Movies

Reviews of recent movies, usually organized in a scene-by-scene analysis.  I am especially interested in beefcake/male nudity, gay characters, and queer codes. 

A-C

Accident Man, Hitman's Holiday: Hitman rides off into the sunset with a man

Almost Love: Almost good gay comedy about rich people's hookup problems, plus Scott Evans nude.

American Gigolo, 1980 and 2022: Frontal nudity and homophobia, or underwear shots and gay erasure?

Angels and Insects: Recalling the cringe cocks

Angels in America: Tearjerker about Mormon angels, AIDS, and some 1950s guy. With cocks and butts to keep your spirits up.

Arabian Nights: Pasolini tells the lesser-known tales, with penises and homophobia

Asteroid City: Bleak play within a play within a play, with one teensy gay kiss and Matt Dillon's dick

The Binge: Skyler Gisondo's chest, two queer codes, some random naked guys, and a lot of queerbaiting

Bullet Train: Eleven assassins, Brad Pitt, and queerbaiting on the train from Tokyo to Kyoto

Canterbury Tales: Pasolini includes more gay characters and cocks than Chaucer imagined

Caravaggio's Shadow: As time goes by, the gay Baroque painter becomes more and more straight. With nude Italian men

The Cat and the Moon: An almost canonical gay couple and a gay-subtext romance on the Mean Streets of New York

Christmas on Cherry Lane: Three families, including a gay couple, with a plot twist that you won't see coming

Christmas on Repeat: A Groundhog Day romcom with Matthew Lawrence, Peter Pan, and some BBCs.

Christmas on the Square: Disaster starring Dolly Parton, Christine Baranski, Treat Williams, and Josh Serrano, with some naked guys to make up for having to read about it.

Cruising: Homophobic classic about sin, degradation, and dicks in a doomed gay world.

D-F

Dashing in December: Campy Christmas romcom with gay guys and a ranch that needs saving. Plus Neil Patrick Harris's butt.

The Dead Don't Die: By-the-numbers zombie apocalypse, with gay subtexts and Josh O'Connor's dick

Down Low: Netflix bait-and-switch movie that turns a hookup into something dark

The Eyes of Tammy Faye: A gay positive light in the homophobic 1980s.

The Feast of the Seven Fishes: Most of the Christmas tropes I hate, but I liked it anyway. With Skyler Gisondo

Final Destination: Blood Legacy: Death has a wacky sense of humor. With Travis Turner, the gay guy from "Chucky," and a n*de security guard

The Final Girls: Psycho-slasher parody with two queer characters and Adam  Devine's bulge.

Fire Island: Myles Clohessy takes off his clothes, erases LGBT people from a movie set in a gay resort

G-I

Game Over, Man: Five minutes of Adam's divine dick.  What's not to like?

Getaway: Nick Frost and his gay son vs. a creepy Swedish ritual and a transphobic stereotype. With Kit Conner and a stunt d*ck

Gladiator II: Not as homophobic as you think, and there are musclemen

Godzilla vs. King Kong: A New Empire: A classic gay subtext romance, plus some p*enises

Happiest Season: Christmas romcom with a lesbian couple, pansexual Patrick, Jake's junk, and Candy Cane Lane

The Holiday Exchange: Immensely wealthy A-gays look for love.  Watch it with your grandmother.

It Ends with Us: Not a post-Apocalyptic thriller, a drama about a lady with clunky rings and a hunk named Atlas

It's a Wonderful Knife: Christmas psycho-slasher romcom with six queer characters and Depner dick

J-L

Jexi: Dull romcom enlivened by Adam Devine's comedic timing and penis

Join Kelvin's God Squad: Homoerotic video starring Adam Devine, Tony Cavalero, and Brock O'Hurn

Love Lies Bleeding: Lesbian noir in the New Mexico desert, with some musclemen and bodybuilders

M-O

Man in an Orange Shirt: Constantly depressed gay Brit hooks up, gets a boyfriend, plays cards with Gran

Matisyahu on Ice: Tony and Matisyahu's Hanukkah Gift, with dicks.  What's Hanukkah without dreidels and dicks?

Meet Me Next Christmas: Romcom with a drag show, a queer cousin, Pentatonix, and a dancer's dick

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates: Adam Devine and Zac Efron's beefcake and bulges, but where's the plot?

Obliterated: Do you want a review of "the worst movie of the year," or should I just skip to the dicks?

The Outlaws: Adam Devine has a crush on Pierce Brosnan.  Don't you?

Oz, the Great and Powerful: A walking penis (not in a good way) finds true love, two wicked witches, and a flying monkey

P-R

The Package: A movie about penises, with bonus penises, produced by Adam Devine What could go wrong?

Pain and Glory: An aging director recalls his first crush and first boyfriend, with nudity and nostalgia

Peninsula: A gay-subtext buddy-bond in post-Apocalyptic Korea. But is it ruined by The Girl? 

The People We Hate at the Wedding: Two sisters and their mum find love, the gay guy doesn't, and there's just one penis

Picco: A lot of nude guys amid the brutality of a German youth prison

Pitch Perfect: Nerd Ben Platt, hunk Skyler Astin, jerk Adam Devine, and some nude dudes

Players: Romcom about a sports writer who ends up with who you expect, plus a bi guy

Please Don't Destroy. The Treasure of Foggy Mountain: Enough queer codes and dick pics?  With a random Adam Devine butt

Poltergeist: The gay connecton, with gay actors, AIDS awareness, skeletons, some dicks, and "They're he-ee-ere."

Proper Gym Etiquette: Robert Oberst punishes those jerks you see at the gym.

Reefer Madness: Marijuana hysteria, demonic bulges, a dinner date with Satan, and Christian Campbell's cock

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory and Kieran cocks, and Kelvin Gemstone comics.

S-U

The Seminarian: Gay evangelical with an enormous penis looks for love, annoys his friends and the viewers

A Simple Favor: Plot-twisty film noir with lesbians and a swishy queen

Sinners: Twin brothers fight vampires and klansmen in the Mississippi Delta. With Jordan junk and O'Connell cock

Spider-Man, the Dark Age: Fan-based Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man doesn't get a girl

Splitting Adam: Tony Cavalero helps Jace Norman win the Girl of His Dreams, with the stars all grown up

Stonewall: The riot that began the Gay Rights Movement, with nice cops, a white Saviour, and some dicks.

Sun in My Mouth: Depressed Russian twink rides the subway, goes to the beach, has explicit sex

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

Sweethearts: Thanksgiving romcom proving that there's gay life and cocks in Ohio, so don't move to New York

This F*king Town: F*king gay-free Hollywood, with some celebs that I hooked up with...um, I mean met.

This is the End: Celebrities left behind face demons, cannibals, and Danny McBride

Time Cut: Girl travels into the past to stop a murder, with Griffin Gluck's boyfriend and Zane Philips' dick

Time Freak: Skyler Gisondo and Asa Butterfield as boyfriends who get girlfriends

Tropic Thunder: Danny McBride, a gay rapper, Jack Black's bulge, and a lot of wartime buddy-bonding

Twilight Saga: The top 15 hunks, with some naked vampires and werewolves

Underground Railroad: A gay slave rides a real railroad through the surrealist South

V-Z

Vacation: Skyler Gisondo as a victim in a cringy homophobic scene, with adult penises to make up for it.

Warm Bodies: A zombified Nicholas Hoult meets the Girl of His Dreams. With Nick Conddrey nude

Why Him?: Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz