Marvel Cinematic Universe movies are not great at LGBT representation, and for some reason Spider-man movies are the worst of the lot: "Like all stories, and I mean every single story that has ever been told from Gilgamesh on to the present, including Death in Venice, The City and the Pillar, Call Me By Your Name, and Heartstopper, this story is about a boy and a girl." So I went into Spider-Man: Brand New Day expecting to hear "feminine smiles are the meaning of life!" every few minutes.
I wasn't wrong.
There are three plotlines that actually could be three separate movies.
Plot #1: In the last movie, Spidey, aka Peter Parker (Tom Holland), zapped the memories of his True Love MJ and buddy Ned to "keep them safe." Now he's living as a full-time superhero, ignoring the advice of his supervisor and the superhero Black Widow that he should get a girlfriend.
Suddenly his powers start accelerating, giving him Hulk-style Roid Rage, but his web things fail to work at the most awkward moments. He needs a device to inhibit some of his spider DNA while allowing the rest of it to keep giving him superpowers. So he seeks out Incredible Hulk Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo, left), who teaches at Empire State University.
Hulky has lost his True Love.
Cliche alert: His Advanced Physics class is held in a giant lecture hall, like all college classes in movies.
Plot #2:
After interrogating the various people who helped the Supervillain Scorpion (Michael Mando) escape, Spidey realizes that they're dealing with a being who can jump from mind to mind, peering into their memories and controlling their actions. They're interested in getting access to a secret vault at the Damage Control headquarters (where they clean up the damage caused by superhero fights, including a lot of superpower-enhancing detritus).
Eventually the being occupies the mind of Spidey's True Love MJ, and threatens to kill her unless he helps with their goal. But some of the stuff at Damage Control could kill millions of people, so Spidey refuses.
More after the break, with a spoiler and a cock.
Spidey rescues MJ and entrusts her to his friend Frank (Jon Berenthal) for safekeeping.
Frank has a shrine to his dead wife and kids.
Spoiler alert: I don't usually worry about spoilers, but this one was rather surprising.
The being with the mind-jumping powers is Jane Grey, but not the Jane Grey of the X-Men movies, who is dating Cyclops (James Marsden and Ty Sheridan, left) This one is a teenager. The mystery behind the vault is actually her sister, who also has mind-control powers. The evil Bill Metzger (Trammell Tillman), head of Damage Control, was conducting dangerous experiments on her to try to weaponize her powers.
When Spidey finds out, he wants to help. By this point Mr. Bill has kidnapped Jane and is conducting experiments on her. But she goes full supervillain, destroys the lab, and takes Bill and everyone in a five mile radius hostage.
Mr. Bill has a dead wife.
Plot #3: While picking up flowers to put on his Aunt May's grave, Spidey runs into his memory-wiped friend Ned (Jacob Batalon), and follows him into a house party so he can see his True Love again (Ned and True Love went to MIT together, and are now roommates).
After True Love MJ's mind control ordeal, Spidey reveals their past together. She doesn't remember him, so she doesn't want to resume the relationship, but she's open to being friends. Spidey spends the afternoon hanging out with her and Ned, as Spider-man.
In the final scene, again holding flowers, Spidey as Peter Parker approaches Ned at the coffee shop and tries out their secret handshape. Ned remembers it, and then remembers their friendship! The end.
Beefcake: The Black Widow has intel, and wants to meet Spidey in "her office," actually a straight bathhouse. He strips to everything but a towel and his mask.
At the end of their interview, she points out that he's not anonymous anymore, because "I've seen your belly button." I thought she was going to say "penis."
We see Spidey shirtless several times, and his suit bulges nicely.
Heterosexism: A plethora of "She's my true love"; "My life is meaningless without her!"; "She means everything to me!", not only from Spidey but from at least three guys with dead wives. I may have missed a few.
Minor characters are divided into male-female couples. At one point Spidey even crashes a wedding.
Gay Reference: The Black Widow asks Spidey if he has "a girlfriend or a boyfriend." Later, True Love MJ asks the same question, but only says "girlfriend."
Queer Code: Ned displays no heterosexual interest, hangs out only with guys and displays no interest in his roommate MJ, who is dating another guy (Eman Esfandi). He sounds like the gay bff of romantic comedy. Only in this movie, however; elsewhere he gets girls.
Spidey as Peter gazes at Ned twice with falling-in-love intensity, with the flowers adding to the queer code. If I wasn't aware of their past friendship, I'd swear that it was a romantic courtship.
And in-universe, why does Ned remember Spidey, but True Love MJ doesn't? Sounds like he has a stronger emotional investment.
I'm sure it is not canonical. This is Marvel, after all, where every story is about a boy and a girl.
See also:Baylen Bielitz: The kid version of the gay superhero Wiccan visits Oz and The Secret Garden, buddies with Jett Kyte, crushes on Spider-Man.
"American Gigolo," 1980 and 2022: Frontal nudity and homophobia, or underwear shots and gay erasure. Which do you prefer? Mentions Jon Bernthal
"Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse": How Is This Not a Coming-Out Movie?
Why I Walked Out on Spider-Man
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