You are invited to Kelvin and Keefe's wedding, with exclusive NSFW photos from the honeymoon

 

Tony posted some additional scenes from the Rightoeus Gemstones Episode 4.9 wedding:

Martin: "Once upon a time, there were two  princes who fell in love."

The family applauds; a close up of the wedding program (top photo).

Sola the Nanny: "Alles gutes zum Hochzeitstag. Happy wedding anniversary"

Tiffany: "Yeah!"

Pontius: "Hey, Uncle Kelvin and Uncle Keefe. I hope you guys have a great marriage. Don't f*k too hard, ok?"

Gideon: "What Pontius is trying to say is, let your love... may your love be a blessing."  Looks like he is vaping.

Pontius: "Let your love be deep and hard...deep and hard.  Best wishes, guys."

Kelvin and Keefe dance. Keefe does The Worm.  He lifts Kelvin into his arms.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Cody Kearsley: Metis actor with two gay roles, Moose Mason and a post-Apocalyptic zombie. Plus Cody and another Metis guy n*de

 

Having found success with one Riverdale hunk (well, his penis), I thought I'd check on the others.  How about Cody Kearsley, who actually did play one of Kevin Keller's boyfriends: Moose Mason.

You remember Moose from the comics: stupid and muscular (the two usually went together in the media of the day), and so insanely jealous of his girlfriend Midge that he pulverized any guy who even glanced at her. 

In the kinder, gentler 1990s, he was modified to be less violent, and his "stupidity" was explained as undiagnosed dyslexia.  

On Riverdale, the Moose-Midge relationship is troubled by mutual cheating, Moose with Kevin and Midge with Fangs Fogarty of the Southside Serpents.  After Midge is murdered, Moose dates Kevin for awhile, but is afraid to be outed as bisexual.  Eventually he leaves town, and Kevin moves on to the also-bisexual Fangs before getting dumped for Toni, Cheryl's ex girlfriend, and Moose come back to town...well, basically everyone hooks up with everyone.   It's a soap opera, after all.

Let's go back to Cody Kearsley.

Cody belongs to the Métis people, descendants of First Nations members and French settlers from the early days of European colonization. There are 587,000 Métis in Canada, and a smaller number in the U.S..  Like many First Nation people, they have a tradition of Two-Spirits, adding 2S to LGBTQ and celebrating Gay Pride.

There are three Métis languages, with only a few thousand native speakers but many more learning them to embrace their cultural heritage.  Cody is learning Heritage Michif, spoken primarily in southern Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Montana, and North Dakota.  It is a French-Cree hybrid, with some vocabulary from English and Western Ojibwa.

Can you see the French origin of the days of the week? (Hint: lundi, mardi, mercredi, jeudi, vendredi, samedi, dimanche)

Cody actually grew up in Oliver, British Columbia, in the Sylix Okangan Nation that comprises seven communities on the Canadian-U.S. border.  He attended the Southern Okangan Secondary School, then moved to Vancouver to complete his senior year.

He was active in community and school theater, starring as Bobby Child in Crazy for You and Danny Zuko in Grease.

After his graduation in 2009, Cody moved to L.A. to attend the EDGE Performing Arts Center on a dance scholarship, and then spent three years at the Theater of Artsr.  He worked mainly in theater, as his work visa did not permit tv or movie roles. 

In 2015 he returned to Vancouver and started a theater company that specialized in the work of Metis artists.  He starred in Borealis (2016), a short about a guy who returns to his small town to convince his buddy Vikram (Rajen Toor, who is actually from Oliver) to travel through northern British Columbia with him.

