"The Naked Brothers Band," the most heterosexist teencom on Nickelodeon. Plus the grown-up brothers' cocks, butts, and gay-vague characters.

Around 2008, I researched queer codes on children's tv for what turned out to be three scholarly articles.  I gave high scores to Drake and Josh,  Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide,  The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, The Wizards of Waverly Place, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.  Phil of the Future, Ed Edd and Eddy, and Zoey 101 got low scores, and the lowest: The Naked Brothers Band.

It was a mockumentary about the misadventures of a fictional band led by preteen brothers, Alex and Nat Wolff.  They never explained the embarrassingly salacious name, but I assume that it meant that you would be seeing their real life, uncurated and unmediated. 

Of course, it was curated and mediated.  Alex and Nat did have a band, and some of their real-life bandmates (like Dan Levi, left) were in the cast, but most of the characters and situations were purely fictional.  They were not at all famous.  Yet.   

In 2004, actress Polly Draper had the idea of making a mockumentary about her sons' band, sort a preteen Spinal Tap or A Hard Day's Night.  She got her wealthy (or wealthier) brother to finance The Naked Brothers Band, filmed it in mid-town Manhattan, and entered it the 2005 Hamptons International Film Festival.  Nickelodeon bought it, and suggested a teencom spin-off, competition to the upstart Myley Cyrus in Hannah Montana. 

 Nat Wolff was only twelve years old, and Alex was nine,  a little young to handle a teencom by themselves, so Polly added adults to the cast to pull some of the weight.  Mostly her relatives: husband Michael Wolff as the boys' widowed dad; niece Jesse as their babysitter; brother Tim as the school principal. Plus a steady stream of celebrity friends, including Ryan Seacrest, Tony Hawk, and Whoopi Goldberg, popped by to play themselves.

The result was three seasons of intense nepotism and aggressive "girls! girls! girls!' hetero-horniness (2007-09).

I only watched one episode for my research project (there were over 30 programs in my dataset), so to be fair, I just watched another:  "Three is Enough" (February 8, 2008)

In the teaser, Alex wants to practice putting his arm around his "true love" in the movies.  Nat is skeptical -- he has a new "true love" every week.  But he agrees to play the girl.  Then Alex plays the girl so Nat can practice.  The gender-play is a queer code, but it's drowned out by the endless discussion of how many girls they like.

Next: they have writen a new song, "Three is Enough."  Babysitter Jesse agrees: three is the perfect amount of everything, from donuts to boys. For instance, she can't choose between the three "adorable Timmerman Brothers" (played by Polly's excessively rich nephews).  She implies that she is dating all of them, and perhaps not one at a time. Maybe they are involved in a queer four-way romance.

Then the Handsome Foreigner next door (Michael W. Barry)  asks her to the big horror movie.  The Timmermans get jealous and decide to spy on them.

At the studio, famous cartoonist Jules Feiffer, playing himself, is drawing cartoons to project over the band's new song.  Alex asks to be portrayed as cooler and more teenager-ish, and for the girl he is in love with to look more like his real-life true love.  

The main plot: their manager, 12-year old Cooper (Cooper Pillot) accidentally asks a girl for a date.  The band suggests various ways to get out of it, but he doesn't want to get out of it. He just wants Nat to come along for moral support.  But Nat needs a date, and he can't ask his on-off girlfriend Rosalie while they're "on a break."  Can he?  This section can't be easily queered; it's boys and girls all the way down.

Verdict: A few gender-bending moments , but no gay subtexts.

I couldn't even find any gay actors in the cast, except for Andre Keenan-Bolger, who played the snippy director Christophe in four episodes.

After the break: Have the Naked Brothers continued their heteronormative erasure as adults?  Have they gotten naked?

Rooster, Episode 1.8: Are Rooster and Tommy boyfriends or father-son? Is Eli having a gay romance with a girl? With Jonah's butt and Noah's dick

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"Sunny Nights": Will Forte sells tanning spray. With a lesbian sister, some gay gangsters, a lot of Aussie butts, and Vincent Rodriguez III in his underwear

I'm running low on tv series to review, so I went to Hulu and clicked on the first fictional series that popped up: Sunny Nights.  Wait -- how can nights be sunny?  We'll find out.

Scene 1: Dawn in a horrible industrial area in Australia (I know because the logo says Screen Australia). A woman watering her lawn, two joggers.  An crocodile crosses a golf course and suddenly gets exploded into a bloody mess. 

