"You're the Worst" Episode 3.1: A homophobic rapper hooks up with a gay stereotype, plus Stephen Schneider and some butts

 

To see if Stephen Schneider (Stephen Downes of Season 3) has played any gay characters, I googled his name and "gay," and this clip came up on youtube.  He's not in it.

A blond guy and a woman are standing at an apartment door . He asks "He never gave you the key?"  She says no, so he bangs.  

A very muscular black guy in his underwear answers. Shocked, he says "Oh...shit.  Hey guys."

Blondie: "What the hell are you doing?"   

Muscle Guy: "Sorry.  We needed a place."

Woman: "For what?"

A swishy guy appears with a flourish, also in his underwear.  They stare in shock.  

Woman (Disgusted): "You're GAY????"

Muscle Guy (Upset): "No!!!!!  But this n-word's son sucks really good dick."  So the gay guy has a black parent?

The whole exchange -- the looks of shock and disgust, the need to defend yourself against the horrifying accusation, the gay guy's pronounced swishiness --- displays just the sort of jaw-dropping homophobia that I hate running into at 4:00 am.

The caption reads: You're the Worst - Brandon Mychal Smith.  So let's look it up. 

You're the Worst is a tv series that lasted for five years on FX (2014-2019), but was so under-exposed that I don't recall seeing a single commercial.  Most episodes drew between .2 and .5 million viewers.  It featured a romance between two horrible people, writer Jimmy (Chris Geere, the Blond Guy in the clip) and public relations person Gretchen.  

The homophobic scene is from Episode 1.3, "Keys Open Doors."  TO put it in context, I watched the whole episode. 

Scene 1: Morning.  After a night of carousing, Jimmy and Gretchen are lying naked, asleep, on the ground outside his house.

Cut to Jimmy pooping (butt shot) while Gretchen uses the hand nozzle of the shower to masturbate.  Jimmy notes that he uses it too, in his butt.

They've spent six or seven nights together, so Gretchen wants a key to his apartment.  He refuses, so she rushes out in passive-aggressive rage. 

Scene 2: Edgar (Desmin Borges, left and below), Jimmy's horrible roommate, cooks breakfast.  They discuss the key request as a symbol of banality and predictability, leading to "shopping for sconces at Williams-Sonoma."

Scene 3: At the coffee shop, Gretchen and her friend Lindsay discuss the key request,  Lindsay's husband cheating, and "snorting in her vag."  So she's bisexual?  

Her assistant rushes in with a crisis: Sam the Rapper gave an interview to a college newspaper, and used "gay" and "faggot" 37 times!   And the interviewer was the president of the gay student association!  So, if he said all that to a straight person, it would be fine?

More after the break

"The Package": A movie about a penis, with bonus penis pics. What could go wrong?

You recall that Adam Devine rarely goes more than a sentence or two without mentioning his penis?  In 2018, he and the guys produced The Package, a movie about, well, a penis. He didn't write or direct, but still, it's about a penis.  I can't wait. 

Scene 1: Sean (Daniel Doheny) is carefully putting on his pants while in the kitchen, Mom slices up an eggplant (foreshadowing, anyone?).  His bud Donnie (Luke Spencer Roberts, ginger) picks him up for a camping trip.  Uh-oh, he's hacked into the family's tv to show them fat lady porn.  Gross!  He then criticizes Sean's shorts, which cover "your belly button but not your balls."  Sean criticizes his moustache, but Donnie counters that with the 1980s nostalgia craze, he'll be "swimming in puss."  Ok, these guys are hetero, but...a penis!

Left and below: Google says that this is Luke Spencer Roberts.  I think it's really someone else named Luke Roberts.  But I've never heard of either of them before, so what's the difference?   

Scene 2: Next they pick up Jeremy (Eduardo Franco, who you may know from The Binge).  They criticize him for being a virgin, and he counters by pretending to jerk off with a walking stick.  

They are outraged because he invited some girls!  Donnie wanted it to be guys only.  I hear that.  The girls happen to be Donnie's ex and Jeremy's twin sister/

By the way, Jeremy has a girlfriend, too, but only online.  The guys think he's being catfished by a guy.  Ten to one he'll come out as gay.

Top photo: When you google "Eduardo Franco" and "nude," you get Nino Ceperkovic.  I don't understand why.

Jeremy insists that Sean have sex with his sister, because as twins they share a psychic bond, and he'll feel it too.  Sean finds this disgusting, but only because it would be psychic-incestuous, not because it would be homoerotic.  Now I know that Jeremy is gay!

Scene 3: On the way to the campsite, they make fun of Donnie for sharting during blow jobs.  Donnie counters by sending Sean a photo that makes it look like he is giving a blow job to his crush's ex boyfriend.  Thankfully, Sean is not offended; he laughs. 

