Searching for Zach Garcia through tearjerkers, cowboys, podcasts, j/o, Alistair Patton, Tab Hunter, and a lot of dicks

 

I'm tired of finding photos of some guy I never heard of on one of the nude-celebrity websites, where one expects to find celebrities, and after two hours of research he turns out to be a musician who appeared "as himself" on one episode of a reality show, or a random hunk with a youtube channel.  Random hunks are off-topic.  I only  profile men who have performed in movies and tv shows. 

So when I found a j/o video of Zach Garcia, it wasn't enough to vaguely remember him from one of those high school soap operas like Riverdale.  I checked the IMDB for acting credits.  He has 11, so let's move forward.

In an interview in Voyager. Zach notes that he began modeling at age 12, but specified that he wouldn't model in his underwear.  No problem: soon he was appearing on billboards and in magazines.  Then his agent said that he should start acting, so he auditioned.  A lot of auditions, but only a few roles.

A 2015 episode of Grandfathered: "confirmed bachelor" John Stamos discovers that he has a son, Josh Peck, and Josh has a son, making him a grandfather.  Zach doesn't play the grandson.

"No One Knows I'm Gone," a 2015 short.  A bullied 12-year old runs away from home.  He doesn't play the bullied 12-year old.

On the day of Zach's auditon for Chicago PD, his aunt had just died of breast cancer, so he didn't want to go, but his mom talked him into it.  Guess what -- it's a tearjerker.  His character is supposed to be sad all the time.  He got the part.

Also, the spirit of his aunt was in the room, helping him out.

He stuck around for 7 episodes as the kidnapped and otherwise sad son of cop John Seda.  He returned for an episode of the spin-off Chicago Fire.

Typecast as an eternally sad figure, Zach found the roles easier to come by:

Poor Guy, 2016: Two misfit brothers and The Girl dream of California. Zach didn't play one of the brothers.

Chasing the Blues, 2017. Two rivals and the Girl try to acquire a famous jazz record. Zach didn't play one of the rivals.

Four episodes of Major Crimes, 2017, as Miguel Diaz, a undocumented juvenile accused of killing his father.

One episode of The Rookie, 2020, as Hector Duran, who went to juvie for theft and drug posession, and now is enrolled in a Scared Straight program along with his brother, Christian Ochoa.

One episode of Generation, 2022, about "high school students exploring modern sexuality."  It had some gay, bi, and trans characters, and some dicks floating around, but I don't know who Zach's character was, as it is currently unavailable for streaming.

Bloom, 2022, not to be confused with other 2022 Bloom, about girls in a flower shop falling in love.  This one, which is unavailable anywhere, tells us that: "After going his whole life drowning in many dark thoughts, a 20 year old young male, finally breaks through with the courage of his sexuality."  Ok, F for grammatical errors, the awkward "old young," and the nonsense "break through with the courage"  Zach doesn't play the 20 year old young male.

Since 2022, Zach has been working as gaffer and grip on projects such as Desire Within, Emory Woods, and When a Flame Dies Out, so that must be his new career.  

Zach's Instagram has a few provocative pictures, like this one of a boyfriend reaching into his pants.

And lounging naked.  I can't figure out where the boyfriend's body is.

On to the j/o 

Wait -- I didn't notice before, but the j.o. guy doesn't look like Zach at all!  

So who the heck does this dick belong to?

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Searching for Nate Stone through pastors, pole vaulters, porn stars, photographers, and a plethora of penises

When I was researching the Disney Channel teencom Bunk'd, I checked for nude photos of the adult cast members, and came across Nate Stone, who played Timmy: he moved out of the camp to live in the woods during Seasons 1-2.  

Living in the woods, he must be a counselor.  So I searched for "Nate Stone" and "nude" and found a lot of photos.

A lot of photos, apparently all from Nate's OnlyFans page.

Turns out that Timmy is not an adult, he's one of the campers.  At the end of Season 2, he is adopted by the family of his friend Doug (Owen Atlas, left). 

