Banksters: Nonbinary actor plays a probably gay Turkish-German teenage bank robber. It's not a comedy. With some co-star cocks.

I misread the MAX series Banksters (2025) as Banksies, devotees of the gay-positive street artist Banksy.  It's actually "based on a true story" about teenage bank robbers.  But it stars the nonbinary actor Eren M. Güvercin, who played gay characters in Druck (2018) and Eldorado: Everything the Nazis Hate (2023), so he's certainly playing a gay guy here.

Scene 1: Berlin, 2004.  A group of teenagers trade something off.  It finally gets to Yusuf (Eren) who joins his friend in a car.  Suddenly red dust explodes.

Cut to Yusuf and his little brother (Momo Ramadan, left) doing sit-ups before breakfast.  Brother retrieves a lot of cash from his various toys.  Yusuf puts it in his trunk and drives through Berlin, while listening to news stories about a series of bank robberies.

Momo, not to be confused with the Egyptian singer, looks much older than his character, and gives off a gay vibe.

He visits Baba, probably his father (Numan Acar), in a building being constructed.  Baba is delighted: "I kiss your eyes!"  But when Yusuf tries to give him some cash, he refuses, and advises, "I want you to stop this day trading."

Google AI: Day trading is the buying and selling of securities, such as stocks or options, within the same trading day to profit from small, short-term price movements. 

Scene 2:  An evening soccer game.  Suddenly a Detective arrives, plus a lot of cops in riot gear.  Continuity error: suddenly it's raining.  They wait for Yusuf to make the winning goal, and then arrest him for the bank robberies.

Scene 3: 18 months before the arrest.  Yusuf looks at a bill for 8,100 euros, draws the money out of his bank account, and pays it.  "And pretend that it comes from my father's account: Mohammed Arslan."

The bank clerk finds this suspicious, and calls for the manager to do some research.  Turns out that Dad the 8,100 € is just for the taxes on the real amount due,120,000€!   Couldn't Yusuf still pay for some of it?  Or set up a payment plan?

Scene 4: While Dad is cooking dinner, Yusuf calls his sister into his room, and gives her the dets: Dad has already declared bankruptcy.  Then he was talked into getting a loan, and can't pay it back, and now it's all due!  Yusuf already spent all of his savings on the taxes.

They start to tell Mom, but she rushes right into the kitchen and starts groping and fondling Dad, so they change their minds.

Scene 5: In the present, Yusuf is interrogated by the arresting Detective, who does the Bad Cop routine: "You think you're tough?  You think you're smart?"  

The IMDB only lists three cast members, Eren (Yusuf), Numan (Dad), and Merlin Von Garnier (Malte, not introduced yet). Other sites list Momo Ramadan (the Little Brother), Andreas Pietschmann,  Omid Memar, Michelangelo Fortalezzi, and David Bredin (left).  I don't know which plays the Detective. 

Yusuf he calls his sister and tells her to retrieve an envelope taped underneath his desk.  It contains a business card: "Call her -- it's my lawyer, Dr. Julia Rieger."  Why would you go through the trouble of hiding her card?  Lots of people have lawyers.  

"Plus bring me some clothes and books, and don't tell Mom and Dad." In the U.S., you must notify the parents when you arrest a minor.

More after the break.. Caution: Explicit.

Gavin Duh: Croatian ghost, London Boy, fashionista. With other Gavins and Croatian dudes nude

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David Naughton: The cutest guy of the Disco Era tells us to "Be a Pepper" and shows us his d*ck

 

Is this not the cutest guy you've ever seen?  Other than Wes Stern (sigh) and Adam Devine, of course.

Between 1977 and 1981, the recent University of Pennsylvania graduate David Naughton could be seen in dozens of tv commercials, prancing about in a white shirt, black vest, and bulging jeans, selling Dr. Pepper.

"I'm a Pepper -- wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?"

I don't like the soft drink, but the spokesman was one of my first crushes.

David's fame from the commercials led to an invitation to star in Makin' It (1979), a rip-off of Saturday Night Fever with David and Greg Antonacci as disco-dancing brothers.  He also recorded the theme song:

Makin' it, oo makin' it, I'm solid gold.

I've got the goods

They stand when I walk through the neighborhoods

I'm makin' it

"Hit tv series" was a little premature: Makin' It was canned after nine episodes.

Next came Midnight Madness (1980), with teams of college students on an all-night scavenger hunt.  David's team, the good guys, includes his younger brother (Michael J. Fox before Family Ties).  There are also teams of jocks, spoiled rich kids, and girls.  I didn't notice any gay subtexts.

But American Werewolf in London (1981) has one.

