"Thunderbolts": Three misfit assassins, Captain America's sidekick, and Bob fight Elaine from "Seinfeld." Most have n*de photos.

 

For movie night last night, we saw Thunderbolts (2025), with "an unconventional team of misfits" (is there any other kind?) working together to escape a deadly trap and fight a mad scientist.  The intended audience consists of fanboys who instantly recognize the characters and situations from other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but I got along fine by keeping the Marvel Wiki open on my cell phone.  

Back story: The Avengers (Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Thor, and a few others) saved the world in 12 MCU movies, but they have disbanded, taking a beefcake bonanza with them, and leaving the United States vulnerable to scowling, teeth-gritting "rogue nations." What about Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, and other non-Avenger superheroes?

CIA director, senator, mad scientist, and all-around Big Bad Valentina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) tried to create a home-grown superhero, ostensibly for national defense, but actually so she could use him to take over the world.Things went wrong, people died, and now she is undergoing impeachment proceedings.  To save her skin, she scours the files of wrongdoing, and plots to get rid of the four assassins on her payroll. 

Left: Julia Louis-Dreyfuss has starred in several tv series during the last few decades, but I still see her as equally evil Elaine of Seinfeld.

How do you get rid of assasins?  By assigning each to kill another,  then trapping them in a super-protected vault a hundred miles below the surface, and blowing it up.

The assassins are:

1. Yelena from Black Widow (2021).  Superhero Black Widow's adopted sister, trained as an assassin from childhood.  She is struggling with grief over the Widow's death, and suffers from periods of existential angst.

2. Antonia from Black Widow, also trained as an assassin from childhood.  She is killed during the initial battle.

3. John Walker (Wyatt Russell, left) from the tv series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021).  He was trained to be Captain America's replacement after Cap died or something, but the others think he's a government yes-man, and refer to him disparagingly as  "Captain America Light."

Left: Wyatt Russell's butt.

4. Ava from Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018):  due to her molecular instability, she was in constant pain, and captured the superhero duo hoping that they could help.  They managed to stabilize her, but she can still phase through walls.

5. Civilian Bob (Lewis Pullman) is just hanging around the super-secret vault.  He doesn't know how he got there.  The last thing he remembers is being a meth head and all around loser who signed up for a medical experiment in Kuala Lumpur, hoping that it would make him "better."  

The three surviving assasins recognize that they are being set up, and work together (with Bob's inept attempts to help) to escape from the vault.  

Problem: Big Bad Valentina and her head general, Holt (Chris Bauer), have assembled a huge army to take them out.  Civilian Bob distracts them so his new friends can escape.  He is shot many times, jumps ten miles into the stratosphere, and crashes to Earth, but survives.  Valentina's crew captures him.

More after the break.

Toby Huss: Artie The Strongest Man in the World, The Wiz, Dot's Dad, and other iconic figures. Plus an interest in penises

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David Naughton: The cutest guy of the Disco Era tells us to "Be a Pepper" and shows us his d*ck

 

Is this not the cutest guy you've ever seen?  Other than Wes Stern (sigh) and Adam Devine, of course.

Between 1977 and 1981, the recent University of Pennsylvania graduate David Naughton could be seen in dozens of tv commercials, prancing about in a white shirt, black vest, and bulging jeans, selling Dr. Pepper.

"I'm a Pepper -- wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?"

I don't like the soft drink, but the spokesman was one of my first crushes.

David's fame from the commercials led to an invitation to star in Makin' It (1979), a rip-off of Saturday Night Fever with David and Greg Antonacci as disco-dancing brothers.  He also recorded the theme song:

Makin' it, oo makin' it, I'm solid gold.

I've got the goods

They stand when I walk through the neighborhoods

I'm makin' it

"Hit tv series" was a little premature: Makin' It was canned after nine episodes.

Next came Midnight Madness (1980), with teams of college students on an all-night scavenger hunt.  David's team, the good guys, includes his younger brother (Michael J. Fox before Family Ties).  There are also teams of jocks, spoiled rich kids, and girls.  I didn't notice any gay subtexts.

But American Werewolf in London (1981) has one.

College students David and Griffin Dunne are hiking through the Scottish highlands, when they are attacked by a werewolf.  Griffin is killed, and David turns, in scenes that emphasize his physique and penis.

More after the break

Harry Jowsey: New Zealand reality star, Boyfriend Dick Podcaster, Onlyfans nude model, "Call me gay."

22-year old New Zealand-based fitness model Harry Jowsey first appeared on screen on Heartbreak Island, and gained international fame on the Netflix reality series Too Hot to Handle (2020). It was based on the Seinfeld episode "The Contest": hetero hunks and babes had to live in close quarters without hooking up.  Proven "Master of his Domain," Harry split the $100,000 prize with the other  winners.  His "smouldering s*xual tension" with some of the ladies spun him into 4 million social media followers.  

And several podcasts. In Boyfriend Material, Harry and his guests give humorous relationship advice based upon his experience of hooking up with about 200 women.

It is notable for the viral term Boyfriend Dick, based upon Harry's description of his penis: No too big, not too small, looks nice, gets the job done.

More reality tv followed: Match Me If You Can, The Amazing Race Australia, Dancing with the Stars, and Perfect Match.  

Plus the upcoming movie The Wrong Paris (2025): a woman joins a reality tv show in "Paris," thinking that she's going to France, but it's the one in Texas. The women outnumber the men in the cast three to one, but there are a few hunks: Pierson Fode, Torrance Coombs, Kaden Connors (left), and William Wilder.

Harry seems to be veering back and forth between ally and homophobe. 

In September 2021, youtuber and trans activist Nikki Dragun included a picture of him in her video "Dick."  Fans got upset: "You hooked up with a dude, man!"  

Harry had assumed that the relationship would be private, but now that it was open, he explained, Nikki Dragun is a woman.  Trans or cisgender, what's the difference.

Sounds like an ally. except in October 2021, on his Tap It podcast, he complained that "some f*ggot" was trying to hook up with him.  He was referring to makeup youtuber James Charles.  Later he apologized, and stated that he supported the LGBT community.

In 2022, Harry demonstrated his support by posting some photos wearing a dress, and fans again became irate: "That's wrong, man." 

Boyfriend dick after the break