When I was a kid, my church had no problem with classical music, but my parents hated "that longhair stuff," so there was none in the house. My first exposure to Bach, Berlioz, Beethoven, and Mozart came through a series of Young People's Concerts (1958-72) which appeared occasionally on Sunday afternoons, hosted by famous composer Leonard Bernstein.
Later, when I joined the school orchestra, I learned more about Leonard Bernstein.
I saw his gay symbolism-heavy musicals, On the Town (1949), starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, and West Side Story (1961), starring gay actor George Chakiris and assorted high-stepping hunks.
And his Symphony #3, Kaddish, named after the Jewish prayer for the dead.
He appeared on tv, conducting Gershwin in 1974, Mahler in 1975, and Beethoven in 1982.
No one ever mentioned that he was gay. His works revealed nothing, except maybe the Serenade for Solo Violin, Strings, Harp, and Percussion, after Plato's Symposium (1954). The Symposium contains Plato's famous defense of same-sex love.
In the spring of my senior year, Aaron, the rabbi's son who was gay (but didn't know it yet), invited me to a performance of Bernstein's Mass, a musical theater piece based on the Latin Mass.
Later, when I joined the school orchestra, I learned more about Leonard Bernstein.
I saw his gay symbolism-heavy musicals, On the Town (1949), starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, and West Side Story (1961), starring gay actor George Chakiris and assorted high-stepping hunks.
And his Symphony #3, Kaddish, named after the Jewish prayer for the dead.
He appeared on tv, conducting Gershwin in 1974, Mahler in 1975, and Beethoven in 1982.
No one ever mentioned that he was gay. His works revealed nothing, except maybe the Serenade for Solo Violin, Strings, Harp, and Percussion, after Plato's Symposium (1954). The Symposium contains Plato's famous defense of same-sex love.
In the spring of my senior year, Aaron, the rabbi's son who was gay (but didn't know it yet), invited me to a performance of Bernstein's Mass, a musical theater piece based on the Latin Mass. "Wait -- isn't Bernstein Jewish?"
He nodded. "That's what makes it interesting."
Act 1: Devotion and Celebration. The celebrant invites the congregants to worship. They begin authentically, but then doubt creeps in. Nazarenes were told that it was a sin to doubt the existence of God, the inerrancy of the Bible, or the fundamental beliefs like the Virgin Birth: the Devil's primary temptation was not to do bad things, but to doubt. But here it is celebrated as part of the worship experience. How can God be with us when there is so much suffering in the world?
Act 2: Crisis and Collapse: The anxieties and doubts of the congregants take their toll on the celebrant, who has a spiritual collapse, breaks the sacred objects, and screams in rage against God.
What I say -- I don't feel.
What I feel -- I can't show.
What I show -- isn't real.
What is real? Oh Lord, I don't know.
Every boy has discovered girls at your age. Every boy has experienced True Love, that fills "the hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame." If you haven't, you must pretend. Smile, grin, flirt, talk about how much you long for feminine smiles, every day, every hour, for the rest of your life.
Later, in my room, with the theme song to Husbands, Wives, and Lovers playing in the background, I wrote a poem in my journal:
We live in masks
Our faces hard and numb, our voices monotone
And if we see a thing of beauty, a red pill is prescribed
And if we dare to fall in love, the verdict is insanity
So we continue
Shuffling on to houses and wives
And the suicide rate continues to climb
Nazarenes weren't supposed to associate with Catholics, or have anything to do with Catholic music, so of course I wanted to go.
There are three acts.
Act 1: Devotion and Celebration. The celebrant invites the congregants to worship. They begin authentically, but then doubt creeps in. Nazarenes were told that it was a sin to doubt the existence of God, the inerrancy of the Bible, or the fundamental beliefs like the Virgin Birth: the Devil's primary temptation was not to do bad things, but to doubt. But here it is celebrated as part of the worship experience. How can God be with us when there is so much suffering in the world?
Originally the congregants mentioned war, but in more recent versions, they mention racism and homophobia.
Act 2: Crisis and Collapse: The anxieties and doubts of the congregants take their toll on the celebrant, who has a spiritual collapse, breaks the sacred objects, and screams in rage against God.
What I say -- I don't feel.
What I feel -- I can't show.
What I show -- isn't real.
What is real? Oh Lord, I don't know.
Suddenly I realized that he was mirroring the interrogation that I received constantly from parents, friends, teachers, my brother, the preacher at church, "What girl do you like? What girl? What girl? What girl?"
Every boy has discovered girls at your age. Every boy has experienced True Love, that fills "the hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame." If you haven't, you must pretend. Smile, grin, flirt, talk about how much you long for feminine smiles, every day, every hour, for the rest of your life.
In the third act, Resolution, a boy emerges from the congregation and sings "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help," offering hope in the midst of despair. The celebrant is restored, and the Mass continues.
But I wasn't paying attention.
More after the break
Later, in my room, with the theme song to Husbands, Wives, and Lovers playing in the background, I wrote a poem in my journal:
We live in masks
Our faces hard and numb, our voices monotone
And if we see a thing of beauty, a red pill is prescribed
And if we dare to fall in love, the verdict is insanity
So we continue
Shuffling on to houses and wives
And the suicide rate continues to climb
Two months later, after enduring the senior prom and a graduation party with mattresses "In case you and your girl want to get down," I was sitting in the theater for the opening sequence of Grease. Frankie Valli sang:
The adults are lying -- only real is real.
The adults are lying -- only real is real.
We stop the fight right now.
We got to be who we feel.
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