"You're the Worst," Episode 5.6: Is Jimmy hooking up with his buddy? Is Rapper Sam still bi? Is Dax a gay porn star?

 

Recently American comedies have been breaking the longstanding rule that sitcom characters have to be nice, the sort of people you'd want to invite into your home in real life.  Of course, the British have been doing it for years, but in the U.S. it's so uncommon that it still comes as a jolt to see someone who isn't very likeable in a sitcom.

You're the Worst, on Hulu, warns you in advance. Jimmy and Gretchen (Chris Geere, Aya Cash) are horrible, amoral people who dislike each other (well, except in the bedroom) and pursue a five-season long romance culminating in a series-finale wedding.  The B-plots usually involve the marital squabbles of another amoral couple who dislike each other, Edgar and Lindsay (Desmin Borges, Kether Donohue).  

I already reviewed an episode where rapper Sam Dresden  gets cancelled for using the f*-word, but turns out to be ok with gay men -- they're good at sucking.  To see if he is still bisexual or straight-but-open-to-oral interests, I reviewed Episode 5.6,  "This Brief Fermata."  According to the Google AI, "A fermata is a musical symbol indicating that a note should be held longer than its normal duration."

Scene 1: Jimmy and Gretchen are planning the table seating for their wedding reception, but Paul, Allan McLeod, is too boring to be placed.  They deserve a break from the drudgery of planning the wedding.  Jimmy suggests Fuck Week, a week where they can have sex with whoever they want.  He is surprised that Gretchen is so quick to agree.  

Scene 2: Monday.  At her job at the public relations firm, Gretchen checks out the hunk bulges and butts.  Assistant Lindsay notes a problem with Rapper Sam, Brandon Mychal Smith: his new track is bad, "Vietnam bad."  

But Gretchen doesn't care: it's Fuck Week, so she and Lindsay can go "day dicking" like they used to, at the Museum of Tolerance and Barney's Beanery -- wait, the notorious "Fagots keep out" joint?

First she has to sign up the new guy, Nok Nok -- Lou Taylor Pucci, top photo.  She figures he's so spaced-out, he'll be easy to snare, but he wants to hear the full pitch -- "Strategy, targets, concept art."  Uh-oh, she'll have to do work instead of getting dick.

Scene 3: Tuesday: Gretchen and Jimmy eat Chinese food while watching Nok Nok's videos and trying to come up with a pitch.  Jimmy has lipstick on his collar -- he's already successfully gotten laid.  Wait -- Buddy Edgar brings him a drink and gazes lustfully, but Jimmy shakes his head. Did they have sex, or is Edgar offering?

Cut to Wednesday: Gretchen revealing her pitch to Nok Nok.  He doesn't like it: how about a hard-scrabble life?  He was on the street at age 15, and he's a single dad?  

Assistant Lindsay went out dicking yesterday, and she, too successfully got laid. By the way, Rapper Sam is angry because his new, terrible track hasn't seen any radio play yet.  But screw it: Gretchen is going to forget about work and get some dick.

Scene 4: Thursday.  Jimmy comes in with a hickey, having gotten laid again. Another lustful gaze from Buddy Edgar.  Are they going at it?  Gretchen is still working. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Simon Rex: From gay-ish porn to homophobic comedy to gay necrophilia to Bupkis

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Tommy Nelson and Boyfriends: Boyfriends, buddies, bromantic partners, crushes, and cocks

In my earlier profile of Tommy Nelson, star of My Friend Dahmer and Cat and Mouse, guest on The Righteous Gemstones and Better Call Saul, I noted that he married a woman in 2023.  Thus obviously straight, right?

Wait -- there are lots of bi/pan people in the world.  A closer look at Tommy's posts on social media reveals a lot of pre-marriage boyfriends or bromantic partners including Alex Wolff and a non-actor named Ryan.  Plus implications of getting down to business, maybe as a joke, maybe not.