Cut to a shirtless man (Will Forte) being rubbed by a woman wearing gloves, and telling the gathered men in suits that he works out; he just likes to rest between sets (no more than one minute, buddy).  His product can be used by anyone, anywhere, regardless of age, gender, or natural beauty: tanning goop!

One of the potential investors is about to make an offer, when the hotel manager rushes up: he's using a hotel for his demonstration without getting permission, and he and his assistant Vickie are not guests. 

They are forced out, and the potential investors reject them. 

Hey, they're not romantic partners, they're siblings.  That means the brother could be gay.  Plus sister Vickie is played by D'Arcy Carden, the bisexual actor from The Good Place.

Scene 2: Brother actually booked them into a horribly run-down, pink-brick hotel with outside doors: Sunny Nights.  As they squeak in, a ruffian knocks on a door above them.  No one answer, so he bursts in and beats on the male occupant.  

Now it's a house, not a hotel room, with a woman saying "Hello, Gorgeous" to a tanning booth.  Or are you the sister?  Why is your hotel room a huge apartment with many personalized decorations?

Back to the hotel room.  I'm getting whiplash from these split-second cuts.  The occupant (maybe Harry Greenwood of Charmed) recognizes the Ruffian from a sport: he had to drop out because he got his head injured.  Ths does not ingratiate the ruffian, who knocks him out -- but at least gives him a pillow

The Ruffian is played by Willie Mason, a former  soccer player for the Sydney Roosters with a long list of troubles, including assaulting another player, failed businesses, drunk driving, and urinating in public, though he didn't mind the widely-publicized crotch grab by a rival player.   This is his first acting role.

Down in the siblings' room, they discuss their back story. The brother's girlfriend or wife broke up with him, so he's come to Australia in a grand scheme to win her back.  Grrr...hetero identity established at Minute 6.  He calls and tells her that he happens to be in the country on business, so could they get together?

Scene 3: Meanwhile, the sister Vickie goes to the beauty convention, and tells her entire life story to the clerk.  It includes a "gorgeous but mean hula-hooper," so maybe she's a lesbian.  She doesn't like her booth -- too small, and right by the bathroom. So she spends all of their money for a bigger one.

Cut to dinner with the Brother and his ex.  She is suspicious: "So you quit your job, started a tanning company, and came to Australia to sell it -- as a purely business decision? Not to try to win me back?"

"Well, it may have crossed my mind as a side benefit of becoming wildly successful."  She explains why she left him (doesn't he already know?): the usual vague reason wives give when they are broken up just so they can get back together again.  

Scene 4: At the bar at the Beauty Convention, Brother wails that the attempt to win her back didn't work. That was your grant scheme?  Just dinner?  

Sister Vickie tells him to man up and start networking.   She acquires an A$750 bottle of wine and heads off to pretend that they're successful.  Susi, a tarted up woman at the bar, is impressed, and starts flirting with Brother.  She guesses right off that he's in tanning, because she goes to a lot of beauty conventions (then why is your makeup so hideous?).  

Brother gives his back story again (omitting the grand scheme to win back the ex)  Susi invites him to the wine bar down the street, but he refuses: big presentation tomorrow.  This devastates her: "Oh, God, I came on too strong!  I always do this!"  So Brother agrees.  Sneaky move, lady!  

Meanwhile, Sister Vickie is sharing her expensive bottle of wine with a tableful of attractive ladies.  You trying to get customers or get laid?

Scene 5: The wine bar interspliced with energetic bedroom activity, and the next morning, waking up in her fancy hotel room.  During pillow talk, he gets a text from the ex: she wants to try that reconciliation thing, tonight.  Uh-oh, torn between two girlfriends!

At breakfast, Susi admits that she filmed their sexual encounter, so now Brother has to do what "he" says: the sleazy-looking Kash (Miritana Hughes), who wants A$10,000, or the video goes on the internet.  But the activity is legal.  Brother wasn't cheating.  Why should he care?  

He cares because if his ex-wife sees the video, she won't want to get back together.  Why not?  Did she expect him to not see anyone else for the rest of his life?

After they leave, Sister Vickie comes in to announce that she found a model for the presentation.  She wants to show him the nude photos she took.  Wrong time, girl.

Scene 6: Family Fun Time, a deserted amusement park. Sleazy Kash is holding down a new guy while his goons play miniature golf at his mouth.  They miss, so Kash pulls out a tooth. The Ruffian appears and announces that he couldn't get the money from the Hotel Room Guy earlier, so he punched him and gave him two extra days.  Kash doesn't like this, and hits him in the head. He blacks out.

Left: Aaron Glenane, who plays goon Blondy.

