"There's More to Me Than Meets the Eye": A Clay Chang Adventure. With Gideon Gemstone and a special appearance by Scotty Steele

Gideon's Prayer Time

Gideon's Prayer Time is at 11:00 am Wednesday!  Who's free at that hour except nursing-home oldsters?  And College of Charleston students, I guess.  Watching Gideon Gemstone reading off notecards the same words he has written on a powerpoint slide.  

It's stupid of me, but when I saw him at the Prism party yesterday, smiling, unconcerned about the many LGBTQ people around him, I figured he must be gay.  And beautiful, with a round face, light blue eyes, a slim, tight physique obvious even under his uncomfortable-looking Sunday suit. 

I feel like a total language geek, but I'm a Classics major, taking a seminar in Catullus, so can I help it if he popped into my head:

Equal to Jove that youth may be

Greater than Jove he seems to me

At the sight, my senses fly.

I needs must gaze, and gazing, die

Yesterday Ricky pulled my jaw off the floor and told me that he was Gideon Genstone, Kelvin's nephew.  And he was standing right next to his grandfather.  I'm not going to approach a guy standing next to world-famous evangelist Eli Gemstone! 

Who am I kidding?  I would be too shy anyway.

Prayer Time has certainly proven that Gideon is no Jove.  The existence of God, his omnipresence, the expiatory sacrifice of Jesus Christ, all in 45 minutes of stumbling theological jargon, with the conclusion: "love one another"!  

I'm having second thoughts about my gaydar.  Gay guys never become ministers - with Kelvin an obvious exception.  Gideon never comes to Prism, even as a guest speaker.  I've never even seen him with Kelvin and Keefe.  Surely if their nephew was gay, they would hang out.

He's looking at me!  He made direct eye contact!  Of course, I'm probably noticeable, the only Asian and only person under 90 in the audience.  Still, doesn't that mean something? 

"You can stay or you can go, but it's over."  Weird way to end a service -- not even a closing prayer. I stand behind the oldsters so I'll be the last one out, and I can start a conversation.

He's smiling -- a good sign.  I shake his hand -- warm, firm, sexy?  "Hi, I'm Clay Chang."

 "Gideon Gemstone.  It's good to see a young face at Prayer Time."

"It was an interesting presentation.  A lot of complex theology."

"Yeah...um...you don't have to be nice on my account.  I knew I screwed up."

Confiding in me?  Must be because we're the same age?  "No, it was fine.  You just need some instruction on homilectics."  I refrain from telling him that "homilectics" means "preaching."  "I took a class my sophomore year at Charleston Southern -- thought I was going to be a preacher."  I hesitate. He looks at me quizzically.  Do I dare put my hand on his shoulder?  "I have my old class notes back in my apartment -- I can bring them by the church later, or if you want to have lunch..."  

"Sure, lunch sounds great," he says with a smile.  

Suddenly I'm feeling hot.  My heart is racing.  "Ok...um, so meet me in an hour.  Do you want to go to Dudley's?  They're serving lunch now."

He frowns.  Because he doesn't know that Dudley's is a gay bar, or because he knows, and isn't gay?

Think of an alternative, fast!  "Or...um..the Brown Dog Deli, on Calhoun?"  

"Ok, Brown Dog Deli in an hour."  We face each other.  I can't stop grinning.  What do I do now?  Hug him?  Kiss him?  He seems to be having the same dilemma.  Suddenly we both laugh, and he reaches out for another handshake.  

"Bye."

Kelvin

Driving to my apartment, digging out my notes, doing 100 push-ups so I'll have a chest, showering, deciding on a hot but not slutty outfit, driving to the Brown Dog...that leaves six minutes to rush down Kelvin's office next to the Prism Prayer Room.  

No books except for several copies of the Bible; no desk, just a serpentine-slide thing that looks like a throne; and a lot of exercise machines: our guy likes to work out during his office hours.  Right now he's doing bicep curls -- huge biceps!  I see them three times a week, but I still can't take my eyes off them.  Except to look at the enormous club-bulge in his gym shorts.  Is that real or augmented by a balled-up sock?   

"Clay, My Man!" he exclaims.  "Sit down!  How's that paper on Catullus coming?"  How does he remember all the details of everyone who goes to Prism?

