Matt Crabtree: Shy, quiet, stuttering Southern boy grows up to "Modern Family," "Will and Grace," one-man shows, and dicks

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Arabic and Class Rings: Cruising at West Point during my junior year in high school

It's the beginning of my junior year in high school, time to register for the ACT and the SAT, the college entrance exams.  But my parents are vehemently opposed to the idea of college.

They can't afford it.

It's unnecessary -- I'm already smart enough to go to work in the factory.

It's un-Christian, full of Catholics and atheists.

But I've been insistent, littering the house with catalogs and brochures, and finally Dad gives in:  "Ok, you can go to college, as long as it's Olivet.  Or West Point."

A dull, Sunday school-like Bible  college on the prarie or the U.S. Military Academy?  "I understand why you want me to go to Olivet," I tell him, "But why West Point?"

"I'll tell you why: full tuition, room and board, plus a stipend.  All you have to do is sign up for five years of active duty afterwards."

"Five years in the Army!  That sounds awful!"

Dad's eyes narrow.  "I was in the Navy for four years.  It was the best time of my life.  A real man's world.  You don't know what real friends are until you've fought side by side."

"Um...a man's world?  Real friends?"  I imagine sitting in class surrounded by hunky collegiate athletes, the cream of the crop, the most muscular in America, stripping down next to them in the locker room, sleeping beside them in the dorms...  "But...um... I'm not big on military science.  I want to major in Arabic."

"They have Arabic," Dad says, leafing through the catalog.  "And Chinese.  You can major in both, if you're that into languages.  Plus, it's only an hour from Manhattan.  You like all that Broadway musical stuff, right?"

Arabic, Broadway musicals, and army hunks?  It wouldn't hurt to apply....

The application process begins during your junior year, with the SAT, a medical exam, and a physical fitness test: push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, a 400-yard dash, a mile run, and a basketball throw (you don't actually have to make a basket).

In April, I receive a letter stating that I've passed the first set of requirements.  Now I have to get a nomination from my Senator, Representative, or the President of the United States.

No problem: I already know Tom Railsback,  the representative from the 19th district for as long as I can remember.  He is a local boy, and a counterculture hero, having drafted the articles of impeachment against President Richard Nixon.

He says that there are four guys in the 19th district asking to be nominated, the most in a decade.

Just to be on the safe side, I approach our senator, Charles H. Percy, too, even though he's a Republican and I'm a staunch Democrat.

In June, my acceptance into the official applicant pool arrives.  Now I have to fill out some more forms, submit some letters attesting to my moral character, get a psychological evaluation, and come in for an interview.

 "More hoops to jump through, just to join the army!" I complain.  "You know, Olivet offered me a scholarship, and I'll bet I could get one at Augustana, too."

"Do they offer Arabic?" Dad asks. 

I keep silent and continue the application process.

The psychological evaluation is  administered by the school counselor: MMPI, with several questions designed to weed out the gay prospects, some blatant ("I am attracted to members of my own sex") and some keying into gay stereotypes ("I am closer to my mother than to my father.").

This actually comes as a relief.  I have not yet figured "it" out, and I am immersed in the homophobic Evangelical subculture.  I am literally afraid of gay men. If a feminine guy appears on tv, I leave the room..  No way could I go to any college that allows gays in!

Admissions interviews are being held in Chicago and Des Moines. but Dad insists that we go to West Point itself, so I can see how great it is.

In July, we leave Mom and my brother and sister visiting our family in Indiana, and drive out with my Uncle Paul: twelve hours on the highway, a very long trip even with the three of us sharing the driving.  Then a day at West Point, and another very long day driving back.

The campus is very beautiful, stately Gothic architecture on a bluff overlooking the Hudson River.  Some of the buildings date from the Revolutionary Era.

 But soon I notice some problems:

Arabic is no longer offered as a major.  You can take two years of classes while you major in something else.

More after the break.  Caution: explicit

Gemstones Episode 4.7: Pontius and Kelvin have their nards threatened, Gideon finds his voice, and skaters show their d*cks

 

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6, Continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life.  With Mongolian men and Jace's junk

Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV.  

The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge."  Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.

Left and below: Michael Sayfou, who plays Ash, Pontius' friend (and Abraham's boyfriend in my fan fiction)

The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.

Cobb's Story:  

We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator!  Various hooks, tools, skins, and Lori's ex-husband Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."  

Lori drives up and yells "Nope!  We're not doing this again!"  She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with.  She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.

He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away.  Must be my animal magnetism."  But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time?  I'd be calling the moment it happened.

Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus.  "Gators are territorial.  Invade their territory, they'll bite you."  Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience!  The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy.  It must be a misdirection.

Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop.  Shouldn't he have someone working during the show?   Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble." 

Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge.  He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men.  Call, click, connect.  First half hour free."

Ok, this has to be fake.  Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly.  Escorts usually work from a standard client list.  You would neveer specify "wealthy men."  And what does "first half hour free" mean?  You charge by the act, not by the hour.

Cut to lunch. Eli asks Lori about the escort business ad. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me."  There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.

Eli also ran a credit check.  "You're broke.  You declared bankruptcy last year."

This makes Lori angry.  Accusing her of being a "whore," and then of being a gold-digger!  "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money.  I thought she was exaggerating."  She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out. 

Kelvin's Story

Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in. 

Kelvin: "This is what cowards do.  They hide in their forts."  In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?  

Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is worried about him, but Kelvin doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned.  They just realized that I am a failure."

Tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going.  Now go away."

Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today.  Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."

The Monkey's Story

In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times, yuck! -- while Judy fumes.   

Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her.  Then it jumps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor.  She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt.  Gross!  

BJ says that it's not a competition.  He loves both Judy and the Monkey.

Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy.  Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe."  Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses the Monkey's suggestion that she visit and talk to him.

Vance's Story 

At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest).  He was the only real competition."  Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. 

But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all.  It strengthens me."

Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin -- if he has the nards to show."   He takes a meatball from Jesse's plate and, pretending that it is a testicle, eats it.  "Tasty."

Left: Kelvin's nards.

More nards after the break

Zach Galligan: The "Gremlins" guy ruined my childhood, sort of. Plus his dick, Michelangelo's David, and Bubba's bulge

The spring of 1984 was dark and dismal, endless days and weeks and months of trying and failing.  A degree in English and Modern Languages with professors who said "You can do anything you want. Go into advertising, or public relations, or book publishing."  A hundred resumes sent to advertising agencies, public relations firms, and publishing houses all over the country, with no answer or "no openings."  By the end of May, my friends had all gone home for the summer or graduated, so I walked the streets of Bloomington alone, looking up at the cross on the tower of a distant church and wondering if there was anything ahead but dead ends.

On the evening of June 15th, I saw Gremlins,  starring 20-year old Zach Galligan as a teenager who accidentally feeds his mogwai after midnight, thus turning it into a rampaging monster.

 The movie itself was of minimal interest. Zach may have had a buddy-bonding friendship with fellow mogwai enthusiast Corey Feldman on the way to winning the Girl of His Dreams.

It was Zach's jaw-dropping handsomeness that convinced me that there was some good left in the world, leading to a job in Texas and eventually to West Hollywood.

During the next years and decades, I didn't learn much more about Zach.  I never saw him in any other movie or tv show, except maybe a 1998 episode of Star Trek: Voyager, where I didn't recognize him.

There was an occasional photo or reference on one of the gay celebrity websites that we had back in the days of America Online and Myspace.  They revealed that: 

1. Zach was tied up in a lot of his movies.  This shot appeared over and over.  

And:

2. He was gay in real life.  I never questioned this.

A few days ago, I noticed a run on my earlier profile of Zach Galligan, so I started researching him for a new profile.   

First, n*de photos.  

A butt pic was easy.

