"Human Discoveries" Episode 1.1: Paleolithic hunks invent underwear. With nude Zac Efron and Milo Ventimiglia

 

Human Discoveries (2019) is an animated series (available on Facebook) about a group of Paleolithic humans who discover things like fire, relationships, and underwear.  Zac Efron stars as Gary, a loveable nebbish looking for love, community, and a way to avoid getting his butt bitten. Adam Devine appears in Episode 1 as the leader of an elk community.  I reviewed the first episode, to check for gay characters or subtexts.

Scene 1:  Ugg (Paul Scheer), a bare-chested caveman, comes running out of some bushes. I'm a fan already. 

He and several other muscle guys run through the jungle, chased by a giant sabre-toothed tiger. They reach a cliff, and have to jungle-vine over it.  Bart, doesn't make it; the tiger starts eating him.  The guys make excuses to not save him.

Scene 2: Jane complains about the gender-inequality of their society: the women have to weave baskets and gather fruit, while the men get to fight the tiger that's been preying on them.

At a community meeting, Ugh admits that the tiger is still out there.  Jane raises her concerns about gender equality; Gary (Zac Efron) agrees -- why not have everyone do the job they're best at?  His  roommate Trog (Lamorne Morris, left) thinks that he just wants to impress Jane. 

Meanwhile, the elk are discussing their predicament as prey to the humans. Leader Elk (Adam Devine) complains: "Why are they cared of the tiger but not us? We weigh a thousand pounds, and have spears growing out of our heads."  

Scene 3: Night.  Gary and Jane flirt, and almost kiss, but they are interrupted by the camp guard being eaten ("Why is it starting with my feet?). 

Back in the cave, Gary disapproves of the skirts they wear while hunting -- too easy for his dick to be injured -- so he sews in some nuderwear (nice butt shot)  Trog disapproves: how can they poop with that thing on?

I know this isn't supposed to be historically accurate, but I can't help pointing out that no one in the Paleolithic Era actually lived in caves.  They lived in tents, and in some regions huts made of mammoth bones.  

Scene 4: The men go off to fight the tiger, and the women are assigned to weave baskets.  Jane starts a rebellion: they're going to fight, too. But who's going to weave the baskets?  Jane appoints an old guy who is a closet basket-weaver.  "No more hiding!" he exclaims, displaying the baskets he has hiding in "the closet."

In the wild, Gary brags about the comfort and support his new genital hammock offers.  Two of the hunters, Tristain and Bog (James Adomian, Sam Richardson) are a canonical couple: later, when the group discovers "relationships," they point out that they've been together for years. But here they just display some enthusiasm for each other's accomplishments.  

Scene 5:  The women dig holes and build scarecrows with spikes in the head, hoping that the tiger will attack and impale itself.  But when the tiger arrives, chasing the men, it is not impaled.  It approaches Gary -- who poops his pants, distracting the tiger long enough for Ugg-- to spear it.

Unfortunately, the women were so busy building the scarecrows and digging  holes that they forgot to gather any fruit to eat. So Ugg decrees that the gender-polarized work assignments will remain.

More after the break

Stephen Louis Grush: from Pericles to Peter's militia, with lots of gay roles and a few dicks in between

 Stephen Louis Grush grew up in New Orleans, and graduated from Roosevelt University in Chicago with a BFA in Theater. He has over 30 credits on the IMDB, often in projects that emphasize gay subtexts, or texts.

In Catch Hell (2014), two toughs (Stephen Louis Grush, Ian Barford) kidnap a Hollywood actor (Ryan Philippe) with the intent of torturing and killing him.  They do a lot of torturing, but Junior (Stephen) also falls in love with him.

Ryan Phillippe's butt as Junior prepares to...you know.

Stephen's butt and dick, as they strugle.

In Gracepoint (2014), Stephen plays a plumber's apprentice who may be gay, accused of murdering a small boy.

More Grush after the break. Caution: explicit.

Adam's Also-Rans: 8 sitcom guest spots, with Andrew Santino, Jason Bateman, and some costar cocks

After Workaholics, The Righteous Gemstones, Bumper in Berlin, House Party, Bad Ideas, and twelve movies, are you getting tired of Adam Devine? 

I didn't think so.

The guy is prolific. Between 2006, when he started filming Mail Order Comedy shorts with his buds Ders and Blake, and 2015, when he was too busy with starring roles, Adam guest-starred on eight tv series, not including animation and sketch comedy.  Let's see if there's any gay subtexts...or even texts.

1. The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, 2007, about two women film producers, appeared on the IFC. 

Left: Giuseppe Andrews as an aspiring writer who steals one of their scripts.

