"The Prince": The actor claims that his flashy-femme prince is "just sensitive." See for yourself. With gay-subtext homies and Turkish d*cks

 

The Prince is unfortunately the title of about a dozen tv shows and movies, but the Turkish one (2023-25) stars Giray Altinok as the Prince of Bogonia, a fictional micro-kingdom somewhere in the Balkans during the Middle Ages.  The Prince (no other name because his father hates him) is so flashy-femme, and exhibits such a strong interest in men, that viewers began buzzing.  Altinok went on social media to clear up the "misunderstanding": The Prince isn't gay, he's just sensitive.  Funny, that's what my parents used to say about me.

Of course Altinok would claim that his character is straight: Turkey is the most homophobic country in Europe. It gets 4% on the Rainbow Map of LGBT legal status, while Russia gets 8%, and Poland 15%.  Let's take a look at Episode 1, and see how "not gay" the Prince is.

Scene 1: Establishing shot of Bogonia. Several n*de women, one chained up, snooze with semi-n*de guys (one butt shot).  Can you show naked ladies on Turkish tv?   

A chained up man who has been cuddling with a man and a woman both awakens to a rap on the door, and yells at the Slave Köle (Canberk Gültekin, top photo and left).  Surprise -- he's the Prince!  Identified as bi in the first scene. Maybe Altinok meant "not gay, bi/pan."

 The King has summoned him.  "So what?"   "So what?" He returns to his orgy.

Scene 2: As everyone waits impatiently, the Prince bursts in.  He touches the cheek of one of the courtiers: "Come here, my black lamb."  He lectures against Turkish masculinity: to compete in the modern world, we need to be hugging and touching.  

The problem: The Hungarian army is at the border, and Bogonia doesn't have a big enough army to defeat them.  

"So, get help from our neighbors, like Bosnia?" "No, they all hate us."

Uncle Kalish (Serdar Orçin) suggests just surrendering and paying the tribute.  "No, we'd lose our proud history." "But this country is only twenty years old!"  This enrages the Prince's Older Brother Tenyo (Çagdas Onur Öztürk, left),  who threatens to kill Uncle Kalish for treason.

King to Older Brother: "I'm lucky to have you as a son.  Without you, my name would die with me."  So the Prince isn't going to have any kids.  Maybe he is gay, not bi. 

They decide to fight the Hungarians.  Older Brother gets the horses ready for their 50 soldiers.

Scene 3: The King meets with the Prince in private: "Everyone has some regrets in life.  Mine is you.  I can't find the words to describe my hatred of you." You're just homophobic, Dad.

The King orders Slave Kole to bring his Very Important Sword  to the Blacksmith to get the handle fixed. "The Blacksmith is my oldest and dearest friend, and only he can fix my sword."  The Prince asks him to also fetch the "big ruby necklace" that the jeweler has for him.  Dude is into drag.

Whoops, the King decides to humiliate the Prince by making him take the sword in instead of the slave.

Scene 4: Older Brother Tenyo's Wife has just taken a home pregnancy test (the Medieval version).  Still not pregnant! He is not upset: "Don't obsess over it, it will happen in due time."  But the Queen has been putting pressure on her; she sent a gigantic crib, hint, hint.   Older Brother suggests trying again now.

Scene 5: The Prince and Slave Kole in the market.  He stops to look at some fabric.  Dude is gay.  A commoner complains that the people are starving while the royals live in luxury, "especially that Prince."  "Which one?" "The ugly one."  

Upset, the prince orders him executed.  Slave Kole suggest  they could give him a chance to apologize.  Nope, he's hanged.

Next stop: the Blacksmith, the only person who can fix the King's Very Important Sword.  Except he's the guy they just executed!

Scene 6: The Prince's Sister is practicing swordsmanship when her stepmother, the Queen, bursts in and throws her sword out the window.  "Act like a Princess!"  "No -- I don't want to be a princess!"

"Too bad -- I've arranged for you to marry the Duke of Saxony!"   

"What?  No!  This is the modern world.  I want to be more than just a wife!"

Ok, the main conflicts are established: Older Brother can't get his wife pregnant, Sister wants to be a liberated woman, and the Prince is gay.

Scene 6: The royal family eating together and glaring at each other. 

Uncle  Kalish: "We can't fight the Hungarians! We'll be massacred!"  I've been checking the Prince for queer codes, but look at Uncle Kalish: 35 effeminate rings, no wife.  Dude is gay.