Jeremy leads them "deep up Mother Nature's puss."  I don't care for the vagina references.  Let's hear more about cocks!

Left: Daniel Doheny, who apparently played a gay character in something called Alex Strangelove.  I haven't seen it.  Who wants to be told that gay love is weird, bizarre, abnormal, strange?

They set up camp and divide into boy and girl groups.  Everyone is obsessed over getting Sean to screw his crush.  He had a chance with her at the Rent cast party: she touched his thigh and invited him onto the roof for sex, but he couldn't stand up because he had a boner: "You were cock blocked by your own cock!"  Rent has gay characters.  These guys know that LGBT people exist. 

The pressure for Sean and his crush to screw continues into the night.  Finally they are eating s'mores around the campfire.  Jeremy goes off to piss; the guys follow to mess with him.  For some reason, he is slicing through his stream with the knife he showed them earlier...and when the guys distract him, he accidentally slices his dick off!  It flies off against the full moon.  

Sean climbs to a cliff, calls 911, and orders a medevac.  Now they just have to keep Jeremy from bleeding out, and find the penis!

Complications:  They find it, but it suffers a lot of damage before the medevac comes.  One of the girls throws up on it.  Another tries to roast it over the campfire (idiot!).  Finally they put it on ice. 

Then the medevac leaves, but they send it off with the wrong ice chest!  They still have the penis!  They have to get it to the hospital within the 12 hour time frame.

Mishap after mishap.  Their cellphones are destroyed.  They get lost hiking down the mountain. They fall into a river.  They run afoul of a hetero-sleazy little boy (Chance Hurstfield, who has grown up a bit).  His Dad attacks, thinking that they molested him.  The penis is bitten by a snake, so Sean has to suck the venom out (fortunately, there are no homophobic "giving a blow job" references).  

A convenience store clerk helps them clean the dick, thinking that Jeremy is a soldier injured in the line of duty.  When he discovers that they are high school students, he goes ballistic and shoots arrows at them. "The only dicks I touch are mine and my husband's."  This is apparently a "Gay people exist!  Hilarious!" joke.

Then the penis is attached to a redneck (Blake Anderson): his own was cut off by his girlfriend!  I don't think that's possible. Fortunately, she comes in and cuts it off again, so they can give it to Jeremy.

Conclusion: The two couples reunite.  Jeremy's on-line girlfriend is real after all.  Darn, I thought he was going to come out as gay.  The end.

My Grade: This movie is not about penises, it's about three heterosexual couples falling in love.  Watching disgusting things happen to a 3-inch cylinder is not as homoerotic as I thought.  Not at all funny.  No gay characters or subtexts -- well, except for the convenience store guy, and he was only gay as the punchline of a joke.  A big, big disappointment.D

Bonus penises after the break

Game Over, Man: Five minutes of Adam's dick. What's not to like?

Shortly after the end of Workaholics, the guys (Adam Devine, Anders Holm, Blake Anderson) played about the same characters in Game Over, Man (2018), moving their shenanigans into a hostage crisis in a high-rise hotel.  The reviews were unfailingly horrible, 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. Their goofiness conflicts with a jarringly grim, violent plotline, there's way too much vulgarity, disgustingly graphic deaths, a severed penis used as a prop, torture by rimming (wait -- is that torture or a pleasant Saturday night?), plus horrifying homophobia.  I'm afraid to watch the whole movie, but I'll review a scene that the Roger Ebert.com reviewer criticizes as featuring "some pretty extreme homophobia."  

Remember, I walked out of Spider-Man (2002) when Tobey Maguire said "Like all stories, this story is about a boy and a girl."  Claiming that gay men and lesbians don't exist, homophobic jerk!  So this will certainly raise my hackles.

The set-up: The terrorist's henchmen, Steve Howey and Mac Brandt, are trying to kill the guys.  For some reason Adam decides to pretend that he has died of autoerotic asphyxiation, hanging in the closet with his dick in his hand. Blake and Anders hide under the bed (it would be too confusing to use character names).

 Finding the "Corpse"

The henchmen burst into the hotel room, examine Adam''s "corpse" (we get a closeup of Adam's hand on his dick).  Steve comments: "Look at this freaky fuck."

Mac: "Rest in peace, you horny bastard."

Steve worries that the job is going badly, but Mac reassures him: "By this time tomorrow, we'll be sipping Coronas in Cabo."  

Steve: "I don't want to see you getting hurt."

Mac: "You're sweet."

Steve: " I love you."

They kiss -- a little peck, then a big smooching thing. Adam, watching, is shocked.  Not homophobic, maybe a little heteronormative: "Wait -- gay henchmen exist?"

