The Weird World of Gumball: Definitely weird, but is it adequately gay? With Jordan's junk, Kwesi's cock, and Alkaio Thiele

 

After identifying Alkaio Thiele of Wizards Beyond Waverly Place as probably gay due to his many male friends, his romance with Kayden Koshelev, and...well, just look at him, prancing with his mom (the butch one)... I've been going through his work, looking for gay subtexts. 

Left: I don't have any n*de photos of Alkaio, since he's under 18, but here's a random Greek guy.

 He is currently the star of The Wonderfully Weird World of Gumball (2025-), the latest in the franchise of animated series featuring a catlike being (Alkaio) and his adopted brother, the evolved goldfish Darwin (Hero Hunter).  They have ordinary middle school adventures in a world populated by an assortment of humanoids, animals, inanimate objects, gods, and spirits drawn in various conflicting styles.

Fans have been claiming that the new series is "super gay" and "insanely gay."  and pointing specifically to Episodes 1.13, "The Letter," and 2.8, "The Diary."  So let's take a look.

Episode 1.13, Scene 1: After school, Darwin is cheerful; Gumball is suspicious.  Finally he comes clean: He wrote his girlfriend Carrie (right) a love letter, and he's going to slip it in her locker.

"But Carrie is a cursed specter from the Underworld. She might not approve of love."

Then the ghost-being Carrie and her friend Penny, a glowing peanut, appear.  Gumball and Penny rub their faces over each other and smoochy-woochy. Two boy-girl romances.  It's not looking good for the "insanely gay" advocates.

Ghost-being Carrie icks.  She explains that she's dead inside, so she finds physical displays of affection "cringy and gross."  That's why she and Darwin get along so well -- he's not "a mewling puddle of mush."  

Uh-oh, she opens her locker, and her monster-knapsack absorbs Darwin's love letter!  

"But what if you get a cute 'I wuv you' letter?" Darwin asks, grasping at straws.

She possesses Gumball and makes him announce that the dead are deprived of love, so when a ghost hears "I love you," even when addressed to someone else, the hunger makes them lose control and devour your soul.  So is it that you don't like physical affection, or you don't like romantic love?  Make up your mind, lady.

Scene 2: At lunch, Ghost Carrie, Peanut Penny, and a cloud-being are discussing the circumstances under which a boy might say "I love you" and not get eaten. They specify a boy, assuming that all romances are boy-girl.  Things are not looking good.  

Gumball sneaks under the table, where the monster-knapsack eats him.  But it spits him out, and he brings the letter with him, along with Ghost Carrie's book of magic, which they can use to destroy it.

Scene 3: Gumball can't read the arcane language, so he tries conjuring at random.  First, a refrigerator.  Then a love spell. Gumball already loves Darwin, but "You really look like a snack right now." Ok, a reference to same-sex desire.

The dimwits finally realize that they could just throw the letter away, but as they toss, the giant ape Hector Jotunheim jumps in front of them, and it ends up in his backpack. Now he'll think that Darwin is in love with him!

Scene 4: Gumball suggests that "a sweet and chill partner" like the Giant Ape is a better match than an emo ghost, but Darwin insists that he loves only Ghost Carrie.  He doesn't assume that Darwin's romantic partners can only be girls. 

Whoops, the Giant Ape returns the letter -- during class --- and the teacher forces Darwin to read it aloud.  Now Carrie will know the truth! 

Wait, it's not his letter after all!  It's from the Giant Ape, explaining that he is not romantically interested: "I've tried dating people your size before, and I've been hurt."  Chances are they'll be hurt, too. Giant Apes have giant....you know.

Scene 5: Uh-oh, Carrie thinks that Darwin was trying to cheat on her with the Giant Ape and goes berserk, turning the hallways into a Lovecraftian hellzone, with eyes and tentacles everywhere.  Darwin tries to explain that the Giant Ape was responding to a letter to her, but instead of saying "I love you," he says "Eat my face."

Carrie rushes back into the school, possesses Gumball, and returns to kiss him.  "Thank you for understanding," Carrie/Gumball says.  They hug, and Carrie lets Gumball go.

Gumball is happy that he could help his friend, and imagines being there for him "all day, every day."  Well, maybe not all day, like on his wedding... he retches at the thought of watching Darwin's wedding night.  The end.

