Chad Allen: The Dr. Quinn hunk is outed, but still plays heterosexual romantic leads and a gay detective. With his cock and 1990s San Francisco

I finally cleaned out my "Profiles to Do" file,  eliminating Tyler Posey (extremely ugly), Ethan Cutkosky (only four photos), and Raphael Luce (already profiled him). Twelve guys are left: Nicholas Bechtel, Nathaniel Bacon, Ben Patrick Johnson...wait, Chad Allen.  The name brings back a flood of memories.

In 1995, my partner Lane and I moved to San Francisco, because why wouldn't you?  It was Gay Heaven.  It was also very difficult, cold, crowded, dirty, and dangerous.  Lane lasted for about six months before dumping me and high-tailing it back to the comfort of West Hollywood.  I stuck it out for two years.

The main problem: We felt obligated to serve as stand-ins for the thousands of gay men who dreamed of living in Gay Heaven.  Every moment had to count.  Every night was a mad rush of beer busts, bear parties, AIDS benefits, book signings, art openings, film premieres, and hookups, until, by Saturday night we were exhausted, and more often than not just wanted to get Chinese take-out and chill in front of the tube.  So we watched Married..with Children, Lois & Clark, Leaving L.A. (because we had left L.A.), and Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman (1993-98)

Jane Seymour played the titular doctor, also known as Doctor Mike, who moved out West in 1867 to deal with gamblers, grifters, bureaucrats, cowboys, Indians, and a lot of sick and dying people.  No gay characters, but come on, she was named Mike, she disguised herself as a man on many occasions, and she had a lesbian-subtext romance with her midwife, Charlotte.  After The Girl died, Doctor Mike adopted her three children and started a romance with a cowboy (Joe Lando).  You have to move on.

Chad Allen played Matthew Cooper, Dr. Mike's adopted son.  His plotlines involved trying to father his younger siblings after Mom's death (by rattlesnake bite), getting a girlfriend (who dies of rabies), being trapped in a cave-in, getting a new girlfriend, getting a gambling addiction, chasing cattle rustlers, and having various accidents.  Sure, it was ridiculous, but in the 1990s everything on tv was ridiculous.  Remember Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210?

Joe Lando appeared in Playgirl, but didn't show his dangly bits.

But Chad did.  At least, some leaked photos purportedly of a young adult Chad made the rounds of nude celebrity websites in the early 2000s.

Chad had been appearing heart-warmers and tear-jerkers since he was seven years old: Hotel, Webster, Highway to Heaven, Punky Brewster, and The Wonder Years (that's Fred Savage beside him).

His most iconic role was Tommy Westphal, the autistic son of Dr. Westphal in 17 episodes of the homophobic medical drama St. Elsewhere (1983-88).  We only watched one episode, and it was homophobic.

The season finale of St. Elsewhere revealed that the entire series was imagined by Tommy as he gazed at a snow globe.   It was all a dream. This enraged fans, but isn't all fiction someone's dream?

Chad also played more conventional roles, like the 12-year old David Witherspoon in 46 episodes of the dramedy Our House (1986-88).  The then-famous curmudgeon Wilford Brimley starred as the grandpa to three cute kids.

And Zach Nichols, who competes with Giovanni Ribisi for the attention of The Girl in 26 episodes of the comedy (sort of) My Two Dads (1987-1990).

In 1996,  Chad was outed when the tabloid The Globe published a leaked photo of him kissing a guy!  

Usually in the 1990s, coming out or being outed meant an instant end to your career, but Jane Seymour was a strong LGBT ally, and insisted that Chad continue appearing as Matthew in every episode of Dr. Quinn.  The writers did manage to avoid giving him a new girlfriend.

More after the break

Researching Matt Lloyd's practically perfect penis. With many competing cocks, and the rules for rating them

 

The penis is my favorite part of a man's body, not only because of what it can do (or I can do with it), but because of its aesthetic beauty.

The guy may be tall and thin, with long hands and multi-ringed fingers.

He may have a long, angular face and beady rodent-eyes.  

He may have toothpick-thin arms and a shallow chest.   

He may have the personality of a marsupial.

But when he drops his pants, everything else fades away.  When have you ever seen an unattractive cock?

I recentlly profiled Johnny Karn, who played one of Alex's boyfriends on Modern Family and a virgin podcaster on Scream: The Series.  His aroused cock is magnificent, one of the most beautiful I've ever seen.  

And a few days ago, an example of a perfect soft cock appeared on the celebrity cock subreddit,  It met every criterion of perfection:

• The cock should hang down to just above the ball sack.
• The shaft should be about twice as long as it is thick.
• The head should be slightly larger than the shaft, but not a mushroom.
• No thick veins should be visible.
• The color should be consistent throughout.

The subreddit said that he was Matt Lloyd, appearing nude in something called Here & Now. 

We see his butt, too, if anyone cares.   Personally, I wanted more cock shots, or a video.  Hopefully aroused, maybe even a j/o.

That's where the problem began.  There are a dozen actors named Matt Lloyd (to be precise, our Matt is #14).  And at least a dozen movies, tv shows, podcasts, and record albums called Here & Now appeared between 2015 and 2025.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Alex Polcyn: The "Wonderman" Golden Boy plays a dozen gay characters, mostly bottoms, shows us his stuff, but grins at his lady's bosom.

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Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Pontius has four dicks, and Kelvin is scared. With Hamlet, some German guys, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

 

Title: "He Goeth Before You Into Galilee."  Matthew 28.7 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary see that the tomb of Jesus is empty.  An angel tells them to tell the disciples that he has risen from the dead, and "he goeth before you ointo Galilee."  

