Glenn Scarpelli: the star of "One Day at a Time" and "Jennifer Slept Here" grows up, comes out, and gets a husband
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Jackson Tessmer: From Hebrew School to toga parties, with angst tv, Christian drama, Asa Butterfield, and n*de selfies
He was a swimmer and powerlifter, winning first place in the Orlando Open Championships in 2022 with a bench of 170 and a deadlift of 211. Sorry, I couldn't find any powerlifting photos.
He was also very busy with Hebrew School and temple activities. It's a wonder that he had time to go on auditions.
Jackson's on-screen acting credits begin with a series of shorts: Show and Tell (2013), Birthday Boy (2014), Table Manners (2015). He starred with Michael Berthold, Stacy on The Righteous Gemstones, in Dear Ones (2014), On Your Street (2016), and Ranger Things (2017).
Plus walk-ons in Tomorrowland (2015) with George Clooney, Modern Family (2016) with Mitch dressed as Little Orphan Annie, and Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (2016), with Asa Butterfield
Jackson's first starring role came in Schoolbus Diaries (2016-17), with "the everyday lives of children and teenagers" mediated by their surprisingly wise bus driver.
No Place in the World (2017) is a Christian movie featuring two sisters with problems at home and school, "trying to survive in a disconnected, self-centered world." I'll bet they find God. Jackson seems to play a school shooter.
I can't find the tv series Mohawk (2018) streaming anywhere, but Jackson's demo reel shows his father, who has just crucified someone, punching and strangling him. He's saved by the spirit of a Native American woman.
Paradise Lost (2018) is another show that is impossible to find on streaming services. All I can figure out is a guy (Josh Hartnett) and his wife and kids returning to his home town to confront the demons of his past. Jackson plays his son. Shane McRae plays Dickie Barnett, his enemy.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Solar Opposites Episode 4.9: Skyler Gisondo plays a muscular bat-alien with a human boyfriend, plus Thomas Middleditch penis
Solar Opposites is an animated sitcom about a family of sentient slugs that crash-landed on Earth and must look for a way home while adapting to bizarre human customs like gender polarization: Korvo (Justin Roilland/Dan Stevens), the "man of the house," resistant to assimilation; Terry (Thomas Middleditch), the childcare expert, who eagerly adopts human culture; Yumyulak (Sean Giambone), the teenage boy, a rebel who hates humans; and a teenage girl and pupa (infant).
But this is a review of an episode where no one in the family appears except in flashbacks. I'm including a beefcake photo of Sean Giambone (left) and frontals of Thomas Middleditch (below) anyway.
Episode 4.9, "Down and Out on Planet X-Non," stars Glenn (Kieran Culkin), the family's snoopy neighbor, who got blasted into space. He joined the SilverCops Space Force, but they framed him for murder. He had to flee into the wilderness of an alien planet, fighting monsters and nearly dying many times. And now his story continues in what seems to be the pilot for a spin-off.
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Scene 1: After having an "expositional dream," Glenn awakens in a run-down office, naked. Zy (Skyler Gisondo, top photo), a muscular being with a bat-head, found him in the wilderness, half-dead. "What were you doing all alone in the woods?"
"I go there to jerk off," Glenn jokes. "I got a thing for trees. Why am I naked?"
"Your clothes were soaked with piss and shit."
Zy infers that he has a "secred, fucked-up past," so he'll be perfect for their group of multi-species thieves and con-men.
Glen tries to leave, but outside the door, beings are robbing and killing each other, so he decides to stay. First queer code; Zy puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder and leaves it there.
Scene 2: The tour. Most of the group has holograms on their chest, which means "they need extra help."
"But I don't have a hologram on my chest," Glenn complains.
"I'm sure you have a hologram in your heart." Awww..getting a little crush on this human, Zy?
Second queer code: Hand on shoulder again. Third queer code: Again. Gee, Zy can't keep his hands off Glenn.
Scene 3: Interview with the group leader, Skeletom, a hippie dude with a glowing green skeleton. He explains: "This place is for people who don't fit in." Island of Misfit Toys, huh? Queer code #3. "No one else has our backs, so we have to be family to each other."
Scene 4: Glenn, Zy, a cat-being, and a Cthulhu-being on a scam run. Zy explains that the 'Raffs (sentient giraffes) took over and pushed the indigenous population into slums, using SilverCops to break heads: "They claim they're keeping the peace, but they're racist as hell, and they play the natives against each other." Cthulhu Lives Matter.
