Male nudity, gay romance, and queer codes in movies and television, especially "The Righteous Gemstones"
Joel Rush's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Beefcake and nude photos, including the glory hole scene, a bare butt, and a kiss
Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard. With a Michael O'Hearn frontal
After the gloomfest of The Mick, I needed something a little more upbeat. So Workaholics Episode 1.9, which was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong -- and something you can catch. Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur! We'll see.
Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right? The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso." Can't disagree with that.
Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.
Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home? Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."
Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building! The guys, watching, don't understand.. "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?" Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.
Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon! They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career. She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition. Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things. Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.) Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.
He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle. The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.
Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool (we've already established that he's a former swimming champ).
The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex? I think a big reveal is coming.
Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon. She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.
Scene 5: Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition. Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl. Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex. But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?
Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?" She is totally open to the idea.
Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"
They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft. But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims. He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkiness. What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet? It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness distracting your opponent. "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."
Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight. Maybe if they just hurl insults? Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss. And they're aroused again!
More arousal after the break
Theo James: Why is he naked all the time, and has he done anything gay-positive?
In White Lotus Season 2, Cameron and Ethan (Theo James, Will Sharpe) and their wives visit the Italian resort, and start flirting with every woman in sight, plus each other. In Episode 4, Cameron even says "I want to be inside you. I want to do stuff to you." But it is just queerbaiting; the two never lock lips. In fact, they hate each other.
You could probably figure that White Lotus, well known for its shocking homophobia, would never portray an actual gay romance. After all, it was created and written by Mike White, aka The Devil.
But Theo James is not personally homophobic; he has been interviewed an a dozen gay magazines, he wants to play a gay action-adventure hero, and he was in the running to play gay pop star George Michael. Let's check his previous work for gay roles.
The Time Traveler's Wife (2022) features (straight) lovers stymied by the guy's frequent involuntary time slips. Heterosexuals all the way down, although it does give us some nice rear and frontal nudity.
Sanditon (2019-22) is an adaption of a novel that Jane Austen left unfinished at her death in 1817. There is actually a gay character, outed in the second season. Theo plays Sidney Parker, whom focus character Charlotte love/hates with the "He's arrogant!" trope.
In the animated Castlevania (2018-21), Theo plays Hector, whose plot is propelled by that horribly cliched Dead Wife Trope.
Archive (2020)? Another guy with a Dead Wife, who he tries to recreate with an android. Yawn. I'm beginning to think that it will be tired cliches as well as heterosexuals all the way down. Are the butts and dicks worth the trouble?
Lying and Stealing (2019)? Caper romance between two thieves.
How it Ends (2018)? "In the midst of an Apocalypse, a man struggles to reach his pregnant fiance, who is a thousand miles away." That's actually the motive behind about half of the characters on The Walking Dead: "I'm looking for my wife!"
Before The White Lotus, Theo was most famous for the Divergent series, four movies set in a teen dystopia where people are classified according to their primary virtue: Candor, Dauntless, Erudite, Abnegation, and Amity. He plays Four, a Dauntless instructor who romances focus character Beatrice.
Ok, let's try Theo's future projects. In the upcoming The Gentleman (2024), he plays Eddie Halsted, who inherits his father's estate without realizing that it is the front for a drug empire. And he...falls in love...with...
I give up.
Bonus: Theo dick after the break
"Sun in My Mouth": A depressed twink rides the subway, has explicit sex. And what he's been up to lately.
While looking at random cocks on AZ Nude Men, I came across Sun in My Mouth, with Artem Shcherbakov as a skinny, dissolute-looking twink who takes off his clothes on the beach while looking depressed, and then returns to his empty apartment to j/o on the phone while looking depressed. Photos after the break
Black and white, extremely washed out, amateurish, with random close-ups of body parts and nonsequiter images. It looked like one of those 1960s "stag films," or one of the early Gay Liberation movies like A Very Natural Thing. But it is dated 2010.
Extremely mysterious. Russia is a puritanical country. How was it even permitted? And what is the meaning of "sun in my mouth?" A Russian proverb?
According to the IMDB, "It's a film about how we attempt to connect and understand other people by understanding ourselves."
I couldn't find the film itself, but the trailer is very artistic/experimental, black and white. Artem rides a subway -- wait, those signs are in English -- walks on the beach, takes off his clothes, broods, goes home to an empty apartment, and beats off with a phone sex operator.
Is it even Russian? Jessica Yatrovsky has nothing else listed on the IMDB. The phone sex operator is played by Andrew Yang -- not a Russian name.
A man. So this is a gay film? So Artem is depressed because he's struggling to come out?
Artem has only one other acting role listed on the IMDB, A Four Letter Word, 2007: "hook-up artist Luke considers becoming monogamous" for the "smug and handsome" Stephen (Jesse Archer, Charlie David). He is listed as Vlad.