"Fine, I guess. Still stuck in the introduction.  Actually,  I stopped by because I need your advice."

'That's what I'm here for, Boyo. What's on your heart?"

"Um...the thing is, I'm having lunch with Gideon in 53 minutes."

"Who...Gideon Gemstone?  My nephew Gideon?"  He looks surprised.  Too surprised.  "In the market for a new spiritual leader?"

I smile.  Kelvin is jealous!  "No, actually...um...I'm not sure whether it's a friend hang or a date.  I don't even know if Gideon is gay."  

This is the part where Kelvin tells me "Of course he's gay."  He would know, right?

But Kelvin frowns.  "I'm afraid I can't help you there.  I have no idea about Gideon.  He mostly keeps to himself -- we've never had a heart-to-heart talk.  I've maybe said ten words to him in the last year, and four of those words were 'Happy Birthday!' and 'Merry Christmas'"

My heart sinks.  Why would Gideon be gay and not confide in his uncle?  

"Does he ever bring a friend to the family dinner?"

"Not that I can remember. Wait -- there was a guy named Scotty, a couple of years ago, came out from California to visit Gideon, and stayed for two or three weeks.  They were, like, together every moment."

"A boyfriend?"  

"I don't know, but he turned out to be a crook.  He robbed the church's Easter offering and left Gideon and his Dad tied up in the vault."  He pauses.  "Come to think of it, that's the last person outside the family that I've seen Gideon with."

My six minutes are over.  I thank Kelvin, steal anouther peek at his biceps, and rush out.

The Brown Dog

Gideon orders the Susan Hayward Salmon Salad.  I always get a Coney Island Chili-Cheese Dog with fries -- it's the Brown Dog Deli, right?  But I don't want to stain my shirt, or get onion on my breath on the off chance that there will be kissing later -- so I order the Soup of the Day.  

He reads aloud the list of required textbooks from my homilectics class: "Contemporary Preaching, Comedy Preaching, Preaching to People with Disabilities, Homilectics from an Asian-American Perspective..." Ulp, he skips over A Queer Homilectic.  "I like the Week 1 Lecture: 'Skip the slides, or at least use them well.'"

"Yeah, the idea is that preaching is different from lecturing to a classroom.  You're trying to reach people's hearts, not their heads."

"Sounds like you were very good at it."

"I just got a B+.  In my family, anything under an A++ is considered a failure."

"Is that why you tranferred to the College of Charleston and became a Classics major?"

"No, I just fell in love with Latin.  Ovid. Apuleius.  Virgil's Eclogues.  Formosum pastor Corydon ardebat Alexin." Oh no, it's about a guy named Alexis in love with the beautiful shepherd Corydon.  Why did I quote that?  What if he asks for a translation?

Saved by the bell: our food arrives, giving me a chance to change the subject.  "My parents wanted me to major in business and like sit in an office all day, talking about stocks or something.  They really didn't like my decision to major in classics -- dead languages, and not even Asian!  They had this image in their head of me with a wife and kids, a house in the suburbs, mowing the lawn, barbecuing, fixing the rain gutters.

"I had the same problem.  My parents wouldn't let me be me.  They had this image of me as a perfect little church boy.  When I was 16, I ran way to California, and didn't talk to my dad for a year."

A moment of connection!  I reach out and cup my hand over Gideon's.  He draws away. Because he's not gay, because he's not into me, or because he needs his hand to hold his fork?

I pretend not to notice.  "What brought you back to South Carolina?"

"I've been going back and forth.  A few months in L.A., then a few months at home.  I'm not sure where I belong.  Maybe I don't belong anywhere."

Gideon is lost, and lonely.  Gay or not, maybe he just needs a friend.

We eat in silence for a few minutes.  Then: "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Tomorrow night?  Like a real date?  Maybe he just needs a boyfriend!  "I have a seminar in Apuleus at 10:00, but I'm free after that."

"My Uncle Baby Billy is filming at tv show about Jesus as a teenager.  They're doing it campy, like a modern day high school."

I know -- I've dated the guy who plays Teenjus.  But I tell Gideon.  "That sounds interesting."

