Gavin's Spring Break. With a gym bud, a shower bud, a Taino guy, and the Easter Bunny

Last year Gavin Munn, star of Raising Dion and The Righteous Gemstones, spent spring break in Puerto Rico.  He posted some pics to his Instagram, and I added a few of my own. The naked guys are all over 18.

1. Riding his bike down the hotel hallway

2. That's not a real pelican

3. Golfing on Playa Guajataca.

4. Gym bud

5. Shower bud

6. With Sean William Scott of the American Pie franchise

More spring break after the break

Is There Sex After Death?: A Gideon and Scotty story, with heartwarming scenes and oral sex

This story takes place after Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.8, when Scotty Steele dies.

April 21, 2019. Easter Sunday.

Light. Intense, golden light, surrounding him. Not bright, like sunlight, just warm, comfortable, loving -- how can light be loving? -- like sitting on your mother's lap when you are a kid. Scotty wonders if he is a kid. Maybe he has gone back to the womb?

No, there are others around him, some that he once knew, and loved or hated, some who are strangers. Except they aren't strangers now -- he sees the most important moments of their lives, and they, in turn, see Scotty's. At random, not in chronological or thematic order:

1. Going out to dinner at the Shem Creek Restaurant in Mount Pleasant -- pizza and beer -- and Scotty calls Gideon "Little Lord Fauntleroy." They smile and joke, and hold hands under the table, and the song on the radio, or in his mind, is "You Knock Me Out.” :

The way you talk when you say what you see

Your smile breaking my words – you knock me out.

The way you shake it, baby, the way you get when you get down -- you knock me out 

The memory of the song, of his smile, fills Scotty with so much joy that he he feels like he will burst. He looks around -- or the equivalent when you don't have a body -- and feels the others sharing his joy.

2. The Old Man, Jesse Gemstone,  takes them all out on his yacht, and in the glittering of the waves, while the kids sit in the wading pool -- a pool on a yacht? -- Jesse offers to become his Daddy, and they hug.  

He eases into the hug, actually considering the crazy idea for a moment.  They could just walk away from the scheme to steal the Easter offering from the Salvation Center, $3,000,000, and settle into lives as a good Christian Gemstone and his boyfriend.  

Then he laughs to himself.  No way will the Old Man ever admit Scotty to the family, knowing that his cock  has been down his son's throat or up his ass...sorry, Mom....the fact that Scotty has been intimate with his son every night. Evangelicals hate gay sex even more than they hate thinking for yourself. The Easter Offering plan is the only way they can walk side by side into the future.

3. Driving from California to South Carolina so they can blackmail his father, the world-famous Jesse Gemstone, with a video of his sex-and-drugs party, get even for a childhood of neglect and abuse, and fund their happily-ever-after life in Thailand. They spend the night in a Motel 6 somewhere in New Mexico. Lucy is snoring.  Scotty opens his eyes and sees Gideon, propped up in the other bed, playing on his cell phone, his face illuminated, as if he is already in the plane of endless light.  He must be an angel -- nothing in this shithole world -- sorry, Mom -- could be so beautiful.

He knows that he's going to do it, he's known since the moment they met, but still, Scotty is terrified as he climbs out of his own bed and slides in next to Gideon.  He doesn't look surprised -- maybe he has always known, too.  He puts his cell phone away and scoots down so Scotty can hold him in his arms and kiss him.  

Suddenly the world changes.  Scotty has never been kissed before, not like this. Minutes pass, hours, months, a lifetime. He doesn't even think about doing something more intimate -- is there anything more intimate? -- but eventually Gideon takes the lead rolls him over onto his back, and moves down....he moves down...

To give him the blow job of his life. Well, until later that night.  And the next. With Gideon, his orgasms are so intense that his yells wake half the county, and he has to lie there, panting, exhaused, not sure where he is or who he is, knowing only that they are together.

Cause you and me were meant to be. One heart, one soul, one mind, two of a kind. 

Whoever said that love is blind?  We're partners in crime.

Scotty retreats into himself, embarrassed, but the others draw him back. There's nothing to be embarrassed about now. They've seen the moments of his life, and he's seen theirs.

