Spider-Man: Brand New Day: Spidey bulges, visits a bathhouse, and brings a guy flowers. But it's not what you think.

 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies are not great at LGBT representation, and for some reason Spider-man movies are the worst of the lot: "Like all stories, and I mean every single story that has ever been told from Gilgamesh on to the present, including Death in Venice, The City and the Pillar, Call Me By Your Name, and Heartstopper, this story is about a boy and a girl."   So I went into Spider-Man: Brand New Day expecting to hear "feminine smiles are the meaning of life!" every few minutes.

I wasn't wrong.

There are three plotlines that actually could be three separate movies.

Plot #1: In the last movie, Spidey, aka Peter Parker (Tom Holland), zapped the memories of his True Love MJ and buddy Ned to "keep them safe."  Now he's living as a full-time superhero, ignoring the advice of his supervisor and the superhero Black Widow that he should get a girlfriend. 

Suddenly his powers start accelerating, giving him Hulk-style Roid Rage, but his web things fail to work at the most awkward moments.  He needs a device to inhibit some of his spider DNA while allowing the rest of it to keep giving him superpowers.  So he seeks out Incredible Hulk Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo, left), who teaches at Empire State University.

Hulky has lost his True Love.

Cliche alert: His Advanced Physics class is held in a giant lecture hall, like all college classes in movies.

Plot #2: 

After interrogating the various people who helped the Supervillain Scorpion (Michael Mando) escape, Spidey realizes that they're dealing with a being who can jump from mind to mind, peering into their memories and controlling their actions.  They're interested in getting access to a secret vault at the Damage Control headquarters (where they clean up the damage caused by superhero fights, including a lot of superpower-enhancing detritus).  

Eventually the being occupies the mind of Spidey's True Love MJ, and threatens to kill her unless he helps with their goal.  But some of the stuff at Damage Control could kill millions of people, so Spidey refuses.

More after the break, with a spoiler and a cock.

Alex Krazen: College wrestler with a bulge, only male friends, an interest in short guys, and a unique quality. Plus some collegiate dicks.

 

I don't usually post the last names of non-actors, but college wrestler Alex Krazen is unique, for reasons that will become apparent.  

Besides, he has the same initials as Aleks Kurdzielewicz, who I profiled yesterday.

On his Instagram, Alex states that he is a student at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, Connecticut.  

But he poses in a singlet from Praire View A&M in Texas. 

Comments to this photo are rather frisky: "I swear it looked at me first" and "Is it essential to be aroused during wrestling matches?"

He's got some very buffed buds.

And a crazy travel itinerary.  Why would you travel to Tuscaloosa, USC, Boston, and Paris, all in the same month?

I'll take the short guy in the middle first, then the striped pants, and Alex third.  Sorry, dude.

Five guys?  Could we stop for some burgers and fries first?

More after the break.  Caution: even more explicit.

Aleks Kurdzielewicz: Femme boy from Poland with some gay subtext roles and Pride merch. And grown-up co-star cocks, of course.

 

My "Profiles to Do" folder has guys that I added with minimal research, and now, for some of them, I don't remember why.  Have they played gay characters?  Are they gay in real life?  Are there n*de photos?

For instance,  Aleks Kurdzielewicz, a femme boy model and actor from Poland. 

1. Has he played gay characters?

Aleks has nine acting credits on the IMDB, all in Polish or German productions.  Let's hope that they're available to stream in the U.S.

2020: 

Berek, a music video by Plan Be (Bartosz Krupa). Bartosz is chased by men in black masks past a school classroom, a blond women, teenagers smoking, a man and a woman on a couch, and a depressed looking family on a park bench.  Eventually they join him.  Sounds like a critique of the heterosexist job, house, wife, kids trajectory.

2022:

How I Fell in Love with a Gangster, about the rise of infamous gangster Nikos Skotarczak (Tomasz Wlosok, left).  Aleks plays the young Nikos.

An episode of Professional Secrecy (2022), about a woman discovering dark secrets about her husband

2023:

An episode of Na sygnale, about paramedics.  Starring Dariusz Wieteska, left, who has been in 434 episodes to date.

An episde of Dzielnica strachu, about cops fighting crime.

2024:

Oderbruch: Lucas Gregorowicz plays a detective solving a murder in the Oderbruch region of Germany, near the Polish border.  Aleks plays his son. 

Two episodes of Ojciec Mateusz, about a priest (Artur Zmijewski) who solves murders in his spare time. Over 400 to date. 

 He posts a scene where he's getting dressed up and wears his dad's cologne, but he calls it "perfume."  He doesn't mention having a date with a girl.  Sounds like the kid is queer-coded.

 

This is from Artur's performance piece "The Whole One."  Or it might be another Artur.

More after the break

"Stuart Fails to Save" two Brian Smiths and two Josh Brenners. One is gay-ish, one has j/o photos, one went to Harvard, and one is Santa Claus.

I didn't watch The Big Bang Theory (2007-2019) much; the girl-crazy horniness and casual homophobia were too annoying.  But I liked the prequel Young Sheldon (2017-2024), so I decided to give the spin-off Stuart Fails to Save the Universe (2026) a try: 

Stuart (Kevin Sussman), who owned the guys' comic book hangout, and his scoobies zap between parallel worlds, trying to fix the interdimensional transport device that threatens to destroy the universe.

After an episode and a half, I had enough.  The parallel worlds were dull, the jokes unfunny, and the guys spent too much time discussing their failures with women.  Stuart's side quest is to convince the Woman of His Dreams that they were destined to be together, so she should dump her arrogant jock boyfriend.

But I liked the guys shopping at the comic book store in each episode, Zack (Brian J. Smith, left) and Trevor (Josh Brenner). 

Plus, when I checked for nude photos, I scored with Brian (j/o photo after the break).

Brian J. Smith was born in Dallas in 1981, and received a B.A. from Collin College and a M.F.A. in drama from Juliard.  He has a number of theatrical credits, including A Clockwork Orange, The Glass Menagerie, and  Good Boys and True.  

His on-screen career begins with Hate Crime (2005), playing a gay man who is victimized by his next-door neighbor, son of a fundamentalist preacher.

A nice beginning, buddy. 

Stargate Universe (2011-13): Soldiers and civilians are trapped on a spaceship "billions of light years from Earth."  Brian plays Lt. Matthew Scott, second in command.  He's religious and straight, with several past and present girlfriends.

Sens8 (2015-18): A science fiction drama about eight strangers who share a psychic connection: they can actually zap into each other's consciousness.  At one point they have a giant orgy.  Brian plays Will Gorski, a Chicago police officer.  He is straight (except for the orgy), and gets a girlfriend.

Class of '09 (2023) refers to the FBI agents who graduated from Quantico in 2009, tracing their lives to the present (2023/2025) and future (2034). Brian plays Daniel Lennix, who becomes FBI Associate Deputy Director in "the present" and is retired in "the future."   He has a wife.

Ok, I found one: Haze (2024): A journalist (Cole Dolman, top) leaves rehab to return to his home town.  He hooks up with a local guy (Brian) while being depressed and investigating dark secrets.

Brian also directed A House is not a Disco (2024): "The present-day life experiences of those who live, work, and pursue a season of pleasure in the world's most radically queer, "homo-normative" community: Fire Island Pines.

Two gay characters and director of a gay documentary.  Not bad, but not great.  Let's see if the guy is gay in real life:

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.