Adam played Toby in the episode "Dykes Like Us," the standard sitcom plot where two straight people pretend to be a gay couple in order to get some of the incredible privileges that gay people enjoy.  Like being called a "freak" at an academic conference?  Get real.

2. The Wife and Times of Teddy Berman, 2008, about a family man "struggling to make sense of a world where his father suddenly has a ponytail and an earring, his best friend is a stay at home dad, and his kids will only speak to him through Skype."  Sounds super old-fashioned.

Adam plays a Teenage Caveman who tells his parents about two problems: a rampaging bison that needs to be hunted, and a baby with a diaper that needs changing.  Thus a gendered division of labor is instituted for all time and eternity.  An anti-Women's Lib series in 2011?

  Peter Dante, left, plays the Caveman Dad.

3. Better Off Ted, 2009, starring Jay Harrington as a research developer at a soulless corporation. In Episode 1.5, "Win Some, Dose Some," a woman getting tested for a new experimental drug goes haywire, and Ted sabotages his daughter's wrapping-paper competition so she won't win and he won't have to go on a man-date with a general who has a man-crush on him.  Gay panic, anyone? 

Adam appears as Josh. The show is not available to stream, so I don't know anything about his character. 

4. Samantha Who?, 2009, stars Christina Applegate as a real estate hotshot who gets amnesia and tries to fix the horrid messes she made in her old life. 

Adam appears in two episodes as temp Tyler Banks.  I purchased Episode 2.19, "The Other Woman": Samantha tries to be nice to the girlfriend of her ex, Winston Funk -- Billy Zane, left -- but ends up sleeping with him.

At the office, Samantha asks Tyler the Temp to call Mr. Funk and tell him that she will have dinner with him tonight, but it's not a date: she's setting him up with his ex.

Tyler is happy with this news, and exclaims "I'm still in the game!"  He must have a crush on Samantha.

The morning after the clandestine sex, the girlfriend complains to Samantha that Winston is not returning her calls.  Just then Tyler brings in flowers that he sent...to Samantha. Uh-oh, her cover is blown.

5. Traffic Light, 2011, a short-lived Fox series, featured three best friends in different stages of the heterosexist trajectory: single, living with a girlfriend, and married. 

In Episode 1.7, "Stealth Bomber," Adam, Ders, and Blake appear as Tobey, Howard, and Tad.  The show is not available for streaming, but I assume they're doing a Mail Order Comedy riff.

More Adam after the break

Seann WIlliam Scott: From homophobic to gay-positive roles, with three butts, two bulges, a dick, Kyle Gallner, Gavin Munn

Seann William Scott first became famous as Stifler in the American Pie franchise (1999-2012).  I 've never seen any of them (although I know what they do to the pie), but I found a list of his "most disgusting antics"on the fan wiki. 

• Accidentally drinks a guy's cum
• Gets urinated on by a guy
• Forced to kiss a guy
• Has sex with a guy and two dogs
• Digs a ring out of dog poop
• Accidentally has sex with an old lady.  

As you can see, same-sex acts top the list of disgust.

Seann took a serious -- well, at least not comedic -- dramatic turn in Final Destination, 2000, about teens who survive a plane crash, except fate didn't want them to survive.  Former teen idol Devon Sawa also starred.

Then it was back to raunchy comedy in Road Trip, 2000, about four college buds on a road trip to see boobs and retrieve an incriminating tape.

Dude, Where's My Car (2000), about...um...a stolen car, required Seann to kiss Ashton Kucher.  Both actors were interviewed about how the managed to do something so disgusting.  Plus there's homophobic jokes, gay panic jokes, and lesbian jokes, covering all the bases. 

The tv series Dukes of Hazzard was infamous for sculpted bods and enormous bulges of Bo and Luke Duke, John Schneider and Tom Wopat.  The 2005 film version, starring Seann as Bo and Johnny Knoxville as Luke, emphasized Daisy Duke's short-short.

In Role Models (2008), Scott plays an energy-drink salesman assigned to be a role model to a foul-mouthed young boy.  Homophobic jokes and gay slurs abound, but at least we get a shot of his butt.

More Stiffler after the break

Rating Adam Devine's butt, with DJ Nick's and five others for comparison

In August 2019, Adam Devine, star of Workaholics and soon-to-be star of The Righteous Gemstones, visited the Tap and Grill Lakeside Brew Haus in Gravois Mills, Missouri, in the Lake of the Ozarks, about two hours from Kansas City. 

DJ Nick (I won't use his real last name) got a photo with him, which he posted on Facebook. Fortunately for fanboys, it's on the lakefront so shirts are optional. 

So far, so hot.  But look at the Facebook comments:

"Very tight butthole, my friend."

"That is so tight butthole!"

"Tight butthole!"

Question: whose butthole are they talking about, Adam's or Nick's?  Let's find out.

We've seen Adam's butt many times, but what about Nick's?

He's a professional DJ working out of Kansas City, and the Lake of the Ozarks during the summer.  Here he plays Captain America in an American flag jockstrap.  Nice bulge, dude, but what about your butt?

My usual hookup sites didn't yield a lot of potential nude photos, but this one might match his general physique. 

And a potential front, actually Tyler Labine.

Nick with his brother Todd.  Maybe we could get a photo of Todd's butthole?

More after the break

Caution: explicit

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his dick?

Many Nickelodeon shows of the 2000s had strong homophobic subtexts, and  ICarly (2007-2012) was one of the worst.  Miranda Cosgrove starred as Carly, who hosts an internet comedy show with her butch-but-straight buddy Sam (a girl) and nerd-next-door-with-a- stereotyped crush on her, Freddie (Nathan Kress).  

They are supervised by her wacky bi-subtext older brother, Spencer. 

 On the way, the contempt for gay men, or as Sam calls them, prancies, oozes out in joke after joke.  The most egregious is Spencer being chased down and arrested for appearing in public in a dress; cross-dressing has not been a crime in any American city since the 1970s.

I especially disliked Nathan Kress, amd not only for the horribly cliched "unrequited crush" plotlines.  As he bulked up, he steadfastly refused to permit beefcake photos.  To an extent, that's his choice: his body, his rules.  But when you choose a career that depends on displaying that body, and further set yourself up as a teen idol, you have a sort of obligation to your fans.

More annoying was his reason for failing to post beefcake: he was a way, way conservative fundamentalist of the "hating ten gays before breakfast" variety, and he didn't want girls and prancies getting ideas.

Today Nathan's instagram is full of wife-and-children pictures. 

Still hardly any beefcake, unless incorporated into the wife-and-kid pictures.

And he's still ultra-fundamentalist.

I wouldn't find this mug so annoying if I didn't know that Nathan's God is good only to heterosexuals.  

I don't know who the crazy looking friend is.

More Nathan after the break

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nude photos of Trench, Mr. Freeze, the Terminator, Conan the Barbarian, and an Austrian fitness model

Arnold needs no last name.  He almost single-handedly took bodybuilding out the realm of  Muscle Beach physical culturists and Italian sword-and-sandal movies and created the genre of Man-Mountains. His superlative physique and distinctive Austrian growl have been parodied innumerable times, on Saturday Night Live, on Seinfeld, on Tiny Toon Adventures).    It's hard to leave a room temporarily without being tempted to use his signature line from The Terminator, "I'll be back," or Terminator 2, "Come with me if you want to live."

Already a Mr. Universe and nearly a Mr. Olympia, the 21 year old Mr. Schwarzenegger moved to the United States in 1968 with his best friend Franco Columbu, to become an actor.  He posed for a lot of fitness magazines, including the gay-coded Tomorrow's Man.  In the 1970s he was the subject of more conventional semi-nude paintings by Jamie Wyeth.  

In the 1980s, photographs by Robert Mapplethorpe.

I had a friend in the 1980s whose bathroom featured what looked very much like a nude photo of Arnold, clipped from a fitness magazine.  It's not the black and white beach photo above, or the flexing photo that's available everywhere; this one was in color, and showed Arnold standing on a hillside.

Arnold's first starring role was in Hercules in New York (1969), which nobody saw.  His accent was so bad that his lines were dubbed.

He starred in Stay Hungry (1976), about a young man, drawn into the world of bodybuilding, and in The Jayne Mansfield Story (1980), asMansfield's muscular husband, Mickey Hargitay.

More Arnold after the break

The Lake Episode 1.4: Sleazy mayorJerry O'Connell wants a three-way with Justin and his date. What's a gay guy to do?

 

I already reviewed the first episode of The Lake, a comedy about a gay guy who returns to the Lake where he spent summers during his childhood, with plots about bonding with the teenage daughter he never met and trying to save his grandfather's beloved cabin.  I want to review Episode 4 because: it features a gay three-way with 1990s heartthrob Jerry O'Connell

Scene 1: Everyone is cheering at the junior lifeguard trials. Justin (Jordan Gavaris, left) and his Daughter watch from a distance and make fun of them.  But they're only being slightly sarcastic today, because they have won a victory: the board voted against the Evil Maisy's scheme to renovate (that is, tear down) the cottage Justin visited in as a child -- he never actually lived there, but he is desperate to keep it the way it was, a sort of anchor to his past.  Most of the plot arcs involve Jason trying to keep the cottage out of Evil Maisy's clutches.  

