Jonathan Taylor Thomas: The teen idol superstar plays gay characters, retires from acting before he can show us his dick. Probably.

 

During the early 1990s, ABC offered a "family-friendly" lineup on Wednesday nights, beginning with The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage courting the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.  We sang a parody of the theme song, the Beatle's "With a Little Help from My Friends":

What would you do if I shat on your shoes?
Would you get up and kick me to the moon?

Before turning the channel to CBS, with The Nanny and Melrose Place.

But we knew about each of the shows, because you knew about every show in the era. They included:

Doogie Houser, with Neil Patrick Harris (right, recent photo) as a 13 year old doctor named Doogie.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a coach.

And Home Improvement, with Tim Allen as a grunting, sweating macho man who hosts a tool-themed tv series and tries to instill grunting, sweating masculinity into his three sons.  Zachery Ty Bryant (playing Brad), the eldest and most muscular, was promoted as a teen idol to draw in teenage girls (they weren't aware of gay boys).  But oddly, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas (playing Randy) who took off, causing millions of teenage and preteen girls to tune it (again, no gay boys exist).  It quickly jumped to #2 in the ratings.

Wait -- Brad is a jock, a football star, a letterman who every girl in the school swoons over.  Randy is soft, bookish, somewhat femme, playing "a fairy" in the school play, an aspiring actor and journalist.  How did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do it?

The showrunners were stumped. They should have realized that straight girls and gay boys just starting to recognize their romantic interests prefer soft, cuddly, and relatable: Malcolm, not Reese (Malcolm in the Middle), Chris, not Drew (Everybody Hates Chris); Adam, not Barry (The Goldbergs). 

In the mid-1990s, Home Improvement moved to Tuesdays, in the hope that its popularity would help stragglers like Spin City.  We still steered clear of the grunting, sweating Tim Allen, quickly changing from Roseanne (ABC) to Frasier (CBS) and then back for Drew Carey (ABC).    

But we could hardly ignore JTT; he was on every magazine cover, in every talk show.

He presented at the Emmies and the Golden Globes.

We saw him waving in Thanksgiving and Christmas parades

He appeared in specials honoring Tom Cruise and Lauren Hutton

He praised James Bond in a documentary about the super-spy.

Elton John hugged him.

He played Tom Sawyer opposite Devon Sawa's Huckleberry Finn in Tom and Huck (1995), with a story only vaguely related to the original novels.

An adventure boy opposite Devon Sawa and Scott Bairstow (left) in Wild America (1997).

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

The Mystery of Xale/Egor Spider: From New York or Texas? Or Russia? Fitness model or car salesman? Big or small cock? Is he Spider-Man?

 

It was an Instagram page consisting of 30 or so photos of this guy flexing, all posted in July 2026.

Sometimes wearing glasses and a cowboy hat.  His name was Xale Spider.

He's also got a Spider Xale  Instagram, with photos of Spider-man, real spiders, his sister, who is wearing a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt, and his Dad, who seems to own a carpet store.  

I found SpiderXale on X, with 24,000 followers but no content except for a few "sensitive content" photos, and "New York."  Wait -- what about Wisconsin?

He seems to be a redhead now.

It linked to a site called Fansly, which seems to be like OnlyFans.  You pay $9 per month for "Hot Content."  Except there are no examples, and now his name is Egor Xale.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Jonathan Tison: Short, obviously gay Harrison Houde lookalike with a boyfriend, a chest, and cock pics. Well, at least one of those.

This one wasn't my fault.  I saw the Instagram recommendation while on my cell phone: Jonathan Tillson, a cute short guy who looks like Harrison Houde, Bowie on Some Assembly Required.  Plus he has beefcake shots, and he's obviously gay -- the first 12 photos on his Instagram show him hugging, riding the back of, and visiting Greece with his boyfriend.  Perfect for a profile!    

But when I returned on my laptop, the recommendation was gone, and Jonathan Tillson is a white-haired comedian from Boston.  

Maybe Tillotson?  Or John instead of Jonathan?

It took a lot of sleuthing, including going through my search history and cache, to find short, obviously gay actor Jonathan Tison.