King: "Princess, you are going to get married whether you want to or not." 

Sister: "No!"

Queen: "The Duke of Gaul has had a son.   wish I had a grandchild."

Older Brother's Wife: "You're Older Brother's stepmother, not his mother, so any kids we have will not be your grandchildren.  Besides, how do you know it's my fault?  Maybe Older Brother's not doing his job properly."

Older Brother: "Let's fight the Hungarians right now!" 

King: "Prince, how is my sword repair coming?  The Blacksmith is a very old, dear friend of mine." Uh-oh, the Prince had him executed. 

Scene 7:  Slave Kole fixes the Very Important Sword with glue.  It will take a day to harden, but the King is coming for it now! 

 The Prince asks Slave Kole to hide in the closet (har har), and presents it to the King, who is pleased: "This is the first tim ein your life that you've followed through on a task." Whoops, he puts it in the scabbard with the resin still wet -- he'll never get it out again! A painting of a naked man is in the foreground of every bedroom scene, and there's a fresco in the back that looks like a Roman woman.  Dude is gay or bi.

The King finds Slave Kole in the closet (har har), and becomes angry at the Prince for having s*x with a slave. He has no problem with his son dating men, but they should be upper class.

 Slave Kole starts to explain that he was just fixing the sword, but the Prince cuts him off: "Shut up, Love.  He's onto us.  It's fine."   The King stomps out.  

More after the break

"Cavendish": Brothers, one gay, face paranormal peril in a quirky PEI town. With Sandiford bulge and Canadian cocks

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"Best Foot Forward": Boy negotiates middle school with a prosthetic leg, a hung dad, a bodybuilder brother, a gay buddy, and no annoying girl-craziness

 

We just dumped Peacock in favor of Apple Plus, so now we can watch Best Foot Forward (2022), based on childhood experiences of  "Paralympian, comedian, author, disability advocate, and Halloween enthusiast" Joshua Sundquist.  

Focus character Josh has been home schooled since he lost his left leg at age nine, but he finally convinces his parents to allow him to start seventh grade in public school.  He faces the standard junior high problems of friends, math tests, soccer practice, movie night, and school dances.

Josh is played by Logan Marmino, fifteen years old in 2025 and thinking about college.  Maybe Johns Hopkins?

He's an accomplished athlete, competing in Paralympics track and high school basketball and baseball.  Plus surfing and skateboarding. 

When showrunner Joshua Sundquist invited him to audition for Best Foot Forward, he had no acting experience, not even a school play.  And he doesn't really seem interested in an acting career -- he hasn't appeared in anything since. Sports and disability activism keep him busy.

While Josh is experiencing the joys and hassles of junior high, Dad and Mom (Stephen Schneider, left, Joy Suprano) have B plots of their own, like when they tried to order two pizzas, and accidentally ordered twenty. "Sometimes older people can't see the order screen very well," the delivery guy explains, to Mom's consternation.

Stephen Schneider may be best known for a five-minute long n*de fight scene in The Righteous Gemstones, but he has 37 acting credits on the IMDB, including three tv series reviewed here: You're the Worst, Broad City. and Nobody Wants This.

Josh's younger brother Matt (Roger Dale Floyd) mostly tries to help, or feels left out when Josh gets all of the attention.

Roger Dale Floyd, 13 years old in 2025, has appeared in The Walking Dead, Doctor Sleep, Greenland, and Stranger Things.  He is a junior bodybuilder, interested in promoting fitness among teens and tweens. 

In Greenland (2020), Roger and his Mom and Dad (Gerard Butler, left) must flee cross-country to safety after a comet-Apocalypse.  Whoops, they forgot to bring his insulin. 

Josh makes two friends, Kyle (Peyton Jackson, left) and Gabriella (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss).

More after the break.  Yes, I'm getting to the review.

Raising Dion Episode 2.2: Gay kid with superpowers and his scoobies fight monsters, deal with a helicopter Mom

There are lots of movie and tv shows about teenagers discovering that they have superpowers, but not many about eigh-year olds. In Raising Dion, single mom Nicole must deal with her own problems and her son's superpowers, which draw the attention of the usual medical specialists, dark-government agencies, and monstrous supervillains.  Gavin Munn plays Dion's best bud.  To see if they have a gay-subtext relationship,  I reviewed Episode 2.2, about a new boy in school, figuring that this was the episode where Gavin first appears.

