Matthew Beem hitchhikes naked, takes a polar plunge, builds secret rooms to spy on his internet star friends. With four of their d*cks

 I grew up before the internet, so I instinctively think of entertainment as books, movies, and tv programs written and performed by professionals and distributed by corporations. But there's a whole world out there of short form, amateur videos that I had no idea existed. 

Topper Guild posts stories about saving his friend from an evil cult, surviving the strictest school in the world, and so on to his 88 million subscribers.

Matthew Beem, who has "only" eight million subscribers, does wacky DIY projects, like turning his room into a fishbowl, or a building a minecraft maze for his hamster. 

The first two episodes of his Hulu series, Matthew Beem Creator Essentials, introduced me to more multi-million subscriber Internet stars.

 

Episode 1: Matthew renovates iShowSpeed's tour bus, and adds a secret room so he can spy on the dude as he...um...does things.  He's discovered almost immediately, but still, I have to wonder, what was he hoping to see?

IShowSpeed, real name Darren Jason Watkins, Jr. started with gaming, and moved into livestreaming and rap music, gaining 53 million subscribers. He has livestreamed in 67 countries. The Speed Goes Pro tour ended with a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. 

Plus he's won about a dozen Streamer Awards.  And posted pictures of his d*ck. Maybe that's what Matthew wanted to see in his secret room.

In Episode 2. Matthew and his crew do some home improvement projects for his internet star friends:

A custom dog house for Salish Matter, who started with posts about her daily skincare routine, gaining 3.5 million subscribers.  She started her own skincare brand at age 16, and also posts about gymnastics and family "matters" with her father, Jordan (here being pranked by another youtuber).

Next Matthew and his crew create  a gaming room for the Costco Guys, including mock-ups of their Juiceful packages, a giant chocolate chip cookie, and the world's biggest Pokemon card. 

More after the break

Tristan Borders pushed up the queer codes as Young Kelvin Gemstone, but what about his other roles? With twink butt and Cleveland cock

  

For a long time, I've been wanting to do a profile of Tristan Borders, who played the young Kelvin in the flashback episodes of The Righteous Gemstones, and gave us so many intentional and unintentional clues to Kelvin's sexual identity -- more than Adam Devine himself, back when most fans were still yelling "He's not gay, just sensitive!"  

In the Season 2 flashback to 1993, four year old Kelvin has two dolls in his bedroom and a Muscle and Fitness cover taped to his wall (not this photo).

In the Season 3 Interlude, a flashback to the summer of 2000, eleven-year old Kelvin complains that his sister forces him to come to the mall with her, to act as a distraction while she shoplifts.  She also criticizes him for having "a tiny little doll pecker," starting an obsession with his size that will bedevil Kelvin through his life and, in 2023, make him reluctant to begin bedroom activities with his boyfriend Keefe.

Young Kelvin also wears a t-shirt with hibiscus flowers in the colors of the Pride Flag.

In the Season 4 Interlude, set in the summer of 2003, Young Kelvin is obviously gay, with a number of feminine mannerisms and an interest in teen idols.  He is a snob and a jerk, constantly denigrating his siblings and their friend Corey.  In a pivotal scene, he is alone in the house when Cobb breaks in to destroy things and steal the family heirloom Gold Bible.

Tristan doesn't have a social media presence, and there's no biographical information online, so all I can use for a profile are his other roles on the iMDB.

His career begins with two episodes of American Rust (2021), with a rust-belt police chief investigating the murder of flawed, troubled cop Pete Novick (Jim Frost, butt left).  Tristan plays Pete's son.

Then two episodes of The First Lady (2022), about three first ladies: Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama. Tristan plays John Roosevelt (1916-91), young son of Franklin (queer actor Charlie Plummer) and Eleanor (gay in real life).

More after the break

16 hot/hung Gemstone guest stars, from Semen Load Blair to Purple Dildo Nick

Since we're winding down the recaps of The Righteous Gemstones, I thought I'd post a list of my favorite Gemstone extras and guest stars, guys who appeared in only one or two scenes, but still made a big impression.  

