In September 2004, ABC added Complete Savages, about a single dad raising five "savage" sons, to its Friday night TGIF schedule, expecting a hit. Star Keith Carradine belonged to a famous showbiz dynasty (see bottom photo), Erik von Detten was a well-known teen idol, and there were many famous guest stars, including Betty White, Shelley Long, and even President George W. Bush. Yet the ratings were awful, and it was yanked after 15 episodes, with the remaining four burned off during the summer.
Maybe Savages didn't do well because its lead-in was the third season of Eight Simple Rules, a nuclear family sitcom left in a precarious position after the death of John Ritter, who played the Dad. Episode 3.1 got some buzz when son Rory (Martin Spanjers) showered with guest star Sam Horrigan, but after that viewers abandoned Rules for Joan of Arcadia on CBS, and it ended up with a dismal rank of #90
Or maybe it was because of its similarity to Quintuplets, over on Fox: Andy Richter starred as the father of five kids, including dreamy short guy Ryan Pinkston (left) and Jake McDorman (right, nude photo after the break).
Maybe it was because Savages was produced and directed by Mel Gibson, whose homophobic, racist, and anti-semitic mania was just starting to limit his box office appeal.
Left: Mel Gibson in 1985, when he was presenting as a leatherman and the source of gay rumors.
The savages cannily personified each of the characteristics of hegemonic masculinity.
Dad Nick (Keith Carradine, left): Big Wheel, be powerful, in charge, a leader. He worked a firefighter, along with his younger brother Jimmy (Vincent Ventrescu, top photo).
More after the break. Caution: Explicit
Left: As promised, Jake McDorman's dick.
Jack (Shaun Sipos), an aspiring musician: His plotlines involve juggling multiple girlfriends, so Playboy, be obsessed with women, willing and able to do things several times a day, and so good at it that you are rarely rejected. Shaun went on star in Melrose Place, The Vampire Diaries, Krypton (where he played the bi Adam Strange), Reacher, and Outer Banks..
Chris (Erik van Detten), a "dumb jock." When he refuses to dissect a frog in biology class, he is "savagely" lambasted by his brothers. Sturdy Oak, stoic don't feel or express any emotion except anger.
Erik's acting career fizzled out after Savages. A fan site says that he is gay in real life, but he is currently married to a woman, with four children. Another site says that he kissed David Henry Roupa on-screen, but I find no actor with that name.
Sam (Andrew Eiden) is the "black sheep" of the family, bullied by his Dad and brothers because he gets good grades and wants a single girlfriend instead of schtupping every girl in sight.
Today Andrew is a voice artist who tells us that he loves "my woman, my family, my work, my friends, and my world."
Kyle (Evan Ellingson): Give 'em Hell: be aggressive, assertive, mean-tempered, and violent.
Evan went on to starring roles in 24 and CSI: Miami. He fought drug addiction through his life, and died of a fentanyl overdose in 2023.
TJ (Jason Dolley): Flee from Anything Feminine, no matter if it is clothes, tv shows, colors, or vocabulary.
Jason is best known for the teencoms Cory in the House and Good Luck Charlie. He is straight in real life, and best friends with his lookalike, Jason Earles of Hannah Montana.
Left: The Carradine Dynasty includes John Carradine, his five sons, and numerous grandchildren.
See also: Martin Spanjers: Eight simple rules for determining if the "Eight Simple Rules" kid is gay
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