"The Borough": A spider-monster, Stepford smiles, and elderly hunks in a desert retirement community. With Begley butt and silver fox cock

 Who can resist an old guy?  A silver fox, 50 or 60 or 70, with the tight toned body that comes from spending every day at the gym, decades of experience in putting his dick in all the right places, and a huge disposable income  ("I'm going to China next week.  Want me to bring you anything?" ) . So I'm looking forward to The Boroughs, a new Netflix series about paranormal shenanigans in a creepy retirement community.  There will probably be an elderly gay couple hanging around, and there will certainly be a lot of elderly beefcake.  

Scene 1: A creepy cul-de-sac of ranch-style houses, surrounded by desert, with a mountain in the background.  We zoom into one, where an elderly lady (Dee Wallace of The Stepford Wives) is eating a tv  dinner and watching Jeopardy.  She facetimes her husband Edward  (Ed Begley Jr.) at the Manor.  He wants to come home, but she won't permit it.  He says "The owls are in the walls."  

Ed Begley Jr. played the physics professor mentor on Young Sheldon, starring gay actor Iain Armitage. 

She falls asleep watching The Golden Girls.  Suddenly the tv turns itself off, and scary tentacles creep down the walls. A monster attacks!  And I thought Edward at the Manor was facing paranormal.

Scene 2: A lady and her husband Neill (Rafael Casal) drive through the badlands.  In the back seat, we see her elderly dad, teenage daughter, and early teen son Cody.

Left: Eldon Jones (Cody) at Albuquerque Pride. Notice the rainbow flag and beads.  As you read the rest of the review, return to this photo as often as you need to.  While writing, I returned to it a lot.

 They arrive at a guard house in the middle of the desert, with nothing around, and tell the guard that grandpa, Sam Cooper, is moving in today.

"Welcome to the Boroughs,, where you'll have the time of your life."

Grandpa (flatly): "Ironic slogan for a place people come to die."

They cross the town square, full of grinning oldsters, and on to the isolated cul-de-sac.  Movers are already putting his furniture in, plus whatever was left behind by the last resident -- the lady who was eaten.  Her husband is still in an assisted care facility.

Their AI assistant, Seraphim, asks "What can I do to make your day more enjoyable?"  Grandpa isn't having it; he pulls the darn device out of the wall.  Back Story: His wife wanted to move to the Boroughs, but she recently died, and he doesn't want to be in a square coffin by himself. 

Daughter suggests that if he really hates it there, he could come live with them.  No, their place is too small.  Besides, he sunk all of his money into this retirement community, and signed a contract.  He's stuck.

Grandpa is played by Alfred Molina, seen here as the murdered boyfriend of playrwright Joe Orton in Prick Up Your Ears (1987). 

Scene 3: As Grandpa unpacks, he sees a commercial featuring the CEO of the community.  Maybe if he asks nicely -- or angrily -- the guy in charge could release him from his contract and return some of his money.

Next door neighbor Jack drops by with a "welcome wagon" six-pack of beer. He starts spewing about his golf game, sleep apnea, "touch of the gout," and difficulty  maintaining his goal of sexing ladies every night. Girls, girls, girls! Heterosexual identity established at Minute 13.  Finally he invites Grandpa to a neighborhood barbecue.  "No thanks, I hate barbecues.  And people.  And...well, just about everything."

Left: Jack is played by Bill Pullman, known for his underwear scene (and testicle torture) in The Serpent and the Rainbow

Scene 4: Grandpa awakens in bed with his wife (Jane Kaczmarek).  I thought she was dead?  They hug, kiss, close-up hold hands (so you can see their wedding rings), and discuss their plans for the day (gender polarized shopping/working on the car).   It goes on and on, and becomes more and more soppy-maudlin.  Is this a dream, or is an evil succubus trying to control him?

Jane Kaczmarek played the Mom on "Malcolm in the Middle" and the 2026 sequel "Life's Still Unfair," which has gay and nonbinary characters.

It was a dream: Grandpa awakens to revving - the Girl Next Door (Geena Davis) trying to get her car started. 