Prelude: Mom and Dion off a giant smokey monster in naked human form.  So far, so good.  The monster leaves, and a guy named Pat (Jason Ritter, left) is left (fully clothed).  He explains: "It took a whole day for my body to completely reform, and another to walk to the nearest town, where I decided to start a new life."

Scene 1: Zoom out: he's being interrogated, claiming that he did unspeakable things because the Crooked Man was controlling him.  And now it is controlling someone else!  Big Boss Suzanne doesn't believe him.

Scene 2: Guys in Hazmat suits investigating a giant crater.  There are footprints down there -- maybe the security guard. They call him to check, but he's at home with a disgusting pustulating growth on his neck.  They block off the crater so no school kids fall in.

At that moment, Mom and Dion (Ja'siah Young) drive past. Dion, now ten years old, is troubled, but Mom tells him that there is nothing to worry about.  He praises his superpower trainer, Tevin (Rome Flynn, top photo). Mom says "I'm glad you like him."  Next subject of conversation: the upcoming musical, which Esperanza is counting on him for.  Does Dion have a girlfriend?  TV writers are hesitant about portraying gay pre-teens or even teenagers, but they'll happily have toddlers expressing heterosexual desire.

Scene 3: At school, Dion is drawing in the abs on a muscular superhero.  Questioned by his friend Jonathan (Gavin Munn, already a regular), he claims that they are power stabilizers to help him go faster.  "Um...ok," Gavin says, rather obviously pretending not to know that Dion is gay.  I'd better take another peek at Dion's interest in his superpower trianer.

Their third friend Esperanza (Sammi Haney), who has a unique body type and uses a wheelchair, wants to know when they're going to investigate the mysterious crater. How about today after school?  Next, she has picked out the songs they're going to use for their auditions for the school musical.  BFF Jonathan says there's no need: he has his song picked out, and it's going to be awesome!

During class, the new kid Brayden (Griffin Robert Faulkner) keeps glaring at Dion. 

Scene 4: B Plot with Mom and her sister Kat discussing where their lives went wrong. 

Cut to school: after class, New Kid Brayden reads the minds of the kids around him, mostly criticizing him for being strange.  Dion and his buds friend-up to him: "I know how hard it is being the new kid."  They ask him to audition for the school musical.

Scene 5: Out in the hall, Crooked Man tells Brayden to "get him alone!", so he asks Dion for a tour of the school. BFF Jonathan wants to come, too, but Brayden mind controls him into agreeing that it should just be the two of them. 

They walk down a deserted hallway.  Dion asks Brayden why he moved to Atlanta.  "To find you."  I don't think he means "we were meant to be together."  

Crooked Man smokes out of Brayden and tries to grab Dion, but fails.

Scene 6:  After school.  Mom arrives to pick up Dion, but Esperanza stalls her, and at the crater, BFF Jonathan stalls the hazmat guy, so Dion can zap down and investigate. It's got glowing purple flowers with undulating stamens that reach out for him -- ulp, time to zap away! 

Scene 7:  At the Bio Institute, while Dion is changing into his superhero-workout clothes, his trainer Tevin asks Mom out.  I'll skip the Mom and Patrick plots.  Actually, they take a while.  I guess child stars can't work a lot of hours.

Scene 8: Brayden at home -- he lives by himself -- eating pizza.  He criticizes the Crooked Man smoke-monster for trying to attack Dion, when he wasn't strong enough.  "Well, he was just so close, and I couldn't help it."   Crooked Man is not quite as scary when he whines to a little kid.  

Next criticism: "Why are you using the weird flowers to build an army? Why can't you kill Dion all by  yourself, you wimp?"  Crooked Man doesn't answer; he just complements Brayden: "You're making me stronger.  Soon I will be ready." 

Next: when the job is done, will Crooked Man abandon Brayden?  "No, I'll keep you with me."  Ten to one he's lying.

Scene 8:  Dion in his room, reading comic books.  Why is there a map of Scandinavia on his wall?   Suddenly Brayden appears!  He explains: "I'm not actually in your room, I'm in your head.  I have powers, too."  While Dion stares, he says "I think we're going to be best friends."  Uh-oh, that sounds sinister.  The end.

