Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts

"The Wrong Paris": Romcom with Pierson Fode, Harry Jowsey, and Paris. What else do you need? Ok, some nude Texans?

 


The Wrong Paris, a romcom about a girl who thinks she's going to Paris, France, but...you get the idea...dropped on Netflix with this photo, so I'm in.  At least until I determine if there are any gay characters, maybe the standard femme gay assistant or shade-casting best buddy saying "Girl, forget your career -- you need a man!"

Scene 1: Focus character Dawn (Miranda Cosgrove of ICarly), wearing overalls, is welding something in the barn of her stereotype-country farm.   She checks the mail, then goes into the house.  Geez, it's full of girls. She has like 83 sisters and no brothers. They discuss their Dead Mom, whose only goal in life was to see Dawn go to the Academie d'Art in Paris! 

Grandma sneakily produces the admission letter!  No financial aid, though, and Dawn spent most of her Paris Fund paying for Grandma's medical bills last year.  She can pay the tuition, but not room, board, or airfare.

Dawn goes out to her rusty pickup truck to look desolate.  Sister stops by, asking for a ride to the Piggly Wiggly.  OMG, the Piggly Wiggly.  We're in redneck territory. I guess we won't be seeing a gay/femme best friend.


Scene 2:  Dawn is in the diner, serving up coffee to Buck (finally some men!).  Her ex Levi (William Wilder) drops by to ask if they can get together again, but it's been two years, and besides "You're dating Debbie from the DQ."   The DQ, har har.  We gonna have grits and sweet tea later?


Left: I tried to research William Wilder, but this is his first movie and he has no social media presence, so here's a random Texas dude.

Sister knows how Dawn can get to Paris: Season 16 of The Honey Pot, a reality dating show, will be filmed there!  And if you're chosen as a contestant, you get a $20,000 appearance fee.  That will take care of her living expenses for the year.  

"Would you like some coffee with your crazy?"

"Don't worry, I'm a big fan, and I can coach you."

Scene 3: The garage, where Dawn is welding.  A partially finished painting of flowers in the background.  Sister explains: Each season, 20 ladies move into the swanky mansion of a rich bachelor.  Are there a lot of rich bachelors who want to participate?  

Activities are designed to "trigger that primal quest for love and mating."  Sounds very heteronormative, assuming that heterosexual desire is universal human experience, based on biology.  

He drops one every week, until the remaining contestant has to decide whether to stay with him or take the $250,000 prize money. Stay with the guy -- you'll get a lot more than that.

Uh-oh, Grandma found out that Girlfriend paid for her medical bills, and is not happy.  "You try to control everyone!  I could have come up with something!"  And another thing: why hasn't she tried to show any of her art?  Every single town has an art center that displays local talent.  

Scene 4: More instructions.  The contest draws four types: Cinderellas ("I have been dreaming of finding my prince my whole life"), Roughnecks ("I'm a biker chick looking for my Ride or Die."), Desperate for Babies ("I get hot when I'm ovulating"), and Small Town Girls Desperate to Get Out.  That will be Dawn's persona.  Right, persona, just pretending...

To the auditions in Dallas.  Previous seasons have filmed in Fiji, Zurich, Nome, and Rome.  Dawn says that she's a Small Town Girl, and a big fan of the show.  She especially liked the one with the "blind pilot from 'Nam."  Her notes are wrong: it was a bush pilot from Nome, har har.  A silly mistake.  Why would a pilot be blind?  And no one has called Vietnam 'Nam since 1975.  But anything for a joke.


"So, why do you want to go to Paris?"

"It's full of light and art.  It's the most beautiful city in the world."  Paris, Texas, is quite scenic, but surely the casting agent realizes that Dawn is thinking of the Paris in France.  Why not inform her?

"To be honest, I don't want to be stuck in a small town forever."  



The casting agent likes her, but the producer (maybe Torrance Coombs) wants someone with a social media presence to boost their numbers, so Dawn is out.  But she tells her sister she made it!  Quite a fibber, aren't you, girl? 

Scene 4: A country western bar back home, with two-stepping couples while the singer tells us that his girl don't need any of his money. Hint, hint.  

