"You can't sit here feeling sorry for yourself for the rest of your life," Jesse told him. "You have obligations to the church. We need you."
"I can't go back to leading the youth ministry," Kelvin said softly. "It will remind me of Keefe."
"It isn't just being reminded, Dummy," Judy said. "Once you get admitted to this family, you don't get un-admitted. Keefe will still be around. You'll see him at church, at Sunday dinner, everywhere, so get used to it."
Kelvin hadn't thought of that. "How could I ever see him without crying?"
"Just man up and deal with it," Jesse told him. "You're not the first guy to get dumped by his boyfriend."
"He wasn't my boyfriend," Kelvin protested. "He was my...he was my life. He was my world."
Judy scoffed. "Well, maybe what you need is a good old-fashioned boyfriend. Not the beginnig and end of your world, just someone to go out and have fun with. You know, dating. If it turns into true love, fine; if not, at least you got your dick sucked."
"Judy!"
"I'm not an expert on what gay guys like," Jesse said, "But if you want an outside opinion, I think you've got it all. You're handsome, you're muscular, you have a gay wardrobe, and you're famous. I'll bet half the gay boys in the country used to jerk off to your Kelvin's Chastity Club posters."
"I always wondered about that," Judy said. "You and Zac Efron in swimsuits, holding hands. How does that promote chastity?"
"There were no girls in the poster. Just two guys having fun...um...together." Kelvin caught himself. Were those posters homoerotic? How would he know? At age 15, he didn't even know what "gay" meant. "Anyway, I didn't design it. Blame the church's pr department."
"Send in $5, and get an autographed picture of Kelvin with a bulge in his jeans," Judy continued. "$10 if you want him to whip it out."
"I did not have a bulge," Kelvin protested. "Well, just my natural body contours. I can't help my size." He found himself smiling for the first time in days. It felt good to be the subject of his siblings' teasing. Maybe his life wasn't over. Maybe he had a future after all.
Maybe he should go out on a date.
But who to ask? He couldn't just walk into a gay bar -- the tabloids would love it! Someone from the church? Was there a dating app for gay Christians? Wait -- Percy, the designer who worked on the executive board room. He seemed nice, and he was kind of cute. Not obviously buffed, but he probably worked out -- all gay guys did.
He was soft-spoken, maybe a little femme, but was he actually gay? The name Percy, an interior designer -- weren't those stereotypes? Kelvin didn't remember seeing a wedding ring.
One way to find out: he put on his most bulging, muscle-displaying outfit and drove out to the design studio in Charleston. Percy was at his desk, talking to two clients. Kelvin waved, and he waved back.
A good sign, right?
Kelvin sat on one of the design couches and played with his cell phone to calm his nerves. Gay dating apps -- what was Grindr about?
"Hey, Kelvin." Percy sat down beside him, almost but not quite seeing his Gridr profile, and put a hand on his shoulder. His hand on my shoulder, Kelvin thought. That's a gay thing, right? "How's your board room working out."
"Oh, it's great. We love the frescos with Jesse as a Christian warrior and me holding a little child."
"I was going for a Father, Son, and Holy Ghost motif."
Percy was looking directly into his eyes! His heart was pounding. "So..."
"So...." Percy repeated, an eyebrow raised.
"So I was wondering....um...if you are free Friday night, would you like to come over to the house for dinner?"
Percy looked surprised. "You mean, with the family?"
"No...um...just me. Just me and you, I mean."
"Oh...oh. Sure, I'd be happy to."
"Great!"
They stared at each other. The little bell on the door rang: another client! But Kelvin still couldn't speak.
Percy giggled and touched his hand. "Here's where you tell me what time to come, Kelvin."
"Oh...oh, right. Come at 8:00." 8:00 seemed a little late for dinner, but when people went out on dates in movies, they always said "I'll pick you up at 8:00."
"Ok. Gotta run. Can't wait until Friday!" He squeezed Kelvin's hand and rushed off to greet his clients.
Gulp. Kelvin spend the next three days watching every romcom in BJ's collection, and taking notes. Darn, he and Percy never had a meet-cute. But the first date was standardized. It always involved three steps.
More after the break
Step 1: The dinner. Something easy to eat -- you needed to talk -- not messy, and elegant. Instead of asking their -- his -- housekeeper to cook, Kelvin ordered from the Delaney Oyster House: oysters with caviar and chives, blistered shishito peppers, Spanish octopus, arugula salad, and petit fours. Kelvin never asked the price of anything, but he did this time, so it wouldn't look like he was showing off. $320. That seemed reasonable.