Gay Representation: Various allusions to people being pansexual, and no disgust over same-sex acts, but the main romance is between Darwin and Carrie. B+

Left: Another random Greek guy.

The diary and n*de black guys after the break

Kayden Koshelev: Alkaio's Other Half plays a zombie, a drag boy, and a nonbinary firefighter. With Dornan and twink d*cks

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Recker Eans: The gaydar boy on "Beyond Waverly Place" drums in gay-friendly videos, but is he gay or an ally? With bandmate dicks

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Alkaio Thiele: A Waverly Place wizard, a gay boy, Spiderman, and the Devil. With some Greek dicks and photos that tell you if he is....

The Disney Channel teencom Wizards of Waverly Place (2007-12) about a family of wizards, gave us a bear dad (David DeLuise), hunky sons Justin (David Henrie, left) and Max (Jake T. Austin), some hunky friends (Dan Benson, Gregg Sulkin), a bisexual daughter, and a huge number of gay subtexts (in spite of the heteronormative erasure in the scripts) .  

The sequel, Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2024-26), features eldest son Justin as a middle school vice principal, charged by the Wizard Council with protecting the Chosen One, while raising his newly-wizardized sons, Roman  (Alkaio Thiele, right) and Milo (Max Matenko).

Alkaio Thiele, 15 as of this writing, plays son Roman with the standard teencom hetero-horniness, but checking his Instagram and Facebook pages, I see hints of gay potential.

1. An interest in muscular physiques.  He posts lots of photos of muscular co-stars, and at least three where he is wearing a muscle suit.

2. A drag piece where he  is playing himself and his mother at the same time.

Wait -- that's his actual mother.  I checked her Instagram and Facebook pages: masculine presentation, she/her pronouns, married to a man, two children.  Previously a nurse, now Alkaio's manager.  Kudos on your gender fluidity, Mom!  

What are they up to?  It looks like she is removing a hair net from his head.

3. This photo. No comment.

Alkaio grew up (rather, is growing up) in Castro Valley, near Hayward in the East Bay, 27 miles from the gay neighborhood of Castro Street in San Francisco.  

He is of Greek ancestry.  Alkaios, "Strength," was the son of Perseus and Andromeda, an ancestor of Hercules.

Left: a random Greek guy.

 Alkaio began his career in musical theater, playing:

The Artful Dodger in Oliver!

Peter in Peter Pan and Wendy

Sam, a preteen with a girlfriend, in Love Actually Live.

Applegate, the Devil in disguise, in Damn Yankees.

Harold Hill in The Music Man

Two gay-subtext roles.  Not bad.

More after the break

Pablo the Penguin's penis: Jake Goldberg from "Backyardigans" and "Grown Ups" grows up to corporate, cooking, and some cock shots

 

Remember Pablo?  He was one of the backyard buddies on Nick Junior's Backyardigans (2004-2013) a high-strung, frenetic blue penguin best-buddying with the laid-back orange moose Tyrone.  Their friends included Tasha, a yellow hippopotamus best-buddying with the tomboy Uniqua, who has no animal species; and Austin, a purple kangaroo. 

Contrary to what commentators believe, gayness doesn't suddenly appear when you see your first drag queen. You are gay as a preschooler.  You may not be interested in physical intimacy yet, but you find some people and not others attractive, and form romantic bonds, early on.  In Backyardigans, Pablo and Tyrone were queer coded, although Pablo is more often paired with Austin on Archive of Our Own. 

A decade later, Nicholas Barasch, who played Austin in 20 episodes (2009-13), showed his physique on Riverdale.

Leon Thomas III, who played Tyrone in 25 episodes (2006-09), gave us a butt shot on Insecure.

 But Jake Goldberg, a long running Pablo (60 episodes, 2006-13), has given us one better: shots of his penis. 

Born in 1996, Jake grew up in New York, except for five years spent in Israel.  As a child and teenager, he appeared in episodes of 3D Rock, Law and Order: SVU, and Bull, and he played Adam Sandler's son in Grown Ups (2010) and Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Jake is second from the left.  Notice David Henrie of Wizards of Waverly Place on the right.

.   

