Pablo the Penguin's penis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and some cock shots

 

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a butt shot on Insecure.

 But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his penis. 

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Jake is second from the left.  Notice David Henrie of Wizards of Waverly Place on the right.

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His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets naked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Boots: A gay teen and his straight buddy join the Marines. In 1990. With other gay characters, all the beefcake you could hope for, and at least 3 cocks

 

Boots on Netflix, not to be confused with Boots: The Musical or Das Boot , is advertised as the last series by Norman Lear, who produced some of the greatest hip sitcoms of the 1970s: All in the Family, The Jeffersons, One Day at a Time, Maude, Mary Hartman.  It's based on The Pink Marine by Greg Cope, his memoir of joining the Marines as a closeted gay kid in 1990.

My parents all but insisted that I join the army after high school, but I figured that it would be impossible.  Memories of the 1990s, plus gay characters and beefcake -- I'm in. Episode 1, "The Pink Marine":

Scene 1: 1990.  In the recruiting office, Cameron (Miles Heizer) is asked why he wants to be a Marine.  "Um...for freedom and America?"  The real reason: he's being bullied to death. 

Narrating, Cam goes back to the beginning.  Montage of his birth, toddler years, getting beat up, lifting weights, a penis, David Hasselhoff, Medieval knights.  "What if you're not who everybody says you're supposed to be?" 

Mom advises him to be more masculine. Brother Benjy, to not be such a p*ssy.  Getting his head shoved in a toilet at graduation.  Complaining about having to stay closeted.  Sounds like everybody knows you're gay, buddy.

His inner self interrupts and asks him to "stop being afraid, and just be yourself.  Our place is out there."  So you're joining the Marines? I moved to West Hollywood.

Scene 2:  Close up of the shoes of Cameron's only friend, Ray (Liam Oh),  as they eat at an outdoor restaurant. He's going to join the Marines, where they have the "buddy system": if you join with a friend, you stay together.  

"But they don't allow gays in the military."  

"So you'll just  pretend to be straight."  Wait -- does this mean that Ray is straight?  I remember 1980: you didn't come out to any straight person, ever.  If they found out by accident, they would drop you instantly.  

Cameron considers the idea.  He can't afford college, and his only other option is Bismarck, North Dakota (move to West Hollywood?).  Besides, he wants to stay with Ray.

Scene 3: Back to the recruitment office: "Boot camp is a machine that turns boys into men. In 13 weeks you won't even recognize yourself."

"Sounds great.  Let's do it."

Scene 4:  Parris Island, South Carolina. The boot camp bullying begins immediately, as Drill Instructor Knox (Zach Roerig) screams for the recruits to get off the bus. Drill Sergant McKimmon introduces himself --by yelling and insulting them ("a bunch of f*king degenerates).  This triggers Cameron.  Actually, it's starting to trigger me.

They call their "next of kin" to say that they arrived safely.  But they have to follow the script.  A guy who deviates has to do push-ups.

Next come haircuts, punishment for smiling at each other, dinner (forced to retrieve food that he threw away and eat it, gross!) , new uniforms (lots of beefcake).  

Uh-oh, Cam can't find his boots, so he's forced to go barefoot. That must be the reason for the title of the series.

Next, Drill Instructor Knox forces them to run to their bunk room and make their beds fast. He yells at Ray for being Asian, and forces the recruit who stole Cam's boots to do push-ups.

Another recruit flirts with Cam.

Back home, Older Brother is watching a public-domain 1930s cartoon.  Mom was too drunk to notice when Cody mentioned that he was joining the Marines, so she is shocked when she gets his phone message. 

Scene 5: Night.  Cameron sneaks out to go to the bathroom, and finds another recruit pleasuring himself (maybe do it in your bunk under the covers, like every other guy who sleeps in a dorm room?).  He sees Cam watching and calls him a homophobic slur. 

Cam runs back to his bunk and tells Buddy Ray that he made a mistake, he's got to get out of here.  It was an all-purpose slur, Princess -- he didn't really think you were gay.   