One of the others has taken on form -- not really a corporeal form, more like a recognizable presence: a young woman with 1980s helmet hair and circular glasses, a little girl in pigtails standing on a country road, a middle-aged woman holding baby Gideon on her lap. She is singing, or music is playing:

We've come so very far, just look at where we are -- What once was a dream is now a sweet memory.

I'll see you again with the valley's warm wind, I'll see you some way, but it's toodles today

Scotty knows who she is -- Aimee-Leigh Gemstone, the Gospel singer that his mom liked so much. Eli Gemstone's wife, Jesse's mother, Gideon's grandmother!

More memories emerge, and with them the joy turns to pain.  Scotty never hit Gideon, except for two fights where he got worse than he gave, and the sex was always consensual -- he was forced, by his cousin, by his tenth grade teacher, by a crazy chick in a dive bar. so he always made sure that the cocksucker -- sorry, gay guy -- was into it.  But he wasn't always loving.  He belittled Gideon, called him names, yelled, even threatened.  He thought that the only way to keep someone with him was by making them feel small and scared.

Creeper got mad and angry eyes – one look from him can paralyze.

Upon his lips the taste of pain, venom kiss of love insane

He got a rod beneath his coat – he gonna ram it right down your throat.

Make you grovel on the floor, spit up and scream and beg for more

Scotty retreats into himself, hating himself for hurting so many people, fearful that Gideon's grandmother has come to judge him. But all he feels from Aimee-Leigh is love.  She nods -- or its equivalent -- and the memory continues.

 On Easter morning, Gideon comes down the elevator alone and says "It's over." He chose the ritzy Gemstone world over the dream of Thailand, the Old Man over the love of his life. The smiles, holding hands under the table, the kissing, the orgasms that burst across the universe -- all ignored.  But Gideon isn't the one who ignored it -- Scotty could have said "It's ok, I don't want the money, all I need is to be by your side."  He didn't.  

After that Scotty sees nothing but red rage.  He retrieves his van, beats up Granddad Eli, forces Gideon and Jesse to open the vault, ties them up. He yells "You made your choice, and you broke my heart!" Then he zooms away from the estate, not sure where he is going, nowhere, anywhere, into the abyss. He doesn't care; his life is over already.

Aimee-Leigh waits patiently for his despair to wash through the others.  Then she asks "Are you ready to go, darlin?  We've got work to do."

Calling him "darlin'," as if she is really his grandmother! Wait -- of course she is.  There are no lies in the endless light. "But how?  He must hate me.  There's no coming back from what I've done to him."

"He's already forgiven you.  But you need to forgive him."

More after the break

A Discovery of Witches: Some lesbians, a gay tease, a very important book, and Matthew Goode's goods

 

On to the next of the new paranormal tv series on Netflix, A Discovery of Witches.  

But it's nowhere near Halloween.

Prologue: "It begins with absence and desire.  It begins with blood and fear,  It begins with..." Coffee and bagels?  No, "a discovery of witches."

Scene 1: Nice establishing shots of Oxford.  Matthew (Matthew Goode) complains that this was once a world of wonder, but it belongs to the humans now. Demons, vampires, and witches have all gone into the closet.

Cut to a blonde woman rowing in the Thames, then running through the university, taking a shower -- gratuitous nudity, at Minute 2, no fair! --  eating breakfast, packing up her stuff, and pausing to gaze despondently at a photograph of her and her boyfriend.  Actually, the lady in the photo seems a year or two older, so maybe it's her lookalike sister or mother.  Looking at her makes Rowing Lady extremely depressed, so she must be dead.

Biking across town, locking up her bike -- whoops, her papers fall out and scatter, but she uses her magic powers to retrieve them. Fortunately, no one sees her.

Scene 2: Rowing Lady, Diane, is a Visiting Research Fellow who took her D.Phil. in the History of Science from Oxford, published two prize-winning books, and got tenure at Yale.  In the History of Science? 

In her powerpoint presentation, she theorizes that the Renaissance alchemists were actually describing real chemical processes.  She's going to research the manuscripts of Elias Ashmole , after whom they named the Ashmolean Library. A lady rushes up and offers her a position at Oxford, and wants to know if her book is ready yet.  She hasn't started the research yet, nitwit. 