Uh-oh, their last victim called the SilverCops. Run! Hiding in an alley, they discuss how much they hate the Sils. And Glenn is one! If they find out, he'll lose their friendship -- or worse.
More after the break
Bill Cable: 1980s nude model and gay porn performer, boyfriend of Elvira and Pee-Wee Herman, rock star in "Basic Instinct"
If you grew up in a heteronormative desert, like most gay boys in the 1970s, with nude and even shirtless guys vanishingly rare in magazines, movies, and tv, West Hollywood in the 1980s was a Paradise. You could buy a dozen glossy, full-color magazines aimed at gay men with every conceivable taste and interest:
Drummer for leather and BDSM
Blueboy for dating advice
Mandate for muscle
In Touch for humor
Inches for...well, you get the idea.
All of them were illustrated by full-page and centerfold photos of men, artistic and raunchy, always naked, sometimes aroused.
You saw this guy everywhere, but probably didn't realize that Cable, Stoner, and Bigg John were all the same model. Now we know.
He was Bill Cable, born William Laurence Cumpanas in northern Indiana in 1946. His grandparents were from Dalmatia (now part of Croatia), and he grew up with a strong sense of his Croatian identity,
His family moved to Los Angeles in 1950. He played football at North Hollywood High School and the University of Nevada, but a massive head injury forced him to quit. In 1970, he returned Los Angeles to pursue a new career as a model.
Bill modeled in all of the famous gay magazines of the 1970s and 1980s, plus gay porn pictorials for Colt Studios and The Athletic Model Guild.
He also appeared in straight porn pictorials, mainstream fashion ads, and the influential After Dark magazine. And in gay postcards, which you bought with no intention of actually mailing.
He posed nude in Playgirl three times, for:
"Long Cool Summer" (July 1973)
Victoriana (November 1974)
"Beauty and the Beast" (May 1975)
Bill's movie career began with a non-speaking role as a leatherman with a whip in the gay porn Bijou (1972). Next came some collaborations with straight pornographer Carlos Tobalina: Last Tango in Acapulco (1973), Jungle Blue (1978), and Flesh and Bullets (1985).
Sometime in the early 1970s, Bill and Carlos wrote, directed, and starred in What's Love (restored in 1987), "which deals with the themes of romantic obsession and Christian blasphemy." From the various synopsses, it appears that, Carlos plays a cop who gets in touch with a magical self. Bill as Jesus seduces him and his wife.
More after the break
Dane's Polar Plunge: A 365 day Lake Tahoe Challenge. With Scott Gaffney, Danish dicks, and nude guys at Notre Dame
I don't usually do profiles of non-actors, but this is amazing. His name is Dane, he's a student at North Tahoe High School, and he's jumping into Lake Tahoe every day for a year. Even on Day 190: Water temperature 39.3, air temperature 32. That's Fahrenheit.
Day 173: Gray, cloudy. Water temperature 37.3, air 33.0. Dane walked through the snow-- barefoot! -- toward his icy plunge.
On Day 184, he brought his Dad, professional skiier Scott Gaffney Water temperature 48.5, air 55.
On Day 120, he brought the North Tahoe High School Varsity Basketball Team -- at least the ones brave enough to try. Water temperature 39 degrees, air with wind chill 19.
The Wildflour Baking Company in Tahoe donated some donuts. How about space heaters?
I can't imagine being interested in the aesthetics of the penis after all that icy plunging, but here are some guys running naked through the snow.
More after the break. Caution: Icy.
Gemstones Episode 4.7, Continued: Teenjus meets the Devil. So does Kelvin. With a gay Christian, Jordanian junk, and Dustin's d*ck
Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.7: Kelvin and Pontius have their nards threatened, Gideon finds his voice, and skaters show their d*cks
Earlier in the episode, we saw Eli and Lori breaking up, Kelvin hiding in his treehouse after the roundtable debacle, Judy jealous of a monkey, and Gideon finding a way to be true to himself. Now it's time for Baby Billy
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Teenjus Meets the Devil: In the studio in Goose Creek, about 30 miles from Charleston, which Baby Billy characterizes as the "middle of nowhere." (And there is a Middle of Nowhere Bar and Grill in town). Holding his children and complaining about having to "babysit," Baby Billy directs a scene where Teenjus (Matthew Garbacz) is tempted by the Devil. He doesn't project enough and he can't remember his line, so Baby Billy fires him and decides to play Teenjus himself.