And a bigger impression when I checked on their other roles and physique photos.

1.  Blair Jackson, the Semen Load Thug.  The boyfriend of Dot Nancy, who Kelvin and Keefe are trying to draw away from Satan.  Keefe finds a used condom, and when Blair approaches, says "I bet that was his semen load."  Modeling and nude photos.

2. Dakare Chatman. A member of Kelvin's youth group, and later the guy who buys Junior's illegal gambling operation.  The actor is gay.

3. Jak Kristowski (left). Appears with Pontius when he is sent to the Citadel, a military college in Charleston.  Then his scene was cut, but he still showed us his stuff.

3. Braxton Alexander (left).  A boy who rejects the teenage Judy.  To get even, teenage Jesse pulls down his pants, revealing his butt and cock to the school.  And this is a humiliation because....

5. Ian Winningkoff.  The teenage Cousin Chuck Montgomery appears in two scenes.  I don't remember if he has any lines.  Cute but straight.

6. Cullen Moss (left).  The security guard who flirts with Scotty, and later is shown reading a muscle magazine.  Nude photos from another tv series or movie.

7. Gogo Lomo-David.  The probably-gay brother of homophobic rival megachurch pastor Vance Simkins. Gay in real life.

8. The Naked Thugs.  Three guys hired by the evil Rev. Seasons to destroy Eli's satellite church.  Eli captures them and forces them to run naked through the mall.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Olly Rhodes: Two soap opera murderers, one with a bare bum, two gay teens, one just coming out, and two cocks.

 

I decided to profile Olly Rhodes (no relation to Robert Rhodes) based on this photo on the teen idol site: black and white, grinning shyly at his boyfriend.  Olly is either gay in real life or is playing a gay character.

Olly grew up in Scarborough, a seaside town in Yorkshire, and graduated from the Pendleton School of Theater (like a secondary school in the U.S.),  in 2021.  

He moved directly into the role of Joseph Holmes on the soap Hollyoakes (2021-22).  His parents discover that he is having a secret romance with his foster sister, Vicky, so they send her away -- to Hollyoakes.  Joseph follows, to continue abusing Vicky and terrorize her good buddy, DeMarcus, presuming that they are secetly dating.

He shows his bare bum in his first on-screen role.

Later he murders police officer Saul Reeves (Chris Charles, left), and frames DeMarcus to get him out of the way.  But he kept Saul's ring, which leads to his arrest and confession.  He leaves the series crying in his jail cell.

After guest spots in The Last Kingdom and All Creatures Great and Small, Olly was cast in a recurring role on Waterloo Road (2024-25).  He plays headmaster's son Billy Savage, who is bedeviled by the bully and child abuse survivor Schuey  (Zak Sutcliffe, right).  Don't worry, Olly states that they became good friends off-camera.

After numerous incidents, Billy sets a wire trap across a road, so Schuey will be thrown off his bike and humiliated.  But he accidentally catches -- and kills -- Schuey's non-bullying sidekick Boz.  

Dad plants evidence in Schuey's locker so he'll be blamed for the murder, but eventually he and Billy are both arrested, and leave the series. 

Departures (2025) sounds like one of those "dying of AIDS" tearjerkers from the 1980s, but the title refers to the departures gate at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, where Benji and Jake (Lloyd Eyre-Morgan, David Tag) meet and fall in love.  

Olly plays the teenage Benji.  The trailer shows him kissing his boyfriend, but it goes by too fast to get a screenshot.

More after the break

Nick Stahl: A career of playing scarred, traumatized teens, with being gay as one of the traumas. Plus zombies, DeKay dick, and a glory hole

 In the summer of 2001, everybody in the East Village was talking about Bully, starring 22-year old Nick Stahl.  The South Florida teenager beats his friend Marty (Brad Renfro) until he is unconscious, sexually assaults him, and humiliates him by forcing him to become an entertainer in a gay bar. They even make a porn video to sell at adult bookstores.