1. Watching tv with a buddy in Fairborn, Ohio, a suburb of Dayton.  I can't tell who belongs to which leg, but they are obviously being intimate. Tommy tells his followers to "laugh."

2. Beer bottle placed strategically over his crotch to emulate an erection.  We've all done that to attract gay men, who always look at other men face-crotch-face.

3. Tommy's main man Ryan.  He invites his fans to invent "ship" names. Rymmy and Tyan sound too weird.

4. A younger Ryan mowing the lawn.

More after the break.  Caution: explicit

"The Deuce": The top ten penises of the mafiosi, porn stars, and gay activists in 1970s New York

 

Tbe Deuce stars James Franco as Vincent and Frankie Marino, twin brothers who run a Mafia front in New York City during the 1970s. There's an adult film studio nearby, which means a lot of naked guys.  Usually while they're having sex with women, but still, a dick is a dick.  Here are the top 10 contenders.

1. Gbinga Akinagbe as a pimp turned actor.

2. John Paul Harkin as an adult film performer. 

3.  Jarrod Goolsby as a Viking in an adult film.

4. Gary Carr as a bad-guy pimp.

5. Chris Coy as the owner of a gay club.

More after the break.  Caution: it gets explicit, sort of.

Daniel Benson: The gay-vague Disney Channel teen hunk finds a new career showing gay guys his dick

 

You may see a hundred dicks a day, in porn or real life, but there's a unique pleasure to seeing one of your childhood fave raves grow up, bulk up, and post pics of his penis. It's like solving a mystery: now we know what he was packing all along.

Dan Benson became a fave rave on The Wizards of Waverly Place, a gay-subtext heavy Disney Channel teencom about a family of wizards who have to keep their secret from the world.

Dan (in the back) played Zeke, the goofy best friend of teenage son Justin Russo, although later he started hanging out with younger son Max instead.  He displayed no heterosexual interest until later seasons ,when Disney suits got worried about the barely-hidden gay subtexts and gave him a girlfriend.

There were so many gay subtexts on Wizards that Dan's stories tended to get lost.  And bulking up didn't help to differentiate him: every single male character was a muscle-hunk. So fans tended to forget about him.

After Wizards, Dan appeared in an episode of Smoky Knights and its spin-off Killing Diaz,  and voiced Ethan, the on-off boyfriend of Summer in Rick and Morty. Then he was stung by an invasion of his privacy.

Turns out that some fans didn't forget him after all: during Wizards, "attractive women" kept asking for nude photos and videos, which he obligingly sent.  Then he found them posted on the internet!  He told E Online that it was a "pretty traumatic experience."  He became obsessed with taking them down, and retired from acting altogether.

But then he thought, "Why not?  If people want to see my penis, why not show them?  For a fee, of course."  He changed to the grown-up sounding Daniel Benson, and started an OnlyFans page, with subscriptions running at $20 per month.  He not only shows his dick, he reviews adult products, like this dildo.

And a penis-shaped waffle.

More Dan after the break. Note: the explicit pictures are samples that Dan posted to advertise his pay site.

Christian Boeving: Fitness expert turned porn star turned movie monster. With a newly added butt shot

 

With a name like Christian Boeving, you expect someone from Belgium or the Netherlands, but in fact the bodybuilder was born in Dallas, Texas, and grew up in Missouri.  He began posing for muscle and fitness magazines at the age of 18, and is one of the most photographed people in the world, appearing on over 400 covers to date.

He's also a fitness writer, consultant, and spokesperson for bodybuilding supplements, though he has lost status in the industry after admitting that he had been using steroids since age 16.

He broke into show biz with a gay porn video, Posing Strap (1994) and a tv pilot, the aptly named Muscle (1995).  

Guest roles in a number of tv series and movies followed, usually roles requiring musclemen: Prey, Nash Bridges, Malcolm in the Middle, and Sheena.

He also continued his porn career in the gay Coverboys (1996) and the softcore straight Andromina: The Pleasure Planet (1999).  

Although Christian starred in a man-mountain "let's rescue someone in Southeast Asia" movie, When Eagles Strike (2003), his most important roles have been in sci fi and fantasy:  The monster Grendel in Beowulf: Prince of the Geats (2007);  Jack Stone in Apocalypze Z, aka Zombie Disaster (2013); Andre in Legend of the Red Reaper (2013).

More recently he has appeared in Bane: The Series, which seems to be about a DC Comics character, and Knight's End, which stars Kevin Sorbo. 'Nuff said.

I don't care for his social media sites.  Too many photos of Christian with half-naked women, too many dirty jokes, and some of...this stuff.  A guy holding a giant American flag doesn't necessarily eat at Chick Fil-A and watch Fox and Friends, but....

Very explicit photos after the break

Sylvester Stallone: Nude photos of Rocky, Rambo, Estelle Getty's son, Kurt Russel's boyfriend, and the Italian Stallion

 As Rocky and Rambo, Sylvester Stallone defined the gung-ho cowboy 1980s, singlehandedly defeating the Russian army and winning the Vietnam War.  

His grunting, snarling man-mountains didn't have a lot of sex scenes, but they did manage to get stripped out of their clothes by various cops, prison guards, and torturers.  Here Rambo is fumigated in prison in First Blood (1982).

Tortured in a loincloth in Rambo: First Blood, Part II (1985)

During the 1990s and 2000s, Stallone often got naked while playing grunting man-mountains or parodies of them, as in the cop buddy gay-subtext Tango and Cash (1989).  The guy on the left is his gay-subtext buddy, Kurt Russell.

Or Stop, or My Mom will Shoot (1992), with Estelle Getty as the Mom.  Imagine, Rambo and Dorothy of The Golden Girls as siblings.

But to see the Full Monte, we have to go back to 1970.  

Stallone dick after the break. Warning: it gets explicit.

"Workaholics" Episode 5.1: Blake becomes a porn star, Ders is into kinky stuff, and Adam is gay. With bonus penises

I'm not posting about Workaholics too much, you're posting about Workaholics too much. But Episode 5.1 is amazing.  There are no gay characters, there's a homophobic slur,  two of the three guys express heterosexual interest, there's a straight porn movie in one scene and two straight people having sex in another.  And Adam leaves his shirt on.  How could all that be gay-positive?

Scene 1: The guys are preparing to watch the "biggest night in Hollywood."  They hope it will be better than last year, when it consisted mostly of people "sucking each other off" on the red carpet.  Hey, it's not the Oscars -- it's the Adult Entertainment Awards!  Adam comes in with snacks -- breast-shaped cakes for the guys, and he gets a chocolate penis.

Scene 2: Discussing the results at work.  Adam guessed right in every category, even Best Dong-umentary (12 Inches a Slave won).  He explains that he has a "pornographic memory" -- he never forgets a dick.  What a coincidence, I like to look at dicks, too.  Do you also like s*king them?  

On to the episode's premise: Ders is being sent tothe North Rancho College Job Fair to recruit college grads (to be telemarketers?).  He can bring some assistants, but Adam and Blake are out -- they'll just bail, leaving him to do all of the work alone.  Of course, they talk him into it, and the moment they hit the campus, they bail.

Ders' Adventure: He starts attracting students by insulting the guys in the Coast Guard recruitment booth: "You're called the coast guard because you coast on the backs of the people who really guard our country."  He also makes a homophobic gesture, "accusing" the coast guard guys of sucking cock.  

Ok, one "gay sex is shameful" joke.  This is mild.  Have you seen anything with Seth Green lately?  He and his best friend reach for the popcorn at the same time, and accidentally touch hands: "I need to shower and cry for three hours!  I've never been so disgusted!   If anyone saw us, they might think that we're -- oh, I'm going to be sick!" 

Finally the coast guard guys, led by Brock (Pete Ploszek), have had enough of his jibes, pour Big Red soda into his butt hole, and have their dog mascot -- um --- you know.  But Ders likes it!