I like profiling little-known, obscure actors rather than superstars, and  Jonathan has only five acting roles listed on the IMDB:

A 2014 episode of the true-crime docuseries Snapped: In Mississipi in 2006, a woman killed her estranged husband, but talked her thirteen-year old half-brother (played by Jonathan) into confessing to the crime. 

A 2018 episode of the true-crime docuseries Murder Calls: In Oklahoma in 2011, a woman claims that an intruder broke into the house and killed her husband, but actually she did it.  Jonathan plays Young Tim, but there's no Adult Tim in the cast list.

A 2018 episode of the true-crime docuseries Murder By Numbers. Dallas cops track down the Eyeball Killer.  Jonathan plays the teenage Eyeball.

You're getting typecast, buddy.

Jonathan wrote, directed, and starred in two shorts:

Fade From View (2025): A teenager (Jonathan), "caught in the fallout of his parents' divorce," goes to live with his grandfather.  They bond "in the stillest hours past midnight."

Left: I think this is Jonathan's backside.

At least it doesn't begin "After the death of...", like 90% of these vanity projects.

Joint Hatred for Paul (2025): Writing partners Noah (Jonathan) and Ava discuss how much they hate Paul Shoeman (not a real person, and not in the cast list).

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But wait -- there's more.  Jonathan has a personal website where he identifies as an "actor, singer, dancer, adventurer" from Knoxville, Tennessee, who began performing at age nine, and has worked on professional, regional, and LORT stages.  He specializes in "The Earnest Boy-Next-Door, whose infectious smile tries to distract from the truth his eyes can't hide."  

His resume lists ten theatrical credits, but most are identified as "family-friendly," which means "heterosexuals only."  I'll check those that don't have the FF label:

Double Helix, a musical about the woman who helped discover the structure of DNA, while facing misogyny and anti-semitism. Jonathan played her coworker, Raymond Gosling, who was straight in real life.

Titus Andronicus.  He played Lucius, son of the violent warrior-king.  Straight.

Urinetown has no specifically gay characters, but sometimes productions play up the gay subtexts.  But Jonathan's character, Bobby Strong, gets The Girl.

Left: Bobby was played by  Richard Fleesman in the London production.

She Loves Me: Jonathan played Arpad, the teenage delivery boy who has a gay-subtext bond with shop owner Maraczek in this ancestor of You Got Mail. 

One gay-subtext role out of 15 theatrical and on-screen performances is not a great record, Jon Baby.  But at least you're going to show us your cock, right?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit

Daniel DiMaggio: The queerbaiting boy of "American Housewife" grows up to play Count Chocula and post n*de photos

 

You may be familiar with Daniel DiMaggio, no relation to Joe DiMaggio, as Oliver Otto on American Housewife (2016-21).  I never heard of it, but I wouldn't have watched anyway.  Who wants to watch a sicom about June Cleaver or Donna Reed?  

It starred Katy Mixon as Katie Otto, a housewife who, although not pretentious herself, is immersed in the ultra-pretentious world of ladies who lunch in Westport, Connecticut, along with her husband (Diedrich Bader), two daughters, and son Oliver (Daniel). 

She has a lesbian best friend, and there's a gay character (Jake Choi) in Season 5, so there's a bit of representation.  The main problem fans had was queerbaiting Oliver.  

He is presented as gay, with everything from pictures of muscular men on his bedroom wall to an interest in ballet to a boyfriend, the wealthy, femme Cooper (Logan Bell).  Everyone thinks they are boyfriends, anyway, including Cooper himself, who is upset every time Oliver claims that they are not dating.  But then he backs off and gets a girlfriend.  

Logan Bell (the femme one) is gay in real life, and states that he played Cooper as gay.  So why five seasons of "crumbs" that led nowhere?  Fans were irate when the showrunners were too cowardly to let Oliver come out.

Daniel already has two strikes against him (baseball metaphor, har har) for five years of queerbaiting.  Let's check on his other projects.

He was born in 2003 in Los Angeles, and began acting at age nine in the short Geisho (2010): a man (Horatio Sanz) wants to become the world's first male geisha.  Kind of gender-fluid.

Next, a 2013 episode of Burn Notice, which, I discovered today, is not about a hospital burn unit, in spite of the misleading title.  It's about a spy who was "burned" (fired). How the heck are potential viewers supposed to know that?   Daniel plays the young version of focus character Michael (Jeffrey Donovan). 

More after the break