The Dion plot is a little thin, so lI'll add a scene from the next episode:

The Musical Auditions:   Dion's main friends and Brayden compete for Dion's attention.  Brayden uses his superpowers to zap the two of them into a field (a boring field?  How about Disney World?). But Dion still chooses his main friends.  Brayden roils with jealousy.

The femme diector, Mr. Kwame (J. Harrison Ghee, who won a Tony for his role in Some Like It Hot ), uses the opening of Fame: "you got big dreams?  You want fame?  Well, fame costs, and here's where you start paying -- in sweat!" This is a fourth grade musical review, not Broadway!  

Ulp, all of the kids sing "Oh, Susannah!"  Badly!  "Fosse, forgive me!" Mr. Kwame cries. Then Esperanza does a mesmerizing performance of  "Beautiful Dreamer." 

Jonathan doesn't audition; he uses pyrotechnics and confetti cannons to push for the job of stage manager.  The end.

Beefcake: None, but I included the butts of Jason Ritter and Rome Flynn after the break.

Heterosexism: Just among the adults.  I researched the series, and none of the kids is involved in a heterosexual romance.

Gay Characters: One scene implying that Dion is gay.  There are probably hints in other episodes, too, but I doubt they go beyond.  

According to AfterEllen, Mom's sister Kat gets a "surprise! she's a lesbian" moment that is never referenced again.  There are rainbow posters around the school, but I can't read what they say.

Gay Subtext: Dion and Brayden have a kid version of a toxic romantic relationship, complete with gaslight, blaming, and abuse.  Nothing with Dion and Jonathan in this episode. 

My Grade:  Esperanza steals every scene, and Jonathan is amazing as a pre-teen operator.  Dion is the morose, troubled Peter Parker type.  Mom is definitely over protective.  Kid plotline: A-.

Overall, this seems to be Mom's story, about the problems of raising a "special needs" kid and dealing with the season's Big Bad.  Grown-up plotline: C+.

Butts after the break.  Guess which belongs to whom:

Sherlock & Daughter: A late Victorian red thread case, with gay actors, a lesbian subtext, Dougray bum, and Kasper cock

 

Since Arthur Conan Doyle began publishing stories of the Baker Street detective and his...um...roomate, hundreds of movie and tv adaptions of the Sherlock Holmes mythos have appeared.  Many depict Sherlock and Watson as gay-subtext buddies or even boyfriends, but I don't hold much hope out for Sherlock & Daughter, now streaming on MAX. Having a daughter pegs him as heterosexual, and with those two sorting through clues, Dr. Watson is bound to be relegated to a few walk-on "Hello, old chap" lines.  

But David Thewlis (Sherlock) played gay poet Paul Verlaine against Leonardo DiCaprio's Rimbaud, and almost-gay Lupus in the Harry Potter movies. And he has shown us his d*ck several times on screen, so I'm reviewing the first episode anyway.

Scene 1: London, 1896 (Sherlock is in his mid 40s). He takes a hansom cab through a late-Victorian cityscape to the crime scene, a giant mansion, and greets Inspectors Bullivant and Whitlock (Aidan McArdle, left early photo).  The kidnappers dragged the boy from his room, but the maid intervened, and they fled.

Uh-oh, Sherlock finds a red string on the boy's wrist, refuses the case, and rushes out.  

"But his father is the Italian Ambassador." 

"Tough, I'm out."

Scene 2: New York, still 1896.  Amelia bursts into a cheap hotel, past the prostitutes, and gets a room.  A bellhop named Cooper (Kasper Andreasen) offers to carry her luggage, but he actually leads her to the alley and tries to rob her.  She pulverizes him, but he takes her purse anyway.

Left: Kasper Andreason, from Banbridge, Northern Ireland, hit the newspapers in 2017, when the 12--year old raised thousands of pounds for children with cancer with a paperclip swap.  In 2020, he flew to London to interview the stars of the movie 1917.  

Age 21 as of this writing, Kasper has 5 acting credits on the IMDB, including the paranormal teen Silverpoint and Mordlichter - Tod auf den Färöer Inseln, so I'm guessing that he's fluent in German.

A more...um...intimate portrayal after the break

At the steamship ticket office, Amelia has no more money, but she offers a blueprint for a machine that pasteurizes milk, so you can bring it on ships.  You're offering that to a ticket agent?  How about a CEO?  He doesn't want it, so how about her mother's watch?