As of this writing, Owen Atlas is 16 years old. The Bunk'd Nate Stone couldn't be more than a year or two older, say 17 or 18.

The guy in the OnlyFans photos must be another Nate Stone.

But which one?  There are dozens with social media profiles, even if you exclude "Nathans."

1. A graduate of the University of Washington who devotes his life to starting new churches.

2. A "part-time mature male model" (left)

3. A photographer from Oahu.

4. A heterosexual porn performer known for Bed Sharers

5. A guy from Indiana who works for Rolls Royce.

6. A lacrosse player at Brevard College in North Carolina, right.

7. A hockey player at Gustavus Adolphus College in Minnesota

8. A swim coach at Benildes-St. Margaret Catholic High School in Minnesota.

More Nates after the break

Sage Ftacek: "Sweethearts" Short Brigade Stud from Anoka, with a BFA, some Tiktok videos, and a cock

 I was interested in Sage Ftacek, because he plays a gay character in the Thanksgiving romcom Sweethearts (2024).  Newly out Palmer (Caleb Hearon) is looking for social contacts at a pre-Thanksgiving party.  He is standing in the kitchen.

A blond guy, maybe Kellan (Jake Bongiovi), yells: "Let's roast this sucker!"

Kurt: "Yeah, babe! I'll be right there."  He takes a turkey from the refrigerator, and stops to ask Palmer "Do you know anything about cooking?

Palmer "Not really."  

He starts to walk away, but realizing that he could be a gay social contact, Palmer stops him: "Wait, Kurt.  I'm gay."

Kurt responds with a blank expression: "I'm Kurt."

"I know. We've gone to school together since kindergarten."

"I'm gonna try to cook this turkey on the bonfire."

Later Palmer and Lukas, a gay guy who's interested in him, watch Kurt and his boyfriend rip off their shirts and try to set the turkey on fire. 

That's all, just four lines, but look at him.  Extraordinary cute. 

And at 5'8", a a member of the Short Guy Brigade.

He has a very unusual name -- it's Czech, originally meanng "little bird" -- so he should be easy to track down.

First his Instagram.  It says "golf cart dealership, which may be a joke.

Lots of joke pics, like this one of Sage dismantling a mannekin.

A clever way to see three cocks at once.

And a spare butt, which may be his or a friend's.

According to Facebook, Sage grew up in Anoka, Minnesota, a suburb of Minneapolis, where his Dad works at CostCo. He has a younger brother, and a relative who got a Ph.D. from Western Michigan University, specializing in transgender literary texts of the 18th century.  

Sage graduated from the St. Paul Conservatory for Performing Artists in 2018.

The Rutgers Actors Showcase says that he grew up in Minnesota, "sledding and throwing snowballs,"  fell into the "skateboarding and graffiti" scene when not taking the bus into Minneapolis for acting lessons,  and ended up at Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers University, where he received a BFA in acting. in 2022.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Jamie McGuire: The Smiley Creature from "From," with Halifax hunks and a nude Dylan Sprouse

 

From, on MGM+, is set in the ruins of a small town, with a diner, a police station, a hotel, a farm, and some houses, where stranded travelers from various parts of the U.S. get stuck.  Every night humanoid creatures appear, dressed in 1950s costumes -- mechanic, nurse, librarian, tv cowboy.  They try to lure you outside, or trick you into letting them in, whereupon they turn into monsters and kill you.  

The Creatures are the main threat, and one of the biggest mysteries, in From. They are impervious to most weapons, but they don't have paranormal powers.  Their physiology is human, but dessicated, as if they've been mummified.  They were once regular humans: a creature named Jasmine says "I didn't ask to be this way."  My theory is that some sort of dark magic went wrong during the 1950s, zapping the town into a pocket universe and transforming some of the townsfolk into Creatures.

Jamie McGuire's Smiley Creature has become a fan favorite, due to his especially huge, creepy grin and his quirky personality: he  seems delighted to be part of the world again.  He feels furniture, picks up objects.  He climbs aboard a stalled bus and plays at driving it.  

