Jamar Pusch: A lot of biceps and bulges, an occasional dick.

 

A poster on the Brock O'Hurn fan board asked if we were familiar Jamar Pusch: "A top predator for sure."  I wasn't, but I soon got an eyeful: he has enormous quads and delts, moderately ripped abs, and the biggest pecs in bodybuilding history.  The measurements don't seem to be available online, but they have to surpass Arnold Schwarzenegger's 54"   Back when I was a gym rat, I topped out at 48"

Ok, now they've crossed the border into grotesque.  You look like you have boobs, dude.

Jamar is very active on social media. His Instagram, tagged, "King of Pecs," has 757,000 followers

He has several Facebook pages.  The biggest, tagged "Tell me the power of a man," has 121,000 members.

Plus Tiktok videos with 2.8 million views, Youtube videos with 280,000 views, X posts, and no doubt some social media platforms that I'm too old to know about. 

But they're all bicep-flexing and pec-bouncing.  Every one. No travel, no food, no friends, no family, nothing about his life outside the gym.

This was the only picture with an interesting background.  Otherwise it's just his muscles, with an occasional bulge or dick.

Only one website revealed any biographical details: He was born in Hamburg, Germany, on July 6th, 1996, Presumably his ancestry is Indian or Pakistani.  He began training in 2012: this photo shows his development between age 13 and 20

Nor is he listed on the Internet Movie Database, the Broadway Database, male model directories, bodybuilder directories...he doesn't appear to do anything professionally that would involve his face or physique. 

He has two or three porn clips,but not enough to suggest a porn career, or to determine if he is gay or straight.   He doesn't appear to do anything professionally that would involve his penis, either. 

I think he monetizes subscriptions to his videos.

More after the break

Bumper in Berlin Episode 1.1: Bumper from "Pitch Perfect" sings, meets a hunk, and doesn't get The Girl. Plus Morris Bleibtreu's butt

Remember Bumper, the a capella jerk from Pitch Perfect, played by Adam Devine?  In November 2022, he spun off into his own tv series, Bumper in Berlin.

The only other male character in the regular cast is Pieter Kramer (Flula Borg, below).  Not many opportunities for buddy-bonding gay subtexts here, but Adam is one of most handsome men on Earth, and Flula is one of the most muscular, so maybe I'll watch with the sound off just for the face and physique.  Besides, the episodes have cute German titles like Backpfeifengesicht (face in need of a fist -- sounds like Bumper).

Scene 1: Bumper singing a capella with some old guys.  "Baby, I'll show you how a real queen behaves."  Not necessary -- I've seen Kelvin.  "You may think I'm weak without a sword, but if I had one, it'd be bigger than yours."  Tell me more about your...um, sword, Bumper. 

"If all the kings had queens on their throne, we'd toast champaign...I'll be your queen."  Girlfriend, that's as homoerotic as a song gets.  Did you forget that you're not playing Kelvin?

Lights go up.  This is a rehearsal for Bumper's new group, the Tonehangers. They'll be performing at a retirement center next month. Whoa, the old people won't know what hit them.

The other guys have to go -- wives, kids, stuff to do.  Bumper claims that he has stuff to do, too, but actually he's all alone. I hate the heterosexist equation of wife and kids with success, but I'll give it a pass due to the homoerotic song.  And he's working as a security guard at his old college but he's still planning on becoming a famous singer, somehow. Bummer, Bumper.

Scene 2:  Bumper is locking up as part of his security guard duties, when he gets a phone call from Germany: a fan of his college performances and his recent appearances on game shows and Tik-Tok.   "Wait -- how do you know all this?" Bumper asks, horrified. "Are you a pervert?"  Come on, dude, any fan would know those things.  I know that Adam was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  Well, to be fair, I just remember it because my home town is nearby.  

"I'm a pervert for talent," the voice says --revealed to be Pieter Kramer.  "We have met before." Turns out that he belonged to Das Sound Machine, a rival a capella group.  "You are a big Tik Tok star in Germany."  His TikTok involved making funny faces while singing the very sad song "Neun und neunsig Luftballon."  "You got 7.6 million views!"

"That's like a million views!" Bumper exclaims.  

Pieter wants him to move to Berlin and become his client.   "It's all happening!" he exclaims.  "All of those failures were worth it, because now I'll never fail again."  Har-har.

Scene 3: Bumper arrives at a horrible, graffiti-filled, run-down building in Berlin.  Pieter greets him.  They hug; Bumper is so excited that he won't let go, but to his credit, Pieter does not recoil in homophobic contempt. 

Upstairs to his horrible office with a window facing the train tracks.  Pieter's assistant Heidi arrives: Sarah Hylund, who played Adam's girlfriend on Modern Family!  I guess we know where the sparks will fly.

An American, an airhead, she gives him American cheese (almost impossible to find in Germany) and a caffeine pill (to avoid jet lag). Sparks fly.

Pieter has prepared a comic strip of Bumper's path to superstardom, culminating in a gig as "the hottest new singer" at German Unity Day in two months.  

Scene 4:  The three walking through Brandenburg Gate, getting a sandwich from a food truck: "It's made with dead animals."  "Oh, it's meat."  

A stranger (Govinda Cholleti) and his crew recognize Bumper from his Tik-Tok!

They arrive at the horrible youth hostel where Bumper will be staying.  The scary lady manager scowls at him: "I truly am meeting you."  Har-har. They want to leave him alone in his horrible dorm to "get some rest," but he wants to go with them: "I'll get nervous if I'm alone."  And scared of the scary lady?

A Techno-Goth Club after the break

Picco: A lot of male nudity amid the brutal, homophobic denizens of a German youth prison

 Someone recommended the German psychological horror movie Picco, about the inmates at a juvenile detention center  -- "lots of naked bodies on display."  There's bound to be some buddy-bonding, and maybe some homoerotic relations, right? 

Wikipedia says that it features a "troubled young man" named Jakub, who becomes enmeshed in a "harsh social hierarchy" and "the brutal realities of life behind bars."  That's like every prison movie ever made.

The IMDB doesn't mention a Jakob.  Here it's Kevin, a new boy in the prison, played by Constantine Jascheroff, and his three surly, belligerant, homophobic cellmates. The Variety review names them:

1. The psycho-violent Marc, played by Frederick Lau.

2. His belligerant crony, Andy, played by Martin Kiefer

More after the break

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Jizz, penises, bodybuilders, and Duck Tales

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine.  I've already posted almost all of Adam's dick and butt pics available, but not to worry, there are butts and dicks of other guys.

1. Multitasking by writing new jokes in the shower.

2. The fastest Adam has jizzed with a chick is seven seconds.  

I get it -- you want to finish as soon as possible.  With a guy, you can take your time. 

3. In Magic Camp, Adam plays a failed magician trying to re-ignite his career.  Aldis Hodge plays the father of one of the magic camp campers.

4. Get pumped in Ashland.

5.  Do you notice a pattern here?

6. In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Kumail Nanjiali plays a masseur who performs a naked tantric massage on his female client.

More after the break.  Warning: explicit.

The Regensburg Choirboy: why go downtown if you can't kiss?

During my freshman year at Augustana College, I declared a major in English and Modern Languages and registered for advanced Spanish and French.  So when I had the opportunity to spend a quarter abroad during my sophomore year, you'd expect me to pick Spain or France, right?

No -- Germany.

It wasn't my fault.  I was taking first-year German, too, and the professor kept rhapsodizing over his trips to Germany: Munich, the Black Forest, the Rhine, Neuschwanstein Castle, Wittenberg, where Martin Luther nailed 95 Theses on the cathedral door.

So I started packing for Germany.  Six Augie students flew from Chicago to Frankfurt on August 19th, and then took the train south to the university town of Regensburg.

 We all took Intensive German and The Protestant Reformation, and for my elective I chose German Myths and Legends. Classes met in the morning, so we had the afternoons free for sightseeing, and there were weekend trips to Augsburg, Munich, and Salzburg.

I had just "figured it out" a year before,  and, I didn't know how to meet gay people.  I didn't realize that Regensburg had several gay bars, or that Munich, an hour away by train, had a gay neighborhood full of bars, restaurants, bath houses, and community organizations.  So it took me awhile to find a boyfriend, sort of

Regensburg was predominantly Catholic, so I overcome my early religious training about Catholics being evil! evil! evil! and toured all the churches.  I even went to Mass at St. Peter's Cathedral -- don't tell the preacher -- where I heard the famous boys' choir, the Domspatzen.

 There were about 80 members, mostly little kids, but in the back row I saw some teenagers and young adults.  

One caught my eye -- the tallest of the group, broad-shouldered, probably muscular, with a shock of unruly brown hair.  I thought he looked back, but I was probably imagining it.

The next day I went to the Musikgymnasium, the boarding school attached to the choir, said I was an American university student, and asked for a tour.  

They summoned a boy my own age to show me around -- 18 year old Wolfgang (not his real name) -- not the one who caught my eye yesterday, darn it! 

More after the break.  Warning -- explicit.

"Bumper in Berlin" Episode 1.3: Bumper saves the day by doing everything wrong. With bonus Til Schweiger nudity.

I don't usually review two episodes of the same series, but I'm trying to figure something out. Bumper in Berlin has no gay male characters, limited beefcake, and frequent discussions of the hotness of ladies.  Those should be red flags.  So why is this series my favorite Adam Devine vehicle (including that darn Gemstone thing)?   This is a review of Episode 1.3,  "Verschlimmbessern": to make things worse while trying to make them better.

