I've posted dozens of more-or-less accurate autobiographical stories here and on Tales of West Hollywood, moving from my fundamentalist Nazarene childhood through high school, figuring it out, college, grad school at Indiana University, a horrible year in...ugh...Texas, and on to the heart of the Gay World. Some of the stories are minimal -- I was trying to cover every gay hint, boyfriend, hookup, and sausage sighting -- but some are well-written, insightful, humorous, and occasionally erotic. Here are my 24 favorites.
Childhood
The Face of Pure Evil. The Old Lady Schoolteachers' grandson, who may not have looked like this, rescues me from the Maniac who stalks the hallways of Denkmann Elementary School.
The Answer to the Naked Man's Question. A psychedelic Alice in Wonderland on tv on a golden afternoon, and a naked man who asks a question that I still can't answer.
Comic Books and Cocks at the Furniture Store. Cousin Buster pranks me by claiming that you can get comic books at the furniture store -- and the delivery guys take off their shirts. And sometimes their pants.
Grandpa Prater's Banjo On the day after Christmas, Cousin Buster and I sneak into Grandpa Prater's room to borrow his banjo.
My Wild Night: Pancakes, Massage, and a Wiener. I broke like six of my parents' rules that night, and was grounded for two weeks. But at least I got to feel a...
High School
On My Knees in a Cute Guy's Bedroom. When we went on vacation, we had to go to a local church, where they mistook us for sinners and tried inept soul-winning lines. But once it worked to my advantage: A cute boy invited me to his bedroom "to pray."
The Preacher Pops a Boner. Our Bible College invited prospective students to a weekend of campus tours, ball games, nature hikes, classroom visits -- and the boys' dorm lounge, where the only couch invisible to the monitor got quite busy.
Augustana College
The First Gay Rights March in Iowa. Passersby pull their friends out of stores to gawk. The police watch closely, eager to arrest us if we happen to touch another marcher's hand
I Cheat on My Boyfriend with a Goblin. The Goblin's name is Dale Schafer-Shit. But Fred was cheating with him first. Every friggin' day.
Sharing a Bed with Mary's Brother. My friend Mary invites me to her horrible house in the suburbs for spring break. But at least I get to share a bed with a cute bo.
More after the break
Indiana University
My First Visit to an Adult Bookstore. 40,000 students, all straight (as far as I know). A library with millions of books, two on "homosexuality." No gay student clubs, no gay bars. But there was an adult bookstore.
The Halloween Homophobe. Who invites their homophobic friend to a gay party, in the days when everybody has to stay closeted?
The Worst Place in the World
My Date with Two Brothers and their Dad. One was straight, the other was into tricking, and Dad was asleep in the next room.
West Hollywood
My date with Michael J. Fox. Three weeks after I arrive in the Gay World, I'm having lunch with the star of Family Ties and Back to the Future.
A Date with Kris leads to Christopher Atkins' Dick. I met a lot of celebrities in West Hollywood, but my favorite is Christopher Atkins. Nice guy. And I saw it.
Hung Harvey. I hooked up with several celebrities in West Hollywood, but my favorite is the boyfriend of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Sharing My Celebrity Boyfriend, the Director, and the Cute Young Thing. The darn celebrity is still closeted, so I can't give his name, but it's not hard to figure out.
Alan's Arrest: the vice cop, the gay basher, or the high school boy? The Pentecostal porn star tells us three stories of his past hookups. We have to guess which incident led to his arrest.
Alan's Gift from Beyond the Grave. The Pentecostal porn star left me something in his will. I have to go to Ocracoke Island to pick it up.
San Francisco and Later
Trying to Find a Quet Night in Gay Heaven. Living in Gay Heaven is exhausting. One Friday night, I just wanted to stay home and watch tv.
How Matt began renting himself out. Matt moved directly from Harvard Yard to Fred's bed. When they broke up, he found himself with no marketable skills and a lovely tush.
Desperately seeking Kevin the Vampire. Visitng my friend David in San Francisco, I want to look up my old boyfriend-sort-of, Kevin the Vampire. The problem: Kevin has magical powers. If he's not expecting you, he's invisible.
The Gay Painting in My Grandma's Room. Later it's moved to my parents' home gym, where Yuri recognizes it.
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