Scene 4:  Diane has coffee with an old friend from Oxford, who gazes at her -- ex-girlfriend?  She was trained in classical history, where there are no jobs, so she's just an adjunct.  And there are jobs in the history of science? 

The friend invites her to the coven tonight, but Diane isn't comfortable around magic after what happened to her parents.  Witch burning?

Scene 5: In another building, a guy -- maybe Matthew?  -- is praying with his rosary.  Um -- Oxford is Anglican.

Left: Matthew's butt.  

And his cock.  It's not much, but he's an upper-class straight white man, so he'll be in a position of power regardless.

Cut to Diane in the Ashmolean Library, ordering books from the hunky library guy, played by Ezra Idun.  But the book whispers at her, and some pages have been cut out.   And the Praying Guy hears a heart beat!  In other news, her needy friend drops by to flirt with her some more.

As Diane types her notes, the lights flash and everybody hears the whispering.  Praying Guy gets a call from a woman, who explains that their blood is reacting to something.  They must be vampires.  Catholic vampires who go out in the daytime.  He uses his super-hearing to locate the disturbance

Meanwhile, Diane finds that touching the pages burns her!  She returns the book and rushes out of the building, bumping into a passerby who looks like her dad! Praying Guy is watching her suspiciously.

More after the break

Mayfair Witches: Two of them, with interlocking stories, a swishy straight guy, and a demon dick

 

Netflix has just dropped a lot of paranormal tv shows: A Discovery of Witches, Interview with a Vampire, The Preacher...I'll start with Mayfair Witches, which is based on a trilogy of books by Anne Rice, so there's bound to be some gay characters.

Scene 1: A sagging Gothic mansion. A man in a Depression-Era robin's egg blue suit appears on the front porch to give a staring, catatonic woman her Thorazine shot.  He's new, and can't believe that this is the patient: her file is so big, he thought she was elderly.

He reviews her file, and snoops among the weird books and artifacts in her library, including a photo of her as a 1920s flapper.  So she's immortal. Out on the porch, a man is talking to her, but when the doctor comes out, he is gone, and the maid says there was no man.  Eerie!

The rest of the episode juxtaposes stories of two women who look alike, so the only way to tell them apart is by their timelines: the first is contemporary, and the second looks to be in the 1950s. I don't know which is the catatonic one.

The Story of Woman #1: Rowan

Scene 1: Rowan pilots a boat into San Francisco Bay.  Her girlfriend arrives via Uber.  Nope, it's her mother.  

Scene 2:  A surgeon, Rowan is comforting the young boy she'll be operating on. Wait -- a male surgeon, Dr. Keck, took over the case to impress the sexist Board, but he's not operating right. She argues, but to no avail, and the boy almost dies  "Keck is a menace!" she exclaims. 

Scene 3: More tearjerking: Mom's cancer is back!  Plus we've only seen two male characters, neither cute.

Rowan tells the menace Dr. Keck that David Lemle was observing the surgery.  His company does research with stem cells for cancer patients, so could Dr. Keck arrange an introduction, so she can apply for a job as his research associate, so she can get her mother into the trials?  That sounds unethical, and really far-fetched. But Dr. Keck thinks she's arrogant, with a superiority complex.. As he is tearing into her, she hears whispers, something happens inside his brain, and he falls over dead!  

Scene 4: Rowan thinks she caused Dr. Keck's death.  Maybe her powers are genettc, but she's adopted, and there's no way to determine who her birth parents were.  

But the moment she leaves the room, Mom calls a facility and asks who Rowan's case worker is now: Ciprian Grieves, played by Tongayi Chirisa, left. That's a totally made up name.  She leaves a message: "My daughter is hurting people.  I need to know if something has changed."

Scene 5: In a bar, Rowan asks the bartender, Max (Jordan Cox) to have sex with her, but he has a date tonight.  So she goes after a random guy, and he relents.  

After sex, he wants to stick around, cuddle, and discuss their feelings, but she kicks him out: she's only in it for sex, not a relationship.  That's why she never sees the guy a second time.

