She's stressed out because she's waiting to see if she got into the summer program at Wharton, the most prestigious business school in the world. So you're a high schooler, and the dude is your brother? I had you figured as a grown up.
"Forget college. It's the summer before your senior year. Spend it going buck wild."
Dad Steven pops in with bagels, and asks about Wharton. She gets word: "No. My dreams are shattered. It's the end of the life I've been imagining for myself." Couldn't you, like, get into a good college even without the program? On TV they're always getting into Harvard.
We finally get the girl's name: Annie.
"Now you can have fun this summer," Brother Connor says. "Why don't you go to Thailand with your 100% straight heterosexual boyfriend?"
"I can't break up with him until he's ready to come out." It's 2026. Nobody comes out. Parents just say "Someday you'll meet the man or woman of your dreams."
Scene 2: Establishing shots of New York, and then Annie's Glee-era gay-stereotype boyfriend Oliver (Luke Avoleda) asks if she wants to watch Cynthia Erivo sing "Edelweiss" at the Kennedy Center. You're super-femme, you live in New York, and you're not out? Girl, everyone has known since you were in kindergarten.
"What am I going to do all summer, now that all of my dreams have been crushed?" Annie asks.
"I don't know. Go on Anti-depressants?"
She suggests going to Thailand with him, but he doesn't like that idea. No getting his gay on with a beard hanging around.
Annie tries to get him to come out, yet again, when Brother Connor bursts into the room: "Grandpa died -- but not the one we like. Gordon, Mom's Dad, the one who was shady as fuck, and everybody hated him, so Mom and Dad cut him out of their life, and we've never met."
Scene 3: Meeting with the lawyer. Grandpa Gordon left Dad nothing. The kids get a trust, which they can access when they turn 18, and property in Canada. He also left them letters, but Dad snatches them up and won't let the kids read them. Weird family history.
Left: a professor from Toronto and his hookup.
Cut to Annie trying to sleep. She looks at a photo of their Mom, who died when she was little (of course). Why did she hate Grandpa? Why is Dad so secretive?
In the morning, she breaks into Dad's safe (never make your birthday your password), and finds dozens of letters -- Grandpa was writing to them all along.
The one that came with his will: "I'm sorry I didn't fight harder to see you. I shouldn't have agreed to the plan. I hope Sterling Point will reveal the truth. Find her." Obfuscation for its own sake. Any normal person would reveal who she is.
Downstairs, Brother Connor is being fed and smooched by his girlfriend. Gross -- I hate adults feeding each other, like they were babies. She reveals the new intel. "We have to go to Canada and investigate!"
"What for? We're adopted, so he's not even our biological grandfather."
"Ok, I'll go by myself, but cover for me. Tell Dad I went to Thailand." So Connor and the gay boyfriend won't be back?
Scene 4: On the plane, Annie pops an Ambien and asks for a blanket and a pillow, not realizing that the flight to Toronto is only 45 minutes long. Didn't she look at a map?
At the airport, drowzy, she meets Ellis (Jacob Whiteduck-Lavoie), who will be flying her to Muskoka, the island her grandpa owned. He's the one in the Heated Rivalry romance. She's afraid of the seaplane but the only other way to get there is by car, and it would take forever (the real Muskoka Lakes are just 2 1/2 hours from Toronto).
Scene 5: Establishing shots of Muskoka Island. Ellis notes that Grandpa Gordon, who owned the whole island, said that he would never rent this house, so it's weird to see Annie moving in. Isn't she the new owner?
Next question: Nope, no stores on the island, so you have to take a boat to the mainland to get groceries. You could have stocked up before leaving Toronto.
Inside, the place is a mess. Annie finds her mom's old room, and...a squatter! Nope, just squirrels bringing nuts in to store.
Next stop: The Marina, where she has to rent a boat to get to the mainland. She asks Joe the Boat Shop Guy (Negan from The Walking Dead) if he knew Gordon who owned the island. "Yes. He was great. Everybody loved him."
"Did he have...um...family around? A daughter maybe?" Terrible sleuthing, girl.
Problem: She doesn't have a driver's license (many New Yorkers don't bother, because why would you ever drive in the City? It takes five times as long as walking). Or a boater's license. So she can't rent a boat, but his son will give her a lesson. How will that help? She needs groceries now, and it will take a lot of lessons to get her license.
Wait -- the son isn't around, so the teenage Oona offers to teach her. "Oona -- beautiful name for a beautiful girl!" Sounds like we got some lesbian representation. But Annie is straight. Or was that why she was happy with a boyfriend who didn't want to do bedroom stuff -- she's not into guy parts.
"But you're a terrible boat driver!"
"No, I'm not. I can handle her," she counters, gazing at Annie. I'll bet you can...
The lesson begins. "You handle the tiller -- this thing that looks like a dick -- just like a hand job, except twist more." Are you sure you're a lesbian, Oona?