Scene 1: An ornate concert hall.  Bumper (Adam Devine), the American a capella singer who has come to Germany to become a star, and Heidi, his Love Interest, begin singing the Shaggy song "It Wasn't Me,"  Suddenly the stage goes dark; Heidi collapses, stabbed in the back  She's dying. Bumper has betrayed her by claiming that the song she wrote was his, and thus stealing her future.  And his hands are feet?  He awakens -- just a nightmare!

Scene 2: Bumper meets Heidi at the coffee cart and tries to make it up to her by -- buying her coffee?  He explains that he needed an impressive song to be selected to perform at Unity Day and become a star. Heidi isn't angry, just very disappointed.

Manager Pieter (Flula Borg) has bad news: his ex-girlfriend Gisela, who is competing with Bumper for the Unity Day spot, is doing a big show in Friederickstadt.  In order to stay competitive, he got Bumper a gig performing "his" song on Sour Pickles: a talk show where the guests eat sour pickles.

Bumper tries to make things right with Heidi by refusing to sing the song: it "sucks."  Wait -- Heidi wrote it.  She glares at him.  "Oh, the song is great, but it sucks."  Digging yourself deeper, Buddy.  You got some Verschlimmbessern going on.

Scene 3: On the way to the Sour Pickles studio -- the sign is in English -- Bumper complains to his ally, DJ Das Boot: "I did a bad thing, but I apologized. Why is Heidi still mad? It's not fair."  And by the way "Boot" means  "boat" in German, not the English "boot." 

DJ Das Boot: "You're only interested in making yourself feel better.  Try thinking of someone else's feelings." 

Scene 4:  Bumper and DJ Das Boot perform the song, while Heidi looks on forlornly.  The hosts, played by famous German actors Til Schweiger and Moritz Bleibtrue, cheer.  

Next, it's time to eat increasingly sour pickles while answering questions.  Uh-oh, the hosts twist his words around while he's distracted by the pickles.  First: Bumper admits that he didn't write the song, Heidi did.  Then, that his manager Pieter lied to get him to come to Germany.  Back story: Pieter used a sound machine during an a capella performance, destroying his career and branding him the second-greatest shame in German history. 

Bumper changes the subject to how much he likes Germany, especially the hottie Angela Merkle, whom he would love to twerk-le.  The hosts pretend to be scandalized at the disrespect to the former Chancellor, but actually they love seeing their guests get "into a pickle."  

Scene 5: Back at the office, everyone discusses what a mess Bumper made of his interview.  Shouldn't they have known that the show was about getting people to say the wrong thing?  Pieter's scandal will be revived, DJ Das Boot will be the laughing stock of the DJ community, and Heidi will never be able to sell a song again: "I'm going to have to go on German unemployment.  How am I supposed to survive on just 90,000 euros a year?"

Scene 6: A "scary adult preschool" abandoned factory-art gallery.  Heidi arrives for a date with DJ Das Boot, who criticizes her obsession with planning out every detail in her life: "I don't even know how I'm going to end this sentence."

To cure Heidi of her fear of the unexpected, DJ Das Boot says "Give me a tattoo.  Anything you want."  Heidi protests that she doesn't know how, but who cares?  This is really wacky date.  You ladies ever hear of dinner and a movie? 

She draws a smiley face on DJ Das Boot's shoulder.  "See -- you weren't prepared. You can't fix it.  But you survived!"

Scene 7: Bumper and Manager Pieter want to talk the Sour Pickle hosts into not airing the episode, but the security guard won't let them in.  So Heidi and DJ Das Boot try: the security guard lets them in with no challenge. 

Meanwhile, the guys sit in a bar, being gloomy.  Pieter asks Bumper to save himself,  pretend that lying was all Pieter's idea, but Bumper won't betray his friend.  Awww.... 

The girls arrive: yep, the Sout Pickle guys agreed to pull the episode.  All Pieter has to do is give an interview about his ex-girlfriend Gisela's involvement in his a capella scandal.  Pieter admits that, in fact, it was Gisela's idea, but they were dating, so he took the fall.  She dumped him soon afterwards.

So -- tell the truth, repair your reputation, get over your ex, and damage the career of their main competitor for the Unity Day gig. Plus she deserves it -- she's evil. Sounds great!  Problem: Pieter still loves her, and doesn't like the idea of hurting her.

More Bumper and a lot of Til Schweiger after the break

Ich bin ein Berliner: Eight divine dudes from Deutschland with sizeable Schwanzen

Ok, I've never actually been to Berlin, but I've been to Frankfurt, Munich, Hamburg, Stuttgart, and Regensburg.  To expand on Bumepr in Berlin, my new favorite Adam Devine vehicle, here are eight  Deutscher dudes with große Ausbuchtungen und riesigen Schwanzen. 

Ballet bulge in Stuttgart

Heavy-lidded Alexei from the Universitet

Ohne Kleidung -- without clothes

Berlin book tower

Bastian from Munich

Accordion player.

More Deutscher dick after the break