The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down megachurch pastor Eli by destroying his satellite church, set up in a shopping mall.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the mall. 

 

1. Casey Hendershott (top photo) has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor, appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts: The guys and some extras running through the mall, while the shoppers laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

 

Bonus chubby guys after the break

Marcus Hodson: Shape-shifting demon or hyper-masculine Midlands model? With nude merman bonus

On Dead Hot (2024), Marcus Hodson plays a shape-shifting demon, a hermetic Magus who travels between esoteric realms through the Eye of Horus bar and its mysterious Red Phone.  I wanted to know if he plays other mysterious Pucks or Lords of Misreason, but his IMDB listing is rather basic  Five roles, all 2022-2024: 

You Like That, a short about a gay American student in Edinburgh.

The Stand-up Sketch Show, where comedians perform "a surreal reconstruction of their own material."  Marcus is a background player in five episodes.

An episode of Domino Day, about a young witch "haunted by her need to feed on others." In Episode 2, Marcus plays a hookup who smooches with her and is eaten.

Gentleman in Moscow is about a Russian aristocrat placed under house arrest in a hotel for the rest of his life after the 1917 revolution.  He befriends a little girl who also lives in the hotel; Marcus plays her piano teacher.

He also plays one of the mermen in The Little Mermaid.

Only one other paranormal show, and he doesn't even play a supernatural being?

Not many biographical details available. A 2021 article in Pause magazine states that he is 25 years old, from Manchester but living in London. He began modeling at age 18, then started university, but left to go pro.

In spite of the paucity of biographical details, Marcus has a very active social media presence, with hundreds of posts about travel, food, and beefcake. Here he is in Greece

In Rome

On the beach.  Does Marcus have a palsy disorder in his left hand, or is he displaying some magickal gestures?

More after the break

"Justified": Episode 1.1: Kentucky cowboy has a gay-subtext romance with an unhinged thug. Lots of thug dick

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Love and Anarchy: A prank war at a Stockholm publishing house, with gay teases and Bjorn Mosten's penis

 

 Love and Anarchy appeared on my Netflix recommendations.  I clicked to see what it was about, forgetting that on Netflix, "click" means "start."  And since I was eating a bowl of Cheerios, I let it continue.

Scene 1: A harried middle-aged man and woman in a fancy house coordinating their calendars and telling their preteen son "No gaming at the breakfast table."  Dad is played by Johannes Bah Kuhnke, sweating below.

The woman chugs some espresso, talking about how this is her first day on the job. Teenage daughter comes in, not wearing the coat Dad bought for her.  This causes a crisis. Nuclear family squabbles.  Yawn. 

The woman goes upstairs, locks herself in the bathroom, and masturbates to porn on her cell phone.  Are we supposed to be titilated or judgmental, or are we to assume that she's having marital problems?  Everybody masturbates, but nobody admits that they do.

Scene 2: She is walking through a square in downtown Stockholm, at dusk or pre-dawn, checking her cell phone.  An older guy welcomes her to his publishing house.   He shows her to her new office, which is a disaster-area of books and manuscripts: the former senior editor was a bit of a hoarder.  

The older guy may be Ronni, the Publishing Company CEO, played by Bjorn Kjellman. He didn't have much of a physique in the 1990s, but he was rather well hung.

Scene 3: The woman -- Sofie -- giving a speech to the staff.  She's an independent consultant who saves publishing companies from bankruptcy by pushing them into the digital age, whether they like it or not. As she is ignoring a question about layoffs, a hot young guy comes in late and accidentally spills his drink over his crotch.  While he is dabbing at his bulge with a napkin, Sofie stares, mesmerized.

Scene 4: Sofie in her office, grimacing at the clutter.  Books --- ugh -- they might as well be stone tablets! As someone with a library of about 4,000 books, I am not amused.

 She piles some armloads of the relics outside her door to be trashed, and sees the hot young guy (Bjorn Mosten, top photo, left, and below) on a ladder drilling (and drilling...and drilling).  Receptionist tells her that he's Max, the IT Guy.  

"He doesn't usually do much drilling." 

 "Well, tell him to drill quietly!"

Max scoffs.  "How am I supposed to do my job?"  Receptionist doesn't answer; she's staring at his butt.  He storms out.

Max nude after the break

Everybody Loves Greg: Vincent Martella grows up, plays Phineas, dates some guys. With some d*cks and Skyler Gisondo

 We've been watching Everybody Hates Chris (2005-2009) on Hulu: a nostalgia sitcom featuring the  childhood adventures of comedian Chris Rock, who provided the commentary.  In the 1980s, young Chris (Tyler James Williams) attended an all-white middle school, where everyone hated him, except his teacher, who pitied him for..stereotype of the week.  

He had a bully with an endless supply of racist terms (Travis Flory), a white best friend (Vincent Martella), and at home, Dad with about 35 jobs (Terry Crews), way overbearing Mom (Tichina Arnold), bratty little sister (Imani Hakim), and a little brother (Tequan Richmond), who was bigger, and far more attractive: everybody was in love with him, which was usually fine,but a problem around Valentine's Day, when the truckloads of cards, candy, and wedding proposals arrived. 

