"The Borough": A spider-monster, Stepford smiles, and elderly hunks in a desert retirement community. With Begley butt and silver fox cock

 Who can resist an old guy?  A silver fox, 50 or 60 or 70, with the tight toned body that comes from spending every day at the gym, decades of experience in putting his dick in all the right places, and a huge disposable income  ("I'm going to China next week.  Want me to bring you anything?" ) . So I'm looking forward to The Boroughs, a new Netflix series about paranormal shenanigans in a creepy retirement community.  There will probably be an elderly gay couple hanging around, and there will certainly be a lot of elderly beefcake.  

Scene 1: A creepy cul-de-sac of ranch-style houses, surrounded by desert, with a mountain in the background.  We zoom into one, where an elderly lady (Dee Wallace of The Stepford Wives) is eating a tv  dinner and watching Jeopardy.  She facetimes her husband Edward  (Ed Begley Jr.) at the Manor.  He wants to come home, but she won't permit it.  He says "The owls are in the walls."  

Ed Begley Jr. played the physics professor mentor on Young Sheldon, starring gay actor Iain Armitage. 

She falls asleep watching The Golden Girls.  Suddenly the tv turns itself off, and scary tentacles creep down the walls. A monster attacks!  And I thought Edward at the Manor was facing paranormal.

Scene 2: A lady and her husband Neill (Rafael Casal) drive through the badlands.  In the back seat, we see her elderly dad, teenage daughter, and early teen son Cody.

Left: Eldon Jones (Cody) at Albuquerque Pride. Notice the rainbow flag and beads.  As you read the rest of the review, return to this photo as often as you need to.  While writing, I returned to it a lot.

 They arrive at a guard house in the middle of the desert, with nothing around, and tell the guard that grandpa, Sam Cooper, is moving in today.

"Welcome to the Boroughs,, where you'll have the time of your life."

Grandpa (flatly): "Ironic slogan for a place people come to die."

They cross the town square, full of grinning oldsters, and on to the isolated cul-de-sac.  Movers are already putting his furniture in, plus whatever was left behind by the last resident -- the lady who was eaten.  Her husband is still in an assisted care facility.

Their AI assistant, Seraphim, asks "What can I do to make your day more enjoyable?"  Grandpa isn't having it; he pulls the darn device out of the wall.  Back Story: His wife wanted to move to the Boroughs, but she recently died, and he doesn't want to be in a square coffin by himself. 

Daughter suggests that if he really hates it there, he could come live with them.  No, their place is too small.  Besides, he sunk all of his money into this retirement community, and signed a contract.  He's stuck.

Grandpa is played by Alfred Molina, seen here as the murdered boyfriend of playrwright Joe Orton in Prick Up Your Ears (1987). 

Scene 3: As Grandpa unpacks, he sees a commercial featuring the CEO of the community.  Maybe if he asks nicely -- or angrily -- the guy in charge could release him from his contract and return some of his money.

Next door neighbor Jack drops by with a "welcome wagon" six-pack of beer. He starts spewing about his golf game, sleep apnea, "touch of the gout," and difficulty  maintaining his goal of sexing ladies every night. Girls, girls, girls! Heterosexual identity established at Minute 13.  Finally he invites Grandpa to a neighborhood barbecue.  "No thanks, I hate barbecues.  And people.  And...well, just about everything."

Left: Jack is played by Bill Pullman, known for his underwear scene (and testicle torture) in The Serpent and the Rainbow

Scene 4: Grandpa awakens in bed with his wife (Jane Kaczmarek).  I thought she was dead?  They hug, kiss, close-up hold hands (so you can see their wedding rings), and discuss their plans for the day (gender polarized shopping/working on the car).   It goes on and on, and becomes more and more soppy-maudlin.  Is this a dream, or is an evil succubus trying to control him?

Jane Kaczmarek played the Mom on "Malcolm in the Middle" and the 2026 sequel "Life's Still Unfair," which has gay and nonbinary characters.

It was a dream: Grandpa awakens to revving - the Girl Next Door (Geena Davis) trying to get her car started. 

The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in the Media sponsors research on female and LGBTQ representation.

  There's also an old guy doing tai chi, which disgusts Grandpa.  You basically hate everyone, don't you?  Oh, wait, you already told us that.

Scene 5: Tai Chi Guy (Clarke Peters) goes into the house, where his wife (Alfre Woodard)  has intel on the new guy.    So, is she in charge of the nefarious plot?  No, she's just a retired reporter, passing the time with social media stalking.   I'd better get some nefarious plot soon, or I'm leaving.  

Grandpa goes to the company headquarters, a huge building with a giant atrium.  Apparently this community is much more extensive than the isolated cul-de-sac we've seen so far.  The receptionist tells him that the CEO is out today.  

Suddenly he flashes back, or has a new memory, of yelling at his wife for picking up the wrong kind of onions.  She calms him down, they dance, things get sickening, with lots of smooching and fast-forwarding  -- and suddenly he's back at headquarters.  He wonders if he's going crazy.

Scene 6: Two security guards, Hank and Paz (Eric Edelstein, Carlos Miranda), are sent to the Community Center, where the Girl Next Door is teaching an art class.  She complains that a bag of rose quartz has been stolen, but they don't want to report it.  Head Guard Hank warns that if she insists, they'll claim that she's losing her memory, and should be sent to the dreaded Manor.  

