Chewing Gum: Alien Afro-British girl wants to get laid, but her Bible-throwing boyfriend is gay. With Kenyan cock

  

We've completely run out of tv programs to watch in the evening, so  last night we picked something at random from HBO recommendations: Chewing Gum, which doesn't involve anyone chewing gum. It's a two-season Britcom set in the Afro-British community.  

Tracey (Michaela Cole, who also wrote and starred in the 2012 play) lives in the estate (project, in the U.S.) with her street-preacher mother, who lambasts lesbian couples in the square, and younger sister, who rarely leaves the apartment because Satan is prowling out there. 

Her boyfriend of six years, Ronald (John MacMillan), is a Bible-waving super-fundamentalist who constantly criticizes her for being poor, illiterate, and "loose." They haven't even kissed yet.  Can you guess what the big reveal is?

Another big reveal: Due to makeup artistry or CGI, Tracey does not look human.  Her face protrudes too far, her eyes have that "Classic Gray" loook, and her mouth is distractingly huge.  No one comments on this in the first episode, but she only interacts with people she knows.  Maybe she'll be outed as an alien later. 

 

Tracey has another option, if she ever decides to dump Bible Boy:  Connor (Robert Lonsdale), a street poet who writes about existential angst while sitting on a dumpster, tries an awkward flirtation that starts with telling her that she looks like a slave, then backtracking that he meant it in a good way.

Tracey's best friend Candace, who disgustingly eats peanut butter by sticking her finger in the jar, has a sex problem, too: her boyfriend Aaron (Kadiff Kirwan) is boring in bed, being all gentle and talking about how much he respects her.  She wants it rough. 

More after the break

"True Blood": Vampires come out of the closet amid a Southern Gothic soap opera, with some vamp dicks

We have completely run out of tv shows to watch, except for The Simpsons and Doctor Who, which go on forever, so last night we latched onto True Blood, which ran from 2008 to 2014 on HBO.

This is the stereotypic South of Eudora Welty and Mama's Family, where people named Hoyt Fortenberry shop at the Piggly-Wiggly and drink sweet tea on the veranda, where everyone is related to everybody else's great-grand daddy once removed, and where the War means the Civil War...um, I mean the War of Yankee Aggression.   

It starts in media res, two years after vampires have "come out of the coffin," har har -- yep, the connection with LGBT people is just that heavy-handed -- due to the invention of artificial blood, brand name True Blood, which some humans have developed a taste for.  Snooty fratboy Brett (Josh Kelly, left), looking for a store that sells it, learns too late that every long-haired, multi-ringed Goth isn't a vampire; and sometimes chubby rednecks are.

We switch to the problems of Tara, who gets fired from or quits every job because she doesn't abide idiots and her best friend Sookie, who can read minds.  Sookie and soon Tara work at Merlotte's Bar, where the owner, Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell, top photo and left), is in love with her.  He won't come out with it, but of course Sookie can read his mind.

The only gay character so far is the bar's swishy cook, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), a stereotyped flamboyant, promiscuous queen who  claims he's done most of the men in town, and likes to flirt with racist, homophobic rednecks to get them all scared. He doesn't get a boyfriend until late in the series.

That same evening, the bar's other waitress, Maudette, hooks up with Sookie's brother, Jason (Ryan Kwanten).  She's a fangbanger, a human who likes sex with vampires, because they get rough.  She offers to show him the video, which turns him on so much that he wants to do rough sex, including strangling her...a little too enthusiastically.  And she's taping the encounter!

Kwanten butt after the break

Kelton''s nude photos, with new cock shots, Jak, Gavin, and a bonus fratboy

 

Kelton Dumont, best known as Pontius on The Righteous Gemstones, has not been forthcoming with a lot of physique photos.  This shoulder and arm is about all you're going to see.  But nudity is another matter: he gave us a butt and partial dick shot on the show, and a search of hookup sites reveals some other possibilities.

1. Charleston, February 2024.  I think Kelton was at Bennington College during that month.  

We know that Kelton went back to brunette, and they were filming Righteous Gemstones Season 4 in June 2024, so how does this one look:

2. Hair is too long, but same size cock as the other one.  A possibility.

On to the canonical nudity:

 

1. In Righteous Gemstones Season 3, Pontius has become a surly, profanity-spewing, tattooed thug, rejected by every college he applied to, constantly making out with his girlfriend Makayla. Jesse makes him promise to not have sex in the house.

More Kelton after the break