Scene 6: Caseworker Ciprian Grieves goes to a house in New Orleans and uses his magic powers to look at the spirit world.  A mysterious spirit, played by Jack Huston, is lurking in the back yard.  He calls Rowan's Mom and tells her that He is nowhere near her daughter.  That's a good thing, right?  

Mom notes that she's dying of cancer, so who will protect Rowan when she's gone?  Ciprian volunteers.

More after the break

Raising Dion Episode 2.2: Gay kid with superpowers and his scoobies fight monsters, deal with a helicopter Mom

There are lots of movie and tv shows about teenagers discovering that they have superpowers, but not many about eigh-year olds. In Raising Dion, single mom Nicole must deal with her own problems and her son's superpowers, which draw the attention of the usual medical specialists, dark-government agencies, and monstrous supervillains.  Gavin Munn plays Dion's best bud.  To see if they have a gay-subtext relationship,  I reviewed Episode 2.2, about a new boy in school, figuring that this was the episode where Gavin first appears.

Prelude: Mom and Dion off a giant smokey monster in naked human form.  So far, so good.  The monster leaves, and a guy named Pat (Jason Ritter, left) is left (fully clothed).  He explains: "It took a whole day for my body to completely reform, and another to walk to the nearest town, where I decided to start a new life."

Scene 1: Zoom out: he's being interrogated, claiming that he did unspeakable things because the Crooked Man was controlling him.  And now it is controlling someone else!  Big Boss Suzanne doesn't believe him.

Scene 2: Guys in Hazmat suits investigating a giant crater.  There are footprints down there -- maybe the security guard. They call him to check, but he's at home with a disgusting pustulating growth on his neck.  They block off the crater so no school kids fall in.

At that moment, Mom and Dion (Ja'siah Young) drive past. Dion, now ten years old, is troubled, but Mom tells him that there is nothing to worry about.  He praises his superpower trainer, Tevin (Rome Flynn, top photo). Mom says "I'm glad you like him."  Next subject of conversation: the upcoming musical, which Esperanza is counting on him for.  Does Dion have a girlfriend?  TV writers are hesitant about portraying gay pre-teens or even teenagers, but they'll happily have toddlers expressing heterosexual desire.

Scene 3: At school, Dion is drawing in the abs on a muscular superhero.  Questioned by his friend Jonathan (Gavin Munn, already a regular), he claims that they are power stabilizers to help him go faster.  "Um...ok," Gavin says, rather obviously pretending not to know that Dion is gay.  I'd better take another peek at Dion's interest in his superpower trianer.

Their third friend Esperanza (Sammi Haney), who has a unique body type and uses a wheelchair, wants to know when they're going to investigate the mysterious crater. How about today after school?  Next, she has picked out the songs they're going to use for their auditions for the school musical.  BFF Jonathan says there's no need: he has his song picked out, and it's going to be awesome!

During class, the new kid Brayden (Griffin Robert Faulkner) keeps glaring at Dion. 

Scene 4: B Plot with Mom and her sister Kat discussing where their lives went wrong. 

Cut to school: after class, New Kid Brayden reads the minds of the kids around him, mostly criticizing him for being strange.  Dion and his buds friend-up to him: "I know how hard it is being the new kid."  They ask him to audition for the school musical.

Scene 5: Out in the hall, Crooked Man tells Brayden to "get him alone!", so he asks Dion for a tour of the school. BFF Jonathan wants to come, too, but Brayden mind controls him into agreeing that it should just be the two of them. 

They walk down a deserted hallway.  Dion asks Brayden why he moved to Atlanta.  "To find you."  I don't think he means "we were meant to be together."  

Crooked Man smokes out of Brayden and tries to grab Dion, but fails.

Scene 6:  After school.  Mom arrives to pick up Dion, but Esperanza stalls her, and at the crater, BFF Jonathan stalls the hazmat guy, so Dion can zap down and investigate. It's got glowing purple flowers with undulating stamens that reach out for him -- ulp, time to zap away! 