 Bobby also rapes Marty's girlfriend Ali, while forcing her to watch gay porn, and when his own girlfriend Lisa announces that she is pregnant with Marty's child, watch out!  The three friends set out to murder him, with the help of Ali's new sex buddy (Michael Pitt).

It was not a pretty movie -- girl parts outnumber boy parts ten to one, and the gay world is portrayed as unfailingly sordid and decadent.  Nevertheless, every gay magazine -- In Touch, XY, The Advocate -- gave it a favorable review as a cautionary tale about the effects of internalized homophobia.  If only Bobby had the guts to come out...

Nick was born in Harlingen, Texas, in 1979 (Texas...ugh!), moved to L.A. in 1992, and was cast in a few small roles before his big break, playing opposite the then-famous Mel Gibson in The Man Without a Face (1993).  The Man and the boy are both gay in the original novel by Isabelle Holland, but straight in the movie.

My Son is Innocent (1996), Eye of God (1997), Promised Land (1997), and Disturbing Behavior (1998) cast Nick as scarred, traumatized, victimized, violent teenagers, leading to Bully.  Afterwards he did a horror movie (Taboo, 2002) and a true crime (Bookies, 2003), but found himself being schtupped by manipulative older women ( In the Bedroom), having sex with men but denying being gay (Twist), or raping and murdering young girls (Sin City). Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) must have come as a welcome relief.

In the Terminator mythos, John Connor manages to save the human world after it is destroyed by a sentient internet, so Arnold Schwarzenegger is sent back in time (naked) to kill him.  In T3, he returns (naked) as an ally, to protect young adult John and his future wife Kate (who is unfortunately engaged to someone else). 

Nick was the second actor to play John Connor.  There have been several others, including Thomas Dekker (left) and Christian Bale.

Carnivale (2023-25) features paranormal beings working in a carnival during the Dust Bowl of Depression-era Oklahoma.  Nick plays Ben Hawkins, a farmer, chain gang fugitive, and healer who joins the carnival and eventually becomes an Avatar of Light.  He's heterosexual, but one of his girlfriends, Sofie, is a lesbian.

Tim DeKay (left) plays Jonesy, who runs the ferris wheel, and Michael J. Anderson, the backwards-talking dwarf on Twin Peaks, his boss, Samson.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"The Dating Game": A Barbie-obsessed bi Thai guy falls for the boss at his gaming company. With two gay romances and some Thai d*cks

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You are invited to Kelvin and Keefe's wedding, with 10 new scenes and exclusive photos from the honeymoon

 

Here are some additional scenes from the event of the year, wedding of Kelvin Gemstone (Adam Devine) and Keefe Chambers (Tony Cavalero), on The Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.9

1. The cover of the wedding program.

2. Martin, the church accountant: "Once upon a time, there were two  princes who fell in love."  The family applauds.

3. Sola, the nanny for Baby Billy and Tiffany's children: "Alles gutes zum Hochzeitstag." (Happy Wedding Day).

4. Nephew Pontius: "Hey, Uncle Kelvin and Uncle Keefe. I hope you guys have a great marriage. Don't f*k too hard, ok?"

5. Nephew Gideon: "What Pontius is trying to say is, let your love... may your love be a blessing."  Looks like he is vaping.

Pontius clarifies:  "Let your love be deep and hard...deep and hard.  Best wishes, guys."

6. Kelvin and Keefe dance. Keefe does The Worm.  He lifts Kelvin in his arms.

7. The nephews spin around and blow bubbles. 

8. We see other family members: BJ, Judy, and Amber.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Aaron Moody: Who has the monster cock, the Nip/Tuck fratboy or the Swindon reserve goal keeper? With two butts and a lot of monster cocks

 

I swear, I did it right this time.  Searching for short videos on the nude celebrity site, I found Aaron Moody displaying an enormous cock.  So big that it was rather shocking, and I've seen a lot of them.

I've been fooled before with videos of non-actors, so I immediately checked the IMDB, and found that Aaron Moody had six acting roles.  His professional resume listed several more.

Ok, we were good to go on a profile.

