Modern Family Episode 5.13: Jay acts girly, Mitch and Cam butt in, and Phil wants Keefe's lips on his mouth. Who doesn't?

I've been so busy checking Modern Family for homophobic subtexts with Adam Devine that I missed a gay subtext in Episode 5.13, "Three Dinners": 

Modern Family has a very large cast: closet-making tycoon Jay Pritchett; his new wife Gloria and her son;  daughter Claire and her husband and three children; and son Mitchell and his partner, eventually husband.  Episodes usually ssend smaller groups out on separate adventures, so I'll cover the three dinners separately.

Dinner 1: Jay and Gloria are dining with their close friends, Shorty (Chazz Palminteri, who has appeared in four previous episodes) and his wife.  They've been taking Spanish classes, because they're moving to Costa Rica!    They expect Jay and Gloria to be happy for them, but Jay immediately becomes critical: "You hate humidity! They have mosquitos the size of your fist!"

Cut to Shorty and Jay playing pool, Jay still complaining about the move: "It's a terrible idea.  You get into things without thinking, and then you need me to come and rescue you!" They argue about a lot of things from their never-mentioned-before shared history, and finally break up.

Gloria and her son Manny advise Jay that he always pushes his friends away, so when they leave him, it doesn't hurt as much. Aww, you don't want to open yourself up to love.  Wait, what about Gloria?  

"You're the greatest generation," Manny says, "But you can't feel."

Jay lashes out with a facetious accusation that Manny and Gloria are lovers, an incest joke playing into the homophobic slur that all gay men are in love with their mothers.  He keeps playing on it until the viewers are cringing: "Why don't you two go cuddle!"

Later, we see Jake sitting in the kitchen, getting drunk and thinking about how much Shorty means to him.  Finally he decides to drive over and apologize -- dude, you're drunk -- but Shorty beats him to it.  They hug and cry.  Gloria, eavesdropping, snits: "This is a little girlier than I thought."  Wait, first you criticize him for not displaying emotion, and now you criticize him for displaying emotion.  Make up your mind, lady!

More dinners after the break

Bumper in Berlin Episode 1.1: Bumper from "Pitch Perfect" sings, meets a hunk, and doesn't get The Girl. Plus Morris Bleibtreu's butt

Remember Bumper, the a capella jerk from Pitch Perfect, played by Adam Devine?  In November 2022, he spun off into his own tv series, Bumper in Berlin.

The only other male character in the regular cast is Pieter Kramer (Flula Borg, below).  Not many opportunities for buddy-bonding gay subtexts here, but Adam is one of most handsome men on Earth, and Flula is one of the most muscular, so maybe I'll watch with the sound off just for the face and physique.  Besides, the episodes have cute German titles like Backpfeifengesicht (face in need of a fist -- sounds like Bumper).

Scene 1: Bumper singing a capella with some old guys.  "Baby, I'll show you how a real queen behaves."  Not necessary -- I've seen Kelvin.  "You may think I'm weak without a sword, but if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours."  Tell me more about your...um, sword, Bumper. 

"If all the kings had queens on their throne, we'd toast champaign...I'll be your queen."  Girlfriend, that's as homoerotic as a song gets.  Did you forget that you're not playing Kelvin?

Lights go up.  This is a rehearsal for Bumper's new group, the Tonehangers. They'll be performing at a retirement center next month. Whoa, the old people won't know what hit them.

The other guys have to go -- wives, kids, stuff to do.  Bumper claims that he has stuff to do, too, but actually he's all alone. I hate the heterosexist equation of wife and kids with success, but I'll give it a pass due to the homoerotic song.  And he's working as a security guard at his old college but he's still planning on becoming a famous singer, somehow. Bummer, Bumper.

Scene 2:  Bumper is locking up as part of his security guard duties, when he gets a phone call from Germany: a fan of his college performances and his recent appearances on game shows and Tik-Tok.   "Wait -- how do you know all this?" Bumper asks, horrified. "Are you a pervert?"  Come on, dude, any fan would know those things.  I know that Adam was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  Well, to be fair, I just remember it because my home town is nearby.  

