Foundation: The top 12 hunks of the tv series based on Isaac Asimov's incredibly boring "classic" science fiction

Every three or four years since I was around 15, I've picked up Isaac Asimov's Foundation (1951), lured by assurances that it's a magnificent accomplishment, a classic, essential reading, the book that propelled science fiction from Buck Rogers-style space operas to college literature classrooms.

So I start.  And it's just so darn bo--rrrr--ing that I give up after 10 or 20 pages.  Asimov is obsessed with politics, economics, and business, three of the dullest topics imaginable.  And there are no descriptions of anything.  Ever.  

There's a Foundation tv series on Apple Plus, but from the description it seems to committing an even worse sin: rampant heteronormativity.  So I don't think I'll be watching.  Let's just look at the hunks instead.

We've seen the premise 100 times before, but I suppose that in 1951, it was brand new:  12,000 years after the beginning of the Galactic Empire, it is in decline.  Just like...um...er...the Roman Empire?   Asimov is not good at cultural changes, so people 20,000 or so years from now act exactly the way they did in 1951, smoking cigars, wearing neckties, and filling their offices with men only.  They don't even have automatic elevators.

There are five or six parts, each with different characters.  I've only read the first:  A  young man named Gael travels from the provinces to the galactic hub planet of Trantor.  En route, he explains in detail how the spaceship works, which seems ridiculous.  Do you usually spend your flight thinking about how airplanes work?

1. Alfred Enoch as Raych. There are no women in Foundation except for nondescript wives, so in the tv series Gael becomes a woman, to add gender diversity (and heterosexism).  She gets a boyfriend, Raych, her boss's son.

In the city, Gael befriends a man named Jalen or something (naturally -- there are only male characters).  I'm thinking  "Gay subtext!"  But Jalen turns out to be a spy of the Galactic Empire, trying to get the dirt on his new boss, Hari Seldom or something.

2. Jared Harris as Hari Seldon.

Hairy has invented the field of psychohistory, which can predict societal change.  Asimov obviously doesn't know anything about the social sciences -- societal change is a matter for sociology, not psychology.  He has determined that the Galactic Empire is falling apart, leading to 30,000 years of Dark Ages. 

3. Lee Pace as Brother Day, one of the three emperor clones.  I don't think he appears in the original novels.

Predicting the fall of the Empire doesn't sit well with the Galactic Bigwigs:  They think that Hogwarts is trying to bring about the downfall.  So after an inquisition and trial,  they exile Hungover, Gael, and their workers (plus wives and children) to the planet of Terminus, on the far edge of the galaxy (20,000 years, and they still revere Latin?).

4. Cassion Bilton as Brother Dawn, another of the Emperor Clones.  Don't get excited, he's with a girl.

But it turns out that Hinkley has been manipulating the Galactic Big Wigs behind the scenes.  He wanted to go to Terminus, but he didn't think that his workers would go unless they were forced.  He needs a safe space to work on the vast Encyclopedia Galactica, which will preserve human knowledge and reduce the Dark Ages from 30,000 years to 1,000 years.  

Except it's all a trick.  A distraction.  The narrative switches to many years later, and a man named Salvor Hardin, who I thought was Hari Seldom's great-great grandson, but turns out to be just someone with an equally forgettable four-syllable name.  He discovers that the real goal of the Encyclopedists to start a revolt against...well, I don't know who.  

5. Daniel MacPherson as Hugo Cranst.  In the tv series, Salvor Hardin has become a woman too, so she can fall in love with a Han Solo-type.

By this point, I'm thinking "Life is too short.  I could be reading The Hobbit."  And I understand that the tv series is nothing like the books, anyway.

6. Brandon B. Bell as Han Pritcher, who falls in love with Gael (after her first boyfriend disintegrates) and works for the Foundation, although his real allegiance is to the Second Foundation.  I don't know what that means, either.

More hunks after the break

Jack Barlow: "Real Housewives" teen, Mormon missionary, hair-care guru, gay tease. With nude and bondage photos

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November 22, 1963: Failed writer goes back to practically perfect 1960. Does he buddy bond, or meet The Girl? With Franco cock but no glory holes

I love time travel stories.  I've read all the classics: "All You Zombies," "A Sound of Thunder," "By His Bootstraps," "Mimsy were the Borogoves."   Time travel movies, not so much: they all seem to be about meeting, winning, and finding infinite happiness with The Girl. But when 9-22-63 dropped on Netflix, I saw that the disillusioned writer and his buddy work together together to prevent the Kennedy assassination.  Gay subtext -- ok, I'm in.

