Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory, Kieran, and Ansel cocks, and "Kelvin Gemstone, Boy Adventurer"

Richie Rich, an impossibly wealthy 12-year old boy in a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit, was a mainstay of Harvey Comics from his first introduction in 1953 until the company folded in 1982.   

You may be familiar with the 1994 movie version, starring Macaulay Culkin and his brother Rory (above) as Richie Rich, and Michael Maccarone, aka Maccadeath, as his pal Omar (Freckles in the comics)

The reviews were awful.  But what about the comics?

They started as exclusively humorous -- Richie wants to jump rope, but can't find one, so he uses a huge pearl necklace. I never cared much for them, preferring the science-fiction and mystery-style stories of Casper's Ghostland

But by the 1970s, Richie was augmenting the humor with serious Hardy Boys-style mysteries, paranormal, espionage, and adventure stories.  They were more interesting, if you could overlook the Little Lord Fauntleroy suit that he continued to wear.

By the end of his run, Richie was starring in over fifty monthly or bimonthly titles, far more than all of the other Harvey characters put together.  

So many thousands of stories required a huge supporting cast, so Richie quickly received a girlfriend, , some boy pals from the wrong side of the tracks, a mischievous cousin, a gold-digger with a crush on him -- or his money -- and crossovers from the other naturalistic Harvey comics, Little Dot, Little Lotta, and Little Audrey (I don't know why all the girls were "little").  He  paired with Casper the Friendly Ghost, although he always explained their adventures together as dreams. He even got a boyfriend.

But his most significant boy pal was Jackie Jokers.

 

48 issues of Richie Rich and Jackie Jokers appeared between 1973 and 1982, with humorous and adventure stories pairing Richie with the 12-year old stand-up comedian.  It soon became apparent that they liked each other.  A lot   Holding hands during the crisis, hugging when the crisis was averted, stammering "If anything were to happen to you....".  

Left: nuclear war in a kids' comic.

In one story, Jackie makes his romantic intentions very clear: "If you weren't always wearing that silly red bowtie, I'd marry you."  He'll take the tie off for the honeymoon, dude.

Coincidentally or not, during this same time period, Richie begins to beef up.  Previously the shirtless and swimsuit shots depicted a nondescript cartoon body.  Now he had biceps, pecs, and abs, to draw the interest of the preteen gay boys who were reading about his romance with Jackie Jokers. 

The cover art contrasted his buff bod with horrible puns.  It must have been difficult to make up 50 money-based puns every month.

Some dicks after the break

Brock Cock, Part 1: From the God Squad to the Immortal Kane, with bonus Daryl McCormack and James Duval

 

Everybody needs a little Brock O'Hurn now and then.  At least his 1.7 million instagram followers think so.  Brock has played any number of muscle-hunks, including Hulk Hogan, Thor, Tarzan, a "swole Mel Brooks," and guys named Horse and Ragnar Stormbringer.  

He may be most famous as  Torsten, the "gentle giant" of the God Squad, a homoerotic muscle commune, in Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones.  Presumably Adam Devine isn't in character here, or he'd be much more interested in the muscles pressing against him.

Here Brock is a shirtless cowboy in the video Wild West Showdown.  

Brock is a co-creator and model for Kane Comic Universe about an immortal muscleman who travels through time, fighting demons, evil gods, madmen, and so on. Warning: Issue #2 features women's boobs rather than Brock pecs.

I promised Brock cock, but actually, he has only one nude scene on tv, in Euphoria, which I post in Brock Cock Part 2.   I just like saying "Brock cock."

But to fill my cock quota, here's Irish actor Daryl McCormack.

More Brock and cock after the break

My 16 favorite Gemstone cocks, displayed on the show and off, from Zack's mini to Brock's tree trunk

The Righteous Gemstones was unique in its enthusiastic portrayal of penises in nearly every episode. lus a number of the actors who didn't get a chance to show their stuff on the show have obligingly posted pictures of their inches on the internet.  Here are my favorites, some huge, some not, but all a pleasure to watch.

1. Stephen Schneider (left) as Stephen had an affair with Judy Gemstone in Season 3.  Her husband BJ burst into his house during a j/o session, and fought him to reclaim his manhood. The actor was offered a prosthetic, but he wanted to perform with his real cock on display.  I can see why.