Later, Ders pretends that he wants to apologize, but he tells a dirty joke instead.  The coast guard guys chase him.  He climbs a ladder and escapes into a dorm room....

Adam's Adventure:  He suddenly realizes that this is the campus where they filmed his favorite porno, Dorm Daze.  He looks around until he finds Room 18, where they filmed the gang bang scene.  Wait -- the direction of the "semen sprays" isn't right.  He is creating a diagram, when the room's occupant, Danny (Peter Ngo), comes in with a girl and orders him out. 

When Adam sees a girl carrying a texbook on Female Sexuality, he thinks she's going to a class on porn, so he follows her into a giant lecture hall -- occupied entirely by women!  Score -- dozens of future porn actresses learning about the trade.   Maybe they'll even use him to demonstrate their techniques!

The professor calls him down.  He's thrilled!  He just wishes he wore his "big dick jeans" to show off his huge cock.   It's really a Women's Studies class about women's objectification by the patriarchy!  Run!   But he digs himself in deeper and deeper, discussing how much he likes porn: "the gentle cupping of the balls....they caress the shaft....and then gag..."  Do you like getting them or giving them, Adam?

Time for the lambasting:  the women are being exploited. Many are confused actresses lured in with the offer of a legitimate movie role, given drugs and alcohol to lower their inhibitions, then forced to perform.  Many are single mothers. What if your mother was in that situation?   

"My Mom?"  Adam seethes.  Converted into an anti-porn advocate, he and the students rush to the dorm room used for filming pornos, and shut it down!  Except it's a  regular dorm room now, occupied by Dominic (Seth Ginsberg, top photo), having consensual sex with his girlfriend.  Wait -- Adam uses logical deducation to determine that the real porn room is....

Blake's Adventure:  He is pretending to be Australian, so when he sees a sign announcing open auditions for Hamlet, he auditions with a fight scene from Crocodile Dundee.  The director chastises him: "You're a very bad actor," but Crystal, a girl in the audience,  offers him a role in a short film.  

She leads him to a dorm room. He wants to know about the characters, the plot, and so on, but Landon, the director, gives him drugs and alcohol and tells him to whip it out. Blake catches on that it's a porno, and tries to leave, but Landon yells at him and threatens him.  "I just wanted to act," Blake whimpers. "So go in the closet and grease up your hog."    Notice the beat-by-beat reflection of what the professor told Adam.  Not understanding, he comes out with his body greased. Crying, humiliated, he can't bring himself to take out his dick.  

Tying the Plot Threads Together: Adam and the students burst in to save Blake and "this poor, innocent girl."  Crystal points out that she's a producer, she owns 40% of the company, and besides, she enjoys performing.  Whoops, there's another side to the story.  It's not all about exploitation. 

But they still need someone with a penis to do it on camera.  Not to worry -- Ders bursts in, chased by the coast guard guys, who are all interested.  We cut to them waiting in line to do a "Coast Guard Gang Bang" movie.  Wait -- twelve guys and one girl?  Some of those guys are going to be banging each other.  The end.

Beefcake: Blake and Dominic the Dorm Guy.

Gross-out humor: Ders enjoys the dog-sex thing. In the kicker, he suggests that the guys get a dog.

Heterosexism:  The coast guard guys complain that they've been chasing Ders all over campus. "We should be chasing chicks, not dudes."

The professor who describes porn as solely about women being exploited by men gets her comeuppance: sometimes male performers are being exploited, too.

Homophobia: One reference.  Interestingly, when Crystal tries to humiliate Ders into performing, she says "Don't you like sex?", not "Are you gay?"

Gay Subtext: Except for one or two lines suggesting an interest in women, Adam presents as gay.  His favorite porn scene involves guys jizzing.  When he describes what he likes about porn, it's all about giving a blow job. 

My Grade: A

I could hardly post on Adam's penis expertise without some penis pics after the break.  Caution: some arousal.