"Brassic": The top ten beefy, brawling Midlands blokes, with some bonus Brummie knobs

Brassic (slang for "poor") follows a gang of working-class lads in the town of Hawley, near Manchester.  Their escapades involve mostly thefts that go wrong, marijuana deals that go wrong,  and brawling -- lots of beefy guys sweating in barns.  A lot of male nudity, of the butt variety.  And, surprisingly, some gay representation.  

Here are the top ten hunks: 

1. Dylan (Damien Molony. right), who passed up a chance to go to uni to stay with the lads.  

2. Tommo (Ryan Sampson, left) runs secret S&M nights for the town's businessmen.  Presumably heterosexual S&M, although actor Ryan Sampson is gay.  He came out while starring in the comedy Plebs, and introduced the world to his boyfriend on instagram.

3. Vinnie (Joe Gilgun), the leader, grew up in a safe-blowing family.  He suffers from bipolar disorder, and has a son with his best friend Dylan's girlfriend. 

Ryan Sampson's bum in Plebes

4. Ash (Aaron Heffernan) grew up in a fighting family of Irish travelers (nomads).  He is still a bare-knuckle boxer and the muscle of the gang, and gay (out to his friends, but not to his family).  Nothing in the episode synopsis about getting a boyfriend.

5. Cardi (Tom Hanson) got his nickname from "cardiac arrest" due to his weight (although you'd never know it from his nude scene).  He appears to be cognitively disabled, and acts as the runner for the gang

Midland dicks after the break

The Twelve Bare Butts of "Animal Kingdom." With some faces

 

Someone recommended Animal Kingdom, not to be confused with the Animal Kingdom at Disney World, the Animal Planet network, or a tv show entitled Animal Control.  This one is a drama featuring the struggle for succession in a crime family led by...Smurf? Really?   "Ok, boys, I want you to go smurf out those rival smurfs and smurf their bodies."

 There are a lot of sons, grandsons, and boy toys, even a gay one.  Most are sleazy, scruffy, and tattooed, not my cup of tea.  But most get bare butt scenes, so you don't have to look at their face.

Link to the G-rated version, with the faces

1. Scott Speedman as Baz, adopted Smurf, who wants to try new crime techniques instead of Mama Smurf's old fashioned smurfing. 

2. In flashbacks to 1992 and 1996, Baz is smurfed by Darren Mann.

3. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, eldest Smurf, who suffers from mental illness and does a lot of risky smurf. Plus he's smurfed in prison.

4.  Kevin Csolak smurfs as Pope in the flashbacks.

5. Ben Robson as Craig, middle Smurf, who parties and does drug instead of paying attention to the smurfing. 

6. Jake Weary as Deran, youngest Smurf, the moral one who is trying to distance himself from the family, running a surfing shop instead of smurfing crime. He is closeted for a long time, but when he finally comes out they are fine with it. 

More butts after the break

Bobby and Jake Cannavale: Nude photos of the father and son, not in prison or the Mafia, but sometimes gay

 

In the prison drama Oz, lawyer Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen) is sentenced to prison for a drunk driving.  He starts a romantic/sadistic relationship with the violent Chris Keller (Bobby Cannavale).  It's a homophobic portrayal, tawdry and sinister, juxtaposed with the bright, shiny innocent image of Tobias going on a picnic with his wife.  After he is released, Tobias wants to visit Keller, but Keller refuses: go back to your normal heterosexual life, and forget about the nasty stuff you did here.

Wait -- according to the Oz wiki, Keller is played by Christopher Meloni, not Bobby Cannavale

Ok, let's try again.  On The Sopranos, Mafia boss Jackie Aprile tries to get his son Jackie Aprile, Jr. (Bobby Cannavale) interested in the family business, but the boy would rather go to college.  He gradually drifts into crime with his gay-subtext buddy Dino, and...wait -- according to the Sopranos wiki, Jackie Jr. is played by Jason Cerbone, not Bobby Cannavale. 

So who the heck is Bobby Cannavale?

He has 124 acting credits on the IMDB, including regular roles on Nurse Jackie, Boardwalk Empire, Vinyl, Will and Grace, Angie Tribeca, Mr. Robot, Homecoming, Nine Perfect Strangers. and The Watcher. 

I've only seen him as Will's boyfriend on Will and Grace.  But apparently I mistook a lot of other actors for him.  I was going to write about his many gay characters, but I'm not familiar with any but Will's boyfriend.  Let's just skip to the dicks.

In Boardwalk Empire (2010), Bobby plays Gyp Rossetti, a Sicilian gangster who gets naked while killing a woman. 

He shows his butt in Win Win, a "sports comedy"

More dick after the break