Scene 3: Back on Baker Street, Sherlock looks at a mysterious letter he received, while his housekeeeper, Mrs. Halligan, brings his dinner.  He rejects it: the egg is overcooked. 

She scoffs: she only agreed to help out because he's taken the case of the kidnapping of her sister, Mrs. Hudson, and Dr. Watson.  Why would that require you to take a job as his housekeeper? 

"Tough, it's simple instructions. 4 minutes 12 seconds to boil an egg for toast soldiers.  Go find someone with the brains to do it properly." Toast soldiers must be a Victorian thing.

When she storms out, he looks at the message: "Lamp in the window tonight to show you will observe the thread or Watson and Hudson (the housekeeper) will pay like your maid."  Next he opens a box with a red thread and severed finger.

Scene 4: On the steamer en route to London, Amelia is also playing with a red thread.  A rich girl in a pink cape approaches and starts flirting voraciously.  Careful, ladies: Oscar Wilde's trial just ended.

Oh, well, what the heck: let's change course for "Lesbos, where kisses, languishing or joyous, burning as the sun's light, cool as melons,  adorn the nights and the glorious days" (Baudelaire).

Back stories: Amelia's father lives on Baker Street (hint, hint), and the Girl's father is the new U.S. Ambassador to the U.K.  "By the way, Papa is throwing me a ball to celebrate my coming out. Won't you come as my date?" You're quite an ally, Dad.  Yes, I know she means coming out into society.

Uh-oh, the girl's chaperone, Lady Violet, aka the Wicked Witch of the West, appears, drags her away, and warns Amelia to back off, or she'll put her in the brig. The Girl is going to marry the aristocrat that her parents choose; she doesn't have time for indulgences like lesbian romance!  

Scene 5: Amelia stays out of sight until they reach New York.  Then the Girl spots her, rushes up, and assures her that class distinctions are meaningless, they should become very close friends.  "Call on me anytime.  Anytime." 

Native American actress Blu Hunt (left) identifies as "super queer," and played a queer character on "The Originals."

Amelia makes her way through London's Chinatown, gets cruised by a prostitute (what, is she wearing a Pride flag?), barters food from an African lady, and finds a secluded park bench to sleep on.  Why not go directly to Baker Street and reunite with your Dad?

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Jacob Tremblay: Gay sea monster, gay-subtext Miracle, heterosexist Good Boy, Boyfriend. With Brady Noon and n*de dudes

 

You probably saw Luca (2021), the Disney/Pixar animated movie about the friendship between the closeted sea monster boy (Jacob Tremblay) and a human boy named Alberto (Jack Dylan Grazer). And you were probably upset when director Enrico Casarosa vehemently denied the possibility of a gay reading of the couple.  "They're kids!  They're much too young to be gay!"   

Got it, Enrico. All boys are born heterosexual, Gay is something that happens in adulthood, after you've tried heterosexual stuff and decided that it is not right for you. Gay is who you invite to your bed,, heterosexual is the Eternal Feminine that draws us to the City of God. 

Yeah, I was unhappy, too.  

But it wasn't the fault of the actors.  I heard that Jack Dylan Grazer and Jason Maybaum (general voices) are gay.  Let's see if Luca himself, Jacob Tremblay, is involve din any gay-friendly projects.

He has 43 acting credits on the IMDB, most long before Luca.  I've never heard of most of them, but there seem to be some interesting gay subtexts here and there:

Gord's Brother (2015): The human Gord and his monster brother (Jack Irvine, Raphael Alejandro) searach for the legendary City of Monsters.  Jacob plays the Young Gord.

Wonder (2017): "The incredibly inspiring and heartwarming story" of a boy with facial differences who goes to school.  How to come up with a title that gives you absolutely no clue to what the movie is about.  

There's a girl -- there's always a girl -- but he makes a male friend (Noah Jupe), too.  

Good Boys (2019): Three six-grade boys skip school to go on an "epic adventure" involving two of them (Jacob, Brady Noon, center, recent photo) trying to win the Girls of Their Dreams (of course).  The third (Keith L. Williams) is a bullying victim who doesn't try to win a girl.  Hey, in a raunchy "coming of age" comedy, I'll take any gay hints I can get.  

Will Forte plays one of the dads.

Left: As of this writing, Brady Noon is 19.  Maybe I'll profile him next.