The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in the Media sponsors research on female and LGBTQ representation.

  There's also an old guy doing tai chi, which disgusts Grandpa.  You basically hate everyone, don't you?  Oh, wait, you already told us that.

Scene 5: Tai Chi Guy (Clarke Peters) goes into the house, where his wife (Alfre Woodard)  has intel on the new guy.    So, is she in charge of the nefarious plot?  No, she's just a retired reporter, passing the time with social media stalking.   I'd better get some nefarious plot soon, or I'm leaving.  

Grandpa goes to the company headquarters, a huge building with a giant atrium.  Apparently this community is much more extensive than the isolated cul-de-sac we've seen so far.  The receptionist tells him that the CEO is out today.  

Suddenly he flashes back, or has a new memory, of yelling at his wife for picking up the wrong kind of onions.  She calms him down, they dance, things get sickening, with lots of smooching and fast-forwarding  -- and suddenly he's back at headquarters.  He wonders if he's going crazy.

Scene 6: Two security guards, Hank and Paz (Eric Edelstein, Carlos Miranda), are sent to the Community Center, where the Girl Next Door is teaching an art class.  She complains that a bag of rose quartz has been stolen, but they don't want to report it.  Head Guard Hank warns that if she insists, they'll claim that she's losing her memory, and should be sent to the dreaded Manor.  

Scene 7: That night, Grandpa falls asleep on the couch watching an old movie.  In the morning, he's awakened by the revving of the Girl Next Door's car.  He fixes it for her, but won't say "You're welcome" in exchange for her "Thank you."  So she yells at him.

Back in the house, he finds Edward, from Scene 1 (the one whose wife was eaten).  He yells that the owl is in the wall, blames Grandpa for taking away his wife, and attacks.  After subduing him, Grandpa wants to call the police, but the security guards explain that this is unconsolidated territory, with just a sheriff, so for most things they depend on security.  And the CEO wants to talk to him.

More after the break

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory, Kieran, and Ansel cocks, and "Kelvin Gemstone, Boy Adventurer"

Richie Rich, an impossibly wealthy 12-year old boy in a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit, was a mainstay of Harvey Comics from his first introduction in 1953 until the company folded in 1982.   

You may be familiar with the 1994 movie version, starring Macaulay Culkin and his brother Rory (above) as Richie Rich, and Michael Maccarone, aka Maccadeath, as his pal Omar (Freckles in the comics)

The reviews were awful.  But what about the comics?

They started as exclusively humorous -- Richie wants to jump rope, but can't find one, so he uses a huge pearl necklace. I never cared much for them, preferring the science-fiction and mystery-style stories of Casper's Ghostland

But by the 1970s, Richie was augmenting the humor with serious Hardy Boys-style mysteries, paranormal, espionage, and adventure stories.  They were more interesting, if you could overlook the Little Lord Fauntleroy suit that he continued to wear.

By the end of his run, Richie was starring in over fifty monthly or bimonthly titles, far more than all of the other Harvey characters put together.  

So many thousands of stories required a huge supporting cast, so Richie quickly received a girlfriend, , some boy pals from the wrong side of the tracks, a mischievous cousin, a gold-digger with a crush on him -- or his money -- and crossovers from the other naturalistic Harvey comics, Little Dot, Little Lotta, and Little Audrey (I don't know why all the girls were "little").  He  paired with Casper the Friendly Ghost, although he always explained their adventures together as dreams. He even got a boyfriend.

But his most significant boy pal was Jackie Jokers.

 

48 issues of Richie Rich and Jackie Jokers appeared between 1973 and 1982, with humorous and adventure stories pairing Richie with the 12-year old stand-up comedian.  It soon became apparent that they liked each other.  A lot   Holding hands during the crisis, hugging when the crisis was averted, stammering "If anything were to happen to you....".  

Left: nuclear war in a kids' comic.

In one story, Jackie makes his romantic intentions very clear: "If you weren't always wearing that silly red bowtie, I'd marry you."  He'll take the tie off for the honeymoon, dude.

