"The Whale": Chub and fundy debate whether God hates gays. Plus chub and fundy dick

I accidentally clicked on The Whale on Netflix, forgetting that when you click, you don't get more information, it starts.  And I was eating a bagel, so I kept watching.

Scene 1: A bus drives through a wilderness of fields, with mountains in the background.  It stops to let someone out -- with no houses or buildings for miles around?

Cut to someone teaching "persuasive writing" in a Zoom room.  The students wonder why his camera isn't on.  No icon, either, just a black square that gets bigger and bigger.  Maybe he's a ghost.

Scene 2: The teacher, Charlie, at home.  He's a super-chub plus who needs a walker to get around, now masturbating to gay porn! Wheezing, clutching at his left arm, he begins grading a paper on Moby Dick. I thought he was having a heart attack.

A stranger played by Ty Simpkins, top photo, walks in, says "Oh my God," and asks if he need an ambulance.  No, still wheezing and clutching, he wants the stranger to read the Moby Dick essay to him.

Many people don't know that there is a gay couple in Moby Dick: Ishmael and Queequeg.  And a whale, ergo the title of the movie.

Reading it calms Charlie down.  He asks the stranger -- there to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ -- to retrieve his cell phone from beneath the couch.  Oh no, he's going to bash the guy to death.

Nope.  Just asks him to stick around while he calls his friend Liz, a nurse. 

Scene 3: Liz shows up, checks Charlie out, and complains that he should have gone to the hospital.  He has congestive heart failure. His blood pressure is 238/134.  Is that even possible?   

While he's in the bathroom, Liz talks to the God guy, Thomas.   He's from New Life; her father is on the church board.  She went when she was young, but she "fucking hated" the end-of-the-world bull*.  I get it; I grew up terrified that the Rapture would come at any moment, and I'd be left behind.  

By the way, Charlie hates New Life, too, because it killed his boyfriend -- her brother.  No doubt a suicide due to being indoctrinated into "God hates fags" ideology. So he doesn't need Thomas quoting the Book of Leviticus when he is about to die.  

They kick Thomas out.  Darn, I thought he would be a major character, and we'd get some people combating religious homophobia.  Maybe Charlie would help him come out. 

Scene 4: They argue about going to the hospital some more. Charlie still refuses.  They watch tv: The Idaho GOP presidential primary is tomorrow, with Ted Cruz leading, so this is March 7, 2016.

So, is there going to be any paranormal here at all?  Or at least a murder?  

I'm fast-forwarding.

Very limited setting -- everything takes place in Charlie's house, and there are only two more characters -- Charlie's estranged daughter, and the pizza delivery guy.  

Wait -- Thomas returns at minute 41.   Charlie is in the bathroom. The Estranged Daughter answers the door.

He says that Charlie wanted to hear about the New Life Church -- he kicked you out, dummy -- and brought some literature. 

"Oh, the end time cult thing.  All religion is bullshit. By the way, have some juice, and please come back again tomorrow."  Huh?  Does she like him?  Well, I guess he won't be coming out.

Daughter leaves, and Thomas starts badgering Charlie about the End Times.  Hey, maybe it will happen in the movie.  A Left Behind kind of thing.  

"There are a lot of clues in Scripture that suggest Christ is returning soon. I can't wait.  Everything bad in the world will be wiped clean." Like the gay people, right?

Then: "God brought me here for a reason. He wants me to save your soul." Being saved means not being gay anymore, of course.  

"There's something you can do for me," Charlie says.  Thomas thinks he means sex, and starts stuttering "I'm not...I mean..."  At least he doesn't start screaming. 

Charlie explains that he is not interested in that.  He likes big guys.

Liz comes in. "What the f*ck is he doing here?"  Getting a blow job, of course.

This is too problematic.  I'm getting triggered by evangelical homophobia.  I'll check wikipedia to see if Ty ends up coming out.

The answer, and Ty's dick, after the break. Caution: Explicit.

David Henrie: The Wizard of Waverly Place re-wizards, but is he as gay-friendly and naked as his costars?

I thought lightning might strike twice, or rather five times. The Wizards of Waverly Place, which ran on the Disney Channel from 2007 to 2012, featured countless gay subtexts and about a dozen beefcake hunks who have gone on to a gay-positive adulthood.