His Linkedin says that he is the founder of ROAR Games and Zheeshee in Brooklyn.
His Facebook says that he was born in Minsk, Belorussia. He attended Fort Hamilton High School in Brooklyn and Touro College, where he majored in psychology. He married Brian in 2021 and now lives in Washington DC.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Gemstones Season 3 Finale: Kelvin and Keefe married? Pontius a Dark Lord? Peter redeemed through the Redeemer? With bonus Kelvin cock
Fifty million Frenchmen can't be straight: Eight Bayeux boyfriends, Aix amis, and Parisian cocombres
1. The Ballet School at the Opera National.
Go in the winter -- no crowds. On Christmas Eve, the Louvre is deserted.
2. A Turkish musician
3. On the train
Shakespeare and Company on the Left Bank, my favorite place in Paris. Well, aside from that bar near the Centre Pompidou...
4. Garz dans le placard -- guy in the closet
More après la pause -- after the break. Caution: explicit.
John Amos: Kunta Kinte, Gordy the Weatherman, James Evans, a gay husband, and my gym buddy
Former footballer and coast guardsman John Amos was everywhere on television in the 1970s and 1980s.
The adult Kunta Kinte in Roots (1977).
Left: Levar Burton played the young Kunta Kinte.
Gordy the Weatherman on The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970-77).
I didn't see much of him during the 80s and 90s -- not on screen, anyway. We went to the same gym in West Hollywood.
Bumper in Berlin Episode 1.1: Bumper from "Pitch Perfect" sings, meets a hunk, and doesn't get The Girl. Plus Morris Bleibtreu's butt
Remember Bumper, the a capella jerk from Pitch Perfect, played by Adam Devine? In November 2022, he spun off into his own tv series, Bumper in Berlin.
The only other male character in the regular cast is Pieter Kramer (Flula Borg, below). Not many opportunities for buddy-bonding gay subtexts here, but Adam is one of most handsome men on Earth, and Flula is one of the most muscular, so maybe I'll watch with the sound off just for the face and physique. Besides, the episodes have cute German titles like Backpfeifengesicht (face in need of a fist -- sounds like Bumper).
Scene 1: Bumper singing a capella with some old guys. "Baby, I'll show you how a real queen behaves." Not necessary -- I've seen Kelvin. "You may think I'm weak without a sword, but if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours." Tell me more about your...um, sword, Bumper.
"If all the kings had queens on their throne, we'd toast champaign...I'll be your queen." Girlfriend, that's as homoerotic as a song gets. Did you forget that you're not playing Kelvin?
Lights go up. This is a rehearsal for Bumper's new group, the Tonehangers. They'll be performing at a retirement center next month. Whoa, the old people won't know what hit them.
The other guys have to go -- wives, kids, stuff to do. Bumper claims that he has stuff to do, too, but actually he's all alone. I hate the heterosexist equation of wife and kids with success, but I'll give it a pass due to the homoerotic song. And he's working as a security guard at his old college but he's still planning on becoming a famous singer, somehow. Bummer, Bumper.
Scene 2: Bumper is locking up as part of his security guard duties, when he gets a phone call from Germany: a fan of his college performances and his recent appearances on game shows and Tik-Tok. "Wait -- how do you know all this?" Bumper asks, horrified. "Are you a pervert?" Come on, dude, any fan would know those things. I know that Adam was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Well, to be fair, I just remember it because my home town is nearby.
"I'm a pervert for talent," the voice says --revealed to be Pieter Kramer. "We have met before." Turns out that he belonged to Das Sound Machine, a rival a capella group. "You are a big Tik Tok star in Germany." His TikTok involved making funny faces while singing the very sad song "Neun und neunsig Luftballon." "You got 7.6 million views!"
"That's like a million views!" Bumper exclaims.
Pieter wants him to move to Berlin and become his client. "It's all happening!" he exclaims. "All of those failures were worth it, because now I'll never fail again." Har-har.
Scene 3: Bumper arrives at a horrible, graffiti-filled, run-down building in Berlin. Pieter greets him. They hug; Bumper is so excited that he won't let go, but to his credit, Pieter does not recoil in homophobic contempt.
Upstairs to his horrible office with a window facing the train tracks. Pieter's assistant Heidi arrives: Sarah Hylund, who played Adam's girlfriend on Modern Family! I guess we know where the sparks will fly.
An American, an airhead, she gives him American cheese (almost impossible to find in Germany) and a caffeine pill (to avoid jet lag). Sparks fly.
Pieter has prepared a comic strip of Bumper's path to superstardom, culminating in a gig as "the hottest new singer" at German Unity Day in two months.
Scene 4: The three walking through Brandenburg Gate, getting a sandwich from a food truck: "It's made with dead animals." "Oh, it's meat."
