The Season: Rich straight guys have problems, too. Even in Hong Kong. With some dicks, bulges, yachts, and the dad from "Lost in Space"

I've been fooled by two tv series and a movie today.

Voice mails for Isabelle: A guy sits by Golden Gate Bridge, complaining to his dead sister he can't find his people in San Francisco. Where are all the drag queens. It took me 20 minutes to figure out that it's actually a girl, not a gay guy.  She was wearing a hoodie and pants to trick you into watching.  

Booth Bangla: A guy plans his sister's wedding.  He doesn't express any heterosexual interest -- until halfway through the movie, when he meets the Girl of His Dreams.

Oasis: A family checks into an exclusive resort.  Two boys immediately meet the Girls of Their Dreams, and an established couple smooch.  I was holding out for the teenage daughter to be a lesbian because she keeps cruising girls.  Nope,  she meets the Boy of Her Dreams at Minute 12.  

Heck with it.  I'm watching The Season on Hulu, about "the glittering world of super-yachts, sun, and scandal" in Hong Kong.  At least there will be some nice exterior shots.

Episode 1 Prologue.  A woman tells us: "Hong Kong is a city of bloodlines.  It will destroy you."   An elegantly dressed middle-aged woman floats in the water outside a burning yacht.  She sinks.

Scene 1: Six weeks earlier.  A young woman jogs through Hong Kong.  Nice exterior shots.  Someone named Carrie calls, and tells her that her job today is impress the Hexts.  Impress them, and you've got it made in Hong Kong.

A taxi takes her through the forest to her destination, a mansion or institution.   Carrie ends her cardio work out to greet her.  Back story: Her name is Cola (I love your parents' products, girl!), she has graduated with a degree in economics and maths, and her classmate Carrie, a wealth mover, has invited her to come out to Hong Kong as an intern.  "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get a full-time job offer," Cola says.  Lie?  Steal?  Blow up yachts? 

The summer is Boating Season, where Hong Kong A-Listers decide who they will admit to their social network.  You have one chance to make a good impression; a single misstep, and you're out. 

Scene 2:  A lady, maybe Carrie, tells the staff that everything must be spotless, and asks Jon if he is ready for the maiden voyage.  "Bring on the Bacchanalia," he says in a bored/aesthete tone. He'll be telling the guests to "Diversity at your own risk."  He must be gay.

His teenage daughter sneers: "Great small talk, dad."  Nope. 

On the way upstairs to change, Jon asks a Male Staffer, "Is everything ready?"  Maybe they are having an affair. Wife, now calling him Christopher, says "I really need this to work."

Why the changed name?  It turns out that Bored Aesthete is Christopher (Toby Stephens, the Dad on Lost in Space).  Jon (Lee-Jai Yoon, top photo) is the Male Staffer.  Wife asked him a question while she was walking away from him, toward Christopher, who answered for him.

Scene 3: Cola and Carrie enter the yacht.  They're joined by a guy named Andrew Fung (Chris Pang of Crazy Rich Asians), who was in St. Tropez, but it's too hot in Europe. "Global warming is so inconvenient."

When Carrie introduces Cola, Andrew teases "A younger, hotter version of you?" Heterosexual identity established in his second sentence.  His "lovely wife" Niki arrives and is introduced.  Her family owns the Harbor Club, and are the bitter rivals of the Hexts, whom they are there to impress.  

Next Jay and Sara Byford, from Melbourne, arrive and kiss up to Andrew and his Lovely Wife, but he doesn't like them.  

He does like Hong Kong's most eligible bachelor, David Ho (Justin Chien, left). Maybe he's.....

Confused by the plethora of names?  Don't worry; all you really need to know is that everyone is very rich, very bored, and heterosexual.  

Back story: the family from Scene 2 are Christopher and Fiona Hext.  This is their yacht.  Wait -- everyone is here to impress them.  Why are they concerned about the day going well?  Spoiler alert: they're having financial problems.

Sceme 4: Cola is introduced to the Hext Family.  "How nice to see some new faces!" Fiona Hext exclaims.

Cola is turned on by a semi-shirtlessC hunk with his lady, but Carrie warns her: "God, no, that's Matthias! Just a personal trainer, not rich.  Ignore." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 11.

Left: Lincoln Younes plays Matthias the Personal Trainer, Gigolo, Drug Dealer, and Actor.

Dirt on the Hexts: "Christopher's family practically invented colonialism, and Fiona's Old Hong Kong money fueled it."  

Scene 5: Eligible Bachelor is helping the Captain pilot the ship.  Christopher Hext takes over and asks how things are going since the divorce.  It must be rough.  After all, he and Lian were together for 13 years. Don't get your hopes up -- Lian can be used for any gender, but 2/3rds of the time, it's a girl.  And gay marriage is not permitted in Hong Kong, so he would have to establish residence somewhere else if Lian was a guy.