Dinner conversation: never mention your ex, don't talk about bedroom activities, ask about him. (Percy grew up in Atlanta, studied at the Savannah College of Art and Design, and lived in New York for five years before moving back to the South.)
Step 2: The movie. Romance, to put him in a romantic mood? Comedy, to put him in a good mood? How about both? Kelvin decided on When We First Met, with Adam DeVine as a guy who gets zapped back in time over and over to convince the Girl of His Dreams to fall in love with him. People always said that Kelvin looked like Adam DeVine, so maybe Percy would connect them somehow.
During the movie, you're supposed to yawn, stretch, and put your arm around the guy. Kelvin tried it, and Percy obligingly leaned against him. But then he thought of all of the nights that he cuddled with Keefe on this same couch, and started to tear up. He managed to say "Excuse me...something in my eye" before rushing out.
For the rest of the movie, he kept his distance.
Step 3: The kiss. Usually the kiss occurred on the doorstep when you were dropping him off at his apartment, but Percy was actually in Kelvin's house. So, on the doorstep as he was leaving?
When the movie ended, they stood and faced each other. Kelvin stared awkwardly. Should he try the kiss now? Percy giggled. "This is a beautiful house. Who did your interior design?"
"I don't really know. Daddy gave me the house on my 21st birthday. It was already...um..interior designed."
"I know all the designers in town. I bet I can tell you -- just give me a tour."
Kelvin took his hand, and they toured the game room, the study, the chapel, the gym, and upstairs the master bedroom, and the two guest suites. As they walked back into the upstairs foyer, Percy announced: "That was easy. Haute Designs. They love that dark wood and Jazz Age blue."
Then apparently having taken the same rom-com notes, Percy pulled Kelvin close and kissed him. Soft, warm, not very exciting. Keefe kissed with his whole heart and soul, with the hard intensity of a wild beast. It made your head spin!
After the kiss, Percy began unbuttoning Kelvin's shirt, kissing his chest at every button, while groping him through his pants. Kelvin felt himself getting aroused.
"On the first date?" Kelvin murmured. Percy dropped to his knees, unzipped him, and started kissing and licking his cock. Well, if it was expected in gay culture...
Step 4: Sex
Percy followed Kelvin into the master bedroom, stopping every few feet to kiss him. They took off their clothes and fell down onto the bed and started kissing and fondling each other's cocks. Percy was surprisingly muscular, with a small but very hard cock. No, I will not compare his with Keefe's. That man was a Greek god. No one on Earth could compare with him.
Percy moved down the bed and started on Kelvin's cock again, licking the head, moving up and down the shaft, biting? while fondling his balls. Kelvin tried to imagine Keefe down there, the most beautiful man in the world, the love of his life...and he started to soften.
"Something wrong, Kelvin?" Percy asked. "Not into the biting?"
"No, this is great. Keep going."
But whatever Percy tried, Kelvin couldn't get hard again. Finally he said "Babe, you should have told me that you were a total bottom," and tried to push Kelvin over onto his stomach.
"No, that's not it. I guess I'm a little tired. Hard workout this morning, so I wouldn't disappoint you."
"I'm never disappointed when I'm with a gorgeous guy," Percy said. "We don't have to do anything sexual." He moved up and faced Kelvin. "We can cuddle, or just talk. Actually, that's what I figured we would be doing. It's a little early to start dating again."
"You know about Keefe?"
"Dude, all of Charleston knows. Your breakup made Page One of the Gay Times."
Kelvin's heart sank. "What?"
"Just kidding. Charleston has a small gay community. I know Keefe's BFF from the Gay Men's Chorus, so of course I heard all about the break-up. I knew that I was a rebound date."
"Then why did you say yes?"
"Weren't you listening before? A gorgeous guy with a bulge that won't quit asks me out, and you think I'd say no? By the way, I wasn't going to tell you this, because I thought it would turn you off, but since we're coming clean about everything, you were my first crush. When I was in junior high, I used to jack off to your Kelvin's Chastity Club poster."
Kelvin laughed. "You and every other gay kid in the country. God help me, I had no idea that poster was homoerotic." He paused. "Look, Percy, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted."
"Are you kidding? I got a free dinner, a designer's tour of a Gemstone mansion, a really nice kiss, and a cock down my throat." He lay against Kelvin's chest. "I'd call this evening an unqualified success."
"So, what do we do now?"
"I suggest either a grand gesture to win Keefe back, or getting a grip and moving on. Either way, you have a new best friend to complain to, rate bulges with, and buy lunch." Percy kissed him on the cheek, then sprang from the bed and gathered up his clothes. "I'm free on Tuesday, by the way, and I'm partial to oysters and caviar."
"It's a date." Suddenly Kelvin wasn't feeling quite as lost.
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