Then it was back to Los Angeles with a new work visa, a shy selfie, and Riverdale (2017-22)

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme kid who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice boy -- maybe too nice for his asshole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  BJ?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

Jesse had already caught Pontius going down on Stacy -- in the hospital, of all places!  He didn't need a repeat. "Don't be a smartass.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get you rway" Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, so you can stick your dick through and anybody who wants can suck it?  And guys hanging in leather stirrups, so anybody who wants can screw them?”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the underaged homosexual sodomy going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Ryan Masson: Gay actor with one gay role and then "girls! girls! girls!" all the way down. With his d*ck and a bonus Zack Robidas

 

In The Last of Us, Episode 2.4 (2025), some 20 years into the zombie Apocalypse, the Washington Liberation Front ("Wolves') and a death cult called the Seraphites are battling for control of zombie-ravaged Seattle.  Wolf Isaac (Jeffrey Wright) captures  Seraphite Malcolm (Ryan Masson) and tortures him into revealing the location of cult's headquarters.  

It's a brutal scene.  Malcolm is all bloody, so I'm not going to show his face.  But I was interested in his cute little cock.  Maybe we could take a look at Ryan Masson in more aesthetically pleasing roles.

Ryan grew up in Memphis.  He became interested in acting through watching old movies with his grandfather, novelist John Fergus Ryan.

 He played Puck in his middle-school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream and a dandy in A Christmas Carol. although he didn't know what a dandy was.  By high school, he knew, and shied away from the theater, thinking it too "feminine."

At the College of Charleston, Ryan majored in biology and minored in French, planning to go to some isolated locale to researched endangered species.  But the acting bug won out over his fear of being "called gay": he starred in Romeo and Juliet (as Romeo) and Child's Play (about a Catholic school where some of the boys are demon-possessed).  

During his senior year, Ryan starred in the weekly webseries Dank Shadows (2011), a parody of the 1960s Gothic soap opera.  His Marolyn Foddard was a reflection of the vampire, werewolf, and Frankenstein-bedevilled heiress Carolyn Stoddard. 

After graduation, Ryan moved to Los Angeles and enrolled at the California Institute of the Arts, where he received a MFA in acting in 2015.  

He went home for four episodes of  Feral (2016), which is not about werewolves: it's an angst-drama about LGBTQ friends, like Looking but set in Memphis.   He plays the boyfriend of focus character Billy (Jordan Nichols), who suffers from depression.  I guess he wasn't worried about being "called gay" anymore.

His next starring role was Involution (2018), a Russian movie where "the Earth has been sent out of control, affected by a cruel and inhuman mechanism that turns back Darwin's Theory of Evolution."  I don't know what that means, but Ryan's character gets a girlfriend.

A comedic role, sort of, in the "Thelma and Louise" episode of Good Girls (2019), about three suburban housewives who commit crimes.  One of their husbands is interested in killing crime boss Rio (Manny Montana, top photo), so he hires professional assassins PJ and Tobin (Ryan, Travis Mills).  They turn out to be "not what he expected."  

I'll have to check the episode to see if they are a gay couple.

Nope, they talk about "getting all freaky" with chicks.

Left: When I went through the cast list of Good Girls to see if any of the male actors had n*de photos, this popped up.  It's Zack Robidas, who does not appear on the show.

More after the break

What has Jak Kristowski, last seen at the Citadel with Kelton Dumont, been up to lately? Hopefully n*de modeling and meeting German guys

 

Jak Kristowski is an actor and producer who spent a day at the Citadel, South Carolina's military college, playing a cadet against Kelton Dumont's Pontius in Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.9.   His scene was cut, but he liked the military life so much that after high school he enlisted.

I didn't have enough n*de photos for a full profile, so I posted this in one of Kelton Dumont's photo collections.

Jak is still a producer, the CEO of Barn Door Productions, with Spider Man: The Dark Age (2023), which I reviewed, plus two upcoming projects:

A Letter to Let Go: "Lola is living a two-faced life," but a letter from her sister "becomes a beacon of light."  I'm going to guess that the two-faced life does not mean that Lola is a lesbian, and the letter will help her find God.