"Want to drop by and watch a rehearsal tomorrow? We could get dinner later."

He is definitely describing a date!

I spend the rest of the day vaguely listening to professors lecture and my roommate drone on about some video game, while thinking about Gideon.  Hopefully he's a bottom -- he's so soft and slim, sort of femme, he's got to be a bottom.  Not that I would mind going downtown....

More after the break

Solar Opposites Episode 4.9: Skyler Gisondo plays a muscular bat-alien with a human boyfriend, plus Thomas Middleditch penis

 

Solar Opposites is an animated sitcom about a family of sentient slugs that crash-landed on Earth and must look for a way home while adapting to bizarre human customs like gender polarization:  Korvo (Justin Roilland/Dan Stevens), the "man of the house," resistant to assimilation; Terry (Thomas Middleditch), the childcare expert, who eagerly adopts human culture;  Yumyulak (Sean Giambone), the teenage boy, a rebel who hates humans; and a teenage girl and pupa (infant).  

But this is a review of an episode where no one in the family appears except in flashbacks.  I'm including a beefcake photo of Sean Giambone (left) and frontals of Thomas Middleditch (below) anyway. 

Episode 4.9, "Down and Out on Planet X-Non," stars Glenn (Kieran Culkin), the family's snoopy neighbor, who got blasted into space.  He joined the SilverCops Space Force, but they framed him for murder.  He had to flee into the wilderness of an alien planet, fighting monsters and nearly dying many times.  And now his story continues in what seems to be the pilot for a spin-off.

Scene 1: After having an "expositional dream," Glenn awakens in a run-down office, naked.  Zy (Skyler Gisondo, top photo), a muscular being with a bat-head, found him in the wilderness, half-dead.  "What were you doing all alone in the woods?"

"I go there to jerk off," Glenn jokes.  "I got a thing for trees.  Why am I naked?"

"Your clothes were soaked with piss and shit." 

Zy infers that he has a "secred, fucked-up past," so he'll be perfect for their group of multi-species thieves and con-men.  

Glen tries to leave, but outside the door, beings are robbing and killing each other, so he decides to stay.  First queer code; Zy puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder and leaves it there.

Scene 2: The tour.  Most of the group has holograms on their chest, which means "they need extra help." 

"But I don't have a hologram on my chest," Glenn complains.

"I'm sure you have a hologram in your heart."  Awww..getting a little crush on this human, Zy?

Second queer code: Hand on shoulder again.  Third queer code: Again.  Gee, Zy can't keep his hands off Glenn.

Scene 3:  Interview with the group leader, Skeletom, a hippie dude with a glowing green skeleton.  He explains: "This place is for people who don't fit in."  Island of Misfit Toys, huh?  Queer code #3.  "No one else has our backs, so we have to be family to each other."

Scene 4: Glenn, Zy, a cat-being, and a Cthulhu-being on a scam run. Zy explains that the 'Raffs (sentient giraffes) took over and pushed the indigenous population into slums, using SilverCops to break heads:  "They claim they're keeping the peace, but they're racist as hell, and they play the natives against each other."  Cthulhu Lives Matter.  

Uh-oh, their last victim called the SilverCops.  Run!  Hiding in an alley, they discuss how much they hate the Sils.  And Glenn is one!  If they find out, he'll lose their friendship -- or worse.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.7: Pontius and Kelvin have their nards threatened, Gideon finds his voice, and skaters show their d*cks

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6, Continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life.  With Mongolian men and Jace's junk

Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV.  The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.  Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.

The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.

My Animal Magnetism:  We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator!  Various hooks, tools, skins, and Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."  

Lori drives up and yells "Nope!  We're not doing this again!"  She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with.  She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.

He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away.  Must be my animal magnetism."  But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time?  I'd be calling the moment it happened.

Big Gus: Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus.  "Gators are territorial.  Invade their territory, they'll bite you."  Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience!  The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy.  It must be a misdirection.

Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop.  Shouldn't he have someone working during the show?   Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble." 

Sick, Nasty Stuff: Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge.  He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men.  Call, click, connect.  First half hour free."

Ok, this has to be fake.  Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly.  Escorts usually work from a standard client list.  You would neveer specify "wealthy men."  And what does "first half hour free" mean?  You charge by the act, not by the hour.