Dawn and Sister, playing pool, catch the attention of a blond cowboy -- with spurs yet!   Dawn approaches and accuses him of being a tech bro playing dress-up.  That's no way to get laid, girl.  They dance and flirt and -- uh-oh, Sister is being harassed by two guys, so it's up to Dawn to rescue her.



"We could have done better at Twin Peaks," one of them (Kaden Connors) sneers.  The gay bar on Castro Street in San Francisco?  

This enrages Dawn; she breaks the guy's fingers and throws him out.  The entire bar applauds her chivalrous act.  But she didn't get the Cowboy's name or number.

Scene 5:  Dawn is welding when she gets the call.  She rushes out to tell Sister and Grandma: "I got the part!  I'm going to Paris!"  

Cut to the goodbyes as a hired car drives her to the airport.  She ineptly joins the line of contestants being filmed as they walk in slow motion, hair blowing in the wind, for the Honey Pot Season 16 promo.  On the plane -- wait, the flight attendant is speaking French Have all of the contestants been deceived?

Their cell phones will be confiscated until they go home.

Scene 6: Cut to the girls sleeping, as the flight from Dallas to Paris, France takes nine hours. As they descend, the windows are fogged so they can't see out -- the producer wants their reaction shots as they exit their plane at Orly...um, Cox Field in Paris, Texas, 100 miles from Dallas.  They've just been circling for hours!

As the photographer takes his stuff from the overhead bin, his bulge is visible (I couldn't get a good screen shot).  One of the ladies tells him to "get your baguette out of my face."

The girls exit, wearing berets, carrying French flags...to the desolation of East Texas.  Cries of "Hell, no!",  "What the f*k!", "Kiss my grits!",  "Wait -- there's a Texas in France?", and from Dawn, "I want the hell out!"  But she wants the $20,000 appearance fee, so she stays.  A dirty trick, and just for the reaction shots.  Now it will be an ordinary contest.  What was the point?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

"English Teacher": Gay teacher, his ex-boyfriend, and his homophobic buddy face woke culture and get naked


I spent the worst year of my life teaching English at Homophobe State University in Hell, aka a far northern suburb of Houston, Texas. The minute I submitted the last of the final grades, I got in my car and drove nonstop until that blessed "You are now leaving Hell" sign was receding into the distance.

So the new Hulu series, English Teacher, about an English teacher in small town Hell...I mean Texas...piqued my interest.  I could relive how hideously horrible it was, from the safe distance of my living room a thousand miles away.

Score -- none of the promotional materials let on, but this English teacher, Evan, played by Brian Jordan Alvarez,  is gay.  Let the rampant homophobia begin.

Left: the worst place in the world








And Brian Jordan Alvarez's cock, to take your mind off the horror.

Wait -- in English Teacher, everyone knows that Evan is gay.  Not a problem.  The problem is, he's kind of a jerk.

The much more woke students want to cancel him, for instance, because he said that he couldn't understand why lesbians aren't attracted to men.  Lots of people aren't attracted to men, idjit!


In the first episode, a parent wants him fired, claiming that he turned her kid gay by kissing his then-boyfriend and current hookup, played by Jordan Firstman, in front of the class. 

Left: Jordan's dick.




More after the break

Corey Saucier: Texas model who got nekkid with Carrie Bradshaw, counseled a dying gay guy, and posted an adult video, sort of

 


I like guys who aren't very famous, where there's something to research.  Never heard of Corey Saucier, but there are two types of photos of him online:

1. Teen idol type









2. And sullen artistic model type.











Corey was born in 1988 in a suburb of Houston,  played basketball, football, and basketball in high school, and decided to become a model while at Texas State University.



This modeling photo is from 2008, when he was 20.  

According to his purple-prose bio at the Fort Agency, "Corey Saucier has shot with fittingly unique brands, such as Diesel and his handsome visage has posed for Gap, Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein and Levis."

His handsome visage?  Come on, that sounds ridiculous. Visages don't pose.








He continues: “My style is a mixture of chic and rugged”

He has two acting roles listed on the IMDB, both, in 2022:

Shane in "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered," Episode 1.8 of  And Just Like That, the update of Sex and the City.   I never saw the original, but I understand that it's about four ladies sitting around discussing sex in a gay-free New York.  He isn't listed in the episode synopsis, but apparently he gets nekkid with, I think, Carey?