"It's hard on everyone," Ray answers. "I got a racist breathing down my neck."  

Scene 6: Drill Instructors Howlitt and Knox come in with trash can lids to wake up the recruits. Ochoa (Johnathan Nieves) gets yelled at for having an erection (not visible on screen).  He may be the one who flirted with Cam.

Cam gets bullied for not shaving properly, and later is asked if he has a girl back home. "She dumped me.  She's a Communist."  

Time for the strength test, which involves sit-ups and running, where he bonds with the fat guy John Bowman (Blake Burt). He joined because it's family tradition.

Next, you have to do at least three pull ups, or you're out.  Cam sees his chance: he pretends that he can't do any, but then he wants to encourage John Bowman, so he does his three, and stays in.   The Drill Sergeant allows them to hug and yell, as  long as they say "ooray" instead of "hooray."  

More after the break

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the Erotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone.

Previous: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

Stacy awoke with Pontius' arms wrapped around him, his head on Pontius' chest, and his hand cupping his butt cheek.  Pontius was aroused, rock hard, his gorgeous cock rising into the air like a flagpole!  Stacy couldn't help reaching down to stroke it.  

"Mmm...keep doing that."  His eyes still closed, Pontius took Stacy's hand and helped him squeeze harder.  

"Sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"I try not to sleep when you're lying in my arms.  I don't want to miss any of it."  He leaned up, and they kissed, both of them hard and pressing together.

"Good morning."  Pontius' gaze was intense, yet warm, comforting, loving.  

"I love you," Stacy said.

Instead of saying "I love you" back, Pontius moved down and started sucking his cock!  "Well, this says love, doesn't it?," he thought as Pontius' tongue darted around the head, and his lips moved up and down the shaft.  Or maybe it doesn't.  It says that he likes cocks.

Suddenly Pontius leapt out of bed.  "Be right back -- gotta pee."  He bounced to the bathroom, his cock still sticking out in front of him.

 While listening to the pee-sounds  -- why was that erotic?  -- Stacy looked around the room: New dresser, desk cluttered with books and headphones, a map of the world taped to the wall, drawings of car designs, a bookcase with mostly Matchbox car models, three dusty guitars that no one had ever used, a glowing neon P.  

Pontius had replaced a poster of a bikini babe with a muscleman because Stacy asked him to, and cleared a drawer for some shirts, socks, and underwear, but it was still his room, Pontius with capital P, in the house he shared with his brother. 

They met last July, when Stacy was shot in the Gator Farm Massacre, and Pontius visited him at the hospital.  Since they, they had hung out almost every day.  

There were movies, concerts, plays, Queer Youth Game Nights. dinner at Jason's Steakhouse after church, volunteer work, a Halloween Party, Thanksgiving with Stacy's family, Christmas with the Gemstones, New Year's Eve in Myrtle Beach -- yet whenever Stacy hinted at moving in together, or getting their own place, Pontius deflected, changed the subject, or bounced out of the room, and God forbid he say "I love you."  Did he think of Stacy as a boyfriend or a buddy? 

Sound of the water running, a towel being yanked, and then Pontius rushed out of the bathroom.  How was he still aroused?  

"So, what were we talking about?"

"Me on my stomach, I think," Stacy said.

"No, on your back. I want to look at you."

More after the break

How fans deny queerness in "The Righteous Gemstones" and other tv series. With examples and dicks.

 

New book on fan reaction to queer codes in tv series, especially how and why some fans on social media refuse to admit that a character is gay.

Gideon Gemstone's room is plastered with pictures of musclemen.

He's obviously straight.  He wants to look like them, not at them.

On The Middle, Sue's friend Brad begins "I'm...."  and is cut off when she says "I know" and hugs him.  

Obviously he was going to confess his love for her.

On What We Do in the Shadows, Guillermo tells the vampires, "I was about thirteen when I realized that I was..." and is cut off.

Obviously he was going to say "shy around girls."