Aaron was born on December 18, 1979 in Grants Pass, Oregon, in the far south of the state, near the California border.  As a teenager he had starring roles in The Tell Tale Heart, Philadelphia Here I Come, and Twelfth Night.  After graduating from high school in 1998, he moved to Los Angeles, took acting lessons, and started auditioning.

In 2000 his commercial for the Volkswagon Cabrio won a Cleo Award, and hit #48 on the Cosmo list of "Sexiest Stuff Ever."  The guy and his girlfriend drive their Cabrio through the darkness to a house party, where everyone is impressed.

Aaron's tv debut came the same year, on an episode of Crime Strike: a recreation of real-life events where "heroic citizens" used guns to defend themselves against aggressors. Sounds like a validation of the Tough on Crime Movement, which gave the U.S. the highest incarceration rate in the world.

Next came a short, The Truth about Beef Jerky (2002): Count Nugent (a parody of singer Ted Nugent) lures a group of hippies with the promise of a music festival, but he and his right-wing pals are really going to kill the "deviants" and turn them into beef jerky.  

The short is available for streaming on Youtube: Aaron plays the hackey-sack playing Paul, who is eviscerated by Count Nugent's arrows.  

Filmmaker Fritz Junker was definitely on the side of the hippies: "I spent six months researching Nugent's lifestyle. He's a total and complete lunatic."

Aaron's next major on-screen role came in a 2005 episode of the plastic-surgery show Nip/Tuck: Christian is called in to perform emergency surgery on a fraternity hazing ritual gone wrong: Alex (Aaron) and another pledge had their cheeks super-glued to the butt of Derek (Adam Henderschott). 

I went through the entire episode on fast-forward, to see if Aaron returns.  Later Christian (Julian McMahon, top photo) shows his butt, savagely criticizes a guy for being bisexual, says that his girlfriend is "my property" (she agrees), and tells us that "the traditional ways are the best: marriage should consist of one man and one woman."  Holy cow, the guy is a sexist, homophobic bigot. Apparently the show was well known for its homophobia.

In 2006 Aaron played a dialogue replacement actor in John Tucker Must Die and a reporter in Love, Hollywood Style: "four intertwining stories filled with fantasy, set in the entertainment industry on Valentine's Day."  I haven't found a plot synopsis online.

Next came two plays: 

The Speed of Darkness: Two Vietnam veterans have a terrible secret that could destroy their lives (no, it's not being gay).

Thursday: A drama about a lady who lost her leg in the London bombing.

And two short films:

Chope (2007): A young man deals with the death of his mother.

Cessation (2009): Matt (Ben Shields) thinks that he met the Girl of His Dreams, but she turns into a monster.

And "loop group" for Adventures in Appletown (2009), starring Cole and Dylan Sprouse from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

The monster cock after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Operation Taco Gary's: A gay porn star, Keefe, the "American Pie" guy, the cock that got censored, tacos, and aliens. And everybody's gay.

 

Tony Cavalero (yes, I still follow his Instagram) announced that Operation Taco Gary's, which he completed in 2023, has finally found a broadcast home, on Amazon Prime. I've been waiting for this for awhile, so here goes:

Scene 1: As the radio announces the death of actor Jason Biggs (best known for the American Pie franchise), a guy runs through the woods in his underwear, holding a book or a box.  He yells "F*k you, Biggs!"

Flashback to the child Bulge Guy and his buddy or brother trying to destroy their neighborhood.  As an old fat guy sunbathes in s Speedo, child Bulge Guy accidentally pushes his buddy into a wall, knocking him out. He runs away, past a sign saying "Moving sale. Please buy my stuff." 

Scene 2: In a run-down house, a guy is lying on the bed, despondent, while his roommate or boyfriend, Luke (Dustin Milligan), sells off their stuff. They're moving to Ottawa. Wait -- the moving sale is in the present. What about the kids?  They weren't Bulge Guy and his buddy?

Someone asks about a painting of the Pope eating dinner with Big Foot.  "It's not mine.  I'm basically Jewish."