And Dr. Underwood in Spoiler Alert, about a gay couple (Jim Parsons, Kit Aldritch), one of whom is dying of cancer.  Why on Earth would anyone want to watch something like that?    I assume that Dr. Underwood is diagnosing him or whatever.



More nekkid photos after the break

Jackson Kelly: A killer doll, a killer pumpkin, a paranormal trap, nude Hicks, and a year of dicks


I was interested in profiling Jackson Kelly, who played one of the dying Civil War soldiers in Righteous Gemstones Season 4.  He was somewhat difficult to research, since there are a lot of Jackson Kellys out there, including a female adult video actor, but I finally I found some newspaper articles and podcasts from our Jackson's home town. 




Jackson grew up in Waco, Texas, the heart of the homophobic Bible Belt, and had trouble pursuing his dream: the nearest acting class was two hours away, and for auditions, his parents had to drive him six hours to Austin.  There are three theaters in Waco.





In April 2020, COVID hit, and the Vanguard College Preparatory School went online. They have a Latin Club, but no GSA, and no mention of LGBT non-discrimination.    So he packed his stuff and moved to L.A., with the full support of his parents.  If I liked to wear evening gowns, I'd be getting the heck out of Waco regardless. 

Jackson's first industry job was a production assistant for a company making commercials -- a lot of manual labor, moving stuff from here to there.  Then he began appearing in commercials and "zero-budget" independent films:

My Year of Dicks, 2022: he has one of the dicks that the girl tries to get.

Splinters, 2022: after the death of his father....f*k the Sadness

Witch Mountain, 2022: Two teens, male and female, develop psychic powers.  You see where this is heading.

Portrait of a Young Man, 2022: Jackson, the Young Man, is struggling with "his identity."  Sounds like a coming out story, but in the trailer he kisses a girl.


Hard Miles, 2023Matthew Modine plays a social worker who organizes a 1,000 mile bicycle trip to the Grand Canyon for a group of teen convicts, including Smink, played by Jackson.

Left: Matthew Modine's butt.

The Western The Warrant: Breaker's Law, 2023, with Dermot Mulroney as the villain. Jackson plays someone named Brig Farkus.  At least he has some interesting character names.




Five episodes of Lucky Hank, 2023, a quickly-cancelled series about college English/creative writing professor Bob Odenkirk having a midlife crisis/meltdown. 

Jackson plays an aspiring novelist named Barstow Williams-Stevens. In the trailer, he throws shade at the prof during class: "You haven't said anything for an hour and a half. Would you please say something?  Your only novel isn't even available in your own campus bookstore."  The prof responds in kind, and gets in big trouble.


More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.2 Kelvin clenches, Keefe dances, and everybody flirts with Eli. With proof that everything is bigger in Texas.


Previous:  Episode 2.1, Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a proper erection bonus

In Episode 2.1, while we establish the Kelvin/Keefe, Judy/BJ, and Jesse/Amber conflicts of the season, Eli's old friend Junior stops by, and acts very much like an ex-lover.  They go out to dinner and beat up a tough.  Now we see the aftermath.

Title: "After I Leave, Savage Wolves will Come."  In Acts 20.29. Paul tells the Ephesians that after he leaves, savage wolves or false teachers will tear the flock apart. So, who is the wolf invading the Gemstones' lives?

Eli Gemstone indicted! Thaniel Block sits on the porch of his rental house in the South Carolina woods, reading some news stories from 1993: Gemstone Family Studios to close due to "a financial and rumors of  sexual scandals," with $4 million missing.  Another article: "Eli Gemstone indicted on charges of fraud and conspiracy." But Episode 2.5 takes place at Christmas 1993.  When did all this happen? Geezer Tim drops by to criticize him for living in New York and having a "nasty attitude." 

A Hot Piece of Tail: Judy and BJ visit Eli to ask him to officiate in BJ's baptism.  They find him asleep on the couch in the parlor. Junior enters and asks "Who's this hot piece of tail?"  He's actually looking at BJ, but Eli assumes that he means Judy and says that she is his daughter.  He apologizes and asks if BJ is her lesbian partner. BJ starts to answer, but Judy cuts him off: "He's big-dicking you."