Coincidentally or not, during this same time period, Richie begins to beef up.  Previously the shirtless and swimsuit shots depicted a nondescript cartoon body.  Now he had biceps, pecs, and abs, to draw the interest of the preteen gay boys who were reading about his romance with Jackie Jokers. 

The cover art contrasted his buff bod with horrible puns.  It must have been difficult to make up 50 money-based puns every month.

Some dicks after the break

"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.6: Nicky comes out, his mom punches a guy, and his sister hates her boyfriend. Confused? Will Armenian cocks help?

 

I reviewed Big Mistakes Episode 1.1, with Dan Levy as closeted gay minister  Nicky, and gave it a B. Coming from an evangelical background, the idea of joining a homophobic church -- as a minister -- just didn't ring true, and Nicky was rather disagreeable.  To say nothing of his crazy sister.  

 But in Episode 1.6, Nicky grows a pair and "comes clean about his relationship" with boyfriend Tareq.  Plus the cast list includes a drag queen and some Eastern European bodybuilders.  

The Premise: After a debacle involving a stolen necklace, closeted minister Nicky and his crazy sister are forced to work for drug trafficking kingpin Ivan (Mark Ivanir).

Scene 1:  As they are making breakfast, Sister Morgan breaks the news that Yusuf, Kingpin Ivan's right-hand man, has vanished.  He left the keys to the truck and the barn where they stash stuff, so it sounds like he's quitting.   She notes that he was upset over his girlfriend back in Istanbul, so maybe he left to visit her.

"But we're in the middle of a major drug deal!" Kingpin Ivan screams.  "Andrei, go find him!"  Andrei appears in his undershirt, as if he's just awakened.  He must be Ivan's boyfriend.

As Andrei leaves, Kingpin Ivan tells the siblings that they'll have to go to Miami in Yusuf's place, to meet with the Brazilian drug cartel.  Nicky tries to refuse, but you don't refuse Kingpins.

Well, maybe you do.  They walk out.  Kingpin Ivan pulls a gun, but can't bring himself to shoot them -- he thinks of them as his good friends.

In the car, Nicky yells at Sister Morgan for ruining everything, and tells her to stay away from him from now on.

Scene 2: Nicky awakens in bed next to Boyfriend Tareq (Jacob Gutierrez).  Why is there a painting of a Catholic angel in a Protestant minister's bedroom?

 Nicky has made a decision: since Out and Loud  is recognizing Tareq for his contribution to the LGBTQ community, it's not fair to force him to be in a closeted relationship.  So Nicky will  come out to the congregation, and they can go to the gala together.

When Tareq heads out to the kitchen, Parishioner Rose is there for some reason.  She screams about an "intruder!" I guess you've been outed, buddy."  

Meanwhile, Sister Morgan listens to a podcast about positive affirmations.  Suddenly she hears gunfire, and drops to the floor.  It's just her boyfriend playing a video game!  She reflects on how much she hates him.

Scene 3:  The siblings' Mom and her assistant are working on her mayoral campaign, Nicky drops by to come out. "I met someone.  Rose caught us this morning, so I'm leaving the church.  Also, I'm going be his date for a gala today, so I'll be late to your fundraising barbecue."

Hey, he was already out to Mom. That's cheating!

She wants to know who the boyfriend is, and upon hearing his name, bursts into laughter. "Tareq?  My Tareq? You have got to be kidding me."  I don't know what that means.

She tells Nicky that Tareq wil get the family discount at the store, then dismisses him to work on her campaign.

Scene 4: Some drug dudes are playing poker and talking about how we should tip flight attendants. Kingpin Ivan and Andrei deliver their money.   They try to dismiss him, but he asks for permission to close the store for a few days, to drive Andrei to Florida to visit his mother. Actually, they need to finish the drug deal that Assistant Yusuf started.

"Are you boyfriends?"  I was thinking the same thing.

"No, we're cousins."  Darn.

"Our boss won't like it if you take off for a vacation in the middle of drug season."  I thought the Kingpin was in charge of the drug-trafficking organization, but he appears to be third in the hierarchy (the head of the operation will come as a big reveal in the las episode).  

