Tony Cavalero (yes, I still follow his Instagram) announced that Operation Taco Gary's, which he completed in 2023, has finally found a broadcast home, on Amazon Prime. I've been waiting for this for awhile, so here goes:
Scene 1: As the radio announces the death of actor Jason Biggs (best known for the American Pie franchise), a guy runs through the woods in his underwear, holding a book or a box. He yells "F*k you, Biggs!"
Flashback to the child Bulge Guy and his buddy or brother trying to destroy their neighborhood. As an old fat guy sunbathes in s Speedo, child Bulge Guy accidentally pushes his buddy into a wall, knocking him out. He runs away, past a sign saying "Moving sale. Please buy my stuff."
Scene 2: In a run-down house, a guy is lying on the bed, despondent, while his roommate or boyfriend, Luke (Dustin Milligan), sells off their stuff. They're moving to Ottawa. Wait -- the moving sale is in the present. What about the kids? They weren't Bulge Guy and his buddy?
It's Bulge Guy, Luke's long-lost brother! He's a conspiracy theorist who lives off the grid, and he brought the painting because the Catholic Church is supressing evidence of Bigfoot.
They discuss Luke's move to Canada. "You got a girlfriend up there?"
"No. I wish." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 7. "I'm a new paleontology researcher. I start on Monday."
Bulge Guy guilts his way into an invitation to come along. Who was the roommate despondent over Luke leaving? Maybe a random person trying out the bed? A little confusing, director!.
Scene 3: Driving to Canada on narrow country roads through the woods. On the radio: "Jason Biggs' death has been ruled a homicide" Bulge Guy looks suspicious.
Left: Research reveals that Bulge Guy is played by Simon Rex, unrecognizeable from his early days in gay-ish porn.
They stop at Taco Gary's for lunch. Bulge Guy claims that his days of scamming the Portuguese mafia out of Taiwanese ketamine are over. He just wants to be a good brother.
Cut to the police breaking into Luke's empty house. They find a Taco Gary's wrapper and conclude that Luke is now helping Bulge Guy.
Scene 4: An ugly guy with a physique that's um...well, I'm sure he has a nice cock. He awakens, brushes his teeth, and heads to the dentist office to protest the practice of putting microchips in our teeth.
Getting gas nearby, Luke and Bulge Guy see him. So he's going to join the team?
Uh-oh, Bulge Guy sees a car, rushes over, and accosts the old lady driving with a hunting knife. He shows her a taco, and refers to the "TG Truce of '21." She doesn't know what he's talking about. "Sorry, I mistook you for a member of the Coalition."
While he's gone, Luke checks his backpack and finds that Bulge Guy is not taking is meds.
Scene 5: They zoom off. Hey, what about the ugly guy with the sign? You spent so much time showing him getting dressed, I thought he would be a major character.
Luke confronts Bulge Guy for not taking his meds, destroying his cell phone, and attacking the old lady. He can't accommodate his brother's craziness anymore, and orders him out of the car. But Bulge Guy gives him an injection that knocks him out, and drags him into the woods.
Scene 6: He awakens at night, by a campfire, remembers what happened, and tries to run away, but Bulge Guy injects him again. And a third time. Just tie him up, dude.
Bulge Guy explains: he needs Luke's identity to sneak into Canada. He's already stolen Luke's passport, wallet, and car keys, so he can't say no. "You'll get them back when we cross the border, and you'll still be in Ottawa in time for your new job." How are both of them going to get into Canada with the same passport?
He gives Luke a high-tech, alien-made homing device to use instead of a government-hacked cell phone.
"This is a Rubik's Cube painted black."
Uh-oh, the cops have found their car! Bulge Guy yells "We are armed and extremely dangerous!" They approach with guns pulled. Run!
They run. Luke and the two cops all hurt their ankles on the same log (not funny, painful to watch).
They stumble across a white-haired guy camping, and by taking off his pants, Bulge Guy convinces him to give them a ride. So he liked your bulge?
"By the way, I've kidnapped my brother, and I'm forcing him to help me against his will."
"No problem," White-Haired Guy says, no doubt thinking that they both must have big cocks.
Scene 7: They stop at a gym and ride the mechanical bull while waiting for a badger (someone who helps you illegally cross the border). She descends the stairs in slow motion while Luke gapes in Girl of My Dreams squishiness. I was wondering when he would meet The Girl.
She actually works at the gym, at the smoothie bar. While they are talking, Bulge Guy tells Luke, "I know that look. You're sexually attracted to her, aren't you?" Hey, that will ruin his chances with The Girl.
Turns out that she's not really a badger. But she has nothing else to do today, and Bulge Guy always has "crazy, fun" ideas, so why not?
More after the break