Speak of the Devil: Evil Maisy drops by to introduce Jason to Gil the Thrill (Jerry O'Connell), who  is running for Mayor.  Gloating, Evil Maisy notes that the Mayor can re-classify the cottage as a farmhouse, which doesn't need Board approval to be...torn down!  

To make matter's worse, he's hot for Jason!  Dude, maybe you could convince him to not-reclassify the cottage by getting on your knees? No, not to beg.

Scene 2: By the way, Daughter's Crush (Jared Scott), who also happens to be Evil Maisy's son, won the lifeguard contest.  The first Chinese-Canadian Junior Lifeguard in Lake history!  He gets his sash and the keys to the legendary Boathouse while Mom, Dad, and his brother Opal (Declan Whaley) watch.  No, Opal is not trans, or nonbinary.  He's a femme gay boy.  

After the boys leave to hang out with Justin's Daughter, Evil Maisy and her Semi-Evil Husband (Terry Chen, left) discuss their evil scheme to get the cabin re-classified.  "Remember, Dear, this is Justin's fault.  He sabotaged my previous play to destroy his childhood memories, mwah-ha-ha, so, so stay frosty."

Scene 3: Justin is going through withdrawal from junk food due to Daughter's health consciousness, so he runs into the Tuck Shop, sneaks behind the counter, and grabs some chips. Manager Riley (Travis Nelson, below) appears. Beep! Gil the Thrill (mayoral candidate Jerry O'Connell) is contacing them both on Grindr.  Nice chest, and he's into three-ways, but he's in cahoots with Evil Maisy!  

Scene 4: Cut to Daughter and her Crush discussing the evil re-classification scheme.  Even though he's Evil Maisy's son, Crush wants to keep the cabin, for a reason too complicated (and gross) to explain. 

After Crush leaves, Scandinavian Hippie Ulrika comes in with a fish to be tested for herpes.  A big deal --if it tests positive, they have to close down the lake for weeks-- no boating, swimming, waterskiing, or construction.  Hmm -- Daughter has a idea.

Scene 5: Justin talks to Jayne, apparently his only Ally in the cabin plot.  She is upset because Daugher's Crush won Junior Lifeguard instead of her own daughters. "Grr...Evil Maisy and her family ruin every.  The next time I see hre, I'm going to tell her...."  Whoops, at that moment her ally Gil the Thrill appears. "...how excited I am about her cook-out tonight.  I'm bringing crab cakes."

When she leaves, Gil gets down to business: he wants to hook up with Justin. "No way -- you're on Evil Maisy's team, trying to destroy my childhood memories!"  

"But I might change my mind on the reclassification if you'll have sex with me."nees. Hey, that's sexual coercion! I know, I thought of it first. 

:"Thanks, but I have a date with Riley tonight." "I like three-ways. Bring him along, and it's a done deal.  I'll refuse to reclassify and stick it to Evil Maisy after I stick it to you."

More sticking after the break

Hank Strong: Bodybuilder, firefighter, enforcer, leatherman, gay daddy

The Brooklyn-born Hank Strong (Henry Akinsaya) graduated from Xaverian Brothers High School in Westfield, Massachustts in 1998, then studied pre-law at NYU.  

He competed in some amateur bodybuilding competitions, worked as a bodyguard, and did some modeling where he had to show his abs.  

His acting career began in 2018, when he was cast as Lunkhead, enforcer for the villain Zachary Trumble. in an episode of Gotham (2018).   

Hank moved on to play more enforcers, bodybuilders, and scowling musclemen, notably, the fighter Iron Long on Ray Donovan.

 

He appeared in two episodes of Godfather of Harlem as Big Dick Buster. Crime lord Bumpy Johnson, a real figure from the 1960s, keeps "Big Dick" on retainer to rape men who rape black women.

 

As a firefighter in The King of Staten Island, he takes his clothes off, of course, to bond with Pete Davidson.

In 2020, Hank played Jericho, a member of Kelvin's God Squad in Righteous Gemstones Season 2. When they threaten Keefe, he defends himself by swatting Jericho's nipple.  (Actually a courageous act, since Jericho is nearly a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than Keefe).

More Hank after the break

"Young Rock," Episode 2.8: The Rock hits the big time, with lots of locker room beefcake and bulges

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