More Jacob after the break

Gavin Lewis: Is the Prince of Peoria packing? Or are his abs enough? With Gavin, Jordan, and Tim Nelson's stuff

The Prince of Peoria (2018-19) was an attempt by Netflix to break into the teencom market with a Hannah Montana-type premise: Emil (Gavin Lewis), the young prince of a ridiculously over-the-top country, goes undercover as an ordinary exchange student in Peoria, Illinois.

I grew up near Peoria, so I was hoping for shots of local landmarks.  But, except for the opening montage, you might as well be in Albuquerque.  No Peoria landmarks are mentioned in the two episodes I reviewed.

An unbridled id, Emil forms an "unlikely" buddy bond with overachieving superego Teddy (Theodore Barnes, the one who doesn't have his shirt off).  Emil teaches Teddy not to be so uptight, and Teddy teaches Emil to be more responsible.

The gay subtext is played with, as in "The Bro-Posal," when Emil proposes (asks Teddy to make their relationship official), and is rejected.

And in "Robot Wars," advertised as "Emil develops an instant crush on Ryan, Teddy's long-time rival." Turns out that Ryan is a girl with a boy's name!  Fooled you!

You probably didn't watch, but you'll certainly be interested in Gavin Lewis now, at age 21.

Researching topics other than Gavin's abs is rough.  Only one instagram post, no Facebook account, no X, a very common name.  According to Wikipedia, he was born in Salt Lake City, so we can guess that he's Mormon.  

At age nine Gavin was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  Nick Jonas came to visit him, resulting in his interest in a stage career (his parents being theater professionals helped, too).  He booked his first movie role at the age of nine, and soon moved to Los Angeles to start auditioning.

Pre-Peoria work includes Just Jacques, Ominous, Real Boy, NCIS, Hey Arnold, The Bugaloos, and No Good Nick.

After Peoria, Gavin got a starring role in  Little Fires Everywhere (2020), a Hulu drama about: "the weight of secrets, the nature of art and identity, the ferocious pull of motherhood – and the danger in believing that following the rules can avert disaster."  Geeze, just tell us what it's about. Does anyone start a fire?

Gavin plays Moody, the youngest son of the "picture-perfect Richardson family."  In Episode 2, he "grows frustrated as Trip tells him Pearl friend-zoned him and is hanging out with Lexie."  I don't know what that means.

The other guys in the photo are Moody's brother Trip (Jordan Elsass) and his friend Brian (Stevonte Hart).  Sorry, they're all heterosexual, but there's a gay character: Moody's older sister, "the black sheep of the family," naturally.

And Jordan Elsass reputedly has a j/o video somewhere online.

In the Western Old Henry (2021), a farmer and his son (Tim Blake Nelson, Gavin) take in an injured man (Scott Haze) with satchel full of cash.  He claims to be a lawman who was ambushed by bad guys, but the posse that arrives claims that he is the bad guy.  Who to believe? 

You'll have to watch.  Meanwhile, here's Tim's d*ck to tide you over.

Gavin's character doesn't display any heterosexual interest.

More after the break

A classic gay-subtext romance in "Godzilla v. Kong: The New Empire." Plus some penises, of course.

 

For Movie Night this week, we sawGodzilla v. Kong: The New Empire (2024).

I didn't actually understand what was going on most of the time:

 There was a Hollow Earth, which you can only get to through a space warp.

A Lost Civilization that predates anything on the surface, where people communicate through telepathy and use crystals to manipulate matter and antimatter.

A Chosen One.

A tribe of giant apes that live next to a volcano, and keep a giant glowing stegasaurus captive.  King Kong joins them, becomes their leader after fighting an evil dude, and adopts a baby ape.

Another giant stegasaurus, which fights King Kong in Egypt and takes out the Great Pyramid of Giza.

Nearby Cairo is an Orientalist myth instead of a modern city with skyscrapers and Starbucks.  

Is that a gay couple?

A giant glowing moth.

A fight between the two dinosaurs and two apes that takes out Rio de Janiero.

I guess you just have to say "Look!  Monsters fighting!"

Five people go to the Hollow Earth to check on Disturbances in the Force or something.

1. Mikael (Alex Fern, top photo), the driver of the transport vehicle, who gets eaten by a man-eating plant right away.  

2. Ilene Andrews, an expert on the Iwi Culture of Skull Island, where King Kong lived before he moved to the Hollow Earth.

