Gemstones Episode 4.5, Continued: Kelvin crashes, the Monkey fumes, and we find out who is bigger, Adam Devine or Joey Stefano
Michael Cade: California Dreams, Chaplin, Devils, and That Chest. With a n*de Aaron and the Greek God Pan
My Date with Michael J. Fox. Plus Marcus and the Scary Bulgarian Bodybuilder.
Friday, July 5th: Two days after I arrive in West Hollywood, after my terrible year in Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas, I am sitting in the human resources department at Paramount Studios, waiting to interview for a job as an administrative assistant, when Marcus comes in to drop something off. He's my age, African-American, with very light skin, freckles, and a hairy chest. I get his phone number.
Saturday, July 6th: Our date, an inside tour of Paramount Studios (yes, we saw more stuff), followed by cruising at the Gold Coast and dinner at the French Quarter in West Hollywood. He came to Los Angeles to become an actor five years ago, and has had some guest spots in tv shows and movies.
"Do you know anyone famous?" I ask with tourist zeal.
"Nobody really famous. I mean, some guys on tv. Robin Williams. Tom Hulce. I know Michael J. Fox from acting class."
I'm not impressed. I've barely heard of Michael J. Fox -- he plays Alex P. Keaton, Reagan-loving son of liberal hippie parents on the sitcom Family Ties (1982-1989), But I've only seen the show a few times.
Marcus is a good kisser, with a nice physique and a respectable size. But he likes nude wrestling: I have to pin him before I can go down on him. Then he doesn't reciprocate, he just grabs me, puts me in sort of a headlock, and falls asleep. Not my idea of a romantic evening!
Saturday, July 20th: My first date with Ivo. I'm curious about Back to the Future, the new time travel comedy starring Michael J. Fox.
"No way, man!" Ivo exclaims. "That Mike Fox thinks he's a big deal, but he's terrible in bed. They should call him Princess Teeny-Tiny!"
Weird coincidence! I think. I've been in town less than a month, and already I've met two people who know Michael J. Fox, and one of them is his ex-lover!
Sunday, July 21st: I have brunch at the French Quarter with Marcus, and tell him about my date with Ivo.
"Strange," he says. "I'm completely out to Mike, and he's never said anything about being gay. Sounds like Ivo is one of these celebrity name-droppers who claims to have been with everyone from Harrison Ford to Arnold Schwarzeneggar."
"But he wasn't bragging. He got upset. He said Michael was bad in bed and should be called Princess Teeny-Tiny."

Ask Michael J. Fox about his size? I don't think so! But it would be fun to meet him.
I date Ivo three or four more times, but his stories become more and more bizarre.
Saturday, August 10th: The promised lunch with Marcus and Michael.
Marcus picks me up and drives me to a small, bare-brick cafe on Melrose. We are just ordering drinks when Michael comes in, wearing a white shirt, buttoned down to reveal a soft smooth chest, tight bulging jeans, and sunglasses.
He's my age, short, slim, androgynous The feminine teen idol type.

I feel a definite bulge pressing against me.
"So, are you guys together?" Michael asks as he scans the menu.
"No," Marcus says. "We dated once, but you know some guys can't handle ten inches."
"They just need a little practice, like that one night after acting class." He nudges Marcus affectionately.
"So..I was dating another guy who claimed to know you," I say. "Ivo the Bulgarian bodybuilder."
Michael frowns. "Doesn't ring a bell. But you know how it is, you get a tv show, and suddenly every guy you have ever said hello to claims to be your bosom buddy."
Riley Polanski: From Xanadu to Silverlake, with n*de photos and bonus Michael J. Fox
Instagram recommended another guy I never heard of: Riley Polanski. Be sure to include the -n, or you'll get a lot of ladies. I checked the IMDB to make sure he's an actor. But before looking at his work, let's check his Instagram to see if he is gay.
Over 150 posts, a lot of muscle-shots (nice swimmer's build), architecture, design, music. No girl-hugging in the first 100 or so, unless you look very carefully: notice the girl in the top photo on the far left, and just behind him next to the handbags in this photo.