Banner: To Seek Refuge, a fan retelling of the Incredible Hulk mythos.  On the run from a federal agent obsessed with his capture, David Banner (Cal Nguyen) meets a fellow refugee. The IMDB entry doesn't say who it is.  The third person listed in the cast is Vin Massi, "bad actor, bad model, part time bodybuilder," so maybe David meets a guy for a gay-subtext buddy-bond.  

But Jak's main job now is the army.  He trained in the exclusive K-9 unit.

He is currently stationed in Germany, where he goes to all the theme parks and takes pictures of the statues of naked men.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 4.9, Continued: Do the siblings really die? Do Kelvin and Keefe really get married? Plus some random cocks to get you through it.

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.9: Corey moonwalks, Pontius hugs, and BJ greases his pole.  Plus two hunkoids on crosses

Earlier in the episode, Corey asks for $7 million to keep the Gator Farm open, but Eli and the siblings refuse.  This causes a meltdown.  To defuse the situation, the siblings push Corey out to play cornhole, and Eli takes the rest of the family out on his boat.

Cornhole with Corey: The siblings say that they'll help any way that they can, other than giving you $7 million, of course.

Kelvin's $5,000 shirt is stained with chocolate, so he runs upstairs to change, and hears his mama whisper to him.  There she is!  Or is it someone else, masquerading as Aimee-Leigh for a nefarious purpose?

She leads him into Corey's room, for some reason, then vanishes.  Look, it's Corey's bag, with a gun inside, and the Gold-Plated Bible!  Wait -- why would Aimee-Leigh want to point out the Bible?  All it does is implicate Corey as an accessory in Cobb's theft.  And why would Corey bring it along on a weekend at the lake house?

Suddenly Corey is there.  "Why you sniffing my underwear?"

Kelvin quickly shoves the Bible in his back pocket. "Oh -- um, I was looking for a shirt to wear...I must have walked in the wrong room."   

"Is that all?" He stumbles and stutters, but Corey lets him leave.

He rushes down and shows the Bible to the siblings. 

Corey Comes Clean: Uh-oh, here's Corey.  He explains that Cobb stole the Bible, but gave it to him because he kept his mouth shut about th eome invasion.  Afterwards, he helped Cobb.  They called it the "Ex-Boyfriends Club": whenever Lori found a new guy, it was time for a meeting of the Ex-Boyfriend's Club: "And then we would handle things, one way or another."  You're confessing all this because Kelvin found the Bible?

Flashback to Corey watching from his car as Cobb beats up a guy with a board.

"At first Dad would just fight them.  Then things got worse and worse."

A guy falls out of the back of the Gator Farm truck and tries to run, but Cobb shoots him.

"Daddy was a monster. By the time we got to Big Dick Mitch, I was a monster, too."  

So Cobb and Corey have been taking care of the boyfriends for 20 year, and Lori never noticed?  Surely one of the beat-up guys would mention it instead of just ghosting her.

Next question: Is Big Dick th only boyfriend that Cobb kept as a sex slave, or were there others?

Corey heads back into the house.  The siblings think he's going to kill himself, and follow.

A selfie of a random twink, to steel you up for what happens next.

The Siblings Die: Once they reach the house, Corey starts shooting. Judy is down!  Jesse and Kelvin run!

Meanwhile, on the boat, Gideon hears gunshots.  

Corey turns up the music loud, so they won't hear as he chases Jesse and Kelvin through the house: UB40, "Red Red Wine."

All I can do, I've done.  Memories won't go.

I'd have sworn, that with time thoughts of you would leave my head

I was wrong  -- now I find just one thing makes me forget

Corey brought the Golden Bible to the Lake House because covering up for Cobb that night marked the beginning of his descent. If the siblings gave him the money, things might have been different -- maybe he would have returned it to get closure -- but their rejection suggests that he can't be redeemed. He will die a monster. So he goes after them.