It was quite homophobic, even for the 2000s.  Chris Rock's commentary displayed revulsion and disgust whenever he could: "Hey, this ain't Brokeback!"  One episode featured Chris befriending a gay student, but they called him "androgynous."

Nearly 20 years later, the cast varies on their level of homophobia, from Terry Crewes and Tyler James Williams (ugh!).

To Tequan Richmond and Imani Hakim (allies)

 To Vincent Martella, seen here at a Clippers game with  Mikey Reid.

After Chris, he became the voice of Phineas in the animated Phineas and Ferb, which is endless: 140 episodes from 2007-2025, plus thousands of movies: Christmas Vacation, Across the Second Dimension, Mission Marvel....

Vincent has done some other animation work, like the video game Final Fantasy XIII, Batman: Death in the Family, and Disney Infinity

Left: Vincent and Mikey have fun during the COVID quarantine.

Vincent's live-action work includes Patrick in three episodes of The Walking Dead: he is a member of a zombie holocaust survivor community in an abandoned prison. Then he get sick, dies, zombifies, and creates a new zombie infestation.

I have a question about this Cupid costume.  

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

My 16 favorite Gemstone cocks, displayed on the show and off, from Zack's mini to Brock's tree trunk

The Righteous Gemstones was unique in its enthusiastic portrayal of penises in nearly every episode. lus a number of the actors who didn't get a chance to show their stuff on the show have obligingly posted pictures of their inches on the internet.  Here are my favorites, some huge, some not, but all a pleasure to watch.

1. Stephen Schneider (left) as Stephen had an affair with Judy Gemstone in Season 3.  Her husband BJ burst into his house during a j/o session, and fought him to reclaim his manhood. The actor was offered a prosthetic, but he wanted to perform with his real cock on display.  I can see why.

2. Blair Jackson played the boyfriend of Dot Nancy, whom Kelvin Gemstone is trying to draw away from Satan, in Season 1.  Off-camera, he has shown us his stuff.

3. Walton Goggins.  In our first view of the elderly grifter Baby Billy, he stands up in his bathtub to reveal a cock of superhuman proportions (they actually useed a stand in).  It re-appeared so often in Season 4 that even gay male viewers got tired of it.

4. Stephen Dorf,  who played the nasty, homophobic, and probably gay megachurch pastor Vance Simkins, goes full frontal in a movie from 2005.. 

5. Jak Kriskowski appeared in a scene where Pontius enrolls in military school.  His scene was cut, but Jak joined the army in real life, and has given us a cute peeking-out-of-his-pants shot.

6, Kelton Dumont, as wild child Pontius Gemstone, was caught schtupping his girlfriend and jumped up and tried to hide it. After a lot of photo manipulation, about all you can see is a bit of the shaft.  But I found a few other possibilities.

7. Adam Devine: To our disappointment, Kelvin Gemstone showed his backside quite often, but never his front. Probably to emphasize that he is a bottom, and self-conscious about his small size.  In real life, Adam is hung. We've seen it several times in his movies.

8. Cullen Moss as the security guard hot for Gideon's boyfriend Scotty.  He goes full frontal in a 2021 movie.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Andrew Santino: "Aren't gay guys hilarious? But have you heard what they do in bed?"

Today I started a review of Royal Crackers, an animated series on MAX about a family running a cracker empire.  As usual, I checked to see if any of the actors have beefcake photos or are gay.

Andrew Santino, who plays the washed-up rock star son: About a dozen beefcake photos.

Including a group rear.  Notice that the guy on the left has a cock hanging down.

And a frontal with a sock.

Gay: he's on a list of gay male celebrities, but there are also clips saying "Andrew responds to gay rumors," "I'm not gay no more," "Andrew finds out that he's gay,"  "Andrew's gay lover," "Andrew fails the gay test."

Well, which is it?  Is he gay, ex-gay, straight, bi, pan, straight but pretending to be gay as a joke?

Who is this guy, anyway?'

He appears in Game Over, Man and Adam Devine's House Party, and later interviews Adam on the Whiskey Ginger podcast: "What was your worst review?"

Adam: "I don't really get bad reviews, but sometimes they devote three paragraphs to my dick and only two lines to my acting."

More Andrew after the break. No more Adam, though.

Cullen Moss: Two drag queens, two homophobes, a security guard, a fairy, and a frontal

 

Cullen Moss is one of those actors who you've seen in a dozen tv shows and movies, but he is so completely immersed in the role that when you see him again, you don't recognize him.  

Born in Brooklyn but raised in North Carolina, he graduated from Mount Tambor High School in 1993 and moved immediately into local North Carolina theater.  A lot of iconic and gay-positive roles:

Stanley in A Streetcar Named Desire

Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream

Alan Strang, the one who gets naked on stage in Equus

Clifford Bradshaw, the Christopher Isherwood character, in Cabaret

The drag queen Albin in La Cage aux Folles

The closeted, homophobic Roy Cohn in Angels in America

His tv career began with some voiceovers in the 90s, followed by a starring role in One Tree Hill, 2003-2012, as Junk Moretti, a high school student with a "girlfriend who lives in Canada" (we've all been there; mine lived in Paris). 

