Matisyahu's Hanukkah Gift: Tony Cavalero, Alfonso McAuley, Antiochus, Santa Claus, and some bonus Jewish dicks

 

 Matisyahu ("Gift of God" in Hebrew), born Matthew Paul Miller, is  -- or was -- a Hasidic reggae artist (he has re-invented himself, and no longer identifies as Hasidic).  Tony Cavalero starred in the music video for his song "Miracle" (2011):

At Hanukkah time, Matisyahu is skating with his kids, when Tony accidentally knocks him over! While unconscious, he dreams that he is bed with King Antiochus (Tony ), the evil Greek emperor who was defeated by the Maccabees. Afterwards there was only enough oil in the lamp to light the Temple for one night, but miraculously it stayed lit for eight days: thus we celebrate Hanukkah.

In bed, Antiochus invites Matisyahu to a party: "there's going to be babes, food, chocolate stuff."  He agrees to go, but then Mattityahu (Alfonso McAuley), the priests whose refusal to sacrifice to the Greek gods started the rebellion, convinces him to rebel instead. 

Left: Alfonso McAuley

They skate through a forest of Christmas trees and rap:

You look so down, look so puzzled. 

 Huddle round your fire through all the rubble.

Bound to stumble and fall but my strength comes not from man at all

Antiochus captures them and puts them in a cage in Santa Claus suits, guarded by a Nutcracker. They escape and fight through a hockey game.  

No need to worry, no need to cry.

Light up your mind no longer be blind

Him who searches he'll find

Leave your problems behind

We will shine like a fire in the sky

What's the reason we're alive.

Finally Antiochus warms up to the idea of religious freedom, and they all hug and dance under a menorah.

More after the break

"Nobody Wants This": Rabbi and "bad date" podcaster fall in love, with a gay dad and a lesbian best friend

 

I certainly didn't want to see a tv show called Nobody Wants This, a romcom about a rabbi and an agnostic girl who fall in love.  But I needed a half hour series, and it stars Adam Brody, who has played gay characters, and Kristen Bell, whose character was bisexual-vague in The Good Place.  So maybe there will be some gay representation.

Scene 1: Joanne, Kristen Bell, runs away from a guy during their first date because he starts crying about how he lost his grandmother -- when he was 12!   Switch to her podcast, where she asks "Am I the asshole?"  30 minutes of the date, and she learned that Grandma was a Rockette, and spent 42 years with her soulmate, William.  A little much.

Sister Morgan: You always do this.  You meet a nice guy, and find something wrong with him.  It's like you don't want to be in a relationship. Who wants to watch a podcast about Joanne's relationship trouble?  Oh, wait, this is a whole tv show about it.

Scene 2: Switch to Noah (Adan Brody) talking to his brother, Sasha, Timothy Simmons, who is heterosexual -- "Is Esther cheating on me?"

 "No, you have to stop letting Mom cut your hair. It's dumb."  Inside, they prepare to watch the game with a lady named Beck, whom Noah kisses.  

She was snooping around and found an engagement ring in a locked drawer, so she started planning the wedding.  Noah wanted to ask, so it would be romantic. Besides, invasion of privacy.  They argue; he dumps her.

Scene 3: Jeanne, Morgan, and an old guy, Michael Hitchcock, having dinner.  Wait, there's an old lady on the other side of the booth; it's the anniversary of the day Mom and Dad got divorced!  

Mom explains to the cute waiter, Keith Walker, that they were ecstatically happy for 32 years, but then he became "a bit confused about his sexuality."  Oh, no, not another "you're just confused."  That's ancient!

She continues: "It's very trendy to be gay these days, so he switched." 

Jeanne and her sister cut her off before she says anything else stupid.

Later, Jeanne gets a phone call from a Bigwig, who wants to "talk acquisition, a spin-off, and a book deal.  Just keep having wacky relationship problems."  Uh-oh, Girlfriend is finding true love later this episode.

Scene 4: Jeanne in bed, thinking of podcast ideas, when her best friend Ashley calls to invite her to a dinner party tonight.

"Who's going to be there?" Jeanne asks with a frown. "Bunch of lesbians?"  Why don't you like LGBT people, Jeanne?  Angry because your dad turned gay?

Best friend Ashley assures her that some heterosexuals are invited, including some men that she can date and find something wrong with for the podcast: a divorced dude with a kid, so you can make fun of him for being a bad dad; a finance guy who can't talk about anything else; and a rabbi, so you can make circumcision jokes. 