College students David and Griffin Dunne are hiking through the Scottish highlands, when they are attacked by a werewolf.  Griffin is killed, and David turns, in scenes that emphasize his physique and penis.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.4: Wieners, betrayals, a burning a-hole, and Kelvin at his jerkiest. With nude Steve Zahn bonus.

 

Title: "I Am Come Not to Bring Peace But a Sword." A famous quote from Jesus in Matthew 10:34.  Things are going to get dark. 

Some premium fuck dolls:  Keefe and Taryn are leading a Teen and Parents Together "ice cream and wieners" party.  Keefe has apparently never done any ministry without Kelvin, so he is very nervous.  He is not wearing his "wedding ring," maybe worried that it would out him.

The background song is about your lover finding someone new, but:

I say it's misinterpretation, a case of your infatuation
I know it's me who's on your mind,  I know you're only killing time
You'll be back eventually, you'll be back permanently.  You're still in love with me.

Wait -- has Keefe broken up with Kelvin to date Taryn?  Or is this a precursor of another break-up, coming later?

The parents point out that they know very little about Keefe, even though he is a youth minister, in charge of nurturing their children.   Before Keefe has a chance to answer any questions, Biker Clarence, the owner of the store that he bought out, drops by to praise him for buying "every last butt buzzer I had in stock!"   He invites Keefe to check out the new merchandise coming in: "We got some premium fuck dolls!"  Inappropriate, dude! You're in an ice cream shop. Don't you notice the kids around? 

Top photo: Biker Clarence is played by George Paez, who doesn't have any nude photos online, so I substituted Steve Zahn in Saving Silverman

Taryn and Keefe assure the parents that "it's not what you think."  That is, Keefe isn't actually gay, he bought the toys for a project "we did with your kids."  Even worse!  But didn't the parents know about Smut Busters?  You have to get permission slips every time you take the kids off church property.

The boys at the Citadel: Next, Jesse and Amber complain to their teenage son Pontius that he has too many tattoos,  he shouldn't be having sex with his girlfriend, and he's been rejected by every college he applied to.Come on, he's a world-famous Gemstone.  Christian colleges will fight to get him in.  

Jesse wants to send him to the Citadel, the South Carolina military college: the boys there "would split your ass like a pair of damn Chinese chopsticks." He means that the boys would harass Pontius, but the threat of anal sex hangs in the air.

Sunday morning: after  "getting ready for church" scenes, the Gemstones and Montgomerys walk down a hallway the Salvation Center. The shots in the trailer caused considerable fan speculation: why do Kelvin and Keefe look so angry?  I still don't know.

Loud and Proud:  We see the beginning of the service, a Christian rock number, with May-May disapproving and Cousin Karl loving it.  Then it's time for the family dinner at Jason's Steakhouse, and a practically endless series of queer codes.  Interesting that the guys start being obviously a couple immediately after the Cousin's Night romantic interlude.

May-May disapproves of her sons' silk suits: too shiny, "like a lady's neglige.  A little loud and proud for me."  In other words, they make the boys look gay.  Jesse yells at her for "talking trash." Implying that someone is gay constitutes "talking trash"? That's homophobic, dude.

Judy defends the boys from the "accusation," saying that they are attractive to women. So you turn gay because you can't find a woman?  Laying on the homophobia, aren't we?

As he listens to his family's homophobic banter, Kelvin looks like he's about to cry.   And Keefe -- that's the look your boyfriend gets at Thanksgiving Dinner, when your parents told you to not "cause a scene" by coming out, and then Uncle Bob starts complaining about "fags taking over." Cavalero got it exactly right.

.

Holding Hands under the Table:  Peter Montgomery -- Steve Zahn -- enters, announces that he has a new militia compound "on a farm," and invites his sons to join him.  They refuse, so he circles the table, threatening that retribution is coming.  

As he circles, Keefe moves his right hand under the table.  Then Kelvin moves his left hand under the table. These are not random acts:  Boyfriends who are scared (and closeted) would look for reassurance by holding hands.

Their hands stay under the table until Peter threatens Judy, and Eli steps in, telling him to leave or he'll be shot.  Everyone in the family except Gideon, Kelvin, and Keefe pulls out a gun.  A gun expert on the fan board pointed out that only Amber and BJ are holding them properly.  

Then Kelvin,  frightened (of his family's guns?), says something indecipherable to Keefe, who moves his hand back to the table top and makes a finger-gun.  Kelvin looks around for a weapon, and brandishes a fork.  His left hand is still under the table, and stays there, holding Keefe, until Peter circles the table again.  

Now the "wedding rings" are fully visible, matching men's silver wedding bands with black diamond inlay (the real thing sells for over $4000),  on the ring finger of Kelvin's left and Keefe's right hand.  

They will be emphasized several times during the season, especially when Kelvin is thinking about or talking about Keefe.  They are symbols of the relationship, which means that the guys exchanged them deliberately.  They have a permanent commitment.  Kelvin can't say that they are lovers, but he can show it.