She tries it, but they start spinning in circles, and she doesn't know how to stop. Let go?
More after the break
Scene 6: Negan's son arrives. They discuss tonight's fireworks, and the girl who is renting Gordon's old place. I thought he was Rory, the other Heated Rivalry boyfriend, but this is someone else who doesn't appear in the cast list.
Left: Since Negan's son isn't in the cast list, here's another Canadian dude.
Cut to Port Carling, where Annie is buying supplies. Oona notes that she's from wherever her mom's boyfriend is: first Amsterdam, then Paris, then too long in London, and now Canada. Mom just flew off to India, but Oona decided to stay put.
I can't tell the gender of the cashier, but I think they're Sully, played by Niko Angelo Hinayo, who uses he/they pronouns. Oona mentions that she was having a three-way with their moms last night (probably kidding), and invites Sully to dinner.
Scene 7: Negan pacing, upset. He calls the lawyer to ask if the grandkids know about the island. "Yes, since they own it now. I gave them the paperwork. So, have you talked to her yet?"
"No, but I'll track her down this week."
"Well, hurry. They'll doubtless want to visit their island, and you have to get to her before they do!" What is this, Lost? Say who she is!
Cut to dinner on Oona's houseboat. She tells about the tourists who come to the island, rich, super rich, and super-rich celebrities. It's a lot, "but the parties are awesome." Plus more of "Gordon was the best! He was great!" That's not what Dad said.
Next they hang out on the beach with Ellis the Pilot from Scene 2, and have an awkward conversation about misconceptions Yanks have about Canada and the lack of cellphone coverage. If I didn't know he was going to in a heated rivalry with Daniel Quinn Toye, I'd swear they were flirting..
And by the way, her island is worth about $18 million.
Next Annie, Ellis, Oona, and Sully (left) are off to a party in Rousseau (a real town, population 288, with two restaurants and a bakery). There are more people than that in the lake house mansion.
While looking for the bathroom, Annie runs into Rory (Daniel Quinn Toye, finally), her ultra-rich friend from Manhattan, visiting with his parents. They were friends in middle school, then lost contact, although he saw her from across the room at an after-prom party last year: "You looked really beautiful." Wait -- You're supposed to be falling in love with Ellis the Pilot.
A guy named Lincoln approaches, greets Rory, but won't shake hands with Annie: "I don't dap my friends' girls." Annie tries to explain that they're not dating,, but he won't believe it. So Rory's friend thinks he's straight. Going to be coming out this summer, buddy?
Scene 8: Back home, Dad keeps calling Annie, but it goes to voicemail. He calls boyfriend Oliver, but the guy is dancing with dudes at a wild gay party.
On the boat, Rory takes Annie to see his Mom. A little soon to meet the parents, isn't it? They've been coming here every summer. They discovered the place because of Annie's parents. "Your mother was so upset that she couldn't be with you and your brother."
OMG, Mom is still alive. She must be the her that Annie is supposed to find. I thought it was going to be Grandpa Gordon's other grandchild.
Before Annie has a chance to recover from her shock, Oona pulls her away. As they get on the boat, Ellis the Pilot looks back and sneers at Rory. Wait -- did they mean "heated rivalry" as in the cliche, not the tv series? Are they going to be rivals for Annie?
Scene 9: Canada Day Fireworks. Ellis the Pilot walks Annie home. Gaze, gaze, flirt, flirt, say goodbye and look back while walking away. Uh-oh, an intruder, a teenage girl! And she wants to know what Annie is doing in her Grandpa Gordon's house. The end. I guess I was right the first time.
Beefcake: A lot of background players at the various parties. Rory and Elliot the Pilot take off their shirts in later episodes.
Canada: Most Canadian tv shows keep their country strictly closeted, for fear that American viewers will shriek in horror and change the channel, but here they mention it quite often, plus show the flag everywhere and celebrate Canada Day.
Gay Characters: I think every woman on the island is a lesbian -- even Rory's mother asks if she's ever made it with Oona -- but the only gay male-presenting person is Sully. In later episodes, he and Brother Connor flirt, but never actually date.
Queerbaiting: I wonder if the actors were queerbaiting when they talked about their "heated rivalry," or if they're so out of touch with queer culture that they neve heard of the gay hockey player show, and didn't realize that viewers would think they were falling in love with each other. Points off either way.
My Grade: A girl who visits a small town and must choose between two guys, a poor but hunky local and a rich dude from back home -- done to death. It's actually the plot of every Christmas romcom. The innumerable lesbians help, but not a lot. C+.
See also: "My Life with the Walter Boys": Five brothers, three hunks, and some "are they really gay?" mishegas
Michael Seater: The "Life with Derek" guy grows up, gets a boyfriend, and displays a Derek dick
"Never Have I Ever": Indian Teenager Meets the Bulge That Can Raise the Dead
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