On The Hollow, Adam has a Pride flag in his room.

So what?  Lots of guys like rainbows.

He tells his friends, "I'm gay."

Obviously he didn't mean it like that.

Gideon and Scotty have a romantic candlelight dinner while the background song tells us: "The way you look when you get down, you knock me out."  

Straight guys can go out to dinner.  There's such a thing as friendship, you know.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"Teacup": Body-jumping aliens, two heterosexual romances, a gay subtext boyfriend betrayal, and Rob's knob

Probably-gay actor Jackson Kelley notes that he had a starring role in the paranormal horror Teacup, on Peacock. I figured he would be playing a gay character, so I checked it out.

The premise: On a farm full of good country folk, animals start behaving strangely, then people start trembling and speaking in riddles.  The power and WIFI go out. 

An invisible "teacup" trap marked by a blue line appears around the property; any person or animal that crosses it dies a horrible death.  A guy in a gas mask keeps patroling and gesturing.  Sound doesn't get through, so he uses a board to say things like: "Stay behind the line" and "Trust no one" 

The people trapped inside the "teacup" are divided into heterosexual nuclear families:

Family #1: James (Scott Speedman, left, from Animal Kingdom), his wife (a veterinarian), sick elderly mother, teenage daughter, and preteen son.

Family #2: Ruben (Chaske Spencer from Twilight), his wife, and his teeange son, trapped there when they brought their horse to see the veterinarian.   

Soap opera plotlines: The wife is secretly having an affair with James, and the son has been in love with James' daughter since he was in second grade, but is trapped in the Friend Zone (but not for long). 

Family #3: Donald Kelley (Boris McGiver. left) and his wife from the farm next door also happen to be there when the teacup is  put up.

The Newcomers: While everyone is dealing with the crisis and soap opera stuff, preteen Arlo (Caleb Dolden) tells his sister and her not-boyfriend that the Assassin is coming to kill them all.  The only way they can escape is with a multicolored liquid from a crashed meteor, so they gather a vial full.

Gas Mask Guy wants the vial, and crosses the blue line to get it, whereupon they stab him.  

Meanwhile, James finds the injured Travis (Jackson) hiding in the basement, worried that he's "one of them" and ready to shoot.  As they have a standoff, Travis tells his story:

Gas Mas Guy at a Bar: Flashback to Travis as the new guy working at the bar, mesmerized by Gas Mask Guy, McNab (Rob Morgan).  Wouldn't you be?

Left: Rob Morgan having coffee n*ude.  But he doesnt' have a lot of tattoos; maybe it's his breakfast companion?

He's telling about the aliens who set force-field "teacup" traps that incinerate any complex organism that tries to get through.  They're non-corporeal, using human bodies as hosts.  They can jump from body to body.  Often the humans aren't even aware of it, so anyone could be hosting an alien.

Bartender Big Al tells Travis to pay attention to the other customers; he'll wait on McNab himself.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Nude photos of Joaquin Phoenix: Skip the downer movies and check out his junk. With bonus Marky Mark and Kieran Culkin

 

Everyone in Wilton Manors saw Igby Goes Down in 2002: the trailer and the title made it sound like a gay coming-out story with a lot of "going down," har har.  Actually there's no gay content at all.  Igby is a sarcastic 17 year old with an institutionalized stepfather and a dying mother (first rule of fiction: somebody always must be dying or dead).  He hooks up with his biological father's "heroin-addicted trophy mistress" and her "terminally bored" friend before euthanizing his mom and getting the heck out of Dodge.

Imagine sitting in the theater expecting a lot of gay sex, and seeing...this.  We were so disgusted that we vowed to never see anything else that the actor appeared in.  20 years later, I didn't even remember his name.

Until I saw this nude photo from Edgerton (2025).  During the COVID pandemic, small-town sheriff Joe Cross disapproves of the mayor's mask edict, so he runs against him, then kills him and his Black-Lives-Matter son, and is eventually killed himself.  

I recognized him as the star of Igby, Joaquin Phoenix, still churning out downer movies.  