2. Blair Jackson played the boyfriend of Dot Nancy, whom Kelvin Gemstone is trying to draw away from Satan, in Season 1.  Off-camera, he has shown us his stuff.

3. Walton Goggins.  In our first view of the elderly grifter Baby Billy, he stands up in his bathtub to reveal a cock of superhuman proportions (they actually useed a stand in).  It re-appeared so often in Season 4 that even gay male viewers got tired of it.

4. Stephen Dorf,  who played the nasty, homophobic, and probably gay megachurch pastor Vance Simkins, goes full frontal in a movie from 2005.. 

5. Jak Kriskowski appeared in a scene where Pontius enrolls in military school.  His scene was cut, but Jak joined the army in real life, and has given us a cute peeking-out-of-his-pants shot.

6, Kelton Dumont, as wild child Pontius Gemstone, was caught schtupping his girlfriend and jumped up and tried to hide it. After a lot of photo manipulation, about all you can see is a bit of the shaft.  But I found a few other possibilities.

7. Adam Devine: To our disappointment, Kelvin Gemstone showed his backside quite often, but never his front. Probably to emphasize that he is a bottom, and self-conscious about his small size.  In real life, Adam is hung. We've seen it several times in his movies.

8. Cullen Moss as the security guard hot for Gideon's boyfriend Scotty.  He goes full frontal in a 2021 movie.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Mason Cook: The "Speechless" star turns bohemian-hipster, and shows us his biceps and dick

 

You're probably most familiar with Mason Cook as Ray DiMeo, sarcastic younger brother of focus character JJ (Micah Fowler) on Speechless (2015-18).  JJ has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, "speechless."

Ray gets a lot of gay subtext plotlines, at least in Season 1.  In Season 2, he becomes annoyingly hetero-horny, and eventually gets a serious girlfriend. 

Ray's sudden movement into hetero-horniness was disturbing not only because the gay teases were overturned, but because of the "discovering girls" rhetoric. Mason is over 18 at the time, but his character is 15.  When I was 15, all I ever heard was "You'll discover girls any moment now, and everything you love will become meaningless. You'll join clubs, take classes, choose your college solely in order to see or meet girls. Your buddies will become mere strategists, helping you find, impress, and win girls. You..."

Sorry for the rant, but I really felt betrayed by Ray DiMeo in the second season.  

So you may wonder why I'm posting a profile on Mason Cook

Not because of his gay or gay-subtext performances.

Born in 2000

Guest star in teencoms like Zeke and Luther

Son of the focus charater in the crime drama Legends

Classmate of the focus character on The Middle

 An "eccentric, devout Christian" who has sex with the focus girl, sending her rushing for a "morning after pill," in Plan B.  This was nominated for a GLAAD award because a major character is trans, but Mason is straight.

Not because of his physique.  

The few shirtless photos on Mason's social media suggest that he doesn't spend a lot of time at the gym.

Although he has developed some biceps recently.

Not because of his handsomeness.  

His clean-cut all-American look was sort of cute, but his recent greasy-hair hipster-bohemian look is off-putting

Not because he is gay in real life.

Mason appears to be more LGBTQ-friendly than his fershugenen Speeechless character. Here he invites his fans to "stand up against bullying in the LGBT community" on Spirit Day. 

But in his social media pages, he's hugging girls a lot, and proudly displaying their cleavage, as if to brag: "I get to touch those!"  He has been photographed on dates with several people identified as "girlfriends."  

So, not extraordinarly handsome or built, not a lot of gay or gay-subtext roles, straight in real life, and his Ray DiMeo was upsetting.  Why am I doing a profile of this guy?

Because I was left "speechless" upon discovering videos of Mason showing fans his "joie de vivre" 

More after the break. Caution: explicit.

James and Kelton Dumont: Dad/son actors and their hunky costars and hung heartthrobs

Father and son James and Kelton Dumont star together on The Righteous Gemstones, as Jesse's buddy Chad and his son Pontius, respectively.  Plus they have both appeared nude on screen (not in the same scene), probably making them the only father and son in tv history to display their stuff in the same series.

I've already posted several photo collections of the guys, including nude and beefcake photos, so instead of looking for more, I'll be checking out the physiques and penises of their costars. 