"That's not true," a voice calls from another room.  "I've seen his penis.  Ample foreskin. His dick looks like the head of a baby elephant."  

It's Bulge Guy, Luke's long-lost brother!  He's a conspiracy theorist who lives off the grid, and he brought the painting because the Catholic Church is supressing evidence of Bigfoot.

They discuss Luke's move to Canada.  "You got a girlfriend  up there?"

"No.  I wish." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 7.  "I'm a new paleontology researcher. I start on Monday."

Bulge Guy guilts his way into an invitation to come along.  Who was the roommate despondent over Luke leaving?  Maybe a random person trying out the bed?  A little confusing, director!.

Scene 3: Driving to Canada on narrow country roads through the woods.  On the radio: "Jason Biggs' death has been ruled a homicide"  Bulge Guy looks suspicious.

Left: Research reveals that Bulge Guy is played by Simon Rex, unrecognizeable from his early days in gay-ish porn.

They stop at Taco Gary's for lunch.  Bulge Guy claims that his days of scamming the Portuguese mafia out of Taiwanese ketamine are over.  He just wants to be a good brother.

Cut to the police breaking into Luke's empty house.  They find a Taco Gary's wrapper and conclude that Luke is now helping Bulge Guy. 

Scene 4: An ugly guy with a physique that's um...well, I'm sure he has a nice cock.  He awakens, brushes his teeth, and heads to the dentist office to protest the practice of putting microchips in our teeth.   

Getting gas nearby, Luke and Bulge Guy see him. So he's going to join the team?

Uh-oh, Bulge Guy sees a car, rushes over, and accosts the old lady driving with a hunting knife. He shows her a taco, and refers to the "TG Truce of '21."  She doesn't know what he's talking about.  "Sorry, I mistook you for a member of the Coalition."

While he's gone, Luke checks his backpack and finds that Bulge Guy is not taking is meds.

Scene 5: They zoom off.  Hey, what about the ugly guy with the sign?  You spent so much time showing him getting dressed, I thought he would be a major character.  

Luke confronts Bulge Guy for not taking his meds, destroying his cell phone, and attacking the old lady.   He can't accommodate his brother's craziness anymore, and orders him out of the car.  But Bulge Guy gives him an injection that knocks him out, and drags him into the woods.

Scene 6: He awakens at night, by a campfire, remembers what happened, and tries to run away, but Bulge Guy injects him again.  And a third time. Just tie him up, dude.

Bulge Guy explains: he needs Luke's identity to sneak into Canada.  He's already stolen Luke's passport, wallet, and car keys, so he can't say no. "You'll get them back when we cross the border, and you'll still be in Ottawa in time for your new job."  How are both of them going to get into Canada with the same passport?

He gives Luke a high-tech, alien-made homing device to use instead of a government-hacked cell phone.

"This is a Rubik's Cube painted black."

Uh-oh, the cops have found their car!  Bulge Guy yells "We are armed and extremely dangerous!"  They approach with guns pulled.  Run!

They run. Luke and the two cops all hurt their ankles on the same log (not funny, painful to watch). 

They stumble across a white-haired guy camping, and by taking off his pants, Bulge Guy convinces him to give them a ride. So he liked your bulge?  

"By the way, I've kidnapped my brother, and I'm forcing him to help me against his will."

"No problem," White-Haired Guy says, no doubt thinking that they both must have big cocks.

Scene 7: They stop at a gym and ride the mechanical bull while waiting for a badger (someone who helps you illegally cross the border).  She descends the stairs in slow motion while Luke gapes in Girl of My Dreams squishiness. I was wondering when he would meet The Girl.

She actually works at the gym, at the smoothie bar.  While they are talking, Bulge Guy tells Luke, "I know that look. You're sexually attracted to her, aren't you?"  Hey, that will ruin his chances with The Girl.

Turns out that she's not really a badger.   But she has nothing else to do today, and Bulge Guy always has "crazy, fun" ideas, so why not?

More after the break

Khemjira: A Thai shaman and his students find boyfriends, with a "Power Ranger" demon, muscular ghosts, magic bees, a play, and penises

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