Scene 7:  At the Bio Institute, while Dion is changing into his superhero-workout clothes, his trainer Tevin asks Mom out.  I'll skip the Mom and Patrick plots.  Actually, they take a while.  I guess child stars can't work a lot of hours.

Scene 8: Brayden at home -- he lives by himself -- eating pizza.  He criticizes the Crooked Man smoke-monster for trying to attack Dion, when he wasn't strong enough.  "Well, he was just so close, and I couldn't help it."   Crooked Man is not quite as scary when he whines to a little kid.  

Next criticism: "Why are you using the weird flowers to build an army? Why can't you kill Dion all by  yourself, you wimp?"  Crooked Man doesn't answer; he just complements Brayden: "You're making me stronger.  Soon I will be ready." 

Next: when the job is done, will Crooked Man abandon Brayden?  "No, I'll keep you with me."  Ten to one he's lying.

Scene 8:  Dion in his room, reading comic books.  Why is there a map of Scandinavia on his wall?   Suddenly Brayden appears!  He explains: "I'm not actually in your room, I'm in your head.  I have powers, too."  While Dion stares, he says "I think we're going to be best friends."  Uh-oh, that sounds sinister.  The end.

The Dion plot is a little thin, so lI'll add a scene from the next episode:

The Musical Auditions:   Dion's main friends and Brayden compete for Dion's attention.  Brayden uses his superpowers to zap the two of them into a field (a boring field?  How about Disney World?). But Dion still chooses his main friends.  Brayden roils with jealousy.

The femme diector, Mr. Kwame (J. Harrison Ghee, who won a Tony for his role in Some Like It Hot ), uses the opening of Fame: "you got big dreams?  You want fame?  Well, fame costs, and here's where you start paying -- in sweat!" This is a fourth grade musical review, not Broadway!  

Ulp, all of the kids sing "Oh, Susannah!"  Badly!  "Fosse, forgive me!" Mr. Kwame cries. Then Esperanza does a mesmerizing performance of  "Beautiful Dreamer." 

Jonathan doesn't audition; he uses pyrotechnics and confetti cannons to push for the job of stage manager.  The end.

Beefcake: None, but I included the butts of Jason Ritter and Rome Flynn after the break.

Heterosexism: Just among the adults.  I researched the series, and none of the kids is involved in a heterosexual romance.

Gay Characters: One scene implying that Dion is gay.  There are probably hints in other episodes, too, but I doubt they go beyond.  

According to AfterEllen, Mom's sister Kat gets a "surprise! she's a lesbian" moment that is never referenced again.  There are rainbow posters around the school, but I can't read what they say.

Gay Subtext: Dion and Brayden have a kid version of a toxic romantic relationship, complete with gaslight, blaming, and abuse.  Nothing with Dion and Jonathan in this episode. 

My Grade:  Esperanza steals every scene, and Jonathan is amazing as a pre-teen operator.  Dion is the morose, troubled Peter Parker type.  Mom is definitely over protective.  Kid plotline: A-.

Overall, this seems to be Mom's story, about the problems of raising a "special needs" kid and dealing with the season's Big Bad.  Grown-up plotline: C+.

Butts after the break.  Guess which belongs to whom:

"Proper Gym Etiquette": Robert Oberst punishes the jerks you see at the gym

In 2015, Robert Oberst wrote and starred in Proper Gym Etiquette, a six minute comedy video directed by Charlie Rice. I would definitely like to show it to some of the guys at my gym.

The premise: If you see a breach of etiquette, you can call for The Monster (Robert), who grabs, throws, pummels, and yells at the offender. (The examples are all g-rated; I added the nudes, and a few of my own rules).

1. Keep the noise down!  Don't you hate those loud grunts?

2. Re-rack your weights!  It's really annoying to have to rack somebody else's before you can put yours on.

3. No food in the gym!  Who wants to lift while sitting in someone's Dorito crumbs?

4. No curling in the squat bars!  What if somebody is waiting to use the equipment properly?

5. Dress appropriately!  Real gyms don't allow you to be shirtless (or nude), for safety and hygenic reasons.

6. No groups taking turns on a machine!  A workout partner is fine, but who wants to wait 20 minutes while four guys go through their sets?

More after the break