James plays a sheriff in an episode of Black Bird, 2022, a crime drama based on the autobiography of James Killeen.  Joey Bicicchi, top photo and left, plays a lifer whom Jimmy meets in prison.

The First Lady, 2022, features fictionalized adventures of U.S. First Ladies Michelle Obama, Betty Ford, and Eleanor Roosevelt.  James plays the manager at Herpolsheimer's, the department store where the young Betty Bloomer, soon to be Betty Ford, gets a job.  Jake Picking is the young Gerald Ford.

I figured that City on the Hill, 2021, would be about Puritans, since John Winthrop, who led the first Puritan colonists to the New World, planned to build a "City on the Hill," a model of godliness.  No, it's about corruption in the criminal justice system in Boston in the 1990s. 

 James plays Randy Finch in two episodes, but we also see the legendary Kevin Bacon as focus character Jackie Rohr.

James plays Thomas Wallace on an episode of Blue Bloods, 2020, starringTom Selleck, the Castro Clone- stach and short-shorts wearing heartthrob of the 1980s, as the patriarch of a family of police officers. 

This sort of looks like Tom Selleck early in his career, but in those days every gay man -- um, I mean homophobe -- looked like that.

Kelton's costars next. Note: he did not appear in nude scenes with any of them.

Eric Brody: Fashion model from Florida shows his stuff in his first acting gig

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Gemstones Episode 1.6 : Kelvin sees Keefe's cock, and gets a big head. Sounds like a fun evening. With bonus Kenyan guys.

 Title: "Now the sons of Eli were worthless men." From 1 Samuel 2:12.  Eli was a high priest during the era of the Judges. His two sons did not perform the sacrifices properly, and had illicit sexual relations, so the Lord punished Eli by killing them. Uh-oh, Jesse and Kelvin are doomed.

Keefe's Mushroom Head:  After their Friday night encounter with the blackmailers, Jesse has their van towed to Kelvin's garage, talks to Kelvin, then fetches Judy. Jesse is wearing the same clothes, but Kelvin has changed out of his Faith Factory t-shirt. 

As they are talking, Keefe comes out of the house, wearing only a shirt and socks, eating cheese.  "What's going on?" he asks.

Jesse: "Sickening!"; Judy: "Cool mushroom tip"; Kelvin: "That shirt's not as long as you think, Bud.  Just go back inside."  We see his dick peeking out from below his shirt, and then his butt as he turns around.

Structurally, this seems to be a joke on Keefe being drug-addled, combined with a view of his cock and butt that leads us to ask "are they or aren't they." But in- universe, it becomes much more significant. 

First, notice that just a few episodes ago, Kelvin was terrified by the sight of Keefe's testicle.  Now he is embarrassed but not alarmed.  He is used to seeing Keefe naked.

Second, why is Keefe wearing only a shirt and socks?  Was he in bed?  No -- when you get dressed, you put on your pants first. Getting ready for bed?  No, when you get undressed, you take off your shirt first. 

"Go suck your Satanic boyfriend Keefe."

A likely scenario: After the Club Sinister rescue, the guys drop Dot off, then go home and change clothes.  Some time later, Keefe decides to move forward with the relationship that Kelvin has been suggesting,  Since he rejected a bj offer earlier, it makes sense that he would want to start with a bj.  He takes his pants off, and his shoes have to come off, too.  Kelvin is so overcome by passion that he doesn't have time to take his clothes off -- he just drops to his knees.  

As they are getting busy, there's a knock on the door.  Keefe waits for Kelvin to return, gets bored, goes to the kitchen, gets some cheese.  Then he hears everyone talking and, assuming that his shirt is long enough to cover his dick, investigates.

It makes structural sense: Keefe looks for love in Episode 1.4, rejects the Satanists to follow Kelvin, and ends up in Kelvin's bed.  If Kelvin's "celibacy promise" was real, tonight he broke it, thus making his later despair more realistic.  And it would lead into the isolation tank rescue.

And it gives the siblings definitive proof that their brother and Keefe are boyfriends.  Notice that the gay implications immediately cease.

Saturday or Sunday: Rev. Seasons announces that his church is closing due to losing members to the Baby Billy's Locust Grove church.  We cut to Eli, Baby Billy/Tiffany, and BJ/Judy playing golf.  Wait -- shouldn't they be in church?  Or is this Sunday afternoon?