Jeanne is excited.  "They sound awful!  I'll be there!"

Scene 5: The party, in a huge mansion...um, middle class house.  Mostly women, a heterosexual male-female couple, a fruity guy flirting with a woman.  

Jeanne kisses best friend Ashley on the mouth, and gets rejected. "Ewww...not gay for you." Wait, you dislike gay people, remember? Or maybe you hate everybody, so it's not homophobia, it's misanthropy/misogyny? 

Next she sidles up to Noah, who thinks she's going through a crisis.  "No, I'm just in constant need of attention."  He has the same problem, constantly needing people to tell him he's cute. 

That reminds her -- "There's a rabbi here!  Let's find him so we can make fun of him!"  She points out a bearded guy on the other side of the room.

As everyone goes in to dinner, Joanne seeks out Best Friend Ashley.  "I think I'm really into the Divorced Guy!"  

"Good.  He's a horrible person, a condescending asshole, perfect for your podcast."  Funny, that doesn't sound like Noah....

Big Reveal after the break. Caution: Explicit.

"Difficult People": Billy pretends to be straight, Julie pretends to be Italian, and the guest star's son takes his shirt off

 

Yesterday on the treadmill, I watched Difficult People, a two season sitcom about two jerks, the Jewish Julie and the gay Billy (Julie Klausner, Billy Eichner. below). I've had a file of photos for a long time, so why not write a review?

Julie and Billy are trying to break into stand-up comedy as a pair. We only see snippets of their act, but it seems to involve insulting people.  Plots often involve pop-culture name dropping or the pairs' crazy relatives.  Among the famous guest stars are Amy Sedaris, Lucy Liu, Tina Fey, Mark Consuelos, and Kathy Lee Gifford.

Rounding out the cast are James Urbaniak as Julie's business suit-wearing husband, who works for PBS; Andrea Martin as her yenta mother; and Cole Escola, left, as the swishy queen who works with Billy at his coffee shop gig. 

This episode, "Italian Piñata," begins with the pair walking past the Stonewall Tavern, where the Gay Rights Movement began: queens upset over the death of Judy Garland weren't going to take the police harassment anymore, and fought back.  The Judy Garland angle has been completely discredited.  These were young adults in the 60s. They were into the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, not some singer from their grandparents' generation.

Billy notes that it's National Coming Out Day, when super-hot A-gays who spend the rest of the year snubbing everyone who isn't a Greek god do their public duty by offering to introduce newly-out guys to the culture.  It doesn't even matter if they're ugly or have a horrible personality -- or both, like Billy -- if you're newly out, you're in. 

Julie Turns Italian: On their way to a horrible party that Julie's husband had to plan for his PBS job, in Hoboken, the pair drops into an Italian meat shop, where some ladies like Julie's jokes about "meat in my mouth."  They have big hair, eat everything in sight, carry purses that "fell off a truck," and discuss what they'll do to the penises of boyfriends who betray them.  Julie is in love!  She announces to her mother and husband that she's coming out -- she now identifies as Italian!  The two are horrified.

Mom works as a therapist whose client -- the famous Mink Stole -- has a daughter in a cult.  They discuss deprogramming -- kidnapping the brainwashed girl and yelling at her until she "believes what I want her to believe." Mom thinks this would work on Julie.  

Billy Turns Straight: Meanwhile, Billy and Julie go to a New Jersey gay bar, where he gets the idea of pretending to come out.  He announces that he was straight until today, and Julie is actually his soon-to-be ex-wife.  The gay guys, including bartender Pasha Pelosie, left, all want to welcome him into the gay community.  

More beef after the break

Ride Share: Skyler Gisondo's Bar Mitzvah, Beau Mirchoff nude, and Andy Favreau just because

 

Ride Overshare was a nine-episode tv series about a rideshare driver named Morgan (Morgan Philips) getting involved in the lives of his passengers.

 

 Skyler Gisondo appears as Ben in Episode 1.2 (2017), "Lox of Love": Morgan "does a mitzvah for a young boy about to become a young man."  "Mitzvah" just means good deed, but from the description it's obvious that Morgan is getting him to his bar mitzvah on time. 

I haven't been able to find the 4-minute episode, or the series, anywhere online, but does this look like a 13-year old to you?  Skyler was 18 or 19 in 2017.

Skyler's companion, Moishe, is played by Sam Lerner, best known for The Goldbergs.

The internet says that this is Sam nude.  I'm not so sure.

More after the break