Carrie, 2026: The girl who trashed her prom is back, with doomsday preppers, school lock-downs, and a gay teacher. Plus Rahul and Arik cocks.

 

It's been 50 years since Stephen King's Carrie was first humiliated at her high school prom, and used her telekinetic powers to destroy the school. We have the original novel and the 1976 movie starring Sissy Spacek and John Travolta (plus new versions in 2002 and 2013), so why do we need a new Carrie tv series in 2026?  Because the world is much darker place now, and the themes of fundamentalism, bullying, and being an outsider are more relevant than ever.  Besides, according to the buzz, there's going to be queer content. so let's check.

Each episode is named after a high school class, except for the first, just entitled "First Period."

Scene 1: A series of 911 calls saying that the high school is on fire during the prom, it has spread into the town, everyone is dead. 200 people killed, the whole town destroyed.

Some time later, Focus Character Sue goes on a podcast to tell us that there's something we don't know about what happened in Chamberlain: the whole town destroyed, 200 people killed.  'We were kids, just trying to do our best."

Scene 2: While a conspiracy theorist rants on the radio, a guy (Talmoh Penniket, top photo) leaves his decrepit house and gets into his redneck pickup truck.  The mailbox is locked, and there's a "no soliciting" sign.   He drives to a construction site and gets to work. Uh-oh, a huge pile of bricks falls down on him, crushing him.

Cut to the police talking to the crew foreman.  Somebody has to claim the body, "Did Mr. White ever mention anyone to you?  A boyfriend, a girlfriend?"  Hey, no heteronormativity!  And on Amazon Prime! 

"No.   He didn't talk much.  All I know is that he was a vet, and a bit of a doomsday prepper."

Next the property manager let the police into his house, so they can look for his next-of-kin.  Didn't he have an emergency contact?  I have one at my job, and I don't work with gigantic bricks.  

There's dinner settings for three -- "I thought he lived alone" -- and a thumping in the closet: a mother and daughter hiding.  The daughter is, of course, Carrie.

Scene 3: Back on the podcast, Focus Character Sue is asked to tell them more about Carrie White.  Other students chime in: she was "real quiet," a bully, "genuinely kind," a troublemaker, a victim, a hero. a monster, "my friend."  A social worker adds that Carrie was born in the house, and never left.   They were "a cult of three," with no phones, no television, no internet.  She was "stunningly uninformed," but extremely smart.

Mom hadn't been out of the house in 15 years, either.  The judge agreed that she could keep custody, but she had to go to work, and Carrie had to go to school.

Scene 4: The first dayy of school.  Focus Character Sue fixes breakfast for her two sisters (aren't there any boys in this town?). Mean Girl checks on her Duke University application -- nothing yet -- and suggests that Dad (Michael Trucco, left) build them a new gym to sway her admission.  She wants crepes for breakfast, but Dad refuses and insults his ex-wife.

Cut to a girl putting oatmeal on her face. Everyone rejects her.  Next she tries brown toothpaste.  Now she's a superstar, loved by the whole school.  Wait -- it's an ad?  Impossible.  No ad could be so idiotic.

Mean Girl picks up Sue in her tank-sized car, and they drive to school.  They're both applying to Duke, where they plan to be roommates.

Mom drops Carrie off at school, and cautions: "Take pity on them. Most of them aren't awake. Especially the teachers.  Don't let them fool you."  When I was growing up in the Nazarene Church, they told us that sinners would be trying to brainwash us every moment, so you had to be on guard.  The most casual comment, like "What did you do over the weekend," was suspect.

She enters the school all happy, but is horrified by the metal detector installed to keep school shooters out.  I am, too. Her cross on a chain sets off the alarm.  I would interpret that as an attack on Christianity. Mean Girl and Sue, watching  advise that she stop being poor: precious metals don't set it off.

Next she is horrified by the sight of two girls kissing. Homophobic, or did your limited education not mention the exitence of LGBTQ+ people?  

Weird that no one stares at her for her 19th century pioneer dress. 

Guidance Counselor Morton (Tim Bagley) helps her find her first class.  The actor is gay, but I imagine the character is straight by default.

Left: This series is turning out to be very beefcake-deficient, so here's a nude dude to tide you over.

