!
Keefe said "Thank you, Mr. Gemstone, sir," and they prepared to move on, but Kelvin couldn't take any more. "We're not married, we're not newlyweds, we're not going on any honeymoon to any gay capital!" he yelled. "We're best friends! That's it."
Jesse's wife Amber, answered the door. "My favorite brother-in law!" she exclaimed, hugging Kelvin. "And my other favorite brother in law," kissing...Keefe's cheek?
"Hey!" Judy's husband BJ yelled from the parlor.
Other favorite brother in law? "We're not...um...we're not..." Kelvin stammered, but Keefe and Amber were already heading toward the Christmas tree to deposit the presents.
He checked the seating arrangements: two places on one of the sofas, but they would have to sit very close together. Gulp! Maybe someone would get up to go to the bathroom, and he could take their place. He stopped at the pastry cart in the alcove. He usually didn't eat sugar, but this was an emergency!
"No time for feeding your face, Brother," Jesse called. "These presents won't unwrap themselves."
Keefe was already sitting on the white sofa, resting his arm across the back...across Kelvin's spot. There was no choice! He trudged across the room, slowly, like a condemned man on the way to the gallows, and squeezed in between Keefe and his nephew Gideon. He relaxed a bit, feeling the familiar hardness of Keefe's chest, his arm against his head, their legs pressed together -- no choice.
Then Keefe used the "yawn and stretch" maneuver that you saw in movies to wrap his arm around his shoulders. "He's just trying to get comfortable -- it's a tight squeeze," Kelvin thought. "Just bros being bros."
Time for presents. Abraham, Jesse and Amber's youngest, was in charge of passing out. He handed Kelvin a package marked "To Kelvin and Keefe, from Judy and BJ." Wait -- the rule was, one gift per couple, but he and Keefe weren't a couple. They should get separate gifts. Cheapskates!
It was a toaster! "Your husband can't make you breakfast in bed without a toaster," Judy said with a giggle.
Grr -- they had $26 million in trust, a monthy deposit of $20,000 into the joint checking account, three cars, and a house on the estate. They could afford their own toaster! Wait -- your husband? "We're not...um...", he stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Judy and BJ," and they moved on.
More presents "to both of you": matching Christmas sweaters, a framed photo of two 1950s bodybuilders (from Abraham: "he thought they looked like y'all," Amber explained).
Keefe didn't have any money of his own, so they had no choice but to give presents together. Did that give everyone the wrong idea?
It got even worse: his nephew Pontius gave them a Ken doll and a GI Joe on a little stand, shirtless, hugging, with their mouths pasted together so it looked like they were kissing. "I've never seen you do it, so I figured you didn't know how," he said.
"We don't....we're not,..." Kelvin stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Pontius. It's beautiful. We'll put it on display in the bedroom." The bedroom? They had separate bedrooms; Keefe didn't sleep in the master bedroom more than once or twice a week. Ok, four or five times a week. Well, he slept in the guest suite that one time.
Now it was Daddy Eli's turn. He gave everyone trips: Hawaii for Jesse and Amber and their kids, Disney World for Judy and BJ, and for Kelvin and Keefe, a "romantic" week-long stay at a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach.
"You boys never had a honeymoon, and I hear it's the gay capital of the South."
Keefe said "Thank you, Mr. Gemstone, sir," and they prepared to move on, but Kelvin couldn't take any more. "We're not married, we're not newlyweds, we're not going on any honeymoon to any gay capital!" he yelled. "We're best friends! That's it."
The family stared. Keefe stared. "Kelvin...." he began, After a long pause, Jesse spoke: "Sorry, Dude, but what were we to think? You haven't mentioned a girl since high school, and then Keefe moves in"
More after the break
Dream Corps LLC: Mad scientist doctor and his hung assistant solve gay couple's problems through dreams. With Nick Rutherford dick
I looked up LLC: Limited Liability Company. No idea what that means, but it sounds like a boring insurance term; not the best name for a show you want people to actually tune in to. But I'm reviewing Episode 1.3, because it involves a gay couple.
Scene 1: A run-down storage facility. Technician Randy (Mark Prokbsch, who you may know from What We Do in the Shadows), looks for his vape, with the help of T.E.R.R.Y the robot. He loses his shirt and his hand.