"I'm a pervert for talent," the voice says --revealed to be Pieter Kramer.  "We have met before." Turns out that he belonged to Das Sound Machine, a rival a capella group.  "You are a big Tik Tok star in Germany."  His TikTok involved making funny faces while singing the very sad song "Neun und neunsig Luftballon."  "You got 7.6 million views!"

"That's like a million views!" Bumper exclaims.  

Pieter wants him to move to Berlin and become his client.   "It's all happening!" he exclaims.  "All of those failures were worth it, because now I'll never fail again."  Har-har.

Scene 3: Bumper arrives at a horrible, graffiti-filled, run-down building in Berlin.  Pieter greets him.  They hug; Bumper is so excited that he won't let go, but to his credit, Pieter does not recoil in homophobic contempt. 

Upstairs to his horrible office with a window facing the train tracks.  Pieter's assistant Heidi arrives: Sarah Hylund, who played Adam's girlfriend on Modern Family!  I guess we know where the sparks will fly.

An American, an airhead, she gives him American cheese (almost impossible to find in Germany) and a caffeine pill (to avoid jet lag). Sparks fly.

Pieter has prepared a comic strip of Bumper's path to superstardom, culminating in a gig as "the hottest new singer" at German Unity Day in two months.  

Scene 4:  The three walking through Brandenburg Gate, getting a sandwich from a food truck: "It's made with dead animals."  "Oh, it's meat."  

A stranger (Govinda Cholleti) and his crew recognize Bumper from his Tik-Tok!

They arrive at the horrible youth hostel where Bumper will be staying.  The scary lady manager scowls at him: "I truly am meeting you."  Har-har. They want to leave him alone in his horrible dorm to "get some rest," but he wants to go with them: "I'll get nervous if I'm alone."  And scared of the scary lady?

A Techno-Goth Club after the break

"Modern Family" Episode 5.6: Gloria's crush on Adam Devine, Phil's three-way, and Cam and Mitchell's swishing contest

 

Back in 2014, I was quite adamant that Adam Devine's character on Modern Family, Andy the Manny (male nanny), was homophobic, so I've been reviewing episodes, looking for evidence.  This is his first appearance, in Season 5.6: "The Help."  Ugh!  I hated being called "the help" when I was in high school, working at the Carousel Snack Bar.  I told the boss "I am a human being.  I have feelings.  I am not 'the help.'"

As in all Modern Family Episodes, we have three plots, usually involving a random assortment of family members, interspliced.  I separated them out.

Plot 1: Claire, her husband Phil, and their kids.  Phil's Dad, Frank (Fred Willard), staying with his family because his girlfriend dumped him, being depressed and annoying. They discuss whether he needs a therapist, but Claire's dad Jay (Ed O'Neill) says that he just needs a woman.

"I know a place," he tells Phil.  "Tonight you, me, and Frank are going out on the town." 

 "Fun!  A three-way!" Phil exclaims: a running gag has him saying innocent things that sound sexual, usually homoerotic.   

Cut to the bar.  The men approach two women and say hello. "Not interested!" one exclaims. The other flirts with Frank, so his wingmen scram.

In the morning, Frank tells Phil that he hooked up: "She's downstairs right now.'  Except she turned out to be a sex worker, and he owes her $500. Ok, first of all, you have to make the contract clear, and second, sex workers don't spend the night. They get the job done and go home. 

While they're scrounging to find $500 in cash, Claire returns from yoga class, and wants to know who the woman in the kitchen is.  "The therapist we hired!" Let the misunderstandings begin: "I have always wanted to do what you do. I'd be good at it.  It's basically what I do for the whole neighborhood anyway."  

The sex worker (Peri Gilpin, best known for Frasier) assures Frank that his performance was superlative.  She has a lot of elderly clients who can't even get...um there are kids present...but "any woman would be lucky to have you."  This gives him the confidence to start dating again -- and move out, which is what Phil and Claire wanted all along.