Nicely decorated apartment, but if you look carefully, you'll see a framed 1960 ad from Christian Dior, with a swimsuit lady in the forground.
I pieced together a biography from the IMDB, Backstage, Facebook, and Linkedin. Riley was born in Pomona, California in 2000, and started acting when he was 10 years old: the Western 6- Guns (2010), starring 1980s staples Barry Van Dyke and Greg Evigan; Airline Disaster (2011), starring former Family Ties cast members Meredith Baxter-Birney and Scott Valentine; Baseball, Dennis, & the French (2011).
Left: In case you are interested, the first celebrity I met when I moved to Los Angeles was Michael J. Fox, who played Alex on "Family Ties."
We just had lunch, but I told my friends that it was an energetic hookup.
When he was a teenager, Riley had to put his career on hold due to "family illness." He still performed, in Mulan at the Claremont United Methodist Church (2015) and Xanadu at Claremont High School (2017), and he won second place at the California State Thesbian Festival.
He graduated from Claremont High in 2018 and enrolled in Pasadena City College. During the next two years, Riley worked as a production assistant on You're the Worst, with Stephen Schneider, and did a lot of acting, primarily in student films:
Worthless Words (USC): "A world where your words are controlled."
The Cup (St. Mary's University MFA): Two aspiring actors encounter a 1920s flapper.
Paz (Chapman University MFA): An abused girl finds strength in a spiritual connection.
Alice In/Somnia (2020): a girl in the Sleep waiting room has to deal with bureacracy.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Dan Shor: Tron, Star Trek, an Excellent Adventure, the South Pacific, and the Butt that Changed the World.
Sometime during the days of Blockbuster Video, we rented Strange Behavior (1981), mainly because the cover blurb said something about Galesburg, Illinois, which is near the Quad Cities.
It's got a silly plot about a crazed college professor named Dr. Le Sange (Dr. Blood), who mind-controls the town teenagers into blood-crazed monsters.
The focus character is named Pete Brady, which no doubt caused a lot of eye-rolls and derisive laughs in 1981: Viewers would instantly think of the kid from The Brady Bunch (Christopher Knight, who grew up into a muscle hunk.)
Born in New York in 1956, Dan Shor studied acting in England, then moved to Hollywood, where he landed small parts in some serious, "artistic" movies: Young Studs in an adaption of James T. Farrell's Studs Lonigan (1979).
Ansel Pierce: "Duster" Baby Face and "Euphoria" BIg Dick, with Rat Boy, Chubby Guy, and West Hollywood digressions
In Duster Episode 1.4, 1970s mob driver Jim Ellis (why not name him Duster?) and the boss's Probably Gay Son (Josh Holloway, Benjamin Charles Watson) are transporting Howard Hughes' car across the Arizona desert, when they almost crash into a car being driven by two guys who aren't named, so I'll call them Rat Boy (left) and Baby Face (right).
Jim/Duster and Probably Gay Son stop at Floyd's Gas and Go, and the guys follow. Ulp, their trunk is filled with guns, cables, ropes, and baseball bats embedded with spikes. They're baddies! While Jim/Duster is occupied with an unrelated assassination attempt, the Mormon missionary-baddies beat up the mechanic and the Probably Gay Son, and steal the car! Jim/Duster and his assassin-turned-ally track them down and kill them, Baby Face with a knife to his head (through an open car window while they're driving side by side), and Rat Boy with a shot in the back.
We learn no more about the characters, but I wanted to research the actors, especially Baby Face.
Rat Boy is played by Garrett Young, who has 13 acting credits on IMDB, including Timid Pimps, Other People's Heads (where he played a head), and Chicago Justice/Med/Fire.
As a stage actor, he has appeared in John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway, Clyde's, and The Oresteia.
His Instagram has the "no women," "a lot of hugging guys," and "world's best uncle" gay codes until you get to the very end, where there are a lot of photos of his wife and kid.