Left: Jon Gries butt
Scene 2: The Doctor examines Patient 86, aka Brandon (Geoffrey Arend, left), who has hives due to relationship problems. His boyfriend is late (Brandon tricked him into coming, saying it was "hot yoga").
Forced to "lick the truth plastic", Brandon, reveals that he gets dressed for the gym, then just sits in his car and drinks lattes, he doesn't have any black friends, and he doesn't know if his boyfriend still loves him. Aha, the crux of the issue! A brief interview could have told you that without a gross "truth plastic."
Patient 103, AKA Rod (Dan Gill), arrives, angry because "You forgot your man again."
Scene 3: They need Randy to begin the procedure. Patient 88 finds him trying to re-attach his hand. Disgusting! The magnets he used push the hand into Patient 88's crotch and begin masturbating him. He tells TERRY "This is not what it looks like." Randy: "Yes, it is."
Patient 88 breaks away, and the hand moves on to masturbate Randy.
Scene 4: In their animated dream, the guys are riding penis-shaped dolphins. They reach land, and a golden staircase. The Doctor tries to warn them that they are going the wrong way: the staircase will kill them! But he was knocked out of the dream. Patient 88 tries to get him back in.
Scene 5: Uh-oh, he's back in the dream, but fighting the Predator! Meanwhile, the guys reach the top of the staircase. It turns into a hot air balloon, with Rod hanging over the side! He says: "If anything happens to me, I want you to know...." I love you? No: "This was your idea." Darn!
He falls, apparently to his death! Brandon screams and sobs.
More dicks and therapy after the break
Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 2.9: Adam's orgasm, Nick Rutherford's bulge, and guys sucking....
Adam Devine's House Party (2013-14, 2016) is a Comedy Central series where Adam hosts a party in a gigantic mansion to showcase three up-and-coming comedians, with a brief story in between the sets. I reviewed Episode 2.9, "Flip Top Twins." because it features a lesbian comedian.
Scene 1: The gang is set up for the world's biggest flip-top contest (where you drain your cup and then flip it over). Adam offers to order a pizza (for 500 people?).
Scene 2: The three comedians are hanging out when Adam appears, pretending to be his identical twin Jerome, from Germany. He comes on to Sabrina Jalees, who is offended by his obnoxiousness, and complains about sexual harassment.
He leaves, and returns as Adam, with his shirt off: "That's my thing. I have the right combination of muscle and fat." No argument there, Dude. Adam explains that his twin is a sexual deviant who will try to mount Jalees, but she should give it a try because he is good at sex.
Scene 3: Sabrina's set. She saw a boy on the subway complainng because Vanessa wouldn't talk to him, and wanted to console him: "You have nothing to worry about. You're 100% gay." She wished she knew at age 12: sleepovers would have involved titties. She had a hard time coming out to her Dad because he's Muslim,and wants her to have 10 wives (that sounds Islamophobic). Her wife's family are southern Republicans, but they love her.
Scene 4: Adam explains that he has another identical twin, but they're not triplets, they're two sets of twins. This bit is confusing, not funny.
Nick Rutherford's Mom (not played by his actual mother) is a big fan, and wants a photo with Adam. While they are hugging, Adam has an orgasm. Mom loves it. He explains that he has a psychic connection with his twins, so when one has an orgasm, they all do.
Scene 5; Nick riffs on why women don't slap dudes in the face anymore, and Skype sex with his girlfriend. She looked like an angel, but he looked like an ape. Right, women's bodies are beautiful, men's bodies are ugly, got it.
Left: Nick's bulge in Balls Out (2014)
Scene 6: The comedians ask Adam to stop the twin bit, but he insists that it's not a bit, so they decide to slap him in the face.
Scene 7: Pizza update: "We do not have it yet, but it is coming soon, just like the women in the audience, when they hear the voice of Jesus Trejo." That's way heteronormative, Adam: all women in the audience are straight? You know that lesbians exist, right?
Trejo tries to slap Adam in the face, then riffs on being weird and being a Mexican only child (hey, that's racist!). Even as an only child, he still got hand-me-downs. "It's hard to pick up girls in your mom's blouses." I fast-forwarded through this part.
Scene 8: Sabrina succeeds at slapping Adam in the face, but he refuses to drop the bit, claiming to be Jerome. They finish the flip cup game, the third twin brings in the pizza, and everybody hugs. The end.