Left: Since the Nanny is German, I'm including a few German guys, this one from Ingolstadt.

Welcome to Galilee Gulch.  Baby Billy water-skiing naked, extensive shots of his dong and butt that made some viewers mad.  "Why we got to see that?  Why can't we see Amber's stuff? Every man on Earth, without exception, loves looking at breasts!"  Um...you've heard about gay men, right?  

Then the Gemstones and Milsaps arrive at Galilee Gulch, a huge "lake house" on Lake Marion, about an hour north of Charleston.  Coincidentally, the house where they filmed is owned by a gay couple. 

Pontius complains;  Gideon tells him to not disrespect the lake house, and makes him carry a bag.  He says "Get a life, you dork!"  Abraham agrees: "Such a little ass-kiss."  Abraham has only two lines this season, both about butts.  Got something on your mind, Buddy?

Some cute attendants, who aren't in the cast list, take care of the wheelchair-using BJ, who complains that the whole place is inaccessible.  He'll be constantly complaining about everything through the episode.

Keefe wants to go waterskiing naked, like Uncle Baby Billy, but Kelvin doesn't want to hang dong with his uncle.  Then he forces Keefe to carry the gigantic trunk full of shoes into the house.  That's no way to treat your partner, buddy.  At least he calls Keefe "Sweetheart."

Baby Billy's Breakup Plan: Uncle Baby Billy disapproves of the Eli-Lori relationship -- we aren't told why, but maybe he knows something from Lori's past -- and pushes the siblings into a plan to break them up. The siblings point out that they arranged this weekend retreat because the lake house is full of Aimee-Leigh's things, and will certainly cause Eli to feel guilty about "abandoning Mama."   Maybe they can push things along.

They tell the staff to leave Aimee-Leigh's clothes in Eli's bedroom.  Angry, he calls "the help" and has them all moved into Kelvin and Keefe's room.  

Kelvin is pretending to read the complete works of William Shakespeare.  Another clue that we're in the middle of Hamlet.

The New Nanny: Baby Billy is being nasty to his wife and children ("Get them out of here!"), and expresses his hatred for the butch Germanic nanny, Sola (Kirsten Schultze).  So why not fire her?

Gideon is Gay:  Friday dinner. Kelvin, Keefe, Abraham, and BJ are playing blackjack, the others sitting around a kitchen island.  Jesse gets jealous because Gideon is sitting next to Eli, and they shared a joke. 

 Jesse is treating Gideon as a romantic partner who is cheating on him.  That is not really happening, of course, but it is heavily implied that Gideon is gay, for the first time since Season 1.  There are queer codes about Pontius and Abraham, too.  It's starting to look like Jesse has three gay sons.

Corey apologizes for his reaction to Eli/Lori, and brings in 100 pounds of barbecued pork. 

Jesse's Breakup Plan: After dinner, Keefe goes swimming (distant beefcake shot), and the others hang out or play cornhole.  Corey thinks that Eli is good for his Mama, better than Big Dick Mitch at the Benz dealership, who she used to date, or is still dating -- he's not sure.  

Left: Muscle guy from Munich.

Jesse can use this!  He rushes over to Eli and Lori and brings up Big Dick Mitch in "casual conversation."  Eli gets upset and storms away.

Later, in the bedroom, Lori claims that she doesn't know where Jesse got that idea.  She only dated Mitch twice; they had no chemistry.  Then how does Corey know about the size of his dick?  They discuss whether to keep it casual, allow dating other people, or "go steady."  Go steady it is. 

Dress-Me-Ups: The staff has moved Aimee-Leigh's clothes into Kelvin and Keefe's bedroom!  Kelvin shoves them into a closet, and then joins Keefe to cuddle on the bed.  

Dig the matching pajamas, except Kelvin's have legs, and Keefe's end above the knee, so you can get to his crotch more easily.

Keefe is reading an obscure comic book called The Zero Patrol, from 1984. Only two issues were published.  The hero is telling someone named Dedalus that "The Princess is still mine."  Daedalus was Keefe's Satanist friend in Season 1; maybe we're looking at Keefe's attempt to protect Kelvin from the Darkness.  Or maybe the prop master just grabbed something that had a muscleman on the cover and wasn't Marvel or DC.

He sets the comic aside so they can watch Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the scene where psycho-killer Jason is shown worshipping the mummified head of his dead mother.  A parallel to the siblings' worship of Aimee-Leigh.  Kelvin gets scared and buries his head into Keefe's crotch (dude, are you scared or horny?), but Keefe assures him that "she's just doing dress-me-ups." .

Like a Hallmark Movie:  Saturday morning.  The Nanny practices her kung-fu. Baby Billy berates her again.

Cut to a montage of everyone water-skiing, while BJ looks on, angry.

Later, the siblings discuss Lori and Eli again.  Amber thinks it's like a Hallmark movie: two old friends fall in love.  Jesse berates her and insults her knowledge of movies.  

So far Jesse, Judy, Baby Billy, and Corey have berated and yelled at their partners.  These relationships are doomed.

Kelvin's Breakup Plan:  The family gathers for a performance.  Keefe is waving at the stage with a toy dinosaur, a shot which appeared in the trailer, making fans think that he and Kelvin had kids.  No, he's waving at Kelvin.  Why is a 40-year old man holding a toy dinosaur?

In a parallel to the play "wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king" in Hamlet, the siblings sing -- badly --about how Mama is in the house, judging everyone, disapproving of the "betrayal." Eli storms off. Feeling guilty, Claudius?

More after the break