Scene 7: That night, Grandpa falls asleep on the couch watching an old movie.  In the morning, he's awakened by the revving of the Girl Next Door's car.  He fixes it for her, but won't say "You're welcome" in exchange for her "Thank you."  So she yells at him.

Back in the house, he finds Edward, from Scene 1 (the one whose wife was eaten).  He yells that the owl is in the wall, blames Grandpa for taking away his wife, and attacks.  After subduing him, Grandpa wants to call the police, but the security guards explain that this is unconsolidated territory, with just a sheriff, so for most things they depend on security.  And the CEO wants to talk to him.

More after the break

"Surreal Estate," Episode 1.1: Realtor and his scoobies investigate haunted houses, with gay characters and a lot of n*de Matt Whites

  

Surreal Estate (2021-23), on Hulu, appeared on Reddit about shows with "normalized" LGBT characters, not struggling to come out or fighting homophobia.  None of the episode synopses suggest gay characters, and the icon shows a man and a woman, but here goes, Episode 1.1

Scene 1: Night. A man in a 1940s detective costume walks through a thunderstorm to a creepy house. The sign says "For Sale by Owner." 

Inside, it's too dark to see much, but a woman in a bathrobe seems to be reading an antique book on human anatomy.   She gets scared when the surgeon in a photograph seems to be grinning evilly at her.  Suddenly the room catches on fire (at least we can see something now).  She runs outside, but runs into the Old Fashioned Man.  

Psych!  He's not the ghost of a 1940s detective, he just dresses like one: Luke Roman (Tim Rozon of Schitt's Creek), interested in the house.  So call in advance?  

She hugs him: "The house wants to kill me!"  That's every home owner's complaint, girl.

He can help with that.  They gaze into each other's eyes.  I'll be they start dating, and she joins the paranormal real estate team.

Scene 2: At Shirley's Diner, still too dark to see much, Homeowner Megan, says that her fiancé is coming to pick her up.  Don't you hate it when they mention a boyfriend halfway through the date?

Luke shows her a video about his company, SMEP, Specialists in Metaphysically-Engaged Properties, those with a market value depreciation due a tragedy occuring there.  Sometimes they are haunted, sometimes not, but the rumor makes it lose 37% of its market value and takes 317% longer to sell. 

Megan's swishy boyfriend Brock (Matt White) flounces in with a teeth-click, a flamboyant wave of his umbrella, and a "What up, Girlfriend?"  Shouldn't be too hard to convince him to be true to himself, so you can have Megan for yourself.  

Matt White has nine acting credits on IMDB, including six shorts,and three walk-ons.  This may not be the right one, but there are lots of other Matt Whites to choose from: a baseball player, a football player, an artist,  a musician, a comedian, and a billionaire.

Left: Matt White d*ck

Scene 3: At the agency, Luke tells his scoobies, two men and a woman, about the case.  Homeowner Megan is a medical student who inherited the haunted house from her grandfather.  Swishy boyfriend lives with her (in his own room, I assume).  

On to otheir other case, a house with a poltergeist. It came out clean: no entities.  But Rita, the Evil Realtor who hired them, insists that things were flying around.  Nobody wants to confront her because she's so evil, so they get the New Girl to do it: a ringer who got $10 million in sales at her last agency.  

Introductions:

Father Phil (Adam Korson, right), a defrocked priest with nice biceps, does the background checks and due diligence.

More after the break

M. Emmet Walsh: Daddy who didn't mind showing his dick. With bonus old guy hotness

 

 M. Emmet Walsh enjoyed one of the longest and most acclaimed careers in Hollywood.  On screen since 1968, Walsh appeared in some of the most iconic films of the 20th century,  including Midnight Cowboy, Alice's Restaurant, and Little Big Man, as well as some of the most beloved tv programs: The Waltons, The Rockford Files, All in the Family, Bonanza.

He grew up in Swanton, Vermont, a few miles from the Canadian border and graduated from Tilton High School in 1954.  His page in the yearbook says that his nickname is "Creep," he "lives with the Gus," and he played football and basketball. So who is this Gus, your boyfriend?

 After studying business administration at Clarkson University (where he roomed with William Devane) and some military service, he hit Hollywood.  

And stayed there for the next 50 years, playing gangsters, beset-upon bureaucrats, cranky businessmen, clueless dads, cops, inventors, workmen of various sorts, bus drivers, and on and on.  His obituary in the  Washington Post praises his work as a sports writer in Slap Shot (1977), a swim coach in Ordinary People (1980), a police chief in Blade Runner (1982), and a "boogie-woogie pianist" in Cannery Row (1982).

No gay roles that I could find by googling, but Emmet never married, so there is a lot of  speculation that he was gay in real life.  (Gay men of his generation would always stay closeted).

He regularly appeared on websites devoted to hot older guys, not only because of his attractiveness, but because he took his shirt off -- a lot. Unusual for actors of his generation, he even appeared nude. A rear shot from Straight Time (1978).  If you look closely, you can see balls.

A frontal from Fast Talking (1982)

One of Emmet's last roles was in The Righteous Gemstones, as Roy Gemstone, megachurch pastor Eli's stern Baptist-preacher Daddy.  In Episode 1.5. the flashback to 1989, he advises his son to avoid ostentatious display and stick to the message of the Gospels. 

 In Episode 2.5, the flashback to 1993, Roy is suffering from dementia.  He appears at the family Christmas in his underwear, asks "Are we going hunting?", and fires randomly into the room.  When he appears again, he accidentally saves the day.

More old dude dick after the break