Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.6, Continued: Cobb smashes, Corey lies, and Kelvin is traumatized for life. With Mongolian men and Jace's junk
Title: "For jealousy is the rage of a man," Proverbs 6:34, KJV. The full verse, NIV: "For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. Husband? I think we're going for Cobb as the Big Bad.
The plotlines in this episode are not thematically linked, so I'll separate them by character.
My Animal Magnetism: We open with the gaping mouth of an alligator! Various hooks, tools, skins, and Cobb practicing boxing on a mannequin labeled "Feel the Pain."
Lori drives up and yells "Nope! We're not doing this again!" She yells at him for trying to scare off every man she gets involved with. She's probably referring to the brick through the her window and the car set on fire, but you never know.
He tries flirting with her - "You can't stay away. Must be my animal magnetism." But she says next time she's calling the cops. Next time? I'd be calling the moment it happened.
Big Gus: Later, Cobb puts on a show at the Gator Farm. He rings a bell to signal "dinner time" to his favorite gator, the huge, ornery Big Gus. "Gators are territorial. Invade their territory, they'll bite you." Uh-oh, Eli is in the audience! The connection to Eli and Lori is too easy. It must be a misdirection.
Cut to Cobb bagging up a toy alligator in the gift shop. Shouldn't he have someone working during the show? Eli approaches and explains that Lori is with him now, so "no more trouble."
Sick, Nasty Stuff: Cobb lays into him, noting that Lori has been with a lot of men since the divorce, and she was doing "sick, nasty stuff" up in Pigeon Forge. He hands Eli a newspaper ad for her escort service: "Adult companionship -- wealthy men. Call, click, connect. First half hour free."
Ok, this has to be fake. Prostitution is illegal in the U.S., so she couldn't advertise openly. Escorts usually work from a standard client list. You would neveer specify "wealthy men." And what does "first half hour free" mean? You charge by the act, not by the hour.
Money-Hungry: At lunch, Eli asks Lori about the escort business. She claims that it's fake: "Cobb made up those ads to try to smear me." There's not much call for 65-year old hookers in Pigeon Forge.
Eli also ran a credit check. "You're broke. You declared bankruptcy last year."
This makes Lori angry. Accusing her of being a "whore," and then of being a gold-digger! "Aimee-Leigh used to tell me how much you care about money. I thought she was exaggerating." She throws some money on the table to pay for her lunch and walks out.
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Kelvin Goes Into Hiding: Keefe arrives at Kelvin's treehouse, but the rope ladders and platforms have been pulled up, so he can't get in.
Kelvin: "This is what cowards do. They hide in their forts." In what way was the round table debacle cowardice?
Keefe points out that everyone at Prism is concerned, but he doesn't believe it: "They're not concerned. They just realized that I am a failure."
But tonight is the final event in the Top Christ Following Man promotion: the Night of Testimonies. "Nope, not going. Now go away."
Cut to Keefe morosely turning off the lights at the Prism Prayer Room and puting a sign up: "No Prism today. Maybe tomorrow or maybe another day or something."
Monkey Shines: In the kitchen, the Monkey feeds BJ pretzels, gets him some water, and kisses him on the lips -- five or six times -- while Judy fumes.
Later, she is in her bathroom, primping in front of the mirror, when the Monkey starts flinging its treats at her. Then it jumps onto her vanity and throws her makeup onto the floor. She rushes out into the dining room to tell BJ what's happening -- he's cleaning the Monkey's butt. Gross!
BJ says that it's not a competition. He loves both Judy and the Monkey.
Then he brings up Kelvin's round-table debacle: "Poor guy. Vance Simkins is a self-righteous bigot and a homophobe." Judy is angry with Kelvin due to his insults earlier, so she refuses BJ and the Monkey's request that she visit him.
Kelvin's Nards: At the Cape and Pistol Society, Vance gloats: "Getting rid of Kelvin gives me a clear path to victory (in the Top Christian Man Contest). He was the only real competition." Plus, he enjoys hurting Kelvin, because it hurts Jesse. But Jesse counters that he hates Kelvin due to his insults from earlier, so "it doesn't hurt me at all. It strengthens me."
Vance continues, evoking the Night of Testimonies: "I'm going to ruthlessly dismantle Kelvin -- if he has the nards to show." He takes a meatball from Jesse's plate and, pretending that it is a testicle, eats it. "Tasty."
Left: Kelvin's nards.
More nards after the break
Pontius' Nards: At the Salvation Center, Pontius and his friends are skateboarding and getting high on air duster spray. The cast list is not up on the IMDB yet, but I think one of the friends is played by Michael Sayfou, above, and another by Sebastian Rhodes, bottom photo.
Jesse, Amber, and the kids arrive. Jesse yells at him for disrespecting a sacred place, and Gideon agrees.
Pontius: "What happened to you, man? You used to be cool. Now you're just like them -- a sellout. Look how they cut your balls off."
Jesse threatens to cut off Pontius' balls and shove them in his friends' mouths. I'm sure they have been in his friends' mouths already.
He and his friends walk away jeering. Jesse: "I hate Pontius so much!"
Love One Another: Another Gideon's Prayer Time to an audience of a few oldsters. The powerpoint is on "The Lord's Divine Power." It looks like he proved that God exists and is eternal, and that Jesus made an expiatory sacrifice -- all in 40 minutes? And the takeaway from all that complicated theology: "Love one another."
He concludes: "You can stay or you can go, but it's over." Agreed.
Afterwards Amber praises the clarity of his speaking voice, but Jesse found the sermon boring. Too much crammed in. Make it simple.
Next Amber asks about his feud with Pontius. "I don't know. I tried being nice to him for a long time, but now I sort of keep my distance." Try "love one another"?
"You need to work it out."
'But he says the most awful things to me."
"That's the problem with siblings," Jesse says. "They know your weaknesses, and can fuck you right in the asshole with them." It wouldn't be the first thing that's been in Gideon's a-hole. Seriously, why has this guy never expressed any interest in men or women since Season 1? "Look at all the nasty things Kelvin says to me."
Amber suggests that Jesse reconcile with his brother, to be a role model for Gideon and Pontius.
Sucking Daddy's Dick: Cut to the freeway underpass where Pontius and his friends are skating, to the song lyrics "Suck my dick. Suck my motherf*king dick."
Gideon appears in a suit and asks them to join his prayer group. Har har. "Go back to Sunday school and start sucking Daddy's dick some more." I never realized before that the expression "sucking up" to someone refers to oral sex.
But he takes a skateboard, steals a dude's sunglasses, and does some harsh shredding, proving himself an badass. Pontius is shocked. Dude, don't you remember the blackmail schme with Scotty? The Cycle Ninjas? Smashing the militia compound?
The moral: "God has a whole lot more to offer than what meets the eye. Come by Sunday at 10:00."
They all hug him and say "Sick!"
This is why Gideon was terrible at preaching: he was trying to be a "good Christian boy." In every season, he is torn between Charleston and California, the life his family wants for him and the life he wants for himself. I can relate, having grown up with a constant litany of "job, house, wife, kids." Like Kelvin, he has now found a way to meet family expectations while being true to himself.
Reconciled, Gideon and Pontius hug
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