John Karlen: Vampire's boyfriend, lesbian subtext husband, bi guy shows his stuff. Plus nude Sean Penn and Tim Matheson

 

During the hippie era, what kid didn't run home from school every day to catch the last ten or fifteen minutes of the Gothic soap Dark Shadows (1966-71)?   It wasn't enough time to comprehend most of the plotlines, but you could get a glimpse of the blatant romance between brooding vampire Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) and his boyfriend..um...hired hand, Willie Loomis (John Karlen).  Probably not deliberate in the late 1960s, but since Jonathan Frid and several other cast members were gay, and John Karlen arguably bi, it's a possibility.

I've already covered the romance in detail, but I thought it was high time for a profile of John Karlen.

John was born in Brooklyn in 1933, to Polish immigrant parents.  After high school he served in the Korean War, then attended the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, graduating in 1958.  

Between 1958 and 1965, John made his mark on Broadway with roles in Sweet Bird of Youth, Invitation to a March, Arturo Ui, The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here, All in Good Time, and Postmark Zero. Wow, Tennessee Williams, Bertolt Brecht...classy.

Plus episodes of those standalone dramas that they broadcast in the early days of television, before they figured out that ongoing situations would draw in more viewers: Kraft Theater, Armstrong Circle Theater, Camera Three.  

The boy was 34 years old, and on his way to a serious dramatic career.  Then, for a reason lost to history, he switched to soap operas.

John appeared in 74 episodes of the CBS soap  Love is a Many Splendored Thing  (1967-68) as "sneering playboy" Jock Porter.  He begins dating Chinese-American medical student Mia while she is "on a break" from her regular boyfriend (without telling him).  But she discovers that Jock paid for his previous girlfriend's illegal abortion, dumps him and returns to Hong Kong.

When he wasn't on the CBS call sheet, John walked three blocks over to ABC, to play con man Jason Maguire's "friend," Willie Loomis on Dark Shadows.  When Barnabas Collins was introduced, he was upgraded to vampire companion, and appeared on 179 episodes (1967-71). 

He also buddy-bonded with the vampire as Desmond Collins in 1840, and as the flamboyant "green carnation" Carl Collins in 1897. 

After Dark Shadows, John's vampire background got him a starring role in the "erotic horror" Daughters of Darkness (1971).  Stefan (John) falls in love with Valerie, and says that they have to elope because his "mother" will disapprove.  Surprise!  He's in a gay relationship with Fons Rademaker, who of course disapproves of being dumped for a girl.

The newlyweds check into a hotel in Belgium, where they meet the famous real-life vampire Elizabeth Báthory and her lesbian lover.  Seductions, three-ways, psychological games, and murder follow.  Only Valerie survives.

I don't recommend it because it's nonstop naked ladies, but there's a gay connection, and we get to see John's butt.

Several times. 

And his dick, but it's too small and blurry for a decent screen capture.  How about Malcolm McDowall instead?  A Clockwork Orange premiered in 1971, also.

More after the break

Jett Klyne: The future bisexual superhero spends his teen years bodybuilding and dating guys. With two twink dicks and an Ecuadorian bulge

 

In Wandavision (2021), the Scarlet Witch, memory-wiped and trapped in a sitcom world, has two sons, Billy and Tommy (Justin Hilliard, Jeff Klyne).  In Agatha All Along (2024), after being adopted by a Jewish family and losing and regaining his memory, Billy Maximoff becomes the gay Jewish superhero Wiccan.  So of course I had to do a profile of Justin.

But what about Tommy Maximoff (Jett Klyne)?  He grows up to become the superhero Speed, who is bisexual in the comics: he dated Kate Bishop in Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade (2010-12), and the male superhero Prodigy in Emperor Hulkling (2020).  He explains "I crushed on who I crushed on."   

Maybe I'd better do a profile of Jett, too.

Jett arguably has a more gay/femme affect.  Guess which is Tommy.

And he has spent his teen years working out.  

I'll answer the standard two questions: has Jett appeared in any movies or tv shows of gay interest?; and is he gay in real life?

Gay-Themed Movies/TV Shows:

 In 2014, when Jett was seven years old, he was in Writing Kim: Aspiring writer Annie (Jett's Mom) heads off on a road trip seeking inspiration, and meets Kim, who has a husband and son (Jett) but also likes ladies. Kim inspires her to embrace her sexual fluidity (you mean she's bi?)  In 2020, it was selected for qFlix, the Philadelphia LGBTQ film festival.  

According to his IMDB biography, Jett's break-out role was in Z (2019).  So a one-word title was too long?  Joshua (Jett) has an "imaginary" friend, Z, who gets more and more disruptive, sabotaging his relationship with his real life friend Daniel and trying to kill his father.  Finally we learn that Z is using Joshua to get to his mother. 