Scene 1:  Elderly Adult Education student Harry (Leon Ripper) reads a story about a boy whose his father murdered his mother and siblings on Halloween night, 1960.  Teacher Jake (James Franco) gives him an A+ -- right in front of the class.   What if he got an F?

Then Jake goes to the run-down diner near a horrible closed factory and orders a burger from elderly Al (Chris Cooper, left), who complains about his eating habits.  Not a good idea to diss the food you sell, buddy.  

The ex-wife comes in; they discuss his father's death, and then he signs the divorce papers.  This woman acts as if she is deeply -- very deeply -- in love with him, so why are they getting a divorce?  So they can reconcile later on, or just to establish that he's heterosexual?

Al goes into the kitchen for a few minutes, then returns, pale and haggard, and collapses.

Scene 2: Jake takes him home.  Big reveal: He's got cancer. "But you were fine five minutes ago."  "Come over tomorrow, and I'll explain everything"  

Back to class: A film about shock therapy in the 1930s, while students laugh and are bored.  So are we establishing that Jake is an awful teacher, or that kids today are awful?  

Scene 3: At the diner, Al says he'll explain everything  if Jake goes into the closet, looks around, and comes back.  I'd be suspicious -- there could be bodies in there, or he could lock you in and keep you a prisoner.  But Jake goes in...

And...plop!  He's outside the diner, but back in the early 1960s.  There's a billboard for Moxie Cola, and kids playing softball instead of scrolling on their phones.  So it's like the wardrobe that leads to Narnia, You can also go back in time via a secret staircase  (on Dark Shadows) or in an elevator (Time at the Top).  

It's a wonderful, joyous, absurdly idealized world.  I couldn't get a screenshot that would do it justice. Everything is very bright, with primary colors dominating. Delighted factory workers file out for their lunch break.  A milkman (Colin Doyle) drops a bottle, and exclaims "For the love of Mike!"  No profanity in 1960, har har. Three girls drive past in a pink convertible.

An old guy notices that Jake is from the future, and yells "You shouldn't be here!"   So he runs back into the diner, and ends up in the present day.

"You were just in October 21, 1960," Al explains.  The time portal always goes back to the same moment.  He doesn't know where it came from or how it works, and he hasn't told anyone about it. But now that he's dying, Jake has to take over his goal: to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963.  So he wants a random stranger to do the job?

Scene 4:  Jake accepts time travel instantly, but wonders why Al is interested in the JFK assassination.  "Because if JFK lived, he would have stopped U.S. involvement in Vietnam, all those boys would be alive, and the world would return to how it should be, always summer,  primary colors, food that tastes good, polite kids, no divorce (hear that, Jake?), white men in charge (isn't your boss a woman, Jake buddy?), no gay people, and everyone joyful all the time."

Left: 1960s guys.

"Then why haven't you prevented the assassination already?"

Al tells him to go back to 1960, carve something in the tree outside, and see if it's still there today.   

Scene 5: Jake goes back -- same moment. He pushes off the "You don't belong here!" guy, carves JFK while locals glare at him, and rushes back to the present.

Left: Josh Duhamel, who plays Adult Education Student Harry's father, the one who murdered his family on Halloween, 1960.  Yeah, I thought it was fiction, too.

Yep, the carved JFK is still there.  But then it fades away.

"When you return to the present, time will reset.  You can stay for years, but when you get back, it resets. And no matter how long you're away, only two minutes have passed in the present." That's a lot of very precise rules for a magical gateway.

Oh, the reason he suddenly got sick: he went through for two years while Jake was signing the divorce papers.

"So if everything resets, how can I prevent the JFK assassination?"

"You have to go through, and never come back."   

I guess we've established, that Jake hates his job, he has no friends, his wife has divorced him, and his father is dead, so he has nothing to stay in 2016 for -- except the internet, global travel, medical breakthroughs, gay neighborhoods, cultural diversity....but it's a trade-off: life is perfect in the 1960s.   Um...I know this is Stephen King's nostalgic memory, but still, it's a little naive. Ok, a lot naive.   Life wasn't perfect in the 1960s, even for straight white men.