Plot 2: Gay couple Mitchell and Cam are getting married, but they can't decide on anything, so they've asked their flamboyant friend Pepper (Nathan Lane), a professional wedding planner, for help. He comes in with overloaded binders and his flamboyant assistant, Ronaldo. But when they don't like his first idea (a purple color scheme), he goes into a snit, so they have to pretend to like all of his other horrible ideas, like riding in on a unicorn and wearing Willy Wonka outfits. 

Pepper is burnt out from planning 50 gay weddings since they became legal in California, so Ronaldo offers to take over?  Uh-oh, the assistant stealing the job from his boss -- drama.  Of course, they all act like they are cheating on a romantic partner: "I couldn't stop thinking about you.  What happened here yesterday was real!"  Pepper-Ronaldo end up breaking up and reconciling.

Plot 3: Jay, the patriarch of the family, and his wife Gloria, who is actually younger than his adult kids, argue over her habit of firing their infant son's nannies: she feels threatened by other women in the house. Also, their teenage son Manny keeps sexually harassing them. 

At the park, Gloria meets Andy, the manny of her frenemey Joan.  Andy reveals that she is  unfriendly because she's worried that Gloria might steal her husband.  

Gloria is irate: Frenemy's husband is too fat to be attractive.  Not anymore: Andy helped him lose 30 pounds! He also can cook. Enough bragging, dude.  It sounds like you're hitting on Gloria.  But it works -- Gloria decides to steal Andy, but not in a sexual way (well, not overtly sexual; she does get quite chummy as she leads him off)

When Jay and Manny get home, Andy introduces himself as the new manny. Manny: "Am I being replaced?"  No, he's the baby's new nanny, but "My mission is to make all of your lives happier and healthier." So, are you a nanny or a life coach/personal trainer/dietitian?

No way! Jay yells.  "He's a man!  It's weird!" The aging Baby Boomer Jay thinks that only women are qualified to do childcare, but Gloria has a big crush on him: "He's perfect," she sighs. Manny disapproves, too: how can he sexually harass a guy?  They argue; Gloria storms out of the room.  That's the end of it, right?

The next day, Jay is in the shower.  He forgot to get a towel (isn't there always one hanging in the towel rack?), so he yells for Gloria. But Andy brings it for him, and does the gay discreet-glance-at-his-bulge thing (but in this case, he sees Jay's dick instead of his bulge).  I'm confused: is Adam playing Andy as gay, or do straight guys like looking at dicks, too?    

Andy made a heart-healthy breakfast for Jay and Manny, and afterwards, he suggests jogging.  How about taking care of the baby?  

"Nope," Jay tells him. "My wife overstepped her bounds by hiring you. You're fired."

"I came on too strong, didn't I?  My dad warned me about that when I turned 14." He goes into a story of his dad dying, so he had to be "the man" of the family, and take care of the kids. But that doesn't dissuade Jay and Manny: they want him out.

Gloria returns and starts yelling.  They yell back.  Andy begins a group therapy session that ends with everyone apologizing and promising to do better at communicating their feelings. Cut to the whole family jogging...er, walking fast.

Ok, I get it.  All three of the groups hired "help" in scenarios that looked sexual (or, in Frank's case, were sexual), and turned out to be more "help" than anyone anticipated.

Bonus butt after the break

Modern Family Episode 5.17: Gay stereotyping, traditional gender roles, Adam Devine, and a nude Dylan bonus

 

I watched the first five seasons of Modern Family (2009-2014), but stopped when we moved to streaming services.  Back then, I posted about rampant gay stereotyping and explicit homophobia, especially with Adam Devine (Andy the Nanny). I don't remember why, so to check, I reviewed Episode 5.17 (2014), the last before the two-part season finale.

Note: There are 12 members of the Modern Family, so pairs and trios split up for separate plots.  Although they are scattered through the episodes, I will cover them separately.

Set-Up: Family dinner at Patriarch Jay's house.  He suggests watching basketball next, adding with a sneer that his adult son Mitchell wouldn't be interested because he is gay.  Mitchell counters: "Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch men in shorts."  The possibility that men might find basketball players attractive ruins the game for Jay.  Forget Andy -- Jay is the homophobic one!  

The A Plot: Mitchel and Cam, the gay couple, and teenagers Manny and Alex (a girl).   They are all going to an art museum to see a Kandinsky Exhibit.  Jay finds it inconceivable that a straight boy would be interested in art.

On the way, they criticize the rest of the family's lack of refinement.  Jay buys his books at the grocery store!  The best way to get Claire to fall asleep is to show her a movie with subtitles!  

Then they discover that the Kandinsky exhibit is closed!  Problem: Cameron doesn't know anything about art, so he read up on Kandinsky so he wouldn't be embarrassed.  But now they're discussing Matisse, and he 's lost.  After making a fool of himself, he goes to wait in the car.  Dude, art is for everybody. They have self-guided tours and texts to help you understand everything.

 Next Mitchell reveals that he doesn't know anything about art either.  He leaves in embarrassment. Two remain.  But Manny doesn't know anything about art, either!  Why did they want to go?

 The B Plot: Claire, Gloria, and Lily.  Cam and Mitchell explain that they're out buying a flower-girl dress for their  daughter to wear at their wedding.  Why both of them?  So the dress isn't too mundane (Claire) or "cucaracha" (Gloria).  I remember cringing at the constant stereotyping. Gloria is from Colombia, depicted as a horrible country where everyone lives in absurd poverty and gets shot all the time. 

Gloria insists that Lily keep trying on dresses, because she only has sons and never gets to go dress shopping.  Claire doesn't even like dresses; she didn't wear one at her own wedding.  Gloria is shocked.  "You must try one on! Then you can go back to your boy clothes."  So Claire tries on some wedding dresses, and is transfixed by the wonderfulness of gender-normative behavior.

The C Plot: Jay, his teenage grandson Luke (left, recent photo).   The boy mentions that he's planning to buy a pottery wheel for his ceramics class. Jay is upset, assuming that Luke is gay, but he explains that he is taking art to meet girls. Jay points out a problem with this plan: the girls in the class will think you're gay, and not want to have sex with you. He suggests learning woodworking instead.  Wood shop was a required class for boys in my junior high.  I mostly tried to avoid being noticed, and got a D-.

In the woodshop, apprised that a tool is a table vise, Luke begins singing "Edelweiss," and Jay lays down the law: "I've already been through this with Mitchell.  This is what we're trying to prevent."  Woodworking won't keep your grandson from being gay, Dude. But he already said that he likes girls.

Jay says that he wants to teach Luke all the things he need to know to be a man, because his son Mitchell and Gloria's son Manny were both fruity, and not interested.  He demonstrates his machismo by benching 205 pounds! (wow, I can only do 180).  Impressed, Luke says: "Tell me everything you know about women."  This is super-problematic.

The D Plot: Claire's husband Phil, her daughter Haley, the nanny Andy.  He is trying to think of a romantic anniversary gift for his girlfriend, who is deployed out in the Coast Guard. Maybe banana bread?  Phil suggests making her a video instead, depicting all of the things he's willing to do for her.

First up:  pretending to be swimming underwater with sharks (no beefcake).  Whoops, Haley walks into the frame, ruining it!   She suggests a visit instead, but the girlfriend is doesn't get shore leave very often. 

Andy's face is shining, so Phil goes off to fetch some makeup.  He is careful to specify that it's his WIFE's makeup, so Andy won't think that he's gay.  What's with the homophobia? 

Haley's date is late.  Andy gets all conciliatory: "that's rude.  A real man would be more considerate of the most incredibly beautiful, wonderful woman on the face of the Earth."  You have a girlfriend, remember?

More after the break