Gregg Sulkin, left, displays his biceps and bulge in gay magazines.

Jake T. Austin starred in the gay-friendly The Fosters.

Dan Benson runs a gay-friendly OnlyFans page, where he reviews adult products and shows his dick.

Selena Gomez is "mostly straight," and reveals that her character, Alex Russo, was bisexual, but the Disney censors wouldn't let them say so.

David DeLuise is a gay ally who has a j/o video online -- after the break.

So what about David Henrie, who played eldest wizard in the family, Justin Russo?

Since Wizards, he has done a lot of voice work, and had minor roles in movies: 

Lane in Paul Blart, Mall Cop

Rudy Isling -- Walt Disney's competitor -- in Walt Before Mickey.

Clean Cut Man in Cardboard Boxer, about a homeless man who is forced into cage matches.

Sebastian in This is the Year, about a teen road trip.  David also directed, and his brother Lorenzo Henrie starred.  

The Young Ronald Reagan in a 2024 biopic.  Ugh.

Six episodes of Underdeveloped, a mockumentary about inept producers.

No gay content here.

 

David is now starring in Wizards Beyond Waverly Place:  Justin Russo gave up his wizard powers so he could marry a mortal woman.  Wait -- weren't his parents a mortal and a wizard?    Now he's a middle school vice principal with a wife and two sons, wearing an annoyingly overstated wedding ring that he flaunts around like a newly-engaged schoolgirl.

Trouble begins when he and his wife must become the foster parents to a girl who was raised in the wizard world.  And by the way, the fate of the universe is in her hands.

I watched two episodes -- awful.  No beefcake, no gay subtexts, except that Justin's son, played by Alkaio Thiele, doesn't mention an interest in girls.  A Redditer thinks that he will come out as gay eventually, but he'll have to get past his Dad first.

Is David at least gay-friendly in real life?  

Answer after the break. Caution: explicit.

Vice Principals Episode 1.8: The guys try to take down their boss, and there's a horse and some butts

Fans suggest that I try Vice Principals (2016-2018), Danny McBride's series about two high school vice principals scheming to take down their principal so they can take her job and enjoy all that fame, power, and wealth. Really? 

 "Best show on television!" "Hilarious!" "McBride is a comedic genius!"

Other fans caution that it's homophobic, racist, and loaded-down with queerbaiting.  

Uh-oh.  I'll watch an episode, just to track the homophobia and queerbaiting.

Scene 1: Gamby (Danny McBride) and Lee (Walton Goggins) have lured Principal Brown into a night of drunken debauchery to discredit her, so they can take over her job.  They leave her passed out in the bathtub of a sleazy hotel, then burn all the evidence linking them to her deviance. 

Does it make you nervous that two white men are going up against a black woman? 

How about that she is named Brown?

How about that there are no African-American teachers at North Jackson High School in Charleston, South Carolina?  

Scene 2:  B Plot: Gamby gives his daughter a horse to make up for taking away her motorcycle. She is angry, and ignores him. 

Later he asks how she likes the horse.  She prefers the motorcycle.  Besides, aren't horses expensive to keep up?  Gamby tells her that he'll be principal soon, so money will be pouring in.  Are principals really rich?  

Scene 3: In the school cafeteria, Ganby and Lee criticize Principal Brown for eating too much. Then they review the footage they shot of drunken debauchery that will destroy her career.   If she doesn't get drunk or have wild sex on school property, what's the problem?

Left: Danny McBride's butt.

Ganby can't remember his closer,  "End of the line, Slut!"   He's too distracted by his anguish: The Girl of His Dreams, whom he was dating, is ghosting him.

Scene 4: The guys lure Principal Brown in the woods by claiming that students are sneaking out there to smoke marijuana, and start to confront her with the evidence of her "gin-soaked evening."  But she thanks them for helping her out: "I'm glad you were there...I really appreciate it."   

Ganby tries to say "End of the line, Slut," but can't; she is being too nice.  But Lee, the  more evil of the two, steps in: "We have this here video of you acting all crazy. Your career is over!  We won, bitch!"  