Kelvin rushes into Eli's room.  Corey follows him and checks under the bed.  Not there; he jumps out from behind a curtain and attacks.  Corey shoots him.  Notice the parallel with the home invasion; Kelvin is no longer afraid.

Next Corey shoots through a closet door, and Jesse collapses -- but still alive!  

Out of bullets, Corey heads out to his truck and starts assembling a high-power rifle.  The siblings crawl toward each other, alive but injured.  I already knew that a wedding was coming up.  At this point I was wondering if it was a dream sequence, or Eli marrying Lori.

Jesse has a gun in his room, but they're too weak to climb the stairs. So Judy rings for the Monkey, and tells it to go upstairs and fetch Jesse's purse.

The Monkey brings it, and as Corey walks in with his rifle, Jesse shoots him. 

The siblings hover over him as he is dying. "I'm sorry, y'all," he tells them.

Corey has realized that he isn't a monster after all.  Like the boys dying during the Civil War, he killed not out of a violent nature, but because he was forced.  Now he is dying, and scared.  He asks the siblings to pray for him.

Knowing that they are dying, too, the siblings also pray for themselves, evoking the pain that has kept them from God, and from each other, through four seasons:

Judy: Anger

Kelvin: Fear

Jesse: Jealousy

For all of them: The belief that they are not worthy of love.  

Of course they aren't.  None of us are.  But by some miracle, we are loved anyway.

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Rob Lowe: Brat Pack prettyboy, bad guy with a dick, cowboy cop, grieving biochemist

Rob Lowe got his start as an androgynous prettyboy in Brat Pack classics like The Outsiders (1983), The Hotel New  Hampshire  (1984), and St. Elmo's Fire (1985).   

He played a teenage operator who buddy-bonds with the naive Andrew McCarthy in Class (1983).

He did the "Yank skewers the pretentions of stuffy Brits" thing in Oxford Blues (1984).

In Youngblood (1986), he gave us not only a butt shot, but a revealing near-frontal.  

Millions of heterosexual girls and gay boys had his posters on their bedroom walls. Corey Haim's Sam had one in The Lost Boys (1987), leading to widespread speculation that Sam was gay.

.We all figured that Rob was gay.  Why else would he infuse his movies with  so much buddy-bonding amid the 1980s homophobic slurs?  Why else would half the guys in West Hollywood, including my friend Mario, claim to have dated him?  

Why else would he show his butt so often?  

Then something happened that changed Rob Lowe's life and career forever.  During the Democratic National Convention in 1988, Rob and his friend Justin Morrow filmed themselves having sex with two women. It was blurry and grainy, but you could see Rob fully aroused.  (Photos after the break) 

The scandal marked him as  dangerous, deviant, and overtly sexual.  You knew things about him that you didn't about any other celebrity.

Hollywood insiders figured that his career was over, but Rob managed to capitalize on his new aura of danger in Bad Influence (1990),  luring a yuppie (James Spader) onto the Dark Side while showing us his butt again.  And in 

The Dark Backward (1991), a dark comedy about a pair of garbage collectors who want to become standup comics.  

He starred in a BBC adaption of Tennessee Williams' Suddenly Last Summer, about a decadent gay guy whose "perversion" leads to a gruesome and ridiculous death.

By 1994, Rob had bounced back enough to play Nick Andros, one of the "good guy" survivors of a plague that destroys the world, in an adaption of Stephen King's The Stand  (1994).  

He appeared in  comedies like Wayne's World and Austin Powers, murder mysteries (often as the murderer), and tragedies. But he kept his infamous penis under wraps, except for a nude scene in I Melt with You (2011).

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele. With A Special Appearance by Clay Chang

May 7th, 2025: Gideon's Prayer Time

Gideon's Prayer Time is at 11:00 am Wednesday!  Who's free at that hour except nursing-home oldsters?  And College of Charleston students, I guess.  Watching Gideon Gemstone reading off notecards the same words he has written on a powerpoint slide.  