The Attack

The henchmen decide to do it "real quick," take off their shirts, and jump on the bed. We don't see any more of their kissing.  Guys, your pants aren't off.  Not going to have a lot of sex that way.

Blake sneaks a peek, then turns to Anders and says "Eww, right?"  Not homophobic.  Blake's character is actually gay and closeted (at this point), so he's trying to determine how a straight guy should react.

To defend themselves, the guys  throw the blanket over the couple and punch and kick them.  Anders grabs a lamp and beats Steve's head.  Blood alert. . Adam, shocked, says "I am so sorry." But you didn't do it.

Mac throws him across the room (cock shot). 

We Killed the Bad Guys

Mac punches Blake and advances on Anders: "You just killed the man of my dreams. Now you're gonna die."  Anders claims that Steve is just knocked out, but Mac throws him across the room and starts to strangle him.

Anders: "I'm sorry I killed him.  I'll be your boyfriend."

Blake throws a lamp.  Mac turns and advances on him. He ducks, and Mac flies into a dresser and is knocked unconscious.  Anders: "I think you killed him!"

Adam: "Sorry I didn't help, but we killed the bad guys!  My plan worked!" He spins his cock around in celebration. Um...so, can I get this on BluRay?

Anders: "Stop it!  Your plan didn't work!  You got them horny, and got me kicked in the chest."  Blake asks if he's all right.  Aww, fraternal love...

More after the break.

Keefe's Capacious Cock, Part 2: The Mushroom Head

 

Tony Cavalero asks: "Will you be wearing pants after dinner?"  Gee, Tony, why don't we wait, and see how the evening goes?

Ok, he's really referring to the belt-tightening of Thanksgiving Dinner.  

Maybe.

He got the photo from The Righteous Gemstones Season 1, when Keefe comes out of the house without pants, accidentally showing the siblings his junk. Apparently he forgot to put his pants back on after serving Kelvin "dessert."

In case you haven't seen a close-up before.  It's not really a mushroom head, just obscured at the base.  I can't tell if it's a prosthetic or not.

And his butt

See also: Keefe's Capacious Cock

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: A leather jockstrap, an isolation tank, a sausage god, and honeymoon with the hubbie

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: a rooster, a rodent, neopagan penises, Adam Devine, and Corey B's frontside

Workaholics Episode 5.5: Penis jokes and buddy-bonding at a Gay Pride party

 

Workaholics (2011-17), about a trio of clueless dudebros led by Adam Devine (left), has  gotten very, very bad press: gayness as an insult, weird, reprehensible; the possibility of bromantic partners being attracted to each other presented as "hilarious and absurd."  Devine responded that critics were heterosexual snowflakes looking for a fight; "The gays have a sense of humor.  They get us."

I'm not usually very forgiving about casual homophobia, but I'll check it out.  Episode 5.5, described variously as: "When they go to a gay pride party in the neighborhood, they make fools of themselves pretending to be gay."  or "a wild night at a neighbor's house leads the guys to question their relationship."  Sounds cringy from the get-go.

Note: Workaholics contains a lot of humiliation nudity, both rear and obscured-frontal. 

Scene 1: Telemarketing company boss (the always amazing Jerry O'Connell) is giving a speech about teamwork when the guys come in late; he calls them "young bucks," but they counter that they are "hung bucks....because our things are huge"  Well, whip them out. Tomorrow they have a team-building contest: he demonstrates by falling into the arms of an employee, who catches him.  The guys try falling backwards, but no one catches them, har har.

Scene 2: The office bullies brag that they have a "mature adult relationship":  they know each other's biggest regrets and deepest fears.  The guys try to prove that they know about feelings and stuff.  "Adam, what's Der's biggest fear?"  "That his dick is smaller than mine."  So, their schtick is a dick joke every five seconds.  I forgive Keefe for learning about "hard woods" at Woodpecker's Carpentry.

Left: Der (Anders Holm)

That night, while drinking beer on the roof of their house, they try and fail to connect on a deeper level, so they can win the contest.  Suddenly a guy approaches who is working valet for the Pride party down the street, wanting to park cars in their yard.  They think "pride" means MMA, and ask why they weren't invited. He doesn't answer, so they put on their martial arts t-shirts and crash the party.

Scene 3:  Still thinking that it is a MMA party, they are shocked to see that it's all guys, and there's a giant rainbow "Happy Pride" banner.   

"Ugh... rainbows!  Let's get out of here!"  But then the host points out the hors d'ouvres, and Anders lets out a shrill fruity "Helllooo!"  The reactions are only mildly homophobic: they are uncomfortable around gay men, but not so uncomfortable that they won't stick around for free food.