More after the break

Dan Cudmore: Colossus, Felix, fitness model, and the God of War. Plus his colossal Colossus cock

Canadian actor Dan Cudmore has 51 credits on the IMDB, including Peter Rasputin, aka Colossus, in the X-Men franchise, Felix in the Twilight franchise, Jackhammer in Arrow, Gridlock in The Flash, and Behemoth Thing in Superman & Lois.

He specializes in superheroes and supervillains like Colossus, but he's done other projects.  I first saw him in Magicians, as the God of War.  Apprised that a gay-stereotype god called the Nameless is looking for something the other gods stole from him, he responds "I don't know what it is, but you have my permission to search my ball sack with your tongue."  Sure, that sounds fun, I'd be happy to....oh, wait, you're being homophobic.

I know he's just playing a character, but still, the homophobic quip left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

His other projects include comedies like Fresh Off the Boat, romcoms like All of My Heart (as the romantic lead's friend who devotes his life to getting him laid), and horror like Rites of Passage, which appears to have a gay subtext -- not his. 

Also 14 stunt credits including Psych, The Predator, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

He played a stunt cock at least once.

Some fitness modeling from early in his career

More Daniel after the break

Josh Henderson plays bad boys, gets tied up, but is too small or fundamentalist for nude photos. With Vartan and Hutcherson dicks to make up for it

 

I don't know what to think about Josh Henderson's whitebread name, generic handsomeness, and mildly muscular physique.  You can feel the privilege radiating out from his self-assured high-school jock smirk.  I don't know if I want to kiss him or slap him.

Or tie him up.  You know he'd make a good bondage bottom.

According to his IMDB biography, Josh was born in...ugh...Texas, and grew up in Oklahoma.

His career started shortly after he graduated from Tulsa Memorial High School in 2000, on the talent show Popstars. This gained him a record contract, but the company went bankrupt before his record could be released.

So it was on to guest spots on Maybe Its Me and Do Over, and a starring role in the second season of  One on One (2002-03): A a sportscaster named Flex overprotects his teenage daughter, and disapproves of her relationship with the son of his hated rival.  Guess who plays the son.

Leeches (2003) is one of David DeCoteau's "gay people don't exist, but here are some guys hugging in their underwear" movies.  (They also get tied up and attacked by leeches.)

Josh's next major role was in Season 3 of Desperate Housewives (2006-07).  He played Austin McCann, the bad boy nephew of Edie Britt. He moves in with his fun-loving aunt and starts a relationship with the girl-next-door Julie, but an affair with a neighbor leads to a breakup, and he leaves Wisteria Lane forever. But Julie isn't exactly chaste: she goes on to have an affair with a married man, and gets pregnant after a hookup with a friend (Charlie Carver, left).

In Step Up (2006), Channing Tatum (butt and cock left) plays a juvenile delinquent who becomes a dancer and meets The Girl, but she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend. Guess who.

More after the break

Topper Guild: The youtube star breaks into tv. With Kaido Roberts, muscle men, Nick d*ck, and Topper playing with balls

 

 Something called Topper Guild Creator Essentials appeared in my Hulu recommendations.  I had no idea what it was, but the guy was cute, so I clicked on it.

Episode 1.1, "Roblox 99 Nights in the Forest in Real Life," begins in media res, with Topper, the cameraman Shutters, and a bounty hunter searching in the woods for their pal Kaido (Kaido Lee Roberts, left).  And Topper's "brain rot," whatever that is.

They discover that he has been kidnapped by cultists wearing red robes and deer masks.  

While Shutters researches the cult online, Topper, Mike the Bounty Hunter, and a muscular cop track down four other missing kids.  Each requires a different challenge to be rescued:

Dino Kid: A bucket of roaches.

Kraken Kid: A pool of sticky glop.

 

Squid Kid: A stinky, used cultist robe.  The kid asks for Topper's autograph before he escapes, suggesting that the guy is famous.

Koala Kid: Attacking the cultist guards.  At this point the Cop goes home.  I don't know why.

They are deliberately over-acting, usually while addressing the camera.  Animated images of their thoughts appear over their heads, and there are other animations for no apparent reason.  When Topper tells us "Guys, they're tied up!", the ropes start to glow.  When he says "Maybe I can find something useful in this box," the box starts to glow.  

 I think this sort of thing happens on a show for preschoolers: "Can you find the object that doesn't belong at the beach?  Right, the snowman."  But this isn't for preschoolers; it's rated PG. 

Topper and Mike the Bounty Hunter discover that Kaido is being prepared for sacrifice in the King's mansion, so they go undercover as cultists. Mike is captured, and tied up next to their friend.