It's stupid of me, but when I saw him at the Prism party yesterday, smiling, unconcerned about the many LGBTQ people around him, I figured he must be gay.  And beautiful, with a round face, light blue eyes, a slim, tight physique obvious even under his uncomfortable-looking Sunday suit. 

I feel like a total language geek, but I'm a Classics major, taking a seminar in Catullus, so can I help it if he popped into my head:

Equal to Jove that youth may be

Greater than Jove he seems to me

At the sight, my senses fly.

I needs must gaze, and gazing, die

Yesterday Ricky pulled my jaw off the floor and told me that he was Gideon Genstone, Kelvin's nephew.  And he was standing right next to his grandfather.  I'm not going to approach a guy standing next to world-famous evangelist Eli Gemstone! 

Who am I kidding?  I would be too shy anyway.

Prayer Time has certainly proven that Gideon is no Jove.  The existence of God, his omnipresence, the expiatory sacrifice of Jesus Christ, all in 45 minutes of stumbling theological jargon, with the conclusion: "love one another"!  

I'm having second thoughts about my gaydar.  Gay guys never become ministers - with Kelvin an obvious exception.  Gideon never comes to Prism, even as a guest speaker.  I've never even seen him with Kelvin and Keefe.  Surely if their nephew was gay, they would hang out.

He's looking at me!  He made direct eye contact!  Of course, I'm probably noticeable, the only Asian and only person under 90 in the audience.  Still, doesn't that mean something? 

"You can stay or you can go, but it's over."  Weird way to end a service -- not even a closing prayer. I stand behind the oldsters so I'll be the last one out, and I can start a conversation.

He's smiling -- a good sign.  I shake his hand -- warm, firm, sexy?  "Hi, I'm Clay Chang."

 "Gideon Gemstone.  It's good to see a young face at Prayer Time."

"It was an interesting presentation.  A lot of complex theology."

"Yeah...um...you don't have to be nice on my account.  I knew I screwed up."

Confiding in me?  Must be because we're the same age?  "No, it was fine.  You just need some instruction on homilectics."  I refrain from telling him that "homilectics" means "preaching."  "I took a class my sophomore year at Charleston Southern -- thought I was going to be a preacher."  I hesitate. He looks at me quizzically.  Do I dare put my hand on his shoulder?  "I have my old class notes back in my apartment -- I can bring them by the church later, or if you want to have lunch..."  

"Sure, lunch sounds great," he says with a smile.  

Suddenly I'm feeling hot.  My heart is racing.  "Ok...um, so meet me in an hour.  Do you want to go to Dudley's?  They're serving lunch now."

He frowns.  Because he doesn't know that Dudley's is a gay bar, or because he knows, and isn't gay?

Think of an alternative, fast!  "Or...um..the Brown Dog Deli, on Calhoun?"  

"Ok, Brown Dog Deli in an hour."  We face each other.  I can't stop grinning.  What do I do now?  Hug him?  Kiss him?  He seems to be having the same dilemma.  Suddenly we both laugh, and he reaches out for another handshake.  

"Bye."

Kelvin

Driving to my apartment, digging out my notes, doing 100 push-ups so I'll have a chest, showering, deciding on a hot but not slutty outfit, driving to the Brown Dog...that leaves six minutes to rush down Kelvin's office next to the Prism Prayer Room.  

No books except for several copies of the Bible; no desk, just a serpentine-slide thing that looks like a throne; and a lot of exercise machines: our guy likes to work out during his office hours.  Right now he's doing bicep curls -- huge biceps!  I see them three times a week, but I still can't take my eyes off them.  Except to look at the enormous club-bulge in his gym shorts.  Is that real or augmented by a balled-up sock?   

"Clay, My Man!" he exclaims.  "Sit down!  How's that paper on Catullus coming?"  How does he remember all the details of everyone who goes to Prism?