Scene 7: Brother and Sister Vickie in a bar.  The Model, wearing a bikini, approaches to show Vickie her stuff.  Brother is not impressed: she already has a tan, so how can they demonstrate a tanning product on her?   Nope, she's hot, and Vickie wants her...um...as an employee.  "She can model a darker shade."

Meanwhile, the Ruffian is examined by a mob physician.  Headaches, vision problems, mood swings, erectile dysfunction...before he can diagnose, Ruffian says "Just give me my pills."  

More after the break

"Best Foot Forward": Boy negotiates middle school with a prosthetic leg, a hung dad, a bodybuilder brother, a gay buddy, and no annoying girl-craziness

 

We just dumped Peacock in favor of Apple Plus, so now we can watch Best Foot Forward (2022), based on childhood experiences of  "Paralympian, comedian, author, disability advocate, and Halloween enthusiast" Joshua Sundquist.  

Focus character Josh has been home schooled since he lost his left leg at age nine, but he finally convinces his parents to allow him to start seventh grade in public school.  He faces the standard junior high problems of friends, math tests, soccer practice, movie night, and school dances.

Josh is played by Logan Marmino, fifteen years old in 2025 and thinking about college.  Maybe Johns Hopkins?

He's an accomplished athlete, competing in Paralympics track and high school basketball and baseball.  Plus surfing and skateboarding. 

When showrunner Joshua Sundquist invited him to audition for Best Foot Forward, he had no acting experience, not even a school play.  And he doesn't really seem interested in an acting career -- he hasn't appeared in anything since. Sports and disability activism keep him busy.

While Josh is experiencing the joys and hassles of junior high, Dad and Mom (Stephen Schneider, left, Joy Suprano) have B plots of their own, like when they tried to order two pizzas, and accidentally ordered twenty. "Sometimes older people can't see the order screen very well," the delivery guy explains, to Mom's consternation.

Stephen Schneider may be best known for a five-minute long n*de fight scene in The Righteous Gemstones, but he has 37 acting credits on the IMDB, including three tv series reviewed here: You're the Worst, Broad City. and Nobody Wants This.

Josh's younger brother Matt (Roger Dale Floyd) mostly tries to help, or feels left out when Josh gets all of the attention.

Roger Dale Floyd, 13 years old in 2025, has appeared in The Walking Dead, Doctor Sleep, Greenland, and Stranger Things.  He is a junior bodybuilder, interested in promoting fitness among teens and tweens. 

In Greenland (2020), Roger and his Mom and Dad (Gerard Butler, left) must flee cross-country to safety after a comet-Apocalypse.  Whoops, they forgot to bring his insulin. 

Josh makes two friends, Kyle (Peyton Jackson, left) and Gabriella (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss).

More after the break.  Yes, I'm getting to the review.

Recker Eans: The gaydar boy on "Beyond Waverly Place" drums in gay-friendly videos, but is he gay or an ally? With bandmate dicks

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Jett Klyne: The future bisexual superhero spends his teen years bodybuilding and dating guys. With two twink dicks and an Ecuadorian bulge

 

In Wandavision (2021), the Scarlet Witch, memory-wiped and trapped in a sitcom world, has two sons, Billy and Tommy (Justin Hilliard, Jeff Klyne).  In Agatha All Along (2024), after being adopted by a Jewish family and losing and regaining his memory, Billy Maximoff becomes the gay Jewish superhero Wiccan.  So of course I had to do a profile of Justin.

But what about Tommy Maximoff (Jett Klyne)?  He grows up to become the superhero Speed, who is bisexual in the comics: he dated Kate Bishop in Young Avengers: The Children's Crusade (2010-12), and the male superhero Prodigy in Emperor Hulkling (2020).  He explains "I crushed on who I crushed on."   

Maybe I'd better do a profile of Jett, too.

Jett arguably has a more gay/femme affect.  Guess which is Tommy.

And he has spent his teen years working out.  

I'll answer the standard two questions: has Jett appeared in any movies or tv shows of gay interest?; and is he gay in real life?

Gay-Themed Movies/TV Shows:

 In 2014, when Jett was seven years old, he was in Writing Kim: Aspiring writer Annie (Jett's Mom) heads off on a road trip seeking inspiration, and meets Kim, who has a husband and son (Jett) but also likes ladies. Kim inspires her to embrace her sexual fluidity (you mean she's bi?)  In 2020, it was selected for qFlix, the Philadelphia LGBTQ film festival.  