He brags about some of the other things they did to her, like burn down her house, causing her to attack, punching and kicking them.  If you've been waiting your whole life to see a middle-aged black lady and white man in a fist fight, your prayers have been answered.  I find it a bit uncomfortable due to the overlay of institutional racism and patriarchy.  She is a far superior fighter, if that helps.

Finally Lee gets around to the blackmail: step down as principal, or the video goes viral. Hey, isn't that a plot arc of the first season of Righteous Gemstones: give us a million dollars, or we'll post this video of your sex-and-drugs party?

Scene 5:  Lee threw Principal Brown's shoe away, so she has to walk down the rocky trail back to the school semi-barefoot.  She walks to her car in slow motion, gazes longingly at the school, and drives off. 

More butts and racism after the break

"American Sports Story": Football player turned murder, with evangelical homophobia everywhere

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"Decline and Fall": Theology student sent down for immorality in 1930s Oxford, with Oxfordian dicks and bums

 

After Brideshead Revisited appeared on television in 1982, everyone thought that Evelyn Waugh was a gay writer, and started buying up the original novel from 1945, as well as his other novels, Decline and Fall and Vile Bodies.  Turns out that he was straight-ish, regretted the gay romances of his Oxford years, and thought of same-sex love as decadent and immoral, or at best adolescent experimentation that you give up once you are old enough for the "real love" of a woman.   So I don't expect the  2017 BBC adaption of his Decline and Fall, streaming on Amazon Prime, to have any gay characters. 

Or maybe not.  Waugh derived the title and central theme from The Decline and Fall of the West, by Otto Spengler, which theorizes that societies inevitably decline into moral decadence.  Including LGBT people.  So maybe there will be some homophobia.

Scene 1: The Bollinger Club at Scone College, Oxford -- har, har -- is trashing their common room.  Meanwhile, quiet theology student Paul Pennyfeather  (Jack Whitehall, top photo) is sitting quietly with his friend Potts (Matthew Beard, left), who wants to go to a church tomorrow and "make some rubbings."  He means rubbings of tombstones, but...har, har.  Paul refuses, whereupon the friend says "I'll make some rubbings for you."  I'll bet you will...

On his way home, Paul runs afoul of the Bollinger Club, who strip him naked and force him to run across the quad.  Although he is not responsible, he is expelled from Oxford for "moral malfeasance."  

Scene 2: Generally men sent down for moral failings become schoolmasters, and there's a position available in Llanaba, Wales, to teach English, French, German, Latin, and coach cricket.  Paul doesn't speak German, but the job agent tells him to fake it.

Scene 3: Paul arrives at Llanaba, finds his way to the school, which is actually quite ornate, and is introduced to Captain Grimes (Douglas Hodge),  just as he is disciplining a student for whistling.  The other students were whistling, too, but "it makes no difference."  He gets 100 lines, and next time a beating. 

Then the Headmaster  and his daughters, whom Paul snubs.  Not into girls, are you?  He's in charge of the fifth form (15-16 year olds), games, carpentry,  and fire drill, and he'll be giving Best-Chedwyth organ lessons.  "But I don't play the organ."  "You do now."

Scene 4: The shabby Fifth Form classroom.  Headmaster advises Paul not to mention why he was sent down, and rushes away.. The students make fun of "Good morning" and role call, lock his desk drawer, and give him trick chalk. 

Scene 5: After the first class debacle, he rushes to the common room, and meets the hard-drinking Prendergast:  "You'll hate it here.  I do.  We all do."  Then to his room to unpack his stuff and be depressed.

Cut to dinner: teachers have to eat with their students. Paul is still depressed, the students still disrespectful, the food greenish slop.  

Afterwards, Captain Grimes escorts him to the pub. They discuss the Headmaster's two daughters; Grimes is engaged to "the haybale," leaving "the male one" for Paul.

About the Fifth Formers: Don't try to teach them anything, just keep them quiet and beat them.  Grimes isn't cut out for teaching; he keeps getting sacked at private schools for "doing things," but fortunately he's a public school alumnus so he always gets another job. In Britain, "public schools" are like the private schools in America.  