"Fine, I guess. Still stuck in the introduction.  Actually,  I stopped by because I need your advice."

'That's what I'm here for, Boyo. What's on your heart?"

"Um...the thing is, I'm having lunch with Gideon in 53 minutes."

"Who...Gideon Gemstone?  My nephew Gideon?"  He looks surprised.  Too surprised.  "In the market for a new spiritual leader?"

I smile.  Kelvin is jealous!  "No, actually...um...I'm not sure whether it's a friend hang or a date.  I don't even know if Gideon is gay."  

This is the part where Kelvin tells me "Of course he's gay."  He would know, right?

But Kelvin frowns.  "I'm afraid I can't help you there.  I have no idea about Gideon.  He mostly keeps to himself -- we've never had a heart-to-heart talk.  I've maybe said ten words to him in the last year, and four of those words were 'Happy Birthday!' and 'Merry Christmas'"

My heart sinks.  Why would Gideon be gay and not confide in his uncle?  

"Does he ever bring a friend to the family dinner?"

"Not that I can remember. Wait -- there was a guy named Scotty, a couple of years ago, came out from California to visit Gideon, and stayed for two or three weeks.  They were, like, together every moment."

"A boyfriend?"  

"I don't know, but he turned out to be a crook.  He robbed the church's Easter offering and left Gideon and his Dad tied up in the vault."  He pauses.  "Come to think of it, that's the last person outside the family that I've seen Gideon with."

My six minutes are over.  I thank Kelvin, steal anouther peek at his biceps, and rush out.

The Brown Dog

Gideon orders the Susan Hayward Salmon Salad.  I always get a Coney Island Chili-Cheese Dog with fries -- it's the Brown Dog Deli, right?  But I don't want to stain my shirt, or get onion on my breath on the off chance that there will be kissing later -- so I order the Soup of the Day.  

He reads aloud the list of required textbooks from my homilectics class: "Contemporary Preaching, Comedy Preaching, Preaching to People with Disabilities, Homilectics from an Asian-American Perspective..." Ulp, he skips over A Queer Homilectic.  "I like the Week 1 Lecture: 'Skip the slides, or at least use them well.'"

"Yeah, the idea is that preaching is different from lecturing to a classroom.  You're trying to reach people's hearts, not their heads."

"Sounds like you were very good at it."

"I just got a B+.  In my family, anything under an A++ is considered a failure."

"Is that why you tranferred to the College of Charleston and became a Classics major?"

"No, I just fell in love with Latin.  Ovid. Apuleius.  Virgil's Eclogues.  Formosum pastor Corydon ardebat Alexin." Oh no, it's about a guy named Alexis in love with the beautiful shepherd Corydon.  Why did I quote that?  What if he asks for a translation?

Saved by the bell: our food arrives, giving me a chance to change the subject.  "My parents wanted me to major in business and like sit in an office all day, talking about stocks or something.  They really didn't like my decision to major in classics -- dead languages, and not even Asian!  They had this image in their head of me with a wife and kids, a house in the suburbs, mowing the lawn, barbecuing, fixing the rain gutters.

"I had the same problem.  My parents wouldn't let me be me.  They had this image of me as a perfect little church boy.  When I was 16, I ran way to California, and didn't talk to my dad for a year."

A moment of connection!  I reach out and cup my hand over Gideon's.  He draws away. Because he's not gay, because he's not into me, or because he needs his hand to hold his fork?

I pretend not to notice.  "What brought you back to South Carolina?"

"I've been going back and forth.  A few months in L.A., then a few months at home.  I'm not sure where I belong.  Maybe I don't belong anywhere."

Gideon is lost, and lonely.  Gay or not, maybe he just needs a friend.

We eat in silence for a few minutes.  Then: "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Tomorrow night?  Like a real date?  Maybe he just needs a boyfriend!  "I have a seminar in Apuleus at 10:00, but I'm free after that."