I haven't seen it, but the gay subtexts sort of jump out at you, don't they?

Left: Since Jett is 16 as of this writing, I won't be looking for nude photos, so here's a random twink.

He has a lot of pre-Wandavision guest appearances, mostly in movies that I never heard of: Devil in the Dark, Manny Dearest, The Humanity Bureau, Skyscraper.  Plus three significant post-Wanda movies:

The Boy in the Woods (2023). During World War II, as the Jewish population of Buczarc is being rounded up for the concentration camps, Max (Jett) is sent to live with Janko (Richard Armitage), a synpathetic non-Jewish farmer.  But Janko fears for his family's safety, so he kicks the boy out.  While hiding in the woods, Max forms a buddy-bond with the sensitive, artistic, gay-coded Yanek (David Kohlsmith, right); they discuss their future, living together as artists in Paris, and try to adopt the baby of a dead woman. 

Yanek dies, but the baby grows up, and Max re-unites with her in old age, so symbolically the two had a family.  A definite gay subtext or text.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.9: Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day. With a Haitian dick bonus.

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family.  It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.  

Title: "Better is the end of the thing than the beginning." Ecclesiastes 7:9.  Not things being over: at the beginning of the task, there are many problems ahead, many ways that things could go wrong, a lot of pain and sadness.  At the end, you can relax and enjoy the results of your hard work.

Chicken bone voodoo:  After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew were wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all. 

Later, Amber tells Jesse that if he wants to reconcile, he'll have to go to Haiti, where Gideon is doing missionary work, and bring him back. Their conversation is surprisingly racist, referencing chicken bone voodoo, AIDS, and cannibalism.

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch).  They're watching The Neverending Story., at the scene where Artax  horse/companion of the hero Atreyu (Noah Hathaway), is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking to his death.  Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend.  I love you."  Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears 

In the movie, the Childlike Empress is sick, thus allowing the Darkness (hopelessmess, despair) to slowly devour the Kingdom of Fantasia.  Young hero Atreyu is looking for a cure to save Fantasia, but he is unable to save his horse/friend Artax.  Maybe Kelvin is thinking of how he couldn't save Keefe from his own Sadness:  "My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm coming unhinged." The siblings ignore him, so he repeats: I'm in emotional turmoil, dealing with some very painful questions about myself."  

"For real?"  Jesse immediately becomes serious.  Remember, he thinks that Kelvin is gay, but in denial.  Is he ready to come out?

Nope.  "I've always felt like, maybe, I'm Him."  He's always felt like he is Jesus? Say what?  Dude, that's full-blown psychosis.

Actually, many cult leaders claim to be Jesus.  Wikipedia lists 40 in the 20th and 21st centuries alone, including Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara, David Koresh.  It doesn't usually end well.

Kevin's reasons: we both care about people; people like us, and want to follow us. Wait -- you just have one follower, Keefe, and he's not worshipping you.  He gets on his knees for another reason entirely.  

Plus: "(Jesus) didn't date much, didn't have the urge or the need to.  That's me for days."  Fans sometimes use this line to argue that Kelvin is asexual, not experiencing desire for anyone, but in a heteronormative society, surely he means "urge or need to date women."  I'm sticking with the theory that Kelvin was out there breaking his celibacy promise, shoving his cock through the glory holes at Club Sinister every night, and feeling guilty about it the next morning.  

Jesse, aware of another reason for Kelvin's lack of interest in women, assures him that he's not Jesus, but "that doesn't mean you're not a decent man."  Notice that he uses the term "man," signifying that Kelvin is grown-up, an adult, regardless of his sexual identity.

But Kelvin doesn't buy it.  Another voice is telling him, "If you can't be him, maybe you can be me...Satan."  We know from the Satanic Sweep and the Club Sinister rescue that, in Kelvin's eyes, Satan is all about sex, or sex is all about Satan.  The only way he can explain his homoerotic desire, and maybe his homoerotic intimacy, is by fashioning himself "the Dark Lord of the family."  After all of this, how did fans continue to argue that Kelvin was straight?

He's very tired -- he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Because he usually shares his bed with Keefe?  And he misses Mama, who used to tell him that everything's gonna be ok.  She's gone, so Jesse and Judy step up: "Everything's gonna be ok.  You'll get it figured out."  It's not hard to figure out, Dude.  Lots of people are gay.

Before we continue, some bonus Haitian guys. 