According to his IMDB biography, Jett's break-out role was in Z (2019).  So a one-word title was too long?  Joshua (Jett) has an "imaginary" friend, Z, who gets more and more disruptive, sabotaging his relationship with his real life friend Daniel and trying to kill his father.  Finally we learn that Z is using Joshua to get to his mother. 

I haven't seen it, but the gay subtexts sort of jump out at you, don't they?

Left: Since Jett is 16 as of this writing, I won't be looking for nude photos, so here's a random twink.

He has a lot of pre-Wandavision guest appearances, mostly in movies that I never heard of: Devil in the Dark, Manny Dearest, The Humanity Bureau, Skyscraper.  Plus three significant post-Wanda movies:

The Boy in the Woods (2023). During World War II, as the Jewish population of Buczarc is being rounded up for the concentration camps, Max (Jett) is sent to live with Janko (Richard Armitage), a synpathetic non-Jewish farmer.  But Janko fears for his family's safety, so he kicks the boy out.  While hiding in the woods, Max forms a buddy-bond with the sensitive, artistic, gay-coded Yanek (David Kohlsmith, right); they discuss their future, living together as artists in Paris, and try to adopt the baby of a dead woman. 

Yanek dies, but the baby grows up, and Max re-unites with her in old age, so symbolically the two had a family.  A definite gay subtext or text.

More after the break

Gerran Howell: The hot doc from "The Pitt" plays a vampire, troubled teens, and Ozma's boyfriend, speaks Welsh, drops his trousers.

If you've been watching The Pitt on MAX, about emergency room staff and patients, you've certainly noticed Dennis Whitaker.  The fourth-year medical student moved to Pittsburgh from a farm in Broken Bow, Nebraska, which causes a lot of derision from the big city doctors, and got a degree in theology before going to med school. Don't you need a lot of courses in biology and chemistry?   He gets squelchy scenes where he is splashed with the body fluids squirting out of patients, but also heart-tugging scenes where he establishes an emotional connection with a dying patient.

So far Dennis hasn't expressed a romantic interest in anyone, although fans on the Pitt Reddit eagerly pair him with Nurse Kim, because she offered to find him new scrubs after a patient urinated on him, or the wife of a dying burn victim whom he comforts.

Plus when Dr. Robby (Noah Wyle) is treating the victims of a mass shooting, he flashes back to treating COVID victims and the death of his beloved mentor and has a panic attack.  Dennis helps him out, and the two hold hands.  About 1,700 fan stories on Archive of Our Own move the relationship forward into romance (and explicit sexual activity).

Left: Artistic interpretation of Noah Wyle. 

That's enough to warrant researching the actor, Gerran Howell.

Well, being 5'7" and exceptionally cute helps.

Turns out that Gerran is not Nebraskan, he's Welsh, born in Barry a resort town near Cardiff, in 1991.  He's bilingual in the Welsh language, and got to speak it as a fan service during Season 2 of The Pitt.

Nice bulge, mate.

After attending Barry Comprehensive School, Gerran studied at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts.  His first on-screen roles came in 2006, in a PSA about the dangers of swimming in the Welsh Reservoir and the short Mummy's Boy, about a boy traumatized by his brother's death. 

Next he starred in Young Dracula (2006-2013), as the teenage Vlad, The Chosen One (of course) who moves from Transylvania to Wales with his family.  According to the episode synopses, he may have gotten a few gay-subtext buddy-bonds along with the usual assortment of girlfriends.  

The role brought Gerran a lot of fame in Britain: talk-show interviews, cooking on Blue Peter, a tutorial on how to spot a vampire.

In The Spartacle Mysteries (2011-15), everyone over age 15 is zapped into a parallel dimension.  It's up to the kids to survive -- and bring them home. So, was it a one-time deal, or does everyone who turns 16 zap over?  Gerran plays Ernesto, the leader of a rebel gang who doesn't want the adults back: the world is better and safer without them.  He gets a girlfriend.

Emerald City, the dreary, depressing take on the Wizard of Oz mythos (2016-17), stars .Oliver Jackson-Cohen (left) as Dorothy Gale's boyfriend.  Gerran plays Jack (based on Jack Pumpkinhead), who helps Tip escape from the witch Mombi, and falls in love with her after she turns into a girl. But she's not into him.  Being into trans women makes him a LGBT ally.

Gerran has many more acting roles, everything from Doctor Who to Xenoblade Chronicles.  Many have gay interest:

More after the break

The Chair Company, Episode 1.6: More queer codes at Seth's 18th birthday party. Plus Seth's selfie, a queer puppeteer, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Brock cock

The Chair Company (2025), on MAX, stars Tim Robinson as corporate schlub Ron, whose chair collapses during an important presentation.  Looking for the company that sold the defective piece of office furniture, he finds an empty warehouse, a website with an invented board of directors, and...it gets weirder and werider, with conspiracies, hidden agendas, and threats. Or is it all a paranoid delusion?