Personal note:  When I was growing up, our Nazarene church was across the street from a golf course.  The preacher ofter called down the wrath of God on those sinners who played golf on Sunday morning instead of worshipping Him.

Baby Billy gets BJ's name wrong, and then offers Judy a job singing with him. Since he was unsuccesful in drawing Aimee-Leigh from Eli, he's going to try it with Eli's daughter?

"This isn't normal":  Meanwhile, at Jesse and Amber's house,  Gideon comes down to breakfast with a black eye.  His parents are upset, but they don't make the connection to the car chase last night.  So it's Saturday morning?  Was the Rev. Season scene a flashback?

These timeline inconsistencies are annoying.  Let's just think about Keefe's cock again.

More about Keefe's Cock: Kelvin's garage, several days later (queer code: there's a neon picture of a flexing bicep on the wall).  

Kelvin tells the silings that Keefe ran the van's plates -- stolen -- and got fired for it.  So he was living with Kelvin before he got fired?  Maybe he just spent the night of the Club Sinister rescue, because it was late and they wanted to be intimate?

Kelvin brags that the Nancys gave him a soda machine to thank him for bringing Dot back to the church.  Judy criticizes him for "getting all cocky," and Jesse agrees" "you have had a big fucking head lately."  Both are double-entendre call-backs to Keefe's cock (unintentional in-universe, or are the siblings hinting?).  So, where did Keefe put his big fucking head, Kelvin? Are you into oral or anal?  We're getting more and more structural evidence that the guys have been intimate.

Another dick.

They are very rude: Since the van is gone, Scotty has to live in a tent. Why doesn't Gideon spring for a cheap hotel?   Gideon tries to help him set it up, but he goes dark again: "I'm tired of this shit, and I'm tired of your fucking family! They are very rude people!"  But at least he looks hot in a black vest with no shirt.

"The van in my uncle's garage," Gideon tells him.  Completely ransacked, with all of Scotty's stuff taken.  Scotty is irate: he needed that stuff!

Cut to Jesse and Kelvin informing the crew that they have the van. Inside they found a sleeping bag, tongs, a copy of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics (so Scotty is a Scientologist?), some potato chips, some beans, soiled Q-Tips, and yellow, crusty paper towels. Conclusion: the blackmailers are "fucking amateurs."

Suddenly all of them get a phone call from Scotty.  He wants his van and his stuff back, or "I'm a fuck your life in the ass."  I'm surprised no one riffed on that.  "I'm a release the video."  

Back at the campsite, Scotty and Gideon clasp hands.

Jesse doesn't think he has the video, and tells him to fuck off.

More after the break

Blair's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Fitness model, stripper, deputy. Only his abs and dick stay the same

This is a collection of hot/hung and humorous photos of Blair Jackson, the actor/model who became Kelvin's nemesis in Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.4, "Wicked Lips." 

1. Teenage abs.

2. Grown-up abs.

3. Austin from "Wicked Lips" goes cruising. 

4. Going blond.

5. Blair's Starry Night.

6. You weren't looking at his face, anyhow.

More Blair after the break. Warning: explicit.

Jak and Kelton visit the Citadel: Beach Day, Dick Day, wrestling, modeling, and a tour of the campus

 

Jak Kristowski is a South Carolina-based media influencer, actor, producer, model, Disney fan, Baptist, missionary, and surfer.  His stage credits include  Aladdin: the Musical, David vs. Goliath, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Jr., and Anastasia, and he is the executive producer of the fan-based movie Spider-Man: The Dark Age.

In Episode 3.9 of The Righteous Gemstones, Jesse sends his wayward son Pontius to The Citadel, the South Carolina military college.  Jak was cast as one of Pontius's classmates. 

His scene was cut. but he got to meet Jody Hill, Danny McBride, and Kelton Dumont, he got a free lunch and a campus tour, and of course he still was paid.  He posted some pics of his experience on his instagram, and I added some of my own.

The Citadel enrolls  2,300 cadets who want the military-style education they might receive at West Point or Annapolis, but without the obligation of entering the military after graduating.  No Battle Logistics: you major in one of the standard academic subjects, like English or history.

The library and student union don't look much different from those of other colleges, except for the uniforms

The naked guys are about the same, except for the dog tags. (Not Jak or Kelton)

More cadets after the break. Warning: it gets explicit.