Later Cullen has played a detective in Your Honor, a cop in The Walking Dead, and ..his list of credits on IMDB goes on like that.

In a two-episode story arc on Eastbound & Down in 2013, Cullen played Mark, "the smarmy, slow-motion punching, donut-gifting smuck of a rental car company manager," boss of Danny McBride's washed-up baseball player.

This led to a role as Brock, head security guard of the Gemstone Compound in Righteous Gemstones Episodes 1.6 and 1.7.  Scotty, Gideon's "friend from California" and co-conspirator in the blackmail scheme, flirts with him to get easy access to compound, even asking for shirtless photos.  He is shown reading a gay magazine latr.

Brock returns in Episode 1.9, to deny BJ admission after he and Judy break up, criticize his name, and act like a macho jerk.

In Episode 2.3, he announces that Eli's friend Junior is at the front gate.  Eli says to not admit him, and they argue.

Since the Gemstones, Cullen has had starring roles in Black Bird, The Outer Banks, and Your Honor, and he has Rebel Girl coming up.

Not a lot of beefcake photos on his social media.  His instagram is devoted mostly to photos of his projects, and his wife and family.

More after the break

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory, Kieran, and Ansel cocks, and "Kelvin Gemstone, Boy Adventurer"

Richie Rich, an impossibly wealthy 12-year old boy in a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit, was a mainstay of Harvey Comics from his first introduction in 1953 until the company folded in 1982.   

You may be familiar with the 1994 movie version, starring Macaulay Culkin and his brother Rory (above) as Richie Rich, and Michael Maccarone, aka Maccadeath, as his pal Omar (Freckles in the comics)

The reviews were awful.  But what about the comics?

They started as exclusively humorous -- Richie wants to jump rope, but can't find one, so he uses a huge pearl necklace. I never cared much for them, preferring the science-fiction and mystery-style stories of Casper's Ghostland

But by the 1970s, Richie was augmenting the humor with serious Hardy Boys-style mysteries, paranormal, espionage, and adventure stories.  They were more interesting, if you could overlook the Little Lord Fauntleroy suit that he continued to wear.

By the end of his run, Richie was starring in over fifty monthly or bimonthly titles, far more than all of the other Harvey characters put together.  

So many thousands of stories required a huge supporting cast, so Richie quickly received a girlfriend, , some boy pals from the wrong side of the tracks, a mischievous cousin, a gold-digger with a crush on him -- or his money -- and crossovers from the other naturalistic Harvey comics, Little Dot, Little Lotta, and Little Audrey (I don't know why all the girls were "little").  He  paired with Casper the Friendly Ghost, although he always explained their adventures together as dreams. He even got a boyfriend.

But his most significant boy pal was Jackie Jokers.

 

48 issues of Richie Rich and Jackie Jokers appeared between 1973 and 1982, with humorous and adventure stories pairing Richie with the 12-year old stand-up comedian.  It soon became apparent that they liked each other.  A lot   Holding hands during the crisis, hugging when the crisis was averted, stammering "If anything were to happen to you....".  

Left: nuclear war in a kids' comic.

In one story, Jackie makes his romantic intentions very clear: "If you weren't always wearing that silly red bowtie, I'd marry you."  He'll take the tie off for the honeymoon, dude.

Coincidentally or not, during this same time period, Richie begins to beef up.  Previously the shirtless and swimsuit shots depicted a nondescript cartoon body.  Now he had biceps, pecs, and abs, to draw the interest of the preteen gay boys who were reading about his romance with Jackie Jokers. 

The cover art contrasted his buff bod with horrible puns.  It must have been difficult to make up 50 money-based puns every month.

Some dicks after the break

Brock Cock, Part 1: From the God Squad to the Immortal Kane, with bonus Daryl McCormack and James Duval

 

Everybody needs a little Brock O'Hurn now and then.  At least his 1.7 million instagram followers think so.  Brock has played any number of muscle-hunks, including Hulk Hogan, Thor, Tarzan, a "swole Mel Brooks," and guys named Horse and Ragnar Stormbringer.  

He may be most famous as  Torsten, the "gentle giant" of the God Squad, a homoerotic muscle commune, in Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones.  Presumably Adam Devine isn't in character here, or he'd be much more interested in the muscles pressing against him.

Here Brock is a shirtless cowboy in the video Wild West Showdown.  

Brock is a co-creator and model for Kane Comic Universe about an immortal muscleman who travels through time, fighting demons, evil gods, madmen, and so on. Warning: Issue #2 features women's boobs rather than Brock pecs.

I promised Brock cock, but actually, he has only one nude scene on tv, in Euphoria, which I post in Brock Cock Part 2.   I just like saying "Brock cock."

But to fill my cock quota, here's Irish actor Daryl McCormack.

More Brock and cock after the break