They arrive at the horrible youth hostel where Bumper will be staying. The scary lady manager scowls at him: "I truly am meeting you." Har-har. They want to leave him alone in his horrible dorm to "get some rest," but he wants to go with them: "I'll get nervous if I'm alone." And scared of the scary lady?
A Techno-Goth Club after the break
BJ's Angels: A "Charlie's Angels" parody starring Joel Rush and Skyler Gisondo. With a guest appearance by Adam Devine
For this parody, you need to know that Kelvin and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones could never call themselves "boyfriends" or use the word "gay."
BJ: Do you know how hard it is to come up with scenarios that get you guys out of your clothes for extended periods? Lifeguard, surfing instructor, stripper, underwear tester, and that's about it.
Jake Kelley's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: The Maniac K*d and his buff buds and hung homies
In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.1, we flash back to 1968, when the young Eli Gemstone (Jake Kelley) is working as a professional wrestler named the Maniac K*d, and, later, a hired goon for promoter Glendon Marsh.
The Maniac K*d's backside
He is best friends with Glendon's son, Junior (Tommy Nelson), who will reappear in 2022 his life as a long-lost friend, potential enemy, and possible ex-lover. Pictured: Ross Lynch.
Jake Kelley had his tv debut as the young Eli, but he and two friends, Mavro Diamante and Harrison Chandler (below), were co-presidents of Steal the Sun Productions, producing "web-series, documentaries, and award-nominated short films."
In 2023, Jake wrote, produced, and starred in Dogwood, a miniseries about a screenwriter -- Mavro; a director -- Harrison; and an actor -- guess who?
"You're the Worst," Episode 5.6: Is Jimmy hooking up with his buddy? Is Rapper Sam still bi? Is Dax a gay porn star?
Recently American comedies have been breaking the longstanding rule that sitcom characters have to be nice, the sort of people you'd want to invite into your home in real life. Of course, the British have been doing it for years, but in the U.S. it's so uncommon that it still comes as a jolt to see someone who isn't very likeable in a sitcom.
You're the Worst, on Hulu, warns you in advance. Jimmy and Gretchen (Chris Geere, Aya Cash) are horrible, amoral people who dislike each other (well, except in the bedroom) and pursue a five-season long romance culminating in a series-finale wedding. The B-plots usually involve the marital squabbles of another amoral couple who dislike each other, Edgar and Lindsay (Desmin Borges, Kether Donohue).
I already reviewed an episode where rapper Sam Dresden gets cancelled for using the f*-word, but turns out to be ok with gay men -- they're good at sucking. To see if he is still bisexual or straight-but-open-to-oral interests, I reviewed Episode 5.6, "This Brief Fermata." According to the Google AI, "A fermata is a musical symbol indicating that a note should be held longer than its normal duration."
Scene 1: Jimmy and Gretchen are planning the table seating for their wedding reception, but Paul, Allan McLeod, is too boring to be placed. They deserve a break from the drudgery of planning the wedding. Jimmy suggests Fuck Week, a week where they can have sex with whoever they want. He is surprised that Gretchen is so quick to agree.
Scene 2: Monday. At her job at the public relations firm, Gretchen checks out the hunk bulges and butts. Assistant Lindsay notes a problem with Rapper Sam, Brandon Mychal Smith: his new track is bad, "Vietnam bad."
But Gretchen doesn't care: it's Fuck Week, so she and Lindsay can go "day dicking" like they used to, at the Museum of Tolerance and Barney's Beanery -- wait, the notorious "Fagots keep out" joint?
First she has to sign up the new guy, Nok Nok -- Lou Taylor Pucci, top photo. She figures he's so spaced-out, he'll be easy to snare, but he wants to hear the full pitch -- "Strategy, targets, concept art." Uh-oh, she'll have to do work instead of getting dick.
Scene 3: Tuesday: Gretchen and Jimmy eat Chinese food while watching Nok Nok's videos and trying to come up with a pitch. Jimmy has lipstick on his collar -- he's already successfully gotten laid. Wait -- Buddy Edgar brings him a drink and gazes lustfully, but Jimmy shakes his head. Did they have sex, or is Edgar offering?
Cut to Wednesday: Gretchen revealing her pitch to Nok Nok. He doesn't like it: how about a hard-scrabble life? He was on the street at age 15, and he's a single dad?
Assistant Lindsay went out dicking yesterday, and she, too successfully got laid. By the way, Rapper Sam is angry because his new, terrible track hasn't seen any radio play yet. But screw it: Gretchen is going to forget about work and get some dick.
Scene 4: Thursday. Jimmy comes in with a hickey, having gotten laid again. Another lustful gaze from Buddy Edgar. Are they going at it? Gretchen is still working.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit