The Top 10 Hunks of Queerbaiting TV, Part 2: Dead Pixies, an Irish psychopath, a Kraken's dick, a swishy straight guy, and a bonus Adam Devine

 

Ready for another set of hunks acquired through sitting through queerbaiting, gay teases, heteronormative erasure, and research that goes nowhere?  

"It's not easy having a good time" -- Frank N Furter.

1. Will Merrick.  Dead Pixies, a "new" Britcom on Hulu (actually 2019-21) is about three online gamers who struggle with life in the non-cyber world: the intensely hetero-horny Meg; Usman, who mentions his wife every five seconds, and Nicki (Will Merrick), who never mentions girls or any heterosexual interest -- until Season 2, when he gets a girlfriend.  A whole season of queerbaiting.

And the series is  actually called Dead Pixels. 

2. Richard Short (top photo)

I still like gingers, queerbaiting or not, so I checked on Will Merrick's other work, and found The Night Passenger "Marty (Will) is going through a crisis and is hanging on by a thread. After discovering a man (Richard Short, top photo) tied up in his trunk things go from bad to worse. Worse being a psychopathic Irishman who joins Marty on a journey through the city of LA."

Doubtless the guy in the trunk becomes a buddy/lover, and helps Marty fight the psycho.  But all of the pictures on the IMDB show Marty having a heart-to-heart with a depressed looking woman.

3. Kyle Harris.  I spent 30 minutes watching the "flashy girl from Flushing helps the cops" series High Potential, Episode 1.12, because the murder victim,  "controversial" tech guy Anson Pierce (Kyle Harris), had a queer-coded little dog (unharmed) and a mother, but no wife or girlfriend. Obviously gay.  But 30 minutes in, we learn that he was having secret trysts with a woman.  Why keep it secret?

In other news, Officer Karadec has a blistering relationship with his "former partner," FBI Agent Hank (Joe Alvarez).  I kept assuming that he meant romantic partner due to their sultry looks, married-couple arguments, and statements like "it's a lot more complicated than that" from coworkers who knew them back then.  But nothing ever comes of it.  The two don't even part with a hug. 

Two gay teases in one episode. 

4. AZ Nude Men featured this shot of a guy with his dick out, probably prosthetic.  He is Ian Stanley, playing The Kraken, maybe a sports star, on Episode 1.4 on of the medical drama The Pitt.  

I hate medical dramas -- who wants to watch people dying? -- but I fast-forwarded through Episode 1.4, with various patients dying, being told that they're dying, and having medical emergencies.

Finally we get to the Kraken.  He's having a seizure, so four doctors and nurses hold him down while Whitaker  (Gerran Howell) jabs him with an injection.  And gets peed on, har har.  We never even see the Kraken's face. 

I guess that doesn't count as queerbaiting.  Maybe it's penis-baiting?

5.  Taj Speights.  The Kraken is supposed to appear in three episodes, so I fast-forwarded through Episode 1.5 of The Pitt.  He's not there, but one scene features swishy, femme-voiced college guy Tag Speights, whom the doctors all know and love, dropping by.  

After excessive hugging and everyone telling him how wonderful he is, the head doc asks "Are you looking for ROBBIE? "   Must be his boyfriend.

"No. We were going to go to the jazz festival together, but I decided to ditch him and go with a friend instead."  

"A friend!!!!! What's HER name???", they ask, high-fiving and congratulating each other, absurdly jublilant.  He says "Leah."

Wait -- they can't be celebrating because they're so relieved to discover that he's straight -- they immediately assumed that the "friend" was a girl, not a boy?   So if they already knew he was a femme straight guy, why the intense celebration?  

Still, making him all femme and pretending that he had a boyfriend named Robbie is a blatant gay tease.

More after the break

The Top 10 Hunks of Queerbaiting TV: a 2012 gay video star, an alien from the 53rd century, a cucumber, Jack McBrayer, and Oscar Wilde

 I've been having bad luck with tv shows lately.  

I've been watching the tenth series of Doctor Who (2016-17) under the impression that the Time Lord's  companion Nardole is gay.    Actor Matt Lucas is gay, so why not?  Besides, Nardole is sassy and snippy, he's dismissive of female companion Bill, he hides in another alien's crotch, and he acts like he's quite smitten with a blue-skinned fellow.

1. It took a lot of research to find the identity of the blue-skinned guy -- IMBD didn't know, and Google thought he was 2012-13 gay video star Justin LeBeau (top photo).

2. The Tardis Fandom website calls him Dahh-Ren, played by Peter Caulfield of the gay British series Cucumber .

But Nardole's interest in Dahh-Ren is just querbaiting: later in the episode, dude mentions an old girlfriend.

Doctor Who often features gay characters.  Bill is herself a lesbian, and has fallen for women twice so far.  So why the queerbaiting?

3. I fast-forwarded through 14 episodes of Insecure, on Netflix, about two black women looking for love and sex, because it had a gay character, Ahmal, played by Jean Eli.  He was interviewed extensively about what it felt like to play a gay character, how he tried to subvert stereotypes, and so on.  Dude appeared for only a few seconds in each episode, when his sister calls to ask his advice on something, or when she brings him as her date to a party.  He is shown with a man just once, cooking, for three seconds.  

Not exactly queerbaiting, more like "gay but let's not show it" erasure.

4. But at least there were a lot of hot black guys showing their backsides as they sexified the ladies. Such as Jay Ellis.

5. And Y'lan Noel.

More after the break

"Going Dutch": Military sitcom with an Old Soldier, a gay tease, and a muscular private (sigh). With bonus private's privates

 

In the last few days, I've started a dozen movies and tv shows that seemed promising -- guys gazing at each other on the icon, a trailer with buddy-bonding -- only to start them, and the focus character is kissing a woman by Minute 1.  The constant gay teasing is getting annoying.  Why tailor your project to attract viewers who are going to turn it off in 20 seconds?  

I'm so frustrated that I'm going to review something at random, the first "new!" title that appears on Hulu, Going Dutch: "After an epically unfiltered rant, an arrogant, loudmouth U.S. Army Colonel is reassigned to the Netherlands, where he is punished with a command position at the least important army base in the world. 

An army comedy?  Yuck!  But here goes, Episode 1.1:

Scene 1: USAG Baumholder Command Center.  I don't know what USAG means. Google says a gymnastics association, but that can't be right.   

Two army guys walk down the hall, the Old Guy (Dennis Leary, left) giving the Swishy Guy notes on how to introduce him: "Mention the Rangers, give America an erection."  Google says that the Rangers are an ice hockey team.

Swishy Guy: "I'll mention your Medal of Honor and your tours of Iraq and Afghanistan, and end up with your daughters, so you'll come off as a family man, and everyone will love you."

Old one: "No, don't mention them. I don't want to be beloved. I need to be tough, this close to Russia!"  Dude, you're in the Netherlands.  Russia is five countries and 2500 km away.

Swishy one: "We shouldn't mention how eager you are to start World War III." 

Scene 2: They meet with the Commander, General Davidson, who immediately asks about his daughters. "I hear you're a grandfather now."  Sorry, dude, he wants a family man.

Old Guy doesn't know what he means.  Oh, the baby?  "That's not a human being yet, more of a blob." Maybe stick with starting World War III.

Uh-oh, Old Guy was told that he was going to be the Commander.  Change of plans: he was caught on tape calling General Davidson a bleep, so he's in charge of  USAG Stroopsdorf, a supply center: "The least important army base in the world." 

Scene 3:  They walk through the Stroopsdorf Base: a miniature golf course, an outdoor fitness center. Old Guy is outraged at a "fat hippie on a bike."  Where's the discipline?   He vows to turn "this dump" into a proper combat base. 

Next, a tour of the fromagerie, the bowling alley, and the laundry, the three things Stroopsdorf is known for.

Plus a teen center with a sign "Reading is radical."  There are no teens on the base, so civilians from town use it for pool and video games. Old Guy tries to eject  "a small time gigolo" and a very muscular Private. 

Left: Small Time Gigolo is played by Icelandic actor Arnmundur Ernst Björnsson

Scene 4: The Interim Commander, a blond woman, addresses the troops: they have new headphones to use on the treadmills in the gym. No one mentioned Old Guy's wife. She must be dead, so he and Interim Commander can start a  "will they or won't they" romance.

Nope, she is his estranged daughter!  The Commander didn't mention that little detail.

She cut off all contact with him two years ago, but he didn't notice, because he "was busy saving America."  But working together will be an even worse punishment thatn being assigned to a "Dutch Club Med.

Scene 5: Swishy Guy flirts with Muscular Private as he plays foosball.  Wouldn't you?  Asked "What does your X/O mean?", he responds "I'm the Commander of Hugs and Kisses." Smooth move, dude.  But he impresses Muscular by winning the foosball game, then rushes to the Commanders to note that everyone can hear them arguing.

Muscular Private is played by Dempsey Bryk, who has rather an androgynous presence, but plays a lot of muscular guys (top photo).

Swishy Guy is played by Danny Pudi, who is heterosexual, but played a gay-subtext character on Community.  It's probably the same here: swishy as a gay tease, but soon to be outed as straight.

Interin Commander notes that they are marching in the Tulip Festival tomorrow, the first time they have been invited, so their presence is "crucial to diplomatic relations."  

More after the break

"You're the Worst," Episode 5.6: Is Jimmy hooking up with his buddy? Is Rapper Sam still bi? Is Dax a gay porn star?

 

Recently American comedies have been breaking the longstanding rule that sitcom characters have to be nice, the sort of people you'd want to invite into your home in real life.  Of course, the British have been doing it for years, but in the U.S. it's so uncommon that it still comes as a jolt to see someone who isn't very likeable in a sitcom.

You're the Worst, on Hulu, warns you in advance. Jimmy and Gretchen (Chris Geere, Aya Cash) are horrible, amoral people who dislike each other (well, except in the bedroom) and pursue a five-season long romance culminating in a series-finale wedding.  The B-plots usually involve the marital squabbles of another amoral couple who dislike each other, Edgar and Lindsay (Desmin Borges, Kether Donohue).  

I already reviewed an episode where rapper Sam Dresden  gets cancelled for using the f*-word, but turns out to be ok with gay men -- they're good at sucking.  To see if he is still bisexual or straight-but-open-to-oral interests, I reviewed Episode 5.6,  "This Brief Fermata."  According to the Google AI, "A fermata is a musical symbol indicating that a note should be held longer than its normal duration."

Scene 1: Jimmy and Gretchen are planning the table seating for their wedding reception, but Paul, Allan McLeod, is too boring to be placed.  They deserve a break from the drudgery of planning the wedding.  Jimmy suggests Fuck Week, a week where they can have sex with whoever they want.  He is surprised that Gretchen is so quick to agree.  

Scene 2: Monday.  At her job at the public relations firm, Gretchen checks out the hunk bulges and butts.  Assistant Lindsay notes a problem with Rapper Sam, Brandon Mychal Smith: his new track is bad, "Vietnam bad."  

But Gretchen doesn't care: it's Fuck Week, so she and Lindsay can go "day dicking" like they used to, at the Museum of Tolerance and Barney's Beanery -- wait, the notorious "Fagots keep out" joint?

First she has to sign up the new guy, Nok Nok -- Lou Taylor Pucci, top photo.  She figures he's so spaced-out, he'll be easy to snare, but he wants to hear the full pitch -- "Strategy, targets, concept art."  Uh-oh, she'll have to do work instead of getting dick.

Scene 3: Tuesday: Gretchen and Jimmy eat Chinese food while watching Nok Nok's videos and trying to come up with a pitch.  Jimmy has lipstick on his collar -- he's already successfully gotten laid.  Wait -- Buddy Edgar brings him a drink and gazes lustfully, but Jimmy shakes his head. Did they have sex, or is Edgar offering?

Cut to Wednesday: Gretchen revealing her pitch to Nok Nok.  He doesn't like it: how about a hard-scrabble life?  He was on the street at age 15, and he's a single dad?  

Assistant Lindsay went out dicking yesterday, and she, too successfully got laid. By the way, Rapper Sam is angry because his new, terrible track hasn't seen any radio play yet.  But screw it: Gretchen is going to forget about work and get some dick.

Scene 4: Thursday.  Jimmy comes in with a hickey, having gotten laid again. Another lustful gaze from Buddy Edgar.  Are they going at it?  Gretchen is still working. 

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

A Discovery of Witches: Some lesbians, a gay tease, a very important book, and Matthew Goode's goods

 

On to the next of the new paranormal tv series on Netflix, A Discovery of Witches.  

But it's nowhere near Halloween.

Prologue: "It begins with absence and desire.  It begins with blood and fear,  It begins with..." Coffee and bagels?  No, "a discovery of witches."

Scene 1: Nice establishing shots of Oxford.  Matthew (Matthew Goode) complains that this was once a world of wonder, but it belongs to the humans now. Demons, vampires, and witches have all gone into the closet.

Cut to a blonde woman rowing in the Thames, then running through the university, taking a shower -- gratuitous nudity, at Minute 2, no fair! --  eating breakfast, packing up her stuff, and pausing to gaze despondently at a photograph of her and her boyfriend.  Actually, the lady in the photo seems a year or two older, so maybe it's her lookalike sister or mother.  Looking at her makes Rowing Lady extremely depressed, so she must be dead.

Biking across town, locking up her bike -- whoops, her papers fall out and scatter, but she uses her magic powers to retrieve them. Fortunately, no one sees her.

Scene 2: Rowing Lady, Diane, is a Visiting Research Fellow who took her D.Phil. in the History of Science from Oxford, published two prize-winning books, and got tenure at Yale.  In the History of Science? 

In her powerpoint presentation, she theorizes that the Renaissance alchemists were actually describing real chemical processes.  She's going to research the manuscripts of Elias Ashmole , after whom they named the Ashmolean Library. A lady rushes up and offers her a position at Oxford, and wants to know if her book is ready yet.  She hasn't started the research yet, nitwit. 

Scene 4:  Diane has coffee with an old friend from Oxford, who gazes at her -- ex-girlfriend?  She was trained in classical history, where there are no jobs, so she's just an adjunct.  And there are jobs in the history of science? 

The friend invites her to the coven tonight, but Diane isn't comfortable around magic after what happened to her parents.  Witch burning?

Scene 5: In another building, a guy -- maybe Matthew?  -- is praying with his rosary.  Um -- Oxford is Anglican.

Left: Matthew's butt.  

And his cock.  It's not much, but he's an upper-class straight white man, so he'll be in a position of power regardless.

Cut to Diane in the Ashmolean Library, ordering books from the hunky library guy, played by Ezra Idun.  But the book whispers at her, and some pages have been cut out.   And the Praying Guy hears a heart beat!  In other news, her needy friend drops by to flirt with her some more.

As Diane types her notes, the lights flash and everybody hears the whispering.  Praying Guy gets a call from a woman, who explains that their blood is reacting to something.  They must be vampires.  Catholic vampires who go out in the daytime.  He uses his super-hearing to locate the disturbance

Meanwhile, Diane finds that touching the pages burns her!  She returns the book and rushes out of the building, bumping into a passerby who looks like her dad! Praying Guy is watching her suspiciously.

More after the break