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Teenjus Meets the Devil: In the studio in Goose Creek, about 30 miles from Charleston, which Baby Billy characterizes as the "middle of nowhere." (And there is a Middle of Nowhere Bar and Grill in town). Holding his children and complaining about having to "babysit," Baby Billy directs a scene where Teenjus (Matthew Garbacz) is tempted by the Devil. He doesn't project enough and he can't remember his line, so Baby Billy fires him and decides to play Teenjus himself.
The Devil points out that he's not a teen, but "You ain't the Devil. It's called acting."
Tiffany and the Nanny arrive late. He lambasts them, which upsets Tiffany: "You got time for everything but us." She suggests that he quit, so he can spend more time with the family. They have enough money. Nope, it's not enough. "I been on this stardom train before, and you got to get it while you can."
"Is that all that matters to you?" Tiffany asks, reflecting Lori asking if money is all Eli cares about earlier in the episode. Baby Billy: "My job is very important to me. Now stop being difficult and take these kids to get some ice cream." She snarls. What will he finally choose, fame or family?
An Eight Ball and $2 Million: The Board Room. Baby Billy yells at Judy and Jesse for cutting his Teenjus budget by 29% Instead of a cement factory in Goose Creek, he should be in Jordan "filming in some Muslim tombs."
Top photo and left: Jordanian guys.
And by the way, since he's playing Teenjus now, he needs $2 million for reshoots, plus an 8-Ball (3.5 grams) of cocaine. They scoff.
"Where's Kelvin?" he asks. "I can usually talk some sense into him."
They're not speaking to him.
Now Baby Billy yells at them for squabbling, not being a family. They should reconcile with their brother.
That's two partners and your uncle telling you to check in on Kelvin. I suggest that you do it.
Family Visitors: Jesse is going through Kelvin's house, looking for him. He checks the foyer, a hallway with baseball-sized gummi bears mounted on the wall, the bedroom, and then back to the foyer. Nitpick: The bedroom is on the ground floor. In Season 2, it was on the second floor.
Judy appears, claiming that she had to poop, and Kelvin's house was the closest.
They discuss how bad they feel about his debacle, how scared he looked -- and holy sh*t, Keefe is the next room, hanging upside down on a harness. "My word, family visitors!" he exclaims.
Some fans have pointed out that he's using a BDSM swing for yoga. This is the room with the massage table -- which can double as a bondage table. So we know what kind of games the guys play.
He brings them to the treehouse, but it's hopeless: "I've tried for days. There's no way to get up there."
Jesse knows a way. A ladder?
Cut to Kelvin lying on blankets in his tree house, eating Fiddle Faddle and Bugles and playing with his monster movie toys, when Jesse and Judy knock on the door. They flew up in jetpacks!
They ask why he's not going to the Night of Testimonies: "I'm not a brave, strong leader. I'm a coward."
"So what? You are mean. You are extremely goodback with snitty retorts: "You are extremely good at rips."
Suddenly Keefe bursts in, breaking down the door. Well, he's never used a jetpack before.
"We just put that door in," Kelvin complains.
Check out the cool prop photo of Kelvin and Keefe hugging.
More after the break
Blake Michael: The "Dog with a Blog" brother starts a band, stalks a teacher, vanishes into corporate. With Blake and Dano dicks
I haven't been watching Disney Channel programs regularly since the days of Hannah Montana, so all I heard of Dog with a Blog (2012-15) was buzz about how ridiculous the premise was: three kids discover that their dog is sentient, can talk, and actually has a blog where he discusses his experiences and tries to find other dogs. How is that more ridiculous than a pop star pretending to be a regular girl, both daughters of a famous country-western music singer, and no one suspecting for an instant?
Critics lambasted the show for its "lackluster writing' and absence of any actual blogging, but it averaged 3 million viewers in the first season, and was nominated for three Emmies. The main players appear to be Chloe and Avery, two tween sisters from a blended family, but there was also a teenage brother, Tyler (Blake Michael).
Plus Dad Bennett (Regan Burns) and Avery's enemy/crush (L.J. Benet), who now has abs but smiling smugly as girls in bikinis surround him.
Besides, I haven't found any n*de photos of L.J. But there are some of Blake.
Blake got his start in modeling at age three, and had his first on-screen role at age eight, playing a restaurant patron in Chosen (2004). Small parts in October Road, Out of Jimmy's Head, and The Mortician followed.