His character crushes on girls, but also buddy-bond (and gets naked) with Nadji Jeter as Chris Rock's son. He was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award, which may have turned him off acting as a career choice.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Mark Haynes: Psycho-slasher, leather daddy, singer, translator, pec fan. With Mark and bonus David Deluise dicks

Mark Haynes has like 300 hot/hung pictures online, so I was going to do a hot/hung photo ollection, but the post is geting so few page views that I switched to a regular profile.

Mark grew up in York, Pennsylvania, and now lives in Burlington County, New Jersey, about 30 miles from Philadelphia.  He has tried a number of career paths, including hairdresser, bodybuilder bodyguard, model, translator, and personal trainer.

Left: modeling.

As Mark Intocable, he is also singer.  Spotify lists a lot of his singles, including "Take Me Back," "Drag Me Down," and "I am a Goth."  

"My Monster" is about a monster who pops up in the middle of the night when he's trying to sleep, or when he gets up to pee, "he's looking at me," saying "I control you, you do what I say."  Of course we all know what he's referring to.

He also films erotic wrestling videos under the stage name Mark Muscle.

But Mark's main interest is in stunt work, especially choreographing fights and action scenes.  He has doubled for Dave Bautista in several movies, as well as for Florian Munteanu, Travis Kelcem and Victor Drago

For stunting he prefers fight scenes, but for acting he prefers gay characters.

His gay roles include:

High Town (2020): Leather Daddy #3,  helped his fellow leather daddies beat up a drug dealer for making homophobic comments.

Bros (2022) was advertised as the first mainstream, non-niche movie by a major studio, "with an all-gay cast" and a plotline about a couple (Billy Eichner, Luke McFarlane) falling in love in spite of career problems.  It did not perform well, as heterosexuals were mostly afraid to see it, and LGBT people had already seen a hundred movies with the same plot.  Mark played a Rowdy Bear during a bar scene.

Intimacy Workshop (2022): A short featuring group of men gather for "a symposium on the art of human connection."

Turning Teddy (2023), a tv series about a straight guy (Jamal King) who falls in love with an action-adventure star, "even though he likes women." Um...no big mystery there.  It's called being bisexual. 

Mark's most recent "gay" role is in Stream (2024), with Tim Curry as a hotel manager who sends masked Players out to kill his guests.  He plays Player 4, with little character development except that he only targets men: the foreign tourist Louis (Andrew Rogers), retired cop Bernard (Tim Reid),  and family man Roy (Charles Edwin Powell)

You can get Player 4 cutouts and action figures at fan conventions.

More Mark after the break

David Henrie: The Wizard of Waverly Place re-wizards, but is he as gay-friendly and naked as his costars?

I thought lightning might strike twice, or rather five times. The Wizards of Waverly Place, which ran on the Disney Channel from 2007 to 2012, featured countless gay subtexts and about a dozen beefcake hunks who have gone on to a gay-positive adulthood.

Gregg Sulkin, left, displays his biceps and bulge in gay magazines.

Jake T. Austin starred in the gay-friendly The Fosters.

Dan Benson runs a gay-friendly OnlyFans page, where he reviews adult products and shows his dick.

Selena Gomez is "mostly straight," and reveals that her character, Alex Russo, was bisexual, but the Disney censors wouldn't let them say so.

David DeLuise is a gay ally who has a j/o video online -- after the break.

So what about David Henrie, who played eldest wizard in the family, Justin Russo?

Since Wizards, he has done a lot of voice work, and had minor roles in movies: 

Lane in Paul Blart, Mall Cop

Rudy Isling -- Walt Disney's competitor -- in Walt Before Mickey.

Clean Cut Man in Cardboard Boxer, about a homeless man who is forced into cage matches.

Sebastian in This is the Year, about a teen road trip.  David also directed, and his brother Lorenzo Henrie starred.  

The Young Ronald Reagan in a 2024 biopic.  Ugh.

Six episodes of Underdeveloped, a mockumentary about inept producers.

No gay content here.

 

David is now starring in Wizards Beyond Waverly Place:  Justin Russo gave up his wizard powers so he could marry a mortal woman.  Wait -- weren't his parents a mortal and a wizard?    Now he's a middle school vice principal with a wife and two sons, wearing an annoyingly overstated wedding ring that he flaunts around like a newly-engaged schoolgirl.

