"Loot": Nicholas comes out to his Hoosier parents -- as an actor. Plus Taylor Swift fandom, Booster dick, and Faxon butt

Loot, on Apple Plus, stars Maya Rudolph as Molly Wells, the recently-divorced wife of a tech mogul with $87 billion and a lot of free time, so she decides to run the charitable organization she started. So why is it called "Loot"?  They're helping people.  

I started watching Season 2 because trans actress Michaela Jaé Rodriguez (left) plays Sophia, the head of the organization, a stern, no-nonsense, no-office-parties-while-people are starving in Africa type. And she starts a relationship with architect Isaac (O-T Fagbenle, center). 

Left: Fagbenle's bum.

But then I read an article where Rodriguez talks about how it is a relief to play a cisgender character.  So no LGBT representation there.

The only actual LGBT character is Nicholas, played by Joel Kim Booster, who is gay in real life.  He's swishy and snarky, the "sassy gay assistant" stereotype that GLAAD finds all over the networks: Michael Urie in Ugly Betty and Ron Butler in True Jackson VP spring to mind.   Can't have those gay people in positions of authority, can we?  

I'm going to review Episode 2.3, "Vengeance Falls," because Nicholas confronts his super-conservative parents. Uh-oh, dude is going to come out.

The two plotlines are not connected at all; they might as well be from two separate series.  So I'll go through them separately.

The Sophia/Howard Story

Scene 1: At the office, Sophia asks Howard (Ron Funches) for his powerpoint presentation on the Space for Everyone project, but he barely started; he didn't even finish the word "presentation."  As she is criticizing him, everyone's phones ping: Taylor Swift tickets are going on pre-sale for superfans! Sophia claims that her ping is about a flood in Burma, but they don't believe her.  Because it's been Myanmar for 36 years?

Scene 2: Howard tells the other workers, Arthur (Nat Faxon) and Ainsley, that Sophia must be a closet Taylor Swift fan.  Why would she lie about it?  What evil plan has she concocted?

Scene 3: Howard sneakily quotes Taylor Swift lyrics to see if Sofia will out herself as a fan.  It doesn't work, so he just asks: "Why are you hiding your fandom?"  She denies it.

Scene 4: Time for Howard's very important powerpoint presentation about the housing project. But his presentation is not about housing; it's "Proof that Sofia is a Swiftie."  Turns out that Howard is Sofia's cousin, so she can't just fire him.

"Why are you doing this?" Sofia asks.

"To help you be true to yourself."  Being a fan of a singer is not exactly on the same level as coming out as trans, buddy.

Sofia insista that she's not a Taylor Swift fan.  She's taking a personal day on July 12th, but not to go to the concert: her great-aunt Lucia is having open-heart surgery.  She storms off.  He's not doing his job. Fire him, cousin or not.

Left: Nat Faxon's butt.  He's supposedly a major character, but he doesn't do much in this episode.

Scene 5: Sofia is at home, when Howard shows up to apologize.  Do it at work. I guess they wanted a new set?  He was just excited that they might have something in common.  

While she is in the kitchen, Howard checks out her vinyl -- Taylor Swift hidden in a Mavin Gaye album.  She lives alone -- who's gonna know? 

She explains that listening to Taylor Swift makes her feel guilty: there is so much misery in the world, how can she justify enjoying something?  He...well, you know how this one turns out.

Molly and Nicholas after the break

The Answer to the Naked Man's Question

 

Today summer lasts for 12 weeks; I can see its beginning and end.  But when I was nine years old, lasted for months or years, or never ended: somewhere it's still that childhood summer, an endless succession of days, all bright green and dazzling.  

A week in Indiana, visiting my parents' family.

A week camping in Minnesota and Canada.  

Nazarene summer camp.  

Swimming lessons at Longview Park Pool.

The bookmobile every Tuesday. 

The Denkmann School Carnival.

  

Malts at Country Style. 

Vacation Bible School

Gold Key comic books at Schneider's Drug Store.

Dark Shadows.  H.R. Pufnstuf.  Tarzan Theater.

Posters of teen idols.

And the Naked Man's Question:

 All on a golden afternoon, probably a Saturday in July, in my Grandma's farmhouse in northern Indiana.  It's a big house, white frame.  The living room is pink, with flowered wall paper and thick drapes.

My brother and I are alone.  I don't remember why.  Maybe Mom and Dad have gone off somewhere, on an expedition of their own, leaving Grandma Davis to babysit, and she has stepped out.

We have just come in from something or other -- puttering around in the apple orchard, playing fetch with the dogs next door, exploring the old barn where Grandpa used to milk cows.  We kick off our shoes at the door.  

Maybe we're going to head up to our room which happens to be Dad's old room, with his pictures and schoolbooks and baseball glove), or up to the attic to sort through the bundles of old magazines in search of comic books.

I stop in front of the tv set, a big piece of furniture, wood-brown, with curved pillars on the sides.  There's an empty candy dish and a photo of my Cousin Phil on top. 

At our house the tv is almost always on, whether anyone is watchng or not, a stable, comforting background noise.  But Grandma keeps it off unless someone wants to watch a specific program.  It seems unnatural, wrong somehow.

I reach down and turn it on.

Kenny asks "What do you want to watch?"

I shrug. "I don't know.  Maybe Tarzan Theater."  On Saturday afternoons in Rock Island, when there isn't a game on, you can see old Tarzan and Bomba the Jungle Boy movies.

The black and white screen flickers, and then pops on.  A game.

I turn it to the next channel.  Some people talking.

"Find some cartoons," Kenny suggests.

There are only three channels, so only three choices.  I turn to the third.

A naked man.

In my memory he's naked, although he was probably wearing a leotard.  Shirtless, though, with taut hard pecs and very thick hard biceps.

You never saw naked or even shirtless men on tv in those days, except in Tarzan movies, so I stand dumbstruck, frozen in place, realizing that I will remember this moment forever.

"What's this?" Kenny asks.

The naked man twirls and high-steps, bulging his bare calves, across a bare stage to a young blond woman.  Then, dancing a sort of tap dance, he asks "Who....are...youuuuuu?"

She starts a tap dance of her own, dances in front of him, and says "I....don't...know. Who...are...youuuuu?"

He stops dancing and glowers at her, his eyes dark, and replies.  "I am the Magic Mushroom."

At that moment, Grandma appears at the window leading to the kitchen.  "There's nothing for kids on now," she says. "Turn the tv off."

"Wait...I..."  I begin.   But Kenny obligingly turns it off.  

"Now who wants to help me bake a pie for dinner tonight?"

All in a golden afternoon.

More after the break

Dane's Polar Plunge: A 365 day Lake Tahoe Challenge. With Scott Gaffney, Danish dicks, and nude guys at Notre Dame

 

I don't usually do profiles of non-actors, but this is amazing.  His name is Dane, he's a student at North Tahoe High School, and he's jumping into Lake Tahoe every day for a year.   Even on Day 190: Water temperature 39.3, air temperature 32.  That's Fahrenheit. 

 

Day 173: Gray, cloudy. Water temperature 37.3, air 33.0.  Dane walked through the snow-- barefoot! -- toward his icy plunge.

On Day 184, he brought his Dad, professional skiier Scott Gaffney Water temperature 48.5, air 55.

On Day 120, he brought the North Tahoe High School Varsity Basketball Team -- at least the ones brave enough to try. Water temperature 39 degrees, air with wind chill 19.  

The Wildflour Baking Company in Tahoe donated some donuts.  How about space heaters?

I can't imagine being interested in the aesthetics of the penis after all that icy plunging, but here are some guys running naked through the snow.

More after the break.  Caution: Icy.