We've seen him before -- a lot of him. He is Ansel Wolf Pierce, best known as Caleb, a recurring character in Euphoria Season 2, and particularly for the house party scene in Episode 2.1: Cassie is hiding in the bathtub when he comes in and sits on the toilet, revealing a..Holy sh*t, that thing is huge! Noticing her, he apologizes: "You're really hot but I still gotta take a sh*t." She doesn't mind.
Bill Cable: 1980s nude model and gay porn performer, boyfriend of Elvira and Pee-Wee Herman, rock star in "Basic Instinct"
If you grew up in a heteronormative desert, like most gay boys in the 1970s, with nude and even shirtless guys vanishingly rare in magazines, movies, and tv, West Hollywood in the 1980s was a Paradise. You could buy a dozen glossy, full-color magazines aimed at gay men with every conceivable taste and interest:
You saw this guy everywhere, but probably didn't realize that Cable, Stoner, and Bigg John were all the same model. Now we know.
He was Bill Cable, born William Laurence Cumpanas in northern Indiana in 1946. His grandparents were from Dalmatia (now part of Croatia), and he grew up with a strong sense of his Croatian identity,
He also appeared in straight porn pictorials, mainstream fashion ads, and the influential After Dark magazine. And in gay postcards, which you bought with no intention of actually mailing.
Bill's movie career began with a non-speaking role as a leatherman with a whip in the gay porn Bijou (1972). Next came some collaborations with straight pornographer Carlos Tobalina: Last Tango in Acapulco (1973), Jungle Blue (1978), and Flesh and Bullets (1985).
More after the break
David Pevsner: Quasi-homophobic roles, older gay guy roles, gay theater, lots of Pevsner penis pics. Did I mention that he's gay?
This photo of someone named David Pevsner popped up on my "n*de celebrity" feed. I never heard of him, but when I checked the IMDB, I found 57 acting credits, with a lot of gay-themed projects.
A casting agent in The Fluffer (2001): a young man employed as a fluffer (keeping the adult actors aroused) falls for "a gay-for-pay porn star whose hedonistic lifestyle may lead them both to destruction." Yuck, more gay-as-sleaze homophobia. I'll be he gets redeemed through a heterosexual romance.
"Man in Hospital" in Adam & Steve (2005): Adam and his girlfriend are at a pub, when he sees a male dancer, Steve, and decides to hook up. Years later, he meets Steve again, now a psychiatrist, and they start a new relationship. Meanwhile, the ex-girlfriend starts dating Steve's roommate. It's on Pluto only, so I can't get to it, but according to the reviews, there's some homophobic hate crime, people being horrified at seeing a gay couple (in 2005 New York), stereotyping, gross-out humor, and a whimpering dog.
A gay pe dophile child abductor in a 2006 episode of Criminal Minds (with Daryl Sabara as a teen with a precursor of a gay OnlyFans page).
A lot of gay roles, but not positive ones. I don't know if this guy is gay or a blistering homophobe, or both.
A starring role in The Real Life (2007), about a life coach (David) who gets his own reality tv show, and becomes "addicted to fame." Not available to stream anywhere.
Lez Be Friends (2007), two episodes of a tv pilot repackaged as a movie: A lesbian must pretend to be straight so her lesbian-phobic landlord will allow her and her gay bff to move in with a gay guy. So the dude is fine with gay men, but not lesbians? Or does he think that gay people all hook up with each other, regardless of gender? The first episode sets up the premise, and the second is about a crab infestation. David plays Duke, not one of the roommates. Not available to stream.
A pornography professor in Pornography: A Thriller (2009).
Role Play (2010): A recently outed soap star begins a relationship with a "recently divorced gay marriage activist," and there's something about fame. At least nobody dies. David plays Alex, the resort owner.
The IMDB goes on like that, with guest spots in gay-themed movies and tv shows, some quasi-homophobic. I'm going to move up to the tv series where David has more substantial roles.