Topper/Cultist claims that the King sent him to beat up the captives. While punching, he slips Mike a knife, allowing him to cut the ropes and knock out the guards.  All three escape in Topper's van.

The "brain rot" turns out to be a cutout of a squat, square humanoid formed from the number 6-7 (the meaningless number that kid chant to annoy adults).

Three cast members are listed, but only Kaido Lee Roberts appears on the IMDB: he stars in some of Dhar Man's clickbait videos.

And Topper Guild?  Not really a guild, the guy's name.

Born in 2002, Topper Guild grew up in Los Angeles, but now lives in Austin, Texas.  When he was 12 years old, he began posting humorous pranks and challenges on social media platforms.  He soon gained 84 million youtube subscribers, plus 34 million followers on Tiktok, and 1.3 million on Instagram.

The videos became more elaborate,with fictionalized plots and characters:

"I Build a Secret Room for Ronaldo"

"I Murdered K-Pop Demon Hunters"

"Surviving Evil Kids"

More after the break. Caution: explicit.

The Shards: Rich kid in 1980s L.A., a Primal Urge Boy, two downlow boyfriends, a serial killer, and Tom Blythe's dick. Plus Wes Bentley when he was cute.

  

When I was researching my profile of soap opera kid Redding Munsell, I discovered that nihilistic author Brett Easton Ellis is gay!  I did a conference presentation on some of his novels awhile ago, when I was at USC, and had him pegged as heterosexual -- and homophobic.  Now I'm interested in The Shards on Hulu, a tv series about Brett's years as an alienated, nihilistic teenager facing a serial killer.  Plus it's set in Los Angeles in the early 1980s, so maybe it has nostalgia value. 

Warning: It's produced by Ryan Murphy, who usually presents his gay characters as amoral monsters.

Scene 1: Brett (Igby Rigney, left) tells us that The Shining opened on May 23rd, 1980, and he wanted to see it as soon as possible, because the original novel made him want to become a writer. In fact, he had already started Less than Zero.  So he had to go without the gang.  

Smoking a cigarette, he drives his dad's Mercedes down the streets of Westwood (near UCLA). He parks right outside the theater (tv cliche), buys his Junior Mints, and sits down to see a tall, tan "stunningly handsome" boy who aroused "some primal urge."  After some lingering glances, the boy walks out.  Wrong screen, buddy?

After the movie, Brett can't find the boy. That's because he left the theater.  "His name was Robert Mallory (Homer Gere,  the son of Richard Gere, left), and his arrival at my high school will coincide with a season of horror and murder that will destroy us all."  Don't give away the story!

Scene 2: Brett tells us that kids today have it easy, with no problems (except for global warming, fascism, racism, homophobia, transphobia...). His generation fought serial killers, including the most sadistic of them all.  Brett, stop giving away the story!  It's annoying!   

A girl arrives at her gigantic palace, and can't find her dog, the fish tank is half empty, and everything in the medicine chest is turned upside-down.  

Later, she goes to the supermarket to put her lost dog flier up amid the dozens of others, and sees the one for her dog, up already!  As she gets into her car, she is grabbed, knocked out, and shoved in a van.

Scene 3: Brett and his girlfriend zoom down the Pacific Coast Highway, exuberant about being sixteen and able to drive, so they have infinite freedom!   Cut to the group having patty melts at the Hamburger Habit (I remember that place): a guy, a boy-girl couple, and a girl on each side of Brett moving in to kiss him.  Geez. at least let him finish his burger.

The group shrinks to four as they have dinner at the Galleria before playing at the video arcade, browsing at Tower Records or buying books at "any of the large bookstores that dotted the streets" in those days before Amazon took over.   I'm all for nostalgia, but this is getting egregious.  Tell me more about how everything was perfect in the Good Old Days, Grandpa.  Besides, I was there, and he's exaggerating the number of bookstores

I think the flashbacks have stopped.  They're at Girlfriend Debbie's place, and she's warning them not to spook her $1,000,000 Arabian horse.  Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend Thom (Graham Campbell) start making out.  Brett looks on longingly.  Adult Brett explains that Susan was the most beautiful girl in the world, and he still considers her the Love of His Life, although they never dated.  Debbie just started making out with him one day, so what are you going to do?  Are you sure you're gay, buddy?

Cut to a montage of Brett diving into his pool, getting dinner from the housekeeper, working on his writing, and masturbating. 