"My Uncle Baby Billy is filming at tv show about Jesus as a teenager.  They're doing it campy, like a modern day high school."

I know -- I've dated the guy who plays Teenjus.  But I tell Gideon.  "That sounds interesting."

"Want to drop by and watch a rehearsal tomorrow? We could get dinner later."

He is definitely describing a date!

I spend the rest of the day vaguely listening to professors lecture and my roommate drone on about some video game, while thinking about Gideon.  Hopefully he's a bottom -- he's so soft and slim, sort of femme, he's got to be a bottom.  Not that I would mind going downtown....

More after the break

Gavin Lewis: Is the Prince of Peoria packing? Or are his abs enough? With Gavin, Jordan, and Tim Nelson's stuff

The Prince of Peoria (2018-19) was an attempt by Netflix to break into the teencom market with a Hannah Montana-type premise: Emil (Gavin Lewis), the young prince of a ridiculously over-the-top country, goes undercover as an ordinary exchange student in Peoria, Illinois.

I grew up near Peoria, so I was hoping for shots of local landmarks.  But, except for the opening montage, you might as well be in Albuquerque.  No Peoria landmarks are mentioned in the two episodes I reviewed.

An unbridled id, Emil forms an "unlikely" buddy bond with overachieving superego Teddy (Theodore Barnes, the one who doesn't have his shirt off).  Emil teaches Teddy not to be so uptight, and Teddy teaches Emil to be more responsible.

The gay subtext is played with, as in "The Bro-Posal," when Emil proposes (asks Teddy to make their relationship official), and is rejected.

And in "Robot Wars," advertised as "Emil develops an instant crush on Ryan, Teddy's long-time rival." Turns out that Ryan is a girl with a boy's name!  Fooled you!

You probably didn't watch, but you'll certainly be interested in Gavin Lewis now, at age 21.

Researching topics other than Gavin's abs is rough.  Only one instagram post, no Facebook account, no X, a very common name.  According to Wikipedia, he was born in Salt Lake City, so we can guess that he's Mormon.  

At age nine Gavin was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  Nick Jonas came to visit him, resulting in his interest in a stage career (his parents being theater professionals helped, too).  He booked his first movie role at the age of nine, and soon moved to Los Angeles to start auditioning.

Pre-Peoria work includes Just Jacques, Ominous, Real Boy, NCIS, Hey Arnold, The Bugaloos, and No Good Nick.

After Peoria, Gavin got a starring role in  Little Fires Everywhere (2020), a Hulu drama about: "the weight of secrets, the nature of art and identity, the ferocious pull of motherhood – and the danger in believing that following the rules can avert disaster."  Geeze, just tell us what it's about. Does anyone start a fire?

Gavin plays Moody, the youngest son of the "picture-perfect Richardson family."  In Episode 2, he "grows frustrated as Trip tells him Pearl friend-zoned him and is hanging out with Lexie."  I don't know what that means.

The other guys in the photo are Moody's brother Trip (Jordan Elsass) and his friend Brian (Stevonte Hart).  Sorry, they're all heterosexual, but there's a gay character: Moody's older sister, "the black sheep of the family," naturally.

And Jordan Elsass reputedly has a j/o video somewhere online.

In the Western Old Henry (2021), a farmer and his son (Tim Blake Nelson, Gavin) take in an injured man (Scott Haze) with satchel full of cash.  He claims to be a lawman who was ambushed by bad guys, but the posse that arrives claims that he is the bad guy.  Who to believe? 

You'll have to watch.  Meanwhile, here's Tim's d*ck to tide you over.

Gavin's character doesn't display any heterosexual interest.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.9: Corey moonwalks, Pontius hugs, and BJ greases his pole. Plus there are two hunkoids on crosses, one with a d*ck

 

Previous: Episode 4.8, Continued: We finally see Big Dick Mitch, the boy named Stacy, a serial killer, and a lot of tied-up dudes.