He was killed in Season 2, but Creatures never really die, so chances are he'll be back in Season 3.

Without the creepy grin, Jamie is quite handsome, so I wanted to know more about him.  

He's been interviewed a dozen times, but mostly about the Smiley Creature -- and he doesn't know any more than we do.  He just puts on a creepy grin and follows the director's instructions.

Jamie McGuire turns out to be very diffcult to research.  A Google search yields 3,000 entries about a romance novelist named Jamie McGuire, mostly reviewing two of her books that have been made into movies, Beautiful Disaster and Beautiful Wedding.    Dylan Sprouse, top photo and left, stars as an inked bad boy boxer.

Dylan's butt for the road

More Jamie after the break

Spencer Lloyd: From "American Idol" to a homophobic church, with nude hockey and j/o in between

Making the rounds of nude actor photos this morning, I came across "Spencer Lloyd jerks off his hot cock."   No other photos, but this one pops up on a google search.

No one by that name is listed on IMDB, but when you dump "Spencer Lloyd" into a search engine, it wants to auto-fill with the Canadian tv series Heartland: a multi-generational soap opera set on a ranch in Alberta.  He must have appeared somewhere in the nearly 300 episodes to date -- the IMDB often omits actors. 

 

Googling "Spencer Lloyd" and "Canada" reveals a young guy, probably just out of high school, who played hockey for the Beaver Valley Nitehawks in British Columbia.  He must have done that before he broke into showbiz -- or tried to break in.

After extensive research on Instagram, Facebook, the American Idol Blog, and Fame Watcher, I have pieced together Spencer's biography.

There's no Canadian hockey or soap opera -- that's another Spencer Lloyd.  But I'm not taking the photos down.

Our Spencer Lloyd grew up in Bryant, Arkansas, population 16,688, known for its La Quinta Motor Lodge, Cotton Shed Vintage Market, and Chick-Fil-A.  

In 2013, at the age of 19, he got on a bus with 3,000 other hopefuls for American Idol auditions in Little Rock.  He made it to the first round.

In Austin he sang "Say Something" and an original song, "At the Final Judgment." Uh-oh, sounds homophobic. He made it to the second round.

In Hollywood, he sang "Ordinary Girl" in the Wild-Card.  And then got booted.

He still performs and records music occasionally. Apple Music lists several singles for sale, most recently "No Love Like Ours," released December 2023.

In March 2016, Spencer found his way to Nashville, where he signed on with Wilhemina Modeling.  This must be where the nude photo comes from.

He moved to Chicago in May 2016, and went to work as fitness instructer at Barry's Chicago. 

The j/o video after the break. Caution: explicit.

Jason Bradley Jacobs: From a cowboy cruising in the shower to a cartoon Kentucky Adonis to...well, isn't that enough?

Insurance companies go to great lengths to produce clever commercials, but they rarely venture into the realm of beefcake.  That's why the Eastwood Insurance cowboy was so memorable.

In California in the 1990s, a series of at least 30 tv commercials showed the Cowboy riding up to a befuddled car owner, almost always a man, who was paying too much for car insurance, and "saving the day" with Eastwood's low, low prices.

The best commercials had him in the shower, naked except for his white cowboy hat, cruising...um, I mean talking about insurance to another naked guy, who seems more interested in his physique than his insurance policies.

Nudity in unexpected places is always stunning.

Besides, he had quite a smile.

The Cowboy was played by Jason Bradley Jacobs, who has only two acting credits on the IMDB:

A record company executive in Selena, 1997, about the Tejana singer who topped the Latin music charts and sang at the Astrodome. John Seda played Chris, her guitarist/boyfriend.

Maurice Charpentier in The Feast of All Saints, 2001, based on the Anne Rice novel about "the Free People of Colour" in 19th century New Orleans, "a dazzling yet damned class caught between the world of white privilege and black oppression."  Anne Rice -- shouldn't there be vampires?