3. Her adopted daughter Ji, the last of her tribe, who doesn't speak.

4. Tripper (Dan Stevens, left), a roguish, devil-may-care monster veterinarian.  

5. Conspiracy theory podcaster Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry).

When Tripper shows up, you assume he's going to be smooching with Ilene by fadeout.  That's what happens in 300,000 action adventure movies, right?  

Nope.  He mentions that they were friends in college, but gives no hint of a past or present relationship. Instead, he starts flirting with Podcaster Bernie, who is suspicious at first but warms up to him.

They hug.

More after the break

Max Casella after dating Doogie: Christian Bale's buddy, Tony Soprano's driver, Timon, Bottom, bi. With a small d*ck bonus.

 

In the early 1990s, if your parents belong to a certain socioeconomic class, you were required to watch ABC's ultra-conservative programming block on Wednesday nights: 

The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage as a boy winning the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.

Home Improvement, with Tim Allen grunting with tools.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a...football coach.

And Doogie Howser, MD, with Neil Patrick Harris as a 16-year old who somehow managed to finish medical school, become a doctor, and get girls.

I wasn't of a certain age, I was not living with parents of a certain socioeconomic class, so on Wednesday nights I was watching Seinfeld.   Not Doogie Howser, because of its ridiculous premise and "Girls are the meaning of life!" ideology.  

 But I did notice Max Casella, who played Doogie's buddy: 22-26 years, "cute as a bug's ear," as the oldsters would say, and a member of the Short Guy Brigade at 5'7".

As everyone knows, Neil Patrick Harris came out a few years after Doogie, and for some inscrutable reason agreed to play "himself' in the homophobic Harold & Kumar movies and heterosexual horndog Barney on How I Met Your Mother (2005-14).  More recently, in Uncoupled (2022), he played a gay man dealing with the death of his partner and suddenly becoming single at midlife. 

But what has Max Casella been doing?

I'm researching the three standard questions: 

1. Any gay roles?

2. Gay in real life?

3. Any n*ude photos?  

1. Any gay roles?

In Newsies (1992), a Disney movie about the newsboys' strike of 1899, Max plays Racetrack Higgins, who may be gay or bisexual.  When focus character Jack (Christian Bale) says that they can't beat up the newsboys who refuse to join the strike, he "jokingly" suggests kissing them.

In Ed Wood (1994), the biopic of the director known for crossdressing, Glen or Glenda? and Plan 9 from Outer Space, Max plays Paul Marco, the gay actor who often starred in Wood's films.  His sexual identity is not mentioned here.

Later Max moved into animation, voicing characters on Pepper Anne, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Kim Possible; and video games such as Jak and Daxter (a humanoid elf and his previously-human otter-weasel buddy) and Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad of Gay Tony (he doesn't voice Gay Tony).

He appeared in 28 episodes of The Sopranos (2001-07) as Benny Fazio, who is partnered with Chris Moltisanti and sometimes works as Capo Tony's driver.  He's married with children.

Inside Llewelyn Davis (2013) depicts a day in the life of the folk singer (Oscar Davis) in the early 1960s Greenwich Village scene.  Max plays Club Manager Pappi Corsicato, who has sex with Llewelyn's girl.

Tulsa King (2024-): Sylvester Stallone plays a mob boss who tries to start a new cosa nostra among the Oklahoma cowboys.  Max plays Manny Truisi, formerly a soldier in the Invernizzi Family, who tried to assassinate Stallone's Dwight, then fled. and started a new life working on a horse ranch.  He's got a wife and kid.

More after the break.  

Paradise: Gay-subtext President and Secret Service Guy, annoying cliches, murder, a silly plot twist, and James Marsden

A tv series called Paradise just dropped on Hulu, recalling the annoying Netflix habit of impossible-to-research one-word titles.  But the icon shows two men and a woman, and the first episode icon, two men together.  So maybe some gay characters, or at least a gay subtext buddy bond.  Let's check.

Scene 1: Xavier (Sterling K. Brown) wakes up on one side of a bed, feels the pillow on the other side, and flashes his wedding ring.  Annoying cliche #1: Dead wife.  Heterosexual identity established in a gesture at Minute 1.  He morosely gets up, dresses with just enough beefcake to show his scars, and writes messages in marker: "Eat me first!"; "Get brushed!" "Dress your teeth."  Har-har.