Title: "That the Man of God May Be Complete."  1 Timothy 3:17, ESV: All Scripture is inspired by God, so "that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."   Sounds like the Golden Bible will play a role.

Left: Pontius spends nearly the entire episode hugging Gideon.  It looks like Abraham squeezed between them.  I can't tell which leg belongs to who.

The Duel:  The Cape and Pistol Society.  Vance bursts in, drinking, and everyone laughs at him.  He points out that Kelvin has defeated him, but not Jesse, and throws down the yellow handkerchief, challenging him to a duel.  Vance will have Pastor Brad as his second, and Jesse will get Eli.

They immediately adjourn to the front lawn.  Jesse is nervous, since he's a terrible shot. Eli suggests that he back out, but nope: "He insulted Kelvin and built mini-malls in our territory."  You know, duelling is illegal lin South Carolina.

Vance's shot goes way over the trees.  Jesse aims at him, but he runs zigzag.  Then he stops and begs for his life.  Jesse deliberately aims away from him: "You don't need a secret society to be an impressive man.  It's what you do that makes you impressive.  So I quit."  Thus ends Jesse's plot arc: he's going to stop being jealous of others' success.

The Proposal: Kelvin and Keefe examine the newly-completed treehouse, praising how nicely it all came together.   "Great job, Keefey."  You've never once called him that, Bro. 

Keefe points out that a storm is brewing, and "the devil's piss causes you terror."  Nope, not anymore.  In fact, a lot of things don't scare him anymore: spiders in toilets, the old lady puppet from Mr. Rogers (well, she was scary).... and marriage. 

Remember, in Episode 4.2, Keefe suggests getting married, and he completely tears down the idea.  He approaches: "Keefe Chambers, will you marry me?", with a box with an engagement ring.  They hug and kiss.  

This is the end of Kelvin's plot arc: he is no longer paralyzed by fear.  We still need a wedding -- hopefully.

BJ Greases His Pole: BJ is unscrewing his pole: "I thought  I needed this to prove how manly I was, riding this long, sleek pole up, only to drop down, my thighs squeezing it."  Um...BJ, it's getting hot in here.  

He tells Judy, "It's about to pop off.  Put your hands in position, right at the base...squeeze it tight...we're going to jerk it off."  Dude, I might join you.

Now that the pole has come, they discuss the Monkey.  BJ misses him, and wants him back.

Cut to Judy taking him for a joyful reunion.  I'm fast forwarding past that part.  Presumably this is the end of her plot arc.

Lori and Eli: Lori notes that the kids like her again, now that she and Eli aren't dating.  In other news, Corey is taking the crisis "real rough."  He hardly leaves the house, and his wife Jana has moved in with her sister.

Lori found some mementos that Eli might enjoy: A flier from one of her shows, a letter that Aimee-Leigh wrote her soon after the divorce. Hey, the Gold Bible isn't there.  They say goodbye and hug.  Doesn't she live nearby?  Can't they continue to be friends?

Later, Eli retrieves the letter from the box, but can't bring himself to open it.

Hunkoids on Crosses: Baby Billy goes back to work after his ordeal at the Gator Park Massacre. Everyone applauds.  He notes that he is happy to be alive, and God gave him the physical prowess of a teen boy to help vanquish Cobb.

Left: Ash (Michael Sayfou) tied to a cross.  

"Ok, back to work. Work, work, work."  He doesn't seem happy as they set up the crucifixion scene.  He recalls his argument with Tiffany: "Is that all that matters to you?", and flashes back to spending  time with his family. 

Left: Another hunkoid, maybe Edge (Alex Matoussian (c*ock after the break).

Baby Billy stops the filming and announces "I quit.  Even though it may cost my nephews and niece millions of dollars.  Shows over.  Fuck tv."

This ends Baby Billy's plot arc: he has chosen family over fame.  

More after the break