Scene 4: Brett asks Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend if  they're coming to the last party of the summer at Debbie's house.  Thom says they'll be there, but Debbie's dad makes him uncomfortable: "He's so goddam gay!"  Got a problem with gay people, Thom?  Good thing your buddy Brett is straight.

"Yeah, he's pretty gay," Brett agrees, "But he's won two Oscars. Maybe he can help get my book made into a movie.  Ok, I checked the producers of "Less Than Zero."  Google AI insists that they're all "not gay" and make "family films."  

More after the break

Gage Beule: South Dakota wrestler poses in singlets a lot, posts nothing else. But they are really nice singlets, plus nude guys named Gage.

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Leonard Bernstein, Aaron the Rabbi's Son, and a poem about masks on the verge of coming out

Sorry for two autobiographical stories in a row, but I'm trying to build up my Fiction/Travel Index

When I was a kid, my church had no problem with classical music, but my parents hated "that longhair stuff," so there was none in the house.  My first exposure to Bach, Berlioz, Beethoven, and Mozart came through a series of Young People's Concerts  which appeared occasionally on Sunday afternoons, hosted by famous composer Leonard Bernstein.

Later, when I joined the school orchestra, I learned more about Leonard Bernstein.

I saw his gay symbolism-heavy musicals, On the Town (1949), starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, and West Side Story (1961), starring gay actor George Chakiris and assorted high-stepping hunks.

And his Symphony #3, Kaddish, named after the Jewish prayer for the dead.

He appeared on tv, conducting Gershwin, Mahler, and Beethoven.

No one ever mentioned that he was gay, off course, and his works revealed nothing, except maybe the Serenade for Solo Violin, Strings, Harp, and Percussion, after Plato's Symposium (1954).  The Symposium contains Plato's famous defense of same-sex love.

In the spring of my senior year, Aaron, the rabbi's son who was gay (but didn't know it yet), invited me to a performance of Bernstein's Mass, a musical theater piece based on the Latin Mass.  

"Wait -- isn't Bernstein Jewish?"

He nodded.  "That's what makes it interesting."

Nazarenes weren't supposed to associate with Catholics, or have anything to do with Catholic music, so of course I wanted to go.

 There are three acts.

Act 1: Devotion and Celebration.  The celebrant invites the congregants to worship.  They begin authentically, but then doubt creeps in.  Nazarenes were told that it was a sin to doubt the existence of God, the inerrancy of the Bible, or the fundamental beliefs like the Virgin Birth: the Devil's primary temptation was not to do bad things, but to doubt. But here it is celebrated as part of the worship experience.  How can God be with us when there is so much suffering in the world?

Originally the congregants mentioned war, but in more recent versions, they mention racism and homophobia.

Act 2:  Crisis and Collapse: The anxieties and doubts of the congregants take their toll on the celebrant, who has a spiritual collapse, breaks the sacred objects, and screams in rage against God.

What  I say -- I don't feel.
What I feel -- I can't show.
What I show -- isn't real.
What is real?  Oh Lord, I don't know.

Suddenly I realized that he was mirroring the interrogation that I received constantly from parents, friends, teachers, my brother, the preacher at church,  "What girl do you like?  What girl?  What girl?  What girl?" 

Every boy has discovered girls at your age.  Every boy has experienced True Love, that fills "the hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame."  If you haven't, you must pretend.  Smile, grin, flirt, talk about how much you long for feminine smiles, every day, every hour, for the rest of your life.

In the third act, Resolution, a boy emerges from the congregation and sings "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help," offering hope in the midst of despair.  The celebrant is restored, and the Mass continues.

But I wasn't paying attention.

More after the break

What has Ian Winningkoff been up to lately? Hint: you'll need several n*de dudes, one going downtown, to get through it all

 In October 2023, I posted a profile of Ian Winningkoff: Young Chuck Montgomery in Righteous Gemstones Season 3, Classmate #2 in an episode of Secrets of Sulphur Springs, and Danny Zuko in a local production of Grease.  There were a lot of page views during the first week or so, and then they dwindled to near zero, the usual fate of profiles of actors who aren't particularly famous. 

 But during the last few days, the number of page views has skyrocketed, leading me to wonder if something has happened.  Did Ian get a starring role in a big production?  Did he come out?  Did he get arrested?

So let's check Ian's Instagram, his dad's Facebook page, and his high school website to see what he's been up to lately.