During the War, he "did something" that almost resulted in a firing squad, but because he was a public school alumnus, they just transfered him to Ireland, where you can "do things" without penalty.  Same-sex acts?  But they wouldn't get you a death sentence in Britain at the time

The leering Philbrick (Stephen Graham, left) approaches and asks if either of them would fancy a woman tonight. You got any men? They refuse.  Grimes says that he doesn't really fancy women.

More after the break

Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard. With a Michael O'Hearn frontal

After the gloomfest of The Mick, I needed something a little more upbeat. So Workaholics Episode 1.9, which was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong  -- and something you can catch.  Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur!  We'll see. 

Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right?  The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso."  Can't disagree with that.  

Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.

Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home?  Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."  

Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building!  The guys, watching, don't understand..  "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?"  Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.  

Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon!  They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career.  She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things.  Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.)  Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.  

He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle.  The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.

Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool (we've already established that he's a former swimming champ).

The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex?  I think a big reveal is coming. 

Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon.  She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.  

Scene 5:  Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition.  Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl.  Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex.  But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?  

Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?"   She is totally open to the idea.

Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"  

Upset at being interrupted in the midst of a seduction, Ders cries "You are frickin' dead, boy!" But when he climbs out of the pool, he is aroused!  

They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft.  But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims.  He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkiness.  What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet?  It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness  distracting your opponent.  "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."  

Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight.  Maybe if they just hurl insults?  Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss.  And they're aroused again! 

More arousal after the break

Theo James: Why is he naked all the time, and has he done anything gay-positive?

 

In White Lotus Season 2, Cameron and Ethan (Theo James, Will Sharpe) and their wives visit the Italian resort, and start flirting with every woman in sight, plus each other. In Episode 4, Cameron even says "I want to be inside you.  I want to do stuff to you."  But it is just queerbaiting; the two never lock lips.  In fact, they hate each other.

You could probably figure that White Lotus, well known for its shocking homophobia, would never portray an actual gay romance.  After all, it was created and written by Mike White, aka The Devil. 

But Theo James is not personally homophobic; he has been interviewed an a dozen gay magazines, he wants to play a gay action-adventure hero, and he was in the running to play gay pop star George Michael.  Let's check his previous work for gay roles.

The Time Traveler's Wife (2022) features (straight) lovers stymied by the guy's frequent involuntary time slips.  Heterosexuals all the way down, although it does give us some nice rear and frontal nudity.

Sanditon (2019-22) is an adaption of a novel that Jane Austen left unfinished at her death in 1817. There is actually a gay character, outed in the second season. Theo plays Sidney Parker, whom focus character Charlotte love/hates with the "He's arrogant!" trope.  

In the animated Castlevania (2018-21), Theo plays Hector, whose plot is propelled by that horribly cliched Dead Wife Trope.  

Archive (2020)?  Another guy with a Dead Wife, who he tries to recreate with an android.  Yawn.  I'm beginning to think that it will be tired cliches as well as heterosexuals  all the way down.  Are the butts and dicks worth the trouble?

Lying and Stealing (2019)? Caper romance between two thieves.

How it Ends (2018)?  "In the midst of an Apocalypse, a man struggles to reach his pregnant fiance, who is a thousand miles away." That's actually the motive behind about half of the characters on The Walking Dead: "I'm looking for my wife!"

Before The White Lotus, Theo was most famous for the Divergent series, four movies set in a teen dystopia where people are classified according to their primary virtue: Candor, Dauntless, Erudite, Abnegation, and Amity.  He plays Four, a Dauntless instructor who romances focus character Beatrice. 

Ok, let's try Theo's future projects.  In the upcoming The Gentleman (2024), he plays Eddie Halsted, who inherits his father's estate without realizing that it is the front for a drug empire.  And he...falls in love...with...

I give up.

Bonus: Theo dick after the break

Simon Rex: From gay-ish porn to homophobic comedy to gay necrophilia to Bupkis

I don't know who Simon Rex is, except that he starred in Down Low, a Netflix bait-and-switch movie where everybody dies, and maybe Jackass?  But seeing or hearing his name gives me a vaguely disquieting, uncomfortable sensation, as if there's something wrong about him.  Let's do some research to find out why. 