Money-Hungry: At lunch, Eli asks Lori about the escort business. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me."  There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.

Eli also ran a credit check.  "You're broke.  You declared bankruptcy last year."

This makes Lori angry.  Accusing her of being a "whore," and then of being a gold-digger!  "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money.  I thought she was exaggerating."  She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out. 

Kelvin Goes Into Hiding:  Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in. 

Kelvin: "This is what cowards do.  They hide in their forts."  In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?  

Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is concerned, but he doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned.  They just realized that I am a failure."

But tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going.  Now go away."

Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today.  Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."

Monkey Shines:  In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times -- while Judy fumes.   

Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her.  Then it jumps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor.  She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt.  Gross!  

BJ says that it's not a competition.  He loves both Judy and the Monkey.

Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy.  Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe."  Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses BJ and the Monkey's request that she visit him.

Kelvin's Nards: At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest).  He was the only real competition."  Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all.  It strengthens me."

Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin -- if he has the nards to show."   He takes a meatball from Jesse's plate and, pretending that it is a testicle, eats it.  "Tasty."

Left: Kelvin's nards.

More nards after the break

Gemstones Season 4 Memes: Kelvin is kissing, Jesse is packing, and Pontius is coming out. With random n*de dudes and the Wicked Witch of the West

  

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- from The Righteous Gemstones Season 4.  Most don't don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.  There are also a few random n*de dudes.

1. Random n*de dude

2. Isn't the wiener-licking monster implied?

Keefe" I don't have time for the Kissy Monster right now."

Kelvin: "How about the Wiener-Licking Monster"?

3. Listing the heterosexuals would be faster

Vance: "How many homosexuals in your family?"

Jesse: "If you mean gay men, just two.  If you mean bi/pan guys, there's Daddy, Uncle Baby Billy, Keefe, Pontius, and...why are you in that position?"

4. Don't forget jumping out of buildings.

My name is Gideon Gemstone.

My first boyfriend was the Devil.

I took out the Cycle Ninjas.

I smashed the Brotherhood of Tomorrow's Fires.

I'm a skateboard phenom.

But the greatest challenge I'll ever face is preaching the Sunday sermon.

5. Jesse knows what he likes.

Corey: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Don't worry, Gaven Wilde, Sean Ryan Fox, and their characters are all over 18

6. Corey cock.  

More memes after the break

Skyler's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 5: Bathtub pic, glory hole pic, hanging with Scotty pic. With Corenswet and Hoult backsides

 

This is a collection of cute/cool or hot/humorous photos of  Skyler Gisondo, star of The Santa Clarita Diet and The Righteous Gemstones, and Jimmy Olson in the upcoming Superman: Legacy.  

1. "Another photo collection?  Haven't you seen enough of me?"

I can't help it, buddy.  You keep posting homoerotic pics.

2. And now that you're starring in Superman, we have David Corenswet to worry about, too.

3. And Nicholas Hoult/Lex Luther

4. "Hey, I thought this was a photo collection about me."

Sorry.  How about a long-hair bathtub pic?

5. "Have you met my girlfriend?"

Odd time to introduce her.

6. I don't care what you do in private, but let's get back to the homoeroticism.  Tell me about your relationship with Scott McArthur when you were filming "Righteous Gemstones" Season 1.

"We really carped the diem… from frisbee golf courses to to swamp tours to bondage... I mean bluegrass concerts to cock...I mean chasing down the best fried chicken sandwich in Charleston."

More after the break.  Caution: explicit

Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Jesse jealous, and Kelvin scared. Plus a Big Dick and a play within a play

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.3, Continued: Vance is homophobic, Jesse is sad, and Kelvin is doomed.  With Ryan, Vance, and Hamlet d*cks

Title: "He Goeth Before You Into Galilee."  Matthew 28.7 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary see that the tomb of Jesus is empty.  An angel tells them to tell the disciples that he has risen from the dead, and "he goeth before you ointo Galilee."  

Welcome to Galilee Gulch.  Baby Billy water-skiing naked, nice shots of his dong and butt.  That's two Baby Billy dongs in four episodes.

Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston.  Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple.