My Grade: Adam is abrasive, obnoxious, and not funny. The fact that nobody likes him actually makes it worse. But at least he takes his shirt off and has a (pretend) orgasm. C+
A guy sucking...after the break
"Almost Love": Almost good gay-themed comedy about rich people's hook-up problems, plus Scott Evans nude
1. Why do gay men in movies always live in New York?
2.Why are they always super-affluent, when in real life they earn on the average 20% less than straight men?
3. Why are their friends all straight women? When I lived in West Hollywood, you had straight acquaintances who you weren't out to, but friends, never.
That's just the first three questions I have about Almost Love (2019), a gay-themed comedy about a super-elitist NYC gay guy and his straight female buddies, who have trivial problems.
1.Adam (Scott Evans, top) wants to be a painter, but he's stuck in a dead-end job ghost-painting for the famous-but-nasty Ravella Brewer. Question 4: why are all gay guys in movies working as lawyers, actors, or artists?
His boyfriend Marklin (Augustus Prew, bottom) is a famous blogger who is constantly getting fawned over by fans. They're vaguely unhappy and unfulfilled, but dismiss any suggestion of moving forward in their relationship by getting married, buying a house, and having kids.
Instead they....gasp...hook up on the side, which this movie portrays as the ultimate in betrayal. Question 5: why are all gay guys in movies obsessed with monogamy? There are a lot of open relationships out there.
Left: Augustus' butt
2. His BFF #1, Elizabeth, is celebrating her 15th anniversary with Damon (Chaz Lamar Shepherd, left) , wondering "Is this all there is?" Question 6: How are these people friends? Adam is an artist, and Liz never sets foot in a museum, except for the free wi-fi.
3. His BFF #2, Haley, works as a tutor. This doesn't seem like the sort of job that would get her the big bucks, but she lives in a huge loft with bare brick wall and gigantic paintings. Her problem: the high school boy she's tutoring, Scott (Christopher Gray), isin love with her. The age of consent in New York is 17, so he's not jail bait, but he is certainly inappropriate. He threatens to kill himself if she refuses him. Question 7:in what way is this funny or endearing?
Top photo: a model who pops up when you search for "Christopher Gray nude"
4. His BFF #3, Cammie, is dating Henry (Colin Donnell), perfect in every way -- except it turns out that he's homeless! Her friends cringe. "You invited a homeless guy into your apartment? You touched him? Yuck! Gross!" Question 8: how elitist can they get? Is being homeless a disease?
4. His BFF #3, Cammie, is dating Henry (Colin Donnell), perfect in every way -- except it turns out that he's homeless! Her friends cringe. "You invited a homeless guy into your apartment? You touched him? Yuck! Gross!" Question 8: how elitist can they get? Is being homeless a disease?
Beefcake: None. Question 9: what is the point of a gay-themed movie with no beefcake?
Other Sights: New York location shots.
Gay Characters: The guys, a gay rights canvasser, a potential hookup.
Elitism: Through the roof. Question 10: Why does everyone in this movie look down on people who are poor or Hollywood poor (middle class in the real world)?
My Grade: C.
Bonus Scott Evans after the break
"Workaholics Episode 3.19: Blake faces a line-bully, Adam faces a zombie apocalypse, and Ders and Karl touch tips
I've been watching Workaholics as comfort tv: totally upbeat, with no drama, no angst, no tragedies to work through, just humorous misunderstandings and everyday situations that spin wildly out of control. No girl-ogling or bragging about how many times they get laid, in fact very few episodes involving getting laid. Just guys together. RuPaul called it "the gayest show on television." And, in spite of what my friends (and some reviews) said, virtually no homophobia. But I found some in Episode 3.19, "In Line." The guys are planning to wait in line for the release of a new zombie apocalypse video game, but they are waylaid and have separate adventures.
1.Blake actually makes it to the line. He runs into an old Dungeons and Dragons friend , Marshall (Josh Brenner, shown here with the mega-hunk Steve Howey), and wants to cut in line, but "Mark McGrath Dude" (Adam Ray) refuses to permit it. This seems appropriate to me: cutting in line is unethical.
They leave, but Blake decides that he has had it with muscle guys pushing him around, so he returns and pulls out McGrath Dude's armpit hair.
Left: Adam Ray performing with the guys (Kyle, Blake, Ders) on the This is Important live tour.
More after the break.
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