Scene 5:  Sister Morgan and her Boyfriend (Jack Innanen, butt left) appear at a baby shower, and complain about everything being pink.  Rather gender-polarized.  They play a game called Dirty Diapers, which is as disgusting as it sounds.  Next they discuss potty training, with pictures.    

All the discussion of babies and poop upsets Morgan, so she insists that they leave.  Um...you didn't expect to hear about babies at a baby shower?

More after the break

"Everyone is Doing Great": Four actors face life after fame, with gay hints, kombucha, "Heated Rivalry," "Euphoria," and dicks

Back in 2021, a dark comedy called Everyone is Doing Great dropped on Hulu, featuring a gay guy who moves home because his dad is dying of a brain tumor, and needs someone to take care of his teenage daughters.  I turned it off after ten minutes -- not a fan of shows about dying people.  Five years later, a new season has dropped on Netflix.  The dying dad plotline must be long gone by now, and I'm running low on tv shows with gay characters to review, so here we go, Season 2, Episode 1.

Scene 1: Dude is moving his stuff from a U-Haul to a storage unit.   He posts a selfie to someone who praises him as "sweaty boy," then drinks in the empty truck bed.   Are you planning to live there?

Meanwhile, another dude is picking up trash by the road, probably as part of a community service program.  He must be on probation. He finds a t-shirt with a frog on it, and decides to keep it. 

Meanwhile, two actors playing cops are standing in front of a green screen, ready for a scene where they run from an explosion.   They run, jump onto a mat, and...the director doesn't like it.  Do it again, for the fifteenth time, but this time hold hands so we can see your chemistry, and run like Tom Cruise. They protest, but what the director says, goes.  Another take.

Nope, do it again.

Someone calls out "Michael."  I didn't know if they meant the actor or the director, until I checked the cast list.  It's actor Michael, played by Sean Carrigan.

The lady cop protests: "Grr.  That's enough takes.  There are 45 more scenes in this episode.  I'm going to lunch!"

"What's her problem?" the director asks.  Actor Michael goes to talk to her. 

The director is not named, but the only men not otherwise accounted for in the cast list are Bryan Greenberg (Miles) and Connor Dante (Carlos).   Neither of them look much like our director, but I'm going to go with Bryan Greenberg because he has some butt shots.

Scene 2: U-Haul Guy is finally named: Seth (Stephen Colletti, top photo and left, at least according to LPSG).  After he finishes brushing his teeth from a grooming kit, he sneakily puts his toothbrush into the holder, next to the other one.  I got it -- he's staying with his boyfriend, and hinting that he wants to move in permanently.

Wait -- he's living with a girl?  Must be a gay man-straight woman friendship.

She announces that he can only stay for two weeks.  "Or maybe a month? I'm having trouble finding an apartment."   

"Ok, but stay out of my closet!"  You been trying on your bff's clothes, buddy?

"Sorry, I just like your sweater."

"It was my Dad's, who just died tragically, and we're all in mourning, remember?"  Wait -- didn't U-Haul Guy's Dad die tragically in the first season?  They're getting redundant.

"Ok, so I'll take it off."  Is he trying to entice her with his bare chest?

In other news, U-Haul Guy is excited about his Big Day coming up: a guest star role that could turn into a recurring!  Every actor's dream!

Scene 3: In a room full of 12-step pamphlets, positive affirmations, and a humidifier, Probation Guy is calling to tell someone that Tyler loves them and is sorry that he cheated.  "Just remember, Love is Eternal."

Back story: He's Jeremy (James Lafferty), who starred in the teen vampire-werewolf drama The Eternals (like the Twilight Saga).Now he's making money recording personal greetings for fans, for birthdays and so on.

Boyfriend Raul  (Elliott Bush) comes in.  He works as a tour guide.  The last busload made a mess that he had to clean up, and now he's got kitchen duty.  He collapses onto the bed.  So it's a halfway house.

Cut to Actor Michael asking the lady cop actor if she's ok.  "Don't let the director get to you.  He's a hack.  The nephew of a network executive." 