In the summer of 2024, Ian starred as Troy Bolton in a local production of High School Musical.

2024-25 was his senior year at Ben Franklin High in New Orleans.  We see him in January 2025, filling out a profile for the NCSA college recruiting website: "I love the game of basketball on a larger note then just playing, but my dream is to play for a college program."

And he's got a goatee that makes him look like a Disney villain.  Not just Disney:  Leonardo DiCaprio, Wes Bentley, Tom Cruise, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman, and Spock got bearded up when their character went dark.

Mardi Gras, 2025: Ian is hanging with some rather hot homies, no girls. So, into guys, buddy? 

In April 2025, Ian's dad notes that he is starring in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

A photo dump from April 2025 shows Ian hugging his buddy Xander, who will receive the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award and be named to the LHSAA All-Academic Team.  Quite an impressive boyfriend -- oh, wait, the rest of the photos show Ian hugging, kissing, and pretending to strangle a girl.

May 2025, Ian's Senior Prom photo dump: multiple scenes of hugging, kissing, pretending to strangle, dancing in his underwear with, sticking his tongue out at, and licking the corsage of a girl.  I'm getting the impression that Ian is heterosexual.

More after the break.  

The Top 12 Hunks of "School Spirits," living or not. A surprising number have posted dick pics.

 

School Spirits (2023-) stars Peyton List as Maddie Near, a high school student who suddenly finds herself wandering among the ghosts of other students (and one faculty member) who died at Split River High.  They have more lax rules than the ghosts of Ghosts: they can eat, change clothes, read books, and manipulate objects (although everything resets); but they cannot leave school property, and they cannot communicate with the living.  Except Maddie can.  Her ghost and living friends work together to solve the mystery of her disappearance.  Spoiler alert: She's not really dead.

There's some gay representation, and the beefcake quotient is very high.  Here are the top twelve hunks (with their dicks after the break):

1. Kristian Ventura as Simon, who had an unrequited crush on Maddie, and now can see and talk to her.  He's one of the main suspects in her disappearance.

2. Josh Zuckerman as Mr. Martin, a chemistry teacher who died in a lab explosion in 1968.  He runs an Afterlife Support Group, and gives the students assignments that supposedly will help them move on to the afterlife.  But he has a lot of secrets.

3. Nick Pugliese, top photo and left, as Charley, who died of a peanut allergy in the 1990s, just after a fight with his boyfriend (who is now a teacher at the school, so Maddie asks Simon to arrange an apology). 

4. Miles Elliot as Yuri, who died in the 1970s.  In order to avoid Mr. Martin's activities, he pretended to be cycling (only semi conscious, repeating the same action over and over); but in Season 2 he joins the gang, and starts dating Charley.

5. Zack Calderon (left) as Diego Herrera, the older brother of Maddie's living friend Nicole.

6. Milo Mannheim as Wally Clark, who died at a football game in the 1980s (the stadium is named after him).  He insists that the gang watch only sports movies, and continues to work out, leading one to conclude that ghosts have functioning cardiovascular systems.  In Season 2, Maddie and Wally start dating.

Dick pic after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"English Teacher": Gay teacher, his ex-boyfriend, and his homophobic buddy face woke culture and get naked

I spent the worst year of my life teaching English at Homophobe State University in Hell, aka a far northern suburb of Houston, Texas. The minute I submitted the last of the final grades, I got in my car and drove nonstop until that blessed "You are now leaving Hell" sign was receding into the distance.

So the new Hulu series, English Teacher, about an English teacher in small town Hell...I mean Texas...piqued my interest.  I could relive how hideously horrible it was, from the safe distance of my living room a thousand miles away.

Score -- none of the promotional materials let on, but this English teacher, Evan, played by Brian Jordan Alvarez,  is gay.  Let the rampant homophobia begin.

Left: the worst place in the world

And Brian Jordan Alvarez's cock, to take your mind off the horror.

Wait -- in English Teacher, everyone knows that Evan is gay.  Not a problem.  The problem is, he's kind of a jerk.

The much more woke students want to cancel him, for instance, because he said that he couldn't understand why lesbians aren't attracted to men.  Lots of people aren't attracted to men, idjit!

In the first episode, a parent wants him fired, claiming that he turned her kid gay by kissing his then-boyfriend and current hookup, played by Jordan Firstman, in front of the class. 

Left: Jordan's dick.

More after the break