Wikipedia gives a full, lenthy biography.  Born in San Francisco in 1974, started out modeling nude and wanking in four gay porn videos -- not having sex with any guys, just wanking.  Wikipedia mentions his girlfriend right off to assure readers that it's ok, he's straight, he never did any actual gay stuff.

Maybe that's where the disquiet comes from -- reading articles that mention his "disreputable" and "sleazy" past, without specifying that it's just some j/o videos.

He's not bad looking here. 

Modeling gigs for Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfinger followed.

In 1995, at age 21, Simon became a VJ, like a disc jockey for videos, on MTV.  He says that this  made him a household name, "because I was on tv every day from 3-4."  Prime after-school time.

  

The VJ gig lasted for only two years, but it pushed Simon into a movie career:

He played "Slab O' Beef" in Shriek if You Know What I did Last Friday the 13th.

George Logan, a rapper/ women's boxing promoter in Scary Movie 3 and 4.  He commits suicide by overdosing on Viagra and jumping off a  balcony.  Also, there's a lot of homophobic rhetoric.

National Lampoon's Pledge This  is about the breasts of college girls. Simon plays Derek, who dumps one college girl with breasts when he falls in love with another.  A review notes that it presents lesbians as sexual predators and gay men as easily turned straight by the right pair of breasts.

I'm getting an idea of the reason for the disquiet.

His days of frontal nudity far behind, Simon rarely even took his shirt off. Here's one of the few examples, in Boy Toy, 2011. 

The title is misleading: it's not a gay movie.  It's about an unsuccessful but well hung underwear model who tries a new career as a gigolo. No, we don't see his dick.

2020s dick after the break. Warning: explicit.

"English Teacher": Gay teacher, his ex-boyfriend, and his homophobic buddy face woke culture and get naked

I spent the worst year of my life teaching English at Homophobe State University in Hell, aka a far northern suburb of Houston, Texas. The minute I submitted the last of the final grades, I got in my car and drove nonstop until that blessed "You are now leaving Hell" sign was receding into the distance.

So the new Hulu series, English Teacher, about an English teacher in small town Hell...I mean Texas...piqued my interest.  I could relive how hideously horrible it was, from the safe distance of my living room a thousand miles away.

Score -- none of the promotional materials let on, but this English teacher, Evan, played by Brian Jordan Alvarez,  is gay.  Let the rampant homophobia begin.

Left: the worst place in the world

And Brian Jordan Alvarez's cock, to take your mind off the horror.

Wait -- in English Teacher, everyone knows that Evan is gay.  Not a problem.  The problem is, he's kind of a jerk.

The much more woke students want to cancel him, for instance, because he said that he couldn't understand why lesbians aren't attracted to men.  Lots of people aren't attracted to men, idjit!

In the first episode, a parent wants him fired, claiming that he turned her kid gay by kissing his then-boyfriend and current hookup, played by Jordan Firstman, in front of the class. 

Left: Jordan's dick.

More after the break

Studs from the Steppes: Twelve Mongolian musclemen, Uzbek boyfriends, and Kyrgyz cocks

When I was in about sixth grade, I bought an atlas of world history in the gift shop of the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. One of the maps showed the Khanate of the Golden Horde covering most of Eurasia, from Mongolia to Poland.  Who wouldn't be fascinated by that?

Later I read The Empire of the Steppes, with Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Tamerlane shaping world history, and did a research project on gay personal ads in Central Asia.  I got my M.A. from Indiana University, where you can study Central Asian languages, but I decided on Mandarin instead.

 I don't want to actually visit these places: endless steppes sound a little boring, and they have some of the most homophobic governments on the planet.  But a quick look at some Central Asian hunks might be fun.

1. Mongolian guy on a gay dating site, top photo.

 Mongolia is not all nomads living in yurts. Check out the skyline of modern UlaanBataar.  

2. Ulaanbataar boy on Grindr.  A little skinny; I'd hold out for the wrestler.

3. Kazakh guy from Almaty. previously Alma-Ata, previously the capital.

4-7. Shirtless dinner in Koshetau, Kazakhstan

8. Tatar sheep-wrangler from Kazan, which is actually in Russia, a 13-hour drive from the border of Kazakhstan.   But he's cute, so who's complaining.