He had a starring role in Lemonade Mouth (2011), which I never saw because I thought the term referred to some kind of terminal cancer. It's actually the name of a bad that five high schoolers who start a band -- I guess disgusting names are de rigeur for rock bands. The boys are Charlie (Blake) and Wen (Adam Hicks). Both get girlfriends, and the remaining girl gets a boyfriend, and so on, and so on. Heteronormativity fulfilled.
Sorry, this is the only photo I could find where the two guys are together, not bookending the three girls.
It's a little tangential, but Adam Hicks is known as one of the Disney Channel's skateboarding dudebros on Zeke and Luther (2009-12). His partner, Hutch Dano, has retired from acting to become a painter.
And post photos of his d*ck (after the break).
Gemstones Episode 4.7: Pontius and Kelvin have their nards threatened, Gideon finds his voice, and skaters show their d*cks
Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6, Continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life. With Mongolian men and Jace's junk
Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV. The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.
The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.
My Animal Magnetism: We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator! Various hooks, tools, skins, and Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."
Lori drives up and yells "Nope! We're not doing this again!" She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with. She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.
He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away. Must be my animal magnetism." But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time? I'd be calling the moment it happened.
Big Gus: Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus. "Gators are territorial. Invade their territory, they'll bite you." Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience! The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy. It must be a misdirection.
Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop. Shouldn't he have someone working during the show? Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble."
Sick, Nasty Stuff: Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge. He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men. Call, click, connect. First half hour free."
Ok, this has to be fake. Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly. Escorts usually work from a standard client list. You would neveer specify "wealthy men." And what does "first half hour free" mean? You charge by the act, not by the hour.
Money-Hungry: At lunch, Eli asks Lori about the escort business. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me." There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.
Eli also ran a credit check. "You're broke. You declared bankruptcy last year."
This makes Lori angry. Accusing her of being a "whore," and then of being a gold-digger! "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money. I thought she was exaggerating." She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out.
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Kelvin Goes Into Hiding: Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in.
Kelvin: "This is what cowards do. They hide in their forts." In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?
Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is concerned, but he doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned. They just realized that I am a failure."
But tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going. Now go away."
Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today. Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."
Monkey Shines: In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times -- while Judy fumes.
Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her. Then it jumps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor. She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt. Gross!
BJ says that it's not a competition. He loves both Judy and the Monkey.
Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy. Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe." Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses BJ and the Monkey's request that she visit him.
Kelvin's Nards: At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest). He was the only real competition." Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all. It strengthens me."
Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin -- if he has the nards to show." He takes a meatball from Jesse's plate and, pretending that it is a testicle, eats it. "Tasty."
Left: Kelvin's nards.
More nards after the break
A classic gay-subtext romance in "Godzilla v. Kong: The New Empire." Plus some penises, of course.
For Movie Night this week, we sawGodzilla v. Kong: The New Empire (2024).
I didn't actually understand what was going on most of the time:
There was a Hollow Earth, which you can only get to through a space warp.
A Lost Civilization that predates anything on the surface, where people communicate through telepathy and use crystals to manipulate matter and antimatter.
A Chosen One.
A tribe of giant apes that live next to a volcano, and keep a giant glowing stegasaurus captive. King Kong joins them, becomes their leader after fighting an evil dude, and adopts a baby ape.
Another giant stegasaurus, which fights King Kong in Egypt and takes out the Great Pyramid of Giza.
Nearby Cairo is an Orientalist myth instead of a modern city with skyscrapers and Starbucks.
Is that a gay couple?
A giant glowing moth.
A fight between the two dinosaurs and two apes that takes out Rio de Janiero.
I guess you just have to say "Look! Monsters fighting!"
Five people go to the Hollow Earth to check on Disturbances in the Force or something.
1. Mikael (Alex Fern, top photo), the driver of the transport vehicle, who gets eaten by a man-eating plant right away.
2. Ilene Andrews, an expert on the Iwi Culture of Skull Island, where King Kong lived before he moved to the Hollow Earth.
3. Her adopted daughter Ji, the last of her tribe, who doesn't speak.
4. Tripper (Dan Stevens, left), a roguish, devil-may-care monster veterinarian.
5. Conspiracy theory podcaster Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry).
When Tripper shows up, you assume he's going to be smooching with Ilene by fadeout. That's what happens in 300,000 action adventure movies, right?
Nope. He mentions that they were friends in college, but gives no hint of a past or present relationship. Instead, he starts flirting with Podcaster Bernie, who is suspicious at first but warms up to him.
They hug.
More after the break
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