Al has prepared a fake id for him, a lot of early 1960s money, and a notebook full of sports matches to bet on, so he can support himself.  

Jake thinks he is crazy and runs off.

Scene 6: The Adult Education Program graduation.  Everyone is bored, not-engaged, not joyous, and the principal disses Harry, so Jake says "Screw it!  I'm going back to 1960!"

Al's dead, so Jake grabs the stuff, goes to the diner, and heads through the portal.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

"Run Away": Creepy Dad investigates his daughter's disappearance. With a hot hitman, a gay drug dealer, some cute guys, and Pointing's penis

  

The Netflix movie and tv adaptions of Harlan Coben's novels all have the same plot: a nuclear family starts to fall apart when a "dark secret" from the husband or wife's past emerges.  There are no gay characters, and all of the professional and friendship pairs are men and women -- no gay subtexts.   But the location shots are very pretty, there are ample hot guys wandering around the swimming pools of elegant mansions, and it's fun to watch a critique of the family structure that so aggressively erases gay people.  So I'm reviewing Run Away (2026):

Prologue: A girl walks across the campus of Lanford College, climbs a lot of stairs, and enters her room, where a guy wearing a mask is waiting.  She remember him dying, or killing someone, and screams. So she didn't run away, she was kidnapped?

Scene 1: A Nuclear Family Dad (Coben movie regular James Nesbitt) complains about his daughter spending all her time doing "TikToks," talks to his son, away at university (played by Adrian Greensmith, who is gay in real life), and gets a text from someone named Dan Divine telling him to go to the park.   Are you being blackmailed by a drag queen, buddy?

He goes to a park full of frolicking people, waits on a bench, and looks at some videos of his missing daughter, Paige.  A lady wearing a Lanford College jacket is playing the guitar, just like Paige used to.  Could it be?  Yep -- the guitar has the sticker he gave her, of a smiling bee.  Where did she get Paige's guitar?  Could it be...

Yep, it's Paige!  The "missing daughter" plotline was resolved very quickly.

But when he calls,  she runs away.  He give chase and grabs her, which doesn't look right to the crowd.  A passing hippie (what is this, 1969?) tells him to back off, so Dad beats him to a pulp.  Other guys intervene, and Dad is arrested.  Looks like aggravated assault. 

Scene 2:  In the lockup.  We really don't need all of these cringe pictures of Paige frolicking with Dad and her friends, while he sings "Kiss me like there's no tomorrow...I love your eyes."  I think this is supposed to display paternal love, but it comes across as extremely creepy.

An Extremely Elegant Lawyer visits. He was filmed, the video has gone viral with the title "Rich Guy Beats Up Homeless Man."  He's not going to get a self-defense for repeatedly kicking the guy in the balls after he collapsed.  

"But he was my runaway daughter's asshole boyfriend, Aaron." So he wasn't a random hippie -- Dad knew the guy.  He was excessively violent because he blames him for Paige's disappearance.  Aaron is played by Thomas Flynn, who was in the gay romance Red, White, and Royal Blue.

Back story: Dad last saw Paige six months ago.  She came home from college a bedraggled mess, screamed at everyone, then left with Evil Boyfriend Aaron.   Are you a reliable narrator?  

Scene 3: Extremely Elegant Lawyer got the judge to dismiss the case before it went to trial.  Well, Dad is rich.  The rich get richer, and the poor get prison.  "By the way, my fee is $2 million."

Meanwhile, a Middle Aged Woman gazes intently at a Vegan Lady walking with her dog and toddler.  She steals the dog, then calls to say that she found him.  "Just give me your address, and I'll drop him off."  Weird way to get someone's address.  How about the Internet?

They do the retrieval at Vegan Lady's restaurant.  Vegan Lady offers her a free meal in gratitude. She picks a table that allows her to gaze creepily  at the toddler.  So you're a kidnapper?  Why not just grab the child?

Phone: A second rich guy, Sebastian Thorpe, asks if she's Elena, the private investigator?  He wants help finding his son.   Big Reveal: she's not a kidnapper!  So what's with the surveillance of the Vegan Lady? 

Scene 4: Dad goes home and reads the comments on the viral video.  They aren't exactly sympathetic.  Mom and the TikTok daughter (who uses a wheelchair, for reasons that I'll bet will become important), get the word and rush home to yell at him for being so stupid -- beating up the Evil Boyfriend in front of hundreds of people with cell phones?

Left: I think this is the Evil Boyfriend's evil butt.

Then Dad goes to work, at an elegant glass office, where the staff appears to be entirely female.  They support him; in fact, they think that the video makes him sexy.  Most Harlan Coben movies have a lot of beefcake, but here it seems to be ladies all the way down.

At his desk, he looks at the reels of his daughter yet again.  Do we really need to see them again? 

Scene 5: Two detectives investigate a murder scene:  it's Aaron, Missing Daughter Paige's Evil Boyfriend! There are two coffee mugs -- he was killed by someone he knew. 

"This is how you end up when you live a life with no rules," Pompous Detective Isaac (Alfred Enoch) pontificates.  Everybody follows rules, jerk.  They're called the norms of your culture or subculture.

When he leaves, one of the investigators (they're all women) comments on how nice he smells.  That's cringe too, lady. You don't discuss people's smells.

Scene 6: Dad and Mom at a parents' event at the school. Teachers say that the daughter is doing well, in spite of the recent...um...distraction.  The other parents stare angrily.  Pompous Detective Isaac and his partner interrogate him about where he was last night, because...gasp...the guy you beat up "in self defense" has been murdered.  We already knew that.

Cut to Dad and the Extremely Elegant Lawyer at the police station, being interrogated again.  Last night he got home at 6:15, took a run, cooked dinner, and watched tv while his TikTok Daughter was in her room and Mom was at work (pediatric nurse).  Pompous Detective finds it very suspicious that he doesn't know the exact time his daughter went to her room. "Normal people know the exact time that their children do everything."  

Dad then describes the scene in the park again, finishing up with "If Aaron is dead, that makes me very happy.  I hope he suffered."  The Detectives don't like that answer -- neither does the Extremely Elegant Lawyer.

Outside the police station, Extremely Elegant Lawyer slams Family Man for saying that he's glad a guy he's suspected of murdering is dead, and he slams her for flirting with the Detective.  "Well, he's sexy."

More after the break

Valin Shinyei: Billy Elliot's gay friend, a gay monster hunter, a straight ballet dancer, and a Lego boy who cooks. With Valin bulge and Vladimir cock

Billy Elliot (2000) encourages homophobic parents to relax: boys who like dance are absolutely, positively, 100% not-gay, although they might have gay friends.  I heard that the musical gave the gay character a less "endless angst and misery" plot arc, as demonstrated by a production by the Vancouver Arts Club in 2016, with Valin Shinyei as Billy's gay friend.  

Interesting name, even more interesting underwear photo, doubtless gay in real life, and there's something in his bio about the Paralympics -- I always like to promote disabled representation.  He's definitely getting a profile.  

Vallin Shinyei (the name is Sanskrit and Japanese) was born in Vancouver in 2001 to an artist dad, a choreographer mom, and an actress sister.  He was home schooled through eighth grade while studying dance at the Peggy Pearl School.  Then he enrolled at the Thomas Haney Secondary School, graduating in 2019.

Valin began doing commercials and modeling in 2006, and moved into television in 2009, playing a Little Boy in an episode of Smallville and one of the kids being nanny-ified by Mrs. Miracle. 

Plus he began dancing nightly s at the Pacific Exhibition ("British Columbia's choice for diverse events and experiences.". 

At the 2010 Paralympic Games, Valin passed the torch to the Russians at the closing ceremony.

He also hosted the ceremony commemorating Rick Hansen's 25th Anniversary Tour:  In 1987, Rick completed his Man in Motion Tour, traveling around the world in a wheelchair to raise awareness spinal cord injuries. In 1987, he repeated the tour, traveling across Canada.

Valin does not personally have a disability.  I don't know what his connection to the disabled community is.

He broke into film with A Christmas Miracle (2012), about eight strangers stranded  in an abandoned church, who...well you can figure it out.  Star Dan Payne played a gay guy (and showed off his butt) in Mulligans (2008).  Valin won a Young Artists Award for his role as a boy lost in the woods.

Continuing the Christmas theme, Valin starred in A Christmas Story 2 (2012), a straight-to-video sequel to the 1983 movie, with the 16 year old Ralphie (Braedon Lemasters) wanting a car and the Girl of His Dreams rather than a rifle. Valin plays his piggish younger brother.  It got horrible reviews, but three years later (2015), Valin was playing Ralphie in A Christmas Story at the Vancouver Arts Club.

In 2016, he began as the understudy for Billy (Nolan Fahey) in the musical Billy Elliot.  Then he took over as Billy's gay friend Michael, who has a crush on him.  Billy isn't into guys, but he does agree to a drag number, "Expressing Yourself," and he kisses Michael on the cheek. That's better than endless angst and misery, I guess.

More after the break

Björn Mosten: His "Love and Anarchy" nude hugeness made him a star, but he's also played a gay boarding school bully and Oddgeir's buddy.

 

In the Swedish comedy Kärlek och anarki (Love and Anarchy, 2020-22), middle aged publishing house consultant Sofia (Ida Engvoll) and young IT guy Max (Björn Mosten) fight a flirtatious "dare war,"  trying to one-up each other with increasingly drastic dares:

Dress like pop singer Cyndi Lauper.

Walk backwards for a day.

Get too drunk

Mimic people

Walk into a restaurant and pretend that you work there.

Dribble

Do everything as fast as you can

And:  Get naked in front of your family.

Whew, our boy is huge.

Frontside and back.

This was the 23-year old actor's only nude scene in the series (he takes off his shirt a few times), but it was enough to seal his popularity among gay men in Sweden and abroad.

His cuteness and his acting ability too, of course.

The cover story of Kupe tells us that he is "An Overnight Star."  

Björn wasn't planning to become a star.  He was a small town boy, from Dvärsätt in central Sweden (the nearest big city is Trondheim, Norway, three hours away).  In the summer of 2019, he was just finishing up his degree in engineering at Uppsala University, and enrolled in the master's program in Computer and Information Engineering.  Lisa Langseth was casting an IT guy for her new comedy drama.  He had done some modeling, so why not audition?

After Love and Anarchy, Bjorn starred in the theatrical play Jakten (2022), at the Stockholms Stadsteaterat.  

It means "The Hunt," as in "Witch Hunt": a grade school teacher (Henrik Norlén) s falsely accused of sexually assaulting a child in his class.  Bjorn plays Marcus, his teenage son.

Next came the tv series Ondskan ("Evil," 2023): Erik (Isac Calmroth) is expelled from public school due to being a violent thug, enrolls in an exclusive private school, becomes a bullying victim, and commences an affair with the lunch lady. 

More after the break

Francois Göske : Searching for gay subtexts amid the constant drone of "girls! girls! girls!" At least he shows his junk

Robert Louis Stevenson's books are sacred, memories of childhoods past where boys conjured up lavish adventures with each other.  Especially Treasure Island, written specifically upon a request from his stepson Lloyd Osbourne that there be "no girls in it."  And there aren't, except for Jim Hawkins' mother.

So I was quite disappointed with the German miniseries (2007), in which Jim Hawkins (18-year old Francois Göske) not only does stuff with a lady of the evening, he falls in love with a female stowaway on the ship, Sheila (Diane Willems)!

But at least he showed his backside.

Ok, I thought, but maybe Göske's other work will redeem him.  Some gay characters, or some substantial gay subtexts?

His first starring role was in a 2003 remake of the children's classic Das Fliegende Klassenzimmer (The Flying Classroom), set in a boys' school.  Only this one had girls -- and he gets a girlfriend.

In French for Beginners (2006), Goeske goes to France as part of a student exchange program.  It looks like he has a gay subtext buddy-bond with Lennard Bertzbach, but actually they are partners in crime, dedicated to winning the Girl of His Dreams. 

 A reviewer  suggests that this "charming" movie be used in French language classes.  It's not charming when you spent your childhood with the "what girl do you like?  What girl?  What girl?" interrogation.

Grimm's Finest Fairy Tales: The Farmer's Daughter (2008).  I'm not familiar with that particular fairy tale, but I imagine it involves Goeske kissing some girls.

Summertime Blues (2009), based on the juvenile novel by Julia Clarke: Goeske goes to the countryside with his mother, and meets the Girl of His Dreams.

Dornroschen (2009): The fairy tale of Sleeping  Beauty.  Guess who wakes her with a kiss?

More after the break

Josh Zuckerman: The teenage Faust saves Christmas twice, plays nebbishes and sinister ghosts. With his butt and Nick's dick

 

In the Disney Channel's Twas the Night (2001), irresponsible Nick Wrigley (Bryan Cranston of Malcolm in the Middle), fleeing from gansters, takes refuge at his brother's house.  While delivering presents, Santa gets clocked on the head, and the gangsters steal the time-dilation device that allows him to visit 1.3 billion households in a single night.

So Nick and his mischievous 14-year old nephew Danny (Josh Zuckerman) must deliver all of the presents and subdue the gangsters.

It differs from the standard "saving Christmas" plot in the real peril, and in Nick and Danny, who move from stereotyped uncle and nephew to classic 1930s Adventure Boy and adult companion. 

It was enough to pay attention to this guy, born in 1985 in Stanford, California, and guesting on every conceivable tv series: Get Real,  Once and Again, The West Wing, Judging Amy, and so on,  Surely he had more gay-subtexts or maybe even gay roles in his future.

Nope.  Next he starred in  I was a Teenage Faust (2002), about a 15-year old boy (Josh) who sells his soul to the devil in order to win The Girl of His Dreams.  Heterosexist tripe.

I didn't have the stomach to see Josh in anything else for a few years, but evidently he starred with Ben Affleck in Surviving Christmas (2004): a rich dude pays a family to pretend to be his at Christmastime, and develops real feelings for them, of course.

And Balthazar Getty in Feast (2005): Bar patrons fight monsters.

 But the heterosexism continued, as Josh found his niche as a nebbish who can't get girls, but sometimes can.

He had a recurring role on Kyle XY (2008-09) ,  starring Matt Dallas as a teenage boy  who appears out of nowhere with no memory and no belly button. I think he's a clone or alien or something.  Josh plays a nebbish with a crush on his adopted sister.  Eventually he wins her.

The Desperate Housewives (2004-13) were desperate due to their 15-year history of lies, scandals, murder, and semi-nude scenes.  Josh plays Eddie, a barista and aspiring comedian who kills the girls who reject him -- and they all do.  They're usually mean about it, laughing at the ridiculousness of the nebbish thinking he was worthy of human contact, but still, it seems a bit much. 

The s*x comedy S*x Drive (2008) is all shot through with homophobia and gay stereotypes. It's got Seth Green in it, so you know there's going to be trouble.  Ian (Josh) goes on a road trip to Chattanooga to win the Girl of His Dreams, Ms. Tasty (her stage name). He borrows the car from his "fag" and "homo"-spouting brother Rex (James Marsden): 

When Ian reaches Chattanooga, Rex appears and refuses to let him get with the girl.  So he pretends to be gay, and Rex changes his mind: getting with a girl could cure him!  In the end  Ian marries The Girl, and Rex is revealed to be gay (but he doesn't get a boyfriend). 

But at least we see Josh nude.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Vincent Webb: Mexican model/actor hugs, dates, and sticks out his tongue at guys, so he's gay, right? With bonus n*de Hispanic dudes

 

18-year old Vincent Webb appeared on the teen idol website with 5,169 photos. He must be super-famous for acting, singing, or...I hope not social influencing. 

Usually I check the guy's movie and tv roles to see if he's played any gay characters, and then his Instagram to see if he's gay in real life.  But this time I'm going to save time by going to go through the pages on the teen idol site to see if he's gay first.  No point in continuing if he's straight. 

There are 173 pages, each with 30 photos. I'll just check the first 10-15.

Page 1: Just shirtless and modeling photo.  .

Page 2: Ulp, he's hugging a girl.  But there's just one girl-hugging photo on the page, and neither is sticking their tongue out.

Page 3: Two guy-hugging and three girl-hugging photos.  

And many more shirtless modeling photos.

Page 4: A guy-hugging photo with his tongue out, usually a bragging gesture ("I'm so much better than you because I get to have sex with this hunk, and you don't).

Left: Vincent only just turned 18, so I'm not going to look for nude photos.

Page 5: More shirtless shots, plus gazing at a guy.

Page 6: Obvious dates with a guy to a ball game, to the beach, and out to dinner, plus two where the tongues come out to brag about each other's hotness. I've about decided that Vincent is gay.

Wait -- Page 9: More girl-hugging photos. 

I'm stumped.

Maybe the IMDB offers some clues:

After the break