It stars many recognizable African-American celebrities, including Robert Ri'chard, Ozzie Davis, Ruby Dee, James Earl Jones, Eartha Kitt, Ben Vereen, and Forest Whitaker. 

Jason provided the voice and artists' model for a character in a comic book and animated series, Plowboy in the Cornmeal Universe, created by D.W. Newman.  It is set in the Appalachia of 1978, the era of Jimmy Carter, Hee-Haw, and The Dukes of Hazzard, and emphasizes the "raw physicality and blatant sexuality."

More after the break

Jake Satow: Saving Christmas, a Christian horse, a nonbinary internet celebrity, and the Baywatch guy

 

I was looking for actors who played nonbinary characters, and the name "Jake Satow" popped up.  Never heard of him, but he's attractive, so I checked the listing on IMDB.

He has 18 acting credits.  The most recent is Saving Christmas Spirit, 2022.  

How many times does that holiday need saving?

Spoiler alert: Christmas Spirit is a store that needs saving.  Jake plays a teenager who gets a girlfriend.

Adeline, 2022, is about a horse that heals people in a small town.  I swear, I'm not making this up.  Presumably a Christian movie, since one of the IMDB reviews says something like "Stop the insanity. The Bible isn't real." 

It stars 1980s hunks John Schneider from The Dukes of Hazzard, bottom photo, and David Chokachi from Baywatch, butt left.

Jake had a busy 2022.  Other roles include Howard Hunt's son in Gaslit,  which has a maddenly misleading title.  You expect the gaslit Victorian era, with hanson cabs clattering down cobblestone streets.  It's about Watergate.

Hockey Trophy Jake in Breathing Happy, about a recovering drug addict celebrating his first year of sobriety on Christmas Day, naturally. Other characters are named the Mysterious Door, the Golden Door, and Salvation Elf.  Another Christian movie, I imagine. 

Christian Holmes at age 14 in The Dropout, about a woman dropping out of college to start a tech company that revolutionalizes the health care industry.  Christian Holmes at age adult is her husband.

This is all terribly heteronormative. 

Before 2022, Jake was starring in a lot of shorts: a clown with marital problems, the morning announcements at a middle school, an alarm clock going off an hour early, dad dying, and Christmas.  They all have about the same cast, so I'm guessing local productions.

His website lists a theatrical production, The Honorary Counsel, performed with the actors in Zoom rooms, plus modeling on runways for Columbus Fashion Week and for Macy's and Homage.  

No indication of nonbinary, trans, or otherwise LGBTQ roles.  Maybe in real life?

Jake has 17,000 followers on Instagram.  His profile says says "Christian"...uh-oh, probably homophobic... SAG/AFTRA....The Dropout, and Saving Christmas Spirit.

More after the break

"American Sports Story": Football player turned murder, with evangelical homophobia everywhere

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Ten Nude Dudes from Rejected Reviews, Part 2: From Ben Affleck to Bill Skalsgard

 

Every day I check the new releases and my recommendations, beginning with Netflix, and then going on to Hulu, MAX, and, scraping the bottom of the barrel, Amazon Prime, looking for movies or tv series to review.   They should be in a genre that I like, with gay characters, gay subtexts, or at least some beefcake. 

Most are easy to reject, icons with ladies only, a man and a woman gazing at each other, or guys shooting things. 

Sometimes I just jump in, but usually research is necessary to ensure that there are no nasty surprises, like queerbaiting or homophobic jokes. 

The result is a lot of n*de dudes with no review attached.  

1. Garrett Clayton, top photo, in Reach, 2018.  Socially awkward band geek Stephen, Garrett Clayton,  is planning to kill himself due to the constant bullying, until the new k*d at school, Jordan Doww, falls in love...um, befriends him.   According to a review, it's supposed to be a gay romance, but they "staunchly refuse to say the word," although there are a lot of homophobic slurs thrown around...at a performing arts school in 2016?