Pontius complains; Jesse makes him carry in some bags.  

Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible.  He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.

Keefe wants to go waterskiing naked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle.  Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house.  That's no way to treat your partner, buddy.  At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."

The Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama." 

For instance, Eli and Lori's bedroom still has Aimee-Leigh's clothes in the closet,  He orders the eavesdropping siblings to call "the help" and have them moved out.  

Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare.  Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.

To refresh your memory: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, suspects that his mother and uncle, Gertrude and Claudius, conspired to murder his father and take the throne.  He kills his trusted advisor; his girlfriend commits suicide; Gertrude is poisoned; he kills Claudius, then dies himself.  "The rest is silence."  Well, there's no one left alive.

The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze).  So why not fire her?

Gideon is Gay:  Friday dinner. Kelvin, Keefe, Abraham, and BJ are playing blackjack, the others sitting around a kitchen island.  Jesse gets jealous because Gideon is sitting next to Eli, and they shared a joke. 

 Jesse is treating Gideon as a romantic partner who is cheating on him with Eli.  That is not really happening, of course, but it is heavily implied that Gideon is gay, for the first time since Season 1 -- back then he got more queer codes than Kelvin.  I guess they can't drop hints about Kelvin and Keefe anymore, so they have to do Gideon.

Corey apologizes for his reaction to Eli/Lori, and brings in 100 pounds of barbecued pork. 

More after the break, including a big dick

Gemstones Episode 4.2, Continued: Pontius' private parts, Gideon's butt buddy, and JR's junk. Plus Karen from "Will and Grace" sings

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's dong, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses.

In Part 1, the conflicts of the seasons were introduced: Eli is looking for meaning, BJ for independence, and Keefe for a wedding ring. Next up: Jesse and his Cain-and-Abel sons, Pontius and Gideon.

Pontius' Private Parts: Jesse taping a commercial for his new line of Prayer Pods, like privacy pods except that inside you can pray, play Bible Bonkers, listen to a sermon, and so on.  He forces the entire family into one.  It's a tight fit: Pontius, sitting on his lap, deliberately farts in his face.

In the dressing room, we get some back story:  Pontius (top photo and left) got kicked out of the Citadel for low grades, and  because he was posting videos of his buddies sticking firecrackers up each other's butts.  

That sounds like slang for homoerotic activity, but apparently it's a real thing: people put fireworks in their friends' butts as a prank.  

I still think Ponty is hinting at homoerotic interests..

Amber notes that you can "hurt your privates doing things like that, but Pontius insists that his privates work fine, disgusting his parents.  Darn, now you have viewers checking out your bulge.

Gideon's Butt Buddy: Jesse can't communicate with his father Eli, but Gideon has no trouble: "I call Granddad, or he calls me."  

This enrages Jesse, who calls them "butt buddies."  Amber points out that the phrase actually refers to "sodomy," so he backs down: "I didn't mean it like that.  I'm not trying to say that he's trying to f*k Daddy in the ass."  Of course not, Gideon is a bottom.

This is a continuation of the Eli-Gideon relationship from Season 3, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.  I'm wondering, however, if Gideon is ever going to have a relationship with anyone outside the family.  His last friend or boyfriend was Scotty, who died at the end of Season 1.  Your Granddad has overcome his grief and moved on, Gide Baby; maybe you should, too.

Abraham's got nothing: Poor Gavin; his last plot arc was in Season 2, and it was about masturbation.  Looks like he's got nothing here, either; after the Prayer Pod commercial, he sits by himself and plays on his cell phone, just entering the conversation to laugh that his Dad is "butthurt" over Gideon's relationship with Eli.  

Amber criticizes that phrase as referencing "sodomy" also.  What you got against anal sex, girl?

Karen arrives:  The siblings are getting jetpack training from J.R. Rodriguez (good idea), when it's time for the friend or relative from Eli's past to arrive and shake things up: Baby Billy in Season 1; Junior in Season 2; May-May in Season 3; and now "Mama's bestie," Lori , played by Megan Mullaly, Karen on Will and Grace.   

Everyone rushes to hug her; Kelvin blurts out "I love you."  It sounds like he means it in a romantic way.  Is he going to dump Keefe for the old lady?  They discuss how much they miss Aimee-Leigh.