There are several takeaways here.  First, Eli and Junior did not sleep together; Eli fell asleep on the couch. Weren't there any guest rooms in his mansion? 

Second, check out Junior's magenta bathrobe, jaunty hand on him, and pinky ring: he is deliberately presenting as queer.   

Third, Eli may have mentioned that one of his children is gay, and Junior forgot which.

Execretions and Hep C Loads:  After Junior heads to the kitchen to make coffee, Judy wants to know what's going on.  Eli tells her that "things got a little carried away last night," which she interprets to mean that they are having rough sex.  He grimaces in disgust, but plays along to mess with her.  

Her main criticism is that Junior is unattractive: "I always hoped that if you were gonna yank a pole, it would be someone hot."  So Judy has considered the possibility that Eli is bisexual for a long time. 

She states that the "hookup" signifies that Eli doesn't care about his family.  Remember that Jesse likewise complains that Kelvin "popping boners" with the muscle men is "selfish, not helping the family."  But it's not just gay sex; on this show, having a partner of any sort is framed as a betrayal.  The family is aghast when Judy wants to move off the Compound with BJ; Baby Billy is still hurt over his sister Aimee-Leigh "leaving him" to marry Eli.  

As they storm out, Judy cautions BJ to not touch anything, as there are probably execretions and Hep C loads everywhere.  This is a call back to Abraham leaving his semen everywhere in Jesse's house, plus an awareness that Hepatitus C can easily spread through anal sex, so it is particularly common in gay communities.

Good Sniffer Seats: After they leave, Eli joins Junior on the back patio, overlooking the reflecting pool that leads to Aimee-Leigh's shrine.  Eli invites him to church, but he worries about the cost.  Junior avers that he's been to enough strip joints to know that you have to pay for the "good sniffer seats."  I can't find the term "sniffer seat" defined anywhere, but I guess that it's a seat close enough to the stage to smell the performers.  There are male strip clubs, but he's probably referencing a lady's club, being a hetero horn dog, backing off from the implication of same-sex activity. 


But not entirely: Eli offers to reserve a good seat for him, and the guys hold hands!

On closer examination, it turns out to be a man and a woman holding hands. We have cut to a scene involving Jesse and Amber's marital advice group. But it is so abrupt that the misdirection must be intentional.  The man is even wearing a shirt the same color as Junior's robe.

After the group meeting, Matthew and Chad ask why Jesse's old crew isn't hanging out together anymore.  This is all marital stuff, heterosexual nuclear family stuff; what happened to the band of brothers, savage and free?  Gregory explains; "I love you guys, but happy wife, happy life." You must abandon same-sex loves for heterosexual destiny.

You Got a Hound Dog Here: Cut to Thaniel visiting the Salvation Center, where he admits that he has sexual-scandal dirt on Aimee-Leigh, gathered from household staff.  Well, at least Kelvin is off the hook.



The World's Most Famous Christian
: Next, Jesse and Amber visit the Lissons in Texas for a party to celebrate the proposed Zion's Landing resort. Joe Jonas, the World's Most Famous Christian, leads everyone in a line dance.  He proclaims his heterosexuality, singing about the "beautiful girls" he's been with while wearing a formless leopard robe and pink bandana, the antithesis of Kelvin's tiger jacket and porn-star-bulging jeans. Desire for women un-mans a man, renderng him soft and sickly; only in the manly love of comrads can a man be strong and free.


Keefe dances
: At church, they welcome those who have found God in the past month, including BJ. He has always been a non-believer before; it is unclear whether he has actually had a "born again" experience, or is just pretending to be accepted by the family.  

The welcome is framed as a heterosexual union, with Judy hugging BJ and Kelvin grudgingly hugging a female convert. He's disgusted by touching "females," even as part of his job.  Meanwhile, on a balcony far removed from the stage, Keefe leads the God Squad in a dance, invisible, ignored, forever cut off from heterosexual practice, forever cut off from the family.  

Nude Texas dudes after the break