Back story: the lady cop actor is Andrea (Alexandra Park), who starred with Probation Guy on The Eternals.  I'll bet U-Haul Guy was in it, too.  Maybe the two were vampire/werewolf rivals for The Girl.

Scene 4: U-Haul Guy visits Probation Guy at his halfway house.   

"Oh, you're Seth!" Boyfriend Raul exclaims.  "Probation Guy says your name in his sleep!" 

"Still?"  So they were rivals on camera, boyfriends off.  Juicy!  

"Um...so, you're watching Euphoria?  I watched that last night with my girlfriend."  Heterosexual identity established at Minute 12.  But why bring that up at this moment?  Is he trying to tell Boyfriend Raul that there's nothing to worry about, he's not interested in Probation Guy anymore?

"So, Probation Guy, the court said you had to spend one month in the halfway house, but you've been here two months.  Why?"

"I like it here.  The rent is cheap, and I can make money doing celebrity greeting videos."  

U-Haul Guy brought gifts: beets, watermelon, and some kombucha.  "That's got alcohol. It's not allowed in the house." "No, that's a misconception.  It can't get you drunk." 

More after the break

Recker Eans: The gaydar boy on "Beyond Waverly Place" drums in gay-friendly videos, but is he gay or an ally? With bandmate dicks

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My 24 favorite autobiographical stories: gay hints, sausage sightings, a wiener, a goblin, the Pentecostal Porn Star, and Kevin the Vampire

 I've posted dozens of more-or-less accurate autobiographical stories here and on Tales of West Hollywood, moving from my fundamentalist Nazarene childhood through high school, figuring it out, college, grad school at Indiana University, a horrible year in...ugh...Texas, and on to the heart of the Gay World.  Some of the stories are minimal -- I was trying to cover every gay hint, boyfriend, hookup, and sausage sighting  -- but some are well-written, insightful, humorous, and occasionally erotic.  Here are my 24 favorites.

Childhood

I Fall Asleep in a Sailor's Arms.  On the train on the way back from visiting South Carolina.  He warns me about making friends with "sissies."

The Face of Pure Evil.  The Old Lady Schoolteachers' grandson, who may not have looked like this, rescues me from the Maniac who stalks the hallways of Denkmann Elementary School.

The Answer to the Naked Man's Question. A psychedelic Alice in Wonderland on tv on a golden afternoon, and a naked man who asks a question that I still can't answer. 

Comic Books and Cocks at the Furniture Store. Cousin Buster pranks me by claiming that you can get comic books at the furniture store -- and the delivery guys take off their shirts.  And sometimes their pants.

Grandpa Prater's Banjo  On the day after Christmas, Cousin Buster and I sneak into Grandpa Prater's room to borrow his banjo.

My Wild Night: Pancakes, Massage, and a Wiener.  I broke like six of my parents' rules that night, and was grounded for two weeks.  But at least I got to feel a...

High School

On My Knees in a Cute Guy's Bedroom.  When we went on vacation, we had to go to a local church, where they mistook us for sinners and tried inept soul-winning lines.  But once it worked to my advantage: A cute boy invited me to his bedroom "to pray."

The Preacher Pops a Boner.  Our Bible College invited prospective students to a weekend of campus tours, ball games, nature hikes, classroom visits -- and the boys' dorm lounge, where the only couch invisible to the monitor got quite busy.

Augustana College

The First Gay Rights March in Iowa. Passersby pull their friends out of stores to gawk.  The police watch closely, eager to arrest us if we happen to touch another marcher's hand

I Cheat on My Boyfriend with a Goblin.  The Goblin's name is Dale Schafer-Shit.  But Fred was cheating with him first.  Every friggin' day.

Sharing a Bed with Mary's Brother.  My friend Mary invites me to her horrible house in the suburbs for spring break.  But at least I get to share a bed with a cute bo.

More after the break

"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.1: Dan Levy as a gay Christian pastor with a secret boyfriend and a crazy sister. With Patrick and Pacheco nude.

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