She explains that she hasn't visited for awhile because she's been doing dinner theater in Pigeon Forge -- the Smokey Mountains home of Dolly Parton's Dollywood and other countrified attractions.  An article in Focus, the Tennessee LGBTQ magazine, calls it a "Gay Mecca."

Maybe not a mecca; it's still overwhelmingly "family friendly" conservative fundamentalist Christian. They had a "Gay Day" at Dollywood in 2004, but horrified protests caused it to not be repeated.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Gemstones Season 1 Memes: Kelvin bottoms, Gideon falls in love, and Keefe checks for semen loads

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Gemstones Season 1 Finale: Judy and Kelvin begin to heal, Scotty joins the family, and we say goodbye with some random dicks

Previous: Episode 1.9, Continued: Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day
 

Showrunner Danny McBride has stated that he wants every season of his programs to tell a complete story: no callbacks to previous seasons, and no cliffhangers.  By the finale, every plotline has been resolved and every character development arc has been concluded.  He also hates downbeat endings, so the season finale tells us that "they lived happily ever after"  

The Season 1 primary plot featured Gideon betraying the family, first by blackmailing Jesse over the tape of his sex-and-drugs party, then by planning to steal the Easter offerings from the church. He also betrayed Scotty by failing to acknowledge their romantic bond.  Secondary plots involved Eli butting heads with Rev. Seasons over his church expansion, and Kelvin and Judy dealing with obstacles in their relationships.  The finale ties all of the plotlines into a single theme: forgiveness.

Back in Freeman's Gap :  Church. In his sermon, Eli describes his visit to Aimee-Leigh's childhood home, where he interacted with her spirit.  Cut to a flashback of the siblings collecting the money that Baby Billy and Tiffany stole from Scotty's van.

He continues: "We move through this world, crossing paths with friends, family...and I believe that the goal of all that colliding is to make us appreciate one another, to find empathy." Shots of Martin, Mandy (Chad's wife), and Chad, sitting far away from her. 

Rev. Seasons is redeemed: Cut to a flashback of Rev. Seasons  (Dermot Mulroney) working in a hardware store (Baptist churches are autonomous, so if one closes you don't automatically get placed elsewhere). Eli offers him a job as pastor of the satellite church that Baby Billy abandoned. Rev. Seasons was a secondary Big Bad, but Eli stole his flock, so we are not sure who needs forgiveness more.

"If you're not rooting for your enemy's salvation, you are not in line with what the Spirit wants."  Shots of Dot Nancy and her parents, BJ, Keefe (working security again), Martin's wife, a couple I don't recognize, and Jesse's crew (Matthew, Gregory, and Levi).  Notice that BJ and Keefe are linked, structurally presented as the partners of Judy and Kelvin.  They won't begin sitting together until Season 3. 

Scotty is redeemed: "Aimee-Leigh knew this. That's why she wanted to help, no matter what."  Shot of the spirit of Aimee-Leigh sitting in the congregation, glowing in ethereal light, with Scotty beside her. 

He looks more bemused than happy, surprised that he has been forgiven, wondering how he came to be sitting here, after all the pain he caused Gideon and the Gemstone family.  Remember that both BJ and Keefe had to suffer symbolic deaths before they could unite with their partners.  Did Scotty, in death, become Gideon's partner?  

Maybe, in spite of his machinations, posturing, criticism, and threats, in spite of the hints of abuse, this is what Scotty wanted all along.  After all, the goal of the two schemes was to draw Gideon away from his family so they could spend their lives together. Maybe he couldn't admit it to himself, so it came out in random bursts, like calling Gideon "cute," taking him out on dates, and finally admitting, just before his death, that "you broke my heart."  Aimee Leigh helped him understand what he needed, what he wanted, and she has made him a Gemstone.

Baby Billy grifts: "For when you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you."  Cut to Baby Billy and Tiffany selling their new gimmick, pictures of his trip to heaven. I guess they haven't been redeemed yet. 

Kelvin and Judy start to heal: "How we navigate this life,  and each other, is what defines us, and what leads us on the path to healing."  Cut to Judy and Kelvin in makeup, getting ready to perform, smiling. 