Tardust in 10 episodes of We're Alive: A Story of Survival, a podcast about a zombie apocalypse.
The Host in 7 episodes of Disorganized Zone, a Twilight zone parody.
27 episodes of Old Dogs & New Tricks (2011-20), a webseries about four middle-aged gay men living in "youth-obsessed West Hollywood": Leon Acord as a talent agent, Curt Bonem as singer who peaked in the 1980s, David as an actor who peaked in the 1990s, and Jeffrey Patrick Olson as a personal trainer
Scrooge in Scrooge & Marley (2012), a gay retake of Dickens' Christmas Carol. The "bah! humbug!" dude is mourning his dead partner (Tim Kazurinski), learns the Spirit of Christmas, and helps his nephew get a boyfriend. And the ghosts are rather...um, festive.
It's on Tubi. Maybe I'll review it next Christmas.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
The cringe cock of "Angels and Insects"
I don't usually use the contemporary term "cringe" as an adjective. It's from a later generation, so it feels weird, but it is completely appropriate to describe the famous penis scene in Angels and Insects (1995).
Everyone in West Hollywood saw Angels and Insects when it premiered, due to the rumor of the penis. Male frontal nudity was vanishingly rare in mainstream movies in the 1990s, and rumor had it that this guy was actually aroused!
After 30 years, I've forgotten everything about the movie except for the cringe penis and people actually being insects, so I looked up a plot synopsis.
In Victorian England, entomologist William Addison (Mark Rylance, top photo) gets a job cataloging the insect collection of baronet Sir Harold Alabaster (Jeremy Kemp).
The name Alabaster makes me cringe.
When you search for n*de photosof Jeremy Kemp, this pops up. I doubt that it's the same one.
Yes, I'm stalling.
William, of course, falls in love with Sir Harold's daughter Eugenia, an insect-obsessed young lady who dresses like a bug. Actually, all of the women do, for a symbolic reason that I don't quite understand, but the movie won an Oscar for best costumes.
Eugenia and William get married and have some kids, but he is bewildered by her bedroom behavior, coldly rejecting him one moment and being voracious the next, so he starts an affair with a servant girl named Matty.
Left: Mark Rylance has shown his d*k on screen several times, but in this movie he just gets aroused under the sheets.
More after the break, including the cringe p*enis
"This F*king Town": This f*king gay-free Hollywood. But I included some celebs that I hooked up with...I mean met.
Whilc looking at Tony Cavalero's work on the IMDB, I found This Fucking Town, a TV short about "actors looking for love and work in L.A." When I lived in West Hollywood, about half my friends were "actors looking for love and work" so I tried to check it out. But it didn't seem to exist. Tubi and Roku advertised it, but "content isn't available." A rave revew made it sound like an entire web series, not just a short, but the links provided led to "content unavailable."
Finally I found it as a movie on Amazon Prime, and rented it out of sheer frustration.
It starts out ok, with Mark (Michael Mark Friedman) flexing and Jeremy (Gregory Hoyt, left) dancing in his underwear, displaying a sizeable bulge. They meet up.
Heading to a party, Jeremy is worried meeting someone new: they always dump him the moment they discover that he has a huge penis. Really?
At the party, Jeremy runs into his ex, Caitlin, who thinks all actors are pathetic losers. She took a witchcraft class and put a spell on him, to ensure that he will never find work (conicidentally, Tony Cavalero's wife Annie is a magic practitioner).
Jeremy sneers that her new guy, Brett (Tony Cavalero), is an actor, too, but Caitlin counters that he's a personal trainer. "So you hold people's feet while they do sit-ups!". Brett stomps off.
That's all for Tony: one word.
Then the movie turns into a soap opera about heterosexual relationships, with six lengthy kissing scenes amid discussions of auditions and roles. No more beefcake, and no LGBT people exist. Ugh!
Believe me, life in West Hollywood was a lot more fun than this short/ web series/ movie suggests. Gay men definitely existed. And celebrities. Ten days after I arrived, I was having lunch with Michael J. Fox.