More after the break. Warning: explicit

Kevin from Work: Tony Cavalero tries to steal Noah Reid's boyfriend. With random Colt model dicks

 

Kevin from Work is a ten-episode sitcom that aired on ABC Family in the fall of 2015. It got awful reviews centered on "raunchy jokes delivered by unsavory characters," but it's available for binging on Hulu if you're interested.  I reviewed Episode 1.2 because it starred Tony Cavalero as a creepy gay guy.

The premise: Noah Reid plays Kevin, a nebbish who's been in love with a female coworker for years, but too chicken to say anything.  He thinks he's being transferred to Italy, so he expresses his love in a grand gesture before leaving forever.  Whoops, the transfer falls through.  Now they have to continue working together...awkward!

Scene 1:  Kevin gets a ride to work with his best friend, gym rat Brian (Matt Murray, below).  He wonders about Don (Tony Cavalero), the guy in the back seat who is leering at him and invading his body space.  

Best Friend Brian explains: "When you left me for Italy, I had to look after myself.  You made me turn to the internet to find a friend. You search 'fit man seeking man,' you're going to find some crazy stuff."   

The viewer is expected to interpret "crazy stuff" as "gay men," and sympathize with Brian.  Creepy gay guys responded!  He must have been horrified!  But he just means that some of the guys who answered were not as fit as they claimed to be.  

Creepy Don in the back seat points out that he and Brian are a good match, because he has only 2% body fat. "What's your body fat percentage, Kevin?"  Jealous, Don?

Left: Mike Timber, a Colt model who Google Images thinks is cast member RogerTimber.

Kevin ignores him. He thinks he sees His Crush, whom he sent the awkward grand gesture to, and insists that they park in the back.  We get a montage of their awkward close encounters as he tries to work in the office without running into her.  "I could have lived a happy, fulfilled life if only I hadn't told her that I loved her!"  

Scene 2: When Kevin catches a ride with Best Friend Brian the next day, Creepy Don isn't there. "He's at his mom's. I'm supposed to pick him up in an hour. We're going to the driving range, and then he's going to take me to his orthotics guy (foot doctor)."  Rather a random series of events for Date Night.   

Actually, Brian needs a way out: he isn't interested in Creepy Don anymore, now that Kevin is back: "You're my 100%."  Awww.  Now how do they dump the rebound boyfriend?

Scene 3: Best Friend Brian brings Creepy Don into the office, and asks Kevin to do the break-up: "Explain to him that we are reunited, and his friendship services are no longer required."  That's not what you said in bed last night, Dude. 

More after the break

Does Kit Harington really have a tiny pecker? And what's wrong with that? With examples of tiny peckers.

 

I never heard of Kit Harington before yesterday, when a reader mentioned that he appears in Season 3 of  Industry.  I was going to do a profile, but got sidetracked by Kit's penis.

I don't like the beard.  He looks better clean-shaven.

Apparently Kit is or was the resident hunk on Game of Thrones.  I only watched ten minutes before being turned by the constant naked ladies, but here he's kissing a guy, so he's played a gay character.

But not in Thrones.  Costar Nicolaj Koster-Waldau notes  “a change in the level of female lust in the room when Kit is there, which all the males find annoying and disrespectful."

First, how can he help it if all the women in the world lust after him?  It's not his fault. 

Second, why do all the males in the world find it annoying.  Surely there's at least one or two gay men on Earth, Nicolaj?

You're from Denmark, which has gay marriage,  and you starred in Bent, about gay men in Nazi Germany.  You played a gay character!  You should know that gay men exist, friggin' homophobe!

I'm already angry with Kit, and he didn't even make the homophobic statement.    

Everyone on the internet thinks that he's got a small dick, due to an article that states that Kit Harington is the reason Jon Snow, presumably his character, has a tiny penis.

But actually the writers "got even" with him for being so attractive -- only to women, of course -- and had someone reference his  character's lack of penile hugeness: "What kind of God would have a pecker that small?

In real life, all we have is this heavily censored j/o session. 

And this photo, from Fleshbot, advertising a "gay make out session" between Kit and Chris Zylka.  Except it's Chris Zylka, whom Kit kisses in The Death and Life of John F. Donovan.

More cocks after the break