Left: Blake (Blake Anderson)

They discuss: "Dude, are you pretending to be gay?"  "Well, it's a pretty sweet party.  We don't want to be kicked out."   

The hosts are played by Michael Urie and Tim Bagley, both gay in real life.

The guys continue to pretend that they are gay: "Oh, we're very involved in the scene.  The having sex with guys scene. We're three-way gay with each other."  The hosts wonder why they're pretending: straight guys are welcome.

Scene 4: Getting drunk on free booze, the guys continue their attempt to connect on an emotional level. Meanwhile Adam drinks booze out of a dolphin's snout and exclaims: "If ejack tasted this good, I'd drink it by the gallon!"  Wait, does that mean you know what it tastes like?   They start chanting "We're here, we're queer, we want to drink beer!", to the embarrassment of the other guests.

The pride cake comes out, and of course the guys crash into it.  "What the fuck is wrong with you!" the host exclaims. 

More after the break

"Vacation": Skyler Gisondo as the victim in a cringy homophobic scene, with adult penises to make up for subjecting you to it

 

I didn't see the original National Lampoon's Vacation (1983), due to the vocal homophobia of star Chevy Chase.   I'm definitely not going to watch the sequel, Vacation (2015), in which  Rusty, the kid in the original (Ed Helms), tries to take his family on the same woebegotten journey.  Richard Roeper called it "a vile, odious disaster populated with unlikable, dopey characters bumbling through mean-spirited set pieces that rely heavily on slapstick fight scenes, scatological sight gags and serial vomiting."  Plus the plot synopsis looks horribly heterosexist, with eldest son James (Skyler Gisondo) in search of the Girl of His Dreams.  But I am going to check for beefcake, and then review a horribly homophobic scene that I found by accident on youtube

Beefcake: James shows his chest (top photo). Stone Crandall (Chris Hemsworth), married to Rusty's sister, walks around in his underwear, displaying a bulge.  Plus he "accidentally" displays his penis in a vacation photo.

On to the cringy homophobic scene: 

 The family is staying at a sleazy motel.  James plays his guitar at the sleazy hot tub.  A girl drops by to flirt with him.  

Medina: I have a penis.

James (shocked, transphobic): What?  Um...

Medina: It's written  on your guitar.  

He explains that his brother wrote it there as a prank, and goes on to make his move, Just then, Dad shows up (but Medina thinks that it's just a random perv)

Dad/Perv: I'm just a stranger passing through town, but I couldn't help noticing how incredibly handsome this young man is. You got a girlfriend?  Or boyfriend, heterosexist idiot  -- but then, Dad probably knows that his son is straight.

James: (Painfully embarrassed.) No.

Dad/Perv: No girlfriend?  Cute boy like that, somebody's gonna snatch you up.

Medina (to James): Do you want me to call the cops?  

James: No.  Dad/Perv hasn't done anything illegal yet.  But...why doesn't James tell the girl that it's his Dad, being embarrassing?

Dad/Perv: And he plays guitar. Dream boy!  Make a muscle!

Skyler: I'd rather not.

Dad/Perv: Take your shirt off, make a muscle.  Don't be shy -- show us what we're working with.  

As Dad/Perv approaches the hot tub, Medina asks James if he'll be ok, and scrams.  

Dad: Dang it!

James: Dad, why would you do that?

Dad: I saw you talking to her, and figured you could use a wing man. Oy!

In most U.S. states, it is a crime to propose sexual activity to someone under the age of consent or expose them to erotic material.  Commenting on their erotic desirability is technically legal, unless you are their parent, teacher, or in a position of authority.  Skyler Gisondo here is 18 or 19, but his character is 14.  Dad is pushing the boundaries of legality, and has gone far beyond what is appropriate. 

Left: 17-year old bodybuilder. Attractive, but not hot until next year.

 

This exchange keys into the myth that gay men are all hanging around schoolyards, trying to pick up teenagers (ephebophilia)  -- or 12 year olds (pedophilia)  

Another review says: "All homophobic, xenophobic, scatological grossout, with some rape and pedophilia “jokes” for flavor."  You mean it gets worse?

Grown-up penises after the break:

"Double Vision": Based on the Foreigner song, with nude pics of Gideon and Keefe

Gideon has had a crush on Keefe for two years.  During the Kelvin/Keefe breakup, he sees his chance to move out of the friend zone. He hopes.

Feelin' down and dirty

Feelin kinda mean

I've been from one to the other extreme

Fill my eyes with that double vision.

No disguise for that double vision.

When  it gets through to me, it's always new to me

My double vision gets the best of me

Today I had a good time,

But I ain't got time to wait

I want to stick around till I can't see straight

More after the break