He hires Mike (Joseph Tudisco) to help with the intel gathering.  Eventually they become close, and Mike refuses payment: "We're family."  

His young adult daughter and her girlfriend have substantial roles, and his teenage son Seth (Will Price) displays some queer codes.  Especially in Episode 1.6, "Happy Birthday: A Friend"

Scene 1: The boss (Lou Diamond Philips, top photo) is weekending in Sedona, Arizona with his buds.  He claims that his property management company is important, but they dismiss it as "making pretty boxes."  The real life, the only thing that's important, is spending time with your friends.  No women around; are these guys all gay?

Scene 2: The photos of the fake Board of Directors on the chair company website were taken by someone named Maggie S. during an acting exercise.  Ron goes to the acting studio  and asks around.  No one remembers the exercise, and they all claim not to know a Maggie S. -- except for Headphone Guy (Brendan Jennings, left), who runs off in a panic.  Ron catches up and starts punching and hitting him, yelling, "Who is Maggie S.?"  Then he realizes that everyone is watching him assault a guy, and runs away.

Scene 3: During the chair collapse, Ron accidentally saw up his coworker's dress.  Human Resources got upset, and brought in a consultant to watch their interactions and make sure he isn't stalking or harassing her.  The Consultant is not sure.

Scene 4: The Boss brought back some photos of vibrant colors and textures from Sedona.  He wants them to redo the design of the big Shopping Mall project, to make it "inspiring" and "cool." But he doesn't give them any detailed instructions, so the design team is confused.  This is not connected to the central mystery.  This show has a lot of bit pieces that are weird for their own sake.

Later, they show the Boss their plans for "bold, earthy colors," with textures like sandstone or "a harsher contrast with nickel plating."  He doesn't like it; "dig deeper." 

Scene 5: Ron walks into the house late at night and sees a long-haired chubby guy getting himself a bowl of popcorn.  He says "Hi, Honey" and "Seth, your Dad's home!" before returning to the basement.

Mom explains that he's Richard (Tyler Bunch), working on a project with Seth. 

Tyler Bunch is a member of the Jim Henson Company, appearing as a muppet on 103 episodes of Sesame Street (1998-2024).  He also voiced several characters on 400 episodes of Pokemon (2012-22), and he sings Gilbert and Sullivan.  He is gay in real life.

Ron is not happy with his not-quite-18 year old son being friends with a guy 40 years older, plus it's late: he needs to be in bed so he can play basketball tomorrow.  Seth refuses: "Nope, this is important."

In other news, Son Seth invited Toby to his birthday party.  "He's really excited to come," They haven't seen each other for years because they go to different schools, but when he was thirteen, they performed the Pee-Wee Herman Dance, and Ron joined in: one of the happiest memories Seth has of his dysfunctional Dad. 

Dad Ron doesn't think Son Seth and Toby should be friends.  This upsets Seth.  No wonder: that's two friends you disapproved of in five minutes. Sounds like you're threatened by the thought of your son having someone special in his life.  

Scene 6: Later, in his room, Son Seth drinks while looking at a photo of his junior-high basketball team, with Dad Ron hugging him.  So Dad should be threatened?  "Hi, Honey" Richard is a Dad substitute?

Left: Potential Will selfie.  Don't worry, the actor is 25.

Later, Ron meets with "We're family" Mike.  They discuss some more clues about the bogus chair company.  In other news, would Seth like a decommissioned police car for his birthday?

"You're not invited to his party.  It's just for his friends and their parents."

"But I'd really like to come.  We're family, remember."

"No!" Why don't you want him there, buddy?  Afraid that you might let down your defenses and actually care about someone?

Scene 7: More weird stuff at work, and then the Boss wants to discuss changing the Mall plans -- tomorrow.

"But it's my son's birthday party."

"Great, I'll be there!"

Later, Ron looks at the photos he took of the guy he assaulted at the acting class.  A strange tattoo leads him to the chair company's parent website...but at that moment, someone calls to threaten him: "I'm thinking of finally doing something to you."

Gulp.  More after the break.

Pablo the Penguin's penis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and some cock shots

 

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a butt shot on Insecure.

 But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his penis. 

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Jake is second from the left.  Notice David Henrie of Wizards of Waverly Place on the right.

.   

His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets naked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.