Joaquin Phoenix is straight, with several girlfriends and a kid.  And apparently homophobic; he was scheduled to play a gay guy who flees to Mexico with his boyfriend, but "got cold feet" and backed out five days before filming was to begin.

But he has a big cock, so instead of a profile, I'll check to see where he's shown it off 

Beau is Afraid (2023): One of those surreal indie films with a nonsensical plot.  A lot of people die, including Beau's mother, his father, a girl he is having sex with, and eventually Beau himself. We get a blurry dotado as he is being traumatized by something or other.  

Napoleon (2023): The butt of the Emperor of France, who made vassal states of practically every country in Europe. And since this was the Age of Colonialism, practically every country in the world.  When he wasn't having "energetic sex" with his wife and mistresses.

A butt crack (not shown) in The Master (2012): World War II vet has problems, joins a cult, drops out, has sex with women. 

A backside in The Yards (2000): A union organizer goes to work for the Mob, kills some people, buddies with Mark Wahlberg, has sex with girls.  Of course his girlfriend dies.  

Bonus: Mark Wahlberg's backside.

Igby-style chest in Return to Paradise (1998): A tourist in Malaysia is arrested for hashish possession and sentenced to death, unless his friends turn themselves in. Vince Vaughn agrees, but Joaquin is executed anyway.

There are lots of movies where people don't die, buddy. 

Wait -- what happened to Igby?  From 2000 to 2003, Joaquin starred in The Yards, Gladiator, Signs, It's All About Love, Quills, and Brother Bear, but no Igby Goes Down.

Turns out that Igby was played by Kieran Culkin.  A natural mistake -- the guys looked alike in their youth, and they both prefer roles in downer movies, with lots of sex with girls and people dying, often at the same time. 

And both have big cocks.

But Kieran's career is a little more gay-positive.  He played the sassy roommate in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and a human in love with Skyler Gisondo as a bat-alien on Solar Opposites.

See also:Solar Opposites Episode 4.9: Skyler Gisondo plays a muscular bat-alien with a human boyfriend, plus Thomas Middleditch penis

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory and Kieran cocks, and Kelvin Gemstone Comics

Peter Billingsley: The lingerie lamp kid, a Beverly Hills brat, Whips, ropes, and perhaps Peter's peter

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Jizz, penises, bodybuilders, and Duck Tales

Previous: Adam's hot/hung photos, Part 2: Gold's Gym, biceps, ben wa balls, and 69

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine, star of The Righteous Gemstones, Workaholics, and about everything else.

1. Multitasking by writing new jokes in the shower.

2. The fastest Adam has jizzed with a chick is seven seconds.  

I get it -- you want to finish as soon as possible.  With a guy, you can take your time. 

3. In Magic Camp, Adam plays a failed magician trying to re-ignite his career.  Aldis Hodge plays the father of one of the magic camp campers.

4. Get pumped in Ashland.

5.  Do you notice a pattern here?

6. In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Kumail Nanjiali plays a masseur who performs a naked tantric massage on his female client.

More after the break.  Warning: explicit.

Theo Taplitz: Jewish homophobe, gay kid, wyrm, artist, filmmaker, with some cocks and butts, and a lot of "after the death of"

  

Having had a Jewish partner for ten years, I get sort of nostalgic for Jewish culture, so  when a cute guy appeared on the icon of Bad Shabbos (2024), I clicked without doing any research.   I found three siblings and their partners preparing for Shabbos dinner with their upscale New York parents.

1. David (John Bass, seen here nude in Baywatch) and his shiksha-but-converting girlfriend Beth.  Her parents from Wisconsin are coming, too, and he is worried that they will "freak out."  It's dinner with prayers, what's the big deal?

The security guard downstairs tells the girlfriend to be sure to sit next to Ritchie, because "He's the shit."  So I kept waiting for Ritchie to arrive.  But no such person appears in the cast list. 