2. Stephen Luca in Blame the Game, 2024. Three male-female couples gather for their weekly game night. Two of the guys, Stephen Luca and Dennis Mojen, get naked, but nothing comes of it. In fact, the new guy gets tormented by his girlfriend's ex.

3. Ben Affleck in Going All the Way, which just appeared on Netflix, even though it's from 1996. After returning from the Korean War, two men, Jeremey Davies and Ben Affleck,  search for love and fulfillment in Middle America. Sounds fine, except in the icon, they're in the background of a shot of a woman's breasts, and according to the plot synopsis, they don't become a gay couple.

Left: Ben dick.  You already know what his face looks like.

4. Jaeden Martel in Mr Harrigan's Phone, 2022.   A teenager makes friends with an elderly hellraiser, who dies, but continues to call him, and arrange for the deaths of his enemies. No girls in the plot synopsis or trailer, but the wikipedia page reveals that he has a crush on a girl.  Why do they hide that? To lure queer viewers in?

5. Nicholas Alexander Chavez as a hunky priest in Grotesquerie, 2024. I actually started watching. The detective arrives at the house.  The cop tells her that they should let the FBI handle it, because it's a hate crime.  "Hate crime against what?" she asks.  "Everything."  

A nuclear family Mom and two preteen boys have been killed and placed at the dinner table.  Dad's body parts are scattered all over.  The timer goes off: whatever is cooking in the pot is read.  I'll bet it's Dad's head.

I fast forward...it's women talking to other women for 45 minutes, and then the detective in bed with her boyfriend. And it turns out to be a tv show, not a movie.  Next!

More Chavez after the break

Max Brumberg: Slovakian flute crafter, drag theologian, Russian-Austrian-Uzbek actor. With bonus Uzbek dicks

 

I don't know what led me to the 2021 movie Play it Cool, with someone named Reggiemolo (Alex Jason Lee King) on a cross-country trip where he's mistaken for a criminal and meets The Girl -- the trailer shows them kissing a thousand times, so it's definitely a "no way!"  But far down the cast list was a cute guy named Max Brumbaugh.

The name resonated because when I was a kid, there was an abandoned "haunted house" on my grandfather's property that belonged to the Brumbaugh family.  So I decided to research him.

Rather a difficult task.  First, his last name isn't Brumbaugh, it's Brunberg.  No, it's Brumberg, with an "m," and there are a lot of Max Brumbergs out there. 

1. Max Brumberg who makes flutes in the traditional manner, with traditional materials.  He makes Slovakian fujaras, Moldavian kavals, overtone flutes, double flutes, and many other types, out of his store in Sainte-Croix-Vallée-Français.

Another Max Brumberg is Max Brumberg-Kraus, he/him or they/them, the co-founder of the House of Larva Drag Co-operative.  They perform as drag persona Çicada L’Amour, produce both small acts and full-length queer peformance art, and belong to ARC community: "a creative collaboration for theopoetics."

They graduated from the United Theological Seminary in 2020 with a  M.A. in theology and the arts, and research interests in queer temporality, queer and feminist theology, cosmology, mythopoetics, ancient tragedy, midrash, embodiment, and reception theory.   They're the author of The(y)-ology: Mythopoetics for Gay/Trans Liberation.

Then there's the grad student at the Institute of Russian History in Moscow, and his aroused cucumber.

From Linkedin, IMDB, and an article in Voyager, I've pieced together the life of Max Brumberg, actor.  Of Uzbek and Russian Jewish ancestry.

Top photo: Uzbek guy

Fluent in English, French, German, and Russian.  Not Uzbek?

 Grew up in Vienna got a M.S. in real estate from Newcastle University in Britain, and took a job in Real Estate Structured Finance Sales, traveling between Vienna, Belgrade, and Bucharest while acting in commercials and doing stand-up comedy. 

Left: Tajik guy from Russia

While he was working as a manager at Saxon Bank in Zurich, Max realized that "something was missing...there was a void in my life." So he moved to L.A. and enrolled at the Stella Adler School of Acting. 

So far he has only six acting credits on the IMDB:

More after the break