Trouble begins when he and his wife must become the foster parents to a girl who was raised in the wizard world.  And by the way, the fate of the universe is in her hands.

I watched two episodes -- awful.  No beefcake, no gay subtexts, except that Justin's son, played by Alkaio Thiele, doesn't mention an interest in girls.  A Redditer thinks that he will come out as gay eventually, but he'll have to get past his Dad first.

Is David at least gay-friendly in real life?  

Answer after the break. Caution: explicit.

Daniel Benson: The gay-vague Disney Channel teen hunk finds a new career showing gay guys his dick

 

You may see a hundred dicks a day, in porn or real life, but there's a unique pleasure to seeing one of your childhood fave raves grow up, bulk up, and post pics of his penis. It's like solving a mystery: now we know what he was packing all along.

Dan Benson became a fave rave on The Wizards of Waverly Place, a gay-subtext heavy Disney Channel teencom about a family of wizards who have to keep their secret from the world.

Dan (in the back) played Zeke, the goofy best friend of teenage son Justin Russo, although later he started hanging out with younger son Max instead.  He displayed no heterosexual interest until later seasons ,when Disney suits got worried about the barely-hidden gay subtexts and gave him a girlfriend.

There were so many gay subtexts on Wizards that Dan's stories tended to get lost.  And bulking up didn't help to differentiate him: every single male character was a muscle-hunk. So fans tended to forget about him.

After Wizards, Dan appeared in an episode of Smoky Knights and its spin-off Killing Diaz,  and voiced Ethan, the on-off boyfriend of Summer in Rick and Morty. Then he was stung by an invasion of his privacy.

Turns out that some fans didn't forget him after all: during Wizards, "attractive women" kept asking for nude photos and videos, which he obligingly sent.  Then he found them posted on the internet!  He told E Online that it was a "pretty traumatic experience."  He became obsessed with taking them down, and retired from acting altogether.

But then he thought, "Why not?  If people want to see my penis, why not show them?  For a fee, of course."  He changed to the grown-up sounding Daniel Benson, and started an OnlyFans page, with subscriptions running at $20 per month.  He not only shows his dick, he reviews adult products, like this dildo.

And a penis-shaped waffle.

More Dan after the break. Note: the explicit pictures are samples that Dan posted to advertise his pay site.

"The Fosters": Twelve hunks and hunkoids, all grown up. With a few grown-up dicks

The Fosters (2013-2018) was a groundbreaking drama on ABC Family, now on Netflix, about a lesbian couple (Stef and Lena) with five children, biological, adopted, and foster (Brandon, Jesus, Jude, Callie, Mariana). The Fosters have foster children, har har 

But it wasn't all sunlight and diversity. Actually, it wasn't sunlight at all. I never watched -- I don't do tragedy -- but the episode synopses sound grim. There were drinking problems, psychological problems, incurable diseases, deaths, homophobic hate crimes, custody battles...like a live-action Howard Cruse comic.   But for many viewers, the remarkably open gay content was worth being depressed.

Besides, there are endless teenage boys with their shirts off to draw in the gay boys and straight girls. I'm checking to see if there were any adult hunks in the crowd, or if any of Fosters Fave Raves have grown up.

1. David Lambert:  Brandon, the oldest son in the family. an aspiring pianist whose dreams are dashed when an injury paralyzes his hand.  He also becomes the victim of statutory rape by hooking up with his father's girlfriend.

The adult Lambert shows his butt while sexing a girl in The Lifeguard.

2. Danny Nucci: Mike, Brandon's biological father, a cop who has a drinking problem, shot an unarmed suspect, and has a girlfriend who hooks up with Brandon.

Nucci butt

3. Tom Williamson: AJ, Mike's foster son.  When does Mike find the time to be a foster parent?

4. Jake T. Austin: Jesus, the second son, who has Attention-Deficit Disorder.

5. Brandon Quinn: Gabe, Jesus' biological father, who didn't tell Jesus because he didn't want the boy to know he's a registered sex offender.

6. Hadyn Byerly: Jude, the youngest son, who becomes mute in angst over coming out as gay (with lesbian parents?), but eventually learns to accept himself and starts dating, with probably the youngest same-sex kiss on television.







More bulges and bods after the break.  Warning: explicit.