A frontal, a little harder to find.  I don't think this is him.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Brendan Scannell: M&M Guy, queer Heather, bondage top, stand-up comedian. With the boyfriend and Joel Kim Booster

When I reviewed the Disney Channel's long, tediously careful coming-out story Diary of a Future President, I didn't recognize the M&M guy, Brendan Scannell.  But he starred in a Netflix tv series that I reviewed, Bonding (2018, 2021), one of those semi-autobiographical series featuring the early experiences of a gay comedian (Rightor Doyle, not Brendan).

The bonding on my other website means male bonding, gay-subtext friendships. This bonding is BDSM.

Psychology student Tiff gets a job as a dominatrix (heterosexual BDSM top), and talks her friend, aspiring comedian Pete (Brendan), into becoming her assistant.  Well, he gets to touch hot guys' willies, and most heterosexual BDSM scenes don't involve vanilla sex. Besides, he's sort of bi.

Episodes involve learning the ropes of BDSM (har har),  quirky clients, Pete introducing his BDSM experiences into his comedy act, and both of them facing the problem of how to tell romantic partners about their job. Pete dates Josh (Theo Stockman), and Tiff Doug (Micah Stock, left).

Alex Hurt, left, plays Pete's wacky roommate, who is sort of straight.

I found it a bit too cliched, depending on silly stereotypes, especially of clients.  Plus a bit too heterosexual for a gay coming out story: Pete is sort of in love with Tiff.

Brendan has 25 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with heterosexual roles like a disgruntled husband in  Limp and Crunchy (2015) and disgruntled prank victim bait in Kill Game (2016).  

But he got to be gay, or rather queer (wearing feminine outfits and use they/them pronouns) as Heather Duke in the 2018 tv version of Heathers.  In case you haven't seen the 1988 movie or 2010 musical, it's not a comedy.  There are multiple murders and suicides, plus blowing up the prom.

More after the break

Why you should visit Viaden: 12 Luxembourgish guys with grossen Wirscht, some with tree trunks. Plus BDSM and Uncle Scrooge

 

No profile or review mentions Luxembourg; I just like the country.   They have an interesting Medieval festival in Vianden, about an hour north of Luxembourg City, on the German border.

With a lot of cute guys.

1.-2. A juggler and a random guy in Medieval garb.

Vianden castle

A Chinese restaurant in Echternach, about 30 minutes from Vianden.

3. Echternach chef

4.-6. Cyclist bulges

7.-8. A gay swimmer into bondage.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

David Naughton: The cutest guy of the Disco Era tells us to "Be a Pepper" and shows us his d*ck

 

Is this not the cutest guy you've ever seen?  Other than Wes Stern (sigh) and Adam Devine, of course.

Between 1977 and 1981, the recent University of Pennsylvania graduate David Naughton could be seen in dozens of tv commercials, prancing about in a white shirt, black vest, and bulging jeans, selling Dr. Pepper.

"I'm a Pepper -- wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?"

I don't like the soft drink, but the spokesman was one of my first crushes.

David's fame from the commercials led to an invitation to star in Makin' It (1979), a rip-off of Saturday Night Fever with David and Greg Antonacci as disco-dancing brothers.  He also recorded the theme song:

Makin' it, oo makin' it, I'm solid gold.

I've got the goods

They stand when I walk through the neighborhoods

I'm makin' it

"Hit tv series" was a little premature: Makin' It was canned after nine episodes.

Next came Midnight Madness (1980), with teams of college students on an all-night scavenger hunt.  David's team, the good guys, includes his younger brother (Michael J. Fox before Family Ties).  There are also teams of jocks, spoiled rich kids, and girls.  I didn't notice any gay subtexts.

But American Werewolf in London (1981) has one.

College students David and Griffin Dunne are hiking through the Scottish highlands, when they are attacked by a werewolf.  Griffin is killed, and David turns, in scenes that emphasize his physique and penis.

More after the break