"You're right, I'm miserable.  How are you doing?"

"Miserable, too."  

More after the break

The 18 biggest, hottest, or most surprising cocks of the musclemen and bodybuilders from Arnold to Slab, with bonus Brian

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Jonathan Lipnicki: The most surprising skinny kid to muscleman transformation of the 2000s. And he's an ally. With Jon's backside and Boo-Boo's dick

 

Born in October 1990, Jonathan Lipnicki became a famous actor at the age of five, playing Tom Cruise's son in Jerry Maguire (1996); comedian Jeff Foxworthy's son on his show (1996-97); and the charge of wacky alien-nanny Bronson Pinchot in Meego (1997). 

Then came four box office-topping movies:

Stuart Little (1999) and Stuart Little 2 (2002): His new brother is a mouse voiced by Michael J. Fox.

The Little Vampire (2000): He has a gay-subtext buddy bond with a vampire, which becomes even more blatant in the animated remake, The Little Vampire 3D (2017).

Like Mike (2002): His buddy finds a pair of magic sneakers that allow him to become a basketball superstar.

Between 1996 and 2002, Jonathan was a superstar.  He appeared on every talk show you could name -- Leno, Letterman, Rosie O'Donnell, Sharon Osbourne. He presented at the American Comedy, Kids' Choice, and British Comedy Awards. He won a Critics' Choice Award.  The media went crazy when he appeared at the Spiderman premiere with Daryl Sabara, the second most famous child star of the 2000s.

Then he started fading away, with movies like When Zachary Beaver Came to Town (2003) and The Teacher from the Black Lagoon (2003), and occasional guest spots.  You could see him on Dawson's Creek, Touched by an Angel, and Monk, but you probably didn't.

It wasn't due to lack of talent. Jonathan was being bullied, branded a "has-been," told "you'll never book a job again,"  harassed with homophobic slurs, attacked for "being gay" (although he's actually straight), "made to feel like garbage every day" through middle school and high school.  He was suffering from anxiety, depression, and nearly daily panic attacks.  His battle with depression is ongoing, but his Jewish faith helps.  And working out. 

Around 2008, a rash of "Where is he now?" articles appeared, with detailed attention paid to Jonathan's increasingly buffed physique.  He was playing water polo and basketball, training in mixed martial arts, and lifting weights.

If you last saw him as a cute kid holding hands with a vampire, the change was astounding.

Becoming a muscleman didn't exactly restore Jonathan to superstardom, but he was very busy, starring in Youthful Daze (2014-15) and Interns of FIELD (2016), Mr. Student Body President (2017-18), and Joe Schmo (2025); plus many movies and shorts.

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He shows his butt in Pitching Tents (2017).  A high school senior has to decide whether to go to work in the factory or study art. Also, he and his buds kiss girls.  I think Jonathan plays one of the friends.  Booboo Stewart (d*ck after the break) plays another.

More after the break

Brian Cage and Lance Hoyt, the "Disclosure Day" demi-gods: Which has nude photos? Which is gay? WIth Riddle rising and Oberst pretending

Disclosure Day (2026), about aliens finally announcing their presence to the world (after hanging around since the Roswell Crash of 1947), offers beefcake only in the first scene.  Danny (Josh O'Connor) stole tapes demonstrating the aliens' presence, and Boss Hogg of the Evil Corporation kidnapped his girlfriend to get them back.  They want to make the trade at a wrestling match.  

I haven't posted a profile of a muscleman for a long time, so I thought I would research the wrestlers, Brian Cage (blue) and Lance Hoyt (red).

Brian Cage, civilian name Brian Button, works for Lucha Underground and Impact Wrestling. Sometimes he performs as Mortis as an homage to his friend Chris Kanyon, who created the character.  As a bodybuilder, he won the 2026 Mr. Nevada competition.

 Other than wrestling shows, he has appeared in:

A fan film, The Fall of Greyskull  (2015), playing He-Man.

The Bloody Man (2020), about a boy who accidentally summons a monster.  Brian plays "Barbarian Man."

And Kill City Cup (2023): A sort of cage-fighting Hunger Games.  He plays a wrestler. 

Brian's Instagram consists almost entirely of selfies, photos from his wrestling and bodybuilding performances, and ladies with big breasts. I got the distinct impression that he is straight.   

Yep, the pro wrestling website tells us that he is married to Melissa Santos, a ring announcer and television personality who works with him in the Lucha Underground.

But at least we have a nude photo.

Or two.

More after the break