He leaves to go jogging, greeting the neighbor in his vine-covered nuclear family house, through Annoying Cliche #2: a small town that looks like it's the 1950s -- past a store with one of those toy horse rides outside, for chrissakes.  They're all setting up for the big, important carnival. 

Past a rich dude's house, where Agent Pace (Jon Beavers) jokes that he's getting old and about to have a heart attack (Sterling K. Brown is only 49; you can run into your 80s).  

He counters that Agent Pace runs a 14 minute mile. "But I lift, dude."   

"But...the world's biggest biceps don't make up for the world's smallest dick." Annoying Cliche #3: The size of your dick correlates with your worth as a human being.  These guys are both jerks.

Scene 2: Back home.  Annoying Cliche #4: teenage daughter and preteen son. Why can't it ever, just once, be the other way around? They discuss his diet -- he's getting fat -- and his inability to sleep since the Wife Died.

Left: Sterling K. sort-of smiling.  His character displays only two emotions, anger and sadness.

Xavier eats his daughter's eggs instead of his own, creepily grabs and threatens to tickle her, and Annoying Cliche #4: kisses the top of her head.  

The son is reading James and the Giant Peach. Xavier disapproves.  Why?  It's about a boy whose parents are killed by a rampaging rhinocerous, so he is sent to live with his abusive aunts...oh.

Scene 3: Back to the rich person's house.  Agent Pace had to go home to use the bathroom, so Jane is working in his place.  Xavier goes through the gate, past the fountain and into the house, where two other agents, Rainier and Brooks, meet him.  "Rich guy isn't up yet, and it's 10:00 am."  He must be getting special security due to a death threat. 

Through the house -- all white, with ferns -- past pictures of Rich Guy and his buddies.

Up the stairs, knocking on the door. "Mr. President."

Wait -- does he mean the President of the United States?  But this ain't the White House!  It could be a Mar-a-Lago sort of presidential retreat. 

He bursts in to find the President dead on the floor,  in a pool of blood.

Scene 4: Five Years Earlier: The President (James Marsden, top photo) asks Xavier (left) to remove his shoes before entering his office (not the Oval Office).  He won the election last night, as the incumbent, but his opponent "had the brain of  Goldendoodle" (isn't being stupid a requirement for the job?).   He wants Xavier to be his lead secret service agent, or rather "by my side for the next four years -- and after." He mentions his future retirement without mentioning "beautiful women" -- queer code.

But why Xavier?  "You're the best, and you're black."  Why, are you into black guys?  He's a Southerner, so he can't have an all-white staff.  

The President prides himself on being an outsider,  unconventional, but able to make the hard decisions, because "The world is 19 times more fucked up than anyone realizes."

Scene 5: Back to the present.  Xavier notices two glasses, one empty; a cigarette on the floor; and something missing from the dressing room safe.  Also, in a photo of the President with his family, someone drew horns on his wife (Cassidy Freeman, Amber on The Righteous Gemstones).  

His son is played by Charlie Evans, left.  Unfortunately, that's also the name of a female actor who takes off her clothes a lot, so I can't research any beefcake for him. To get even, I'm putting a random n*de dude after the break.

Xavier calls for a lockdown, says he needs 30 minutes, and starts crying. So, you and the President were good buddies, huh?

Scene 6: Flashback to  the end of Xavier's first day in the secret service.  The President notes that he and his wife hate each other -- she'll leave him as soon as he's out of office-- and asks if Xavier has a wife and kids. Why, to see if he's available for snogging?  

"Only two kids?  Good.  It's a smart move to not have kids right now."  Why, global warming?

Scene 7: In the present, Xavier calls Agent Pace and orders him back to the house.  He resists, so Xavier says"It's bad.  It's really bad."

He heads to the basement to talk to Mike Garcia (Eddie Diaz), who is staffing the security cameras, to go through the President's day.  Workout, got out of his bathrobe for the first time in a week, coffee with Sinatra (don't get excited, it's a woman with a man's name).

Xavier was there: he remembers the President and Sinatra arguing about who has the biggest balls. 

Left: Marsden's backside

Then the President made pasta (from scratch) for dinner with his son, but the guy bailed on him and ate with his mother.   Then his usual (female) bedroom partner arrived. After the bedroom visit, he visited with his father, who stays in the guest house, then went to bed. Last person to see him was -- Xavier!

More after the break