For a little while, anyway.

It makes my a-hole burn: The backlash to the ice cream-and-wieners party begins when Kelvin finds a letter in the Teen Time suggestion box: "Keefe is weird. I am not comfortable with him around kids." Is "weird" being used as a euphemism for "gay" again?

He yells at Keefe for messing up: "You had one job! It's your only responsibility."  Dude is missing the point entirely.  He should be concerned with defending Keefe's character.

He wants to know what went wrong.  Keefe explains that the porno shop owner "outed me in front of the parents."  Not outing him as a participant in the Smut Busters: that wasn't a secret.  Bike Clarence made it sound like Keefe bought the butt buzzers and fuck dolls for himself, thus "outing" him as gay. 

Well, did Keefe explain that he bought the toys on church business?  He tried, but he couldn't really articulate how buying sex toys helped the church.  Kelvin gets even more angry; Keefe's inability to handle this incident without outing himself -- and by implication, both of them -- suggests that he is not qualified to be assistant youth pastor.  So, are you going to fire him, or what?

What about the parents' concerns? "This kind of talk makes my a-hole burn."  Keefe responds: "I hate to think that I'm responsible for your a-hole burning."

I have never heard anyone use that expression to mean angry or upset, nor can I find it online.  It's quite likely that Kelvin's real a-hole is burning: remember that he just stopped withholding anal sex. If your partner is too big or too enthusiastic, as he is bound to be after a drought, he can create tiny tears, resulting in rectal burning and itching.  In Season 1, Kelvin's a-hole burned  after a similar experience, tied into his guilt over being gay  Now it's the possibility of being outed, and its impact on his career, that burns him. Will he be backing away from the erotic again, to maintain the illusion that he and Keefe are just good buddies?

Sip and Paint: A scene of Kelvin/Keefe problems will inevitably be paired with BJ/Judy problems.  They are on another date night, at a sip-and-paint studio. Why do they get so many dates, when Kelvin/Keefe get none?  

Someone sends BJ a dick pic!  He wants to email the guy to explain the mistake, because "some lucky gal's missing out on that glorious cock shot."  Did you forget that gay men exist, Buddy?  I'm sure your brothers-in-law would enjoy looking at a glorious cock.  Uh-oh, Judy realizes that Stephen, the guy she had the affair with, sent it on purpose to big-dick her husband!

The White Slap: Next, Jesse gets is initiated into the Cape and Pistol Society, for the elite of evangelical ministers. He sparrs with rival Vance Simkins, and uses so many cuss words that he's sentenced to a "white slap" -- literally being slapped by someone wearing a scary white mask. 

Then Baby Billy confronts him: "You are so hell-bent on running this church the way your daddy did, but you ain't your daddy." This line in the trailer led to widespread speculation that Eli had died, but it was just a misdirection.  Then Baby Billy suggests that a performance by Aimee-Leigh, Eli's dead wife and a famous gospel singer, would get some butts into the seats.  But how can she perform? 

Probably there are videos of her singing at the Grand Ole Opry or something. Baby Billy may explain, but who's paying attention?  Viewers are pushing the fast-forward button, anxious to see what happens with Kelvin and Keefe.

Rumors Swirling:  At the church food court -- notice the booths for Fancy Nancy's Chicken, Jason's Steakhouse, and "Wok on the Water" --  Kelvin, in virginal white instead of his usual green to emphasize his purity, listens to parental concerns about Keefe.  

"We do not feel safe with the assistant youth pastor. We heard he's a devil worshipper" and "I don't want him influencing our children."  

The most obvious conclusion from the sex toys debacle would be that Keefe bought them for pedophile grooming, but no one accuses Keefe of child molestation.  You don't say that a pedophile is a bad influence, you say that he is a danger. They think that Keefe is gay.  

This is Kelvin's chance to exonerate Keefe by coming clean: "Buying the sex toys was all my idea. I thought it would be a good teen project.  Keefe was just following my orders."  But instead he throws the guy under the bus in order to stay closeted: "I vouch for him.  He is one of my closest personal friends. He is my dude."  

A parent (Nick Arapoglou,  left) responds: "With all the rumors swirling about you, can't you see how strange this all looks?"

"There's rumors swirling about me?" Kelvin asks, shocked.  He thought that he was adequately closeted, and maybe he was -- Evangelicals often have trouble conceiving of a Man of God being "that way," so they may have let his feminine mannerisms and lack of interest in women slide.  But with Keefe outed, the rumors are bound to swirl. If Kelvin is outed as well,  his career as a youth pastor...as a pastor of any sort...as a Gemstone...

"Remove him, or we remove our kids." a parent demands. 

Kelvin literally runs away. 

It gets worse after the break