2. Abby and her boyfriend Benjamin (Ashley Zukerman), who hate each other.  He actually hates and insults everything.

3. The third sibling, Adam (Theo Taplitz), is still a teenager, in his room, working out to strobe lights and techno music.  David cautions that his future in-laws are from Wisconsin, not used to families arguing, like New York Jewish families do, so play it cool.

"But what about Benjamin?  The way he insults me!  Do I have to be polite to that slimy cocks*ck?"

"Yes, even to that...um...cocks*ck."

"Ok, I'll try.  But if that cheating cocks*ck starts something, I can't promise that I won't defend myself!"

Ok, three homophobic slurs in ten seconds.  I'm out.  But I wanted to know about Theo Taplitz, who so easily agreed to batter around homophobic slurs and insult LGBT viewers.

An article in Adroit gives his biography: Born in Laurel Canyon in 2003, attended the Los Angeles High School for the Arts, became a Scholastic Art and Writing National Gold Medalist twice, graduated in 2021.  

Enrolled at Columbia University as a John Jay Scholar, probably graduated in 2025.  His work "explores the middle ground between objective and subjective experience and the ruptures that occur in that unstable territory."  Um...does this explain why you're ok with homophobic slurs?

He's got 15 writing/directing credits on the IMDB, beginning when he was 13.  Quite a prodigy, but.....

True Places Never Are (2015): A boy trapped in sadness...next!

Requiem for Mr. Cromwell (2016). A boy trapped in sadness...again?

Dybbuk (2017): his little brother plays the dybbuk

Goodbye, Sam (2018): Sam is a dead parrot.

This House Has Eyes (2019): The eyes are watching a father and son at the end of the world.

Grey Heart (2019): After the death of...  When I was studying Creative Writing, they told me that the first rule of short fiction is: someone has to die or be dead.

Gable (2023): A young man uses the voice of Clark Gable to communicate with his catatonic grandfather.  Darn, I thought it would be about the House of the Seven Gables.

I'm getting depressed.  Let's get Theo's butt in here.  And there's nothing particularly homophobic about the content so far.

Theo has 17 acting credits on the IMDB, but they are mostly the shorts he wrote and directed.  Only a few other projects:

Little Men (2016): After the death of -- well, who cares, all fiction must have someone dead -- Jake (Theo) and his parents become the owners of an apartment building. He becomes friends with Tony (Michael Barbieri), whose mother has a dress shop downstairs.  They help each other out; Tony even defends Jake when bulllies "insult his sexuality."  Of course, being called "gay" is a horrible insult, because gay people are so horrible, right?  But Jake's dad decides to triple the rent; Tony's mom can't pay, and is evicted.  And of course the boys can no longer be friends.

More after the break

Maxwell Jenkins: The "Lost in Space" guy and his boyfriend visit Paris, with travel tips and n*de Parisian dudes

 

When I last profiled Maxwell Jenkins, in April 2025,  the former Lost in Space Will Robinson was starring in The Bondsman with Kevin Bacon and majoring in Global Studies at UCLA.  He had a lot of beefcake and guy-hugging photos on his social media, leading me to conclude that he is "probably gay."

The Bondsman is finished, leaving Max free to concentrate on his studies, plus cheerleading and acrobatics.  In August 2025, he posted some cute and romantic photos of his holiday in France with his boyfriend (so we can move from probablement to sans doute)

I've been to Paris several times, so I immediately recognized the Pompidou Centre, an event venue and art museum. in Les Halles. The Krash Bar, two floors of cavernous corridors of hookups, is right around the corner.

Everybody who visits Paris for the first time has to see the Eifel Tower.  After that, you give it a miss

Same with the famous Moulin Rouge in Montmarte. But they have an interesting artists' market nearby, in the Place du Tertre.

Max's boyfriend is Shawn J., a Global Studies major at UCLA who runs the program Refugee Connect, offering direct assistance to refugees around the world.

You're supposed to do that with wine glasses, guys.

N*de Parisian dudes and travel tips after the break.  Caution: Explicit.