Before this season, the siblings spend their lives crippled by the traumas of their past. Unable to believe that they were worthy of being loved, they sabotaged every potential relationship, Judy by defining herself soley as a sexual being, and Kelvin by denying that he was a sexual being at all.  In this season they found partners who loved them in spite of their spitefulness, selfishness, and general craziness, in spite of Judy's obsession with the phallus and Kelvin's fear of it.  Forgiven, redeemed, they have started on the road to healing.   

The conclusion and cocks after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.7, Continued: Bisexual fish, Thai brothers, and Scotty with a broken heart. With a Thai dick bonus

Previous:  Episode 1.7, Keefe is in love, Scotty is hard, and everybody s*ks dick. With photos of guys doing it

Earlier in this episode, BJ left Judy due to her constant abuse, and Gideon left Scotty...for the same reason?  He also abandoned the plot to steal the Easter Sunday offerings. . 

Exclusively Female Fish: That night, Jesse and Amber are congratulating each other on his performance, when Gideon appears, fortunately with no scrapes or bruises from his fight with Scotty.

He tells them that Scotty had to leave town unexpectedly, and Jesse praises him for helping a guy who was "down on his luck."  Then he encourages Gideon to share his "special news" with Amber.

He says: "I'm not in love with Scotty."

 "In love with Scotty?" Amber repeats, confused.  I'm confused, too.  That wasn't the special news. Jesse just finished saying that he was helping the guy, not dating him.  Is Gideon trying to convince himself?

He clamps down: "I'm not.  I'm just your son, regular."  

Now Jesse seems to be convinced that they were dating after all, and encourages Gideon to bounce back: "there's a lot of handsome fish in the sea."  Gideon says that he's looking for "female fishes exclusively.  It was just a...."  

Just a what, Gideon?  Just a one-time thing?   It's impossible not to conclude that Gideon and Scotty had a sexual relationship.      

"Ok, so you're bi," Jesse concludes. 

Gideon protests that he's not bi, but his parents are so supportive, or he is so uncomfortable with the conversation, that he just lets it go, leaving the question open.

I suspect that the showrunners were unsure, when they planned the scene, if Gideon or Kelvin was going to be "the gay one."  When they decided on Kelvin, they were stuck, and gave Gideon no romantic or erotic interest in anyone through Seasons 2 and 3.  

Or maybe Scotty was Gideon's "true love."  On this show, "true love" lasts through time and eternity, whether you want it to or not.

You made your choice:  Later that night, Scotty returns to the compound.  Security chief Brock waves him through (Gideon really should have told him that Scotty is no longer welcome.)  Remember that his blackmail van is in Kelvin's garage?  He breaks the van through the garage door.  Keefe sees him but thinks it's just one of Jesse's car pranks.  The partners were kept completely in the dark.  If only Kelvin had been a little more forthcoming, Keefe could have called security.

Scotty then kidnaps Jesse and Gideon and takes them to Eli's house, where Eli  hands over the key to the church vault.  Wait -- how do they get OUT past security guard Brock?

At the church, after they load up the money, Scotty ties Jesse and Gideon back-to-back in the vault, where they'll be rescued Monday morning,  and punches Gideon.  "We could have been a killer team, the pussy brothers of Thailand," he says, nearly in tears. "Coordinating low-budget kung fu pics during the day, slammin' ass at night."  Presumably he means girls, but you never know.  

"But you made your choice, and you broke my fuckin' heart."  Remember, Jesse said earlier that betrayal by a "loved one" can break your heart.  

It appears that Scotty had romantic feelings for Gideon..  He just didn't know how to express or experience love without manipulation, threat, and control.

Despondent,  he drives away, while the background song describes precisely the sexual acts they engaged in, and why Gideon didn’t “just leave.” 

Creeper got mad and angry eyes – one look from him can paralyze.

Upon his lips the taste of pain, venom kiss of love insane

He got a rod beneath his coat – he gonna ram it right down your throat.

Make you grovel on the floor, spit up and scream and beg for more

I've been to Thailand  Some fascinating historical and cultural sites, temples, and museums.  Plus wall-to-wall gay clubs.

Bonus Thai dicks after the break