I think he's from Jamaica

He's not my boyfriend:  Earlier in the episode, Kelvin reveals that "he's coming apart," certain that his lack of interest in women and recent forays into "darkness" signify that he is the Devil.  The siblings tried to comfort him, but apparently it didn't help: he shows up at the teen group wearing a Goth teddy outfit, mascara, pale lipstick, dark glasses, and shiny vinyl pants, and announces "I have transformed myself into something Dark."  He's not Jesus, but a vile creature of sin.  He must leave them.  

But his replacement, Ronald Meyers (Josh Warren), is "pure": chubby, greasy-haired, an assistant manager at the GameStop.  One can't help but conclude that "pure" means "never had sex," a contrast with Kelvin, who obvioulsy has. 

Kelvin makes a dramatic exit.  Dot Nancy, whom he rescued from Club Sinister, scoffs, as if to say "What an idiot!", and follows. "Is this about your boyfriend?"  Notice that she is not being pejorative; she honestly believes that they are a gay couple.  

Kelvin corrects her:  "Ok, no, he's not my boyfriend. We're just a couple dudes who like to hang out. Why?"  He's being awfully nonchalant -- compare Season 3, where "rumors swirling around" drive him into a panic.  He's already the Dark Lord, a being infused by homoerotic desire, so why get upset over a simple mistake?

Fans who insist that "Kelvin is straight!" often point to this statement, but maybe they're not "boyfriends," partners in a caring, emotionally-fulfilling relationship.  Kelvin believes that Satan is all about sex, not love, so whatever he feels for Keefe -- whatever he does with Keefe -- must be driven solely by lust.   

More after the break

"Wonder Man": Not-quite-gay struggling actor, superhero, or both? Plus we see Yahya's dick, and there's a big shock: Ben Kingsley is straight

 

Wonder Man (2026) has two contradictory premise descriptions.  On Disney Plus, it's  about "two actors at opposite ends of their careers" (Yahya Abdul-Mateen, Ben Kingsley), so we're expecting a wry comedy-drama about show business, like Entourage.  

On the IMDB, it's about a guy who gets superpowers and "is thrust into the world of superheroes," so we're expecting aerial battles with costumed baddies, like The X-Men.

Different types of viewers will be interested in each.  It's cute the way the try to rope in each.  But won't it backfire when half of the audience realizes that it's been tricked?

Plus Ben is gay in real life, Yahya displayed his dick in Watchmen, and both have played gay characters, so there's bound to be some representation.  And maybe some cocks.

Episode 1, "Matinee."  

Scene 1: A low-budget 1960s style superhero movie, with the caped crusader Wonder Man (Dane Larson) having a poorly-choreographed fight with some evil aliens.  Pull back to reveal a bored dad and fascinated son, Young Simon (Kameron J. Meadows). 

Cut to the grown-up Simon (Yahya) marking up a script, then doing shuddering and squealing warm-ups.  The production assistant (Talha Ehtasham) fetches him, and they walk across the entire studio, in a call-back to those backstage movies of the Golden Age of Hollywood.  

They reach a  university classroom set on American Horror Story.  The director describes the scene: Classes are over, and Professor Harpin (Simon) is packing up his desk, when Laura enters.  They discuss the Aztec God of Death. Then Laura turns into a monster and bites his head off.

Simon offers more and more nitpicking suggestions: "If I'm jealous of Laura getting tenure, should I be friendly?  Shouldn't I be packing up a copy of  Aztec Thought and Culture instead of Aztec Civilization?"   He researched the Aztecs for one line in a cheesy tv show? The director and gaffer get more and more annoyed, and finally cut the character.  Your own fault, buddy.

Scene 2: Establishing shots of the Hollywood Sign, highway traffic jams (I remember those!) and people waiting in a long line to audition.   Simon returns to his apartment to find guys moving everything out.  His girlfriend is dumping him, and taking her stuff.  Heterosexual identity established at minute 9:40. She explains that he is emotionally distant.  

As she leaves, the building shakes.  Earthquake, or is Simon getting superpowers? 

Scene 3: Simon goes to see Midnight Cowboy (1969), with Jon Voight as a gay-ish hustler.  Getting some tips for your new career, buddy?   A creepy old guy (Ben Kingsley) is talking loudly on his phone. To "Sweetie," presumably his girlfriend.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.  

Simon tells him to shut up, but he thinks it's ok because it's just the movie trivia and commercials. 

Simon recognizes him as Trevor, who played The Mandarin ten years ago, and Edgar Allan Poe in the 1970s.

Scene 4: They watch the movie, and are impressed by the gay-subtext romance between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman.  "Touching... moving...powerful."  Afterwards, Simon annoys Trevor with his nitpicking trivia about the film; he would rather talk about Schlesinger's production of Timon of Athens.

Trevor has to leave, as he is auditioning for Wonder Man.  Simon's favorite movie as a kid!   

More after the break